Christmas

Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town Is the Most Libertarian Christmas Special

It's a parable about black markets, the nanny state, and the morality of resisting silly, arbitrary laws.

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Source: Wiki Commons

On it's surface, the 1970 Christmas classic Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town is a origin story for the titicular jolly elf. Like the other Rankin/Bass stop-motion animated holiday classics (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Little Drummer Boy) of the era, Santa Claus uses a popular mid-century Christmas song as a jumping-off point for a kid-friendly story about Chirstmas cheer, magical animals, and overcoming adversity.

But Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town is also a parable about prohibition, black markets, and the awful consequences of arbitrary laws enforced by nanny states. It casts Santa Claus as a heroic individualist who disdains nonsensical regulations, operates by his own moral code, and ultimately chooses to exit a society that views him as a threat to its enforced order.

It is, in short, the most libertarian holiday special ever made.

For those who haven't seen it in a while, Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town opens (after a brief scene introducing the Fred Astaire–voiced postman who narrates for the story, which is told in flashback) in the vaguely Bavarian hamlet of Sombertown. The town is governed by the portly, short-tempered Burgermeister Meisterburger. After tripping over a child's toy and tumbling down the steps in front of City Hall, Meisterburger issues a strict edict banning all toys. "Either they are going or I am going," he declares, "and I am certainly not going." Chuck Schumer would be a fan.

The official statement sounds all too familiar in an age of moral panics and tough-on-crime policies: "Toys are hereby declared illegal, immoral, unlawful, and anyone found with a toy in his possession will be placed under arrest and thrown into the dungeon. No kidding!" Almost immediately, agents of the state swarm into the streets and begin confiscating toys.

The boy who will grow up to become Santa Claus starts out as an orphaned baby abandoned in the mountains outside of Sombertown. He is rescued by a family of toymaking elves, the Kringles, who name the boy Chris. The elves are too small to make the perilous journey across the mountains to the village, and so they have no way to deliver their meticulously crafted gifts to the boys and girls who live there. Once he's older, Chris volunteers to take a sack of toys to the town.

Kringle (and his penguin sidekick, Topper) arrive to a particularly somber Sombertown. When he opens his sack of toys in the town square, the kids are thrilled—until an uptight schoolteacher named Jessica interrupts the fun by reminding the kids that "toys are against the law!"

"Gee, that's kind of a silly law," says Kringle. He immediately disobeys it (and wins Jessica over) by giving her a doll.

The Burgermeister spots kids playing with the new toys and is infuriated. When he orders the arrest of some of the children, Kringle intervenes and offers the Burgermeister a yo-yo. It immediately improves the mayor's sour mood, until his top law enforcement officer reminds him that he's breaking his own law—but the distraction gives Kringle an opportunity to escape arrest.

After getting back home, Kringle launches a guerrilla campaign to smuggle toys into Sombertown. He adopts the conventions that we now associate with Santa Claus—arriving under cover of darkness, entering homes through unconventional means, hiding toys in stockings hung by the fire to dry overnight—as a way to supply Sombertown's demand for toys while avoiding law enforcement.

Santa Claus, the movie tells us, is essentially a heroic bootlegger.

Predictably, a crackdown comes. Unable to stop the flow of toys into the town, the Burgermeister's soldiers adopt more aggressive tactics. They burst into homes unannounced, seize private property, and subject violators to clearly excessive punishments. "If you find so much as one marble or half a jack, the entire house is under arrest," the Burgermeister bellows before a half-dozen armed agents carry out one such pre-dawn raid.

All of which strikes a little too close to home in an age when American citizens can be sentenced to life in prison for carrying half an ounce of marijuana. If the Burgermeister had known about asset forfeiture laws, the poor residents of Sombertown may have ended up homeless.

The story's climax comes when the Burgermeister manages to snare Chris—and the rest of the Kringle family, who are charged with being accomplices to his lawbreaking. They're tossed in the dungeon and a bonfire is held to destroy the remaining illegal toys. But Jessica recognizes the moral failure of the Bergermeister's prohibitionist policies and busts the family out of prison. With the help of some reindeer and magical corn, they make a flying escape from Sombertown.

