Ohio Supreme Court Justice Brags on Facebook About Having Sex With 'Very Attractive Females'; The Nazis Loved Decaf; California Unveils New Pot Regulations: P.M. Links

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  • pipeline
    Raymona Pooler/Dreamstime

    The Keystone pipeline leaked, spilling 5,000 barrels of oil near the small South Dakota town of Amherst.

  • White House Legislative Director Marc Short assures the nation that there is no hypocrisy involved in President Donald Trump's condemnation of Al Franken for groping a woman.
  • Add to the long list of Nazi atrocities their advocacy of decaf coffee.
  • Ohio Supreme Court Justice and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill O'Neil has decided to get out in front of any sexual assault allegations by saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 "very attractive females."
  • California has announced emergency regulations for its recreational marijuana market.

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    1. Hello.

      “The Keystone pipeline leaked, spilling 5,000 gallons of oil near the small South Dakota town of Amherst.”

      Good grief.

      /face palm.

      Now out come the pant shitters.

      1. Yesterday it was 210k gallons. I documented my skepticism in one of yesterday’s threads.

        *sits and feels smugly vindicated*

        1. Brit got the units wrong. 5000 barrels.

          1. 5K? Is that actually newsworthy?

            1. Yeah – if it’s 5,000 barrels rather than 5,000 gallons, that would be one of the biggest land spills ever.

              1. Which is unfortunate, because pipelines are still the safest way to transport oil. I suspect that won’t make into much of the coverage, however.

                1. This is what happens when you let Canadians build the pipeline instead of hardworking honest Mexicans.

                  1. And some Canadians, I assume, are good people.

                  2. 5000 Gallons vs. 5000 Barrels

                    No, this is what happens when you let fucktards like Britches do the links …

                2. pipelines are still the safest way to transport oil. I suspect that won’t make into much of the coverage

                  Yeah funny that. Hard to sell ‘generic pipelines are safe’ in the middle of a big pipeline spill – the third this year in South Dakota.

              2. Oh, I misread that as 5,000 gallons.

                1. Well, you correctly read Christian’s misquote.

                  1. I correctly was misinformed.

                  2. 10 Bucks and a Leather Jacket says he doesn’t bother fixing it.

                    Schlackfurt would.

                  3. I’m surprised they didn’t change it. I can understand not wanting to read the commentariat but at least have the dignity to edit the errors.

                2. Oh, I misread that as 5,000 gallons.

                  No, you read it correctly.

                  Your mistake was reading something Britches wrote.

      2. By pant shitters you mean people who were obviously correctly concerned about the environmental problems presented by more oil pipeline?

        1. Everyone knows that it is safer to transport by train.

          1. No, that has a tendency to cause towns to explode.

            But at least we’re protecting the birds from windmills.

            1. So – are you under the impression that if not for power plants, we wouldn’t need oil? Is that your argument?

              1. We need oil for lots of things we’re not going to have anymore if we keep needlessly and recklessly burning it for energy.

                1. So then, wouldn’t pipelines be a preferable way to transport that oil as opposed to trains?

                  1. They’re both problematic. Pipe spills a lot more oil but kills fewer people.

                    1. So, in other words, in your opening comment you are, once again, just being an asshole for no reason?

                    2. In an “I told you so” kind of way, perhaps.

                    3. Your “I told you so” is that someday, somewhere a pipeline would leak? What’s your point? Are you arguing that pipelines are more dangerous than other methods? That we just shouldn’t transport oil anymore?

                      If I say “the sun will rise tomorrow” do I get to come back do a “hah-had I told you so” when it does?

                    4. I slept 3 hours last night. What do you want from me? The implication was that anyone concerned about oil spills is a hysteric. And oh no, a shit ton of oil just spilled, here comes the people concerned about oil spills!

                    5. I really don’t care how much you slept last night. My mother always told me if you can’t open your mouth without being an asshole, don’t open your mouth.

                      How do you know that the implication wasn’t “here comes the people who shit their pants about oil pipelines because they don’t understand that oil pipelines are the safest way to distribute oil?”

