Free-Range Kids

Should Parents Fear Marijuana Edibles in Their Kids' Halloween Candy? No.

This basically never happens.

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Want your brain sucked out by zombies?  Yahoo! News is happy to oblige. A recent article screams: "Beware of marijuana edibles in your kids' Halloween stash, police warn: 'Not everything is as it seems.'"

Do parents really have to worry edibles in their kids Halloween stash? The news site mentions a single case, from 2019, of two Connecticut kids receiving a package of edibles. (They didn't eat them.) That's two kids in a country of about 40 million children under the age of 10. Even the local cops said they didn't believe this to be a "widespread problem."

That's because there's very little upside for anyone giving away expensive edibles. Even if you're the type (if there is a type) who thinks, "It would be so hilarious to see a baked Baby Yoda!" you wouldn't bother giving some random kid cannabis, because you won't be around for the fun. It's like paying to see a Broadway show and leaving before the curtain goes up.

Ah, but the absence of a danger is never a reason to avoid scare parents! So the story goes on to describe what would happen if your kid did overdose on edibles and end up in intensive care:

Jamie Alan, an assistant professor of pharmacology and toxicology at Michigan State University, tells Yahoo Life. "There is a range of symptoms, from loss of coordination and being unbalanced to sleepiness to trouble breathing," she says. "In severe cases, children can become unconscious and need ventilator support."

Talk about masterful fear-mongering.

The report also quotes Alexandra Funk, director of Central Ohio Poison Control at Nationwide Children's Hospital—yes, Nationwide, the same insurance company that showed us a dead child during the 2015 Super Bowl. (Nothing if not consistent.) Funk mentions the high levels of THC in gummies and how sometimes the packaging is easy to mistake for candy.

This is true. That's why sometimes kids do accidentally eat edibles. Where do they get them? A 2016 study in JAMA Pediatrics found the not very surprising sources: parents and other family members.

The study also compared kids' "marijuana-related" hospital visits two years before pot was legalized in Colorado and two years after. Sure enough, the kid visits went up, from 1.2 per 100,000 to 2.3 per 100,000. That's an increase, but still a tiny overall number.

Per usual, the Halloween advice given by the authorities seems harmless. Indiana State Police Spokesman Ron Galaviz is quoted saying, "Just take an extra moment to inspect your child's candy, maybe more than you normally wood."

But the advice just isn't necessary. It normalizes the idea that of course you were going to inspect your child's candy—that this is a necessary precaution every good parent takes on Halloween. This reinforces the idea that there's enough poisoning going on that parents should never just assume their kids' candy is untainted. Candy poisoning, though, is an urban myth.

This is how helicopter parenting colonizes a culture. Good parents are exhorted to focus on some new danger, no matter how remote, which then necessitates more oversight. Instead of seeing kids as basically capable and safe, they're seen as puffballs in need of protection.

NEXT: California's Proposition 22 Pits the Future Against Its Enemies

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  2. “Sure enough, the kid visits went up, from 1.2 per 100,000 to 2.3 per 100,000.”

    MY GOD!!! That is almost 100% !!!!
    Re-impose total lockdown regieges on the entire nation for the 72 hour window around this deadly “holiday” !!!
    Close shop rite immediately !!!

    (for the children; it might save one life)

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    2. It’s really time to rid ourselves of the progressives that make us so miserable.

      How much more will you all take before you resign yourselves to this reality.

  3. What year does Yahoo think it is? Even if you accept the old trope that stoners are absent minded boneheads, why would they be giving away their weed? What is there to be gained by giving a ten year old edibles? This is a completely illogical scenario cooked up by idiotic drug warriors, and it seems to resurface every year.

    1. Fair enough, but why would they give away their candy? It can’t be an easy decision either way

      1. Oh, wow, man. HAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, I thought you were a real ghost for a second there. Is it, like, Halloween already? Man. Time flies. Oh, wait a second little dude, I have something for you. Here. Here’s a box with a slice of cold pizza left in it and for you my little dude here’s half a bag of Doritos. Man.

