A.M. Links: Michelle Obama vs. Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton 'Can't Recall' Details in Email Testimony, New Secretary-General Appointed at U.N.

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    Why "Republican insiders are rapidly losing confidence in Donald Trump's ability to win their states."

  • Michelle Obama: Donald Trump's "bragging about sexually assaulting women" is below "basic standards of human decency."
  • "Hillary Clinton said under oath in a court filing Thursday that she can't recall key details about her use of a private email server or she refused to answer questions about it posed by a conservative legal group."
  • Dozens of religious leaders are speaking out against the "demeaning and troubling rhetoric" in private emails sent by members of the Hillary Clinton campaign that have been made public by Wikileaks.
  • The Justice Department will start collecting nationwide information on police shootings and the deaths of suspects in police custody.
  • Antonio Guterres, the former prime minister of Portugal, has been appointed as the new secretary-general of the United Nations.

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NEXT: When It Comes to Unauthorized Pawing, Does Trump Have a Reputation to Damage?

Damon Root is a senior editor at Reason and the author of A Glorious Liberty: Frederick Douglass and the Fight for an Antislavery Constitution (Potomac Books).

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  1. Why “Republican insiders are rapidly losing confidence in Donald Trump’s ability to win their states.”

    It’s a mystery.

    1. straffinrun

      Something told me Eddie would beat you today.

      1. Why, what has FoE done?

        1. straffinrun

          Those leaks weren’t by this fist but were slammed by the Clinton machine fist. You’d be right to be angry.

          1. The leaks about how FoE “earned” the right to make the first reply to any given *Reason* post?

            1. straffinrun

              C’mon. You’re gonna get coy with the links now? You’ve got the Clinton machine in your sights and have the shot. Take it. They deserve it.

              1. (see below)

                (or see this link)

                1. straffinrun

                  The sheer number of insults in the email trove has left the Clinton campaign… unable or unwilling to respond.

                  Interesting way to say “stonewall.”

            2. AlmightyJB

              Money talks, bullshit walks.

              1. The link above was headlined “Clinton campaign mocks Catholics, Southerners, ‘needy Latinos’ in emails”

                1. Reposted below – it’s really non-surprising, but for the sort of people who associate Democrats with inclusion, tolerance, etc., it would qualify as news.

              2. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

                But they can’t touch my Three-Lock Box.

        2. Citizen X

          +1 bastinado

    2. Because they’re low-energy loser cucks, duh.

    3. Rufus The Monocled

      Hello.

      Looks like you people don’t need me.

      1. We don’t need you now more than ever.

  2. Michelle Obama: Donald Trump’s “bragging about sexually assaulting women” is below “basic standards of human decency.”

    Where does that leave sexual assault itself?

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      It’s all about the optics, FoE.

    2. Bee Tagger

      On the outside looking in and … baby, it’s cold outside.

      1. DenverJ

        Oh poor thing. Don’t worry, you’ll find someone to sexually assault, someday.

    3. WTF

      Hillary attacking and smearing Bill’s victims of actual sexual assault and rape is totally okay. Because vagina, or intersectionality, or something.

      1. AlexInCT

        I thought that was because Bill played for the right team, according to the people that get mad at this sort of thing, and at least provided lip service to that team’s agenda. neither the crime, or the severity of the crime, or for that matter even if there is a crime committed, matters as much as what team the accused perp plays for. And if the accused perp plays for the wrong team, the very accusation is enough to warrant blood. Otherwise, excuses.

        Does that make sense?

    4. Scarecrow & WoodChipper Repair

      In Bill Clinton’s White House.

      The sheer hypocrisy of Clintons-then vs Clintons-now, and all the Clinton-apologists and Clinton-impeachers then vs Trump-bashers and Trump-apologists now, disgusts me. It ranks right up there with the rich who can afford armed bodyguards and want to ban guns for those who must protect themselves, or want free speech for themselves but not for those who disagree with them.

    5. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      Where does that leave sexual assault itself?

      That’s fine, so long as you lie about it under oath, get your wife to lie about it and destroy the reputations of your victims, and make vague gestures about being a supporter of “women.”

      1. WTF

        Oh, and have a “D” after your name.

        1. That’s sine qua non.

        2. CatoTheChipper

          Which is precisely why the Democrat media have not brought up Trump’s repeated visits to Epstein’s “Pedophile Island”.

          If Bill were not also a repeated visitor, the Epstein’s victims would be interviewed on everything from ET and TMZ to the PBS News Hour and Charlie Rose.

    6. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

      Where does that leave sexual assault itself?

      Hanging out with Bill Clinton…

  3. Just a thought not a sermon

    Doing a little research on Nobel Prize winners and came across this: “The work won [Niels] Bohr a Nobel prize in 1922. For his achievements, Carlsberg brewery gave Bohr a special gift: a house with a pipeline connected to its brewery next door, thus providing him with free beer for life.”

    1. Citizen X

      Now THAT is a prize.

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      Now that’s awesome.

    3. That makes learning Math fun!

    4. If he’d been forced to choose, the Nobel Committee would have gotten that medal back in the mail really quickly…

    5. But they cut him off when he got so drunk that he started babbling about string theory.

      1. WTF

        That explains a lot, actually.

    6. (((Renegade)))

      “What exactly did he do?”

    7. Cynical Asshole

      Further evidence that people used to be a lot less of sticks in the mud 80-90 years ago.

      1. Juice

        In Europe maybe. Remember what was going on in the US regarding alcohol in 1922?

    8. It’s no mere taproom from the look of it.

  4. Just a thought not a sermon

    It’s 9:02, only 3 hours til American Socialist comes in here and gets the last word!

    1. straffinrun

      I thought Hihn was the worst dead thread fucker.

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        The old Universal and Hammer horror films always show two creepy and slow-witted gravediggers working together.

        1. So did *Hamlet.*

        2. You can’t have dialog if there’s only one person in the scene – then it’s monologue.

          1. straffinrun

            You’re asking for a sternly worded soliloquy.

            1. No one’s listening.

      2. Do you mean Michael Hihn or Michae| Hihn, they’re different, you know.

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          None of the fake Michaels ever come in late enough for proper necrophilia.

          If you go back and look a thread with a string of Hihn responses, the last one is always real.

      3. WTF

        They’ve gotten me to the point where I sometimes check dead threads just so I can corpse-fuck their corpse-fucking.

        1. Cynical Asshole

          It’s thread necrophilia all the way down.

          1. PurityDiluting

            They may think that they are getting in final comment, but they receive silence in reply

            1. What good is making the last noise if no one hears it?

      4. Trigger Hippie

        Dead Thread Fuckers Incorporated!!!

      5. Derp-o-Matic 5000

        Hihn fucks actual corpses. He said so himself a few days ago.

        1. WTF

          By this point I believe Hihn is practically an actual corpse himself.

        2. Citizen X

          To be fair, pretty much everyone else in his age bracket has been dead for decades.

    2. SugarFree

      “The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles.”

      1. Citizen X

        That fucking guy.

  5. Bee Tagger

    Why “Republican insiders are rapidly losing confidence in Donald Trump’s ability to win their states.”

    I can only assume they’re recently unfrozen caveman republican insiders.

  6. “Hillary Clinton said under oath in a court filing Thursday that she can’t recall key details about her use of a private email server or she refused to answer questions about it posed by a conservative legal group.”

    She has brain issues. Give her a break!

    1. Rich

      Trump should really push this.

      The stuff she “can’t recall” doesn’t pass the laugh test.

      1. WTF

        Nobody would care, and the media won’t cover it. Because Trump said pussy.

      2. Why would anyone plead the 5th when you can just say “I don’t remember anything, ever.”

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          Because not just anyone can do that.

        2. AlexInCT

          Heck of a defense mechanism that is…

    2. Cynical Asshole

      *shrugs* We already had one president with alzheimer’s, and I’m pretty sure we’ve had several who were brain damaged.

