Free-Range Kids

School Forbids Teen from Bringing Grandma to Prom: Too Dangerous

What if she sneaks alcohol into the dance?

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Granny
Absolut photos

Bryce Maine, an Alabama grandson who puts all other grandsons to shame, chose his grandmother as his date to the Eufaula High School prom.

At first, The Washington Post reports, Grandma—that is, Catherine Maine—demurred:

"I just thought, well, it's just so nice that he wanted me to go," Catherine told WTVM. "I kept asking him, 'Don't you want to take someone else?' But he kept saying, 'No, I want my Nanny.' So I was just so shocked, privileged that he asked me."

"My grandma is the most important woman in my life and she's never had a prom before so I figured why not let her go with me," Bryce told "Inside Edition."

…Catherine, 69, prepared for the April 8 event by purchasing a new dress to wear on the special night, as word of her coming attendance trickled out into the small community. Somehow, the school's administrators got wind of Bryce's plans — and that's when they fell apart.

Turns out the school has an age limit on prom goers, 20, which grandma exceeded by a few decades.

So the school said nix, no, no way, etc. etc. But here's why. Can you guess? Come on—of course you can. It's the blanket wet enough to dampen any fun anywhere, ever: the safety of our precious students. As Eufaula City Schools principal Steve Hawkins said:

"Safety of students and staff is the first and most important of the many tasks of a school administrator. For the 10 years I have been high school principal, we have denied requests each year from students asking to bring older dates to prom. We do not chance leaving any stone unturned when it comes to safety. Most high schools have an age limit for prom attendees."…

Bryce told WTVM the reason the school gave him was "alcohol … in case, you know, she was trying to distribute it to minors."

Yeah, that is so extremely likely. Granny's going to be the one sneaking in alcohol, not one of those 18-year-old whippersnappers. Why, they're under age!

So for "safety's sake" the principal is teaching students the important life lesson that love, kindness, flexibilty and family all pale compared to the regal rigidity of a bureaucrat.

Meantime, al.com news reports that grandson and grandma are going to get dressed up and go out for a night on the town anyway, most likely at a local country club that understands decency (and, okay, publicity) and has invited them to dine and dance the night of the prom. And dreamboat grandson Bryce added:

"I picked out some of the songs she liked from back in the day—a lot of Elvis."

And maybe he'll play one for the principal: "Don't Be Cruel."

NEXT: Originalism teachable moment update

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  1. Sorry Lenore, Todd Starnes was able to load his opinion piece with more outrage.

  2. Hopefully he’ll still get lucky at the end of the night.

    1. Dammit, I came here to say that.

  3. So for “safety’s sake” the principal is teaching students the important life lesson that love, kindness, flexibilty and family all pale compared to the regal rigidity of a bureaucrat.

    You’re right, rules are for squares. He should run for school board and get a ‘Nanny’ exception added so that some poor grandma in the future doesn’t get turned away from a high school prom.

  4. Principal Steve Hawkins: A bloated coma of feral imbecility.

    1. Wait, Steve Hawkins always looks kind of shriveled in his wheelchair to me, not bloated.

      Oh wait, we’re not talking about the physicist are we? My bad.

      1. Now for your punishment, you unstable valence! A hefty splash of selenium tossed upon thy visage!

  5. At the time of my prom, I had no girlfriend, so I went with a girl who was kind of a friend, but really she was just my ticket into the event. I then proceeded to get shit-faced and I’m not really sure when she left.

    Yeah, not the best moment for chivalry in my life.

    1. It’s the one time in your life where he can be a complete asshole, and it gives you bragging rights.

  6. In all fairness to the principal, this is Alabama, and if he lets a boy bring in an older woman then all the girls are going to want to bring in their 30-something boyfriends.

    1. In all fairness to the principal, this is Alabama, and if he lets a boy bring in an older woman then all the girls are going to want to bring in their 30-something boyfriends cousins.

