Americans Eating Much Less Beef, N.J. Rejects Internet Ban for Sex Offender, Cinco de Mayo an ICE Target? A.M. Links

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  1. These links are busy.

    1. Rufus The Monocled

      Hello.

    2. ENB's links are biz-zay. Consistently and thoroughly.

  2. Good news! North Korea's new missile was a dud.

    I heard it hit a US aircraft carrier.

    1. Timrekgrun

      North Korean state news or MSNBC? Please state a source.

    2. pan fried wylie

      I heard it too, was like "CLONNNNGGGGGG", awesome.

    3. Chipper Morning Wood

      I knew paper mache wasn't very aerodynamic.

      1. gaoxiaen

        Neither was the USS Pueblo. Not very seaworthy, either.

      2. pan fried wylie

        I disagree. If you treat the paper mache more like wallpaper when applying it you can get a very smooth, lightweight result.

  3. U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson told the Independent Journal Review that he hadn't wanted the job but "my wife told me I'm supposed to do this."

    Someone wanted her husband out of the friggin' house.

    1. Conchfritters

      The last (pick a number) SOSs openly whored themselves out and campaigned for the role. We need more reluctant leaders who need to be dragged into service.

      1. pan fried wylie

        Phone Book 'n' Darts.

    2. Citizen X - #6

      That's almost exactly how Ned Stark became Hand of the King in Game of Thrones. Spoiler alert: it did not end well.

      1. Memory Hole

        Nicely done.

      2. Gadfly

        But Trump is more of a Robert Baratheon type than a Joffrey, so Tillerson needn't worry too much.

        1. Citizen X - #6

          And Donny Jr. has always struck me as more of a Gendry, so i guess that makes Erik Joffrey?

      3. Cyto

        So if Trump gets killed by a wild boar.....

  4. Organizers of Philadelphia's annual Cinco de Mayo celebration said it would forgo this year's parade and festivities to avoid putting people at risk from federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents.

    Also because Philadelphia needed to get just a little more asshole-ish.

    1. gaoxiaen

      What about the Mummers?

  5. Bee Tagger

    U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson told the Independent Journal Review that he hadn't wanted the job but "my wife told me I'm supposed to do this."

    Before or after taking out the garbage and replacing the hallway light?

    1. Heading up State was the last thing on the honey do list?

  6. ...the New Jersey Supreme Court said the state's Parole Board can't ban a convicted sex offender from using the internet for the rest of his life.

    Can they deny him parole?

  7. Bee Tagger

    Wait, "Netflix for doctors" is supposed to be a bad thing?

    Netflix and the chills

    1. Stream on an Apple a day to keep the doctor away.

      1. Bee Tagger

        It's never hulupus.

    2. Chipper Morning Wood

      Dude, it's Netflix and bill.

    3. gaoxiaen

      Fuck the AMA!

  8. 'Biking while black': Chicago minority areas see the most bike tickets

    As Chicago police ramp up their ticketing of bicyclists, more than twice as many citations are being written in African-American communities than in white or Latino areas, a Tribune review of police statistics has found.

    The top 10 community areas for bike tickets from 2008 to Sept. 22, 2016, include seven that are majority African-American and three that are majority Latino. From the areas with the most tickets written to the least, they are Austin, North Lawndale, Humboldt Park, South Lawndale, Chicago Lawn, West Englewood, Roseland, West Garfield Park, New City and South Chicago.

    Not a single majority-white area ranked in the top 10, despite biking's popularity in white areas such as West Town and Lincoln Par

    To be sure, if I was the fuzz I would stop and frisk every grown man on a little kid's bicycle.

    1. Rufus The Monocled

      Somewhat related.

      Everyone's an asshole.

      The other day I went cross-country skiing and people were using the middle part separating the ski tracks as a path to pull their kids on sleds. It's retarded beyond belief especially considering there was a path but 20 feet away.

      Worse, they STOP on the ski track blocking skiers. I had no choice but to tell a family of three they were on a ski track and get this....she was defensive! 'Where am I supposed to walk' she replied borderline angrily. I explained to her this was a (fucken) PARK and gently and politely pointed her to the WALK PATH.

      Fucken idiots.

      Fin rant.

      1. pan fried wylie

        I had to chase off a solicitor selling roofing yesterday. You get 3 "Not interested, thanks, have a good one"s before I lose my shit. The guy had the nerve to start an argument about how he wasn't selling anything. Then proceeded to continue trying to sell me a new roof.

        In the future, I will simply refer them to my dog.