      Truth be told, I’d rather her be too brain damaged to do anything. Although on second thought that would leave Tim Caine in charge. Not really an improvement.

      1. Although on second thought that would leave Tim Caine Bill, Chelsea, Huma, Cheryl, Podesta, and everyone else in their Circle of Scum in charge.

    3. Brett L

      Honestly, I get the sense that she really doesn’t know anything except that she gave her people direction to make sure her emails couldn’t be FOIA’d and let them take care of the details.

      1. Rasilio

        This, it is pretty clear that she fits the stereotype of your 70 year old grandmother who can’t use the DVR without someone there to help them

  7. Citizen X

    “Hillary Clinton said under oath in a court filing Thursday that she can’t recall key details about her use of a private email server or she refused to answer questions about it posed by a conservative legal group.”

    What difference, at this point, does it make?

    1. westernsloper

      Since this was under court order, can we now expect a contempt citation?

      Only offhandidly rhetorical, because I know the answer, but, seriously, if she refused to answer is that not contempt?

      1. WTF

        Technically, “I can’t recall” is an answer.

        1. Citizen X

          Technically, so is “go fuck yourself,” which is only a slight paraphrase of her response.

        2. westernsloper

          I thought she flat out refused to answer some questions as well as say, “I can’t recall” to others. Not that it matters. I just like to add to my Clinton disdain bucket.

          1. PurityDiluting

            “baskets, buckets, and billfolds.”
            What are things you fill in the 2016 election, Alex?

      2. Red Rocks Dickin Bimbos

        Since this was under court order, can we now expect a contempt citation?

        Let me hold my breath until that happens.

  8. Dozens of religious leaders are speaking out against the “demeaning and troubling rhetoric” in private emails sent by members of the Hillary Clinton campaign that have been made public by Wikileaks.

    Give it up, God-lovers.

    1. Kneel before Zod Herself!

    2. SIV

      GayJay will eliminate special rights for Christfags

      1. WTF

        Gay Nazi-cakes for everyone!

        1. I don’t want an Ernst Rohm cake.

          1. Citizen X

            TOO BAD.

          2. straffinrun

            Why not. *Breaks out the long knives*

      2. Citizen X

        GasyJasy isan’t a True Libertarians like Trump!

        1. WTF

          What is Trump’s stand on gay Nazi cakes, anyway?

          1. Citizen X

            He grabs them by the pussy.

    3. Tyler.C

      Of course the liberal response to this will be to say “you don’t think trumps statements are offensive? !? You really don’t deserve rights”

    4. Palmieri…told reporters Wednesday that she “didn’t recognize (the email) but moreover … we are not going to fact check each of the emails that were stolen, hacked by Russian lead efforts in an effort to hurt our campaign.”

      1. WTF

        Love the Clintonian non-denial, and then misdirection and deflection.

        1. Tyler.C

          Das ruskis!!!!!

        2. Something Trump could learn from, rather than bulling head-first into every rhetorical bear trap laid at his feet.

          1. Rasilio

            Trump is the Leeroy Jenkins of Politics

          2. WTF

            He’s never had to speak like a politician before, it’s probably not something that comes easily to most people not in the game.

            1. Look, if you spent every waking moment for a year and a half exposed to and practicing a certain thing, whether it’s the violin or programming or politics, don’t you think by this point you’d have picked up a few habits, maybe even do it passably well? And it’s not like he’s some ingenue who until last year had no inclination to dabble in politics. Yes, he’s accustomed to glad-handing by the media, but he can’t have learned nothing in the past eighteen months.

              1. Cyto

                He is 70 years old The brain becomes rather inelastic at that age. His patterns are pretty much set in stone.

  9. Juvenile Bluster

    Michelle Obama: Donald Trump’s “bragging about sexually assaulting women” is below “basic standards of human decency.”

    I thought that most humans couldn’t understand the wookiee language.

    1. Rufus The Monocled

      Her husband murders Americans without due process. Just saying.

      1. WTF

        Well that just turns her on.

        1. kbolino

          The Onion has already covered that story

  10. The Justice Department will start collecting nationwide information on police shootings and the deaths of suspects in police custody.

    But we’ll lose the count when they repeatedly neglect to turn the counting machine on.

  11. Jordan

    Michelle Obama: Donald Trump’s “bragging about sexually assaulting women” is below “basic standards of human decency.”

    But my husband’s blowing up women worldwide is A-okay.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Look, she tweeted #BringBackOurGirls. It’s as much as anyone can do!

      1. There was news today about those girls.
        The Nigerian government’s solution appears to be to buy them back.
        That will end well.
        http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-37641101

        1. AlexInCT

          We did it in Iran…

      2. Derp-o-Matic 5000

        And it worked! Boko Haram finally read all the negative Twitters and felt super-embarrassed and let the girls go!

        1. Cynical Asshole

          They probably just let the ones they were tired of raping go.

          1. Citizen X

            STEVE SMITH NOT UNDERSTAND CONCEPT ‘TIRED OF RAPING.’ EXPLAIN.

  12. The Justice Department will start collecting nationwide information on police shootings and the deaths of suspects in police custody.

    Albuquerque: Good shoot.
    Chicago: Good shoot.
    Los Angeles: Good shoot.
    Chicago: Good shoot.
    New York City: Good shoot.
    …and so on.

  13. Mookman

    I have an assignment to do for an international business course I am taking, namely to explain why an investment in a particular country would be a good idea. Could be a specific company, industry, whatever, there’s a lot of leeway. Need to consider access to raw materials, transport issues, quality of workforce, country stability, level of corruption, receptivity to the particular investment. Just starting my research, but I thought I’d kick it around here to see if anyone had some insight. Thanks.

    1. LynchPin1477

      Do you get to pick the country, the industry, etc.?

      1. Mookman

        Yep, as I said lots of leeway here, I think he wants to see what far out places/industries people manage to come up with.

        1. CatoTheChipper

          Singapore – specialty chemicals or semiconductors. It has everything: great workforce, low taxes, infrastructure, raw materials, excellent port for importation/exportations, rule of law, stability, less corruption than US.

          1. OneOut

            But you can’t spit on the sidewall or you get canned on the butt.

            Real hard too.

    2. Switzerland. Insurance.

      Australia. Dangerous lifeforms.

      Canada. Maple Syrup.

      1. (((Renegade)))

        Israel. Jews.

    3. Red state US: Guns

    4. Just a thought not a sermon

      There’s been some news lately on cobalt mining in the Congo–how it’s all done by freelance miners in dangerous mines they dig themselves. Might be an opportunity there for a big firm to come in–but it would have to be a mini-state unto itself: build its own rail line, security, etc. But might be interesting to think about for a project.

      1. Citizen X

        +1 Heart of Darkness

      2. You’re looking at a major investment in transportation and security. You might be able to buy off one of the local warlords, but you’re going to get mired into the mess of atrocities that is the region. That’s going to open up your firm to all sorts of malicious prosecution and regulation from progressive governments.

        Painting a big target on yourself for local attacks and government shakedowns before you even turn a penny of profit would make me hesitant to buy stock in your venture. This may be why the mining is done by small freelancers, they’re already there and they can subsist on much smaller returns.

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          Maybe brokering to those small free-lancers would be a good investment?

          Until your company is accused of buying ‘blood-cobalt’.

      3. westernsloper

        Iran: Anything to do with the nucleeyur.

    5. Somalia. Roads.

      1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

        Private companies can’t build roads! Only government can do that!!!!!!

    6. America for the next 4-8 years: liquor

      1. CatoTheChipper

        Better yet, weed

    7. Use this in your argument –

      Rostow’s stages of growth

    8. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      Antarctica, ice.

      1. Mookman

        Thanks.

      2. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        Selling Ice to Antarticans is a niche market.

        It would need to be Artisnal Ice.

        1. lafe.long

          Selling Ice to Antarticans is a niche market.

