Trump Will Accept Election, Maybe, Another Woman Claims Trump Groped Her, U.S. Service Member Killed in Iraq: P.M. Links

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  • Trump sign
    Albin Lohr-Jones / Pacifi/SIPA/Newscom

    Donald Trump says he'll accept the election results … if he wins. That was likely a joke. He clarified that he will reserve the right to contest the election results if he deems them "questionable," but will accept a "clear outcome."

  • A tenth woman has come forward claiming Trump touched her inappropriately.
  • A U.S. service member was killed by an improvised explosive device in northern Iraq near Mosul.
  • A man found guilty of raping a teenage girl pulled out a razor and slit his own throat after the verdict was read in an Orange County, California, courtroom.
  • Syrian President Bashar Assad contends the famous photo of the shell-shocked, bloody Syrian boy who has come to symbolize the terrible state of Aleppo is forged.
  • British Prime Minister Theresa May says the United Kingdom will remain a solid trading partner with the European Union even after leaving the coalition.

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    1. racist

    2. Fisting Harambe? What?

      1. It’s his idea for a Halloween costume.

        1. No, my costume idea is a t-shirt with Trump’s face with a line through it and under written JUSTICE FOR HOMBRE.

          1. Ypu’re pne bad hpmbre.

          2. Sombrero would be a good topper to that outfit.

    3. Hello.

      “A tenth woman has come forward claiming Trump touched her inappropriately.”

      /Pillsbury dough man giggle.

      1. One groped victim is a tragedy, ten groped victims are a statistic. They can pile on all they want, the needle already moved as far as it’s going to in regards to this narrative.

        1. Wish someone would grope me. I could go to the airport, but that’s 120 mile drive, and it’s not worth the gas, if the wrong TSA agent is working.

      2. Using NBC as a news source has about as much validity as using the Bible as a geology source.

  1. That was likely a joke.

    Can the country accept a subtle Trump?

    1. The country does not have to worry about Trump winning. The country will also not worry when Clinton wins and that is part of the ongoing problem for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

    2. He’s been subtle the whole time, but nobody got it.

      1. He definitely has a sense of irony that he gets no credit for. I laughed when he went on about how vulgar and horrible Vicente Fox was for a single f-bomb. Trump played it straight but I am 100.000% sure he saw the irony and milked it.

        1. I bet Hillary has a really foul mouth.

          1. From all accounts, absolutely.

            It is legend amongst military staffers that were WH liaisons and from the Arkansas State Police that worked the Clinton detail.

  2. A tenth woman has come forward claiming Trump touched her inappropriately.

    How many beauty pageants does this man own?

    1. And she’s a Huffington Post write too. What a coincidence!

      http://gotnews.com/breaking-ne…..lred-pawn/

      1. Dude, you Ken Schulz’d that link. Pro-tips: Learn to use HTML tags. Don’t use link shorteners like tinyurl – no way to tell where those redirect to, so many of us will not click on them.

        1. You act like you don’t regularly visit meatspin.com

          1. He just doesn’t want to do it by accident.

      2. Flanked by women’s rights attorney Gloria Allred, a Hillary Clinton supporter who has represented other women with sexual misconduct claims against Trump, Karena Virginia shared her story, tears streaming down her cheeks.

        He touched a boob. Allegedly. And that’s enough to bring on the waterworks 18 years later?

        1. She is a life coach and yoga guru…

          1. I’m betting she’s about to branch out to sexual assault counseling.

        2. If Gloria Allred’s involved you know it’s bullshit.

  3. Syrian President Bashar Assad contends the famous photo of the shell-shocked, bloody Syrian boy who has come to symbolize the terrible state of Aleppo is forged.

    Ask Pelosi for comment.

    1. Soon coming to an American Doll store near you.

      1. so does that mean I can still dress up as Allepo Bomb Boy for halloween?

    2. “Syrian President Bashar Assad contends ….”

      I thought it was going to read that Syrian President Bashar Assad was groped by Trump several decades ago.

  4. A man found guilty of raping a teenage girl pulled out a razor and slit his own throat after the verdict was read in an Orange County, California, courtroom.

    So…time already served, then?

    1. Oh, the moron did it wrong and he’s still alive. I imagine he’s going to turn his life around in the clink.

      1. Oh, the moron did it wrong and he’s still alive

        What a shame

        1. They’ll finish him off in prison. They like to use child molesters for fuck dolls and punching bags. Twas prisoners that invented the infamous “donkey punch”, or at least they take credit for it.

      2. Yup.

        Also awesome that convict with slit throat can find his way to a hospital alive but Freddie Gray, guilty of nothing, can’t get to the station without severing his own spinal cord.

    2. But rest assured that the OC Sheriff’s Office (or whoever provides security there) is having a very, very bad day. LEO’s may be able to cover things up when they fuck over or endanger one of the little people. Not so much when their incompetence endangers judges.

    3. Given what we know about the Orange County Criminal Justice System (yes, the justice system in Orange County is criminal) I’m gonna want to see the tape before I’ll assume that that’s actually what happened and it wasn’t a member of the OC Sheriff’s Department or the prosecutor’s office that did the cutting.

      1. The OC Criminals know to cut lengthwise, not across.

        1. Silly penguin, everyone knows that is for wrists. Necks you can cut any which way.

  5. Syrian President Bashar Assad contends the famous photo of the shell-shocked, bloody Syrian boy who has come to symbolize the terrible state of Aleppo is forged.

    Those Russian hackers get around.

  6. Britain says will “man-mark” passing Russian warships

    The Norwegian military on Wednesday released pictures taken by surveillance aircraft of the fleet, which includes the aircraft carrier Admiral Kuznetsov and the Pyotr Velikiy battle cruiser, sailing in international waters.

    British defence minister Michael Fallon said the Royal Navy would be watching closely.

    “When these ships near our waters we will man-mark them every step of the way,” Fallon said. “We will be watching as part of our steadfast commitment to keep Britain safe.”