Meanwhile, Chris grows a beard as a disguise, renames himself Santa Claus, and proposes to Jessica. Their marriage again reinforces the libertarian message of the movie. "No town would have them," so they are wedded in a simple woodland ceremony that doesn't require any pesky government-issued license.

Then they go full Galt, moving to a secret location near the North Pole to resume their toy-making activities—bestowing the fruits of their labors on those children who live by a moral code that's based on natural law rather than any rules sanctioned by a state.

Eventually, we're told, the Meisterburgers died off and were replaced. "By and by," Astaire says, "the good people realized how silly their laws were."

It's an unconventional happy ending, but one that resonates with fans of freedom. The oppressive government loses, and the revolutionary outsider wins public acclaim for violating unjust laws. And parents get a convenient way to keep their kids in line.

NEXT: It's OK To Make Money on Genetic Research

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  1. Has the Ayn Rand foundation sued for royalties yet?

    1. Royalties?

      Someone should sue because the guy who wrote this has never head of Kris Kringle

      KRIS, Eric. Not ‘Chris’

    2. Well Kris is motivated by altruism so the case was quickly dismissed.

      1. Do those elves have OCD? Who makes toys they don’t want and cannot deliver to customers? That’s like drilling oil before anyone builds the pipeline. And what type of government passes a law against toys in the first place?

  2. It’s been a pretty shitty Christmas this year. I hope everyone else’s is going better.

    1. Sorry to hear that.

    2. Things can always get better and always get worse.

      May 2019 be the year to make up for a bad Christmas 2018.

  3. To further the libertarian narrative you should probably mention that the cruel authoritarian fanatical Burgermeister kept getting re-elected to his position every 4 years by the good citizens of Sombertown even though opinion polls showed him to have only a 20% approval rating because it’s not like voting for a non-mainstream candidate was a realistic option.

    1. It’s like the woman who choose really shitty mates and everyone feels sorry for her and her kids. It’s a strange world. You’re only responsible for your decisions if you’re not a victim.

      1. I have never felt sorry for your mom. Her choices are her choices.

        1. Hey, at least I have the common courtesy to give her a reach-around.

        2. His mom has great taste in men! Why just last night I … oh, that’s what he meant by “shitty Christmas”.

    2. DO YOU WANT TO WASTE YOUR VOTE!

    3. Sombertown needed to implement ranked choice voting.

  4. something new for my kids to watch this year. I’ve never actually seen this one either.

    1. Oh I feel old

  5. Eventually, we’re told, the Meisterburgers died off and were replaced.

    Replaced by someone who promised to make Sombertown great again, much to the dismay of entrenched Sombertown bureaucrats and a Meisterburger sycophantic press.

  6. Best Reason article this year!

    I was chuckling through most of it! One of the few Reason articles that leaves you with a smile at the end.

    1. Gozer the Traveller! He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveller came as a large and moving Torb! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex Supplicants they chose a new form for him–that of a Giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zulls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day, I can tell you.

    2. I chuckle through most Reason articles these days… when I’m not crying.

  7. Er, no.

    Showing up in Sombertown and selling or trading toys would be Libertarian, or at least free market. Promising an endless supply of goodies created by magic, not so much.

    Humbug.

    1. Given that the elves are giving away their toys voluntarily, and that nanny-statism definitely extends to bans on independent acts of altruism like feeding the homeless, I think it still meshes with libertarian values.

      1. Yeah, let’s not get all objectivist here. Voluntary charity is entirely consistent with libertarianism, and should be encouraged as an alternative to state services.

        1. +100

    2. The Kringles work for the king.

      The king of the land that Sombertown is a part of thought that toys and play were so important that he had a First Toymaker. There’s a song about it.

      The Burghermeister was, presumably, appointed by him.

      So they’re not ‘free’. They’re all the toys that built up during the prohibition.

