Brickbat: Don't Put Shetland in a Box


Marc-andré Le Tourneux /

A new Scottish law bars government agencies from putting the Shetland Islands in a box on maps. The islands are about 150 miles from the Scottish mainland. Mapmakers say putting the islands in a box allow them to create maps that don't waste space representing water. Shetland residents complain the practice minimizes the difficulties they face living so far from the mainland.

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  1. I actually agree with this. With the island boxed in on all sides like they have it, residents are unable to escape to the mainland the harsh conditions of forced island living.

    1. Don’t forget all the lives lost to navigation errors.

      1. If you’re still using paper maps you deserve to get your ass adrift at sea.

        1. Certainly if you are using atlas style maps rather than proper marine navigational charts.

          1. I use modern satellite positioning–but only from services that use GLONASS. None of this cuck navigation from the GPS deep state.

  2. Shhh don’t let the Hawaiikans or Alaskans!

    1. twig to this whinge.

    2. The freak states!

      1. oh fuck, what about Australia?

  3. However, it does note that authorities can avoid complying with this if they provide “information” about their reasons.
    What is “Fuck you and the pony you rode in on” in Shetlandic?

    1. Probably not much differently from how you say it in standard English, only with a bit of funny pronunciation, grammar, and vocabulary. I remember being disappointed to find out that the Northern Isles are strongholds only of Scots, that Robert Burns sounding English creole; the stronghold of Scottish, the Gaelic language, is in the Hebrides, those islands close in to the West of Scotland. (Which is also where you get many of the remaining traditional unconverted Scottish Catholics.)

      And as with the traditional Irish Gaeltacht, if perhaps a bit slower, the language continues its sharp decline in its heartland; the language’s apparent demographic is mostly “patriotic” urban yuppies (the English have made nationalism into an oddly proggy social signal in these places and they alone) educating their kids in a standardized dialect in trendy bilingual-exposure schools.

      1. *apparent demographic comeback

  4. Look, difficulties all gone! Thanks legislators you always fix everything!!!

  5. Don’t get me started on the Mercator projection world map. Greenland is shown the size of Africa and it make America’s wang look small.

  6. Fine, leave them off the map entirely.

    1. +1, best solution. Let them join the great unmapped.

  7. We do the Alaskans far worse: We minimize them. This is no doubt due to the outsize influence of Texas in the Lower 48, who maintain this oppression out of jealousy: (1) Alaska’s Indians tattoo their faces, worship in Russian Orthodox churches, carve totem poles, have those cool Northern Exposure type accents, hunt bear and moose and seal and chill in igloos and do all sorts of badass shit, whereas Texas’s are basically just glorified Mexicans; (2) as any Alaskan can you, after 100 years of “Everything’s bigger in Texas” they had to deal with the fact that if Alaskans really wanted to stick it to them, they’d divide the state in half, making Texas the third biggest. (Of course Texas will probably soon be the biggest in population, so I guess they’ll have their revenge.) Half the time they’re left off entirely.

    I guess the only consolation is that the propaganda runs Alaska’s way during the most important life phase of all–childhood. There we can duly observe every day, right under the cursive letters, how Alaska is only slightly smaller than the rest of the country put together; only mighty Greenland, slightly smaller than the rest of North America, could hope to put it in its place.

    1. Alaska has a place, it’s upper US.

      1. There totally in denali about their importance to the lower 48.

        1. *they’re

          1. *pats DP on head* there there

  8. Good they don’t have extraterrestrial colonies yet.

  9. Very well. Now let’s develop proper astronomical portrayals.

    For instance, mostl solar system charts are *way* out of proportion.

    1. Pluto unavailable for comment…

      1. I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy.

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