    1. See something, say something.

    2. Works better than zonal marking for sure.

      1. Which works less badly at sea: tiki taka, or catenaccio?

      2. Well, they did say the Russian ships were passing, not running.

    3. Man-mark? Is that like… watch with human assets? Or is that like counting coup?

      1. We call it a mushroom mark here.

        1. It is the British Navy.

      2. Pissing on them?

      3. Money shot?

      4. T-bag with an ink pad?

        1. the mental image of a dude trying to ink up his sac while his victim slumbers unsuspectingly nearby…

    4. One would think with the lack of any success of England in International Football, it might not be the best idea for the military to be taking cues from them.

  7. Alt text answer: Rich Corinthian Lecher

  8. He clarified that he will reserve the right to contest the election results if he deems them “questionable,” but will accept a “clear outcome.”

    What a monster! Horrifying!

  9. Police officer in Sherman Park shooting charged with sexual assault

    The Milwaukee police officer who fatally shot Sylville Smith in the Sherman Park neighborhood in August sat in a bar a day later, watching coverage of the violent unrest that followed and said he did “whatever (he) wanted without repercussions,” according to a criminal complaint charging the officer with sexual assault released Thursday.

    Officer Dominique Heaggan-Brown made those comments to a man Heaggan-Brown would sexually assault hours later after the man became heavily intoxicated, the complaint said.

    Heaggan-Brown, 24, is charged with two counts of felony second-degree sexual assault, and two counts of prostitution, a misdemeanor. He also is charged with one felony count of possessing or distributing a recording of nudity without consent.

    After the alleged assault on Aug. 14, Heaggan-Brown texted police Sgt. Joseph Hall, whom he considered a mentor: “Need your help big time? (Expletive) up big time? But need to handle this the most secret and right way possible,” according to the complaint.

    1. “right way” – coming forward and admitting guilt?

      1. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    2. Well damn.

    3. Charged is not tried. Tried is not convicted. Convicted is not final since there are appeals.

  10. A tenth woman has come forward claiming Trump touched her inappropriately.

    Too many to be a coincidence. Unlike the IRS email servers, only 7 of which broke.

    1. Are you sure about that?

      http://gotnews.com/breaking-ne…..lred-pawn/

      1. You know, I can take a lot of linking sins here, but linking to Chuck C. Johnson’s site is beyond the pale.

        1. you might say it was pretty shitty of him.

    2. Too many to be a coincidence. Unlike the IRS email servers, only 7 of which broke.

      The irony normalcy of an “Empowerment Guru For the Modern World” gaining notoriety as a sexual assault victim is too bizarre appropriate.

    3. Too many to be a coincidence. Unlike the IRS email servers, only 7 of which broke.

      Unlike the 9 blackberries the Hildog ‘lost’.

  11. Looks like there’s some shady/illegal shit going on with the DNC, the White House, and Hillary’s campaign.

    Not sure if Reason has seen this yet, but it looks like a big fucking deal.

    1. Not news worthy, yawn. Nothing to see here folks, move along.

        1. fake scandal

          1. What difference, at this point, doors it make?

            1. *Does. Jeebuz, what a stoopit fone

              1. For a second, I thought this was the liquid nitrogen-proof door thread down below

    2. If it’s O’Keefe they ain’t interested.

      1. Which I find completely inexplicable.

        1. It’s called media bias, they live by it. The 4th estate is corrupted. Get used to it. It will get worse before it gets better.

          1. “Media bias” is the constant manufactured outrage about every little thing Trump says.

            Ignoring a systematic criminal enterprise set up to fraudulently win an election is willful dereliction of their claimed duty.

            1. unless they’re part of that “systematic criminal enterprise set up to fraudulently win an election”

        2. There had to have been an order from above to ignore those O’Keefe videos. But who sent it?

          1. Lyndon LaRouche?

          2. There had to have been an order from above to ignore those O’Keefe videos.

            There’s no doubt about it any longer.

          3. Who ordered the CODE RED??!!!

          4. Michael Hihn. Shut up now bully or you will be disappeared. *giggles than cackles

          5. There had to have been an order from above to ignore those O’Keefe videos.

            On the Fifth Column this week Welch et al basically said that they think O’Keefe has no credibility. Of course, that reflects badly on Matt’s credibility since O’Keefe has video evidence.

            1. Jesse Walker responded to my question on one of his articles about it and said the same thing. He thinks the video evidence is irrelevant unless O’Keefe releases the full, unedited video…which isn’t a standard they seem to have held any other media outlet to, no matter how often NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, Fox, or whoever else get caught lying or selectively editing their stories. They don’t demand the full footage whenever they report on supposed gaffes by Trump.

              Not to mention that the reason O’Keefe isn’t releasing the raw footage is that he’s (quite openly) doing timed releases to keep the Clinton campaign on the defense to keep the scandals coming and to keep Clinton from being able to claim “old news”. I’m sure that the Reason writers (none of whom are Trump supporters) would love to be able to broadcast O’Keefe’s footage before he does. But since he’s not interested in helping them tank Trump, I suspect that’s why they’re ignoring his videos.

    3. Jesus, you’re like Robby and campus pearl clutching. Use some lube, man, you’ll chafe.

    4. Yep. I and others have posted stuff on that over the past week or so.

      1. Really? I hadn’t noticed.

    5. Oh god you’re going to post this again and again and again?

    6. Why have we not heard of this before now?

    7. Hi

    8. Between this and Rotherham, I guess the nice way to say it would be Reason only talks about it it everyone else is taking about it. Which also explains their flood of blog posts about Palin, Zimmerman, and Trump, over the years.

      1. Reason doesn’t even need marching orders. Voluntarily spiking stories is much more in the libertarian spirit

    9. Related:

      James O’Keefe Files FEC Complaint Against Clinton Campaign and DNC

      Submitted by Staff on Wed, 10/19/2016 – 19:33
      Following the release of two explosive undercover videos showing how the Clinton campaign and Democratic National Committee coordinated communications with the SuperPAC Priorities USA Action and various organizations, James O’Keefe and Project Veritas Action have filed a complaint with the Federal Elections Commission.

      1. Haha!

        So what happens if O’Keefe wins? Hillary goes to jail?