      1. And Kris (not ‘Chris’, fix the article) DID sell the toys.

        Though it sounds as cringey as Baby it’s Cold Ourtside today—

        “When you sit on my lap today,
        A kiss a toy is the price you’ll pay!”

        Yes. It’s another song.

        1. “When you sit on my lap today,
          A kiss a toy is the price you’ll pay!”

          WOW! How has THAT gotten past the new morality?? Pedophile son of a bastard!

  8. We have our own Christmas special brewing before us.

    The federal government is shutdown and Trump kept the National Parks open. This way tourists can witness how little they actually need federal workers and are not inconvenienced by past National Park shutdowns.

    1. RBG refuses to retire, so with latest medical problem its definitely gonna be Trump who gets to nominate a replacement for her on the SCOTUS.

    2. Trump is puling US troops out of Syria and Afghanistan.

      Operation Inherent Resolve (2014?present ) 14 [Combat deaths] 47 [Other deaths] 64 [Wounded]
      War in Afghanistan (2001?present) 1,833 [Combat deaths] 383 [Other deaths] 20,050 [Wounded]

  9. This “thing” where every random bit that comes to our attention somehow becomes an object lesson in whatever we’re already thinking about–needs to go.

    It’s so wrong, it’s hard to know where to start. Maybe two quick points.

    1) Psychiatric disorders

    It’s a central component of a number of psychiatric disorders from paranoia (everything that happens somehow indicates that you’re all out to get me!) to grandiose delusions. When I worked in a psychiatric hospital, there was a guy for whom everything he saw confirmed in his mind that he was the emperor Nero.

    2) Confirmation bias

    If you can find confirmation of your preexisting biases in anything you look at, what does that say about your objectivity? It’s the intellectual equivalent of “The Boy who Cried Wolf”. Found another wolf, did you? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    1. Fair enough (the homoerotic Marxist-feminist reading of Moby Dick was probably a bit excessive- I never really took to Ahab’s castration fears and his fanatical attempt to subjugate the feminine); however-

      Isn’t that just reductionist thinking, annulling synchronicity and the ability to derive meaning? I mean in a modern context, would it be that surprising to find Nero in a psychiatric hospital? They did say he would return…

      You never escape your preexisting bias of being human. Unless you want to bring up that furry hobby, again, but I hardly think that is relevant here.

      HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

  10. Is anybody else keeping up with the story of the German reporter who’s been fired and had all his awards taken away because he supposedly fabricated some stories about Trump country and Trump voters?

    Claas Relotius is apparently an extremely well respected journalist for one of the most well respected news outlets in Germany–at least he was. Then a couple of people from the town he wrote about wrote an eleven point refutation of the facts in his article, and he’s been disgraced and fired.

    You can read the eleven point takedown here:

    http://medium.com/@micheleande…..2f3e0e01a7

    As I read the refutation of the facts, I kept noticing that many of the things he was writing were simply confirmation bias. It’s as if someone walked into a place with all these biases against rural people, Trump voters, etc. and wrote things the way they saw them–it’s just that the way they see the world is heavily distorted by their preexisting biases. It’s like the way someone with a social anxiety disorder might have seen the same place and the same people. There may be some instances of sloppy journalism there–not keeping names and dates straight. But a lof of that could be explained by the elitist, biased mindset of the journalist.

    Calling him dishonest may be giving him the benefit of the doubt. What if he’s simply so biased that he couldn’t even see the real world even if he were really trying?

    1. The New York Times needs to hire Mr. Relotius. He is a perfect fit for the Ole’ Gray Lady.

    2. This Claas must be Santa’s no-good cousin.

    3. You’ll never guess the Guardian’s angle:

      “The scandal has sparked fears that the far right will exploit the scandal to sow further distrust of the media. The German far right has a long history of attacking the press.

      “In recent years, the anti-immigration group Pegida and elements of the Alternative for Germany (AfD) have resurrected the Nazi-era slur of L?genpresse (“lying press”) to describe mainstream journalism they claim does not represent the world as they see it. These voices have been further emboldened by US President Donald Trump’s attacks on the media and his use of the term “fake news.””

