Lawmakers Want Trump to Hand Over Comey Tapes If He Has Them, Tennessee Woman Tried to Run Down Congressman Over Healthcare Vote, Mysterious Sea Creature Washes Ashore in Indonesia: A.M. Links

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  Lawmakers from both parties want President Trump to turn over any tapes of conversations with James Comey he may have.

• Police say a woman in Tennessee tried to run down a Republican Congressman over his vote for the healthcare bill.
• North Korea says its latest missile test was of a missile that can carry a nuclear warhead. Stock markets in Asia shrugged off the test, as well as last week's global ransomware attack and other bad news.
• Emmanuel Macron was inaugurated president of France.
• The government of Somalia is holding meetings to review its constitution.
• A giant sea creature washed ashore in Indonesia.

Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

Lawmakers from both parties want President Trump to turn over any tapes of conversations with James Comey he may have.

Be they Beta, 8-track, whatever.

[Rufus The Monocled]

Hello.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Hey Rufus - what are you wearing?

[Citizen X - #6]

You shouldn't need to ask.

[Rufus The Monocled]

The usual.

A thong.

With nipple rings as I stare out of my window facing my neighbour.

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

A thong in the snow? Respect.

[gaoxiaen]

I prefer to wear a penis gourd.

[Bubba Jones]

Clinton response would be to insist there are no "tapes" of any such conversations.

[pan fried wylie]

"You mean, like, Scotch Tape?"

[gaoxiaen]

That seems to be a loophole. Sorry, we don't have any tapes.

[B.P.]

Right. It's time to get disingenuously pedantic in the vein of "wiretapping did not take place because nobody went into the basement of Trump Tower and actually tapped a telephone line".

[Cyto]

Or "Trump was not the intended target of the wire-tap", which seems to be the actual rubric in use on this issue.

[Fist of Etiquette]

It's only kind of pedantic I know.

[RussianPrimeMinister]

I figure we can get the Trump Tapes one we find all of those IRS records that were "deleted" a while back.

[MarkLastname]

I believe they're on his gramophone.

[Bee Tagger]

Lawmakers from both parties want President Trump to turn over any tapes of conversations with James Comey he may have.

But then he's going to tape the exchange and you'll have to turn those over and when does it ever end?

[Fist of Etiquette]

It's magnetic storage all the way down.

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

The first tape is a tape of him taping the third tape, which is a tape of him making the second tape. It's a loop.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Police say a woman in Tennessee tried to run down a Republican Congressman over his vote for the healthcare bill.

She was afraid crazy would become defined as a pre-existing condition.

[Bee Tagger]

Police say a woman in Tennessee tried to run down a Republican Congressman over his vote for the healthcare bill.

Like, verbally, on Twitter? Like, watch this Tennessee woman volunteer to eviscerate this congressman?

[gaoxiaen]

We only need 525 patriots with cars.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

No, It Is Not 'Treason'

"Treason" is the word of the moment, along with "traitor." And this allegation is not coming only from yahoos on Twitter but from yahoos on Twitter who are university professors at Harvard. Laurence Tribe, who once was considered a possible candidate for a Supreme Court seat, is among those who recently have taken to the public square to suggest that President Trump may be guilty of "treason." Treason is a well-defined crime, the elements of which are specified in no less a document than the Constitution itself. There is no plausible case that Trump is guilty of treason, inasmuch as even if he were entirely guilty of whatever it is the Democrats imagine him to have done, there exists no state of hostilities between the United States and Russia, which would be necessary for treason to have been committed.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Seems like a rather fascist interpretation of treason.

[Cyto]

I see what you did there....

[Bee Tagger]

Every time we elect a new President I like to take a moment, so that I don't take this for granted, to marvel at the peaceful transfer of the word "treason."

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

In the words of the sage: "Settle down, Beavis."

Now I have the mental image of Kevin Williamson sitting on a couch, stone-faced, watching Beavis and Butt-head, perhaps occasionally throwing off a dry, "That's funny. That's good."

[B.P.]

I laughed.

[Fist of Etiquette]

...as well as last week's global ransomware attack and other bad news.

Other bad news? Way to gloss over Powers Boothe.

[Conchfritters]

Fuuuuuck - - I have to go to the comments section to learn of the death of one of the most iconic film actors of all time? This is horrible - my day is ruined.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

"All that hate's gonna burn you up, kid."

[gaoxiaen]

Just so it burns everyone else.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

No stupid, the correct response is: "It keeps me warm."

[Fist of Etiquette]

Well, bye.

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

Way to ruin his day, Ed.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The government of Somalia-

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

They got tired of sitting around and finally decided they need a road.

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

But wait, how did they get to the meeting?

[gaoxiaen]

A null set?

