New Low: Beto O'Rourke Apologizes for Denouncing T&A in College Theater Review

Eventually we'll have exposés of politicians stealing juiceboxes in kindergarten.


Columbia Records

I have no dog in the Texas senate race (if I lived there, I guess I'd vote for the Libertarian candidate, Neal Dikeman), but the latest turn between Democrat Beto O'Rourke and incumbent Republican Ted Cruz is truly nauseating. This, folks, is why libertarians want politics to matter as little as possible in everyday life.

Tipped off by the Cruz campaign, Politico dug up a 1991 theater review that O'Rourke penned on The Will Rogers Follies while he was a student at Columbia University. It was a popular show back in the day, built around the folksy antics of the title character, but young O'Rourke was moved to "disgust," writing that

one cannot help feeling disgusted throughout the show. Keith Carradine in the lead role is surrounded by perma-smile actresses whose only qualifications seem to be their phenomenally large breasts and tight buttocks.

Note to O'Rourke: It's called a chorus. Anyway, at the close of his pan, O'Rourke notes that he "was the youngest person in the crowd by about 60 years. Though I found it revolting, most people from that long-ago, faraway generation really enjoyed the show, and were very pleased by the performances."

So what did O'Rourke do when the Cruz campaign pushed his politically correct, ultra-sensitive review into the light?

"I am ashamed of what I wrote and I apologize. There is no excuse for making disrespectful and demeaning comments about women."

This is where we're at, folks. There is no goddamn way this 1991 review is in any way newsworthy or offensive, and O'Rourke's apology is completely unnecessary and pathetic. Does this make it a "win" for Ted Cruz and his campaign, then? No, it shows that in a political season which is historically awful, we've yet to reach bottom. I demand an investigation into Ted Cruz's high-school stint as a mime! Can we be sure that Dianne Feinstein or Charles Grassley never stole a juicebox in kindergarten, if kindergarten or juiceboxes were even things back then?

Because history is rapidly becoming a rerun of The Apprentice from which we cannot awaken, I'll leave you with a TV commercial featuring the second Mrs. Trump, Marla Maples, as one of those perma-smile actresses that so "disgusted" young Beto O'Rourke during his university days. Yes, she was in the chorus for a while.