                      Because you don’t actually care what people mean – you just want to be an asshole to someone, and you’ll ascribe wrongthink literally to the first person you come across in order to feel justified doing it.

                      You’re not justified. You’re just being an asshole.

                    6. At least I don’t advocate for the active destruction of the biosphere of planet earth.

                    7. *ahem*

                      Windmills and solar farms destroy the biosphere of planet Earth. Just sayin’.

                    8. Windmills and solar farms destroy the biosphere of planet Earth. Just sayin’.

                      Yeah, well you’re just an oil company shill.

                    9. No they don’t!

                    10. Me: What’s aggravating about you is your persistently ascribing positions to people that they don’t actually hold and then condemning them in the most hyperbolic terms for things they never actually said.

                      You: At least I don’t advocate for the active destruction of the biosphere of planet earth.

                    11. It seems that you’re figuring out that there is at least a remote possibility that Tony is the best satirist alive.

                    12. It seems that you’re figuring out that there is at least a remote possibility that Tony is the best satirist alive.

                      I have considered this, and admit that I find the idea intriguing.

                    13. The odd’s of him being able to get things exactly 180 degree’s wrong so often seems unlikely, but maybe he’s just lucky.

                    14. I have a personal rule not to permit stupidity to be a defense against an accusation of will to destroy the earth.

                      If you aren’t on board with radical de-carbonization of global energy production, you’re for killing everything. If you object to that characterization, remind yourself of my first sentence.

                2. Citation, please, for your claim that we’re not going to have any more if we “keep needlessly and recklessly burning it for energy.” Tell me, what are the known reserves and resources as of now?

                  1. Like a lot of modern “environmentalists,” he’s conflating “climate change” talking points with “peak oil” talking points, because he’s fuzzy on the difference.

                    This is, for example, why the Bill Nye exhibit at our local nature center mentions bio-diesel as a strategy for fighting climate change, but not nuclear. Because if you’re burning vegetable oil that’s better than burning gasoline, somehow.

                    1. Are you suggesting that climate change and peak oil cannot coexist? No–that would be a hyperbolic distortion of your view, I suppose.

                      Do you believe in anything other than continuing to use oil for energy production at whatever rate the oil companies see fir for them? If not, which restrictions on them do you advocate for?

                    2. I, for one, would never support a system in which oil companies decided the rate of use for oil in energy production. How fortunate, then, that we have never had such a system, and instead, in line with genuine free market principles, give such decisions over to the people who actually depend upon the energy in question for their survival or prosperity: the consumers.

                      When or if non-carbon fuel sources are up to the task of affordably replacing oil without sending us back to the 18th century (good luck achieving affordable healthcare when 95% of the population is busy growing potatoes), people will voluntarily choose to use them as our oil supply inevitably starts to run out, and oil prices go up, sometime this century. And if non-carbon sources aren’t up that task, you have no right to impose a medieval lifestyle upon the world in hopes of averting a somewhat less inhospitable Canada and Sweden- and if you think that anybody but the poorest among us will suffer the worst from that technological regression, you’re too na?ve to argue with.

                    3. Big fat citation needed for the claim that using cutting-edge technology will result in a return to medieval lifestyles.

                      Are you under the impression that normal people who want to try solve this problem are advocating for that? Well then, you must be fucking stupid. Refer to my comment above.

                    4. First, nice try waiting this long to respond.

                      Second, I know no one is *knowingly* advocating for that. I’m saying that that is what your plans would necessarily cause if implemented right now, because your “cutting-edge technology” is shit. Solar isn’t remotely ready, wind and hydro only work in certain places, you all hate nuclear with an inexplicable passion and everything else is science fiction.

                      Could we sustain a modern society with your proposed technologies at their current level of development? Sure- if our population were half or less what it currently is. But you’re not sustaining a medieval-level population, you’re sustaining 3 billion people in developed countries and another 3 billion in countries that would like to be. Transitioning *completely* to non-carbon in the next 50 years would either kil tens of millions, or- wait for it- require a reversion to a medieval lifestyle.