        If obstruction of justice and espionage (two crimes the FBI has written proof for) didn’t do it, does anyone believe this will do anything except get O’Keefe killed?

  12. …but will accept a “clear outcome.”

    I’m pretty sure it’s clear to everyone at this point but a few.

    1. Indiana voter registrations altered
      “Indiana’s chief elections official said Tuesday that thousands of voter registrations were altered, raising concerns about possible fraud and prompting her office to warn voters to check whether their information is correct online and vote early to avoid problems on election day.”

      1. Oh, I have absolutely no doubt voter fraud happens and it’s somewhat widespread. Partisans run the elections in every state and precinct. However, Trump is going to come in way outside the margin on this one.

        Apologies to any Trump supporters out there, but because of this fuckwit and the GOP primary voters who put him here, the supremely beatable Hillary Clinton and her slimy crew are going to be back in charge of things for the next four years.

        1. At least four years, Fisty.

        2. If every TV channel showed the O’Keefe videos — like they did with the grab by the pussy recording — Trump would be ahead now and outside the margin of voter fraud.

          1. I don’t know if those are salacious enough to get the attention of the electorate like pussy grabbing does. I also see the media treatment of Trump as not all that different from how they handle any other GOP candidate, which is to say always unfairly in comparison to the Democrat. Romney was painted as an extremist, for fuck sake.

            But Trump largely deserves it thanks to his past and present antics. His inexperience combined with his blustering attitude give cover to the press to ignore all of the very real Clinton scandals. This was the inevitable end to a Trump candidacy. ANYONE but him, despite being painted by the press as the second coming of Hitler, would have handed Clinton her final presidential defeat.

            1. His inexperience combined with his blustering attitude give cover to the press to ignore all of the very real Clinton scandals.

              Yes…if only he was a smooth, polished politician, like Jeb Bush or Mike Huckabee or Rand Paul, he’d totally be winning right now.

              How long did those guys last in the primary?

        3. the supremely beatable Hillary Clinton

          Assumes facts not in evidence. Any R candidate, or really any candidate that posed a threat to her, would have been successively torpedoed by the campaign and their media partners until she is victorious.

          1. I disagree. ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE ALERT: I speak to diehard Democrats who say they would have voted Jeb! in lieu of her. She’s a terrible candidate and all the GOP had to do was not nominate someone more unlikable, but they couldn’t even manage that. She’s a turd that couldn’t be shined, but she’s benefiting from people voting against Trump.

            1. They Lie, all of them. My proggie roommate was on the Kasich bandwagon and then it was all about how he “hated women”.

              No matter what the R is, they are always the second coming of Hitler. Remember Bush, McCain, and Romney. Romney was a freakin Boy Scout….

              1. Rule #13 for radicals: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it
                “One acts decisively only in the conviction that all angels are on one side and all the devils on the other. A leader may struggle toward a decision which is 52% positive and 48% negative, but once the decision is reached he must assume that his cause is 100% positive and the opposition 100% negative. Many liberals, during out attack on the then-school superintendent, were pointing out that after all he wasn’t a 100% devil, he was a regular churchgoer, he was a good family man, and he was generous in his contributions to charity. Can you imagine in the arena of conflict charging that so-and-so is a racist bastard and then diluting the impact of the attack with qualifying remarks such as “He is a good churchgoing man, generous to charity, and a good husband”? This becomes political idiocy.”

            2. Hah. Actually pulled a lever for a Bush over Clinton? Yeah right. If only the R’s nominated a reasonable candidate… (where reasonable means a Democrat candidate). Hear it every election as an excuse.

              The Clinton machine pretty much owns the Democratic establishment for years and is owed favors and loyalty through out the political establishment, and has its hooks into large swaths of other sectors. No way were they going to allow another upset like Obama pulled off.

              1. They were badmouthing Clinton pretty hard. They’re not that good at acting. Also, these aren’t progressive Democrats, these are the union variety.

            3. I speak to diehard Democrats who say they would have voted Jeb! in lieu of her.

              They’re lying to you. I speak to lots of Democrats who also claim they’d vote for Bush or Paul or Ted Cruz if they were running against Clinton now. When those candidates were actually in the race, those same Democrats were screaming about how each and every one of those candidates was pure evil.

              The only reason your friends are telling you they’d vote for Bush is because Bush isn’t in the race. If he was in the race, he’d be just another racist/sexist/misogynist Teathuglican that they’d never consider voting for. They just say stuff like that so you think they’re more open-minded than they are.

        4. It is so cute that you think the media wouldn’t do exactly the same think they are doing to Trump to any Republican nominee.

          1. Yeah, but just because the media wouldn’t attack other candidates doesn’t mean they’d turn up as much dirt. Think about Romney. The stuff they hit him with was relatively tame; he lost because he was an inferior copy of Obama. If he ran against Clinton he’d win by a landslide. Trump, on the other hand, can’t stop putting his foot in his mouth. If you watch South Park, I’d say their send-up of Trump is right on point.

            1. Yeah, but just because the media wouldn’t attack other candidates doesn’t mean they’d turn up as much dirt.

              When you see Trump actually legitimizing their attacks with every speech, every tweet, it makes it too easy. A man like Trump, who’s been a carefree gadfly as opposed to a disciplined politician all his life, is going to give plenty of ammunition to his opposition.

              And, hell, in the news media’s defense, casual or swing voters aren’t going to give two shits about stories having to do with an email server or pay to play when you have audio about grabbing pussy, even if they did report on them.

              Trump deserves to lose this election, and GOP voters deserve Clinton. Unfortunately, we’re all getting her.

            2. They portrayed Romney as a monster for having a dog carrier on his car. They don’t need meaningful dirt to smear Republicans.

              And after going through his accusers, I’m pretty firmly in the camp that Trump is telling the truth that the recent accusers are all making it up. It’s the epitome of a Clinton move.

          2. BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN. That was an actual thing. Yeah, they would.

        5. Totally. There were any number of alternatives that the Republicans could’ve nominated, but the party successfully shit all over its rank-and-file for so long that a majority of primary voters picked Donald Fucking Trump over anyone else. Think about that for a sec.

