'Nigerian Prince' Arrested in Louisiana, Orrin Hatch Retires, and 'Monster Storm' Threatens East Coast: P.M. Links

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  • MIKE THEILER/UPI/Newscom

    "Nigerian prince" arrested in Louisiana.

  • Utah Senator Orrin Hatch is retiring, paving the way for a possible Mitt Romney Senate run.
  • Air Traffic Control reform advocate Rep. Bill Schuster (R-Penn.) is retiring from Congress.
  • Israel threatens African migrants with deportation or imprisonment.
  • "Monster storm" prepares to hit East Coast.

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  1. “Nigerian prince” arrested in Louisiana.

    WHERE MY MONEY AT?

    1. He already spent it! On disguises!

    2. Hello.

      Hey, that guy told me there was money waiting for me at the bank!

    3. RIP, Nigel Saladu.

      1. +1 New Cup

    4. And if you wire him the bail money, he will reward you handsomely.

      1. I’m not falling for that a fourth time.

  2. Utah Senator Orrin Hatch is retiring…

    Looks like someone finally found the exit… hatch.

    1. Whose Senator do ya figger is worse….

      Your’n, or Orrin?

      1. I hope Hatch proceeds to spend more time on Twitter in his retirement. The dude’s hilarious online.

  3. Air Traffic Control reform advocate Rep. Bill Schuster (R ? Penn.) is retiring from Congress.

    Looks like someone… is cleared for departure.

    1. needz moar sunglasses

    2. Your joke didn’t land well.

  4. There is something unsettling about that photo.

    1. I think the perspective makes it sort of look like McConnell is actually behind the guy, but he still looks large because he’s actually closer. So it looks like a giant Ohioan head is just floating there, judging.

      1. giant Ohioan head

        Nice band name; but perhaps too similar to Eddie From Ohio.

        1. Separated at birth?

    2. There’s no angel on his other shoulder.

  5. “Nigerian prince” arrested in Louisiana.

    So, this is what it’s like when Nigerian Doves Cry.

    1. His Purple Reign is over.

    2. 19 years too late.

  6. Israel threatens African migrants with deportation or imprisonment.

    This headline uses words just loaded enough to be plausible!

    1. The article doesn’t tell me if the people are part of the Beta Israelites. Because if they are Israel needs to man the fuck up.

  7. “Monster storm” prepares to hit East Coast.

    THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR VOTING TRUMP.

    1. I’m glad that the classic bastion of Conservatism, the North-East, will finally get wrecked. Hopefully Allentown just floats out into the sea.

      1. And I chose Allentown arbitrarily, if that’s the part of PA you live in then it is pure coincidence.

        1. i figured it was a Billy Joel reference…

      2. Hey, if twisters in Kansas is God’s punishment for gay marriage in California, then why the fuck not?

        1. Haha, what a disgusting conception of God those people have.

          1. + 8 December

          2. I wouldn’t say “disgusting”. If for no other reason then it’s not helpful.

            That said, God sure does seem lazy. His punishments (hurricanes, twisters, polar vortexes, forest fires, earthquakes, etc.) always seem to strike places that are already prone to them. You want us to think “this is a sign from God”, then send a fucking Hurricane to LA or a twister in downtown NYC or a polar vortex in Houston. But just sending slightly worse versions of common natural disasters to places already prone to them? If that’s God’s work, he’s phoning it in.

            1. You just wait until the prophesies in Revelations come to pass. You’ll think “phoning it in” when “the angel has taken the censer, and he filled it from the fire of the altar and threw it to the earth. And there came thunders and voices and lightnings and an earthquake.” Wait…wut?

            2. I wouldn’t say “disgusting”. If for no other reason then it’s not helpful.

              Fair enough. I need to learn to modulate my casual speech better. I’m from the background that uses exaggerated adjectives too freely. Not good.

    2. The Paris Accords would have stopped this cold.

  8. “Monster storm” prepares to hit East Coast.

    CONTEST! What will the storm be named?

    Ima say “Britney”.

    1. Leave Britney alone!

      1. “Britney Spears East Coast”

        1. Ke$ha krushes koast.

          1. Get a room.

            Both of you.

  9. Michael Neu, 67, faces 269 counts of wire fraud and money laundering

    in addition to the hate crime of cultural appropriation.

  10. Utah Senator Orrin Hatch is retiring, paving the way for a possible Mitt Romney Senate run.

    Hey! It also paves the way for a Hillary Clinton run!