      1. Coincidentally, I’ve noticed, in recent years, that mainstream journalism has been associating most any populist movement with the Nazis.

        You know who else criticized mainstream journalism?

        1. You know who else published fake news while calling their opponents liars?

          1. Tony?
            All the Hinns?
            Oh, wait. Was the a rhetorical question?

            1. And Tony immediately proves it (below)

              1. The Uranium One conspiracy is so easily disproved that one renders oneself totally not credible by even mentioning it. It’s like you people have an alternate google that doesn’t show you easily verifiable facts. How many pages do you have to scroll through on average to get to a website that confirms your opinions on stuff? Don’t you think it’s a terrible way to go through life never confronting any of your preconceived beliefs, even when the evidence against them is overwhelming?

                1. Don’t you think it’s a terrible way to go through life never confronting any of your preconceived beliefs
                  I do feel a little sorry for you sometimes Tony; but when you blatantly lie like the above or talk like a serial killer whenever abortion’s brought up, any empathy I’ve had for you quickly disappears. You’re willfully blind and evil.

                  1. All you have to do is look it up.

                2. Ummm, Google began customizing search results years ago. Did you really think that the planet was starting to realize that you were right all along?

                  1. You can choose to believe all the fact checkers, Wikipedia, and other mainstream sources of information, or you can choose to believe crackpot rightwingers with an obvious agenda. On U1, my feeling is truly that once you understand the facts, any remotely non-retarded human being can figure out how there was no fucking conspiracy.

                    How many lies do you people think you are entitled to before the sane world starts treating you as the useless, malignant force you are?

      2. “In recent years, the anti-immigration group Pegida and elements of the Alternative for Germany (AfD) have resurrected the Nazi-era slur of L?genpresse (“lying press”)

        Yes. It was used to describe press that backed Hitler.

        We leave that part out, of course. We pretend that the Nazis used the term to refer to the press they controlled.

        It is used today in a similar way–to alert the people to the authoritarian, totalitarian, lying press. The Fake News Media.

    4. There is one absolutely true generalization you can make about Trump supporters: they think it’s a good idea for Donald Trump to be president.

      I don’t care if you’re a rocket surgeon, that is itself confirmation of idiocy.

      1. Consider the alternative: Hillary UraniumOne Clinton, the cattle futures genius, Russian collaborator, Democracy denying violator of the US constitution. We had no choice.

        Trump is not a very likable fellow, but he has done some good stuff for the country.

        #StillAgainstHer
        #CoughingFit

        1. If only you were educated enough to know that all of that stuff is right-wing conspiracy theories. Lies. It’s all fucking lies. So you’ve argued against yourself.

          1. Why do you hate baby Jesus, Tony? He died for your sins, though numerous as they are.

            1. He didn’t die though! He’s the least dead person who ever died! He got to be alive again and be a fucking deity. I don’t understand why I’m supposed to feel sad or grateful or anything about that. I mean, good for him, but a sacrifice it was not.

              1. Yes, that’s why we’re all going to Hell. Jesus was supposed to give His life to atone for our sins, but He backed out of the deal and rose from the dead to go live in Paradise. As a result, our sins have not been paid for and we’re all damned.

                1. Even if you splash some water on your face and/or regularly tell a pedophile about all your dirty secrets?*

                  *People actually believe this

                  1. and/or regularly tell a pedophile about all your dirty secrets
                    Professional jealousy, Tony?

                    1. Tony majored in psychology?

                2. Uhm, no. His death wiped away the stigma of Original Sin only (don’t ask me man, the god with the most guns gets to make the rules). All the sins after that are on the individual sinner.

                  1. Either way, since he queered the deal by refusing to stay dead, we’re stuck with damnation for our sins.

                    1. He became a zombie to let everyone know that they all get to be zombies too, and live in god’s basement, perpetually eating Cheetos, getting high, playing video games and almost* getting it on with that cute girl/guy.

                      *yes, ‘almost’–there’s none of that in Heaven.

