Venezuelan Government: Eat These Bunnies

The "Rabbit Plan" has already experienced a setback: people are keeping the fuzzy would-be snacks as pets.

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The Venezuelan government has decided to fight its escalating famine with Freddy Bernal's "Rabbit Plan."

In a bizarre, but apparently serious attempt to feed hungry Venezuelans reeling from the Latin American country's descent into chaos over the past year, Bernal, the Venezuelan Minister of Urban Agriculture, has begun issuing rabbits to 15 communities to breed and raise as a source of protein.

Bernal said he hoped the "Rabbit Plan" would help change the country's "consumption patterns," away from chicken and beef, to rabbits, which he claimed were often eaten during wartime, according to the PanAmPost.

The "Rabbit Plan" has already run into some resistance. Most Venezuelans, it seems, aren't cooperating, choosing to "put little bows on their rabbits and were keeping them as pets," Bernal said Wednesday, according to the BBC. "A lot of people gave names to the rabbits, they took them to bed."

During a cabinet meeting, President Nicolas Maduro promised a widespread public relations campaign to convince Venezuelans to view the raising of rabbits for food, and not as domestic pets, the BBC reported.

As silly as the plan seems, Venezuela's food shortage is no laughing matter. Starving citizens have stolen animals from zoos to eat them. Basic necessities such as diapers, toilet paper, and toothpaste have become rare luxuries. Infant mortality has skyrocketed. With grocery markets empty and food rationed, three-quarters of the citizenry has lost an average of 19 pounds each, according to a study from the Venezuelan National Survey of Living Conditions earlier this year.

Maduro claims food and other shortages are blights visited on Venezuela by shadowy imperialists waging an economic war in an effort to disrupt the socialist vision of the late Hugo Chavez. President Donald Trump's threat to invade the Latin American country this past June has helped the government stoke that narrative.

In prior years, under the leadership of Hugo Chavez the Venezuelan government managed to finance its socialist policies via oil exports, but with the price of oil dropping the country has descended into a humanitarian crisis. The Maduro government held a referendum in August, which gave the executive branch more power and was was followed by the arrests of leaders among the political opposition.

The Trump administration responded with new economic sanctions on the Venezuelan government, sanctions that the Maduro government insists is the true reason for the current state of dilapidation in the Latin American country.

The real reason, we regret to inform Bernal and the rest of the hare-brained leadership, is socialism.

NEXT: Brickbat: The Tick

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  1. A while back I had a conversation with a woman at a bar who had lived for several years in Chile. Of course the subject of Pinochet came up. I said that while Pinochet was a bad guy, the alternative was Salvador Allende, who would have been much worse and could only be removed from power by force. She being your typical leftist disagreed and thought Allende was on the verge of doing great things. In response I said, “I bet you thought the same thing about Chavez about a decade ago.” She didn’t really have an answer to that and politely changed the subject to something a bit more pleasent.

    Socialism will never die. There is something in human nature that makes it forever appealing to some people no matter how many nations and lives it destroys.

    1. To hijack a quote, they create desolation and call it equality.

      1. Ayn Rand in describing the post World War II left something to the effect of “if the state could not provide everyone shoes the way capitalism could, then no one would have shoes and not having shoes would be considered a virtue.” Those are not her exact words but she said something close to that and she was exactly right. In the 20s and 30s they honestly believed socilaism could produce more material wealth than capitalism. World War II and failures of Stalinism showed that to be a complete lie. Rather than walk away from socialism, they just decided that equality was a virtue in itself independent of actual well being.

        1. Even Marx didn’t believe that socialism was better than capitalism at creating wealth. In his historical progression, capitalism was supposed to do its thing and create vast amounts of wealth and technological progress; then socialist governments would come along and seize all that wealth and technology and redistribute it fairly before “withering away.” At that point history is supposed to end, or something, which is why Marx was an idiot.

          1. History ends because everyone dies of starvation?

            But if you read what folks like Lenin and Mao and Pol Pot believed about socialism, they thought their brilliant “scientific” planning would eliminate the “waste” of capitalism and generate unprecedented prosperity. They were so immersed in this delusion that when it very evidently failed they couldn’t accept the blame; it had to be the “wreckers”.

          2. No, the final step isn’t an end of history, it’s an end to the need for government. He was an anarchist at heart, who felt that the best government was no government at all. If humans were perfect, it would work much better that way.

            Of course, that’s exactly why pure communism has only existed in a few monastic or isolated environments. It only can go forward so long as it’s propelled be absolute need or virtue.