    1. Utah was always her true home, it is known.

      1. *And* she is half-Mormon.

        1. I don’t want to know what the other half is.

          1. Jewish, DUH!

        2. You misspelled “moron.”

          1. Then he also misspelled “complete”.

            1. That would sound weird with a racial identity. “I am a complete Black”

              1. That just means uncircumcised.

              2. For fear of turning a silly conversation serious…

                It’s just the corollary of the “one drop rule”. And white supremacists already do that when arguing about their “purity”.

                1. White man, white woman, white baby
                  Black man, black woman, black baby
                  White man, black woman, black baby
                  Black man, white woman, black baby

                  More white supremacists should listen to Public Enemy, it would clear things up.

  11. “Israel threatens African migrants with deportation or imprisonment.”

    By “African migrants”, do you mean illegal immigrants?

    Do I even have to look?

    1. They might mean Egyptians.

      1. You can tell by how they walk.

    2. Maybe it’s Nigerian princes. Ever think of that? I didn’t think so.

    3. “The BBC uses the term migrant to refer to all people on the move who have yet to complete the legal process of claiming asylum.”

      1. Don’t the mention that some of them were denied asylum and stayed anyway? So what are they?

      2. Is that Reason’s policy, too?

        I looked.

        These people are apparently mostly from Sudan and Eritrea.

        Because the BBC doesn’t differentiate between illegal immigrants and refugees doesn’t mean Reason should follow their lead–and I think that headline is an excellent reason why they sholdn’t follow the BBC’s lead.

        “Israel threatens African migrants with deportation or imprisonment.”

        It makes it sound awful, doesn’t it?

        . . . unless they’re illegal immigrants, in which case violating visa requirements is a crime regardless of whether they’re from Africa or somewhere else, and deportation is the normal procedure.

        1. It’s annoying how much playing with language is being done to contort and confuse. I’m pretty open-borders, but I still think all this linguistic contortion only confuses the debate rather than allowing for actual discussion.

          1. What’s obfuscated by using the word migrant here?

            1. It’s the difference between legal and illegal.

              Do you imagine there is no difference between those things?

              Do you imagine there’s no difference between breaking the law and not breaking the law?

              Even if you’re one of these people who imagines that legislatures have no business making the rules on immigration, surely you realize that there are laws on immigration and deporting people by way of due process for breaking the law is fundamentally different from deporting people who haven’t broken any law.

              Do you imagine being thrown in prison for breaking the law is the same as being thrown in prison for not breaking any laws? If so, then I suppose there’s no difference between migrants and illegal aliens. And the next time you tell us that someone is deporting “migrants”, don’t be surprised if everyone thinks you’re crying wolf again. Call me when they’re deporting people who aren’t illegal immigrants for doing nothing wrong.

            2. It’s less that usage specially and more the continuous changes to the vernaculars used. So, kudos to them for defining it at the bottom. Because I feel like an obnoxious amount of this debate turns into chasing definitions.

        2. Feel free to offer your own distinction between “migrant” and “illegal immigrant,” and why hailing from Sudan or Eritrea precludes one from being a refugee. A cookie if you can do it in under 3000 words.

          What’s the normal procedure for a refugee whose asylum status is denied?

          1. You think I’m making up the difference between illegal immigrant and refugees?

            The differences between them would be the same regardless of whether I recognized them.

            Looks to me as if these people have been denied asylum. Imprisoning and deporting illegal immigrants isn’t unusual or a breach of human rights or a breach of due process in Israel, the UK, the EU, or the United States. Oh, and whether the illegal immigrants are from Africa or Iceland doesn’t have anything to do with it far as I can tell.

            Papering over the fact that there are important, real, meaningful, and legal differences between illegal aliens and refugees isn’t being unbiased. And pointing out that the illegal aliens in question are “African” doubles down on the bias. What difference does it make that they’re African? They won’t use the term “illegal alien” because it’s biased, but they’ll point out that the people in question are Africans–as if there’s a an important difference between African illegal aliens and illegal aliens from elsewhere?

            Laughable language games make me laugh.

          2. From a Forbes editorial criticizing Trump’s travel ban:

            Israelis know better than most what it is like to be denied entry into so many nations in the world simply because of their religion or their nationality. Israelis are currently banned from entering seventeen countries while those holding a passport from other countries containing a stamp indicating they have visited Israel are banned from six countries.