      FTFY. Although I guess they are one and the same…

  7. Crusty hardest hit.

  8. Why is a 20 year old safe but a 21 year old not?

    1. Because liquor.

      1. What about the risk of statutory rape by the 18-20 year olds?

        1. Depends on whether Alabama has a “Romeo & Juliet” exception or something similar on the books for people close in age but on the wrong respective sides of the age of majority.

          1. Depends on whether Alabama has a “Romeo & Juliet” exception

            I think AL it’s called the “kissing cousins” law.

    2. 21 y/o can legally go out and buy ETOH, and then bring it with them and distribute to anyone who isn’t legal. That is the reason given for excluding anyone over that age in the interest of keeping everyone “safe.”

      It’s for your own good, right? That makes everything ok.

  9. I’d be fine with there not being an age limit at all for prom guests, but it seems like as long as there is an age limit the school should enforce it consistently to avoid arguments about favoritism or unfairness in making exceptions unless maybe they make a blanket exception for relatives.

  10. Can we talk about the fact that the kid in question obviously has a truckload of dead hookers in his near future?

    1. They’ll all be found dressed in his grandma’s clothes.

      1. He will be too, when they finally catch him. Including the baggy high-waisted panties and pointy bra, like SIV likes.

        1. SIV likes to wear those himself, right? Because even though his women are bipedal and have breasts, they don’t have much use for panties or bras.

          1. I think that’s a given.

            Fact: SIV’s prom ended in tragedy when his date was killed, fried, and served as appetizers with celery and bleu cheese dressing.

    2. Or the fact that he looks teen-something going on forty?

      1. I think the picture’s a stock photo. Here is a picture of the two. Maybe it’s just me, but my first reaction was photo looked a little too questionably intimate for the grandson-grandmother relationship anyway.

        1. I think the picture’s a stock photo.

          Yeah, I thought that might be the case.

          1. In retrospect, that’s pretty obvious. I’ll take this as my signal to readjust my sarcasm detector.

        2. Hmmm, he doesn’t look TOO dorky. I wonder why he can’t get a real date.

  11. It’s unusual. It’s weird. It’s beyond all doubt that the dude doesn’t understand what proms are all about. But if he wants to bring is sister, his mother, his grandmother, or his grandfather, why not? Everyone will laugh at him and call him a faggot, but if that’s what he wants, so so be it. I guarantee you that in Alabama there are going to be even weirder prom dates happening.

    1. I think the second link Lenore provided touched on the real reason – “The board of education thinks that if Bryce takes his grandmother to prom then future students will do it as a joke and make the school a mockery.” It’s saving face for the administration. Prom is a “cherished event” that WILL be taken super seriously!

    2. It is a tad askew. Also, I’ve heard of “nana”, but “nanny”…? Where I’m from, the nanny is usually a little younger.

      And of course the story wouldn’t be complete without some faux Outrage:

      The hashtag “#letnannygotoprom” quickly went viral on Twitter.

      1. It’s not the dumbest thing that’s gone viral on Twitter.

  12. And maybe he’ll play one for the principal: “Don’t Be Cruel.”

    Hound Dog would be appropriate too.

  13. How hard was this to make an exception. *Poof* Grandma is a voluntary chaperone. Done and done.

    DO I HAVE TO THINK OF EVERYTHING PEOPLE?

    1. That’s how you got your grandma into prom, huh?

      1. Well, it was the precursor for getting into Grandma, if you get my meaning.

  14. Well, sorry about this one but. . .

    1. Even 20 is too old to be going to a high school prom – the only exception, *maybe*, is if the 20 year old is still in high school.

    2. Your *grandmother*? I can certainly understand why she demurred and I can’t understand why he persisted.

    3. You know grandma’s gonna expect sex that night – are you sure you’re ready for that Bryce?

  15. Well I think that this is going to work for sure in the best way possible Snapchat Login

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