Brickbat: Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer


Man with a knife
Anton Anton /

Scott Mann, a member of the United Kingdom Parliament, is being mocked after suggesting the nation needs a national knife registry to battle knife-related crimes. "Every knife sold in the UK should have a gps tracker fitted in the handle," Mann said in a tweet.

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  1. If only they could put a GPS tracker on incorrect thinking.

    1. can we get GPS trackers on MPs? Some time their stupid alarms don’t go off and everyone wants to keep track of them.

  2. And verily it came to pass that these fists were registered in the UK as deadly weapons.

    1. Crusty had the same thing happen. Different body part though.

      1. And now he is in the National Anteater Registry.

        1. ever been smacked up the side of the head with an armadillo? hurts like a sonofabitch!

  3. This is a bad idea. We should ask all knife manufacturers to install GPS devices and keep private records of all such things, as a part of the ToS for your knives, that way it doesn’t infringe on anyone’s rights.

    1. Not to take this too seriously, but sure, go ahead and ask. The manufacturers would just say no, because customers don’t want to pay extra (nor do they want the feature to begin with; I don’t need MY knives tracked. I just need YOURS tracked, but I’m not going to pay for that).

      If it were an ask, not a tell, it’d be harmless.

      1. No, they won’t say no.

        Because – like the Comics Code and the Motion Pictures Production Code and the ESRB (and just like social media companies today) – they know that if they don’t ‘voluntarily self-regulate’ they’ll be regulated.

    2. Those GPS trackers better be dishwasher safe.

      1. Not to mention blood-safe; wouldn’t want the device disabled after use when it would be most useful.

    3. We don’t need GPS trackers. That’s silly.

      Blade locks are sufficient to protect the public.

      1. We need electronic blade locks that only open for the registered user and have the ability for police to remotely disable.

  4. Is it still legal to shoot a Scotsman in York, and is a national registry of bows and arrows necessary?

  5. They should bring back the workhouses of Dickens time only instead of starving children in them, they need to send in all the politicians. I can picture a petulant pol, holding out his hands and saying, “Please sir, I want some more…power.”

    1. Some politician is yammering to the press again. Are the workhouses full?

  6. The British government has a long history of trying to keep weapons out of the hands of the regular folk.

    1. At least according to the history of martial arts book I owned as a kid, the governments of medieval Japan and China also worked to keep weapons out of the hands of peasants and pesky Buddhist monks. But instead of simply relinquishing their right to self-defense, those regular folks developed stuff like karate and Kung Fu. There’s a lesson in there somewhere for us moderns. Those who style themselves as superiors will always try to subjugate the meek. Don’t give up without a fight.

  7. Are we talking butter knives here, or any thing with a sharp edge?

    1. Yes, your sharp-edged wit will need to be tracked via embedded GPS…

    2. Google for “anti-stab knives” and look at the images. This is a real thing. Bagpiping friends went to Britain and wanted new kit in Scotland. They had to fill out special paperwork and deal with stupendous hassle to buy actual pointy sock knives, and were able to do even that only because they were tourists.

      1. Shit. How do they trim their reeds?


      Current knife laws in GB; they are seriously moving to add any knife with a point end, like Wusthoff kitchen knives, to the list.

      1. And of course the knife better not be emblazoned with any mean or hurtful language; see the section specifying “Zombie” knives.

        Just can’t make this shit up.

      2. I’m puzzled as to why you have to have a “good reason” to carry a knife with a locking blade. Locking blade is a safety feature.

        1. If you make something easier and safer to use, people will use it more. They are trying to prevent that.

        2. It is easier for the constable to locate the attacker if a non-locking blade cuts off his fingers – – – –

  8. The horror remains that unregistered grinders and whetstones can convert even a butter knife to full-stabomatic!

  9. Should start a pool on when some U.S. pol suggests this. I suspect we’d all still be alive when a winner was announced (and I’m pretty old).

    1. Incrementalism, baby steps less you overstep. Boil the frog slowly.

    2. I figure She Guevara will do it before the month is out.

    3. Too late.
      The most obvious is the switchblade.

  10. Garbage Island.

  11. The UK has gone full retard. You never go full retard.

    1. You never go full retard

      I give you the democratic party of the USA

    2. Logical progression, inevitably toward extremes.

      Ban guns, knives are still used.

      Ban knives, hammers, are used,

      Ban hammers, rocks will be used.

      They started out with the wrong premises. That the problem is in the object used, not the person using it. Now Great Britain is becoming an open air psychiatric ward, but the troublesome inmates will continue to fashion shivs to use on one another as well as the non troublesome ones [aka victims] who will not be able to defend themselves. I believe this is exactly what that government wants.

      1. You overlooked the ever popular pointed stick – – – – – –

        1. My bad; I would never intentionally ignore the stick. I insert that between hammers and rocks.

      2. Knives, hammers, rocks? Why exclude fresh fruit? Let me tell you, when you’re walking home at night and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries don’t come crying to me!

  12. Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far the best job I’ve had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474 this – 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least $77 per hour. I work through this link, go to tech tab for work detail.

  13. Well what are the politicians going to do then? They’ve regulated guns so much, they have to regulate something else now. Hey, how about razors? Plus, banning them will be sharia-compliant, men have to have beards….but as long as we don’t ban axes (for the beheadings of course)

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