            Open boarder advocates don’t complain about the travel ban imposed on Israelis. They apply their principles differently depending on the tribe.

          3. Another article criticizing Trump’s travel ban mentions that Sudan ban’s Israelis from entering Sudan. Reciprocity is a fair principle to follow.

            According to World Bank data, America, with a population of about 325 million hosts 272,898 refugees while Israel, with a population of about 8 million hosts 32,909 refugees. Proportionate to its population, Israel is already hosting more refugees than America does. Obviously, Israel has a process for accepting refugees.

  12. …paving the way for a possible Mitt Romney senate run.

    Binders full of elections.

    1. Binders of erections sounded more fun. Sort of.

  13. “Chef claims she spiked meal served to a ‘pious, judgmental’ vegan”
    […]
    “Wrote one person on the since-closed Facebook page: “This lady should be charged with assault. We are vegan for a reason. To disregard our wishes and boast about contaminating our food is at least a sackable offence.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/restaura…..467686.php

    The jokes write themselves.

    1. But that did not excuse Goodman’s comments, Gale said, which he blamed on overwork and alcohol

      , both vegan entities.

      1. I laugh at people who claim to be vegan but who drink beer. Won’t anyone think of the countless yeast organisms????

          1. Quiet, man, I’m on a roll.

            1. You need to grow the fuck up and realize you don’t need a reason to laugh at vegans.

              1. This. “I’m sick and hungry all the time because i think my moral code trumps 2 million years of evolutionary adaptations! Bloo blah bloo bloo!”

                1. I think their guilt tastes awesome. Especially when served medium rare. With butterered rolls. And shrimp.

          2. “that’s what SHE said!”

            1. You said it, man. Go get ya dick looked at by a medical professional.

              1. He can have anyone look at his dick that he wants.

                1. In former Nixon Administration, Dick looks at YOU!

          3. Fungi are actually a lot closer to animals than to plants in evolutionary terms. We just thinks of them the other way around. One has to consider where vegans draw their line.

    2. did she realize it was contaminated when it tasted better than usual?

    3. “a sackable offence.”

      She should be teebagged?

  14. Israel threatens African migrants with deportation or imprisonment.

    All those Sephardic Ethiopian restaurant owners finally got fed up with competition from the falasha, huh?

    1. I don’t think almost any of the words you used there are real.

  15. Re: The Nigerian Prince
    “Most people laugh at the thought of falling for such a fraud, but law enforcement officials report annual losses of millions of dollars to these schemes,” the Slidell police said in a statement.”

    More comedy gold.

    1. So, *that’s* why the police need asset forfeiture!

      1. The cops know that if you want to win you gotta play.

    2. Well at least they finally got him.

  16. “Polar Vortex” would be a great name for a band.
    https://www.facebook.com/polarvortexmusic/
    Aw crap, never mind.

    But it *would* be a great name for an album.
    https://swaaiboys.bandcamp.com/album/polar-vortex
    Dammit, I give up.

    1. Try “Cyclone Bomb”.

  17. Israel threatens African migrants with deportation or imprisonment.

    Is this before or after Mark Zuckerberg deletes their Facebook accounts?

  18. “Monster storm” prepares to hit East Coast.

    TRUMP! TRUMP!

    1. I keep forgetting there is something I care less about than the First Lady.

      1. I thought the first lady was his pet. Two birds, one stone.

  19. Any Utahans here with their finger on the pulse of the state re: Mitt Romney carpetbagging?

    1. You don’t have to wait for them to identify themselves, you can just go ahead and call them cousin fucking retards now.

      1. Presumably since they all have multiple wives, they slip in a few cousins.

          1. I have a soft spot in my heart for Mormons, actually. Now are you going to get all offended on my behalf given the many, many crass names I’ve been called here, including homophobic slurs?

            1. Sure. They’re dicks for mocking your sexuality, I don’t like name calling in any form, sexuality included. But you’re engaging in the same whataboutism you get so worked up about at this moment. You can’t control what they say, I can’t control what they say. But you can control what you say, and I can control what I say.

              1. They’re dicks for mocking your sexuality, I don’t like name calling in any form […]

                So is this just supposed to be ironic, or is calling them “dicks” not “name calling” for some reason?

                1. Nope, just colloquial speech on my part. You can replace it with rude if you would like. My issue with the name calling is that the mockery is unrelated to the thing discussed. I don’t feel bad calling out someone being rude in the context of discussing rudeness.