          It would need to be Artisnal Ice.

          It would need to be Arctic Artisanal Ice.

    9. Lee Genes

      Costa Rica / Intel

      The logistics questions alone are worth the review.

    10. Rasilio

      Japan – Robotics

      How the hell else are they going to keep their economy running with a birth rate under 1.2, a median age approaching 65 and a xenophobic view of immigration

      1. Cloning. With the added benefit that they all will look alike then.

    11. bacon-magic

      Venezuela. Capitalism.

      1. (formerly) If-by-whiskey

        I laughed.

  14. LynchPin1477

    bragging about sexually assaulting women

    I finally listened to the audio (because they played it on a sports podcast! The consensus seems to be that most people don’t actually talk like that in locker rooms) and I didn’t get a sense he was talking about going up to random people and groping them out of nowhere. Sounded more like he was saying “women want me more because I’m rich”.

    1. Citizen X

      Yeah but that’s Not Okay.

      1. WTF

        He implied women can be gold diggers who will willingly trade sex for access to wealth and fame, and that is definitely not okay.

      2. LynchPin1477

        I was debating my wife about this last night. I don’t like the subculture that views women as targets for sexual conquest, I don’t want to hang out with people like that, but I don’t think it rises to the level of sexual assault if someone isn’t telling you “no”. And I *thought* Trump said “they’ll let you”, as in they won’t say no. As for the vulgarity — me friends and I have made jokes about pretty much every vulgar and taboo subject imaginable. Maybe my friends and I are outliers and maybe we are bad people — I can admit that possibility. But there is a difference in my mind between saying something in a group of people that know you, know that you are joking, and that you know won’t be hurt or offended by your comments. Saying those things more broadly — yeah, that’s rude and sometime worse. But I’d wager that almost everyone has said things in private that they’d be really embarrassed by if they were made public.

        Now maybe these accusations of actual assault against Trump are true and what he said on that audio wasn’t just some sort of joke, but a tell that he really is a sexual predator. Given what else we seem to know about him, it wouldn’t surprise me. But looking at the audio in isolation — yeah, it’s vulgar, yeah, it’s not the kind of thing you would want to say publicly — but I really have a hard time believing that it’s that uncommon. But maybe I just live in a bubble.

        1. The timing and content of the accusations raises skeptical flags, so I’m going to wait for corroborating evidence on that issue. If none is forthcoming, my initial snap assessment of ‘fabricated allegations’ will remain in effect.

          The boorish commentary in context did not sound like a claim of actual events, more like the empty braggart archtype.

          1. And that’s disqualifying!

        2. Tyler.C

          It’s hard to say no if you are never asked…. i.e saying someone ‘let’ you do something is the weakest form of pseudo consent. I mean if you think just grabbing someone and them not verbally saying “No” then you are being as impractical as the bunch who require people to ask for permission about every single thing they do during sex.

          1. LynchPin1477

            Sure, if you just walk up to someone and start groping them or kissing them. Maybe that is what Trump was talking about. It’s impossible to say and I’m not really sure it’s even worth trying absent some actual actions (which admittedly there may be). But what I immediately thought of was the guy at the bar who starts flirting with someone and if they seem receptive, escalates it with touching, kissing, etc. Again, that’s not me, that’s not something I like or want to associate with, but people do have agency and are capable of shutting things down if it crosses a boundary they don’t like.

            1. Tyler.C

              Well gosh, you don’t have to be so darn reasonable… don’t you know social progress only comes by steamrolling over your opposition while calling for a national dialog.

              1. LynchPin1477

                I don’t know if I am reasonable. I do think I am better able than most to tolerate living side-by-side with things I don’t approve of. That’s seems like a common trait among libertarians and probably a big reason why we can remain libertarians.

                It takes all types to make a functioning society. Revolutionaries push things forward, reactionaries keep them from running amok. It’s messy and frustrating but I guess that’s OK. It’s at least probably unavoidable. I just wish they’d use tools that leave the rest of us out of it (i.e., something other than government).

            2. They’re both shitshows. The sanctimony is nauseating in and of itself but infuriating because it’s obscuring the fact that the choice isn’t Trump or not-Trump, it’s between Trump or Clinton. So lewd language and at a minimum a cavalier attitude toward personal boundaries vs. Clinton’s proven self-dealing corruption. Yeah, tough choice.

            3. Except it’s not a guy at the bar; it’s a very well known, rich guy who makes sure everyone knows is rich and powerful. A woman on the receiving end does have agency and can shut things down, but when it’s against someone like Trump, there can be consequences. Especially if you’re just trying to close a business deal with him, or keep your job at a Trump property, or compete in a beauty pageant, or keep a job at NBC, etc.

              In my case, I immediately thought of a sleazy producer or famous actor, not a guy at the bar “flirting” with women.

          2. A frilly pink thing

            “It’s hard to say no if you are never asked”

            ???

            Nonsense. You simply say “no” or “stop” or “RAPE!! ”

            Seriously what the hell are you talking about?

        3. Rufus The Monocled

          You’re over thinking it. My friends and I continue to make depraved vulgar jokes and we’re not about to stop now.

          Yet, we continue to treat women (our mothers, wives, colleagues etc,) respectfully where it matters most. We recognize what we say to each other is immature bull shit and no chance of ever being put into practice. It’s retarded this has been elevated to a level where what’s said is what’s going to be done. This is all the left in their magnificent retarded thinking feeding this gibberish.

          And to listen to people in sports media ask ‘do people actually talk that way in locker rooms’ is the epitome of full of shitness and PC that ravages through the industry. How fucking idiotic and disingenuous to you have to be to actually ask that and pretend you’re all moral about it? That you’ve ‘never seen it’?

          Whether it’s the pros or high school, locker room talk among boys DOES exist.

          1. Gadfly

            The stupidity of asking pro athletes whether they hear that talk in locker rooms is astounding, but I imagine the questioners know it and are being deliberately obtuse to try to muddy the waters. First, pro locker rooms are often crawling with reporters, so I imagine that’s a pretty good incentive to keep “locker room talk” out of the actual locker room and moved to the bar, home, etc. Second, even if they did hear such talk, they have incentive to lie about it to try to maintain the reputation of their institution (not that anyone connected to sports has ever lied or covered up stuff to maintain reputation…).

          2. It is really stupid, but in fairness, it is the defense trotted out by Trump’s people.

        4. Rasilio

          The problem is when it comes to intimate physical contact you kind of need consent before you do that, sure they might be down with it but initiating the contact does in fact make you guilty of sexual assault if they aren’t so at best it is an incredibly stupid thing to do because you’re risking jail time on the chance that this particular one is a gold digger

    2. Enjoy Every Sandwich

      I don’t know any rich guys, but in my experience the more a guy brags about pussy the less he’s seen.

      I remember a co-worker who used to say at the end of the day “Time to go home and beat the wife!”. We would all laugh, not because we approve of wife-beating but because we knew this guy was the most whipped guy on the planet. Yeah, he always got the last word with his wife; “yes dear”.

  15. Just a thought not a sermon

    “Antonio Guterres, the former prime minister of Portugal, has been appointed as the new secretary-general of the United Nations.”

    I’m trying to think of something funny for this one, but there’s just not a whole lot going on in Portugal. Something about corks? Olives? Drug decriminalization? Actually, that last one might be a good sign…

    1. He’ll send explorers to colonize Mars?

    2. Rasilio

      Paella for everyone?

      1. Citizen X

        Bacalao?

      2. Mindyourbusiness

        Better yet, Mateus for everyone (not my favorite, but drinkable).

  16. Antonio Guterres, the former prime minister of Portugal, has been appointed as the new secretary-general of the United Nations.

    It’s always a foreigner.

    1. Often a socialist, always a bureaucrat.

  17. Rich

    “Secretary Clinton states that she does not recall being advised, cautioned, or warned, she does not recall that it was ever suggested to her, and she does not recall participating in any communication, conversation, or meeting in which it was discussed that her use of a clintonemail.com e-mail account to conduct official State Department business conflicted with or violated federal recordkeeping laws,” lawyers for Clinton wrote.

