Brickbat: Dummy


Color guard
Konstantin Pukhov /

Five schools in Boulder, Colorado, were placed on lock down after someone reported seeing a student carrying a gun case into a high school. It turned out to be a color guard member carrying a dummy rifle.

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  1. How many of these incidents are going to happen before we enact common sense fake gun control?

    1. Carole McGranahan, whose son goes to Fairview, said she thinks the district should look at doing away with the color-guard rifles altogether, especially considering today’s climate.

      “It was scary, and I’m still shaken,” McGranahan said. “It wasn’t the sort of thing where you can say, ‘Oh, calm down, it’s probably nothing.’ Because the reality is that there are school shootings that happen with regularity in this country, so it has to be taken seriously.”


      1. Yeah, you react that way… but go talk to a mom. They are absolutely convinced that this is the most important threat in the world. I’m chaperoning an elementary school field trip as we speak, and one of the moms and the teacher got into the discussion last night… they are all in. ALL IN on the gun control panic. The kids who are speaking out are heroes. Anyone who dares to argue with them is not just wrong, but a monster who unfairly attacks these wonderful children…

        They are all-in. They feel under threat. So they know that the threat is real and constant and something must be done. And they aren’t scared of relatives with handguns. Only assault weapons that are only used to shoot schools.

        I tried coming sideways at the “this is so rare that it really shouldn’t be at the top of the list” sort of angle….

        Yeah. Don’t go there. It is kinda like being a holocaust denier at Shabbat.

        1. So just quote the second amendment, and maybe they will have a heart attack – – – – – – – – –

        2. I was at a Seder/ Shabbat Friday night; good allegory.

          No doubt they are all in on this, and school shooters in their minds are the number one threat that only the stupid, crazy or hateful would deny.

          Which is why any of us who own or just believe in that particular freedom has to get off our assess and actually do some things:

          1. Join NRA or other organization more to your liking [2nd Amendment Foundation, NAGR, GOA] or up your membership.

          2. Write your congress critters. They may not share your views, but amazingly I always get a response when I do. If no one writes they figure no one cares enough.

          3. Get involved as a volunteer in someone’s campaign who respects these rights. In my State we have a long shot outsider seeking to overthrow a do nothing but follow the lead Democratic Senator; even if the guy does not win it’s worth making an effort vs. doing jack shit.

          Or, you can just sit back, put on your best ever snark, and post comments as to how stupid and native all of the above is.

          1. analogy, not allegory. blame auto correct

        3. This is why passing the 19th Amendment was a bad idea.

  2. …and resulted in some students stranded in the school’s hallways as classroom doors were locked.

    No child left behind.

    1. If nothing else comes out of this stupid story, maybe the school will realize that locking kids in the hallways with an active shooter is akin to making them imps in a Doom level.

      On a somewhat related note… It’s time for common sense BFG-9000 control. How many imps have to die before we make this happen?

      1. Fuckin’ ALL of them, man.

  3. The student told police he usually carries the rifle in a bag, but said his bag was full of flags, forcing him to carry the rifle in his hands.

    An American goddamn hero, and he’s being persecuted. It’s literally the plot to First Blood.

  4. “We’re trying to get used to this new life where kids are cowering in their classrooms.”

    You do you, Millennials.

    1. 100 / lit AF

    2. “”where kids are cowering in their classrooms””

      Classrooms, home, restaurants, playgrounds, you name it, kids are cowering there.

  5. “Most drills don’t take into account what might happen during arrival or if the school is in lockout then moves to lockdown,” Barber said. “The protocol is correct, what we need to work on is students practicing that. For instance, in this case, a student self-evacuating out of the hall and out of the school.

    “We’re going to be looking very closely at this and learning.”

    So I guess we’re just going to ignore the fact that, while one of the now very common school shootings is taking place, there could be a pedophile clown or clowns lurking in the woods behind the school?

    1. Don’t worry. I’m sure the official and unofficial/soccer mom pants-shitters are already gearing up to take on the immense pedophile clown threat with common sense costume control.

      Outside of a active, licensed circus performers, nobody needs oversized shoes or a large rubber nose.

      1. “common sense costume control”

        Done, and done. Well the control part anyway. Common sense is certainly questionable.