              2. Yeah yeah, what’d I say, all right
                Well, tell me what’d I say, yeah
                Tell me what’d I say right now
                Tell me what’d I say
                Tell me what’d I say right now
                Tell me what’d I say
                Tell me what’d I say yeah

              3. But I don’t have a problem with crass language or name calling. Being called a faggot doesn’t bother me. I have a potty mouth. But I’m not even as salty as an episode of Veep (where I got the cousinfucking thing from, and I still think it’s funny). Probably 50% of the reason I spend time here is because they don’t censor curse words. For some curious reason other blogs seem to be afraid a 5 year-old might wander in to read about the politics of the day.

                1. Tony, you would watch Veep.

                  If only Hillary had become president like Elaine.

                  Happy New Year goat fucker!

                2. I dislike name-calling when in the form of an actual discussion. I have no issue with fucking around, I’m responsible for like 10% of the fucking around in any given thread. But I think all this calling people faggots, progs, fascists, libs, leftists, nazis, etc… take away from actual discussion.

    2. Not from Utah, but from what I see on Deseret, they seem vaguely supportive.

      That said, it’ll be whoever wins the Republican primary.

      1. Romney also gets a lot of support in Utah for being the guy who came in and took over the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City at the last minute and effectively saved the games.

    3. According to his Wikipedia page (yeah, I know) Romney and his wife moved to Utah – specifically Park City – after the 2012 election and have been living and voting there since that time. So it really wouldn’t be carpetbagging………

      1. Carpetbagger describes northerners who were feared would move into a defeated area, loot the area and side with Democrats.

        Romney’s a northerner who moved to Utah after siding with Democrats and after Utah’s Evan McMullin lost big in the 2016 election.

        1. I’m 60 years old and was born and raised in a state in the Old South, so I know damn well the origin of the term “carpetbagger”. And, no, the original carpetbaggers didn’t side with the Democrats. They actually did, uh, the opposite of that.

          As to Romney siding with the Democrats – he just didn’t like Trump. That’s a feature, not a bug.

          1. The stereotype was that when they came South all their possessions would fit in a carpetbag…not so much when they left.

            In fact, ambitious Americans migrated all the time from one state to another and took up political careers, opponents made it sound like a uniquely sinister thing for postwar Republicans moving South.

      2. Well anyway, it turns out he’s the most popular human being in the known universe to Utahns.

  20. Utah Senator Orrin Hatch is retiring, paving the way for a possible Mitt Romney Senate run.

    The stage was now set for the Alan Parsons Project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft.

    1. North Carolina’s driver’s handbook will give instructions on how to deal with police during a traffic stop. The new law comes after people have died during traffic stops. The state law requires advice including what actions that drivers should take, to be included to the driver’s handbook

      I don’t want to sound like I’m some anti-government whackjob or something, but I think they are focusing on the wrong half of those murders.

      1. I’m assuming “Don’t be African-American” is the first bit of advice…

        1. Actually, the first bit of advice should be don’t get pulled over.

          1. Running from the cops just gets their chase instincts fired up, and then you’re pretty much guaranteed to be gunned down.

        2. Have you seen the videos of non-African-Americans and their less-than-optimal encounters with police?

          1. Oh yes. Anyone can fall victim to the police, I’m not arguing that. It’s just that as an overweight, middle-class, middle-aged white guy in a newish, 4-door sedan, when the cherries and berries flash on in my rear-view, I just sigh, pull over, give the nice ossifer my license and registration, xe hands me my bill and I drive away.
            I’m merely guessing people of different ethnicities and incomes may have different experiences.

      2. I also like the phrase “…have died during traffic stops.” Did these deaths involve highly-trained and heroic public servants, loud noises, and small bits of metal flying through the air? Or did the drivers trip while getting out of their cars and break their necks? It’s all very vague.

        1. “Procedures were followed”

          “Weapons discharged”

          “Passive voice was was used”

          1. Damn, two “was”es means it’s a particularly passive voice.

            1. It all depends on what the meaning of “was”, was.

  21. Forty effing words in my New Year Links.
    And STILL no goddamn Alt-Text.

    Damn you, Britches.

    Damn you to Hell.

  22. Never give out personal information over the phone, through e-mail, cash checks for other individuals, or wire large amounts of money to someone you don’t know. 99.9 percent of the time, it’s a scam.

    Does this mean that 1 out of every 1000 cases, one actually gets $2.95 million deposited into her account?

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