          Now they’re fucked for at least an election cycle. The party’s in complete disarray. If Trump wins, it’s the final nail in the coffin for the Republican establishment. The Chris Christies and Rudy Giulianis of the party will take over. If he loses, the non-Trump Republicans will never forgive the Trump supporters for costing them the election and letting Clinton take power.

          1. Wait. Chris Christie and Rudy Giuliani aren’t establishment Republicans? Huh?

        6. but because of this fuckwit, the GOP primary voters, and the DNC who put him here

          FIFY

          1. And Bill Clinton. Don’t forget ole Slick Willie.

      2. But remember – “only 13 verified cases of in-person voter fraud from 2000-2010.”

        1. More Indy news
          “Indiana State Police investigators on Tuesday searched a voter registration agency on Indianapolis’ north side as they look into a voter fraud case that spans nine counties.”

          This may be double-counting the story above

          1. Top 10 voter fraud list
            #6. Indiana voter fraud investigation grows to 56 counties.

  13. I can’t decide whether I should freak out more about the sexuality of the accused and victim, the career of the victim, or the accused’s taste in obsessions:

    Breaking Bad fanatic killed police officer and dissolved his body in a bath of acid after Grindr sex date, court hears

    1. Eh, the accused was Italian. You should probably worry the most about that.

      *hides from Rufus*

      1. We’re incorrigible even when innocent.

        1. What’s a matta wit youse, eh?

          1. TOO MUCH RICOTTA!

            1. I love to mix my ricotta with cottage cheese when I make my lasagna. Is that a cardinal sin? I also put zucchini, mushrooms, eggplant & a few other veggies in it too…
              I miss pasta dammit. But my beetus is under control. Dammit.

              1. The cottage cheese is the cardinal sin part.

                WTF?

                I do make a low carb lasagna with just zucchini and eggplant slices replacing the pasta altogether. Sweet italian and hot italian sausage, a little ground beef, layer up the veggies ricotta, mozzarella – It’s awesome.

              2. My mom made lasagna with half cottage cheese when I was growing up (I suppose she still does). It is perfectly acceptable, healthier, and lighter.

            2. TOO MUCH RICOTTA!

              I’m sorry ? “too much ricotta,” indeed, any variant of “too much cheese,” simply makes no sense.

              Try again.

              1. It makes sense, it’s just redundant. ANY cheese is too much cheese.

                1. You’re dead to me.

                2. Cheese is awesome. Now, go stand in the corner and think about what you just said.

  14. ?A tenth woman has come forward claiming Trump touched her inappropriately.

    Yet the media remains silent about the very credible rape allegations that Rufus, I, and others have leveled against Hillary.

    1. That was legitimate rape. Put some ice on that and move on already

  15. B.C. NDP promises child care for $10 a day

    NDP leader John Horgan said the measures would counteract years of under-funding by the B.C. Liberals.

    Horgan pointed out wait lists are reaching dire lengths, noting in Vancouver some daycares already up to 3,000 children on their wait list.

    Because price caps have always worked to reduce wait lists in the past.

    1. It’s just those greedy companies who REFUSE to not be greedy and put KIDS before PROFITS. It’s THEY that are ripping us off and causing a shortage…

      Do leftists have *any* critical thinking skills?

    2. “When people say they can’t afford to have children, I think that’s something we should act upon,” he said.

      That’a something that someone should act upon.

    3. These people truly are retarded.

      Quebec’s $7 is an expensive, chaotic mess. And filled with stupidity and corruption.

      1. $7 a day daycare that is.

        1. Which, at least until the oil-price crash, was being subsidized heavily by Albertans via interprovincial transfers.

    4. Whom are they going to force to provide the care?

    5. You know who else offered really cheap child care for certain people on a list?

      1. HBO’s Fraggle Rock?

        1. Dance your blues away…

      2. DCFS?

      3. (((Renegade)))? I feel slimy using the parenthesis.

    6. And then in come in the fucken unions with all their bull shit that taxpayers have to cover.

      $10 a day comes out to really closer to $80 (which is the norm anyway). Because government.

  16. Sotomayor on Scalia: ‘If I Had a Baseball Bat, I Might Have Used It’

    I’ve told people there are things he said on the bench when if I had a baseball bat, I might have used it,” Sotomayor said, prompting laughter. “But when you work so intimately with people, you get to know the really personal good side of them.”

    If I had a baseball bat, I’d bat in the morning, I’d bat in the evening, all over Scalia’s head.

    1. There are many ways to use a baseball bat for pleasure. I wonder which sense is being referred to here.

    2. He would’ve mopped the floor with you, not so wise latina.

    3. And how would you use it on Sonia?

  17. Seattle teachers all wear BLM shirts. http://www.seattletimes.com/se…..-to-class/

    Oh so if they really do, then that means they support Charter Schools and Vouchers, right?

    Yeah… Go Fuck Yourselves.

    1. Oh so if they really do, then that means they support Charter Schools and Vouchers, right?

      BLMBTUMM – Black Lives Matter But Teachers’ Union Matters More

    2. The Bureau of Land Management has strong support in Seattle.

      1. [golf clap]

    3. But those Texas cops better not be wearing Trump hats.

  18. You know, with women coming out of the woodwork years after the fact over and over again, I’m beginning to suspect some are lying. This goes even for Clinton.

    1. Why, that would mean that some people, even some women, have a sort of narcissistic personality that tries to draw attention to themselves by insinuating themselves in a larger story that has the public’s interest. I’m pretty sure that’s just a male trait. Woman hater.

    2. Which Clinton? You’ll have to be a bit more specific, Prol’L Dib.

      1. Bill, but this goes for Thomas, Trump, and Cosby, too. And if you’re not careful, you might learn something, hey, hey, hey.

  19. Half-Headed Miami Man Facing Arson, Attempted Murder Charges

    A Miami man famous for missing half of his head is facing arson and attempted murder charges for allegedly setting his mattress on fire.
    Carlos Rodriguez, 31, was arrested Monday on one count of first-degree arson and two counts of attempted felony murder, according to an arrest report.
    Florida Police Officer Arrested on 2nd DUI Charge
    Rodriguez appeared in bond court Tuesday but the public defender representing him asked for the hearing to be reset for Wednesday, saying Rodriguez may have some “mental issues.”