                      For that, you need to take the Down Escalator.

                    2. Hey, Jamshed starts his drug rehab program on Friday!

    5. I think most of that takedown seems well beyond simply cherry-picking facts or displaying interpretive bias, and well into the realm of making up falsehoods to embellish a story in support of one’s biases. Mixing up names? Okay, journalistic negligence, or even waffling about whether to make up “composite characters”. Confusing whether a library once had another function? Likewise. Making up a slogan for the town’s welcome sign? Placing it in a deep, dark forest rather than a tree-dotted prairie? Contriving a biography for the City Administrator that wrongly makes him an open-carrying, virginal, Patriots fan? Making up details of a class trip and a “western-themed” party that never took place?

      I’ll agree he’s likely negligent in the service of bias, but as we’ve seen with high-profile, popular journalists in the past, there’s apparently a slippery slope between biased-interpretation and outright embellishments. Relotius seems to have screamed down that slope with the pedal to the floor.

  11. Excellent piece in the Washington Post detailing Putin’s Puppet’s disastrous foreign policy blunders.

    It’s official. We lost the Cold War.

    President Hillary Clinton would not have made these terrible mistakes.

    #StillWithHer
    #LibertariansForWinningTheColdWar

    1. You’re right. Hillary is more of a neocon than Bush Jr. ever was, and not only would she never have collaborated with Putin to defeat ISIS in Syria, she also wouldn’t have withdrawn from Syria after they were destroyed.

      1. ISIS’s demise is a “fact” shared only by you and Donald Trump. Not even Fox & Friends believes it. Give us a break, Ken. He just made it up. He just asserted it. Do you believe everything Donald Trump asserts? Most of even his strongest defenders usually say something like “Don’t listen to what he says or read what he tweets, for god’s sake, watch what he does.”

        1. #WarToday,WarTomorrow,WarForever

          1. Tony takes his cues from the warmongers on Fox now?

            1. Let me be clear. The choice is between the foreign policy establishment, whatever you may think of them, and Donald Trump’s brain farts. Not every choice is an ideal one.

              1. If Donald Trump’s brain farts get our armed forces out of foreign shitholes and back home, then I’m pro-fart.

                1. You think Tony appreciates that point?

                  The post wasn’t about Fox News. It was about Tony.

                  Tony has excoriated anybody who watches Fox News for years–because they watch Fox News.

                  Now he’s quoting them as an authority.

                  Tony doesn’t understand the ad hominem fallacy, and he doesn’t understand the appeal to authority either. In fact, he’ll excoriate people with an ad hominem fallacy and then use the people he excoriated with that fallacy as an authority.

                  You can see it with your own eyes.

                  1. I’m just waiting for you idiots to declare Fox & Friends part of the leftist conspiracy.

                    1. Poor Tony. Hes waiting for anything he says to be correct.

              2. Tony, remind me again why Princeton’s School of Public and International Affairs is named after the president that resegregated the federal government.

                1. No idea. Didn’t realize you were such a snowflake.

    2. It was interesting the number of liberal commenters on this story in the Post that apparently want to go to war with Russia in Syria, apparently because this was Obama’s war and they don’t want to lose it.

      1. Hillary would have proceeded immediately with World War Three. The “liberals” are disappointed.

  12. Because it’s make believe?

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    1. I read internet from domestic. I say nyet to non-domestic.

  14. After getting back home, Kringle launches a guerrilla campaign to smuggle toys into Sombertown.

    This is why we need a one world government. Its because of lax jurisdictions allowing the smuggling of guns/drugs that Mexico’s/America’s level of violence is so high.

    If something is illegal somewhere, it must be illegal everywhere.

  15. If I hear any more goddamn jingle bells I’m gonna smother myself with a pillow. Or those louder bells. Every single commercial has bells playing in the background for a solid fucking month. Anyone else being driven insane by this?

