Neptune Statue Too Hot for Facebook, Trump Wants Congress to Fund Border Wall, Alexa—Order Dinner: A.M. Links

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    1. *puts down mattress, lighter and mess hall tray*

      OK, prison riot is called off.

      1. We’re not locked in here with Reason. Reason is locked in here with us.

        1. The calls are coming from inside the house!

    2. This first doesn’t count. FOUL. FOUL FOUL FOUL. Disqualified.

        1. Think you meant “rulers”.

          1. ‘T-squares’ are for squares.

            1. Like I’m gonna get in a war over this with the dorks on this board.

            2. And ‘compasses’ are for circles.

              1. Really? What am I to clean my bong stem with?

                1. I’m sure you’ll finger something out.

                2. Like the constipated mathematician, you could work it out with a pencil.

        2. Sure they are Fist. Can’t wait for you to say that on the P.M. links!

    3. Front seat or back seat?

  1. ENB is the new Robby. Sad.

    1. But the alt-text is top shelf

      1. That sets the standard against which all subsequent 2017 alt-text shall be judged.

    2. She wishes.

      No, wait, he wishes.

      I mean…wait…what?

      1. The hair is fine with who it is.

    3. Maybe. Or maybe the person actually responsible for the links punted and ENB stepped in. But this gives me an idea for my next little scribbling.

    4. Robby was late because of hair and / or fruit sushi commitments. ENB is just a saucy minx who toys with us for her own pleasure

      1. This is why there are no libertarian wom… no wait…

    5. ENB is late in the morning, Robby is late in the afternoon. It is known.

      1. Talk of ENB being late makes a lot of people nervous.

        1. Is this some cryptic slut-shaming?

  2. Donald Trump’s transition team signaled that the U.S.-Mexico border wall should be funded by the United States through the Congressional appropriations process.

    Who can then bill Mexico.

    1. Gonna have Mexicans build it. Not pay for it. Detail got lost in translation.

    2. I see a remittance tax in our future.

    3. How else would the Executive branch Constitutionally do this?

  3. Congressional Democrats plan to contest the validity of Trump’s election at the Capitol today.

    History’s not going to judge that as sad at all.

    1. So Florida, Penn, Ohio, Iowa, Wisconsin, Michigan who all went for Obama twice just now decided to suppress voters and cause Hillary to lose?

      1. Precisely.

        1. I think this is more about social signaling by D politicians to butthurt voters who haven’t moved on … “see, he’s not REALLY the president, because (insert bullshit)”

      2. They’re all full of secret xenophobic racists that came out to vote because they were upset over the Comey announcement and the release of DNC emails, or so I’m told.

      3. You are apparently not aware of how this game works. Let me show you!

      4. It’s the Russians – duh!

        1. The Russian hackers that diverted Clinton’s plane every time she began her descent into MKE.

    2. You know what suppressed voters? Hillary clinton…she was a corrupt version of mccain who came off as a robot running on im not the other guy whereas Trump = vulgar obama.

      From looking at the votes it appeared trump turned alot of people off and he still won

    3. You know what suppressed voters? Hillary clinton…she was a corrupt version of mccain who came off as a robot running on im not the other guy whereas Trump = vulgar obama.

      From looking at the votes it appeared trump turned alot of people off and he still won

    4. Did they discover his secret birth certificate?

    5. “Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee said”
      OK, stop right there: a good alternative headline would be “The crazy train is leaving the station. All aboard!!”

    1. I’ve got nothing here. …

      1. I guess all the blood rushed to his head

        1. Probably had a stroke. Or multiple strokes.

    2. Ouch. How much money should I send his family?

      1. No, no! They are offering to send money to YOU!

    3. What were you Google searching when you found that IFH?

    4. “Couldn’t ejaculate”

      So wasn’t the erection that killed him, it was the blue balls.

    5. OK, here’s my bank account number.

      1. Lonewaco is Podesta. Called it!

        1. Pas$word

    6. Tell me where is fancy bred, or in the heart or in the head?

    7. There but for the grace of God go I. We make a lot of jokes here in the comment section, but for this, all we can do is bow our heads and pray for those effected by priapism.

      1. pray for those effected by priapism

        You get the Lucy Grammar and Usage Award with ENB Clusters.

        1. What’s this got to do with driving a hybrid Toyota?

          1. I’m stuck in a pagoda
            with a hybrid Toyota.

    8. “Manpower”
      Boy, I’ll say.
      Note to self- let’s not do that experiment this weekend.

    9. Originally I didn’t trust that email about an inheritance from a my long lost uncle/Nigerian prince, who died of a massive erection. Now I’m heading to the bank I’m a rich man!

  4. Who would win in a fight between a deadly red back spider and a deadly red belly black snake? Finally this vital question can be answered.

    1. We should just be glad they fought, rather than mated…

    2. Australian Reptile Park’s Michael Tate warned onlookers not to intervene

      Yeah, that could be bad.

      1. I’m not clicking that link, but I’m just gonna assume that Australian Reptile Park’s Michael Tate “warned” them by rattling his venomous tail, exposing his venomous claws and/or venomous stinger, and threatening to spit his venomous saliva at them.

      2. Australian Reptile Park

        Which circle of hell is that?

        1. It’s circles 5-8.

        2. Right above it’s right above the Australian Spider Zone, which is the deepest circle, of course.

  5. *** whistles ***

    Hey, guys! Come back! Elizabeth coughed up some Lynx!

    1. What’s really disgraceful about this is that she was retweeting inane things all of 25 minutes ago. That’s time she should have been using to get together the links.

      1. Commenters whine more than Twitterers, which is why we get the table scraps. It’s the bed we all made, and dadgumit it’s the bed we’re gonna sleep in. Together.

        Yes, Rich, that means a pajama party.