    1. Harvey Dent?

      No, I’m not clicking to find out.

      1. No, click. Its just weird. He could have made a good living in a freak show a century ago. Now he’s on his own and making poor decisions.

        1. Well, he’s missing or damaged the same section of brain that Phineas Gage lost. And after his accident, Gage pretty much lost any sense of morality or self control.

          1. Not surprising at all, actually. Frontal lobe and cortex contains the area responsible for behavioural inhibition, especially speech filtres. It’s why when inebriated, inhibition tends to go out the window along with the windsheets.

            Also true of people with dementia, Alzheimer’s in particular, since the areas responsible for inhibition atrophy; I can remember quite a few dementia patients who seemed like just the sweetest little granny, but as soon as they opened their mouths, sweet little gammy was a Exorcist-level, foul-mouthed, handsy racist with little impulse control.

              1. Huh. Can’t post that, I guess.

                1. Lemme try this:

          2. Well, he’s missing or damaged the same section of brain that Phineas Gage lost. And after his accident, Gage pretty much lost any sense of morality or self control.

            I’m beginning to wonder about this. Not that I don’t think Gage acted differently but that I’m fairly certain that if you put the above specimen in the hands of Ph.D. Psychologist with unfettered access to a PET scanner that, within a year, he’d be able to differentially diagnose everything from Alzheimers and agoraphobia to homosexuality and handedness in any animal that walked on two legs and had a brain.

            I could see how, after taking a tamping rod through your skull, you blank out a bit on whether you’ve paid for something or introduced yourself properly and, after awhile, you end up as the guy who always flies off the handle because you got blown up. I’m still flummoxed about how 90+% of the coal industry didn’t and doesn’t perpetually suffer from PTSD.

  20. A U.S. service member was killed by an improvised explosive device in northern Iraq near Mosul.

    Boots from the ground?

  21. A U.S. service member was killed by an improvised explosive device in northern Iraq near Mosul.

    Can’t be. America isn’t at war in Iraq. Probably Russian propaganda.

    1. Checks to see if link is to RT…

  22. Nassau Co. executive Ed Mangano, wife, Oyster Bay supervisor indicted in federal bribery probe

    Among other things, the indictment alleges a businessman-restaurateur who got “lucrative” government contracts paid Linda Mangano more than $450,000 “for performing little or no work.”

    Authorities allege that Edward Mangano and Venditto schemed “to solicit bribes and kickbacks” from the businessman. The charges include bribery, wire fraud, extortion and conspiracy to obstruct justice. If convicted, they could face up to 20 years in prison.

    They said the illegal perks included hotel and travel expenses; limousine services; a massage chair; an expensive watch; and hardwood flooring at the Manganos’ home.

    Federal investigators have been probing Mangano’s connection to two contracts awarded to the businessman-restaurateur. One provided $237,000 worth in food to workers in the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy. The other supplied bread and rolls to the Nassau County jail in June 2012.

    “Ed Mangano, Linda, and John Venditto lied about their conduct to investigators fanning flames that were too hard to contain,” said William Sweeney, Jr., FBI.

    You best not fan flames in front of the FBI.

    1. Good thing lying to federal investigators is a crime that is relentlessly and uniformly prosecuted.

      1. Only for the little people, PB.

        1. Word.

        2. I keep hearing this, but Hillary is only like, what, 5’4″?

    2. I drove past NYC today. I heard that story every 22 minutes.

  23. …the United Kingdom will remain a solid trading partner with the European Union even after leaving the coalition.

    What’s British for no fucking shit?

    1. The only thing the UK exported that other people wanted was Top Gear and the BBC destroyed that.

      1. People seem to like that tiny Range Rover.

      2. Doctor Who

    2. What’s British for no fucking shit?

      Assuming you’re using ‘fucking’ as an American derogatory rather than a British pleasantry, I’d have to go with; “Quite.”

    1. More of a spreadsheet full of women, really. Barry is up with today’s modern technologies.

    2. Who the heck is “Bob Ama”? Or is is “Boba Ma”?

      1. I think he’s a leppo.

        1. heh

      2. Yoyo Ma’s lesser known brother. He invented Boba tea after making ear plugs out of tapioca starch to withstand Yoyo Ma’s incessant cello playing when they were sharing an apartment in college.

    3. “We have longer lists, but these are candidates whose names have been recommended by a number of sources for senior level jobs in a potential Administration.”

      Social engineering right there folks.

      Commies sure love lists.

    4. “Where the white wimmen at?”

    5. Social progress means choosing people on the basis of their race or gender with disregard for merit.

  24. Alternate Alt Text: Lights Ken Signal

    1. Is there some shit eating going on?

  25. Signing him up as a Reason commenter even now:

    WikiLeaks reveals Barack Obama’s personal email address
    Even a president-elect needs to send email. And as a result of the stolen email messages released by WikiLeaks, we now know what President Barack Obama’s email address was during the presidential transition at the end of the 2008 campaign: bobama@ameritech.net….

    1. You doxxing the Prez? Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…(takes breath)…eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

    2. bo nanna fanna fofama
      bobama

    3. I love that our technologically savvy, ultra-smart (or so I’ve been told) president uses whatever shitty email service his ISPs provides.

  26. Man Sits Next to a Duck on His Plane, Live Tweets the Whole Thing

    Recently, Twitter user Mark Essig was surprised to learn that an emotional support duck would be riding next to him on his flight from Charlotte to Asheville. Here are a few tweets from the adventure?

    How cute. It is wearing a little diaper.

    1. Emotional support animals are stuffed animals for “grown-ups.”

      1. When my wife was at the social security office registering her name change, she encountered someone with a dog wearing a vest that said “PTSD support dog”. The dog was a Pomeranian.

        My wife now tells people she has a terrible case of PTSD and needs a support Pomeranian too.

        1. And while there may be some severely emotionally-damaged individuals who really need fluffy with them at all times to get through the day, for each of them there are another 99 individuals falsely claiming that. Just like those handicapped parking spots – most of those are occupied by perfectly able-bodied family members.