    It’s so difficult trying to explain to my loved ones that, while I am very fond of them, I truly, deeply hate Christmas. If you want to see me, call me up when you’re in town. I just bought a house. You’re welcome any time. I have cocktails and snacks. Just make the bells stop. For the love of God. They will never stop, will they? Not until this planet is a burning cinder will the stranglehold this terrible, tacky fucking holiday has over humanity end.

    1. This time of year can be trying, I agree to that. Christmas music does get very old. Hate eats at ones soul, though. Just roll with it. Light a candle and pray for a better year.

      1. I had a great year, though many of my coworkers and friends did not. It’s just the oppressiveness of Christmas. At least people who aren’t nominally Christian can simply ignore it. It stresses everyone out. We do it every year, the same way, because it’s the path of least resistance. My sister and I figured out the gift situation a few minutes ago, so that stress is mostly worked out, but when our parents are gone we plan to take a .357 magnum and take Christmas out to the woods and shoot it in the fucking head.

        1. #StopGunViolence!!!

        2. #TonyTheGrinchWhoHatesBabyJesus

        3. Tony, I think hating Jesus makes you antisemitic. You will lose your progressive credentials that way.

          1. Nah man – in today’s Progressive society its *mandatory* to be anti-semitic. You just claim that you don’t really hate Jews, just the one country in the world that’s full of them.

            1. So by this logic you cannot object to anything Pakistan does, because that would be anti-Muslim. Or are Jews better than Muslims?

              1. You’re confusing two different issues. Yes, Judaism is superior to Islam. Yes, you can disagree with the government of Israel without being anti-Jewish.

                1. Sure, “you can disagree with the government of Israel without being anti-Jewish” but you can’t do it without being accused of being anti-semitic. Especially by some fundamentalist who thinks Israel is great because “those people” should be living “there” instead of “here”.

                2. Yes, you can disagree with the government of Israel without being anti-Jewish.

                  You can’t really.

                  Because what you’re disagreeing with, when all things are said and done, is the right of the Jews in Israel to defend themselves from a murderous ideology that wants them dead even when they’re NOT in Israel.

                  1. So you can’t disagree with the (ever-changing) government of Israel at any time or you hate Jews. Checks out.

                    1. It’s easy to deduce a protester’s feelings and ultimate goal by wither he focuses on a desired policy change or starts off with “look at what that evil Israel did again.” Opponents of Israel often criticize Israeli policies even when their own countries have worse policies that they never complain about.

                  2. The state of Israel, which is populated by people of many ethnicities and religions, has the right to defend itself against foreign attackers, like any other state. Conceding that does not imply agreement with every policy and action of the government of Israel. Expressing such disagreement in no way implies any negative attitude or feelings towards Jewish people in general.

                    1. The state of Israel, which is populated by people of many ethnicities and religions, has the right to defend itself against foreign attackers, like any other state. Conceding that does not imply agreement with every policy and action of the government of Israel. Expressing such disagreement in no way implies any negative attitude or feelings towards Jewish people in general.

                      Okay then, name an Israeli policy to disagree with that has nothing to do with the enemy state that seeks to wipe the Jews from the face of the Earth.

                      Think there aren’t enough LGBTQ+ folks in the Knesset? Or think that this or that policy is disadvantageous to the Palestinians? Because the Palestinians ARE that ‘enemy state’ I mentioned.

                    2. Well, at least you’re conceding their statehood…

              2. For starters, most libertarians are non-interventionists. If you are going to criticize the policies of foreign nations, your criticism should be based on an international norm, not the particular country. If you demand justice for the millions of Hindus and Sikhs who fled Pakistan during the partition of the region when the British left, you should also criticize the expulsion of ethnic Europeans from their farms in Zimbabwe and the expulsion of Greeks from Asia minor:

                The Greek state was established after a war of independence that began in 1821, and over the next 100 years the two nations clashed repeatedly as Greece tried to liberate fellow Greeks still under Ottoman rule. After Turkish forces routed a Greek army in Asia Minor in 1922, the Lausanne Treaty established the borders of the Republic of Turkey. An exchange of populations ended over two millenniums of a Greek presence in Asia Minor. The two NATO members again nearly went to war in 1974, when Turkey invaded Cyprus, and also in 1987 and 1996 over disputed territory and rights in the Aegean Sea.