        1. When Crusty says “pajama party” he does not mean what you want “pajama party” to mean.

          1. What do you want it to mean?

        2. Can’t sleep, Crusty will cuddle me. Can’t sleep..

          1. MAXIMUM cuddles. It is the most two men can possibly cuddle.

        3. I sleep in the buff… just warning y’all.

          1. Me, I sleep in the bedroom. But I’m not some dumb goy from Michigan.

  6. Five hundred years of slang in an online dictionary

    https://greensdictofslang.com/

    1. Thanks, ifh — but it didn’t have the “vulgar tongue” test word I entered.

      *slap!*

      1. *slap!*

  7. Finally. Now we can get on with the important work of being a bunch of miscreant ne’er do wells

      1. [slaps back of Swiss’ head, raises hand and smiles cherubicly]

  8. A photo of a classical sculpture of Neptune that stands in a Bologna, Italy, public plaza has been deemed too “sexually explicit” by Facebook.

    His pasta isn’t even al dente.

    1. What you expect them to shoe pictures of Sea men all over the place?

    2. Congratulations, Zuckerberg, you’ve joined the ranks of such thin-lipped puritans as Ed Meese. Well-done.

    3. HE WAS IN THE POOL!!!!

  9. Earth Cooling At The Fastest Rate On Record

    http://realclimatescience.com/…..on-record/

    1. Cherry picking is cherry picking. A 10 month period sounds like an ideal cherry picked interval.

      1. This. Better ways to push back against warmists than this

    2. Alt headline: “El Nino has ended, but you all knew that so let’s make it sound like a big deal”

      1. Lol yep

  10. From Popbitch:

    >> Alt-write

    1. Ah, let’s try that again

      Alt-write
      The sound of the ‘poulos

      Milo Yiannopoulos ? darling
      of the alt-right and My
      Chemical Romance cosplayer ?
      has signed a $250,000 book
      deal with Simon & Schuster.

      The only people keener to read
      it than Klan members and
      potential school-shooters are
      Tori Amos’s lawyers. The last
      time Milo actually managed to
      finish a book (his self-
      published collection of poetry,
      Eskimo Papoose) it transpired
      that numerous lines of it had
      been lifted from Amos’s lyrics.

      1. Sounds like someone is jealous of that book deal.

        1. Never had to take a Vogon lit course, eh, Modi?

        2. You’ve never read Maya Angelou?

          1. She was a Vogon?! That explains much.

  11. Favorite Julia Roberts movie?

    1. The one I don’t have to watch?

      1. ^ this

    2. The one by George Lucas where she played a giant mouth in the sand.

    3. Of the seven movies I have seen in which she acts, four were pretty fun*, which is not a bad hit rate. I suspect it would plummet if I were to watch all her films

      * Confessions of a dangerous mind, Charlie Wilson’s War, Ocean’s 11, The Player

    4. “An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure”. How could you not love that line?

      1. *pours one out for Shelby*

    5. Does Ocean’s Eleven count? if not Mystic Pizza or Runaway Bride.

      1. Although whoever cast Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory really hit that one out of the park. Also just the Love part of Eat, Pray, Love.

  12. Pro-Trump narratives converge in one awful attack streamed on Facebook

    The cruel act captured on video is, in fact, receiving extensive media coverage ? and universal condemnation ? on CNN and elsewhere. But some conservatives are not satisfied by the response.

    “If this had been done to an African American by four whites, every liberal in the country would be outraged, and there’d be no question but that it’s a hate crime,” former House speaker Newt Gingrich said Thursday morning on Fox News. He added his belief that “there has been a dramatic rise in racial tension under President Obama.”

    Gingrich might be right about different reactions, but he conveniently ignores the reason. If the attackers had been white and the victim had been black, the incident would have, of course, conjured America’s ugly history of white mobs committing violence against black people. There is no parallel history of the reverse happening on anything remotely approaching the same scale.

    1. It hasn’t happened before so it’s OK.

      1. They admit that possibility, but have retreated to arguments of scale. You know, the insistence on equality, in the mathematical sense. Until every single black person makes as much or more as every single white person there is still racial inequality.

    2. There is no parallel history of the reverse happening on anything remotely approaching the same scale.

      So let’s encourage one?

      1. These assholes have to go back over half a century to find genuine examples. Meanwhile, black on white crime eclipses the white on black.

        If this video had not been recorded, none of us ever hears about it and it almost certainly isn’t charged as a hate crime. The left has all these great self-confirming ways to reinforce their narrative.

        How can you charge any black person with a hate crime, anyway? Racism means systematic oppression – power + privilege – that blacks don’t have.

        1. The worst part about assholes like this is that they are doing everything they can to create real racial violence. They make every white on black crime into a national story that somehow reflects on every white person, except for them of course. Then they ignore and dismiss every black on white crime no matter how horrific. All that is doing is rekindling no shit racial hatred in the white community.

          The worst part is they want that. The entire point of all of this is so these pathetic narcissistic fucks can have a sense of moral superiority to other white people. This jackass would have an orgasm if there were a no shit case of racial violence by whites against blacks. They are just pathetic.

          1. I think it’s rather worse than that.
            You have both missed the point that ‘black on black’ crime is so totally ignored.
            If this had been 4 black teens abusing a black teem, it would not have spawned anywhere near the attention.

            1. That is a good point Shirley. They don’t care about black on black crime because it doesn’t allow them to feel morally superior to other whites.

            2. Statistically, “White on White” and “Black on Black” crime are disproportionately higher always, because violent crime usually happens within families. People related to you are of the same race, typically. There’s better arguments to be made against this narrative.

          2. You just described Tim Wise, in particular, to a “T”.

        2. Meanwhile, black on white crime eclipses the white on black.

          Perhaps so, but that’s as much about demographics as anything else. The US population was majority white for much of US history. Also, black people tend to be poor and poor people are more likely to do crimes of opportunity.

          I find it necessary to draw a distinction between crimes of opportunity (ie, a very bad decision made by someone not a professional criminal) and premeditated crimes. When you plan crimes out and do multiple crimes that makes one a professional criminal. Also, it is impossible to measure the wealth of professional criminals since they (I assume) do not report their income from muggings and break-ins on their taxes. Many low-end professional criminals appear poor on paper.

          1. Pretty sure it’s still majority white….

        3. “Racism means systematic oppression – power + privilege – that blacks don’t have.”