          1. I’m just waiting on pins and needles for the first Florida Man claim that a ball python and a baby gator as service animals.

          2. Or the guy dragging the completely untrained rottweiler on the an airplane because it’s a service dog…

            1. My wife said the Pomeranian was very poorly trained. As in it was dragging the poor woman around. My wife also told me that the woman was clearly emotionally disabled. It was apparently quite pitiful.

    2. I wonder if they served quackers during the flight?

    3. How messed up is somebody who needs emotional support from a duck?

      1. My hot, but hard-of-hearing therapist misunderstood what I told her would make me feel better.

    4. “Excuse me, but why is this asshole sitting in my seat?”

      “What? This duck? I’ve a ticker right here for him! He’s my service animal!”

      “I was talking to the duck, asshole!”

      Also, does the duck need to listen to Safety Lecture, since he can fly if there’s a sudden change in cabin pressure, and is quite buoyant in the event of a water landing?

      1. I know you’ll never see this GM but you made me laugh out loud.

        … Hobbit

    5. Hammer: Now, here is a little peninsula, and, eh, here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
      Chico: Why a duck?
      Hammer: I’m alright, how are you? I say, here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
      Chico: Alright, why a duck?
      Hammer: (pause) I’m not playing “Ask Me Another,” I say that’s a viaduct.
      Chico: Alright! Why a duck? Why that…why a duck? Why a no chicken?
      Hammer: Well, I don’t know why a no chicken; I’m a stranger here myself. All I know is that it’s a viaduct. You try to cross over there a chicken and you’ll find out why a duck.
      Chico: When I go someplace I just…
      Hammer: (interrupts) It’s…It’s deep water, that’s why a duck. It’s deep water.
      Chico: That’s why a duck…
      Hammer: Look…look, suppose you were out horseback riding and you came to that stream and you wanted to ford over…You couldn’t make it, it’s too deep!
      Chico: Well, why do you want with a Ford if you gotta horse?
      Hammer: Well, I’m sorry the matter ever came up. All I know is that it’s a viaduct.
      Chico: Now look, alright, I catch ona why a horse, why a chicken, why a this, why a that…I no catch ona why a duck.
      Hammer: I was only fooling…I was only fooling. They’re gonna build a tunnel there in the morning. Now is that clear to you?
      Chico: Yes, everything excepta why a duck.

    6. It is wearing a little diaper.

      How else is he supposed to smuggle his explosives aboard the flight? All those ducks slamming themselves against Western Oppressors shiny buildings and towering windmills will not have died in vane!

      Seriously, after seeing this, I can only assume there’s a jihadi out there somewhere trying to get a duck to swallow a remote detonator.

  27. Reworking Malachi 2:16 for our feminist era (part 2).
    God has equipped every woman with a marriage manual in her heart, designed to instruct her husband in how to meet her unique needs.

    ?It is very simple. When your wife’s marriage manual points out that you have violated her in some way, your job is to hear her heart and accept what it is that your personal marriage manual is saying to you. Your wife may not have a clue as to how to handle the household checkbook. She may not have a clue as how to run a lawnmower. What she does have is that unique marriage manual in her heart for your marriage which is given to her from God. The way that a man becomes the man that God has called him to be is to become the husband his wife needs him to be. The only way to become the husband our wife needs us to be is to read our personal marriage manual. How do read that marriage manual? We listen to her heart.

    1. “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,”[e] says the Lord Almighty.

      So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

      The original (NIV) for comparison.

      1. Yes, God hates divorce. But that is NOT the central message of Malachi 2.

        The REAL message of Malachi 2 has been totally ignored.

        “Men, quit all of your praying, crying and giving offerings. I am not receiving them from you. Why? Because you have dealt treacherously with your wife. You deal treacherously with your wife and then you end up divorced. This is bad. Why? Because I, God hate divorce. So, quit dealing treacherously with your wives.”

        1. 2:16, your link didnt mention the rest.

          1. If you had wanted me to look at 1-15 and 17+, you should have mentioned that in the link title.

      2. Technically, isn’t the original ancient Hebrew?

        1. Yes, hence the NIV in parens.

          Translation of the original…or, more likely, as close to the original as survived to be translated.

    1. I’ve seen Mecha-Streisand, but now we’re on to Meta-Streisand. The world gets weirder all the time.

    2. So what is everyone protesting in France? I mean, not the cops, but the other protesters?

    1. Are you negging some Neanderthals broads right now?

    2. Neanderthal chicks are just mopeds.

      1. *like

        Dammit, Reason, it’s 2016. I would be happy to write the code for comment editing functionality. Seriously. Call me.

        1. * notices neither a phone number nor a link in handle. Concludes confusing French handle guy doesn’t really want job.

          I’ll do it for twice as much.

  28. Think Progress, 2023: If you don’t support the repeal of the 22nd Amendment, you are sexist.

    1. You think Hillary will be alive and still hold the office in 2024? Egad.

  29. Statement from Indiana State Police Superintendent Doug Carter Regarding Possible Voter Fraud

    Hm. For some reason (drink!) it won’t let me copy/paste text.

    The gist: apparently there is some jiggery-pokery wrt voter registration in Indiana.

    I didn’t know that there was even the possibility of voter fraud in these United States. /sarc

  30. The Media Will Learn to Love Trump in Due Time
    He is the worst major-party candidate in history.

    He’s a gaffe machine. He’s an evil racist who wants to return black people to slavery.

    He’s a brutal sexist who wants to return women to the subservience of the 1950s.

    He’s a nasty warmonger who doesn’t get the fundamental intricacies of modern foreign policy, with the Manichean worldview to match. He’s an old homophobe with a history of cruelty to workers.

    Think we’re talking about Donald Trump?

    No, we’re talking about Mitt Romney circa 2012….

    1. I can’t wait til the 2020 election, when the GOP nominee is criticized as being this terrible candidate worse than Trump.