        2. In the 20s and 30s they honestly believed socilaism could produce more material wealth than capitalism.

          I disagree. Socialism is all about equality, not wealth. Wealth is greed. Wealth is bad. Equality is good. Better to be equally poor than unequally rich.

          1. Well, the two winners in THAT contest are certainly NK and Venezuela, and in a runoff, I’m really not sure which one would “win.”

    2. Allende wasn’t the saint he’s portrayed as, and his policies were already failing. The legislature and the judicial branch both found him in contempt of the constitution and he refused to back down. It was a weakness of the Chilean system that there was no way to peacefully remove him. If Pinochet had simply removed him and turned power back over to the elected government, called for a new presidential election, etc., I think that would have been justified. However, he used the crisis as an opportunity to establish his own dictatorship, and that was not acceptable. I also don’t buy the argument offered by some that it was necessary. Allende wasn’t the overwhelmingly popular figure the left makes him out to be. He won a small plurality of the presidential popular vote in a 3 way race, and won the position through a deal with the centrist party in the legislature (in those days, if no one got 50% of the vote in Chile, the legislature elected the president). That party abandoned him during his term and formed an alliance with the main right-wing party at the next legislative elections. That alliance won over 55% of the vote, crushing Allende’s leftist alliance.

      1. Except Pinochet was not among the military who overthrew Allende. He was appointed after Allende was deposed.

    3. There is something in human nature

      It’s called ego.

  2. No, no, NO! How many times do we have to tell you? Venezuela is not real Socialism!

    1. The leadershp meant well but it never had enough power and the wrong people were in charge. They just were not up to overcoming the sabatage and resistence of the capitalist nations. The US wanted Venezuala to fial and did everything it could to ensure that. The well meaning socialist leaders of small, poor nation, cannot be blamed for failing to overcome the hostility and sabatage perpetrated by the most powerful nation on earth.

      This is what they actually beleive and it is terrifying.

      1. Whenever I hear about how socialists “mean well” I find myself thinking about the movie Serenity, in the scene where the characters watch the video of the weeping government scientist explain how all the carnage was caused by the “pax” that they put in the atmosphere. “We meant it for the best” she sobs. The result was a disastrous failure, good intentions notwithstanding.

        But how good were those intentions, really? The one thing that would have been worse than failure would have been if they had succeeded. I know creating entire populations of docile sheep who just do what they’re told is a socialist’s wet dream. But that’s not a world I would care to live in.

      2. At least their women have satisfying orgasms thanks to their socialism. Or so I’ve been told.

    2. Any society that doesn’t recognize property rights, or actively works to undermine them, meets the definition of socialism.

      1. Um, no. That’s not the definition of socialism. Thanks for playing.

    3. “Venezuela is not real Socialism!” That is the real problem those of us who are against Socialism are up against. I was reading some comments in an article on the investment site Seeking Alpha a few weeks ago and was dismayed to read how many people posted that Venezuela was not really Socialism. To them Socialism is what Canada, Denmark and Sweden have.

      1. Of course! All of the examples of failures are NOT Real Socialism… if there were REAL Socialism, there would be Successes, right?

        oh, wait… there haven’t been any successes… hmmmmm…. Need to try harder to implement REAL Socialism, right? NK and Venezuela weren’t “right enough” to succeed?

        socialist morons….

    4. Yesterday I saw someone say that Venezuela was state run Capitalism and that’s why it fell.

  3. If only Chavez had given up after his first hilariously failed coup attempt.

    1. If you can find it, try to rent, buy, or stream Amanecer Al Golpe. It’s a little soap opera ish but the background is the 1995 Coup.

      1. Oops wrong title. Amanecio de golpe. Not the Steve Seagall movie.

  4. With grocery markets empty and food rationed, three-quarters of the citizenry has lost an average of 19 pounds each

    The Feel the Bern Diet. Michael Bloomberg will be in his bunk.

  5. How dare they suggest that rabbits are cuter than chickens! Also, I hope they like protein poisoning.

    1. Nothing like rabbit blindness to make everyone equal.

    2. Also, I hope they like protein poisoning.

      Look, chickens and goats left too much fat to cut. You libertarians, never happy.

  6. They’d know better if they had just watched enough cartoons. You never fuck with Bugs Bunny. It never ends well.

  7. Most Venezuelans, it seems, aren’t cooperating, choosing to “put little bows on their rabbits and were keeping them as pets,” Bernal said Wednesday, according to the BBC. “A lot of people gave names to the rabbits, they took them to bed.”