                      I know you guys are convinced you’re saving the world. But I have a personal rule not to permit stupidity to be a defense against accusations of will to destroy the economy.

                    5. The sockpuppet is programmed for national socialist suicide. Eventually these dupes will discover that agriculture and mining are causing the oceans to become even saltier, and that will add to their list of Millerite prognostications. Reason can proudly boast that it had Dr Petr Beckmann on its board, and published some of his articles debunking the lies today’s Climate Cassandras recited back before Nuclear Winter became the Glowball Warming ordinary thermometers prove is NOT happening. Realclimatescience.com is the antidote to anti-energy prohibitionism.

                  2. “recklessly”

                    “not going to have any more”

                    Tony’s real problem is semantics. When economic models explain best what is going on and how the world ought to be ordered, he instead chooses phrasing that substitutes meaningless phrases that only charge the emotional appeal.

                    “Recklessly” is a values assessment that has no meaning other than “I don’t approve,” which also has no meaning.

                    “not going to have any more” is an economically incorrect statement. We have precisely the correct amount of everything based on what people are willing to pay for it. At some point oil will be like gold, $1000 per gallon, and we will have precisely enough for the folks who are willing to pay that for it.

                    1. Don speaks truly, but in the bigger picture we have one socialist sockpuppet picking spitting matches with some of the mystics God’s Own Prohibitionists has assigned to generate nonsense in the comments section. The one front where both types of looter can join forces is attempts to sow confusion among libertarians (or mebbe panhandle some pity).

                3. This comment demonstrates just how technicslly illiterate you are. Big surprise.

        2. Says the guy who clearly doesn’t know even the first thing about transporting oil.

          You stood with Standing Rock, I’ll bet – right?

          So woke.

          1. A big part of my job is understanding not just oil transportation but the entire supply chain. Yes, John works for the feds and I (sorta) work for big oil. Funny huh?

            And not everyone can be as radical and politically incorrect as to lamely shill for corporate interests.

            1. How is pointing out that pipelines are the safest way to transport oil “shilling for corporate interests?”

              1. It’s what everyone does here in lieu of caring about the future of the human species. And Oil appreciates the help, because it definitely doesn’t have enough cash to do its own marketing.

                1. It’s what everyone does here in lieu of caring about the future of the human species.

                  In your interpretation. Which is clearly the only thing you are interested in.

                  I don’t understand why you don’t just go talk to a mirror somewhere. Or a plush Darth Vader. Wouldn’t that spare you the carpal tunnel syndrome?

                  1. Maybe I’m one incident away from being put inside a padded room. Who can say?

                    1. Maybe I’m one incident away from being put inside a padded room. Who can say?

                      Well, considering that you come here and explicitly try to start fights with people and then complain about how persecuted and victimized you are when you wind up in fights with people, I’m gonna say you have a little neurotic streak that you might benefit from talking to someone about.

                    2. That’s the funny thing about internet comments. You can’t, say, chastise me for corpsefucking a thread without implicating yourself in the same apparently shameful activity. If I’m an asshole, what does that make the asshole who won’t stop talking to me?

                    3. “If I’m an asshole, what does that make the asshole who won’t stop talking to me?”

                      A person who isn’t willing to let the troll who started the fight in the first place get away with having the last word?

                    4. A person who isn’t willing to let the troll who started the fight in the first place get away with having the last word?

                      In fairness, that too.

                    5. If I’m an asshole, what does that make the asshole who won’t stop talking to me?

                      Someone who’s been trying to get through to you for years because he thought he saw a glimmer of an intellect there?

                      Silly me.

                    6. I know what you mean. I think he’s afraid. Sometimes it seems like he is really trying to argue in good faith, but he falls away from that quickly very often.

                    7. I think he’s afraid. Sometimes it seems like he is really trying to argue in good faith, but he falls away from that quickly very often.

                      I started thinking that a number of years ago. If you ignore the knee-jerk partisanship and general tendency to be a raging asshole, what “principles” show through, when he’s not locking horns and maneuvering himself into untenable positions, could almost be called sort-of libertarian.