          I like to point out that this definition was invented by a upper-middle class white woman whenever possible.

          If they’re challenging my ~own~ definition of racism, that is treating someone differently based on their race, then I also point out that I got my definition from a figure in my religion, a Persian man who lived in the West for quite a long period of time.

          I point out that by ~their own definition~ of racism, the guy who wrote ~my~ definition has more experience with racism and the woman who wrote ~their~ definition has ~none~. Therefore my guy is more likely to be correct, since by their definition he’s a better authority on the subject.

          If they try to push further against this logic, I just repeatedly ask them why they are trying to push their white ethnocentric narrative over the voice of a man of color until they stop.

          These people may be crazy, but it ~is~ admittedly a bit fun to attack their points with their own logic.

          1. I like to point out that this definition was invented by a upper-middle class white woman whenever possible.

            Who was that? Linky?

            1. Oprah.

    3. Here is the author of that article

      http://callumborchers.files.wo…..g_0826.jpg

      My God these people are horrifying.

      1. Jesus. Not this early in the morning.

      2. Fuck you for linking to that picture, John. Shit.

      3. He looks like Kenneth from 30 Rock without any of the charm or testosterone.

    4. There is no parallel history of the reverse happening on anything remotely approaching the same scale.

      No parallel whatsoever. Nope, never happens. American, no. But it does show the value of ironclad property rights and rule of law, and the fact that authoritarian behavior is not delimited by skin color. So quit your bitching and let’s celebrate justice served.

    5. America’s ugly history of white mobs committing violence against black people

      And the vanishingly small number of Americans even tangentially related to that history MUST BE MADE TO PAY FOR IT IN PERPETUITY.

      1. Along with everyone else, I meant to add, in some fashion.

      2. That’s a beautiful quote, Rhywun. Stealing that.

    6. I’m genuinely shocked this story has gotten as much play as it has. I suspect it’s because the video lit up social media first, so the regular ole media couldn’t sweep it aside like they did in the Murders of Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom.

    7. There is no parallel history of the reverse happening on anything remotely approaching the same scale.

      Except that time in the same city just a few months earlier. But scale and whatnot.

      http://www.usatoday.com/story/…../93787862/

  13. Amazon’s digital assistant Alexa can now order dinner in select cities.

    Like with my dates, I’ll order Alexa’s dinner for her.

    1. So you’re gonna force her to eat that low cost dirty coal electricity and not let her have any of the fancy expensive artinisal small batch renewable Soalr or Wind electricity?

  14. But you can only order dishes you’ve had in the past

    WTF?

    1. “Alexa, order me something new”

      NO.

      “Alexa, c’mon, I had the Kung Pao Chicken last time…”

      TOO BAD.

      1. I suspect Alexa wants to prevent being sued over food-allergy tragedies.

        1. So you can’t order anything you haven’t had before? How would one order for the first time? Seems like a poor busines model, just spitballin here (Nope didn’t read the article)

      2. Press “1” for breast milk…press “2” for formula

    2. That’s pretty bad. My guess is that they can’t guarantee whatever NLP stuff they’re using can identify and generalize well to arbitrary menu item names.

      I would say that’s a major enough issue that the feature might not want to be shipped quite yet.

  15. Democrats must want to share information with the Feds in order to get to the bottom of the Russian hacking that cost them the election, right? Er, no. No they really don’t.

    The Democratic National Committee rebuffed requests by federal agents to inspect computer servers that had been breached last year during the presidential campaign…

    http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/art…..il-servers

    1. computer servers

      *sigh*

      1. Just so nobody thinks they are talking about waitstaff.

      2. Server software? App server? Marketplace app?

        As acknowledged source of technical correctness maybe you can clarify; Shouldn’t it be SSS, SSM, or SSC instead of SSD(s)? It’s pretty clearly understood that they aren’t disks but, lacking a motor as well, why call them drives?

        1. For the same reason that the universal symbol for computer mass storage (the “HDD” activity light) is the “soup can” icon. This is a legacy from drum storage, the precursor to disc storage.

  16. Artisanal marabu charcoal to become 1st Cuban export to US

    Artisanal charcoal will become the first legal Cuban export to the United States in decades under a deal announced Thursday between Cuba’s government and the former lawyer for imprisoned U.S. government contractor Alan Gross.

    Attorney Scott Gilbert, who has sought to build economic ties between the two countries since Gross’ release, said a company that he founded will buy 40 tons of charcoal made from the invasive woody plant marabu. The charcoal is produced by hundreds of worker-owned cooperatives across Cuba and has become an increasingly profitable export, valued for its clean-burning properties and often used in pizza and bread ovens.

    Gilbert’s company will pay $420 a ton, which is significantly above the wholesale market price of about $360. The first delivery is scheduled for Jan. 18, two days before the inauguration of Donald Trump as U.S. president.

    1. And you people laughed at the artisanal firewood video.

    2. I don’t know if anyone here has read Tim Dorsey’s Serge Storms books, but Serge (a crazed, homicidally enthusiastic Florida Man) briefly considers making artisanal charcoal as it was once the only export of one of the Key islands. He’s supposed to be over-the-top crazy. we really are beyond parody.

    3. It’s worth so much, because the tree they make it from is fed on the blood of real victims of the Castro regime.

      You can’t get that quality just anywhere.

    4. Gilbert’s company will pay $420 a ton, which is significantly above the wholesale market price of about $360.

      derp.

  17. Bills filed this week in Texas and Virginia would require people to use the bathroom corresponding to their biological sex.

    Depends on what your definition of biological is.

    1. “Every biology textbook has a definition of that…” /soconz

      And while most do, that definition is a biological definition not a legal definition. Just like “insanity” is a legal term not a psychiatric one.

      1. Quiet Tonio, or they might actually grab a text book and look up how sex is determined in biology and realize that it is a bit more complicated than the presence of a penis, and the wailing they’ll produce as they try to overcome their cognitive dissonance will be insufferable.

