Brickbat: Do You Kiss Your Mother with That Mouth?


Big mouth
Bowie15 /

Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni says the mouth is for eating, not sex. Museveni, who has overseen a crackdown on LGBTI people, says "outsiders" are trying to corrupt Ugandans by promoting oral sex.

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  1. You know who else didn’t like oral sex?

    1. Hitler?

      1. The correct answer is every women after they get married. Thanks for playing.

        1. Ah yes. I forgot. Been divorced for a couple years.

          What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
          After a year the job still sucks.

          What’s the difference between a dog and a wife?
          After a year the dog is still happy to see you when you come home.

        2. Why are brides so happy on their wedding day? They know that they’ve sucked their last dick.

          1. Until they get divorced.

            1. Perhaps that’s why my wife hasn’t left me.

              1. Perhaps that’s (one of the many reasons) why my wife left me.

    2. Ken Starr?

    3. My ex-wife was surprised when I went down on her. Come to think of it, my girlfriend back in my undergraduate days was surprised when I went down on her. Neither lady complained; they were just surprised that I was so casual about eating them out. When I studied for my conversion to Orthodox Judaism, I asked the rabbi to teach me the laws regarding relationships in the bedroom. He refused to teach me anything except for one law: do what your wife tells you to do. Anyway … speaking of Germans, why do Lutherans taste different?

      1. Garrison Keillor?

      2. Just be all the pork in their diet.

      3. The hot dish casserole diet?

  2. X-Men Origins Wolverine’s Deadpool?

  3. I hope I am naming the correct Hollywood actor but was it not the guy who just crashed his motorcycle who speculated that oral sex was to blame for a nasty type of cancer he was fighting? A kind we rednecks generally get from chewing tobacco?

    Actually, humans are pretty lonely in the animal kingdom when it comes to this behavior. Even Bonobos don’t go there. Back before I tried to use my brain for something other than worrying how it is that the DOJ/FBI/Clapperite CIA
    would give any Dem or Hillary associate the most cursory-perfunctory examination of any wrong doing (then exonerate them) but would instantly launch into all-out FISA court wiretapping and vicious prosecutions to go after conservatives I actually used to wonder if blow jobs were not an evolutionary advantage!

    It would work like this. Not all genetic information is transmitted sexually, through the gonads. It happens that between individuals of the same species or even sometimes individuals of sympatric species genes can be exchanged that may effect body functions and behaviors (the idea behind gene therapy) or in the long run lineage reversal or lineage fusion. The latter might be what happened to the Neanderthals. Secrets of the cave–don’t go there!

    1. Did you get it that when I said “not sexually” I meant the Bill Clinton definition that oral isn’t sex?

    2. Would you like some of my evolutionary advantage?

    3. Yeah, the human papilloma virus can cause cervical cancer, which means it might cause throat cancer depending on one’s preferences. However, the proper use of condoms and/or ketubahs can greatly reduce the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

      Speaking of disease risk, a UNICEF report on sanitation in Uganda says that 3 out of 10 Ugandan households do not have latrines and 10% of people in Uganda defecate in the open. I’ll bet that my ex-wife’s vagina is more hygienic than the average faucet in Uganda. So, yeah, um, I won’t be kissing the mouths of the ladies in Uganda let alone putting my tongue close to their private parts.

    4. Oral sex is less likely than vaginal or anal sex to contribute to gene transfer, which is likely to be miniscule in effect anyway. The digestive tract as a whole is less conducive to gene transfer; if not you’d have exchanged significant amounts of genes with your food before oral sex became popular in the last hundred years.

  4. Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni says the mouth is for eating, not sex.

    Even on my birthday?

  5. First, if the Ugandan President doesn’t like oral, let him speak for himself. No one is presumably forcing him to give or receive it. But why should he spoil the fun for other people? Oh wait, he’s a politician, that’s why. It’s in his job description.

    Second, what’s up with “LGBTl?” Since when did I get added? Does it stand for Intelligent? Italian? Itinerant? Indolent? Enlighten us please.

    1. Inigo

      1. Oh crap!

    2. Inbred

    3. “Intersex”, because now literal birth defects are considered a “sexuality”, I guess.

      1. Hey, that makes more sense from a physical reality standpoint than some of the other LGBT+ categories.

    4. Second, what’s up with “LGBTl?” Since when did I get added?

      A couple of years ago. It stands for “Intersex,” whatever the hell that is.

      What I’m wondering is, where did the “Q” go? Are the Ugandans actually OK with “queers” or is “queer” now back to being considered a slur?

      1. Intersex usually means people who have the physical phenotype of one sex but their bodies don’t make/use the typical hormones associated with that gender. Normally it’s men with penises who don’t respond to androgen (CAIS) or sex trisomies and are essentially women in every way but sex chromosomes and genitals. In fact, since women do respond to androgen, they tend to be more physically feminine.

        It makes a lot more sense than the simple “feel it” trans varieties, especially since it’s not the result of a mental disorder.

        1. It shouldn’t (and, as far as I know, isn’t) be used to describe people who take hormones in order to transition.

  6. “outsiders” are trying to corrupt Ugandans by promoting oral sex

    Someone needs to tell the guy it’s a worldwide conspiracy by manufacturers of hygiene products.

  7. Bruddahs, show him da whey.

  8. Poor Mrs. President Museveni.

    1. IDK, even though this means he won’t eat out her box, I suppose it also means she doesn’t have to suck his dick*. If she’s like most women, she probably considers that a win.

      *Unless he’s a massive hypocrite, which since he’s a politician is probably a pretty safe bet.

  9. Congratulations, Newsweek. You run the most obnoxiously broken website I’ve seen in a while.

    But yeah, my favorite part of these stories is how they always blame “outsiders”. Everything was hunky-dory until The West came along and ruined it.

  10. Museveni, who has overseen a crackdown on LGBTI people…

    Remember this the next time you see some sob story about how bad “LGBTI people” have it in this country because they can’t force Christians to bake them a wedding cake. Talk about “first world problems.”

    1. By that logic we can’t ever complain about everything, since there’s always somewhere it’s worse.

  11. Anyhow, the accelerated evolution thing would be because genes or just snippets of genes are hitching rides on viruses. In nature such pathways may play a critical survival role because advantageous attributes can be passed along more quickly. “Gee, Little Alfie is so much more creative than his father or grandfather and he croons “I Left My Heart In San Francisco” just like Johnny Mathis!” or maybe be crazily creative, sing, and dance like Danny Kaye.

    A much-criticized point about evolution theory is that you can always make up a “just so” story to explain anything. I could say that the ability to sing more sweetly (really sweetly) than anybody else is an obvious way to attract a mate. It doesn’t matter if the attractees are male as well as female. Many gay guys I know have to swat girls away like flies for this reason. The Rock Hudson syndrome. . .

    Another factor is how often people are doing oral sex. A gay male or a female prostitute may pleasure 25 guys in a busy night. Now you if you picture viruses and microbes as little race horses you are really giving them a fast course.

    Could all this be why backwards countries are backwards? In the Old South sodomy laws were sometimes enforced, did that preserver the backwoods psychobiological stasis?

    With genes there is usually a tradeoff. Protection from the sun by increased melatonin curses Africans with Sickle cell disease. Should gene-driven sexual behaviors be any different?

  12. LGBTI

    What’s 2Q, chopped liver?

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