Free-Range Kids

Security Expert Recommends Very Safe School District Install 'Man Traps,' for Extra Safety

That's the real term. Man traps.


Gualtiero Boffi

In Roxbury, New Jersey, the school district just hired the former chief of police, Jim Simonetti, to evaluate their security. And guess what? He has recommended the district spend over half a million dollars on "man traps" to be installed inside all three public schools.

That's the real term. Man traps.

These are interrogation rooms that visitors must pass through on their way into the schools. They must present identification. Then, if the guests pass muster, they are allowed in, according to the Tap Into Roxbury news service. Moreover:

Another security measure being recommended by Simonetti involves what some might label a blow to civility: People should no longer hold open, or open, a school door for those coming behind them. "I'm going to ask you not to," Simonetti said, noting that doing so creates a security breach.

Of course, holding the door open also creates community and social cohesion, but wait, won't somebody think of the children?

Treating every human like a ticking time bomb isn't just mean, it's crazy. It's just like treating every snow globe as if it were an explosive device.

We see this same attitude with the TSA. Not even the most ridiculous "threat"—say, a pair of knitting needles wielded by an 88-year-old in a home-made, lime green, hand-knit dress—can be ignored. Away the needles go.

And now Roxbury, too. Even though this is a township where the 2009 crime stats show 0 murders and three robberies. How terribly unsafe! And even though the schools already have a system in place to buzz people in. But a guy paid to find new safety loopholes somehow finds new safety loopholes and announces we must start trapping men—and women.

But for some reason they aren't called women traps, are they?

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  1. “Man Trap” was my nickname in college.

    1. Sure it wasn’t M. Ant Rap?

  2. Speaking of man traps, Donald Trump just claimed on Twitter this morning that Block Yomomma requested to have his Trump Towers offices wiretapped in October, but was turned down by a federal judge.

    This is maybe the gravest accusation I’ve ever heard made by one president to another. If this is really true, Trump owes it to us to tell us who told him this and what evidence he has to back it up.

    1. ” . . .Trump owes it to us to tell us who told him this and what evidence he has to back it up.”

      Indeed. IF true, he shouldn’t be tweeting this information — the DoJ should be holding a press conference.

    2. So Trump thinks high government officials are secretly spying on him? Hmmmm…..maybe he needs to start using the two-ply tin foil hat like me. Or lay off the drugs.

      1. If Trump thinks government officials are secretly spying on him *and asking permission to do so* – maybe he needs some anti-dementia care.

    3. He heard it from his barber.

      1. His barber heard it from the homeless guy on the corner with the mutton chops.

    4. Block Yomomma

      Hilarious! Do you also write for Breitbart?

      1. You are clearly new here.

        1. I thought he had stopped doing that. Did he have a relapse?

          1. He has never stopped doing that.

    5. I told my wife about this story. She thinks it’s just like Watergate!

      Of course, it’s nothing like Watergate, but I had to break it down for her. In Watergate, an unlikable Republican president tried to bug the campaign of a Democrat candidate. In this fake scandal, a totally cool Democrat president bugged the campaign of a Republican candidate. It’s totally different!

      1. Congrats to both Rs and Ds, who’ve successfully made themselves bulletproof.

        By throwing shit at the wall for EVERY minor indiscretion praying some poop sticks, they’ve created the impression that every controversy is simply political haymaking. Henceforth, anytime there is an accusation, the opposing TEAM will circle the wagons, regardless of the seriousness of the charge, to protect their comrades.

        Welcome to a world where no politician will ever again be held accountable for their actions, because it’s obviously just “fake news” invented by the other TEAM.

    6. I’m sure Angela Merkle will speak out to defend Obama any second now.

    7. The multiple FISA requests to do surveillance on him are known.


      That’s from January.

    9. It’s funny, this was actually reported back in January as part of the Trump is a Russian plant blitz by the media.

    10. “but was turned down by a federal judge”

      That’s when I knew this was BS.

    11. How plausible this sounds depends on whether you believe BHO is a better man than Tricky Dick Nixon. Nixon was a scumbag, but I never heard that he thought he could order the murder of a US citizen in a foreign land without so much as an indictment, let alone kill a teenager just to tie up loose ends.