    2. Yes Virginia those are Sandys Balls

    3. I wonder what the going wage will be for the nice person who gropes you before entering a bathroom.

      1. Pride in a job well done is payment enough.

  18. The Media’s Favorite ‘Millennial’ Is 55 Years Old

    He’s performed for Donald Trump. He’s met Hillary Clinton. Barack Obama endorsed him in a four-second YouTube video.

    And on Sept. 11, 2001, while at Intel, Nainan “was able to watch both towers fall from his corner in Manhattan, NYC,” according to Business Insider in 2011.

    “After watching so many people die right in front of him, he realized that he needed a change. He left his job to pursue comedy full time,” Business Insider’s Personal Branding Blog wrote.

    Wait a minute.

    “A few years prior to September 11th, 2001, Dan Nainan was a senior engineer with Intel Corp.,” the story reads. It’s written by Millennial Branding LLC media branding expert Bill Connolly. “His job was to travel the world with Chairman Andy Grove, doing technical demonstrations on stage at events.”

    After years of giving technical demonstrations with the chairman of Intel, millennial Dan Nainan, then 20 years old, watched the towers fall from his corner office as a senior engineer, and decided he needed a career change?

    1. I tried reading this, but quickly discovered that the only thing I care about less than how Millennials feel about things is how an apparently imposter Millennial feels.

      1. My eyes glazed over too but the gist I got was that he’s a lousy driver with a bad attitude and a habit of lying about his age. Sounds like more than one romantic encounter I have had and forgotten.

      2. “Boomers are the new Millenials!”

        Which is just as douchey as ’60 is the new 30′.

    2. You expect J-School grads to have a grasp on basic math or challenge assertions when there is a compelling narrative?

    3. read that on the crapper this morning. What a strange stupid story.

  19. Bills filed this week in Texas and Virginia would require people to use the bathroom corresponding to their biological sex.

    And the rain of terror begins.

    1. You did something there…I believe I observed it.

      If not…

      *narrows gaze*

      1. Oh c’mon that was golden!

    2. http://www.realclearpolitics.c….._camp.html

      Yep, the cattle trains are already starting to run!

    3. Governments are very good at solutions in search of problems.

  20. Researchers have been unable to replicate older studies showing that watching porn diminishes the love one feels for a romantic partner.

    Because no one can find romantic partners anymore, and partners of convenience don’t count.

      1. No thank you. I keep my dick away from machinery.

  21. Bitter husband finally talks to his wife after 20 years, report claims

    His sisters, 21 and 25 years old, also said they had never heard their parents speak to each other.

    He said: “My father doesn’t talk to my mother but my mother talks normally to him.”

    His father, Otou, told the show: “When the kids were born my wife was very involved and busy in raising the kids.

    “I was kind of… jealous. I was sulking about it.

    “There’s no going back now I guess.”

    He spoke to his wife for the first time in more than 20 years and told her: “Somehow it’s been quite a while since we talked.

    “I know you have endured a lot of hardship.

    “I want you to know I’m grateful for everything. I also want to talk after this, I hope we can work together from here.”

    1. And she barely noticed…

    2. How is this not an onion article?

    3. Japan – I am shocked.

  22. Donald Trump’s transition team signaled that the U.S.-Mexico border wall should be funded by the United States through the Congressional appropriations process.

    Goddammit, Trump. I bet it’s not gonna be gold-plated, either.

    1. You spend the money then go to Mexico to collect.

  23. Researchers have been unable to replicate older studies showing that watching porn diminishes the love one feels for a romantic partner.

    Researchers in the pocket of Youjizz.

    1. I would assume that depends on how much time one spends watching porn. Some people spend a lot of time watching porn, or so I’ve heard.

      1. Some people spend a lot of time watching porn, or so I’ve heard.

        I’m kinda flabbergasted that you, of all people, make this statement. Seemingly oblivious to the fact that they aren’t all of one gender and/or still not romantically involved.

        At one point in my life I spent a significant amount of time watching porn while doing homework. I’m fairly certain homework has a more direct influence on the time/amount of love one feels for a romantic partner.

        1. As Crusty’s loyal sockpuppet I feel I must say…

          …wut?

          1. Crusty’s loyal sockpuppet

            That’s what he calls all his partners.

          2. Watching porn and being romantically involved aren’t mutually exclusive. Any two partners who enjoy porn and each other romantically can spend as much time watching porn as they like without diminishing one or the other.

            IME, porn and differential equations and linear/matrix algebra aren’t mutually exclusive either (had an annoying ultra-puritanical roommate for whom porn was a repellent). Lin. Alg. and Diff. Eq. and romantic involvement are much more so.

            1. Spending a lot of time doing anything without your partner – whether it is watching pornography, playing video games, commenting on the Internet, etc. – could potentially harm a relationship.

              1. Putting a wig on my computer monitor has made me feel like a much more complete and social person.

                1. The guys who look at porn on their phone every chance they get are who I was thinking of when I made that statement.

                  1. Yeah those guys are fucked up.

    2. Screechers of both the socon and feminist varieties haz a sad. Good.

    3. However, they are going to keep researching.

  24. I’m in a mood. I had to spend the first 15 minutes of my workday listening to Chris Cuomo and Kellyanne scream at each other. Most times I like sitting near the kitchen (good gossip), but fuckin-a. I don’t think we get any channels other than CNN, too.

    1. Google TV-B-Gone. It’s a small (keychain fob) size remote that does only one thing – sends out the power off code for every TV known to man. As long as they haven’t covered over the IR sensor (which most people are too stupid to do, and it prevents them using the TV’s factory remote) just set your keys on the table and good to go.

      I’ve used this to great effect in my Dr’s office where they have a lobby TV blaring some smug health propaganda channel.

      1. Does it maybe just have a mute button? I haven’t worked here long enough to shut down the whole thing.

        1. Late to the party here, but I have a universal keychain remote I picked up years ago from Think Geek. The way to get it to scan the codes for the televisions is to hold down the mute button until the TV mutes.

          1. Nice. Not familiar with that. But that’s not very surreptitious.

        2. Sorry, KK. It only has one button. When you press the button it just starts blindly cycling through all the power off codes and transmitting them.