  6. Don’t neglect to follow the link in the article to the previous lockdown/lockup/lockout/lockin caused by a pressure washer. Cities are gonna need lots more cops to investigate every object that frightens us in this home of the brave.

    1. Something that is missing from this article that usually follows is commentary on just how irresponsible and it was to get everyone so worked doing something perfectly innocuous.

      I’m sure that in this case they will be moving to remove all traces of militarism from schools by dropping the drill team. But in other cases they come after the perp. who caused the panic. The guy dressed as a clown on his way to a birthday party, or the frat boys dressed in togas that illicit a panicked response from the police…. they usually end up in front of an overly-self-important prosecutor who attempts to make an example so that people know never to do such an irresponsible thing again.

    2. That’s just hilarious. Next comes common sense walking cane control, I suppose.

      1. Gunbarrel? Really? Isn’t that name a hate crime all by itself?

      2. Middleton said the pressure washers could be mistaken for a long gun, but she said this is the first time anything like this has happened.

        “I feel really bad that somebody was frightened,” she said. “But in light of everything, I guess the upside is that people are aware. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”

        It’s better to be safe than sorry? Does no one remember the story of the boy who cried wolf anymore?

      3. Even if it was a gun instead of a pressure washer so fucking what? Every time you see a gun all area schools should go into lockdown and the police mobilized? Guns are legal!

  7. I would gladly give up color guard dummy rifles if we could get our gun-shaped pop tarts back.

    1. Zero tolerance means ZERO tolerance, Tom…

  8. These things would never happen if we banned schools. If it saves one child’s life…

    1. Minor correction: If we banned public schools.

  9. Ironic that we’ve got our military operating in several countries right now, flyovers at football games, billions in additional defense budgets, fetishization of the military and unbounded praise for anyone in uniform, etc. Yet we go apeshit when we see fake guns used for decades by by a high school color guard.

    1. See the strafing of Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School in NJ by an F16.

      1. What idiot loaded live rounds in the F16 for a training mission that close to a populated area?

        There’s an Air Force target range in Wisconsin, but the area behind the range targets is miles of state, county and national forests and wild life preserves.

  10. Perceived danger is real danger, even if it isn’t real danger.

    1. That’s law enforcement’s argument

  11. “Lock down.”
    Back when I was a sprout, we use to joke about public schools being like prisons.
    It isn’t funny, anymore.

    And even on a purely cold-blooded pragmatic level, I’d like to see some open discussion – and criticism – of “lock down” as a purported life-saving response to someone running amok in a school. As opposed to say, evacuation. I can just see a spree-killer using “lock down” to rack up a big body-count: Show up with a gun (or a fake gun) to trigger “lock down” and then set the school on fire. And I can just see the teachers and other authorities helping the killer along, by forcing the kids to stay and roast to death because the school is on “lock down” and evacuation to escape the fire is verboten.

  12. 1. Make the draft sex and gender neutral. (I had to come back and add gender because I am in a bad mood)
    2. Draft everybody between 12 an 65.
    3. Run the new draftees through a special two week program that only teaches the actual form and function of small arms.
    4. Require them to actually fire 25 rounds with a pistol, and 25 rounds with a rifle.
    5. Give them a special new type of discharge that does not grant veterans benefits.
    6. Reset the gun control arguments; at least we will know they are lying, not ignorant.

    1. Do people with an actual DD-214 get a pass on this? Or do we become the instructors?

      1. We emigrate. Why pay 50 plus percent in taxes to be ordered about when the Christian fundamentalists will do it for free?

  13. Was it an assault dummy rifle? You know, with a bayonet lug thingy.

    1. “”Was it an assault dummy rifle?””

      The Fred Sanford model?

      1. LOL the “Lamont Rifle”.

        1. Awesome.

  14. Right, the way required is clear.
    Ban dummy rifles.
    Therefore ban color guards.
    Therefore ban colors, since they cannot be guarded anymore.
    Therefore ban sporting events because you have to have the National Anthem, and no longer have the colors.
    Therefore ban the constitution because you no longer have a country.
    Then with the constitution gone, we can again keep and bear arms.

  15. Hire Williamson at Reason. He is a libertarian, he writes well, and he would make for some interesting back and forth with your mainly left-libertarian writing staff.

    Can you afford him?

    1. What’s he making now?

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