    Then, citing attorney-client privilege, they wrote “Fuck you! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

    1. Ah, you see, she was ignorant of the law, and that’s a perfectly good defense.

      1. /sarc

    2. Glide

      Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon… you know, cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.

      1. WTF

        Just remember, Jerry, it’s not lying if you believe it.

  18. Bee Tagger

    private emails sent by members of the Hillary Clinton campaign that have been made public by Wikileaks.

    More like pubic, yanno? Speaking of pubic, did you hear what trump said? Let’s talk about that.

  19. Citizen X

    I found a video of Mike M. trying to go home last night.

    1. Rich

      One of my pet peeves is “Automatic door — Keep moving” and it doesn’t open fast enough.

      Let the lawsuits begin.

      1. Citizen X

        For whatever reason, i keep having this problem where automatic doors don’t open for me. It sort of makes me doubt my own existence.

        1. Citizen X

          I’ve never tried ramming them headfirst like a goat, though.

        2. That’s funny, I just felt a cold breeze…probably nothing.

          1. WTF

            Citizen X is actually dead! (spoiler)

            1. Citizen X

              I’ve been dead THE WHOLE TIME.

              1. “That guy? The one who posts as Citizen X throughout the whole thing – that’s Bruce Willis!”

        3. Just a thought not a sermon

          Sounds like you shouldn’t have sold your soul for money to spend on pogs.

          1. Citizen X

            Look, they were an investment!

            In hindsight, going home with that pale Romanian girl who kept biting my neck may have been a mistake too.

  20. Cynical Asshole

    “Hillary Clinton said under oath in a court filing Thursday that she can’t recall key details about her use of a private email server…”

    Alzheimer’s? Or maybe we just need to get Spock to rip it out of her mind.

  21. SugarFree

    “The fact is that in this election, we have a candidate for President of the United States who, over the course of his lifetime and the course of this campaign, has said things about women that are so shocking, so demeaning that I simply will not repeat anything here today,” Michelle said, her enormous penis bobbing up and down as she hauled on the rope and hoisted Barry into the air by his wrists.

    “This is so inspiring,” he whispered through cut and bruised lips.

    “And last week, we saw this candidate actually bragging about sexually assaulting women.” She tied the rope off and sent Barry swaying with a push, his toes barely brushing the floor. He grunted.

    “And I can’t believe that I’m saying that a candidate for President of the United States has bragged about sexually assaulting women.” She twisted Barry around and spread the cheeks of ass as far apart as her brute strength would allow. His tender tan butthole gaped in excitement.

    “I think I might just get hard, baby,” he said. She kicked him awkwardly between his butt cheeks and set him swinging again.

    1. SugarFree

      “And I have to tell you that I can’t stop thinking about this,” she said. Michelle walked over to the workbench and spent some time choosing amongst her tools for something suitable. “It has shaken me to my core in a way that I couldn’t have predicted.”

      Barry laughed delightedly when he saw what she carried back over to where he dangled.

      “It would be dishonest and disingenuous to me to just move on to the next thing like this was all just a bad dream,” she said as she struggled to fit the huge green gloves over her mannish paws.

      “This is not something that we can ignore. It’s not something we can just sweep under the rug as just another disturbing footnote in a sad election season.”

      “Hey, girl? you want to go see Birth of a Nation tonight?” Barry asked.

      She punched him in the crotch as a response, and the green gloves made a loud growling noise. Another punch and the gloves roared.

      “And to make matters worse, it now seems very clear that this isn’t an isolated incident,” she screamed.

      “Hulk smash!” the gloves yelled as she punched his dick over and over again. “Hulk SMASH! HULK SMASH!”

      1. Citizen X

        That’s it. I’m dead. You killed me.

        1. Plan a joint funeral, X. My soul just screamed and fled.

          1. (formerly) If-by-whiskey

            I just imagined Swiss’ post as the last one ever on H&R. By anyone. Mass casualties.

      2. Lee Genes

        This is up there with your finest work.

        *dies a little inside*

      3. Just a thought not a sermon

        I find your writing so much more informative and plausible than the newspapers.

      4. (((Renegade)))

        Not enough Wookie groans.

      5. Michelle walked over to the workbench…

        I was picturing this taking place in the Oval Office and now you ruined it.

      6. Rich

        Welcome back! Seems you’ve been preoccupied lately.

      7. straffinrun

        This can’t be the allegory I’m thinking it is.

      8. WTF

        Awesome. *enthusiastic applause*

      9. Trigger Hippie

        Thanks. Now I’m going to have to go to my car and hit the bowl once or twice so that I may regain my appetite and finish my breakfast.

      10. Enjoy Every Sandwich

        Somehow this seems perfectly plausible.

      11. westernsloper

        SF needs to post these on Think Progress FB page. There would not be enough ambulances in America to tend to all the exploded heads.

        The gushing I saw over Michelle O’s speech on FB made me sicker than this story. And I am now nauseous.

      12. Cynical Asshole

        Still not as soul cleaving as this, or this.

        1. WTF

          Jesus Christ! Trigger warning, dammit!

          1. Cynical Asshole

            This is NOT a safe space.

      13. bacon-magic

        “Nice” use of Hulk Hands.

      14. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        The Hulk gloves are a really nice touch.

        Mookman may have a another area to invest in.

        I know what Rule 34 says, but Sug might just be ahead of the curve on this one.

      15. Eww, geez, gross.

        She has man-hands?

    2. invisible furry hand

      His tender tan butthole gaped in excitement.

      Sublime.

      1. It’s sub-something.

  22. invisible furry hand

    Doughnut Kitten invites you to sit back and relax, and experience the calm satisfaction that comes from hours of gazing into this tasty confection. Let the sugary pastel colours and hypnotic, unblinking kitten bring a smile to your face.

    http://doughnutkitten.com/

    1. 🙁 I was hoping for something along the lines of a bonzai kitten.

      1. Banzai Kitten?

        *roar of rapidly approaching Zero*

        1. Forgive my spelling https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonsai_Kitten

    2. (((Renegade)))

      Doughnut Kitten invites you to sit back and relax, and experience the calm satisfaction that comes from hours of gazing into this tasty confection.

      Why are you writing about my wife’s pussy?

      1. yet another dave

        Your moms.

    3. Cynical Asshole

      Doughnut Kitten invites you to sit back and relax, and experience the calm satisfaction that comes from hours of gazing into this tasty confection.

      Is this some kind of euphemism?

    4. A frilly pink thing

      Ummet Ozcan did it first.

      http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4tXP89Cs4jc

  23. Trigger Hippie

    “Hillary Clinton said under oath in a court filing Thursday that she can’t recall key details about her use of a private email server or she refused to answer questions about it posed by a conservative legal group.”

    She knows nothing. She’s from Barcelona.

  24. invisible furry hand

    The Smiths / infomercials mash-up you never knew you needed

    1. Lee Genes

      This election is screwing up my lunatic feminist links. It’s all Trump, all the time.

      And let’s just say that DU has never been a happier place.

    2. At 1:01 there is a man using a mallet to put a whole cabbage into a small food processor. Is this a metaphor for the Presidential election?

  25. invisible furry hand

    Raccoon Festival Rocks St. Petersburg

    1. Citizen X

      If those raccoons try to den up in my attic again this winter, i guess i can trap them for the Russian pet trade. Cool.

      1. straffinrun

        Neighbor growing up would set a trap outside his chimney where the squirrels were making a home. The guy poured boiling water on them as they were squirming to get out of the trap. After that, whenever us kids overheard late night sounds coming from mom and dad’s bedroom, the next morning dad would say, “That guy must have been killing squirrels again.” Spent my whole life trying not to make a woman make that sound. I’ve failed a few times.