    12. > Block Yomomma

      Oh right, I remembered why I don’t come here anymore.

    1. Wasn’t always thus. Used to be banned and confiscated.

    2. you may place your knitting needles and needlepoint tools in carry-on

      This is outrageous! What if the terrorist sitting next to Grandma overpowers her?!

      You are permitted to keep scissors smaller than 4 inches in your carry-on baggage.

      And, similarly, knives smaller than 4 inches, right? RIGHT?!

  3. Saw KMW on Kenedey’s show this morning.

    It’s pathetic to see a woman in her fifties trying to act like a hipster.

    1. Showering us all with class, as always.

    2. Oh she’s that old? I was wondering why she’s so out of touch.

    3. Like your mom?

  4. Give all the children 870″s and have shooting instruction one day a week.

  5. Sounds like what we need is a wall

  6. I trust the man-trap room has not only self-locking blastproof doors but steel-plate walls, ceiling and floor, plus is outfitted with a monitored live CCTV feed, bullet-proof glass, ports for tossing in flash-bangs and knockout/tear gas, an electrified floor, and a moat filled with sharks with fricken laserbeams attached to their heads. If it saves just one child’s life, it’ll all be worth it. Unless it’s that booger-eating feeb Billy Johnson who’s always mooching tater tots off all the other third-graders on Pizza Friday in the cafeteria. Screw him.

  7. It’s New Jersey so you know massive amounts of money will be wasted and stolen installing this thing and installing it will obviously cause the need for some other massively expensive project from which to skim.

    1. Don’t forget that the contractor who installs the rooms (with a no-bid contract of course) just happens to be the brother-in-law of the mayor (who happens to be the nephew of the local…’community leader’.

      1. What about the “commission fee” to the former CoP who’s their consultant? In a recyclable bag, please, because this is environmentally-conscious NJ.

        Roxbury’s also one of the few places in the state that conduct road tests now for driving licenses?privately-contracted Motor Vehicle Commission.

  8. Nothing new here. This is from Chapter 16 of A Sporting Chance, by Daniel P. Mannix:

    “The most elaborate trap of this period was constructed by a Lord Spencer. It was a pit twelve feet deep and eight across, with sloping sides so no one who fell in could climb out. The top was a pair of doors covered with growing grass to make them invisible, and so delicately hinged that a rabbit could open them. After the victim had fallen through, the doors flew shut again to be ready for the next customer.

    Lord Spencer’s best haul came one night when he caught a fox, two rabbits, a pheasant, a wild boar, and a young couple who had wandered hand in hand into the woods looking for a quiet nook. A few days later, he caught a whole family, consisting of a father, mother, and two children who had gone picnicking. Spencer remarked, “I felt inclined to have a certain amount of sympathy for this family, trespassers though they were, as they had spent twelve hours lying in the mud at the bottom of the trap, but the shocking language the man employed when my keepers brought him out the next morning caused me the deepest revulsion.”

    1. a fox, two rabbits, a pheasant, a wild boar, and a young couple who had wandered hand in hand into the woods looking for a quiet nook.

      These were all in the pit together? Sounds like a typical Saturday night at Warty’s place.

  9. Man traps, RFID tags, barbed wire fences… How long before public schools are indistinguishable from prisons?

      1. Up until 29 years, 10 months ago our schools had all the doors to the outside unlocked.

  10. We wouldn’t want to do like we do with our money in banks and just have a security guard around to handle problems until the police arrive, would we. As the world gets safer, we get more and more afraid. Perhaps we fear only fear itself?

  11. Serena Williams to be playing the first Grand Slam of 2017. Follow up with daily celebrity news at…..first.html

  12. Yeah. Well. New Jersey.

    Meanwhile, according to the Texas Association of School Boards, more than ten percent of Texas school districts have teacher carry.

