Brickbat: Candy from Babies


granola bars
jeffreyw via / CC BY

Parents of students in Ontario's Durham school district are furious that teachers are taking food they have sent to school with their children away from them. They say foods including raisins, chocolate milk, granola bars, banana bread and Animal Crackers have been taken away from their children because a teacher said those foods are unhealthy. And since it's individual teachers making the decisions about what is and isn't healthy, foods that are OK in one school may be banned in another and foods that may be OK in one classroom of a school will be confiscated in another classroom in the same school.

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  1. A parent should pack a bottle of corn syrup and a tub of lard or perhaps go the other route and pack healthy ingredients that require cooking to be edible.

    Oh, and can our Ontario get with the program. You are in California and you are letting foreigners out nanny state you.

    1. A parent should pack a bottle of corn maple syrup and a tub of lard pound of back bacon or perhaps go the other route and pack healthy ingredients that require cooking to be edible.

      1. Thanks for the translation. I am not fluent in Canuckistani.

  2. Arbitrary power is one of the five major food groups

    1. The US has Ontarios in CA, IL, IN, IA, NY, OR, PA, VA & WI. It means “great (or beautiful) lake.”

      Durham Catholic District School Board tells you that Canada is like, a whole `nother country. If I saw a school run as part of US organization like that, I’d say, “Oh, a private school. They can adopt whatever stupidity they want.” My Catholic grade school school used to suggest we not bring treats during Lent. My Mom would give us shortbread instead of Oreos.

      Those Canuckistani religious schools are tax-supported though.

    2. Is it still a pyramid or did they change to a tesseract?

      1. Forget it Jake, they’re in Flatland.

  3. Local mom Tami DeVries says when her son was in kindergarten his lunch of kielbasa, cheese […] was confiscated

    Was this a Catholic school?

    1. De Vries you say? Did they confiscate his Mentats? What about his sapporosappho juicebox?

      1. It is by will alone that I set my fist in motion, toward a teacher’s face.

    2. It’s a Public Catholic School. Most (all?) Canadian Provinces have dual public school systems, one for Catholics and one for protestants everyone else.

      Parents get to direct there school portion of their property taxes to the local school district and get to vote for the members of the school board of their choice.

      For much of Canada’s history religion (as in Catholic vs protestant) has been the subject of much controversy.

      1. Oh, kevrob|10.12.16 @ 5:25AM pointed this same fact out above.

      2. “Parents get to direct there school portion of their property taxes

  4. I keep saying, you only have to tar and feather a handful of these idiots every year to make the rest of them clean up their act…


  5. Look at the Chicago Teachers Union President, she looks like she has stolen plenty of children’ meals

    And there is a lot of teachers who look the same

    1. She could at least unfreeze Han Solo.

      1. +1 humorous you are.

      2. I thought that was Sally Struthers.

      3. Holy Shit I thought they killed off Jabba the Hut!!! At least now we know where all the confiscated food is going…into that maw of doom.

  6. First you don’t want Michelle Obama deciding what all kids everywhere eat, now individual teachers can’t make case by case decisions. Make up you’re minds, libertarians.

    1. Gruel for all!

      1. I thought libertarians didn’t want children to eat all because they oppose those things.

        1. I thought libertarians ate children. You know, like Girl Scout cookies made with real Girl Scouts. Am I doing this wrong?

          1. mmmmm…thin mints

  7. And since it’s individual teachers making the decisions about what is and isn’t healthy, foods that are OK in one school may be banned in another and foods that may be OK in one classroom of a school will be confiscated in another classroom in the same school.

    Yeah, why can’t the school district have inflexible rules for all schools that tie the hands of individual teachers and force them to never consider context when applying punishment?

    1. Why can’t school districts get out of kids’ lunchboxes and leave dietary issues to parents?

      1. Agree 100%, just didnt like the direction the brickbat went in suggesting that one of the problems was a lack of overarching rules.

        1. But when the issue is rules that bind the authorities, not the subjects, a lack of overarching rules can be a legitimate problem. An overarching rule that put the issue of school lunches into the hands of individual students and their parents (the subjects) instead of in the hands of individual teachers (the authorities) would be a plus, and even a rule was restrictive but standardized things may have merit in removing the uncertainty that the current regime apparently entails.

      2. Did you pack your lunch? Has your lunchbox been in your possession the entire time? We have to confiscate this chocolate milk because it is more than 3 oz. Give this list of authorized items and quantities to your guardian. Now go in the examination room for a full contraband search.

      3. because by genetics and environment influence on same, they are predisposed to be ass hats and shit weasels

    2. Individual districts need to act as laboratories of dietocracy, to see what works. I am a strong believer in fooderalism.