        1. Citizen X

          I’m a little disappointed that the server squirrels left your story alone.

        2. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          I’ve failed a few times.

          Maybe you should stop pouring boiling water on them?

    2. The handler’s arms looks like a cutting board because he’s apparently been clawed and bitten so many times. So once you get past regular maulings, they make great pets.

    3. Brett L

      Not Florida Man? I am surprised. I was going to go down there this weekend.

      1. Citizen X

        Look, if you need raccoons, i can get you raccoons.

  26. MetalBard

    Why!?! Why the fuck is Trump saying something vulgar behind closed doors even remotely news worthy? Wow Trump says the same type of stupid shit with his bros that every other guys says, and somehow this is news worthy, somehow this is was disqualifies him?

    I don’t get it, I don’t understand why anyone cares about this. Have we’ve heard anything of substance about either candidate in the news within the last few months? Have we’ve talked foreign policy, have we compared economic policy, have we discussed free trade, or corruption, you know actual things people should care about?

    No none of that matters because Trump was caught behind closed doors talking like a dumbass jock.

    1. WTF

      It’s important because it gives the media an excuse to avoid covering the Wikileaks revelations and Hillary’s record of incompetence and corruption.

      1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

        Not to mention their own complicity in everything Hillary does. They have been unabashedly operating as an arm of the DNC throughout the election.

    2. Lee Genes

      Like it or not, more than half the electorate is female. If you constantly treat and refer to them as nothing more than objects, a lot of them might not appreciate it.

      Are the Democrats and their media cronies using it for cover? Yes.

      But Trump (and those who nominated him) deserve the blame for his lousy candidacy.

      1. WTF

        Because American women are really stupid and irrational enough to think that Trump’s words are worse than Hillary’s actions covering for a serial sexual assaulter and rapist and smearing and attacking his victims? I refuse to believe it, there has to be something else going on.

        1. Lee Genes

          We’re talking basic politics here. Democratic pols mostly get a pass on misogynistic behavior, this is well established. Right or wrong, Republicans do not.

          So when the GOP nominates a sexist douchebag like Trump who’s been thru multiple wives and has a well established history of making public derogatory comments towards women, don’t start crying when the media and the opposition crucify him. This was completely predictable.

          And I’m certainly not going to shed any tears over a candidate that I have little in common with philosophically. The only thing Trump has going for him is that he’s not Clinton.

          1. WTF

            You miss the point, why would women think that Trump’s words are actually worse than Hillary’s actions? It’s irrational.

            1. Lee Genes

              It may be, but it’s not pertinent to the GOP’s mistakes.

              1. A frilly pink thing

                See, it seems certain pertinent to me, but I’m no closet Clinton supporter /SJW

        2. People are really stupid and irrational, especially when it comes to politics.

          This is really not hard, and is always common sense around here until the final months of an election.

          Whatever happened to sneering that a lot of voters only care about having a beer with the candidate? Or the candidate’s height or looks or demeanor or religion?

      2. Cynical Asshole

        Trump (and those who nominated him) deserve the blame for his lousy candidacy.

        This. The Stupid Party had 16 other candidates to choose from, many of which could have beaten Her Cankleness and some of which (*cough* Rand Paul *cough*) could have offered a distinctly different policy vision, as opposed to “Democrat Light” and yet their primary voters chose to nominate this douchebag. They’re getting the candidate they deserve.

        And after the election the rest of are going to get it, regardless of who wins, whether we deserve it or not. And people wonder why I’m so cynical.

        1. bacon-magic

          And an asshole. I 2nd you on Rand Paul, he was our best hope. Hopefully he can lay low for 4 years and try again.

          1. Cynical Asshole

            Hopefully he can lay low for 4 years and try again.

            Hopefully he can do more than just lay low. Continue to make some noise on issues like criminal justice reform, civil liberties, etc. that should have some cross-over appeal to the left while also making some noise of our huge mountain of debt and entitlement reform, and generally being a thorn in the statist establishment’s side. Then give it another go in 2020.

            My only fear is that if he runs twice and fails, the GOP may decide that he’s “a loser” and not give a 3rd chance in 2024, despite the fact that in 2020 he’ll likely be going up against an incumbent Shrillary, and it’s really fucking hard to take down an incumbent, even one as widely disliked as her.

            1. OneOut

              If Hillary is running in 2020 she will have a prosthetic body.

    3. Rufus The Monocled

      Notice, though, it’s unimportant what was said in those emails.

      Think about that for a second.

    4. paranoid android

      Just a couple months ago, the line from the Trump apologists was that he’s a genius masterfully manipulating the media into raising his profile by giving him free coverage. When did the script suddenly flip to, “Why are these meanies in the media being so unfaaaaaair?”

      1. WTF

        The leaked emails provide an explanation. They wanted to elevate Trump because they figured he would be the most beatable in the general. Now that he’s the candidate they have switched to destroy mode. There really is no denying the media are acting as Clinton campaign operatives.

        1. PurityDiluting

          ^That. So very, very, much that.
          Proof? Why does NBC hold onto that 11-year old Trump tape that has everyone aflutter until October?

          1. OneOut

            And just recently edited a video of her cutting out a part where her eyes crossed while speaking and looking directly at the camera.

        2. Cynical Asshole

          They wanted to elevate Trump because they figured he would be the most beatable in the general.

          It really is shocking that that particular email nugget hasn’t gotten more attention. The Clinton campaign wanted the Republicans to nominate either Trump, Carson, or Cruz because they felt like those were the three they could beat in a general election. So what did the media do? All through the GOP primary I’d guesstimate that about 98% of their coverage was of those three. The other 14 candidates were almost completely ignored. And throughout the campaign, those three were at the top of the polls. I wouldn’t have thought media manipulation would be so effective, especially on a segment of population that’s as distrustful as GOP voters, but I guess I was wrong.

          1. Cynical Asshole

            It really is shocking that that particular email nugget hasn’t gotten more attention.

            I should flag that as *sarc* because at this point nothing is shocking.

          2. I wouldn’t have thought media manipulation would be so effective, especially on a segment of population that’s as distrustful as GOP voters, but I guess I was wrong.

            The fact they’re so distrustful is why it worked. When GOP voters always do the exact opposite of what you say they should do instead of ignoring you and thinking for themselves, they become super easy to manipulate.

            The other question is how long its going to take for GOP voters to figure out that people like Rush Limbaugh aren’t actually helping them. They realized during the Bush years that its way easier for them to just sit around criticizing the Democrats than it is to have to defend Republicans when they’re in charge. So they steer their supporters toward ridiculous candidates to deliberately tank the Republican elections.

    5. Are you new to the whole electoral politics thing?

  27. Certified Public Asshat

    VP Joe Biden: Trump’s remarks ‘textbook definition of sexual assault’

    “Here’s the deal guys, this is totally consistent. … His admission of what is the textbook definition of sexual assault. I’m talking about Trump obviously,” Biden clarified, saying the Republican presidential nominee’s comments are “not inconsistent with the way in which he’s abused power all along.”

    Just for fun, an old Gawker article with lots of picture of Joe Biden creeping on women young and old.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      Words are the textbook definition of sexual assault?

      1. Citizen X

        Whereas Joe Biden giving teenage girls awkwardly long hugs so he can smell their hair is not. Cool.

        1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

          Biden is a goodthinker with a “D” after his name. He is therefore incapable of committing sexual assault, no matter what his actions are.

  28. Privately-educated drug dealer spared jail as lawyer claims stress of case has damaged her skin
    …He added: “She is suffering from anxiety and she has eczema which is due to this case. She had to leave a college course at Leeds University because she was too worried to leave her house. To her credit she has continued her university course at Manchester Metropolitan University and is expected to receive a good degree in event management….

    1. That was Pinochet’s defense for many years. then prosecutors pointed out his skin was already shit, and the game was up

  29. Cracked: How Half Of America Lost Its F**king Mind
    …We country folk are programmed to hate the prissy elites. That brings us to Trump….