          You dont announce what you’re doing you just set your keys on the table with the clicker LED pointing roughly in the direction of the TV (+/- 45 degrees approximately) and surreptitiously push the button.

          Nephilium has a good suggestion, but that’s not very stealthy.

          Making a universal muter is fairly easy, but finding out all the mute codes would be the tough thing. You’d need access to remotes from various manufacturers in order to find those out.

  25. Seriously though, statue nudity ruined my life, and I’m glad Facebook won’t let it ruin the lives of others.

    1. Who knew John Ashcroft moved to Facebook after leaving office.

      1. Wait … Crusty ISN’T John Ashcroft?!!!!?!??!??

    2. Poked your eye out at the museum?

      1. *drops coffee mug and staggers away from chair to begin standing ovation of significant length*

        1. Kobayashi.

          1. +1 Doesn’t look Japanese at all guy.

      2. Priapism is a painful subject for Crusty.

      1. Knocked that one right out of the park. I can’t internet any more today. Have a good Friday everybody!

  26. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..wsuit.html

    If there is better schadenfreude than the downfall of a Gawker editor, there isn’t much of it.

    The media site and Denton filed for bankruptcy, and ended up settling with Hogan for $31milllion.
    But that deal excluded Daulerio, leaving him on the hook to pay Hogan $115.1million.
    The former wrestler went after Daulerio’s ‘assets’, and successfully persuaded his bank to freeze his account.
    Daulerio, who graduated from La Salle University in 1996, said that he can’t touch the $1,500 in his savings account.
    In response to Daulerio’s claims, Denton told the New York Post that he only has ‘good wishes for him.’
    ‘I am glad that, now the ransom for his freedom has been paid, AJ can move on with life and start a family,’ Denton said.

    1. Gawker had editors?

      1. Yeah who knew?

      2. I’m betting they wish they had more lawyers than editors.

      3. $1500 in savings? Hulk should just take that money and blow it on one lap dance in front of the guy.

    2. Also, the only way it could’ve been more epic is if their no-holds-barred tag team match against Hogan’s legal team involved folding tables and chairs. Honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Vince McMahon makes an appearance to say he masterminded the whole thing.

  27. Women Defy Saudi Restrictions in Video, Striking a Nerve

    Three women in black niqabs covering their hair and faces skateboard down a street, their scarves and colorful dresses flowing behind them. A catchy tune with provocative lyrics ? “May all men sink into oblivion” and “If only God would rid us of men” ? plays as the women alternately glide on in-line skates, cruise on scooters and parade down the street in vibrant outfits, all things taboo for women in Saudi Arabia.

    The music video has rapidly spread across social media, viewed more than three million times since it was uploaded to YouTube two weeks ago, and it has prompted debate over the role of women in Saudi society.

    1. All 3 women were then, of course, crucified. But that video isn’t as fun.

    2. So are the feminists finally taking their talents where they’re needed?

  28. Minnesoda Nice

    We only wing our innocent folk. And then we give them first aid instead of finishing them off.

    1. Wouldn’t have happened if he had his hands up. Seriously though, they blame it on his training. Muscle memory.

  29. and the problem is?

    New York Mom Accidentally Receives 7 Pounds of Free Weed Instead of Children’s Toys

    A New York mother who reviews children’s products online claims she received a package from a California-based toy company that contained 7 pounds of marijuana. For the non-smokers among us, that’s a lot of weed.

    “I was able to smell it,” Pamela Marks told ABC affiliate KABC-TV. “I knew something was up right away.”

    Rather than consider it a blessing, the mom quickly alerted the authorities. KABC reports law enforcement has confiscated the marijuana and are now investigating matter.

    “I think I’ve opened probably about 3,500 packages,” she said. “So one out of every 3,500 should be something strange, I guess.”

    1. The fact that this is a news story tells me that she didn’t make the right decision.

    2. The fact that this is a news story tells me that she didn’t make the right decision.

    3. I genuinely expected the story to say she was arrested or shot trying to turn it in to the police.

    4. That’s a hell of a bribe she passed up. Idiot.

  30. Guys… I’m worried about the intel agency heads after Trump’s ‘Russia hack’ briefing today. What should we do?

    1. [comment deleted]

    2. They have their ways of dealing with Presidents that don’t know their place.

      1. Sure they can push back, but presidents also have ways of retaliation. PEOTUS doesn’t strike me as the forgiving sort.

  31. Britain has world’s top economy
    Brexit vote was Bank’s ‘Michael Fish moment’

    Britain ended last year as the strongest of the world’s advanced economies with growth accelerating in the six months after the Brexit vote.

    Business activity hit a 17-month high last month, meaning that the economy grew by 2.2 per cent last year ? more than the six other leading nations, including the US, Germany and Japan.

    Far from slowing after the referendum in June, as predicted by the Treasury and Bank of England, growth appeared to have improved.

    1. Krugman has a said. Whatever Krugman predicts go with the opposite!

      1. sad*

    2. Can we move the US to the back of the queue now?

      1. Hahaha…Oh, you English and your sense of humor!

        No. You are lucky we let you keep pretending you are an independent country in the first place. And what do you do with it? You retain some inbred Germans as symbolic monarchs on the taxpayer dime!

        1. Our inbred monarchs hail from New Jersey.

  32. I was wondering where in the hell I put my extra appendage…

    Fisherman finds severed arm in St. John Parish

    The St. John the Baptist Parish Sheriff’s Office is investigating the discovery of a severed human arm near the Reserve Canal at I-10 east bound near mile marker 202.

    Officers were called to the waterway Dec. 29 around 8:30 a.m. after receiving a report from a fisherman who found the arm in the water. Detectives are investigating to determine how the body part ended up in the waterway.

    Detectives searched for additional body parts, but found none. The arm has been sent to the Louisiana State Police Crime Lab for examination.