        1. I will simply refer them to my dog.

          Nice euphemism.

        2. Let me guess, he ascertained that you had hidden damage to your roof, but don't worry it's all going to be covered by your insurance, because he's intimately familiar with the concept of insurance nay he's intimately familiar with your specific insurance policy, so he would know and you can trust him. Please sign here. When your insurance company tells you that they don't just hand out free roofs, the roofer well tell you that they screwed you and advise you to get legal representation after you pay your debt to him.

          Yeah I hate this species of bottom feeding roofers.

        3. Rufus The Monocled

          Hello.

          /points to self.

          ME?!

          Duh.

        4. John C. Randolph

          When I get any solicitor of that ilk, I tell them that I rent and they should take it up with my landlord. If they ask for my landlord's contact info, I tell them to look it up and close the door.

          -jcr

          1. pan fried wylie

            I don't appreciate strangers knocking on my door asking me if I own the house, so that's really when the conversation ended.

      2. DanO.

        It's hard being a libertarian. Everyone else is so stupid!

        1. How Pot Met Kettle: The DanO Story

          1. DanO.

            ^ Reason's dumbest parrot.

            1. How Pot Met Kettle 2: DanO's Revenge

        2. ace_m82

          Recognizing that someone is stupid doesn't imply that one should (or has the authority to) use men-with-guns against the stupid. Most talk of politics ignores this fact.

    2. Rhywun

      Until proven otherwise I'm just going to assume they're hand-waving away any possible explanations that aren't "racism!!!1!!"

      1. Gadfly

        If those 10 community areas also happen to be high crime areas, then the racism charge doesn't stick. The police are going to be in high crime areas as a matter of course, and it should surprise no one that they'll hand out more tickets in areas they patrol than in areas they don't. If any of these 10 communities aren't high crime areas, then there should be further investigation to see what's up.

        1. Rhywun

          If those 10 community areas also happen to be high crime areas, then the racism charge doesn't stick.

          That's quaint.

        2. Fuck You - Cut Spending

          Those 10 areas are the worst neighborhoods in the city. Nobody with an IQ over 96 bothers with the Tribune anymore.

          1. American Memer

            That is an oddly specific number.

        3. Rhywun

          We have reached the stage where school districts are letting their teachers get beat up by kids they're not allowed to punish any more, because racism.

          It is impossible to take any of this stuff seriously any more.

  9. Bee Tagger

    Americans ate nearly 20 percent less beef in 2014 than in 2005.

    I think I know what the Venezuelan government's solution to this would be.

    1. pan fried wylie

      That IS the solution, isn't it? Or you're saying Venezuela don't fuck around and they go the full 100%?

  10. Anne Frank Center Demands Apology From Tim Allen Following 'Deeply Offensive' Nazi Germany Comment

    The Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect wants the actor Tim Allen to apologize for comparing life as a conservative American to living in Germany in the 1930s.

    Speaking about attending President Donald Trump's inauguration on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Allen said "I'm not kidding, you gotta be real careful around here, you get beat up if you don't believe, it's like '30s Germany."

    The Anne Frank Center called on calling on Allen to apologize for making "a deeply offensive characterization that trivializes the horrors imposed on Jews in Nazi Germany" during the Second World War.

    Remember Tim - never give up, never surrender!

    1. Citizen X - #6

      [grunt grunt grunt]

      1. Arrruuuugh?

    2. WTF

      The Anne Frank Center was, however, curiously unoffended by multiple celebrities and others on the left trivializing the Holocaust by comparing Trump to Hitler.

      1. Chipwooder

        People who are much more visible than Tim Allen, too. Has Tim Allen done anything watched by more than a few dozen people since GalaxyQuest?

        1. Rhywun

          Except Galaxy Quest is better than a life's worth of crap put out by woke losers like Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio.

        2. Last Man Standing has apparently been on the tv since 2011. It co-stars Nancy Travis. Nancy Travis is so lovely that I would watch Lena Dunham poo just for the chance to smell Nancy Travis' poo.

          1. Mickey Rat

            I would rather not had known that about you.

            Though Nancy Travis very nice.

          2. Maybe if she dropped that poo in 1995.

          3. Gadfly

            And it's a decent show. Not great, but watchable, and given the scarcity of good sit-coms these days (especially on the broadcast channels) that counts for something.

          4. ...I would watch Lena Dunham poo...

            I'd offer 2-1 odds you'll get the chance for that at some point.