  8. Morning, I hope none of these kids get a vegan teacher.

    1. The fun one is the serial fad dieter.

      1. Like a juicer ,or a raw food wacko? Instead of smoking,kids’ will be hiding in the bathroom to eat. I wondre how soon it will be before black market food shows up.? There has to be a kid there that wants to profit form this.

        1. I forget where it was, but I have read a news story about a kid in some school that had banned vending machines just cleaning up by selling sodas and candies to his classmates, so the entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well even in nanny-state schools.

      2. Paleo teacher…is that like samurai delicatessen?

  9. If you don’t eat your meat
    You can’t have any pudding
    How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?

  10. How could any parent resist the urge to send Junior off to school with a big ol’ batch of Ex-Lax brownies? You know those teachers think that “unhealthy” food is only unhealthy for the kiddies, not unhealthy for teachers.

    1. I’m sure these foods aren’t going to ‘waist’..

      1. Like Crusty, it will go straight to their thighs…

    2. Best friend’s brother did that in HS with a chocolate cake in the teachers lounge. Good thing it was the late 80s. He’d be in jail today since it sent one or two to the doctor IIRC.

  11. Man, CNN is concern-trolling the GOP and making sure the American people get the real story on the Wikileaks. (The leak itself is what’s important since these weren’t “journalistic leaks” they were a blatant attempt – almost certainly by the Russians – to affect the US election, what’s in the e-mails is just “how the sausage gets made” politics-as-usual, no big deal, and besides, we already know the contents of the e-mails are being twisted and manipulated by the GOP just to make Hillary look bad if you take this stuff out of context. Nothing to see here, a big nothing-burger, but we’re going to discuss this just to clear the air and set the record straight.)

    1. big nothing-burger

      Too many empty calories. DENIED!

  12. Animal Crackers

    Its not that they’re unhealthy, its more that they’re edible micro-aggressions.

    1. But it’s directed at white southerners so it doesn’t matter

      1. – 1 Picket’s Charge Energy Drink

      2. I thought it was directed at the Marx Brothers.

        1. it would have affected the late Shirley Temple Black, but the citizens of Bridgeport, CT would take it on the chin, again, along with Fairlawn, NJ.

    2. Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west, and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh… Now you tell me what you know.

  13. Just sent my kid to school with ham and salami on an onion roll with provolone, lettuce, tomato, onion and mayo. Vegi chips, a clementine, and a juice box on the side. I imagine only the sandwich and orange would survive the teacher’s scrutiny.

    1. I doubt the ham and salami would pass muster with the health fetishists.

      The ham has to much salt and the salami too much fat and probably too many “chemicals”.

  14. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

    1. If i recall, they’re made w/ lard, so no.

      *the joke was made so often, people checked.

      1. Q) What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

        A) Salad shooter!

    2. But,would you eat a vegan?

      1. Did that once, but she wouldn’t reciprocate. Didn’t eat meat.

          1. Q: What do you call a girl with anorexia nervosa and a yeast infection?

            A: A quarter pounder with cheese!

  15. Holy Shit! After spending the last hour telling us how terrible it is the Russians are trying to affect the election with the Wikileaks hack of the DNC e-mails, they’re now interviewing a guy who’s written a book about how terrible Trump is, Garry Kasparov. Garry Fucking Kasparov thinks it’s terrible that Russians are attempting to influence the election in favor of that terrible monster Donald Trump. And CNN agrees with him – it sure is terrible that Russians are attempting to influence the election. Ho. Lee. Shit.

    1. Tell me, why are you watching CNN?

      1. He might be stuck in an airport.

  16. Well, I don’t know… I remember years back when I was in school a classmate getting slapped and ridiculed by the teacher for wearing a wristwatch with an effeminate wristband. I was kept in a dark room for an hour for refusing to eat things I was allergic to. The “principal” had a horsewhip, and used it. So, in this area maybe the school’s aren’t getting that much worser. In the area of trying to annihilate all freedom of thought, however, they are so much insanely worser I wouldn’t’ve believed it had someone twenty years ago come and told me it would be like it is by now.

    1. And I thought my tour through Christian and Catholic schools was bad. The principals had one of those paddles with lots of holes in it hanging on the wall, and used it on a regular basis. No whips though. Or chains. Or leather slacks. Or frottages. No fun at all, actually.

  17. because a teacher said those foods are unhealthy?


    We’re bad here in the US but Canada still has us beat by a healthy margin.

  18. Why are they eating in the classroom at all? Doesn’t that leave crumbs?

    We did have a milk & cookies break in kindergarten (wasn’t a full day anyway), and we did have parties w food during the excess days at term’s end (not enough snow days those years), and some b’days, but otherwise I don’t recall being allowed to eat in the classrooms.

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