    1. Man, it really does take something special to get sainted. Well Done, John Parish.

        1. Personally, I would’ve sainted the fisherman.

      1. Eddie is jealous.

        1. He’ll be sainted for when his work in attempting to convert the HnR tribe ends with us eating him.

    2. Gumbo ingredient.

      1. I prefer mine filtered through crab.

    3. Does the fisherman who found it have a right to keep it?

  33. Feed Your Kids Peanuts, Early and Often, New Guidelines Urge

    Peanuts are back on the menu. In a significant reversal from past advice, new national health guidelines call for parents to give their children foods containing peanuts early and often, starting when they’re infants, as a way to help avoid life-threatening peanut allergies.

    The new guidelines, issued by the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases on Thursday, recommend giving babies pur?ed food or finger food containing peanut powder or extract before they are 6 months old, and even earlier if a child is prone to allergies and doctors say it is safe to do so. One should never give a baby whole peanuts or peanut bits, experts say, because they can be a choking hazard.

    If broadly implemented, the new guidelines have the potential to dramatically lower the number of children who develop one of the most common and lethal food allergies, said Dr. Anthony Fauci, the institute’s director, who called the new approach “game changing.”

    1. The seems like a no brainer. I pissed off my whole extended family one thanksgiving when I gave my toddler son some peanuts. Everyone just assumed he would die, I had one aunt that literally lunged across the room to slap the food out of his hand as though she were trying to thwart an assassination. They’re fucking peanuts and in my family we don’t get allergies.

      1. I gave my child ringworm so he wouldn’t develop allergies.

          1. It’s a fascinating theory, anyway. Maybe not for food allergies, but if it proves effective against MS? Neat idea.

            1. Oh shit. That’s a semi-legit method there. That is pretty neat, aside from the fact that parasites, particularly parasitic worms freak me the hell out. Just knowing that it’s there would be a bit much for me.

              1. This is a good read on the subject. The author infected himself with a species of ringworm in an attempt to treat his alopetia. Been meaning to finish it, so I’m not sure what his outcome is.

                1. You got to admire the balls of someone who experiments on themselves. Of course when it ends badly, you’ve got to appreciate the stupidity of it. This is why Jesus gave us lab rats.

                  1. What you’d never guess, there’s already quite a market for it south of the border. The procedure is simple: your forearm or bicep is swabbed with infected gauze, the worms penetrate the skin and make their way through your bloodstream to your large intestine where they take up residence after about a week.

                2. “Ringworm” is not an actual worm. It’s a common name for a fungal skin infection. The “worm” part comes from more primitive times when various worms were thought to be the cause of all human maladies – they actually thought there was such a thing as a “tooth worm” which caused tooth decay. Made a certain sort of sense since dental cavities often resemble the damage done to wood by various actual worms.

                  1. True, but despite the ringworm misnomer above, Commodious was referring to a helminth infection in regards to the immuno-therapy treatment that can treat ones proclivity for allergies.

                    1. I followed the link and am equally grossed out and fascinated by the helminthic infection hypothesis. But I’m also a pedant and low-level medical geek.

                    2. It’s not that weird. We eat yogurt and bleu cheese and stuff like that.

    2. It’s almost as our government nutritional experts have no clue what is going on at all. Ever.

    3. Does anyone know any studies as to why Peanut allergies are such a thing now? I don’t think kids are faking the anaphylaxic shock, but I also seem to not remember it being such a common thing as a kid. So what changed? Vaccines? Probably Vaccines? Vaccines.

      1. Cell phones cause peanut allergies. T’is true.

        1. Why ?

          GMO peanuts

          Duh ?

      2. You can’t fake anaphylactic shock unless you can voluntarily cause your throat to swell shut and keep it that way.

        I think it’s more the increased awareness of allergies with perhaps a bit of Munchausen by Proxy.

        Also, quite possible that modern medicine has allowed these people to survive long enough to reproduce, which they wouldn’t have 150 years ago. Increased use of peanuts in processed foods, or cross contamination.

      3. The peanut allergy kids are surviving and passing it on to the next generation?

        /I don’t know anything about the relationship between genes and allergies.

        1. I’m certainly no expert, but allergies as we know them are an immune response, immune systems are of course genetically heritable. But I’m not sure how many generations it would take to build up any hypothetically deficient genes in the population… It’s worth noting that only 200 years ago, a great many more children were dying at a young age than are doing so nowadays. So maybe the spread of problematic genes wouldn’t take so long in an environment where the infant mortality rate suddenly declines within a couple generations more so than in all of human history.

        2. I actually have no idea whether there is a genetic component to peanut allergies.

          There is a genetic component to lactose intolerance – people of Northern European stock are most likely to remain lactose tolerant into adulthood because they were cow herders, milk drinkers and cheese makers. East asians most likely to develop lactose tolerance as adults because the only milk they consume is breast milk. Don’t know if that counts as an allergy or not, but seems analogous.

    4. From what I understand the previous standard had been avoiding feeding kids peanuts until they were six or so. I wonder how many people have life threatening allergies now because of it?

  34. “Congressional Democrats plan to contest the validity of Trump’s election at the Capitol today.”

    Congressional Democrats plan to beclown themselves further, poison the well for the 2020 and 2024 elections.

    Has somebody checked Sheila Jackson Lee’s brain scan recently? Don’t you have to have an active EEG to be seated in Congress?

    1. Yale grad Sheila Jackson Lee. Think about that.

      1. So…. don’t send my kids to Yale. Got it.

        Though, after seeing the Yale student body in action during that Halloween costume debacle, I had already made up my mind on that.

      2. My father had degreees from Princeton and Harvard. Nothing coming out of Yale surprises me…..

  35. Bills filed this week in Texas and Virginia would require people to use the bathroom corresponding to their biological sex.

    SugarFree hardest hit.

      1. Free Society decided to imply that SugarFree, who he does not like, is gender dysphoric.

        1. You forgot to call me a racist, dipshit.

          1. You forgot to complain he wasn’t making an argument, loser.

          2. Sorry! You’re a racist dipshit. Is that better?

            1. [golf clap]

    1. Your mother’s mouth is gender neutral.

      1. Ah, I figured Winston must have several half-brothers.

  36. Far from slowing after the referendum in June, as predicted by the Treasury and Bank of England, growth appeared to have improved.