            1. And in all likelihood for no real reward beyond PTSD

    3. Chipper Morning Wood

      If Anne Frank only knew how to make some kind of a rudimentary lathe, she could have escaped to fight another day.

      1. pan fried wylie

        If Anne Frank only had a competent and reliable assistant.....

        1. American Memer

          You know who else could have really used a competent and reliable assistant?

          1. ace_m82

            The Doctor?

    4. Rhywun

      you gotta be real careful around here

      And the Anne Frank Center goes right to proving his point.

    5. Eternal Blue Sky

      "that trivializes the horrors imposed on Jews in Nazi Germany"

      Anne Frank Center: It wasn't just the Jews. Why do you trivialize and exclude the sufferings of my non-Jewish Holocaust victim ancestors in your curiously selective posturing against Godwinning??

    6. mad.casual

      The Anne Frank Center called on calling on Allen to apologize for making "a deeply offensive characterization that trivializes the horrors imposed on Jews in Nazi Germany" during the Second World War.

      "Your statements leave me less than convinced that the Jews at large were offended and, honestly, I'd rather contract Typhus than apologize to you rent-seeking fucks."

  11. Bee Tagger

    More fuel for Pizzagate?

    That this links to aol is perfect.

  12. Disney Accused of Stealing Zootopia

    Screenwriter Gary Goldman has filed a federal lawsuit against Disney for stealing his idea for its hit animated film, Zootopia.

    Goldman, whose writing credits include Total Recall and Big Trouble in Little China, claims that he had pitched his version of Zootopia - which was also called Zootopia - to Disney execs twice, and both times it was rejected. Per Variety, he claims that the 2016 movie that recently won Best Animated Film at the Academy Awards ripped off its name, character designs, themes and lines of dialogue from a project he first showed the company in 2000, and a second time in 2009.

    1. Timrekgrun

      Pittsburgh has a big furry convention, he should have pitched it there. Zoophilia would have been an instant hit.

    2. Conchfritters

      This lawsuit is going to need crackerjack timing Goldman

  13. More fuel for Pizzagate?

    Just because there's no evidence that it's true doesn't not mean that it isn't not true.

  14. Citizen X - #6

    More fuel for Pizzagate?

    You're linking to AOL? And, hang on, AOL is still a thing?

    1. Bee Tagger

      Aspirating out loud.

    2. AOL is the unofficial email of our most trusted government leaders.

      1. Citizen X - #6

        And several of our least popular grandparents.

  15. Lena Dunham talks weight loss: 'As a woman in Hollywood, you just can't win'

    She recalled, "It's just so crazy because I spent six years of my career being called things like 'bag of milk'? 'baby cow,' 'aging cow.'"

    Dunham said she didn't let the comments get to her because "Anyone who's going to take the time to say something negative about my weight on the internet wasn't someone I was particularly keen to impress anyway."

    1. Citizen X - #6

      "It's just so crazy because I spent six years of my career being called things like 'bag of milk'? 'baby cow,' 'aging cow.'"

      A brief vacant look, like a parody of thoughtfulness, passed across Dunham's face. She then pulled a block of cheddar from beneath one of her exposed skin-folds and went to town on it.

    2. John Titor

      Recently several friends and I had great fun breaking into her New York apartment and tipping her over while she was sleeping.

      1. DanO.

        Hahahaha 'cuz she's a cow!

  16. Paul Manafort was paid $10million a year by a Russian billionaire 'in secretive plan to benefit the Putin government' by lobbying for it within the U.S.

    President Donald Trump's former campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, secretly worked for a Russian billionaire to advance the interests of Russian President Vladimir Putin a decade ago and proposed an ambitious political strategy to undermine anti-Russian opposition across former Soviet republics, The Associated Press has learned.

    Manafort proposed in a confidential strategy plan as early as June 2005 that he would influence politics, business dealings and news coverage inside the United States, Europe and the former Soviet republics to benefit the Putin government, even as U.S.-Russia relations under Republican President George W. Bush grew worse.

    He is so sleazy.

    1. Memory Hole

      Spicer, pressed on a number of Trump associates' connections to Russian operatives, claimed Manafort played a "limited role (in the campaign) for a very limited amount of time.

      Trump, Spicer, et al, these guys are fucking lying pieces of shit.

    2. Konima

      It's hilarious how much smoke there is regarding Trump and Russia. However, according to Trumps' acolytes here, I'm insane for seeing this.

      1. John Titor

        "Dur Hur you're a Trump supporter if you don't hyperventilate about my Red Scare paranoia."

        1. Rhywun

          The accusation doesn't even make sense. What position of influence was this guy in ten years ago?!