        1. Dubious Kid: “Yeah, thanks. What are those?”
          2nd Dubious Kid: “Yeah! Those look like gummi candy!”
          Stoner (suddenly serious) “Back the fuck off, baby Yoda, Ghost Kid. We’re done here.”

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    2. “What year does Yahoo think it is? ”

      It’s 1968. It will always be 1968.

  4. I hope the Karen shaming continues to build into epic proportions. Lighten up you nanny state assholes.

    All of those fears of kidnapping and other horrendous shit that people got away with before, however rare, is now almost nonexistent because everyone, everywhere, has a livestreaming handheld video device.
    Where they went? Recorded.
    What they saw? Recorded.
    Who they met? Recorded.
    What they ate? Recorded.
    The car they drove and the cars they walked by? Recorded.
    How were they dressed? Recorded.

    1. I think it was Randall Munroe (XKCD) who pointed out that not-so-mysterious coincidence that despite everyone suddenly carrying one, if not several, recording devices on their person at all times the amount of footage/credible evidence of bigfoot, UFOs, ghosts, chupacabras, etc. hasn’t increased significantly in the last 10 yrs. (And since Munroe raised that point, a significant number of networked doorbell cameras have been added to the total).

      Analogously, we have an explosion of footage of police officers arresting black men who were just breaking up fights (no footage of the fights, of course) and/or exercising their 1A rights, but zero footage of white vans trolling neighborhoods asking kids if they want candy.

  5. On NextDoor in my neighborhood there have been a few people saying they won’t participate in trick or treating this year. I can understand if you are vulnerable to the virus. But some people won’t let their kids do it. One male Karen said he wouldn’t let his go because of “the deadly virus and all of the perverts” these are the people who deserve to have social services called on them. To make sure the kids aren’t being imprisoned in some kind of “safe space” cage.

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    3. His child is far more likely to be fucked by family. Or Buttplug.

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  7. Halloween was the original test case for scaring the crap out of people over stuff that isn’t real. the only way a kid gets into edibles is an irresponsible parent.

  8. Why would anyone pass out a perfectly good stash to strangers’ children? WTF? You went and made all those wonderful brownies, but you’re not saving them for the Halloween party you and your stoner friends are having later?

    But every year we have to have this stupid “OMG DRUGZ IN TRICK R TREET BAGZ!” shit.

    When I was a kid it was LSD. Teacher warned us with dire finger wagging: “Don’t lick any Mickey Mouse tattoo stickers you get!” Because apparently LSD merchants were hooking kids by passing out Disney tattoo stickers. Real LSD was also frequently added to those weird candy dot things (always egg the house of whoever passed out candy dots), but the idea that pushers would be handing them out to kids on Halloween was beyond stupid.

    1. The LSD thing was particularly funny. I very much doubt an unwanted acid trip is going to make any child eager to try it again. Now some people are shit heads and like to to unpleasant things to people just for fun. I know people who have been involuntarily dosed. But fortunately it seems to be very uncommon.

      1. I don’t know whether “Free LSD for grade school strangers” or “hooked on LSD” is the dumbest concept.
        They share a 0% real world likelihood.

    2. When I was a kid it was razor blades….

      1. right. in the apples. who wants apples anyway?

        1. There was a guy when I was a kid who gave out pop corn, loose from a big bowl. And he was adamant that you only take one handful. I don’t think many people really were likely to go for more.

          1. It didn’t even have any LSD in it.

          2. that’s just wrong. we had good neighbors in South Jersey – apples were about the worst.

            1. Effing toothbtrush/toothpaste sample kits. Not only was it a lousy “treat”, but you know that fucker got a tax deduction for his dental practice WELL in excess of the actual $ value of his promotional expense.

              It was really time-consuming to recruit kids to participate in filling his mailbox with the toothpaste.