                      But he’s got an identity problem where he thinks of libertarians as some horrific evil that he could never identify with, and so he always goes into mindless attack mode in order to make sure everyone knows he’s not one of “those” types.

                      But that was years ago that I started thinking that. Lately I’ve been drifting more towards “unthinking narcissist who enjoys moral preening on the internet because those aren’t real people.”

                      I’m still on the fence. A little bit. Mostly he’s fun to kick around because he constantly paints himself into corners without realizing it.

                    8. what “principles” show through, when he’s not locking horns and maneuvering himself into untenable positions, could almost be called sort-of libertarian.

                      I don’t even know that. I don’t think you have to be libertarian to provide good argumentation. In fact, it’s good to have opposition here. An echo chamber is a pathway to slothful thinking.

                      When I say argue in good faith, I mean discussing openly your views with the goal of openly analyzing an issue. Everyone comes from a certain view, but it’s possible to still discuss it with a mindset other than “FUCK THE OTHER GUY.”

                      Sometimes I think Tony starts doing that, but quickly descends into FUCK OFF Mode. This is opposed to PB who always is in FUCK OFF mode. Tony and John are very similar in that regard. But John comes down a little more often than Tony.

                    9. I don’t think you have to be libertarian to provide good argumentation. In fact, it’s good to have opposition here.

                      Oh, I agree completely. That’s why I stopped being drawn to that other site, to be honest. Not that I dislike the people there, or anything – it’s just become something of an echo chamber.

                      There are people here whose presence I value who are not libertarian, like EscherEnigma or mortiscrum, because even though I don’t always agree with them they tend to be arguing in good faith and mostly don’t act like jerks (we all get a little snarky with each other from time to time, but that’s in the nature of the beast).

                      I put John in that camp, too, even though John is very partisan and can go pretty ballistic when he starts getting riled up. He at least has a consistent viewpoint.

                      Why I say that Tony is almost a libertarian despite the completely ridiculous positions he sometimes takes is that I sometimes suspect that he paints himself into the ridiculous positions because he doesn’t want to agree with someone he sees as a right-winger, yet he can’t think of a very good reason not to.

                      This actually accounts for his wild inconsistencies, if you think about it. . .

                    10. Um I right here guys.

                      I am not in any real way a libertarian. I share some beliefs with you. Everyone shares some beliefs with libertarians.

                      I’m honestly here because I don’t like echo chambers either, and this is the only place I can find right-wingers whose every comment is about how all black people should be killed.

                      My trigger is libertarians mimicking Republican party propaganda. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever you have to be climate change deniers. It completely undermines your credibility.

                      I may not be doing you any good but I like to think I am.

                    11. That was a terrible typo: *this is the only place I can find right-wingers whose every comment isn’t about how all black people should be killed.”

                2. IOW, you lost the argument and now you’re moving the goalposts to ‘global warming is going to kill us all and I’m more worried than you ergo I’m better than you.’

              2. Circlesquare, observe that the socialist is programmed that way, and its recitations mean nothing more than when a seagull squawks. Physical evidence only convinces them you are a tentacle of Big Oil because a “goto” in the spaghetti code they use to keep their ears from touching instructs them to be so convinced. These creeps could not differentiate a constant, much less grasp the definition of energy, and the loops in socialist spaghetti code are endless. Most everyone here already understands the work-energy theorem. But the semiliterate socialist orator imagines itself a missionary enlightening the heathen.

                1. Hank, do you agree or disagree with the overwhelming majority of scientists on the issue of climate change?

            2. Not everyone can be so hypocritical that they cry themselves to sleep.every night over plant feedstock while believing that the radioactive tailings from monazite mines are benign. That takes a special type of idiot.

              1. Oh, Skippy. You act like he even knows what those words mean.

        3. Do any of you have any idea how many barrels of oil it takes to produce a single internet comment?

          1. Too many.

            *weeps single tear*

            1. …are you Johnny Depp?

              Don’t Cry, Baby!

              1. He was a drape, not a square.

            2. Only one tear? Tony weeps a barrel of tears per barrel of oil he consumes, that’s why gets to go to heaven instead of you.