    1. Somebody carries the teacher to & from classes?

  13. go to any secured military base,and at the gate,they have a security area,where you pass one gate,and there’s a second you must stop for while they check you and your vehicle. Until they release you,you’re “trapped”,you can’t back up and flee,you can’t drive forward.
    What this LEO is suggesting is similar; a double-door vestibule,where you enter one door,stop in the vestibule for ID and other checks,and only after passing does the second door open and you are allowed to pass. Some jewelry stores use these to prevent “grab and run” thieves,who get caught in the vestibule that locked once they passes the first door,trapping them inside the vestibule. And you can’t shoot through them.
    (photo darkrooms use them too,only one door can be opened at any time,preventing light from exposing open film.)

    But it’s a shame our schools have to be turned into virtual prisons,just to keep the kids safe. That’s a direct result of being soft on crime and punishment,and the loss of morality. Back in the 50’s,I could walk to elementary school on my own,the school doors were open to anyone,and we were reasonably safe.

    1. IME that is exceedingly rare in any US military base. Even going into the secure sections of the base. You may find some checkpoints have areas where you can pull a vehicle off for a secondary inspection, but most are just single points where you stop and a quick ID check and lookover is done. Even going into secure facilities has, IME, just been a checkpoint and buzz-in – no man-trap.

      I’ve yet to see it on any of the Naval or Marine installations I’ve been on. In fact, I’ve seen it in more Italian banks than I have elsewhere.

      You typically only find vehicle traps and that sort of extra control in the places where they’re actually still shooting at you and blowing things up with car bombs.

  14. Is this an open weekend thread yet? Good.

    Say, have you heard the one about the malignant narcissist, birther and delusional paranoiac who fooled just enough sad and desperate Democrats while playing to the bigotry, xenophobia and revenge fantasies of his own party to get elected to the highest office in the world? Well, his latest tweet-storm provides the best evidence yet that he is dangerously unhinged and willing to do almost anything to deflect criticism of his tanking presidency.…..tap-tweet/

    1. Say, have you heard the one about the malignant narcissist, birther and delusional paranoiac who fooled just enough sad and desperate Democrats while playing to the bigotry, xenophobia and revenge fantasies of his own party to get elected to the highest office in the world? Well, his latest tweet-storm provides the best evidence yet that he is dangerously unhinged and willing to do almost anything to deflect criticism of his tanking presidency.

      *Places comment into missile marked “BORING”*

      *Fires missile into moon*

      *Blows up moon*

    2. The link below says Trump Tower, specifically a server within it, was the focus of a FISA wire tap request:…

      But don’t let me get in the way of your ThinkProgress-on-steriods level of derp-umentary.

      1. Not that Trump is your guy.

        1. Not really, and that is an especially embarrassing straw man. The wiretap request was real, no matter how tightly you close your eyes.

          1. The request was denied. So where is Trump’s spying charge? In the garbage can, with all his other unfounded conspiracy theories.

            1. The June request was denied. The October follow-up, not so much. Try again.

    3. It’s really not as far fetched as you seem to think:

      Intercepted Russian Communications Part of Inquiry Into Trump Associates

  15. Just for the record, it looks like the Obama wiretaps Trump is talking about were part of the investigation into the Russian wiretaps during the campaign.

    My understanding is that they asked a FISA court to tap the Trump campaign’s phone in June–but were denied. Apparently, the information they got was from October.

    . . . it’s unclear whether the Obama administration got this information without getting a warrant or with getting a warrant. Either way, we can be reasonably sure of two things:

    1) Obama will not have left any record of having authorized such a tap.

    Too smart for that.

    2) If they got a warrant, that doesn’t mean nobody’s in trouble. It just means you’re not in trouble for getting a warrant. Using the FBI, CIA, NSA, to investigate your political opponents is not okay–regardless of whether you got a warrant.

    Because the door was unlocked doesn’t mean it’s okay to steal the TV set. Stealing TV sets is illegal even if you aren’t guilty of breaking and entering.

  16. P.S. They’re making like Trump gets his news from Breitbart because he’s so crazy.

    The information is coming from numerous sources, mostly the Guardian and the New York Times.

    This is from the New York Times on January 19, 2017:

    “The F.B.I. is leading the investigations, aided by the National Security Agency, the C.I.A. and the Treasury Department’s financial crimes unit. The investigators have accelerated their efforts in recent weeks but have found no conclusive evidence of wrongdoing, the officials said. One official said intelligence reports based on some of the wiretapped communications had been provided to the White House.”

