Imaginary Gunmen Attack Los Angeles Airport
The phantom shooters strike again.

Last night rumors of an active shooter turned Los Angeles International Airport inside out. According to ABC News, "Passengers breached security doors and spilled out onto the airport tarmac." The airport's official statement describes the crowd's behavior more gingerly, informing us that travelers "self-evacuated onto the tarmac" and "rushed through federal security screening without being properly screened." By the time the lockdown was over, there had been 281 flight delays, 27 flight diversions, two flight cancellations, and at least one injury.
The injured person was trampled by the crowd. No one was injured by the gunman, because there was no gunman. The whole episode was a mass delusion, set off by a loud noise and, possibly, by a fellow dressed as Zorro. "Someone yelled that [the Zorro man] had a sword, which turned out to be wooden," ABC says. "Later, reports of an active shooter began to spread throughout the airport, but it remains unclear if those reports were related directly to the man in the costume."
This comes two weeks after sounds mistaken for gunfire set off a similar security scare at JFK Airport in New York.
Active-shooter false alarms are more common than actual active shooters. This summer alone, we've seen them at a Nevada campus, a North Carolina mall, a Maryland military base, a Florida Chipotle, a New York shopping center, and several other locations; just a few days ago, shoppers fled a mall in Orlando after they thought the sound of balloons popping was the sound of a gun being fired. But the phantom attacks at JFK and LAX stand out, because airports are the most heavily policed places that large crowds of ordinary American civilians pass through every day. Twice in two weeks, we've seen that security apparatus collapse at a sign of trouble. And in at least one of those two collapses, the apparatus wound up actually feeding the fear. At JFK, New York magazine described guards plunging into hysteria, including one in a stairwell "sobbing hysterically and screaming" and another "dismissing anyone who turned to him for help or leadership by yelling that he didn't want to die tonight, either."
In Los Angeles, airport police have denied reports that they told travelers to flee. That might be true: If people are relaying rumors of gunshots that didn't really happen, they could certainly also mistake a passenger yelling "Run!" for an officer yelling "Run!" It might also be false. NBC's Lester Holt, for one, says he saw security personnel joining the stampede. There's nothing about a uniform that makes a man immune to alarm.
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ISIS right? Ugh I hope it wasn't them damn pups again....
You can never be too careful.
Tell it to the guy who got trampled.
Better trampled than shot by Zorro. What if that sword was actually a gun???? Or a gun disguised as a sword? Or a gun that shoots swords????? Then what??? Did you ever stop to think about that????
+1 Final Fantasy franchise
I think I'm the only person on earth whose favorite PSX Final Fantasy game series was Final Fantasy VIII.
My ex wife posts here?
SWORDSPOLSIONS!
Borderlands gun. And the swords explode.
I'm waiting for the sequel: SWORDNADO!
OH MAN! But what if the sword you shoot EXPLODES? And then turns into three smaller swords... WHICH THEN EXPLODE?! It would be like a SWORDSPLOSION! Tina, make Roland's gun do the things I just said!
That reminds me of my favorite Paranoia weapon. The gun that shoots saw blades.
In pristine condition, aiming wasnt much of a thing. When you reloaded the blades and tried to fire them again, things got extremely sketchy.
Guns don't kill people. Zorro kills people.
+96 Liverpool fans.
I have not laughed this hard in so long!
"There's nothing about a uniform that makes a man immune to alarm."
Doesn't a uniform imply they've had training in how to deal with alarm?
You would think that.
But I doubt a person's subjective viewpoint of who was participating in a "stampede" -- a confusing situation to be in to begin with -- should be definitive.
When I talked to the people who were bragging about getting a job as airport security right after 9/11, all I could think of was "Man, we're in trouble."
Why do I expect that this incident will somehow be twisted into an argument for more gun control?
Imagine if they allowed wood sword conceal carry in airports. How much worse would this situation have been? Innocent bystanders felled by pine or, worse, oak.
::Shudders at the horror::
None of this would happen if they would just make airports a sword-free zone, but our politicians are too subservient to big sabre.
I've been hit, by accident, with wooden practice swords.
Those fuckers hurt.
Incentive for more or less practice?
Yes.
Nothing's worse than pine. Especially cheap pine, unstained and with a shitty lacquer coating.
Nothing like a nice piece of hickory.
Wouldn't be hard at all. As long as people believe anyone could have a gun....
NBC's Lester Holt, for one, says he saw security personnel joining the stampede.
There are (unarmed, untrained) private security employees at airports who, from a distance, could look like actual security officers. Also, it's not like TSA officers are good for anything other than pushing the X-ray machine buttons.
Fuckin pups. Sorry.
No one can prove that the imaginary shooter wasn't a false flag operation.
Just follow the money.
He clearly overpaid a costume store in West Hollywood for that outfit...