      3. out come the pant shitters

        Is that the new Rancid album?

    2. Britches doesn’t like previewing his links hmmmm?

      1. Previewing them? He barely tolerates posting them.

      2. Late and still hasn’t learned how to do Alt-Text.

        Fucker.

        When is his goddamn internship over?

  1. White House Legislative Director Marc Short assures the nation that there is no hypocrisy involved in President Donald Trump’s condemnation of Al Franken for groping a woman.

    The nation has been reassured.

    1. Trump should thank him for proving that politicians can get away with groping.

    2. It’s worse since Franken claims to respect women. A feminist should be held to higher standards since they allegedly hold themselves to those standards.

  2. California has announced emergency regulations for its recreational marijuana market.

    When they get around to it.

    1. I was gonna write some regulations, but . . .

      1. …then I got…

      2. I was gonna write some laws, but then I got high
        I was gonna shove it down the people’s jaws, but then I got high
        They’ll re-elect me anyway and I know why
        Because they’re all high
        Because they’re all high
        Because they’re all high

        https://youtu.be/WeYsTmIzjkw

    2. “When they get around to it.”

      Pretty sure the reps are trying to figure out whose supporters get rewarded and who gets stiffed. This may take a while.

      1. On the upside, while there are a lot of municipalities saying “no weed,” there are also a lot saying “existing dispensaries can just open their doors to the public.”

        Laziness swings both ways, luckily.

  3. Added to the the long list of Nazi atrocities is their advocacy of decaf coffee.

    One more thing the Nazis and Mormons have in common.

    1. Literally the worst thing the Nazis ever did.

      1. I was at a conference last year and switched the Decaf and Regular signs.

        1. Oh my god, you fucker. You FUCKER.

        2. That is literally worse than shitting in the punchbowl.

          1. Thanks for the idea. Next year!

        3. That is…. brilliant.

    2. Odd how they wanted to avoid caffeine, but gave their soldiers and airmen meth.

      1. Odd how they wanted to avoid caffeine, but gave their soldiers and airmen meth.

        Oh, I don’t know – people can have weird blind spots.

        When morphine was first extracted from opium, it was seen as a great boon for society because it was seen as conferring all the advantages of opium without the nasty addictive properties that had led to “The Opium Problem.”

        When heroin was first synthesized a few decades later, it was seen as a great boon because it conferred all the benefits of morphine without the nasty addictive properties that had led to “The Morphine Problem.”

        Cocaine was also seen as a wonder drug at the turn of the 20th century because it was thought to be non-addictive.

        We’ve finally gotten the problem solved now that we have fentanyl.

        1. You don’t live long enough to get addicted?

          1. Its genius is its simplicity.

            1. Fentanyl is bending the cost curve

        2. Cocaine is no more addictive than girlfriends, and certainly less habit-forming than tobacco. Thanks to Republican and Democrat exporting of prohibitionism, people of all walks of life are nowadays jailed in South America, yet show no symptoms. But opiate users whose normal functions have atrophied reveal shocking and sometimes fatal symptoms of withdrawal sickness when incarcerated for a couple of days. Redefining addiction to include Twinkies, bacon and listening to music only make the term meaningless.

    3. They probably like deep dish too.

  4. Ohio Supreme Court Justice and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill O’Neil has decided to get out in front of any sexual assault allegations by saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 “very attractive females.”

    I would also like to preempt anything you might read about me by saying that, yes, I totally rawdogged an indeterminate number of honeys but it’s okay because it was always in the butt.

    1. saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 “very attractive females.”

      Are we just supposed to assume – in this day and age – that he meant humans?

      1. Are we just supposed to assume – in this day and age – that he meant humans?

        If he is a Donk, I think he needs to specify …

      2. He meant to say very attractive bitches.

        1. A binder full.

      3. He didn’t say how old they were, either.

      4. I think the implication is that there was a buttload more of homely skanks.

      5. campaign slogans:
        Billy ‘it burns when I pee’ O’Neil, for Gov!
        Demonstrating good judgment, via Facebook posts!
        What he brags he did to 50 women, he now wants to do to all of Ohio!