    “Intercepted Russian Communications Part of Inquiry Into Trump Associates”

    That has all the key elements of Trump’s tweets right there.

    Inauguration Day was on January 20. They’re talking about having given the wiretapped communications to the Obama administration.

    1. I believe a server in Trump Tower was the focus, something related to possible banking issues and not necessarily involving Trump himself. That yielded nothing and then moved from a criminal matter to one of national security.

      Saying Trump is crazy on this is like conflating “last night in Sweden” to “nothing bad has ever happened in Sweden due to massive immigration.” Even if your professed target is “Trump associates” you are making a connection to him. Otherwise, those ‘associates’ would be people who rented space in his building.

    2. I assume the Breitbart connection is this article, which basically just links to other sources in a timeline:

      Mark Levin to Congress: Investigate Obama’s ‘Silent Coup’ vs. Trump

  17. Much shorter Ken: “My guy is being picked on again, but the real criminal here is obviously Obama.”

    1. the FISA warrants were, in fact, sought while Obama was president. They were sought as campaign season was in full bloom. But sure, your wife being naked with another man in the same bed was probably the result of some strange coincidence involving an unknown beverage and conventioneers with funny hats.

      1. From your own link above: A FISA application in which Trump was “named” was rejected by the FISA court as overbroad

        So, no wiretap. No spying. Oops.
        Breaking news: Trump is a paranoid liar.

        1. It’s been widely reported that they came back and obtained a warrant with a narrower application. Which brings up the question of why they wanted a FISA warrant to begin with, for what was ostensibly a banking investigation.

        2. The first [FISA] request, which, sources say, named Trump, was denied back in June, but the second was drawn more narrowly and was granted in October after evidence was presented of a server, possibly related to the Trump campaign, and its alleged links to two banks; [sic] SVB Bank and Russia’s Alfa Bank. While the Times story speaks of metadata, sources suggest that a FISA warrant was granted to look at the full content of emails and other related documents that may concern US persons.

          You have to read the parts of the article that you don’t like, too.

          1. The derp is strong with this DanO.

            “So, no wiretap. No spying. Oops.
            Breaking news: Trump is a paranoid liar.

            Trump is [insert ad hominem] so there was no wiretap and no spying?

            The world doesn’t work that way. Even if Trump were a paranoid liar, that wouldn’t mean the Obama administration didn’t wiretap him.

            1. pretty much…and if you disagree, you are obviously a Trump dupe.

            2. DanO is a tulpa sock who has gone anti-anti-left way overboard. He is a faithless debater, I recommend ignoring him

              1. Tulpa will live on forever. Has anyone tried to make a urban dictionary post about tulpa?

          2. after evidence was presented of a server, possibly related to the Trump campaign, and its alleged links to two banks; [sic] SVB Bank and Russia’s Alfa Bank.

            They must have been worried that the latest “donation” to the Clinton Global Slush Fund had been mistakenly sent to Trump’s account.

          3. I thought it was a Chinese Bank not Russian.

    2. “Much shorter Ken: “My guy is being picked on again, but the real criminal here is obviously Obama.””

      Much shorter DanO: “Blah, blah, blah . . . argumentum ad hominem”

      I’m not a Trump guy, but I do support deregulation, getting rid of Dodd-Frank, tax cuts, I’m against the individual mandate, etc.

      I’m not a Trump guy, and I’m pro-free trade, an open borders guy (with some qualification), against eminent domain abuse, etc.

      I’m not a Trump guy, but even if I were, that wouldn’t change anything I wrote.

      Maybe ad hominem arguments are considered reasonable discourse where you come from, but around here? The Obama administration either acted illegally or not regardless of whether I’m a Trump guy.

      Maybe you should get off the internet and read some good books!

  18. I’m guessing these man traps are basically sallyports.

    Also, anyone who has ever spoken to a security expert assigned to a civilian setting realizes he’s a hammer who thinks everyone is a nail.

    1. It’s just a double set of doors with a room (usually the office) where people have to be checked in before entering the building. They have been installed in the schools where I live, and it really isn’t scary looking or anything. Certainly not compared to going through metal detectors, like they do in some school systems.

