Military

Let's Go Ahead and Have a Military Parade in Washington, but Declare Victory in the War on Terror First

Trump wants to outdo the Bastille Day festivities in Paris.

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Everett Collection/Newscom

Donald Trump's longstanding desire for a military parade in D.C. has turned into a presidential directive, according to a report in The Washington Post.

That led to the usual back-on-forth in the punditocracy. Liberals got a bit of collective amnesia about America's storied history of jingoism, claiming that a military parade doesn't reflect American values. In fact, like it or not, many presidents have found comfort in wrapping themselves in the flag and hiding behind service members and veterans.

Trump supporters, and even some conservatives who don't support Trump, lauded the idea. National Review's David French—the guy Bill Kristol once touted as a potential third-party candidate in 2016—said he was "fine" with a military parade because of the things he says the military has done since 9/11, like toppling the Taliban and Saddam Hussein and defeating the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria. He didn't note that American troops remain in Afghanistan more than 16 years after toppling the Taliban, and that they're also present in Hussein's old Iraqi stomping grounds and in Syria.

Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.) may have had the most relevant take:

Reason's own Jesse Walker made a similar suggestion earlier in the day:

Trump's desire for a military parade is certainly on-brand. He's spoken highly of France's traditional Bastille Day Military Parade ever since being invited as President Emmanuel Macron's guest last year, and he made a big deal during his presidential campaign of saving a veterans' parade in New York in 1995.

At the same time, Trump has sometimes flirted with understanding that U.S. foreign policy is dangerously interventionist. A military parade would be a small price to pay for declaring victory and ending the war on terror, if someone could convince the president to link the two. It would certainly be an ego-booster.

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  1. I’m all for a military parade! Imagine the entertainment we’ll have watching the cosmos and shitlibs going apoplectic and screaming “FAAAASCIST!!”.

    I’ll bet the whole reason Trump is having it is because he knows it’ll get under the skin of enlightened wieners everywhere. And he’s sure off to a grand start!

    Go Trump!

    1. Dick Puller also wants to lynch some blacks, because it would be so entertaining to see the liberals flip out over it.

      1. Dude, thank you for this, you are the gift that keeps on giving. You’re so fucking unhinged that you’ll contort your few last brain cells ’till you can arrive at “Military Parades are the same as lynching Negroes and Trump and his supporters are doing it all to piss us off!”

        1. Someone doesn’t understand that a basic tool in the humor kit is reductio ad absurdum.

          1. Well, you got me. Because that is something I would actually expect some of my left-wing coworkers to say.

            1. Precisely how angry do you get when some left-wingers are impolite enough to mention right-wing bigotry and backwardness?

              (I won’t even ask about their comments about conservatives in unconvincing libertarian drag.)

              1. Hey now, don’t get all uppity ’round here, you might get lynched for runnin’ your mouth!

                Either that, or let’s just pretend that leftist have NEVER been super racist or bigoted… Even though they usually always have, and in fact still are in the US what with their keeping black people controlled through government programs…

    2. Just another easy way to entice the lefties into having a complete meltdown, putting on display how unhinged they really are.

      1. Are you proud of the fact that your politics has become an empty ball of grievance, consisting only of giving libtards wedgies and giggling about it?

        1. Giggity!

        2. The wingnuts have been losing, nearly across the board, in America throughout my lifetime. After a half-century or more of setbacks for rural communities, bigotry, superstition, backwardness, ignorance, anti-abortion zealots, dogma, and white advantage, most of what these goobers have left is to mutter bitterly about the “good old days,” provoke dustups with their betters, and whine about being persecuted.

          1. So, was the whining about persecution before or after they were told that you’re their better?

    3. Troll Whistle Politics

      Trump says and does things that the majority like but turn the Left into raving loons, discrediting them with the majority.

      Majority: Isn’t it nice to show the military respect and appreciation with a parade? Why haven’t we been doing that more often? It’s about time!
      Leftists: Hitler! Totalitarianism!
      Majority: What the hell is wrong with the Left? Why do they hate the military?

    4. Start earning $90/hourly for working online from your home for few hours each day… Get regular payment on a weekly basis… All you need is a computer, internet connection and a litte free time…

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  2. A fly-by with various drone models would be cool.

    1. The nice thing about that is it can be very cheap, since you can’t see the drones anyway.
      Just say they were there, and it will be so.