      6. Good catch! For a minute there I was really feeling sorry for Ohiowans, but now the looter candidate is starting to make sense.

  5. The Keystone pipeline leaked, spilling 5,000 gallons of oil near the small South Dakota town of Amherst.

    Still not as environmentally damaging as what was left by Keystone protesters.

  6. Ohio Supreme Court Justice and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill O’Neil has decided to get out in front of any sexual assault allegations by saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 “very attractive females.”

    That’s not a confession, that’s a brag. “Yes, officer, i know i was speeding, and i apologize. It’s just that my enormous dick flopped out onto the accelerator.”

  7. Added to the the long list of Nazi atrocities is their advocacy of decaf coffee.

    To be fair, they figured their invention of methamphetamines would preempt the need for caffeine.

    1. The Germans invented MDMA too. I guess that ecstasy didn’t work out so well if you wanted bloodthirsty Nazi berserkers.

  8. Added to the the long list of Nazi atrocities is their advocacy of decaf coffee.

    You know who else had a problem with caffeine?

      1. Me. Because it’s supposed to be i before e except after c.

          1. See, this is why English sucks. “I before E except after C” or if the word is Caffeine. Or a million other exceptions.

            1. that’s weird

              1. Weirder than sleigh-riding neighbors, even.

            2. Fun fact, spelling bees only occur in English speaking countries. English is in unique in having a phoenic alphebet but non uniform spelling rules. Thank William the Conqueror and the resulting influx of Norman French into Old English for that.

              1. This is true. A spelling bee in Spanish would never end, and the very concept just wouldn’t even make basic sense in Arabic or Hebrew.

              2. Also, our spelling chooses to emphasize word-origin rather than pronunciation, and we don’t update for language evolution. Actually, not having a legally official source of the language is a plus to me.

              3. And the Vikings and the Romans and the Angles and the Saxons.

            3. This is probably the most effective phonetic English spelling system ever devised.

              Never caught on for some reason.

              1. We could just rip off IPA as well. It’s easy enough for english. I think ASCII might lock us in a bit more nowadays though.

                1. We could just rip off IPA as well.

                  Can’t be done, now. English is too widely spoken. You have to decide whether your phonetic alphabet is going to be based on how English is spoken in West London (the current standard), New Jersey, East Oakland, New Zealand, or Bombay.

                  And there are enough consonants in English (like s and t) that change pronunciation based on what other letters they are adjacent to that few would recognize a truly phonetic spelling system as English words.

                  It’s part of the natural life-cycle of a written language. Arabic, for example, is in a ‘late’ stage right now where the written language literally hasn’t changed in about 1,400 years, and the spoken language has become highly dialectified and only vaguely resembles the written language.

                  This is how Latin was in the late middle ages, and why it eventually had to be abandoned in favor of the “vulgar” languages people actually spoke. English will be there in another half-dozen centuries.

                  1. I can’t see how that stops using IPA or something. Then you’re just writing how one pronounces it. I’m not talking about standardization.

                    1. Nothing stops you from using it. Just from being able to communicate in writing with people who pronounce words differently.

                    2. Fun fact: in Chaucer “quaint” is both cognate with the modern word and how you spelled “cunt” in the fourteenth century. He gets a lot of humor mileage out of that, with his love of “quaint mysteries.”

                2. IPA belongs in a frosted glass.

                  1. How quaint!

                  2. Your mother belongs in a frosted glass.

    1. Philip J. Fry?

      1. Problem?! He saved countless lives!

    2. Chuckie “Where’s the camera?” Schumer?

  9. Cannabis businesses in California can’t be within 600 feet of schools. Shops have to close by 10 p.m., and they need 24-hour video surveillance.

    The DEA agents who raid them so that they can steal inventory aren’t going to like that last one.

    1. Unless the cameras stopped working for those 15 minutes for some reason.

  10. White House Legislative Director Martin Short assures the nation that there is no hypocrisy involved in President Donald Trump’s condemnation of Al Franken for groping a woman.