  19. Huh, the aging hipster KMW, can’t pull herself away from a saturday afternoon cocktail party to cover the biggest scandal since watergate.


  20. Really?

    You’ve never heard of Man Trapping.

    There was a book series called Man Trapping that were essentially field guides to making improvised weaponry and traps…for men.

    1. Written by Gloria Steinem?

      1. Ragnar Benson

        1. I know, it was a joke. I have some of Ragnar’s books. Is the dude still kicking around? He is very old school. I listened to an interview he did a few years back, which was informative and entertaining.

          1. I wasn’t aware they were still publishing his books. I’ve always wanted to get my hands on some copies.

            I didn’t think he’s be the type to give interviews either.

  21. Of course it is no fair unless we have ‘women traps’ as well. Women shouldn’t be allowed to see ‘man traps’ and men shouldn’t be allowed to see ‘women traps’. Also we need to guard against plain old cross dressers and transgenders by ‘checking their equipment’. We can’t have someone going into the wrong ‘sex trap’. Next we need ‘boy traps’ and ‘girl traps’. and we need ‘Muslim’ man and women traps, “Christian’ man and women traps… Let’s see, what’s next? Oh, I forgot about the taxpayers. We need to raise taxes to cover ‘man traps’, ‘women traps’, ‘man cross dresser traps’…..

  22. This kind of mantrap is not actually a trap in the sense of something you get caught in. You are always entirely free to go out through the door you came in.

    Of course, holding the door open also creates community and social cohesion, but wait, won’t somebody think of the children?

    I suppose you have similar indignation at turnstiles and toll booths? A door used for access control is rendered useless if people hold it open.

    And holding doors for able-bodied people is overrated as far as social cohesion goes. Especially when there are so many douches who hold the door when you’re like 30 seconds away from the door, so you have to rush to get to the door so they don’t have to stand there holding it.

    1. We’re not douches, just passive aggressive…errr.. Yeah we’re douches

  23. 30% to 50% of the ruling class is batshit insane.

  24. the former chief of police, Jim Simonetti, … has recommended the district spend over half a million dollars on “man traps” to be installed inside all three public schools.

    But not inside shopping malls? Why do you hate children, Jim? WHY?!

    1. Just the high school halls and the shopping malls? What about the basement bars and the backs of cars?

      1. Conform or be cast out!

        1. Tooooh doooooh.

      2. Any escape might help to change the unattractive truth, but the slavers have no plans to soothe the indoctrination of youth…

  25. Colorado recreational marijuana shops – well, at least the one I have visited – use a similar system, which I was told (by that store’s employees) was required by regulation.

    Stupid? Yes. But that was part of the deal to get legal MJ, and when you dine at the devil’s table, you don’t get to choose the menu.

    1. I’ve been in some that don’t have that setup, so if it’s a regulation, it’s local, not state wide. It also makes sense in that scenario. There was an armed security guard shot at one of the pot stores here last summer.
      A school, OTOH, does not have large amounts of cash lying around. I’m tired of our society being controlled by the pussies in it, and I feel bad for the children being brought up to believe that everyone is out to get them. Stranger danger is stupid: if a child is in trouble, they should ask an adult for help, even if they don’t know the adult.

      1. This shop was in one of the more progtard-controlled areas of Denver, so it may have been a local thing. Personally I don’t know why they can’t just sell it in liquor stores. I do remember that security guard, but it’s not like there’s never been a liquor store clerk robbed/shot before. Bad shit happens.

        Agree with the rest of your post.

  26. It’s really more like an airlock

  27. That’s the real term. Man traps.

    In the spirit of gender equality, I suggest we call them “woman traps”.

  28. They cannot be called woman traps. That would imply sexual assault, and violate title 9.

  29. We live in a country that is afraid of its own shadow. Sad.

  30. I think “sally port” is the word that the “security expert” is looking for. And yes, sally ports are most commonly found in prisons.

  31. Treating every human like a ticking time bomb isn’t just mean, it’s crazy, because it’s how you end up with lots of ticking time-bomb humans.

    There’s a reason they’re called expectations.

  32. Nevermore

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