          1. John Titor

            Manafort has worked on multiple Republican presidential campaigns for three decades and also lobbied for dictators like Mobutu, but no one seems to be arguing that he's a secret insider for Zaire. The man's a scumbag amoral lobbyist who will work for anyone.

            1. Rhywun

              The man's a scumbag amoral lobbyist who will work for anyone.

              Sounds like it. So guilt-by-asshole then.

      2. Yeah what a bunch of assholes for demanding that you cite your claims with actual evidence.

        1. It is bo cara. No substantiation needed

      3. What smoke is there and what are you thinking of being found?

  17. Rebel Scum

    Americans ate nearly 20 percent less beef in 2014 than in 2005.

    Bunch of commies. Must have something to do with topping a well-done steak with ketchup being the new 'thing'. This, in contrast to all the pussy-grabbing, is just awful.

    1. Rhywun

      topping a well-done steak with ketchup being the new 'thing'

      What- I- just can't even.

      1. John Titor

        It's the President's Meal, and the peons follow.

        1. Citizen X - #6

          He eats it with a spork while watching old Hanna Barbera cartoons.

        2. Rhywun

          Ah, didn't realize it was a Trump reference. I was watching a cooking show last night and they were all circle jerking the Wookiee's "healthy kids" flapdoodle. If it takes ketchup on overcooked steak to put eight years of that crap to rest, so be it.

  18. My bagels bring all the boys to the yard! Topless Ashley Graham bounces her breasts while using bread as a bra in Instagram video

    On Tuesday, Ashley Graham jiggled her bare boobs for the camera while pressing two bagels up against her plus-size model breasts.

    She then leaned towards the lens moving her boobs up and down as she smiled and blew kisses.

    The 29-year-old was an equal opportunity bagel lover, making sure each boob got equal movement.

    1. Chipper Morning Wood

      Clearly, I am going to click on this one.

      1. Chipper Morning Wood

        God bless Daily Mail for the frame-by-frame breakdown.

      2. Citizen X - #6

        My thoughts and prayers are with you in your impending meeting with human resources.

    2. Aloysious

      I hope those aren't toasted bagels.

      1. Chipper Morning Wood

        See, I knew I came back to this thread one last time for a reason. That made me laugh. Thanks.

      2. Ska

        Yeah, that's like massaging her tits with razor wire.

  19. Juice

    I'd eat more beef if it were just a bit cheaper. Prices have gotten a little high lately. It was nice for a while last year when steaks and roasts were on sale all the time.

    1. Rhywun

      Yeah, you'd think the declining supply might figure in the report somewhere.

      Come on middle America, make with the cattle already.

      1. mad.casual

        Yeah, you'd think the declining supply might figure in the report somewhere.

        The National Cattlemen's Beef Association, a trade group for beef producers, said the main reason for beef's decline was a reduced supply of meat, because of increased exports: The United States was a net exporter of beef from 2010 to 2013.

        I blame NAFTA.

        1. Rhywun

          I blame NAFTA.

          Trump was right all along to condemn that evil compact!

  20. Rufus The Monocled

    "Americans ate nearly 20 percent less beef in 2014 than in 2005."

    On the other hand, EATING AND GRABBING PUSSY is up since Trump's election.

  21. Conchfritters

    Organizers of Philadelphia's annual Cinco de Mayo celebration are racist if they think a large number of people who would show up to the party are in the country illegally. I would imagine 99% of the Latino population of Philly are legal, and live in that beautiful friendly city because it is so freaking awesome!

  22. U.S. Airstrike in Syria Is Said to Kill Dozens of Civilians

    t least 30 civilians have been killed in an airstrike by the United States-led coalition fighting the Islamic State in a rural area of Raqqa Province in northern Syria, according to residents, activists and Syrian state television.

    The attack, which hit a school where civilians were taking shelter on Tuesday night, was the second in a week in which Syrians have accused the United States of involvement in a strike that killed dozens of noncombatants.

    Forty-nine people died last week when American airplanes fired on a target in Al Jinah, a village in western Aleppo Province. United States officials said the attack hit a building that was the site of a meeting of Al Qaeda operatives, but locals said the warplanes struck a mosque where hundreds of people were gathering for a weekly religious meeting.

    Let's focus on Ivanka's office location!

  23. Rebel Scum

    North Korea's new missile was a dud.

    There's a little, blue pill for this.

  24. Rebel Scum

    Organizers of Philadelphia's annual Cinco de Mayo celebration said it would forgo this year's parade and festivities to avoid putting people at risk from federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents.