      1. Only two more weeks and we can start talking about it.

      2. In all seriousness, this will happen in just 4 years. The only way it won’t happen if Trump is elected this time.

        It’s not even hard to imagine how it will play out. Many positions that Trump holds are closer to the ones supported by the Democrats. It would be very easy to say about a more typical GOP candidate that here or there he is much more “extreme” or “conservative” than Trump.

      3. They’ll act like the 2020 nominee is Trump, no matter who the nominee is.

  31. File Under = “Jesus Christ Pose”
    Obama Suggests the ACA Will Succeed When He’s Gone
    – It has been stymied, you see, because of GOP racist obstruction

    I am pretty sure there was weeping in the audience, and people crying “DONT LEAVE US”, and he shed a tear while smiling, saying, “Alas, my time here is done”, at which point he dissolved in a shimmering light, and a flock of white doves took wing

    1. All this time, he was the magic negro, Bagger Vance?

    2. He is more delusional than Hillary

    3. Maybe now that I’m leaving office, maybe Republicans can stop with the 60-something repeal votes they’ve taken and stop pretending that they have a serious alternative … and just work with the next president to smooth out the kinks,” he said in a speech at Miami Dade College.

      “They can even change the name of the law to Reagancare, or Paul Ryan care,” Obama said, evoking the name of the Republican speaker of the House of Representatives. “I don’t care. I just want it to work.”

      “I think the piece of Obamacare that people don’t like is Obama,” Kathleen Sebelius, Obama’s former Health and Human Services secretary, who oversaw the program’s launch, said in an interview. “This has become a very personal battle about this president, which is I think really unfortunate.”

      I like especially how the piece avoids any mention of the complete failure of the rollout, which took nearly a year to get a functional *website*, the fiscal collapse of the state-exchanges, which have nothing to do with Federal “fixes”, or the myriad other failures of the law which had nothing to do with any Obama-animus

      1. Yeah, even if you call it PPACA, people still hate it.

      2. Yeah, even if you call it PPACA, people still hate it.

        1. When I was in The States, at every hospital, without exception, you could instantly tell who supported the law by how the referred to it. In favour (exceptions being in-house counsel), called it, “PPACA,” whereas those against it called it, “ObamaCare,” (or Mike M. levels worse).

          The vast majority of nurses called it the former, whilst most doctors and Allied Health practitioners referred to it as the latter.

          1. I left the rarefied air of healthcare a few years ago, but I do remember our hospital CEO was a big Obama supporter, often “name dropping” that his son worked for the campaign. He griped that people weren’t giving Oh-care a chance… all while our hospital hemorrhaged money to the tune of a few million a month.

            I hear he retired earlier this year.

            Not Obama, but the CEO.

            Because Obama’s still in the white house. Just need to be clear about that.

            1. *checks watch
              Really? I’d have thought he’d clocked out and gone to the pub by now. Milking that OT, huh?

      3. And don’t forget the… ahem… highly irregular… method by which it was passed.

    4. Is that what it looks like when doves fly?

  32. Another Day, Another New York Politician Prosecuted for Corruption

    *Apparently other DAs felt Preet was hogging all the headlines, so now its open-season.

    1. Robert Capers, U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of New York.

      Hmm, irony. It’s what’s for dinner. With capers.

    2. “”Public corruption wastes countless tax dollars every year, threatens the credibility of governmental institutions, and opens the door for further criminal activity,” said William Sweeney, FBI assistant director in charge.”

      Unless thy last name be Clinton of course and then it’s just a vast right wing conspiracy.

  33. “A tenth woman has come forward claiming Trump touched her inappropriately.”

    Not that anyone seems to care, but a seventeenth victim has come forward to me claiming that Hillary Clinton groped him inappropriately.

  34. Even When You Win, You Lose

    FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) ? A man who won a $23 million lawsuit against a Florida sheriff’s office this year after being shot by a deputy and paralyzed has been arrested on charges that he sold heroin, marijuana and cocaine near a preschool.

    The Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office announced the arrest of 23-year-old Dontrell Stephens on its Facebook page Thursday. The sheriff’s office did not provide immediate details.

    Not clear if he was slanging before or after the cops paralyzed him for life. Drug-dealing from a wheelchair seems… awkward.

  35. File under bad ideas:

    Man has penis amputated after getting it stuck for FOUR days in bottle he used as sex toy

    A man who used a plastic bottle as a sex toy and got his penis stuck in it for four days has had to have it amputated.

    In lieu of a woman, the inventive man thought the drinks container would be the next best thing .

    But the embarrassed 50-year-old left it four days before seeking medical help.

    This caused it to suffer necrosis – a type of injury which causes cells to die.

    By the time he reached the hospital – with bottle still attached – the penis had turned black and had started to decay.

    1. FTA: “… but he will never be able to have sex again”.
      “Again”? Are we sure about that part?

    2. Um, you’d think it wouldn’t be too hard to cut through plastic before cutting through penis.

      1. You missed this part:

        By the time he reached the hospital the penis had turned black and had started to decay.

    3. This is like something out of SF slashfic.

      1. Scarier, IMO, because it leaves the soul-sucking pseudo-sexual existential blackness up to the reader (If your hygiene is such that your penis becomes gangrenous in days, do you get a prosthesis? Do condoms enhance the feeling of sex with a plastic penis and a plastic vagina?) and lends plausibility to the more phantasmagorical aspects of SF’s writing.

    4. Stuck in a plastic bottle. This sounds fake. Even a dumbass semi-retarded homeless guy could get out of that.

      1. “You couldn’t cut your penis out of a plastic bottle!”

  36. BAD BABYSITTER

    Kansas man gets probation in octopus-in-throat case

    Lesson = Don’t take 2yr olds out for Sushi

    1. Lesson = Don’t go to Sushi in Kansas.

      1. Yeah, that was my second thought. I felt icky doing it in Nashville, but the owners assured me it was flown in every other day.

  37. Hillary Clinton is such a nasty woman.

  38. So, denver meet up to plan for the apocalypse?

    1. If you have to run east and go by St. Louis, bring plenty of weed for trade purposes. Just light up a doob and I’ll find you.