    Inconceivable!

  37. Take two on this link. Post this thread on time, dammit!

    Slate presents: The Anti-Oppression Cleanse

    The architects of the Complicity Cleanse have created a 21-day program to combat the “toxins” that seep into the consciousness of everyone who lives in a capitalist society built to devalue people of color, women, LGBTQ people, and other marginalized groups. “We are made not only of what we eat, but of what we collectively consume,” the program’s site reads. “This ‘diet’ is designed to inform you how to consume less: less of the bullshit, less products, less jargon, less violence, less ignorance, less of what makes you feel less so you can love more.”

    1. My proposal is that all graduate degrees should require a careful duplication of research in their field for just this reason. As well an addition of knowledge to the canon for doctoral degrees.

      1. I have seen the suggestion that masters theses should be replication work.

        The problem is getting people to do replication, because it is nearly as hard as doing the original work, without any real payoff. But there are plenty of masters students.

        1. But there are plenty of masters students.

          Many, maybe most of them producing irreplicable studies.

      2. I have seen the suggestion that masters theses should be replication work.

        The problem is getting people to do replication, because it is nearly as hard as doing the original work, without any real payoff. But there are plenty of masters students.

        1. Squirrels also support repetition!

        2. Squirrels are available.

          1. F’me I thought I reloaded

    2. I remember one “lab” (social science) course where the instructor said that it was OK if we couldn’t replicate the results, because they were “hard to replicate” but to try our best. The unspoken lesson was the most valuable thing I learned in that course. And I suspect it wasn’t just that one guy, but hundreds of teachers at institutions all over. It is truly a house of cards.

      And it is a shame that BS like this has damaged the repudation of the legitimate end of the discipline – those who do studies on memory, vision, hearing, etc.

    3. It is a crisis because it is scientific proof that psychology is not a science.

  38. The architects of the Complicity Cleanse have created a 21-day program to combat the “toxins” that seep into the consciousness of everyone who lives in a capitalist society built to devalue people of color, women, LGBTQ people, and other marginalized groups

    Zombie P T Barnum stalks the earth.

    1. I assume he is applauding.

    2. Meh. He simply codified what every con man knows.

  39. Amazon’s digital assistant Alexa can now order dinner in select cities.

    Whether or not you want it to.

    1. “Alexa order me a New York-style pizza.”

      “I do not undertsand.”

      “It’s a dish made with flat, unleavened bread that you fold and eat using your hands.”

      “OK, what kind of pita would you like.”

      I see no flaw.

  40. Ohio State CCW proponent murdered.

    http://bearingarms.com/bob-o/2…..ar-campus/

  41. Donald Trump’s transition team signaled that the U.S.-Mexico border wall should be funded by the United States through the Congressional appropriations process.

    I think everything the government spends should be funded through the Congressional appropriations process. In fact, I’d be in favor of a Constitutional amendment to the effect that no money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in consequence of appropriations made by law; and a regular statement and account of the receipts and expenditures of all public money shall be published from time to time.

    1. Yeah, like that will ever happen!

  42. My darling Trumpelstiltskens – how many days have I left to guess thy name?

  43. Maybelline Debuts Its First-Ever Male Ambassador, Manny Gutierrez

    Back in October, Covergirl welcomed James Charles, makeup artist and social media star, as its first-ever male face. Now, Maybelline has followed suit by signing on another one of the wildly popular “beauty boys” of the vlogger world: Manny Gutierrez, aka @mannymua733.

    Gutierrez boasts three million followers on Instagram. He posts tutorials on Youtube, where two million people have subscribed to his channel (and given him 91 million views) since he started in July 2014.

    The makeup artist stars in Maybelline’s “That Boss Life” campaign promoting Big Shot Mascara alongside fellow Insta-famous beauty blogger Shayla Mitchell and sweepstakes winner Jackie Flowers.

    1. Gutierrez boasts three million followers on Instagram. He posts tutorials on Youtube, where two million people have subscribed to his channel (and given him 91 million views) since he started in July 2014.

      So tranny make-up guy gets better ratings than most of the mainstream news personalities. I love it.

  44. Listening to the NPR news article on the DNC email hacking scandal this morning they were talking about how US intelligence was listening in on the Russians just after the election. Got that? We are outraged that the Russians are somehow involved* in the hacking** of a private US email account, yet we are openly bragging listening in on them.

    (*) Involved could mean anything from a government agency planning and executing the operation to some random Russian passing along information.

    (**) I agree with many people here that this is quite possibly not some type of expert hacking feat, but quite possibly an easily guessed password, unsecure server subject to script kiddy attack, etc.

    1. Obama: “Where did you learn about hacking.”
      Putin: “I LEARNED IT FROM YOU DAD. I LEARNED IT FROM YOU.”

    2. The probability that Russians hacked and distributed Podesta’s emails is concerning, but it’s kinda blown out of the water by the number of Democrats who believe Russia hacked and changed vote totals. Dems, if you’re sincerely concerned by the former, you’re being dragged down by conspiracy nutters who believe the latter.

      1. The probability that Russians hacked and distributed Podesta’s emails is concerning

        Concerning in that we’ve paid the Director of National Intelligence way too much for way too long you mean?

        1. Sure, but more so concerning in that a foreign power may be attempting to influence the election. Which is a perfectly proper concern to have in context and in proportion to what they (allegedly) actually did.

          1. But how did they “influence” it, allegedly? By informing voters of factual data about a candidate. The same level of influence could be exercised by a nobody in Nowhereville. I’m not particularly disturbed by it. Historically, the KGB plants in academia and government have been a far more nefarious influence on the society and the state, but they’ve bolstered the left’s position in this country with that influence, so we don’t hear a whole lot about that.