    1. WTF

      I remember when Cracked actually used to be funny, before they went full SJW retard.

    2. Programmed to hate them? The programming runs the opposite direction and most of us hate them regardless. I even cast my net a bit wider than that with my hatred. I hate their sycophant apologists and their legions of enablers. If it were up to me, flyover country would secede from any political union that includes DC, New York and California.

    3. David Wong really gets America.

      1. I liked his book. His politics are dumb.

      2. Red Rocks Dickin Bimbos

        To be fair to David, this is a remarkably self-aware article, primarily because he grew up in small-town America and thus empathizes with them. I’ve known too many progs who grew up in urban/suburban environments who truly believe their shit doesn’t stink, and act like Jethro and Billy Bob are going to emerge from the woods like Deliverance, line the latte-sippers up against the wall, and shoot them dead–or even worse, not bake them a wedding cake.

        1. he grew up in small-town America and thus empathizes with them.

          Not really. He’s just trying to help fellow progs improve their critique of ‘Red America’, which he still oversimplifies and misconstrues.

          The fact is that the entire Blue/Red – City/Country dichotomy is an exercise in oversimplification. Most of the country is fields of shades of purple. But his narrative needs total Ying/Yang, rather than shades of difference.

  30. invisible furry hand

    A notorious gang has given the meth dealers in its town 24 hours to leave – and they say they’ll only ask nicely the first time.

    1. straffinrun

      The “visiting” will begin.

  31. Antonio Guterres, the former prime minister of Portugal, has been appointed as the new secretary-general of the United Nations.

    And former president of Socialist International. Let there be no mistake about what the UN is.

    1. WTF

      And let there be no mistake about the current administration’s failure to veto this appointment.

  32. Derp-o-Matic 5000

    Good morning everyone.

    I never imagined I’d be here talking about this. I wanted to just put it all behind me. Pretend it never happened, you know? But so many others have so bravely come forward that I feel like it would be disrespectful to them to remain silent.

    Hillary Clinton raped me.

    There. I said it. It’s been so long feeling like no one would understand, but I feel like I’m not alone anymore.

    It was at a frat party back in 2003. I was a freshman in college. Young, bright-eyed, excited about the new world of adulthood I was entering. How naive i was then….

    Hillary approached me and we started talking. She seemed really interested in me, made me think she actually cared. She offered me a drink, which I foolishly accepted. There must have been something in it, because shortly thereafter, I started to feel woozy, like my legs were made of jello and everything was moving underwater. She tried to get me to go upstairs with her, “just to get off your feet for a few minutes.”

    “Nuuhhh,” I slurred. “Uh need to get huhm.”

    She offered to walk me back, insisting it wasn’t safe to walk back alone in my state. The entire way, she was very grabby. I fought off her inappropriate touching for a while at first, but in my condition, it was difficult.

    We arrived at my place and she insisted on coming in. I couldn’t stop her. As soon as the door was shut, she was all over me. …

    1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      I remember it so vividly. Her deathly cold skin, the empty robotic stare, the mechanical smile. I begged her to stop, that the razor blades inside her were so painful, but she just laughed that diabolical laugh of hers.

      I never told anyone before because i thought no one would believe me. I’ve carried this burden for thirteen years. Usually, I get by okay, but sometimes it’s just too much.

      Too much…

      1. WTF

        Sounds credible, let’s run with it!
        – Bizarro GOP NYT

      2. Did she use her clitoris to enter you?

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          She used it to strangle him during climax.

      3. Rufus The Monocled

        I’m here for you. She raped me too.

      4. straffinrun

        That’s it. I’m going right out and firing Billy Bush for some reason.

        1. Citizen X

          Probably a wise move just on principle.

          1. Cynical Asshole

            Duh, his last name is Bush, so he must be EVUL. /sarc

  33. “Dozens of religious leaders are speaking out against the “demeaning and troubling rhetoric” in private emails sent by members of the Hillary Clinton campaign that have been made public by Wikileaks.”

    To put it another way: After key Democrat operatives were caught making insulting remarks about Catholicism and conservative Catholics, some Catholics and evangelicals signed a protest.

    The link is to a CNN article with a photo of some old guy, apparently a male religious leader questioning Her.

    And there’s a video in the sidebar where the announcer talks about the leaked documents – did Russia hack them?

    1. Tyler.C

      My question is, how many of the lower campaign staff and supporters A) actually believe the hack is some Russian conspiracy and B) believe that it is a legitimate excuse for their actions?

      I mean HRC folk like to mock people for their conspiracy theories about clinton but she seems to be the source of her own fair few.

      1. WTF

        There is no actual proof the Russians are behind it, and even if they were, so what? This is just an excuse to deflect from the content of the emails.

  34. Rich

    test

    1. R.I.P

  35. Rich

    Wikileaks emails REVEALS Hillary campaign pushing Muslim Obama narrative

    1. Rich

      * 1 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) was the only candidate at a recent event not to cover his heart during the national anthem and he has stopped wearing an American flag pin.

      * 2 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) benefited from a land deal from a contributor who has been indicted for corruption.

      * 3 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) would personally negotiate with the leaders of terrorist nations like Iran and North Korea without preconditions.

      * 4 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) voted against allowing people to use handguns to defend themselves against intruders.

      * 5 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) plans to raise taxes by 180 (one hundred and eighty) billion dollars a year to pay for his government-run health care plan

      * 6 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) voted repeatedly against emergency funding bills for U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

      * 7 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh)’s father was a Muslim and Obama grew up among Muslims in the world’s most populous Islamic country.

      …

      * 8 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) is ranked as one of the ten most liberal members of the Senate because of his support of issues like gay adoption.

      * 13 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) voted against requiring medical care for aborted fetuses who survive the procedure.

      * 14 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) supports giving driver’s licenses to undocumented immigrants

      * 15 Obama (owe-BAHM-uh) described his former use of cocaine as using “a little blow.”

      “Perhaps *this* will refresh your memory!”

      1. straffinrun

        Assange is basically handing Trump the answers to the questions before the test. Watch Trump stumble all over them in the debate regardless.

        1. WTF

          Trump actually did well in the last debate. Which is why they had to bury it in the pussygate coverage.

          1. straffinrun

            One left right? We’ll see which Trump shows up. I wish there were 5 more of them just for the lulz.

            1. straffinrun

              “One left right?” Shouldn’t post after 5 beers.

              1. WTF

                I would pay good money to see him walk across the stage and give her a good left right.

            2. If any Trump shows up.

              Expect another ‘revelation’ on Monday or Tuesday.

      2. Is the inclusion of the pronunciation next to his name intended to remind the speaker to emphasize the “Bomb” part of his name?

  36. Lee Genes

    DC really is occupied by some of the dumbest people around

    In an interview published this week by Esquire Magazine, former Rhode Island Governor and U.S. Sen. Lincoln D. Chafee acknowledges he probably should not have made the “metrics system” a top plank in his quixotic run for president of the United States.

    “My wife said, no, it will be misunderstood. And she was right,” he said.

    1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      My car gets forty rods to the hoghead and that’s the way I likes it!

  37. Folks,

    As of this morning, my book is available for free on Kindle Unlimited: Each One, Teach One: Preserving and protecting the Second Amendment in the 21st century and beyond.

    For those of you who are not on Kindle Unlimited, my co-author Greg Camp (Guns.com) and I are giving away free copies of the e-book. If you are interested, tweet me at: @AuthorSingh or email Ranjit.Singh.Author@gmail.com

    This election is going to be really bad for the Second Amendment, and we need to fight back strategically.

    Thanks,

    Ranjit Singh

    1. While I know book shilling is the primary purpose of reason and is engaged in by both the contributers and the commentariat – do you ever comment on anything else?

      1. I do. I’m a long-time Reasonoid. 🙂

        Sorry for the shameless self-promotion. You won’t hear from me again about the book.