[Cyto]

Nah, they've always had loads of governments in various sizes and types, ranging from a guy down on the corner with a machine gun and a pickup truck to full-on islamic totalitarian regimes. The whole "blackhawk down" thing was to take out one such mini-government.

That incident is one of my favorite illustrations of the idiocy that is man. Frontline did a doc on the situation and had an interview with a local business man from Mogadishu. He celebrates the killing of the Americans and proudly proclaims the subsequent departure of the Americans as the Somali independence day. He also laments the famines that followed, and blames the Americans for not being around and doing something to stop it. It was stunning.

But this is how all of us think. Very instructive. And scary.

[Bee Tagger]

The government of Somalia is holding meetings to review its constitution.

Shouldn't take long. I believe the first and last sentence is, "Live in a libertarian nightmarescape, if you can call it living."

[gaoxiaen]

Khat and pre-teens with AK-47's. What could possibly go wrong?

[Fascist loofa-faced shitgibbon]

The Somali constitution is the same as the Fight Club constitution.

[loveconstitution1789]

Welcome to the Somali Constitution. First Rule of Somali constitution is...

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Naked shark guy identified as former NYC police officer, reporter says

The naked guy on the shark may have finally been identified, and it is reportedly a man named "Shawn" from upstate New York who is a former New York City police officer

[Fist of Etiquette]

Dead sharks can still resist.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

I think you just came up with the plot for Jaws 7: The Resistance.

[gaoxiaen]

Keep the fins for soup.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Yuck.

[Fist of Etiquette]

A giant sea creature washed ashore in Indonesia.

Clutching a first class ticket for Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.

[Jerryskids]

The International Business Times reported on Friday scientists and curious visitors have flocked to see the creature's body and that it's unclear exactly what kind of animal it is. IBT reported "suggestions range from being a giant squid to a humpback whale."

Obviously Cthulhu. Came time for the ultimate in evil and chaos and horror to return, he took one look around and said, "Fuck it, I can't compete with this shit" and dropped dead.

[CE]

It was obvious that it was a whale.

[RussianPrimeMinister]

You know who else was a whale?

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Study Finds There's Really Not Much Women Wouldn't Give Up to Not Have Body Hair

A Nair study of 1,000 Millennials found almost 50 percent of women would give up coffee, Netflix, sex, or social media to not have any body hair for an entire year. More than half are self-conscious about how body hair looks.

Be yourself, as long as you are not hairy, or a Republican, or a smoker, and don't eat at McDonald's...

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

I like my women the way I like my coffee. With no body hair.

[Citizen X - #6]

I like my women like i like my coffee: body hair is not necessarily a dealbreaker, depending.

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

Depending on the location? When ordering Turkish coffee, a big ball of pubes mixed in with the grounds on the bottom is not a dealbreaker?

[loveconstitution1789]

Joey, have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison?

[Agammamon]

Well, with Turkish coffee, by the time you find the pubes its too late. And you now have to spend the next several hours cleaning the entire house from top to bottom at least twice.

[Citizen X - #6]

I... i think Agammamon just copped to having accidentally gone home with a Turkish transsexual.

[Agammamon]

Hey now - what happens on deployment stays on deployment.

[Citizen X - #6]

No judgment, man. You do you.

[lap83]

Meaning you are sometimes in a Starbucks mood?

[Citizen X - #6]

Starbucks coffee is only improved by the addition of body leavings.

[gaoxiaen]

Excellent orally skilled females are excepted. Even if I have to turn off the lights, and they're not fat. All cats are black in the night.

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

Problematic!

[Citizen X - #6]

Gaoxiaen has a lot of love to give, but no socially appropriate means of expressing it.

[Cyto]

I'm very picky about my women. I won't have sex with a woman unless she says, "Yes, I will have sex with you."

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

Totally legit survey question. I'm sure every participant would follow through with their statement if such a trade-off were possible.

[hpearce]

"Lawmakers from both parties want President Trump to turn over any tapes of conversations with James Comey he may have."

That is a very starnge use of power, it seems to me.
Why a force Trump to turn over conversations he might have had with Hitler or conversation he might mught have had with Lee Harvey Oswald?

It sounds like a fishing trip to me - just list all the "sins" you think someone may have committed then ask the state to have people turn them over IF they have them

[gaoxiaen]

Then I am totally fucked.

[Domestic Dissident]

Emmanuel Macron was inaugurated president of France.

Also, he demands that you stop implying his wife is a beard. I can't imagine why anyone would think that!

Reminds me a little of senator Larry "I am not gay" Craig.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Check out this guy's gaydar.

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

One of these days, Yokel Ono will finally figure out he's holding that gaydar thing backwards. What will then follow is either a suicide or the most obnoxious gay man in the history of the world. I am betting on the latter.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Andy Dick will meet his match.