    Because for some reason illegals are now at greater risk of having the law enforced on them or something.

    1. Rhywun

      To be fair, I have seen increasing numbers of Schutzstaffel roaming the streets.

  25. The council is hailing the plummeting popularity of beef as a victory in the fight against climate change, because greenhouse gases are produced when cattle are raised. The group estimates that the resulting reduction in pollution would equal the emissions of 39 million cars, or about one-sixth of the number of cars registered in the United States in 2015. (Some of those environmental benefits, the group says, were erased by increased consumption of other foods that also create emissions.)

    I hate everyone.

    The beef association said it was "fallacious" to draw a link between beef consumption and automobile emissions. Sara Place, the group's senior director of sustainable beef production research, said consumers could do more to reduce carbon emissions by throwing away less food, particularly fruits and vegetables, than by eating less beef.

    duh and or hello.

    1. Rhywun

      I didn't RTFA and somehow that is actually worse than I expected.

  26. Mickey Rat

    Diane Feinstein wants the Constitution to be considered a "living"document, apparrentmy meaning it is malleable to the needs of the moment without having to go to the trouble of amending the thing. Yet, she believes there are such things as "super precedents", which presumably are dead and unchangable (the "super precendent" she mentions just happens to cover an issue she really, really likes). Is there a coherent judicial philosophy there? Is she qualified (aside from the mere minimum of holding a Senate seat from a dysfunctional state) to be on the judiciary committee?

    1. Rhywun

      She speaks for the little man, bless her heart.

    2. Is there a coherent judicial philosophy there?

      She's a Democrat. Republicans are very capable of having a poor grasp of judicial philosophy, but for Democrats it's a forgone conclusion.

  27. Chipper Morning Wood

    Man, the squirrels ate some of my best comments this morning. At least we know they have good taste.

    1. DanO.

      If only someone would share with you the Ctrl-C trick.

  28. Sevo

    WASHINGTON (AP) ? President Donald Trump's former campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, secretly worked for a Russian billionaire to advance the interests of Russian President Vladimir Putin a decade ago and proposed an ambitious political strategy to undermine anti-Russian opposition across former Soviet republics, The Associated Press has learned. The work appears to contradict assertions by the Trump administration and Manafort himself that he never worked for Russian interests.
    http://www.sfgate.com/news/pol.....019148.php

    Yep, I'm sure the evidence will be released "Thursday", just like the evidence that was to be released "Thursday" right after the New Years.
    And the evidence will clearly show something if you accept this assumption and that premise.
    To all you losers: THE HAG LOST! Get over it.

    1. DanO.

      Suck that Cheeto. Suck it!

      1. Sevo

        Losers lose. That's what they do, loser.

  29. Rich

    Netflix for doctors and fuel for #Pizzagate are both nice album names.

    1. Citizen X - #6

      Steely Dan is getting back into the studio as we speak.

  30. carol

    While undergoing treatment at Moffitt Cancer Center I briefly stayed at my daughter's house in Tampa's Ybor City. Tampa has also been criticized for ticketing bicyclists for "riding while black" particularly in the aforementioned Ybor City area. What I observed was that in the Ybor area the bicycles were pretty shitty (old, no reflectors, etc.,) compared to the bicycles I saw around Moffitt, which is located on the USF campus. On USF campus the cyclists followed the "rules of the road" whereas in Ybor it isn't unusual to have someone dart out in front of you or for them to be riding in the center of the lane. So, was the higher number of tickets for blacks actually an indication that civil rights were being violated? I don't know. The study didn't indicate whether blacks were more likely to be ticketed on campus than whites and I honestly don't remember ever seeing a white person on a bike in Ybor. I know if a similar study were done in the town I live in it would likely show that Hispanics are ticketed at least 10 to 1 compared to non-Hispanics because other than children I rarely see non-Hispanics riding bikes.

    1. carol

      This was supposed to be a reply to Crusty way up there ^

  31. Sevo

    The "Anti-Going Out of Business" law gets chopped:

    "When landlords decide to go out of the rental business, San Francisco can't legally require them to pay their evicted tenants as much as $50,000 to cover the higher rents they'll face on the open market, a state appeals court ruled Tuesday.
    A never-enforced 2015 ordinance that would have required the payments was "a form of ransom which interferes and places an undue burden on landlords who simply seek to go out of business," said the First District Court of Appeal in San Francisco."

    1. Sevo

      Link:
      http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/.....018743.php

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