Brickbat: Lord Love a Duck


Tony Bosse /

Dylan Dyke, 12, and his family are fighting to keep his two ducks. Georgetown Township, Michigan, officials say local zoning codes don't allow the family to keep ducks. Mark Dyke, Dylan's father, says neighbors complained the ducks could depress their property values. The dad says he doesn't understand that concern given that the family's home is next to a lake where you can find plenty of ducks and geese.

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  1. Roasted mallard wonderful with a nice cabernet

    1. Not bad, but I prefer mine with a vintage Ripple Blanc

      1. You can eat its liver with some fava beans and a nice Chi-yayn-tee.

  2. Mark Dyke, Dylan’s father, says neighbors complained the ducks could depress their property values.

    Not nearly as much as a molotov cocktail would, assholes. Jesus fuck people, leave others alone if they’re not doing anything to you. “Raising a pair of ducks” does not count as “doing something”.

    1. Depressing property values is a form of harm. Where do you draw the line — would a pig slaughterhouse be harm enough? A rendering plant? Jeezus you people have no sense of proportion.

      1. I have no sense of proportion for being outraged over the town getting on this family for owning pair of ducks?

        You can’t see that there’s about a 5,000 mile gap between “a pair of ducks as pets” and “a commercial hog rendering plant”?

        Yeah, clearly I’m the one with the proportionality issues.

        1. Or you could look overhead for that “whooooosh” sound…..

  3. The dad says he doesn’t understand that concern given that the family’s home is next to a lake where you can find plenty of ducks and geese.
    Grab the shotgun. We need to protect property values. Has anyone seen deer in the neighborhood?

  4. How long does a duck live? It’s probably the autistic kid in the neighborhood that the township and neighbors decided they’re not zoned for.

    1. Brids in captivity can live many years. Some more than 20,years.

      1. Bird life spans very much depend on species.

        The lifespan of a domesticated duck is around 10 years.

        The record for a ruby-throated hummingbird in captivity is 6 years 11 months.

        Parrots on the hand:

        What is the life expectancy of a parrot?

        Cookie a major Mitchell cockatoo which was the oldest cockatoo in captivity and the oldest known living parrot until it’s death on August 27, 2016 at the age of 83.

  5. There’s got to be more to the story than this, my guess is that the neighbors aren’t so much upset about having ducks in the neighborhood as much as they’re upset about the dykes.

  6. Busybody neighbors would depress a home’s value to me.

  7. Pet ducks are great until you step in their shit.

    1. True for all pets and SF homeless.

      1. I don’t know about that. I’ve never stepped in my gecko’s shit.

      2. So, maybe the neighborhood pays for a poo patrol…?

  8. See something, quack something. One bored retiree with too much time on their hands is the worst thing for any neighborhood. The tend to appoint themselves as a one person vigilance committee.

  9. No harm, no fowl.

    1. No fowl, no harm!

      1. The law says: No farm? No fowl!

  10. Tell the neighbors that they are rare eagles, owned by NY Gov. Cuomo, and nothing will happen to you.

    1. They MIGHT be stupid enough to fall for that, but unfortunately I think enough people have heard the old adage “if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it must be a duck” to figure it out.

      1. They’re from Michigan, they’re stupid enough to fall for that. There’s a reason people from Michigan are called Michiganders, you silly goose.

  11. Is Dylan Dyke’s daddy a doctor? If so, aren’t these two birds really Dylan Dyke’s daddy the doctor’s ducks?

  12. A graffito seen on a shit-house wall comes to mind:

    “A bush in the hand is worth two birds.”

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