  11. The Keystone pipeline leaked, spilling 5,000 gallons of oil near the small South Dakota town of Amherst.

    The dipstick showed they were down 20,000 quarts.

  12. ?Ohio Supreme Court Justice and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill O’Neil has decided to get out in front of any sexual assault allegations by saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 “very attractive females.

    Hey, check out the amateur!

    /Magic Johnson discussing this with Gene Simmons

    1. Wilt Chamberlain called that a good month.

  13. Oh man, I’m finalizing a trailer that you all are gonna love. God it’s gonna be beautiful. If that Other Site is still up, I may have to pop over there to make sure Gilmore sees it.

    Oof, it’s so good.

  14. Ohio Supreme Court Justice and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill O’Neil has decided to get out in front of any sexual assault allegations by saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 “very attractive females.

    Its hard out there for a pimp

  15. “California has announced emergency regulations for its recreational marijuana market.”

    Imagine a weed market opening without regulations!

    1. The Horror!

    2. It’s like they’re unaware that no one gives a shit anyway and everyone is smoking pot as it is.

      Go figure.

  16. Ohio Supreme Court Justice and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill O’Neil has decided to get out in front of any sexual assault allegations by saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 “very attractive females.”

    You can’t fool *me*, Christian. That’s from The Onion.

    1. Wait a minute. Did we just find out the real identity of Dunphy?

      1. How many of them looked like Morgan Fairchild?

  17. http://www.hollywoodreporter.c…..al-1059306

    So the guy in Curb Your Enthusiasm, who apparently assaults women as one of his hobbies, isn’t actually Larry David? Who knew?

    1. I’m really glad it wasn’t Jeff Garlin. For some reason that would have disappointed me a lot more than anyone else. He just seems so nice…

    2. It’s an open secret in Hollywood that Larry David has been sexually assaulting himself for years.

      1. Is that illegal? Asking for a friend.

  18. http://www.upi.com/Science_New…..m_medium=2

    When microbes go rogue.

    1. Interesting.

      How the Zombie Apocalypse starts.

    2. It’s like they learned nothing from Jurassic Park.

  19. http://www.hollywoodreporter.c…..bs-1059242

    CBS developing comedy based on Stripes. It is actually a good idea and I would be excited if I was certain they will fuck it up.

    1. You’ve grown masochistic.

      1. Was not certain they will fuck it up. You know they will. It could be good but you know it will be awful.

        1. Of course. It’s network.

        2. Duh, Bill Murray ain’t gonna be in it. Is he?

          1. ^ This.

            I may be stepping on some toes here, but Bill Murray is pretty much the only thing that saved that movie.

            1. Bill Murray may be the only thing that saved the entirety of the 80’s, in fact.

              1. What are all the greatest movie plots in the last 100 years, chopped liver?

                1. Settle down, Francis.

    2. There is no way in fucking hell they don’t fuck it up.

      Hello. Narratives and diversity!

  20. Ohio Supreme Court Justice and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill O’Neil has decided to get out in front of any sexual assault allegations by saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 “very attractive females.”

    And rough sex with 500 “very ugly females.”

    1. I knew someone would have beat me to it. Maybe I should actually check the lynx on time.

    2. sigh, I went with homely skanks for the overage.

      1. So I went and hit submit on this comment and got an error: varniche syntax error (or something like that):

        “OMG! Light the Crusty signal!”

        Wow, that is so appropriate. It’s a really good masturbation euphemism. “Varniche?” On man, I am lol’ing.

    3. OMG! Where’s Crusty? We lit the Crusty signal, for christ sakes!

      1. Oh well, just squirrels fucking with me, I guess.

  21. The Keystone pipeline leaked, spilling 5,000 gallons of oil near the small South Dakota town of Amherst.

    Wait I need to keep reading for $1?