              1. What a dick.

        2. I did. They were good for whipping at the house of the people who gave them out.

  9. I needed to think of something to hand out this year, so gummies it will be! (Last year it was Juul pods).

    1. Last year it was Juul pods

      I just tuck the fog machine behind the planter box on my porch and filled it with vape juice.

      It’d be cool to fill it with bubble gum or cotton candy for Halloween but, thanks to the FDA, gotta stick with Virginia Tobacco flavor.

      1. Can always melt some gummies to mix in for the flavoring

  10. The Karens who worry about perverts preying on trick or treaters probably are also Trumpers and don’t make their kids wear masks, but will send their kids out this year anyway to say FU to the Karens who are paranoid about Covid and likely Biden voters. But which Karen is more likely to have gummies to hand out?

    1. That’s a lot of assumptions there. Although you would make a good supporter of collectivism which requires tons of half assed guesses that never work out. Salut!

    2. It’s time for a battle royale cage fight with all the Karens versus all the other Karens. We could sell tickets and pay off the national debt.

      1. Karens don’t do cage fighting. The whole conflict would be resolved by runway battle between Karen Mulder and Karen Elson. Afterwards no one would really forgive and forget anything and both sides would stomp off gumbling in anger, but we’d at least know who the winner is.

        I might still pay to watch.

    3. “Great story, Mark!”

      1. Reason often provides a fun flashback to the home-configured message boards of the late 90s/early 2000s.

  11. Everyone knows giving edibles to kids this Halloween is a Trumpista plot to keep Democrats from voting on Tuesday, because they’ll be too busy taking their kids to the emergency room.

    I expect this’ll explode on social media real soon.

    1. You’ve got this reversed. Most Democrats have already voted, they’re the ones handing gummies out to kids of Trump voters

  12. It should be noted that all confirmed cases of Halloween candy tampering (poison, drugs, razor blades,…) have proven to not be general tampering aimed at many children, but a specific effort to target a specific child by a non-stranger.

  13. “Want your brain sucked out by zombies?”

    It just occurred to me – we haven’t seen a Shikha article in a while.

    1. You shut the hell up.

    2. “Every person in South American is entitled by libertarian principles to get jobs, free health care and a vote in America. And Trump is a doo-doo head for opposing this. And by “doo-doo head”, I mean genocidal monster.”

      Now you don’t have to miss her so bad.

  14. Uh Halloween has been cancelled so no worries.

  15. Marijuana is definitely a big no for kids.
    https://studygrades.com

  16. When I was a kid bck a few decades, the scaremongers were all on about rzor blades and arsenic.
    No one we knew ever saw any of it, nor did the press report any actual such findings.

    Nannies gotta nannie,and if there ain’t nuttin ta NANNIE about, by golly they’ll up and INENT something.
    Today their biggest invention is a virus that is gonna kill us all. We managed to escape its ravages for these past few months, “because”, but now WE”RE DONE FOR… theories vary as to by precisely whcih mechanism it WILL get us THIS TIME.

    1. The deadly varus is not their only creation of 2020. There’s also the roving gangs of Nazi White Supremaicsts lurking behind every corner.

      For more targeted nannying, note the black woman I saw interviewed recently, explaining her support for BLM by saying “When we send our kids to school, we don’t know if they’re going to make it home or get gunned down by the po-lice!” That can only come from some industrial strength fearmongering. If she knows 50 4th grade kids, that’s about 30,000 safe returns from school that she KNOWS OF, but she’ll still parrot this awful risk. Amazing shit.

      1. EVERYTHING Americans are scared of is a rare occurrence!

        The fact you are picking one of the political sides means you are a part of the problem.

        1. Fair enough. That was just the most outrageous and recent one that came to mind. Outrageous not far off the likelihood of being struck by a meteor, or a both-sideser recognizing differences in scale.

  17. EVERYTHING Americans are scared of is a rare occurrence!

  18. I think it’d be pretty funny to see some kids getting high off their ass lol

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