      1. I dont know. To the east is DC. Thats a bad idea. But to the west is California.

        1. Illinois is the California of the flyover states.

            1. Try living here.

    2. Ok. Election night blowout? Where? I’m currently sans vehicle, so the city is bestest for me, unless someone wants to be designated driver. I’ll volunteer for designated drinker.

  39. I saw the latest Chapman article. I wonder if the rest of the staff is in any way embarrassed by Chapman. The guy seems to exist to affirm every slur hurled at the staff I wonder if Welch or someone has ever taken him aside and told him “of course you are a Progressive we all are. But could you please try to be less obvious about it?”

    1. Media is no longer embarrassed, you have to respect your readers before they can shame you.

      1. True enough. And only people with no other job prospects and nowhere else to go become journalists. So they really can’t afford to have any shame or integrity

        1. relevant, probably don’t listen if kids are around though.

          Journalists with their constant lying, omitting news about Hillary, etc, are making me want to vote for Trump just to rebuke them. I’ll still vote LP just because, well, somebody’s gotta.

          1. That, right there is a five-star link. It starts with a relevant topic of people with no other job prospects, and ends up with Milton Friedman. Good work!

            1. Hmm, didn’t click, just assumed it was J Giels band “Dirty Laundry”.

  40. Trump Derangement Syndrome:

    Woman mistakes town meeting for Donald Trump rally and smears 30 cars with smooth peanut butter in protest

    A woman was arrested on Monday after allegedly smearing peanut butter on 30 cars parked outside what she believed was a pro-Donald Trump rally.

    Christina Ferguson was arrested in Amherst Junction, Wisconsin after interrupting what turned out to be a meeting of a local environmental organisation, Tomorrow River Conservation Club.

    Witnesses claimed the 32-year-old entered the meeting at 9:30pm holding a “family-size jar of low-sodium, creamy natural Jif” peanut butter, shouting about how much she hated the Republican candidate.

    1. ugh. Jif. I just can’t even.

          1. Ive used, never bought.

            1. Kraft peanut butter or GTFO.

              1. My wife runs store-bought peanut butter through the blender. It comes out with the consistency of marshmallow fluff. Incredible.

    2. One thing we can be sure about is that the woman was not hired by the Hillary operatives. Those guys are professional.

    3. These people always manage to look as crazy as their behavior.

      1. Alcohol and political passion. A dangerous mixture.

        Preach, wanderingone56!

    4. “Peanut buttering is better than firebombing, and Trump plans on firebombing everybody in other countries,” Ms Ferguson reportedly said.

      That picture….

      ….she’s 32? she looks 60

      1. Yeah, she’s perfect – your point?

      2. Right!? I’m 38 and I look like I could be her son.

      3. Gotta love the “Hillary is the peace candidate” people.

        1. Hillary is deffinetely the peace candidate. She’s sorry for voting for the Iraq war, but sorry doesn’t fix PTSD, lost limbs, and those who died while being engaged in protracted conflict caused by politicians and special interest that Obama has continued, and Hillary was still part of as SOS.

      4. That’s a hard 32.

        This may explain why.

        The complaint claimed Ms Ferguson smelt strongly of alcohol and her blood alcohol level was 0.218, more than twice the legal limit for driving.

      5. Veganism-induced malnutrition, straight up.

    5. She looks like an early-stage meth addict

    6. Conservation/conservative. Spelling is just the white patriarchy controlling the nativity.

  41. Screw this. I’m going to hang out with the concubine, who pets a porcupine that drinks fine wine, holding up a “pimp me” sign while dancing around in a conga line.

    1. Typical Thursday night?

    2. Fine.

  42. A tenth woman has come forward claiming Trump touched her inappropriately.

    Said this yesterday, but I think Bill Cosby was a trial balloon.

    1. Herman Cain was, actually. He was, at one time, ahead of Flopney, and like Troomp, a political neophyte who had never before held elected office. Gloria Allred was all over the place on that one, too. As soon as he dropped out, everyone went away and nothing else happened.

  43. Today, a woman came in to my shop. She was dragging a rolling suitcase behind her, and a babushka. The conversation was odd at first, she aaked if we knew donald trumps email. Soon after she said “i KNOW you have it! I want to send him this personal email!!” We told her we didn’t have it, jut maybe she could google some sort of contact info for his business. “I dont use the internet!”
    I think she asked every business in the center.

    I dont know what this means, just had to share.

    1. Check the suitcase. Any fuses?

      1. And make her lie to the TSA?

    2. Crazy isn’t a river in Egypt.

      1. Working in security means i get a lot of crazies.
        We had one man put 2 high security deadbolts on all his doors. It wasnt enough, you see. There were still people who were breaking into his house while he took showers. The burglars would not steal anything, only polish his guitars.

        Another lady had angry neighbors who made her phone jacks ring. They were engineers, and they were angry at her because they wanted to expand into her condo. They would only strike between midnight and 3am.

        1. Ive also been asked to provide a lock impervious to liquid nitrogen.

          1. I hope you supplied one, cleverly disguised to look EXACTLY like a regular lock.

            1. I can’t stop laughing now. That would have been great.

          2. Do you have lock impervious to sonic screwdrivers?

                1. Theyre afraid people will take everything that isn’t bolted down.

          3. …a lock impervious to liquid nitrogen.

            “That’s some next-level shit right there.”

            1. I had no response for him. I cant even understand how he got to that situation in his head.

              1. The hard part is explaining that although you have this $1000 lock, the door that is also liquid nitrogen proof is like, $10000

        2. Have a resident who lives on the top floor. The roof, like the floors below, is pre-formed concrete slab. She was absolutely convinced that the Mexicans upstairs were coming through the ceiling and wiping buggers on her walls.
          Last time I was in that unit, she had covered the ceiling with lathe (chicken wire), and orange fire-resistant expanding spray foam insulation.
          Do I win?

  44. British Prime Minister Theresa May says the United Kingdom will remain a solid trading partner with the European Union even after leaving the coalition.

    Even with all the racism?

    1. Wait, what are they trading?

  45. Answer to Scott’s alt-text: Corinthian leather.

  46. You don’t need to put your boots on the ground to die.

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