    Not now, not later, not ever t(‘_’t)

    1. Wait a minute. Did we just find out the real identity of Agile Cyborg?

  22. Bill o`neil is like ten steps ahead of everyone.

  23. I have an idea that I think would alleviate a lot of our problems. Let’s just establish a monarchy and be done with it. It’s clear 40% of the people in this country would stand for just anything from a politician so why should the 60 or so percent of us worry about the minority’s penchant for ignoring pedophilia or rampant sexual misconduct from an elected official. I want to be like the other people in this country, suspend my utter disbelief and incredulousness, and just worship a designated leader that I can worship with unrestrained adulation.

    I nominate Malia Obama– she’s young, apparently well-adjusted and likely won’t get into a nuclear war with North Korea as she will be more likely to be twerking at Lollapalooza than making threats to wipe sovereign countries off the map. Good idea?

    NYTimes: We’re With Stupid

    1. I want to be like the other people in this country, suspend my utter disbelief and incredulousness, and just worship a designated leader that I can worship with unrestrained adulation.

      Like, say, Stalin. Or Pot Pot.

      1. Is it bad that I’m starting to root for the North Koreans? There’s just something about them that I like compared to some asshole who gets on twitter and spots conspiracy nonsense like he’s being fucking wiretappped by Obama. Fuck him.

        1. “Is it bad that I’m starting to root for the North Koreans?”

          Yes.

          1. I guess the reason is they’re the side that is pretty much not full of shit. That and they’re being threatened by a hegemonic power with a demonstrated ability and will to invade small countries it doesn’t agree with.

            1. You’re something else.

              You make me look normal, which is not an easy task.

        2. Is it bad that I’m starting to root for the North Koreans?

          Yes. Though I guess I don’t know your political beliefs, but it is weird that the President spouting bullshit means you yearn for a huge and incredibly destructive police state. With starvation and tremendous human suffering.

        3. Is it bad that I’m starting to root for the North Koreans?

          Yes. Yes it is. It shows a high degree of derangement and near-sociopathic levels of narcissism. But then, you are a Boomer, right?

          1. Ouch. You couldn’t have gone easy and called him hitler instead?

  24. “Ohio Supreme Court Justice and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill O’Neil has decided to get out in front of any sexual assault allegations by saying on Facebook that he has had sex with roughly 50 “very attractive females.””

    Notice how, with lawyerly caution, he doesn’t specify the species of the females.

    1. I should have known someone would have beaten me to that joke.

      1. Alternate joke, then: Is the number affected if he leaves out humping pillows representing anime characters?

  25. Hey Reason, put another sexual harassment story in the queue.

    OKANOGAN COUNTY, Wash. ? U.S. Navy officials in Washington state confirmed one of its aircraft was involved with skywriting a figure of a penis in the Western air.

    Multiple people sent photos to KREM-TV in Spokane, showing what appears to be a male genitalia in the sky in north Washington. Some have tweeted pictures of what they saw.

    1. My god think of the children.

    2. Unidentified Flying Penis?

      Unbelievably Fucking Offensive?

    3. The military, all branches but especially the Army and Marines, have a long and storied history of drawing dicks on basically anything and everything.

      True story.

      1. And this goes back to the Romans.

      2. “I urge the person or persons who did this to turn themselves in at once, even though I shall impose a stern punishment: using only magic markers, the offender or offenders must fill 100 notebooks with drawings of dicks!”

        “Wow, look at all these confessions, I had no idea there were so many culprits!”

      3. Sky Raper would be a great band name

    4. Since cloud-speech is the same as cloud-violence this man is by far the worst offender of all.

  26. German National Socialists were doubtless upset at the asset-forfeiture seizure of their South American coffee plantations during The Great War. Still, if Mark Twain had been successful in competing with the coffee cartel, Americans would doubtless be sick and tired of coca, and only too eager to pay smugglers a premium for Java as an alternative-but-highly-illegal stimulant. “Uncommon Grounds” is a book chronicling the lies coffee packagers spread about rival brands. It is but a small step from libel to goons with guns in a mixed economy operated by venal politicians and mercantilists.

  27. The last time I was in California, you could buy weed about every 50 feet from the park, all through the Haight and all the way down to the Fillmore without once setting eyes on a looter bureaucrat or regulation. Now? Rudebarbs was right… decriminalization si, taxation and regulation be hanged!

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