    2. I was really surprised how big they’re making them now. The bombers are MASSIVE.

  3. Trump has sometimes flirted with understanding

    More fake news. Trump has actually gotten to first base with understanding, but he tried to grab it by the pussy and understanding suddenly got a headache and told Trump to go home. Understanding never saw him again, but Trump did call several news outlets out of the blue to tell them how much understanding wanted him.

  4. What is the point of a military parade? Who are we showing off to? You really think this is going to make more of an impression on the Taliban than, say, dropping 24 precision-guided munitions on their hidey-holes? You really think Kim Jong-Un cares one whit about any of this when he knows we’ll never do anything preemptive? I guess this is just for the Muricans out there who are nostalgic for the Cold War, or maybe are longing for another World War.

    1. Try thinking about it like you were an unreflective mook motivated primarily by a massive inferiority complex, then it will all make sense.

      1. That’s going to be really hard for me. Where are the local trolls when you need them?

        1. Top entry on this fine article.

    2. What is the point of a military parade?

      1) Much of Trump’s base is very pro-military. He’s pandering to them.
      2) Trump’s opposition will go full TDS and declare that military parades are evil and proof that Trump is Hitler.
      3) #2 will fire up Trump’s base even more and simultaneously push the center slightly rightward as the left openly screeches that holding a parade in honor of active duty military is evil.

      1. Trump plays this tactic all the time, and the Left just can’t stop beclowning themselves.

        So much winning!

    3. The point, of course, is inflaming people’s prejudices and egging on the pointless, endless culture war. Trump holds big unnecessary jingoistic parade, people flock by the thousands to protest, Trump gets to sit on a tank or whatever, point and say, “Look at these people who hate America so much they come out to protest our brave heroes!” and lap up the adulation of his personality cultists.

  5. Apparently, the Frenchies inspired him when he saw their Bastille Day parade, and of course Putin has them too.
    IMO, this is the most retarded thing Trump plans to do. If you’ve got a “big package” you don’t need to flaunt it.

    1. You should be speaking metaphorically, except this particular president actually bragged about his actual dick size during a presidential debate.

  6. Also declare that we won the war on poverty, and the war on drugs.
    Three parades for the price of one, and two BIG programs to stop funding.

  7. This is dumb. Even if he’s just trolling. Countries do this when they are not winning.

    1. It’s just distasteful. Defense is a fine and valid thing, but being warlike is great immorality.

      1. Walk softly and carry a big stick, right?

        1. What’s the point of having a big stick if you can’t get it out in public while some dude plays a tuba?

          1. What a specific euphemism.

          2. And yes, this is an accurate description of part of my honeymoon.

          3. Or a rusty trombone

        2. If you carry a big stick, walking in a soft state is your only option.

        3. To quote Yosimete Sam “WELL I SPEAK LOUD, AND I CARRY A BIGGER STICK!”

    2. Nonsense. This is common across the world. Everyone love a parade. And parfait.

      1. You know what else is common across the world…?

        1. Lightly fried fish fillets?

          1. ^othering Saharan and Gobi desert inhabitants.

      2. We already have Fourth of July parades. Never mind Macy’s Thanksgiving, the Rose Bowl, Martin Luther King, Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo, how many parades do we have to have?

  8. Of course the most expensive part of this is going to be training gorillas to drive the tanks.

  9. Watching footage of the last such parade under Poppy Bush reminds one how bleatingly patriotic that era was. I was in grade school, and I have solid memories of being totally united in support of our glorious, righteous war. Man did they wag the crap out of that dog.

    I suppose we can thank Bush the Lesser for turning us all into war skeptics. An expensive silver lining, but one nonetheless.

    1. I actually agree with you Tony! Who woulda thunk?

  10. You know who else wanted to outdo the Bastille Day celebrations in France?

    1. It’s Hitler isn’t it.

          1. Think a little more… terrestrial.

            1. Obama?

              1. sigh

                Think a little more…

                …19-ton truck.

                1. Pierre Laval and Philippe P?tain?

  11. What a wonderful way to troll the extremist left.

    And since a big chunk of my large annual tax payment goes to the military, i am quite happy to enjoy seeing a parade to show off what i paid for. Especially since theyve closed down the aberdeen armor exhibits to the public.
    Just leave off the ICBMs…thats too norky.

  12. Skip the parade, concentrate on lighting a blowtorch under the VA’s collective ass to actually treat vets less shitty instead.

    A large number of “yer fired!” notices are needed.