          2. Hating a fictional character invented ex-post-facto and sent back 150 years in time is OK. Jesus is kind of a reverse Rip Van Winkle. He wrote nothing, and neither did any of his male companions. Nor is there any word of a trial or crucifixion of any of the three principals of lore and legend in surviving court records of Pilate. The effigies, avatars and graven images of bloody cadavers wearing briar patch turbans are thornography–child thornography because intended to terrify children into accepting altruism. There is no contemporary record of any such person–though there are detailed Greek records from earlier centuries. Look it up.

            1. I like Jesus as Flip Van Winkle…

        4. #JingleBellsYearRound

        5. “Danny Gold investigates the movement converting El Salvador’s gang members into born-again Christians.”

          Jesus is saving even MS13, Tony. Surely, you to can be saved too.

          1. Yes, the Jesus people have done such a bang-up job “saving” Latin Americans over the centuries.

            1. Fastest growing religious movement in Latin America.

      1. Seriously though – just click through them or mute. That’s what I do with all commercials.

    2. I truly, deeply hate Christmas.
      Possibly the least shocking thing Tony’s ever said. He’s actually becoming a cartoon caricature.
      Add that to his ever growing enemies list along with kittens, babies, true love and the Jews.

  16. If we’re going to read libertarian virtues into everything, I nominate Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”.

    Capitalist, Ebeneezer Scrooge, is working late on Christmas Eve because he has a business to run and times are hard. I mean, there are street urchins running around in the street, the British government is taxing the fuck out of everybody to spread the Queen’s idea of civilization to every edge of her “sun never sets” empire, and he’s trying to keep himself and his employees afloat. Meanwhile, he’s got a sniveling little assistant who seems to be complaining about having a job!

    I want to go home. It’s Christmas Eve. I’ve got a family!

    Obviously, the employee doesn’t give a shit about his family, or he wouldn’t be risking his job like that. Turns out, the employee even has a sick child who’s probably gonna die without proper care–but the employee starts complaining about having to work for Mr. Scrooge anyway. The sheer audacity and, let’s face it, ingratitude of this employee blows Scrooge’s mind. First, he starts having weird visions. By the end of the story, poor Scrooge’s mind has been so blown by his employee’s ingratitude that he literally starts throwing money out the window!

    Scrooge goes over to his employee’s house and throws him a feast to remember with the hard-won profits of his labor! And does the employee even apologize?

    No.

    1. You mean if you were to read the exact opposite message into it. As if it were a cautionary tale, a horror story. Well it does have ghosts.

      1. Exactly. A Christmas Carol shows us that, yes, progressives are the true heirs to Christian anti-wealth, forced charitable giving and moralizing.

        1. Fans of Darwin panicked so much when he hear about the Union army winning the war that they started the Progressive movement.

    2. Ken Shultz|12.23.18 @ 1:44PM|#
      “If we’re going to read libertarian virtues into everything, I nominate Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”.”

      There are truly an amazing number of people who ignore this is a fantasy and treat it as if it were ‘journalism’. Sorta like the folks who think that fat slob Moore is other than a propagandist.

      1. I thought you people were always shoving private charity into discussions about how your actual Greed is Good system is, by itself, totally incapable of maintaining a decent society.

        Oh, perhaps you’re a Randian. Fuck Tiny Tim. What a mooch.

        1. Tony|12.23.18 @ 5:02PM|#
          “I thought you people were always shoving private charity into discussions about how your actual Greed is Good system is, by itself, totally incapable of maintaining a decent society.”

          Fucking drunk lefty ignoramus tries to make sense…
          And fails.

        2. Its kind of funny how societies without significant private charity – especially where all the ‘charity’ is from the state – tend to be pretty horrible places to live in.