[Citizen X - #6]

Simple Mikey's idea of subtle innuendo is making faces while yelling "FAG."

[Entropy Drehmaschine Void]

How do you say "Wide Stance" in French?

[Conchfritters]

The Minneapolis airport has that affect on people.

[gaoxiaen]

Actually, she's a merkin.

[RussianPrimeMinister]

Is the the "I just have a wide stance" guy?

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Troopers are handing out traffic tickets at astronomical rate

State Police officers doled out 14,542 summonses to New York City motorists in the first four months of this year ? an astonishing 759 percent increase from all of last year, when they scribbled just 1,692, records show.

The troopers ? blue-and-yellow fixtures on upstate highways but once a rarity on city streets ? gave out only four tickets in here in 2015 and none in 2014.

In December, Gov. Cuomo deployed 150 state cops to patrol city highways, bridges and tunnel crossings. Their presence achieved two Cuomo goals: to haul in revenue to state coffers, and rankle ?rival Mayor de Blasio, ?according to observers.

[Rhywun]

I wish those two would get a room already. And never leave it.

[Citizen X - #6]

The government of Somalia is holding meetings to review its constitution.

Talk about your fake news.

[Entropy Drehmaschine Void]

A giant sea creature washed ashore in Indonesia.

Putin has assassinated Cthulhu.

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

Has anyone heard from Lena?

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Husband Riley Stearns Announce Split

Fun fact: she uses her poontang to hoodwink and bamboozle.

[geo1113]

So she uses as designed.

[Citizen X - #6]

So you're saying she's a woman?

[Chipper Mourning Somali Roadz]

Winking clitoris hoods are so cute.

[Citizen X - #6]

Not to mention a fun way to spend a lazy Sunday.

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

I heard it's all clicks and buzzers down there.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Finally, someone gets the reference, and it was MJGreen; that is how far Reason has fallen.

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

Than--hey...

I did just watch that ep last night, so it was fresh on the mind. I didn't find it the most memorable scene.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

It was a funny line!

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

"Horndog boss" just feels like too tired and broad a character for the show. Or it's a character I'm tired of, anyway. And writing sexual innuendos for pleasant-sounding Minnesotans is shooting fish in a barrel for Hawley.

[Conchfritters]

Is that what a real Krakken looks like?

[Rufus The Monocled]

Lemme guess about the story of the woman running a GOP congressman.

Ahem.

She's right and I support her. Don't you realize the Republicans are evil maniacs who need to be stopped? I'm not for violence but in this case it's justified! And yes, we need free speech but I think here it needs to be eliminated because responsible. We can't let crazies be running our lives. In fact, why have a Republican party? Why not just shoot them all? Kidding! Not really.

[DanO.]

What goes around comes around
Hack of pirated software gives Chinese thieves a headache.

China alone reported disruptions at nearly 40,000 organizations, including about 4,000 academic institutions, figures that experts say are most likely to be low estimates, given the prevalence of pirated software there.

No sympathy.
https://tinyurl.com/mu4z35d

[Jerryskids]

CNN once again doing the thumb-sucking pieces on why the GOP isn't roundly attacking Trump for the very disturbing and alarming and suspicious manner in which Trump fired Comey - doesn't their silence make them complicit and hypocritical given that "we all know" if Hillary had done this, they'd be screaming to high heaven? Nobody at CNN has yet demonstrated the ability to think outside the box and ponder the question of, if indeed it were Hillary doing this, what would the Dems and the press - including CNN - be saying about it?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess if Hillary were doing this, CNN would be covering the GOP attacks on Hillary as yet more evidence that the GOP has no intention of working with her, that they're obstructionist children stamping their feet and refusing to accept the Will of the People. That they're only interested in scoring political points off this nothing-burger of a story wherein Hillary simply did as she has every right to do in cutting loose a divisive figure who could no longer perform his office due to all the controversy swirling around him, controversy the GOP itself created and now is trying to capitalize on as if there's some sort of scandal involved. When obviously, there's no there there - it's all just smoke the GOP is putting out just because their hatred of Hillary is an irrational, unreasoning and unreasonable, all-encompassing obsession.

[DanO.]

Nibble that Cheeto!

[dantheserene]

Self-awareness isn't something CNN does.

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

I'm seeing an ouroboros.

[eyeroller]

The incident happened on May 8, four days after House Republicans narrowly passed a bill to overhaul the country's health-care system.

How dare they rearrange the deck chairs like that.

[MarkLastname]

With the new arrangement, the acoustics of 'Nearer my God to thee' are much better.

[Agammamon]

North Korea says its latest missile test was of a missile that can carry a nuclear warhead.

Oh North Korea honey - that's not how you do this.

There's nothing special about a missile that can carry a nuclear warhead - any missile that can carry a 150 pound (W54) payload can carry a nuclear warhead.