        1. To chastize about book shilling would be hypocracy on my part, it’s a matter of “I’ve never seen that handle post anything else” and I begin to wonder about our bot problem.

          1. I know that you and Lord Humungus are writers. Do you believe now that I’m a long-time Reasonoid? 😉

            1. Rufus The Monocled

              As long as it’s about the right subject.

              If it were AmSoc writing about how great Commie-nism was….well then…

              1. AmSoc won’t like it, but the book’s goal is to get people like him on the side of gun rights, even if we disagree on everything else.

                1. straffinrun

                  Now I’m conflicted. Do I want AmSoc to have a gun?

                  1. Lee Genes

                    How else is he going to defend himself from the debt collectors?

                  2. @straffinrun,

                    My co-author Greg Camp leans left on a lot of economic issues. I’m a very free-market kind of guy.

                    What we’re showing through our collaboration is that the Left can and should be won over so that the Second Amendment is accorded the same respect as every other protected right. Or the 2nd will be toast.

                    Greg and I agree on most social issues, and he has an open offer to teach gun safety and handling to the LGBT community in Arkansas.

                    The Kindle book preview has a part of Greg’s chapter, “A left wing academic becomes a gun nut”.

                    I think you’ll like it.

                    1. straffinrun

                      “the same respect as every other protected right.” Sounds a bit ominous, but good luck.

            2. I’m just satisfied that you’re human (or a close enough algorithmic approximation)

        2. Your pre-emptive sense of shame is more than enough to satisfy me. Book-pimp away!

          1. WTF

            A pimp’s book is very different from the book of a square.

    2. The people who annoy *me* the most are the commenters in youtube who complain anytime a creator starts to mention ‘sponsors’ or make an appeal for other products.

      1. FWIW, I contacted some staff at Reason and didn’t hear back. I don’t blame them. It’s an indie work, so it won’t get the same level of respect as something from Penguin Randomhouse.

      2. Rufus The Monocled

        I don’t mind at all whenever people self-promote.

        I can’t do it because I’m too hung up on stupid inanities programmed and lodged into my brain, but appreciate others can.

        1. Darnit, I’m feeling guilted into getting back to work on writing. (Which is followed by shilling)

  38. Michelle Obama: Donald Trump’s “bragging about sexually assaulting women” is below “basic standards of human decency.”

    *sigh*

    Just hashtag it and you will end his sexual assaults. You know this.

    1. WTF

      needz moar sadface

  39. creech

    “Michelle Obama: Donald Trump’s “bragging about sexually assaulting women” is below “basic standards of human decency.”

    And yet I’d give pretty good odds that she has allowed her two girls to shake Bill Clinton’s hand.

    1. Certified Public Asshat

      And as seen above, she might be ok with Biden giving long hugs and sniffing their hair.

  40. Clinton campaign mocks Catholics, Southerners, ‘needy Latinos’ in emails

    1. WTF

      Russian. Hackers.

      1. No no. You need to type in all caps to better distract from the contents. RUSSIANS AND HACKERS HACKER RUSSIANS PUTIN SUPPORTS TRUMP

        There.

  41. Lee Genes

    Federal Judge Lifts Injunction To Allow The Twirling and Killing Of Chickens To Take Away Sins During Yom Kippur

    “No person shall engage in, participate in, assist in, or perform animal sacrifice. No person shall own, keep, possess or have custody of any animal with the purpose or intention of using such animal for animal sacrifice. No person shall knowingly sell, offer to sell, give away or transfer any animal to another person who intends to use such animal for animal sacrifice. ‘Animal sacrifice’ means the injuring or killing of any animal in any religious or cult ritual or as an offering to a deity, devil, demon or spirit, wherein the animal has not been injured or killed primarily for food purposes, regardless of whether all or any part of such animal is subsequently consumed.”

    1. “Any crackdown could force an interesting test case similar to the 1993 ruling in Church of the Lukumi Babalu Aye, Inc,. et al. v. City of Hialeah, where the Court struck down the city’s ban on ritual animal sacrifice as violative of the first amendment’s free exercise clause.”

      What possible difference is there between that case and this case, other than the fact that the LA ordinance is even more explicitly aimed at religion?

      To put it another way – how could the judge *possibly* think that an injunction (or TRO or whatever) in this case was constitutional or legitimate?

      “Judge Birotte had previously granted the order at the request of an animal rights group called United Poultry Concerns, but then lifted the order after an expedited hearing. The challenge will go on but the group was allowed to perform the ritual in the interim.”

      “the interim” – also known as Yom Kippur.

      Possibly the judge realized how legally unsound the injunction was and didn’t want to be slapped down on appeal for interfering with a key Jewish holiday at the behest of “animal rights” weirdos.

  42. Tonio

    Overheard in a neighborhood discussion: “The cops really do a good job, it’s just that administrative procedure which keeps them from notifying citizens in a timely fashion when their stolen vehicles have been recovered and the tow lot starts charging when the vehicle is recovered, not when you are notified..” Yes, that darned administrative procedure which wrote itself. My neighbors are sheeple.

    1. Lee Genes

      People want to believe that the police are there for them. The truth is too uncomfortable.

  43. Lee Genes

    Jesse spotted in the Sierra Madre

    A spokesperson tells the Times a state game warden believes the bears “may have been a mating pair that was interrupted.” “The hiker probably just surprised the bears and they reacted the way an animal with teeth and claws does, attack,” the spokesperson says.

  44. Dairy Farmers Pour Out 43 Million Gallons of Milk Due to Surplus

    American farmers have purposefully poured out more than 43 million gallons’ worth of milk due to an excessively abundant supply of the dairy product in the county.

    The farmers dumped the milk in fields and manure lagoons or used it as animal feed, in the first eight months of 2016, according to the Wall Street Journal, which cited data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The massive amount of milk?enough to fill 66 Olympic swimming pools?is the most wasted in at least the last 16 years, according to the newspaper.

    The U.S. has been dealing with an enormous milk and cheese glut. It prompted the USDA on Tuesday to offer to buy $20 million of cheddar cheese to reduce a private cheese surplus that has “reached record levels,” the department said in a news release.

    1. Is there something that prevents us from exporting cheddar, I wonder? And what is preventing prices from lowering in response to excess supply? Could it be meddling?

      1. Brett L

        “The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese!”

    2. Citizen X

      So why the fuck does a gallon of milk cost nearly $4? It is a mystery!

      1. Lee Genes

        I’m guessing the distributors/pasteurizers keep a lid on the supply by refusing to buy more. There’s probably a little collusion going on as well.

    3. Rufus The Monocled

      B-b-but….what about the kids in…Africa?!

      1. Which ones? the child soldiers? the slaves? or the ones which WHO says are too fat?

        1. Brett L

          I don’t know, who says they are too fat?

          1. The First Baseman.

  45. Hillary Clinton might lose Ohio because she badmouthed coal

    Political pundits don’t talk about coal much. But in southern Ohio, it’s on everyone’s minds. Trains rumble by hourly, often loaded with coal. More than Benghazi, or deleted emails, what people in this part of America remember about Clinton is what she said about coal.

    “We’re going to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business,” Clinton stated at a CNN Democratic Town Hall in Columbus, Ohio.

    That was back in March. But when CNNMoney visited Ohio six months later, it was remarkable to see how many people remembered that line, word for word.

    It’s not remarkable.

    1. “It’s not remarkable.”

      It is to the Clinton News Network – you’re not supposed to think about the bad stuff Hillary said and did!

      This time I’m not sure that even CNN can blame the Russians.

      1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

        Yeah, but Trump said “pussy” eleven years ago, which is way worse than trying to bankrupt an industry on which the entire region relies!

      2. Tyler.C

        You can always blame the Russians

        1. WTF

          What could possibly go wrong?