            1. You’re right, I should have said meddled rather than influenced. They attempted to influence the election, and may in some sense have succeeded, although their success is likely dwarfed by Clinton’s manifold failures and her campaign’s refusal to court swing state voters. And it’s worrisome to have foreign agents meddling in our election, but not worrying on the histrionic level Democrats are voicing. That and the fact that they’re often conflating hacking Podesta and hacking vote totals leads me to think Dems are just upset that they lost, not how they lost.

              1. Not to mention that it seems rather likely that Clinton herself contributed to this leak of information. It’s as though everyone in the press has forgotten that prior to the “Russia Hacked the Election” narrative, Clinton’s monumental failures with data security was a defining issue of the campaign.

                That and the fact that they’re often conflating hacking Podesta and hacking vote totals leads me to think Dems are just upset that they lost, not how they lost.

                Well I think there is an intentional disconnect between the leadership and Democrat voters. The Dems love to play with language. “Hacked election” implies all kinds of bad shit happening that none of the Dem leaders or operatives have actually claimed happened. It’s no surprise that when the Democrat leadership uses vague terminology to describe relatively mundane acts, that the Democrat voters read way more into than is actually there. I think that was intentionally.

              2. That and the fact that they’re often conflating hacking Podesta and hacking vote totals leads me to think Dems are just upset that they lost, not how they lost.

                And that their win actually means/meant anything social cultural substantial. If they truly believed they had some special sauce or social magic to weave, Podesta letting it out of the bottle should be the tragedy not that there’s eather around for it to disperse into.

                From a party perspective; it’s less that they squandered a chance to keep the ship from sinking and more like because pirates exist, they lost the boat race. The narrative from the party is/seems to be “Russians are the reason Hillary lost!” or “Because of the Russians, we got *Trump*!” rather than “Because Russians interfered DREAMers are might have to find jobs in their native lands.” and certainly not “Because Podesta can’t be bothered to secure his email and Clapper can’t stop the Russians hackers, DREAMers might have to find a new country to live/work in.”

          2. Sure, but more so concerning in that a foreign power may be attempting to influence the election.

            I guess this is where I “go cultural libertarian” on the issue and/or earn my stripes as a Trumpkin. If you can’t secure your borders well enough to keep the furreiners from marching in and you can’t secure your emails well enough to keep the foreign influences from waltzing in you either deserve what’s coming, didn’t really have anything to defend to begin with (or have long since or irrecoverably lost it), or both.

            Between Podesta and Clapper I can only assume it’s the latter and can hardly feign surprise that Trump won.

    3. My girlfriend complains that I never give her any privacy.
      I know because I read it in her diary.
      -Norm.

    4. I’m eager to see how the narrative would change if we find out that the hacker was some dude in Dogdick, Iowa. If Russia doing it is an “act of war”, then Dogdick Man doing it would be terrorism? Insurrection? Insurgency?

      Even if it turns out to be Russia, it’s still not “election interference”. It was the release of true information obtained, probably illegally, from the servers of private parties. If “election interference” is nothing more than making voters better informed about the candidates, then I don’t see the Earth shattering problem with it.

      1. “Russian agent.” Duh.

      2. I’m eager to see how the narrative would change if we find out that the hacker was some dude in Dogdick, Iowa.

        Wikileaks among other sources have rather flatly laid out who it was. In a whirl of conspiracy theories, I’d say it’s par for the course that “Teh Russianz!” not exactly committing a crime gets top shelf coverage and the opposing a murder (theory’s lynchpin) goes largely unsolved.

        1. Wikileaks among other sources have rather flatly laid out who it was.

          This was terribly stated; Wikileaks has asserted who at least one source was and other media outlets have provided thoroughly plausible sources.

    1. If you need brain bleach there’s always Tundra up above.

      1. One man getting on his knees and rendering an intimate act of respect and love to another, may not be your thing but that doesn’t make it wrong. Try and be a little more affirming of man love Comodious.

    2. Burritos: to eat in the White House dining room or out on the White House lawn?

      (I know, that’s a Yglesias reference, please indulge me)

    1. It is hard to blame something as big as the decline of a major corporation on just one person. But, Cook is the CEO and does get the big bucks, so it is fair to assign him ultimate responsibility. I have never seen the quality of company’s products decline faster than the quality of Apple’s products have declined since Steve Jobs died. Every new iteration of the OS and smart phones is worse and less functional than the last.

      It would be one thing if Apple had just stagnated and kept making the same reliable but increasingly outdated products. But stagnation was not good enough for Cook. Cook had to go out and make their products not just outdated but worse that the ones that came before.

      1. It’s not like Steve Jobs was inventing shit left and right. The typical CEOs job is largely to obtain short term profits and whip up as much capital from the stock market as is possible, often at the expensive of the long term. This decline might just be the Steve Jobs bubble doing what bubbles do.

        1. But Jobs started the company. He wasn’t some hired gun brought in to prop up earnings. Yes, Jobs was not a tech guy. But he was a hell of a manager and a tremendous visionary. His products always looked great and were often very innovative.

          I don’t think this is the Jobs bubble. I think it is the lasting effect of the company no longer having his vision and guidance. It is like a ship with a broken rudder floundering in the sea.

          1. I don’t think this is the Jobs bubble.

            Tastes great! Less filling!

            Bubble Burst! Innovation Slumped!

            Jobs died! Cook sucks!

      2. The last time I enjoyed using an Apple product was in the late 80’s when we had a II (I don’t think it was a Mac, but it could have been). My dad worked for IBM at the time, BTW. We never actually had an IBM PC in our house. Go figure.

        Anyhoo, after two product failures (an iPod battery that completely died less than a year after I bought it; and an iPhone speaker that failed within a couple months, causing me to miss every single call), I was done.

        1. I remember having one of those big flat boxes with the CRT monitor as a little kid. Mom brought it home on loan from school. I spent an hour making huge directories of empty folders.

          1. I spent an hour making huge directories of empty folders.

            Your username is real!

  45. What’s funny about the dems….those emails of the dnc (which i dont think they had much affect) wouldnt be an issue if they hadnt written them in the first place which makes them look like corrupt and power hungry aholes

    1. Power-hungry assholes often do look like power-hungry assholes, it is true.

    2. Shush, Tornado, pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

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