The important thing is that all Americans maintain a constant state of bowel-spilling fear at all times. Only then can we be truly safe.
I'm pretty sure it's a conspiracy by Big Depends.
My own pants are filled to the brim but that could have been something I ate.
+ 1 Chipotle burrito
, informing us that travelers "self-evacuated onto the tarmac"
It's pretty certain there was a LOT of "self-evacuating" going on.
Events like these are why I have started to wear Depends at all times. I encourage all of you on a tight budget to do the same.
OT: There was a real shooter in Chicago. And his name was "Darwin". Anyone else notice that?
She was registering her kids at Dulles school of excellence. Greatschools rating 1 of 10. Excellence In action
"Someone yelled that [the Zorro man] had a sword, which turned out to be wooden," ABC says.
Looks like this masked terrorist just might be...
[dons sunglasses]
...part of a splinter cell.
*standing groan*
Nevertheless, Crusty...
...wood.
(??_?)
In Los Angeles, airport police have denied reports that they told travelers to flee
I believe the airport police. Isn't the official stance when there is an active shooter to cower in place and wait for police to arrive after the shooter has run out of ammo, killed himself or left the scene?
It gets confusing when it happens in a place that is already full of police - like an airport.
By "police" I mean SWAT Team which is 2.5 hours away.
"The injured person was trampled by the crowd."
A nation of George Costanzas.
Sounds like the sheep had a baaaaaad night.
Good one, Franky! Thanks for not reluctantly droning me today... yet... heh....
Uhm - I'm pretty sure he used to do that sort of thing *in person* you know.
I can't wait for DJ to restore some 'law and order' around these parts. I mean it's just getting ridiculous.
Jill Stein does not approve this message.
Mudjir
Sorry I'll dance faster!
"Someone yelled that [the Zorro man] had a sword, which turned out to be wooden," ABC says.
Just like his performance.
I thought maybe he was traveling with a former UCLA coach.
"rushed through federal security screening without being properly screened."
And then everyone hijacked a plane as expected.
dismissing anyone who turned to him for help or leadership by yelling that he didn't want to die tonight, either.
Turning to a security guard for "leadership". I prefer entrails.
Y'all realize that this is proof that the terrorists have won, right?
HE JUST SAID TERRORISTS OMG RUN! SAVE YOURSELVES!
NBC's Lester Holt, for one, says he saw security personnel joining the stampede. There's nothing about a uniform that makes a man immune to alarm.
The security personnel must adhere to the union's rules.
Remember the Mumbai attack when there were armed Indian police and security forces literally feet from the actual shooter and wouldn't engage?
I did not know that, however I am not surprised.
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.....87352.html
+1 safe homecoming.
Lucky they didn't say, "Sitting duck, huh?" & shoot him!
This summer alone, we've seen them at a Nevada campus, a North Carolina mall, a Maryland military base, a Florida Chipotle, a New York shopping center, and several other locations; just a few days ago, shoppers fled a mall in Orlando after they mistook the sound of balloons popping for the sound of gunfire.
Don't forget Union Station.
Man, I remember that. Even in the world of gun control freaks, that exhibits an exceptional degree of cognitive dissonance and/or excessive faith in words on paper.
You people are never prepared. And there's no security.- Wulfgar
The bit about wooden swords reminds me of our vacation last summer. We went on a Caribbean cruise, and while at the port stop in the Bahamas we bought my 8 year old a really cool wooden sword with a dragon on the hilt and his name carved into the "blade". When we got back to the ship, we were informed by a crew member that we would have to hand it over until the end of the cruise because it was a weapon. We laughed, thinking she was kidding. She didn't laugh, because she had no sense of humor and was dead serious. When we got it back at the end of the cruise, it was broken. Assholes.
You should have told her it was a walking stick.
"It's his swagger stick."
That sword was the gay blade, of course.
A few more of these, & then a real shooter can systematically shoot everyone in some damn airport over the course of a week or so, each of them saying, "Active shooter, huh? Not fooling me again."
These morons fear guns so much that they have never actually heard one being shot. Add to that the fear of terrorismand suddenly every loud noise becomes a terrorist attack.
Oh, and I believe they "took down" the guy dressed as Zorro, based on what cause?
Shorter: Most people are craven little bitches; did you know that?
Really? I used to go to LAX multiple times a week because a parent worked there; never saw anything too out of the ordinary. Somebody dressed like Zorro with a (fake) sword would raise eyebrows, at the very least...
LAX is near the top of my list of crappy airports to avoid at all costs.
+1 The Sword & The Sorcerer
I'm not witty enough to think that way. I'd probably make too-loud comment about how that guy seems to have a sword, setting off the panic.
I just made a connection through LAX, and I can confirm that somebody walking around dressed like Zorro wouldn't draw a second glance.
All airports are the same place.
Except Jackson, MS. It is a special undocumented level of hell.
I was thinking Zardoz, myself.