NYC's Official Guide to Pandemic Sex Is Awkward but Accurate

The health department correctly recognizes that abstinence doesn't work, and kissing is riskier than sex.


Coronavirus dictates from public health officials and government bureaucrats have been confusing, contradictory, and arbitrary for months now. The World Health Organization, for instance, has repeatedly misled people about the efficacy of wearing masks, post-recovery immunity, and asymptomatic contagiousness. National, state, and local officials in the U.S.—including in pandemic-wracked New York City—have also spread misinformation.

An underlying issue has been the experts' failure to grapple with the realities of human nature. People can't just stay inside indefinitely, cut off from most social contact. As compliance with aggressive social distancing begins to slip, officials must pivot toward offering scientifically sound advice about what kinds of activities carry risk, rather than doubling down on impractical and wide-ranging lockdowns.

Thankfully, New York City's recently published guidance on "safer sex and COVID-19" is a remarkably sober—and, yes, awkwardly descriptive—piece of realistic guidance. While it acknowledges that the absolutely safest course of action would be to refrain from sex, it also accepts that abstinence-only education does not work. People are going to get together and they're going to get it on.

The best thing that the experts can do is educate people about how to make these activities less risky. To that end, the three-page document correctly notes that kissing might be a riskier amorous activity than actual sex, given that respiratory droplets are the most effective vehicles of disease transmission. (This is an inversion of standard safe sex practices: Kissing generally carries little risk of spreading STDs.) While the document's suggestion that people consider using "physical barriers, like walls" when they have sex was mocked on social media as an endorsement of the glory hole, the logic here is correct.

Just compare this guidance with a new U.K. law that criminalizes all sex between people who don't already live together. Britain's strategy is authoritarian and ignorant of human behavior; New York City, on the other hand, accepts that people have needs and suggests how they can meet them in the least risky way.

This is a strategy that health officials and government planners should embrace: education, rather than prohibition.

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  1. I heard if you’re protesting you don’t need a condom.

    1. I knew a girl who got COVID from a tractor.

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  2. “and kissing is riskier than sex.”

    Great now Tony doesn’t have to explain to his tricks that he doesn’t do that.

    1. Which of the 246 positions in the Kama Sutra are safe?

      1. Sadly, none!

  3. Does protesting sex mean “no”?

  4. Thank God. Finally, the government is telling me how to have sex. Where have they been all these years?

    1. They have always been there you just didn’t pay attention until now, Also it is just now they think people might listen. The are wrong again!

  5. The level of idiocy rises every day.

    1. But we have miles to go to catch the Brits.

      1. I honestly thought that was a joke when I first heard about it. If the Brits don’t have an insurrection over that, they never will.

  6. I was wondering why the Brits (of all people) were out to lynch a bureaucrat (of all people) for dallying with his married lover during the panicdemic. There is some irony in a communist dictatorship unleashing a bio-weapon actually freeing us of a second term under fanatical mystical bigots certain to double down on prohibitionism, asset forfeiture (with crash and depression), faith-based execution of clinic personnel and a return to Romanian Dixiecrat race-suicide laws mandating forced labor for pregnant women.

    1. Yeah, the WuFlu is gonna lead to the election of Biden. Man, you’re even crazier than usual today.

    1. Bahahahaha! This is the best post ever?

      1. !, Goddamnit!

  7. Well. New York politics is certainly fucked up enough to be qualified to give instructions in this most basic human function.

  8. they’re going to get it on.

    Is he auditioning for the Austin Powers reboot?

    1. Yeah, baby!

  9. Just find a special partner to walk with you through this special kind of hell on earth. Someone who makes it easier to exist.

    Both quarantine for 2 weeks and then partner up and remain exclusive until the threat of covid subsides. Which might be forever.

    Have fun!

  10. Quote: “To that end, the three-page document correctly notes that kissing might be a riskier amorous activity than actual sex, given that respiratory droplets are the most effective vehicles of disease transmission. (This is an inversion of standard safe sex practices: Kissing generally carries little risk of spreading STDs.)”

    So corona virus or the clap? I will go with corona virus every-time.

  11. No outdoor activities and now no indoor activities. Brilliant!

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  12. Abstinence-only education does not work, therefore abstinence education of any kind does not work.

    Abstinence-only education does not work because (presumably) most people will not follow it, therefore we should not provide any education that most people won’t follow.

    Do I have this right?

    1. Do you get an edit button with a subscription?

    2. I think you have the mindset of shallow modernism correct.

      Most people won’t follow abstinence education because it requires self control and a serious commitment to oneself and future spouse. These are outdated for most people.

      I don’t know what is meant by abstinence education, but saying don’t do it isn’t enough. It requires something more in life to grasp onto, a deeper commitment to love, not just “it feels good let’s do it.”

      I think it should still be part of education so people are aware and a have a choice. I’ve heard from people who weren’t abstaining and then chose to abstain and remain chase until marriage say they felt more free and satisfied.

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