          1. How was Hil to know Trump was with the Russians, too?

  46. Peshmerga’s cool homemade armored vehicle:
    link

    1. Here’s hoping that works.

    2. Where have you been? Haven’t seen you in a while.

      1. Been at DLI since February. Usually don’t post in the AM links because of PT. No PT today.

        1. Well that explains it.

    3. Brett L

      I bet there’s a mid-80s custom van underneath all that and a mohawked black man with a lot of bling who did most of the welding.

      1. But… that group couldn’t hit anything when they shot at people!

        1. If it wasn’t for gravity, they wouldn’t even hit the ground.

        2. Brett L

          No, see, they were such good shots they were missing intentionally because they were so moral. That’s why they were on the run from the military.

    4. westernsloper

      I’m pretty sure, “shushpanzer” means “grab pussy” in kurdish. The pesh is on the Trump train!

      1. The word is combination of German and Russian. Shush in Russian means something like jury-rigged or improvised and panzer means tank in German. The Russian word for chimera is something shushpanchik, which means something like “creature made from parts of different creatures.”

  47. Sevo

    “Hillary Clinton said under oath in a court filing Thursday that she can’t recall key details about her use of a private email server or she refused to answer questions about it posed by a conservative legal group.”

    So what? Did you hear what Trump said?

  48. Cat Fight

    U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren urged President Barack Obama on Friday to replace Securities and Exchange Commission Chair Mary Jo White, saying she had undermined the agency’s investor protection mission.

    I dont really remember exactly how MJW has done @ the SEC, but i think Warren disliking her is probably a good sign

    1. I dont really remember exactly how MJW has done @ the SEC, but i think Warren disliking her is probably a good sign

      This attitude right here is how you end up with Trump as the Republican nominee.

      1. Stupid people are reliably wrong. Warren is stupid. I know Mary Jo White as a US Attorney and she had a pretty good rep. If warren has problems with her role in the SEC it probably means she’s not serving Warrens anti-Wall-St narrative.

        Your comment is stupid and has nothing to do with my point.

        1. If someone stupid says there is treasure buried 100 miles to the east, that doesn’t mean the guy digging a hole 100 miles to the west is a genius.

        2. KB Check Release

          Forget it Gilmore it’s Stormytown

  49. Derp-o-Matic 5000

    ?Antonio Guterres, the former prime minister of Portugal, has been appointed as the new secretary-general of the United Nations.

    Serious question: We all know Barry isn’t going to ride off quietly into the sunset, so what job will he pursue once he’s no longer in the White House?

    Many people say Supreme Court, and I think that’s a legitimate possibility, as it has the power he craves, the respect he insists he deserves, and it’s an “intellectual” position. But I’m thinking he goes for Secretary General of the U.N. There’s international fame and glory in that, he’d get to lecture the U.S. and meddle in international affairs in a way that he wouldn’t be able to in SCOTUS, and he’s more popular in other countries than he is here.

    1. WTF

      Also, a lot less work as SecGen, we all know how lazy Obama is.

    2. It would really depend on who’s next in the office as to what his options are.

      1. Gadfly

        If I were a Republican president succeeding Obama I would totally nominate him as US ambassador to the UN. It would be an insult to both parties, but neither of them would see it.

    3. Citizen X

      He’d be able to do a lot less damage to this country at the U.N. than he would on SCOTUS, too.

      1. WTF

        So, count on Hillary to appoint him to SCOTUS.

    4. I’ve been saying the same for over a year. SCOTUS is just ridiculous; they know a bunch of people wouldn’t buy that, and he would not get to travel the world and make bold speeches as a SC Justice.

      The UN is where it’s at.

  50. Refugee Arrested in Plot to Bomb German Airport

    Media seems desperate to assert that “he only became a douche after he got here!”, which somehow is supposed to be a very compelling case that importing lots of merely-*potential* jihadis is therefore AOK

    More and more you find that the headline of stories arent “the news” itself, but rather “what you’re supposed to think about the news”

    The below facts had to be dug out of the pile of ‘narrative construction’

    In September 2015, seven months after arriving in Germany where he was granted asylum, Albakr returned to Syria where he joined Islamic State militants in Raqqa, Alaa Albakr said.

    Some 1.5 kilograms (3 pounds) of explosives were found at Albakr’s apartment during a police raid on Saturday but he evaded capture and went on the run for two days.

    Jaber Albakr committed suicide in prison in Leipzig on Wednesday after two fellow Syrians had handed him over to police.

    1. These doctors and engineers seem to be a very dangerous group of people in Germany.

      1. WTF

        I thought they were all widows and children.

        1. Child doctors and engineers, regular prodigies.

  51. Victim-Chic – Awful NYC-Politics Shitheel Joins the Party: “I was molested once, like Trump’s victims“

    “This is the first time I ever publicly talked about this,” Ms. Mark-Viverito said on Thursday, speaking to reporters at City Hall and appearing at times to hold back tears. “Twenty percent of young girls unfortunately experience some form of sex abuse and molestation.”

    “And,” she added, pausing as her words caught in her throat, “I fall in that category.

    “Between the ages of 5 and 8, I was molested by two different individuals at two different points in time, and it’s a reality that you live with every day.”

    Career move

    1. And like Trump”s victims, her allegations were of such a serious nature that she waited patiently for three decades on the off chance she could come out with the allegations weeks before the election.

      1. WTF

        Odd coincidence, I’m sure. Because women have a right to be believed. Unless they are accusing a Democrat.

      2. Stupid 8 year-olds. Stand up for yourself, idiot!

    2. John

      I am not sure if the numbers help by making people say “there must be something to it or hurt by becoming so ridiculous and obviously coordinated people just tune it all out. It is getting close to becoming a joke. Ken Shultz made the joke last night “okay, I admit it, in 1999 Hillary molested me and I have never been the same again.” It was a funny joke. I am not sure the fact it was funny bodes well for how much this is going to effect things.

      1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

        Hillary raped me in 2003. See above.

  52. Between SF and this guy I’m really starting to enjoy the election.

    Owen Ellickson (@onlxn)

    23 hours ago
    TRUMP: I cancelled my Hannity interview. Can’t risk someone that hard-hitting.
    RYAN: (chomp)
    TRUMP: What’re you eating?
    RYAN: Bunker beans

    Owen Ellickson (@onlxn)

    23 hours ago
    TRUMP: The beans cold?
    RYAN: As ICE.
    (click)
    HANNITY: Don, buddy, c’mon!
    TRUMP: You’ll ask me questions.
    HANNITY: I won’t, I swear!

  53. People are stupid and don’t understand what labels mean: much prefer their imagination to reality

  54. Enough About Palin

    296 Refugees Diagnosed with Active TB in Minnesota, Ten Times Any Other State; Majority Are Somalis

    1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      Probably related to the lack of roads caused by their hyper-libertarian government

  55. Arizona_Guy

    I like watching democrat hacks argue that a pervy sexual harasser is beneath the dignity of the Oval Office.

  56. Jerryskids

    The Justice Department will start collecting nationwide information on police shootings and the deaths of suspects in police custody.

    No they won’t. There’s already two laws on the books requiring them to do it, one from about 25 years ago and the other a follow-up “and this time we mean it” law when they ignored the first. There’s an FBI database for when cops get attacked and afaik it’s taken as being the most accurate data available but the counterpart when cops do the attacking database doesn’t exist because “there’s no way for the feds to compel compliance in reporting from the states and locals” – despite the fact that there are federal funds that can be withheld for non-compliance and the feds have no problem whipping that stick out every time they want something done by the states on a “voluntary” basis. So fuck right on off out of here with the “news” that the DoJ is going to start following the law, that’s just laughably ridiculous horseshit being fed to you by the media shills looking for an excuse to praise Chocolate Jesus one more time for the many blessings He’s bestowed upon us because He cares for us so much – and a couple of years down the road nothing will have been done and this will all be forgotten.

    1. and a couple of years down the road nothing will have been done and this will all be forgotten blamed on whatever Republicans are left in Congress

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