Brickbat: Next Time Get an English Muffin


Poppy seed muffin
Kenneth Sponsler /

The day after Jane Silakowski gave birth, a doctor came into her room and told her she'd failed a drug test. She insisted she had had no drugs and asked if the poppy seed bread she'd had before coming to the hospital could have caused the result. "That's from Seinfeld, that can't be,'" the doctor said. In fact, the bread had caused a false positive. But the hospital still contacted Erie County Child Protective Services, which launched an investigation. For the next eight weeks, CPS made house calls and visited Silakowski's two older children at school. And Silakowski had to undergo drug testing and counseling at her own expense.

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  1. In response to these issues, Mercy Hospital told News 8 privacy law prevents them from talking about a specific case.

    Apparently that’s not a hard and fast rule.

    1. Hard and fast is Crusty’s motto.

  2. At least she didn’t have her baby taken from her as has happened in a number of previous poppy seed fiascos.

  3. CPS is a nice sounding idea that, in practice, proves that government should avoid issues that involve tact and nuance.

    1. or that require more than 2 functioning interconnected brain cells…

  4. “Look, Chief, it’s turning blue!” “Must be Peruvian flake.”

    1. White Lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai-Sally.

  5. So , the doctor is an idiot? Yada , yada , yada .

  6. They drug test you when you give birth?

    What if I want a crack baby? What could be a better method of ensuring compliance than having them already addicted to something when they come out?

    1. Yes. And just like you prefer, the mother isn’t given a choice unless she goes to those hippy birthing women.

    2. My brother in law worked in a lab at the University of Iowa that studied “crack babies” in the mid 90s, and it turns out the kids weren’t addicted to crack or blow at all – they were fussy and cranky because they were malnourished, and the mother didn’t take care of herself during the pregnancy. After a few weeks and putting on a few pounds the kids were fine. Alcohol consumption by the mother during pregnancy, however, is a different story.

      1. Yeah apparently the crack baby is a myth, but not the fetal alcohol baby or opioid baby.

  7. In a story with a lot of take-home lessons that are not going to be learned, the most important for this lady is that she needs another doctor. If he’s too ignorant to know that poppy seeds could cause a false positive on a broad spectrum drug test that he routinely administers, he’s gotta go. That’s just the basics – you gotta know what the tests you administer actually mean.

    1. so you’re going to put conditions on how I practice medicine…fucking commie bastard

    2. the most important for this lady is that she needs another doctor.

      A new doctor’s a good step, but not the most important. The most important step is finding an ambulance-chasing shyster lawyer who’ll get sexual pleasure out of suing the Dr. and hospital out of millions of dollars.

  8. So much for a woman’s right to choose (dinner)

    1. Leftists believe that “choice” involves ONLY abortion, and your bedroom activities. ALL other choices MUST be made by the Collective Hive!

  9. Doesn’t the doctor watch Mythbusters?

  10. Please Google “Mercy Hospital of Buffalo” and leave a Google review (and-or yelp). Prospective customers should know about this. This is the review that I left:

    Please see…..nt_7675960 and…..1751689121 , and you will see that this hospital employs incompetent, ignorant, and un-compassionate doctors. As you will see, a doctor rat-finked on a new mother for “drugs”, when all she had done was eat some poppy-seed topped baked goods. New Mom was then run through the ringer by CPS, for no good reasons at all… This doctor didn’t even know that poppy seeds can cause false positive drug-test results, and he did not care one tiny bit.

  11. “That’s from Seinfeld, that can’t be,'” the doctor said.

    The doctor was clearly an idiot.

      1. blah, blah, blah or yada, yada, yada…u decide!

  12. Google paid for every week online work from home 8000 to 10000 dollars.i have received first month $24961 and $35274 in my last month paycheck from Google and i work 3 to 5 hours a day in my spare time easily from home. It’s really user friendly and I’m just so happy that I found out about it..go to this site for more details…

    So I started….>>>>>>>>

  13. I don’t understand why people eat poppy seed muffins or bagels. They are tasteless and run the risk of false positives on drug tests. No upside. Exceedingly rare but horrifying downside.


  14. Geez, there is an obvious solution to this problem: Ban poppy seeds. And Seinfeld.

    1. Can I still joke with my publishing friends about the coffee table book about coffee tables?

      1. Seems redundant, but as long as you don’t mention Seinfeld I will allow it.

        So, I have been seeing the acronym “ASMR” on the internet for some time. I never bothered to look it up, I just assumed it was some millennial crap and moved on. Apparently it is a thing, and has millions of internet adherents. There is an article about it. Basically, it is the chill you spontaneously feel at times in response to stimuli. The article makes it sound like a pedophilia-like practice. We live in a strange world.

        I am telling you about this, Tony, because you seem like a safe, non-judgmental guy.

  15. There have been hospitals that have done testing [involuntary and minus informed consent] and have given women who tested positive a choice: either admit their sins and go into mandatory treatment or be arrested, literally in their hospital beds [one resulted in a USSC case Ferguson v. Charleston; the court ruled in favor of the plaintiffs against the Medical University of South Carolina as their actions violated their Fourth Amendment rights]. Variations of this have and continue to happen in other settings, largely because the women are probably the least informed and most disadvantaged to advocate for themselves. Something similar, whereby local agencies would get a guaranteed flow of reluctant clients, has been attempted where I worked until I managed to largely sabotage it [based on a 2018 UM Law Review article citing the above case]; assholes abound with the “best” of intentions.

  16. She’d have a pretty good malpractice case against that doctor, since it was his misdiagnosis — due to ignorance that a common occurrence was even possible — that cost her enormous reputational damage and monetary expense!

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