    1. Those who refused to pee in a Dixie cup got fired when Nancy Reagan was Drug Czarina. All the VA has left are gutless appeasers…

  13. Add to the list of ‘Victories.’

    1. Poverty
    2. Drugs

    Then we can have a parade, and send the rest of DC home.

  14. In the earlier interview with Reason Adams explained how Trump is actually some kind of master linguist. When he keeps on saying things like “Crooked Hillary”, “Little Marco Rubio” or “Fat Rosie” they leave on impression on the minds of the audience.

    If he’s true, then Trump would be the first subliminal message president.

    1. That type of messaging works on gullible, superstitious, half-educated, disaffected, rural goobers.

      Not so much on educated, marketably skilled, reason- and science-based, tolerant residents of modern, successful communities.

      1. …said the early-20th-century white guy.

        Never occurs to you that the “tolerance” you show black people rural white people might actually be the cause of their “half-education and disaffection”, does it?

        But please, don’t let me distract you from your advocacy of weedkiller bans, non-GMO foods, Peak Oil, ethanol mandates, trigger warnings, and all the other reason- and science-based things you spend your time musing about with your friends at Starbucks.

    2. I’ve read my fair share of business/sales/people skills books, but my father has read 100x as many. Heck we’ve both even read some of Trump’s books!

      When Trump first started running, my dad and I kept pointing out him using techniques taught in such books. Trump has either studied a lot more than people give him credit for (I’ve heard two sides to the “he never reads books” debate, some say he DOES read) or he is a gifted natural in these areas.

      Either way he DOES in fact bust out many skills that MOST people have to spend years, or even decades learning. Some people are super against everything he stands for, so they don’t work on them, but obviously people that like his actual policy positions, or were perhaps neutral, totally bought in and elected him. I’ve never been a fan of the type of persona he portrays, but lots of people are. And I do LOVE some parts of his bluster, I just wish he had more policy wonk knowledge to back it up. Ron Paul/Trump love baby would be baller yo.

  15. If this is the worst way that Trump misuses the military then we can all be happy.

  16. Instead of Trump trying to show that he has bigger military parades than his rival Kim Jong-il, I suggest he save us the $26 million cost and simply have a public measurement of their respective private parts to see once and for all who has the biggest penis. I’m betting on Kim.

  17. I see what you mean… Jesse `s postlng is neat… on monday I bought a top of the range Jaguar E-type after I been earnin $7477 this-last/4 weeks and-even more than, 10-k last-munth . no-doubt about it, this really is the most comfortable job Ive had . I started this seven months/ago and right away was making more than $73 per-hr . go right here

    +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+ http://www.homework5.com

  18. Jesse has some really good ideas. Looking back on this Afghanistan bidness, when Reagan and Bush wrecked the US, Colombian, Ecuadorian, Brazilian and Nicaraguan economies to stop the Soviets from benefiting from cocaine prohibition violations, the commies went after a stake in much more poisonous–even addictive–opiates in Afghanistan. Someone evidently realized that adding HIV viruses to smack could cause epidemics in Moscow and Washington both, even if the Allah’s berserkers used stinger missiles to deport the Rooskies. Holy War Bush soon starts meddling in enternecine Ottoman strife, and nest thing you know we have no more World Trade Center. Keeping Rush Limbaugh & audience stoned and Big Pharma flush are not worth a single American getting winged in Afghanistan. But thanks to Republican prohibitionism and Beauregard, those are the nation’s priorities.

    1. Ahistorical just-so stories, or schizophrenic babble? Embrace the power of and!

  19. Watching SJW’s lie down in front of tanks will be worth whatever a parade might cost.

    1. OMG, that would be amazing… I hope they “accidentally” don’t see them and turn them into SJW jelly.

  20. If they end up doing this on some national holiday, which is the general idea, I’m not too opposed. The 100th anniversary for WWI is coming up, so they were talking about that. I think that would be kinda cool.

    But I totally get the militarism is bad thing too. I think it’s fine to show off our badassery, so long as we’re not actually starting pointless wars for realz.

    ALL THAT SAID, I do LOVE that it is making prog assholes twitch. Even if Trump ends the world somehow, it will probably have been worth it just to watch the leftists freak out so hard. I’ve been watching the world go slowly to hell my entire life, and it’s STILL mostly going to hell… But Trump is the first time in my life where a conservative/libertarian type has ever had the balls to challenge the left openly and unabashedly. And they CAN’T FUCKING STAND IT. I love it. For that I will always be eternally grateful to our God Emperor Trump.

  21. Hard to declare victory when groups are still trying to kill you, and blow up your country.

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