How Does He Know If You've Been Bad or Good?

This was supposedly written for and sung at a US Department of Justice, Office of Legal Counsel Christmas party during the Carter administration -- please let me know if you have more precise attribution.

|The Volokh Conspiracy |

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So–you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

NEXT: The Trump Administration and the United Nations – A Good News Story

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  1. These days they just include him in the NSA’s VPN, and he’s good; No point in both of them doing all the work.

  2. The sentiment expertly put to music.

    The season put to music. (Ditch the first minute but enjoy the tempo adjustments)

    From the Winterland.

    Merry Christmas!

  3. Ever wonder what Santa is doing the other 11 months of the year?

    He knows where all the naughty girls live. 🙂

    1. “In a tearful press conference, Santa announced that he was resigning as CEO of Claus Enterprises. The credit for exposing the bearded pervert goes to Rudolph, head of security, who is able to sniff out wrongdoing. Rudolph will take the reins of Claus Enterprises, but he assures all of the other reindeer not to fear retaliation, because Rudolph never kept track of who called him names. Asked if he would consult Santa’s list now that he had access, Rudolph called off the press conference and referred all questions to the Armour Venison Company.”

  4. That’s not Santa Claus! (Though I’ll admit the rhyme doesn’t scan as well if “Jeff Sessions” is substituted.)

  5. I believe the definitive account of this kind is Ray Stevens’ “Santa Claus Is Watching You”…

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