        3. Yes, giving private charity is a greedy act, because it makes the giver feel good. Evolution equipped us with the emotional intelligence to differentiate between the worthy recipient of charity and the guy who wants to spend a fortune of tax payer money researching the habits of a termite on Easter Island and brags that his salary is only 10% of the $1.3 Million he will need for conducting the one year study.

  17. “The Little Drummer Boy” had a religious message that wouldn’t be permitted on a prime time TV special these days.

    1. So does “A Charlie Brown Christmas”.

      1. What’s the name of that Christmas movie about two girls sharing one cup?

        1. You and your Christmas bukkake flicks!

          This isn’t the thread for pr0n.

  18. The pattern for this story was established by none other than H.L. Mencken in 1924. Like Diogenes searching for honesty, Mencken was searching for heroism (same difference, by his lights). The hero he discovered was the bootlegger: “the dashing, romantic, defiant fellow who brings the stuff up from Bimini.” Not ALL that different from Santa Claus. https://preview.tinyurl.com/y953rjs6

  19. I’m thinking you made that whole story up. By the way, it’s Kris, not Chris. Sheesh.

    1. I thought he was named Nicholas, or Nikolai or something

  20. How can someone giving away free stuff be libertarian?

    1. Yeah, seems more like the magical thinking of socialists.

    2. The economy of Venezuela is built on similar principles.

    3. Because we can do what we want we with our own stuff. Motivations may be varied- sometimes it’s charity, sometimes it’s just for kicks and it can even be for revenge- but if you want to give away your stuff, you can. It’s when the government or an other individual steals your stuff to give away or doesn’t allow you to give away your stuff that it’s not libertarian. It’s a pretty simple concept and the fact that some people don’t get it makes them lose a lot of libertarian credibility.

      1. When folks ask me what libertarians would do about social programs, I ask them, if their tax bill was cut in half, would they give a portion of that gain in income to charity.

        They generally don’t answer.

        1. It’s not that simple. You might want to start that conversation by asking them how much they give to charity now. Americans are noted for charitable contributions even with the steep taxes we pay. In 2014, the last year I was in business, I gave more than $25,000 to charity- from my own pocket and not the business’s- and donated all kinds of services and merchandise from the business. I have also seen many people write checks for that amount to a single charity at one time. Many, many people donate time to charities and that time may increase of people aren’t working to pay for taxes and have more free time.

          Then there’s the other side of it. Had I gotten a tax break on my huge business taxes, I would probably give some of it to charities but much of it would go to retirement savings and other things the government has taken over and pays for with the money they steal from us.

          1. Americans gave over $410 billion in charity in 2017.

            That just speaks for itself. That does not include unclaimed charity that is done for the sake of charity.

    4. Santa Claus doesn’t give anything away.

      He trades toys for good behavior.

      And, if you’re bad, Krampus and Black Peter are always waiting. They trade beatings and torture for bad behavior.

      1. Oh my! I just read that Black Peter is Black because he is a Moor from Spain. What type of a racist drops a hint about Arabs being violent to keep his European friends in line unless he’s a left-winger talking to Jews?

    5. They are the homemade toys the elves created to pass the time, because they are stuck at home to avoid the violent street crime that plagues a society where the police spend all their time searching for toys.

      Say, “Hi,” to Detective Nase at the Department of Homeland Security for me.

  21. #resist is #war.

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  23. Good review, but have you actually watched “The Little Drummer Boy” in the past 30 years or so? That shit was DARK.

    1. “The Washington Post reported that Rachel Uretsky-Pratt was so touched by a gift of marshmallows from a Lucky Charms cereal box that she shared the story with others on her social media page “to help put your life into perspective.””

      A little girl, deep in poverty, yet touched by the love of Christ gave what she had. This is touching.

      Merry Christmas.

  24. “Give War A Chance”

    Hillary

  25. We should all follow the prudent diktats our ruling elitist turds have invoked upon us.
    After all, our country wouldn’t be in the situation it is in now if weren’t for them.
    Just look what they have done to our country.

  26. Hmm, I don’t understand why I’m supposed to feel sad or grateful or anything about that. I mean, good for him, but a sacrifice it was not.

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