    They already ate Fluffy, Spot and Mr. Mittens and now you want them to eat Bugs as well? Leave them some sense of humanity, you monster!

    1. I expect them to eat Bugs, then eat bugs.

  8. Is that video of Chavez holding the Chomsky book real? That is glorious.

  9. Now socialism can add to its vast list of failures the inability to predict that little girls will gives names to bunnies and then parents won’t want to slaughter them.

  10. Didn’t the North Koreans already try this exact same plan?

    http://www.foxnews.com/story/2…..reans.html

    1. There’s a reason we call crazy people bunny boilers.

  11. The last chapter of Das Kapital is titled “Bunnies for Everyone”.

    1. I have never used the initialization “LOL” before, as I consider it to be gauche and pedestrian.

      But you, sir, have earned an LOL.

  12. Even without the appropriation of property, Venezuela would be destitute because the real issue there is that rigid and binding price ceilings have been imposed. Open any Principles of Microeconomics textbook to see how this works.

    1. You mean the total absence of free market principals?

      To me the discussion is so simple. Any thing other than laissez faire capitalism will ultimately fail because every thing else is eventually broken down by the corruption that accompanies government collusion in markets and the economy.

      The only thing that has a chance of working for the longest time is an economy that is devoid of any form of government involvement (regulation, protectionism, cronyism).

      All the world needs are private property rights and rule of law via contract enforcement. A loose set of rules like the constitution, for example, seems to be a good idea.

      Those founding fathers were f*cking smart.

      1. Economies only have to fail relative to other economies. The US, for instance, may be among the freest economies, but it doesn’t have to get any better and can get worse, if other economies also get worse.

        1. But in this case, it is the opposite of “rising tides float all boats.”

          As the US further abandons capitalism, the rest of the world will suffer. Ours, albeit rife with corruption and departing from rule of law and sound economics, is still the last bastion of safety for most wealth. That is a scary proposition given our march towards socialism/idiocy.

          1. I expect the US to get worse in the short term. But I also expect some other countries to get better. Look at China — probably only Japan in the late 1800s have improved as much in such a short time. Not that they are a great place now, but they sure aren’t as bad as they used to be. Then there’s the example of Venezuela to throw in wanna-be socialist faces.

            Any other country improving its free markets will put the brakes on downward sliding countries. I believe the long term outlook is pretty rosy, and has been since Gutenberg.

    2. Oh, who cares about Microeconomics, that Keynesian multiplier on government spending will rain down wealth and the little details will take care of themselves.

  13. which he claimed were often eaten during wartime

    Phbbbt. “We have always been at war with East Asia”… “Ministry of Truth”… Orwell; what a chump!

    1. War is peace friendo.

      I think that is written inside of the first page of the bible the president in sworn in with.

  14. I look forward to how American history books will whitewash this utter failure of marxism.

    The daily press whitewashing is as hilarious as it is frightening.

    What pisses me off most is when I will have to re-educate my children when they come home discussing how great FDR’s socialism was.

  15. Central planners gonna plan.

  16. “…Maduro claims food and other shortages are blights visited on Venezuela by shadowy imperialists waging an economic war in an effort to disrupt the socialist vision of the late Hugo Chavez….”

    Darn! He must have been tapping my phone!

    1. I wish they would have told everyone beforehand that they just weren’t powerful enough to create socialtopia.

      Would have saved a lot of trouble.

  17. The Venezuelan government is essentially saying that the people are starving because they are too bourgeois to feed themselves. Only decadent bourgeois capitalists depend on markets for their sustenance!

  18. Sounds like Mao’s Cultural Revolution. How did China ever get past that? Oh yeah, Mao finally died of old age. Communism is a system that can never admit a mistake.

    1. Well, when you essentially claim to be a God-Emperor people have a right to expect a certain level of omnipotence I suppose. ^_-

  19. Give it time


  20. Bernal, the Venezuelan Minister of Urban Agriculture, has begun issuing rabbits to 15 communities to breed and raise as a source of protein.

    And the Rabbits eat what, exactly, if they’re in captivity?


    1. President Donald Trump’s threat to invade the Latin American country this past June has helped the government stoke that narrative.

      HAHAHAHA sorry no. But lets be honest here, if those dumbasses will believe that they’ll believe any lie at all so wringing our hands over every little word someone says here in the states is a fools errand. That nation is done unless there’s a miracle and something huge explodes oil prices.

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