Brickbats

Brickbat: Acting Like Zombies

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Zombie knife
Target Zone Sports

England and Wales have banned zombies knives, stylized blades that are supposed to be useful in fighting zombies. Northern Ireland Justice Minister Claire Sugden wants that country to ban them, too. Sugden says there were eight people killed with knives or sharp instruments in the nation last year. No word on how many of those people were killed with a zombie knife.

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  1. Morning, the pussifacation of the Brits marches on.

    1. Mornin’. How they gonna fight the zombies in the hills and on the beaches?

      1. They’ll just surrender, or maybe feed them some of what passes for food over there. Even zombies can’t stomach that shit.

    2. My ancestors hail from various parts of Germany and Britain (English and Scottish).

      It still depressed me to think of what has happened to these peoples.

  2. Wondering why the hell their seems to be a media blackout on the Soros leaks.

    If I didn’t hang out on sites with Europeans, I’d have no god damn clue this was going on. And I’m better informed than probably 99% of the American public.

    1. If you’re waiting for propaganda outless like the NYT and WaPo to report news, you’re going to have a long wait.

    2. Soros has his financial tentacles in so many causes and places it’s hard to even mention his name without sounding like a conspiracy theorist.

      Understand he is Jewish and a survivor of the Nazi occupation of Hungary; I find it difficult therefore to comprehend both his hostility to Israel and his predilection for huge government and massive control of citizenry. He has over time given some 11 billion to leftist causes and financially bankrolled groups like Move On and most recently BLM. He seems to hate all things American and of course has engaged in financial manipulation in Europe and the US along the lines of market manipulation and insider trading.

      Pretty clear what does motivate the guy is to be Lord of the Manor and have everyone esle as serfs in his fiefdom.

  3. Alf Hitchcock, lead on knife crime at the National Police Chiefs’ Council, said: “Zombie knives are absolutely horrific weapons.

    Georg Romero, lead on brain crimes at the National Police Chiefs’ Council, agreed.

    1. So is my chef’s knife,hunting knifes and straight razor…The whole country is now populated with spineless ,bed wetting,pants shitting whiners,and some,I assume are good people.

    2. Do they also outlaw Medieval style swords and battle axes? Reproductions of Excalibur?

  4. “Zombie knives have only one purpose – to threaten, injure or kill someone…

    Umm…that’s three purposes right there.

    1. It’s been all down hill since they went to the metric system.

    2. He wants the zombies to win.

    3. “They have three purposes: to threaten, injure or kill someone. And concealment! Four purposes! Zombie knives have four purposes…”

  5. Did anyone check to see if Northern Ireland Justice Minister Claire Sugden is a zombie??

  6. No word on how many of those people were killed with a zombie knife.

    More important is how many of those were already dead, if you know what I mean. And if they were the normal, slow kind or the fast moving type.

    1. Now I’ve got to start thinking about zombie tactics – how best to deploy your various substrains of undead to best capture survivors. I mean, you can’t use the normal zombies as a pursuit force, but they’re cheap and the psychological effect of a whole mob of them will cause humans to steer clear, plus the sheer weight of numbers is superb if they try to hunker down and it goes into a seige. But they’re not that bright, and everyone kinda knows their vulnerabilities…

  7. It has three of those black things that go up! This is just common sense knife control, people.

  8. Sugden says there were eight people killed with knives or sharp instruments in the nation last year.

    And how many people were killed with blunt objects? Do the lives of those killed with rocks, bricks, clubs and other non-weapons not matter? Common sense non-weapon control would surely prevent these murders.

    1. Eight. In the Nation of how many people?

      That’s not even a statistical blip if it’s true.

  9. England was once the greatest superpower in the world:
    PICTURED: Five knives taken off streets of Lewisham in past 24 hours

    1. Billy McCoid Replying louiseCricklewood 7:03pm Sun 13 Mar 16

      Unfortunatly the PC brigade will not stand for it.
      It is up to the Gov to make sure punishment is severe enough to deter those who want to carry a weapon.

      This dude probably used his real name, too.

    2. Are you kidding me? I have more threatening knives on my front porch. (I haven’t found the right place to keep them, but it’s a closed porch, so they’ll be fine)

    3. Is that a paring knife? Thank God that is off the street. Is there a potato peeler buyback program in effect?

  10. “An industry-backed code of practice on the naming, promotion and packaging of all knives also needs to be created – something similar to that of the alcoholic drinks industry – which would promote their responsible sale.”

    I can’t even be bothered to unpack the stupidity in this.

    1. It says “Britain has misplaced their iron and can only find jelly as a substitute.”

    2. From now on, your local supermarket will be permitted to stock “near knives” in its hardware aisle, perfectly suitable for butter and most softer cheeses. Sharper implements will be readily available during convenient daytime weekday hours at state-owned cutlery stores.

      1. I knife registry and a 3-day waiting period for purchase is just common sense.

      2. Now I have to build a sword-launching gatling gun just to counterbalance this.

        1. Oooh. Can I pre-order one?!

        2. I’ve got it.

          The barrels have a narrow rectangular cross section (radial from the center as it allows for a more compact device) The swords have no cross-guards and the handles are built to act as a gas seal sabot. On the loading slot, a piston seats the sword in the barrel. While this slows down the rate of fire, it reduces the number of potential leaks later on. It rotates around until the barrel reached the firing position. A valve head locks to the back of the barrel with a gasket and as yet undesigned locking mechanism, then triggers the valve to release compressed air into the barrel behind the sword. Valve is timed to close just after the sword leaves the muzzle to save on compressed air. Valve head unlocks, barrel assembly rotates, process repeats. The whole thing can be built to run off of an air compressor, and maybe a battery. The biggest engineering problem I haven’t thought of an answer to is smooth feeding from the hopper to the initial loading assembly.

          1. Need some sort of collapsible/expandable fins on the rubber handle to stabilize the blades in flight so they don’t tumble.

            1. That’s not that hard to implement.

            2. Pack the swords as sabot rounds.

              Or could do a “shotgun” design and alternate loads:
              1 2-handed
              2 longsword
              4 daggers

              1. That increases the volume of compressed air required per shot and further slows down the rate of fure, unless your recommendation is a gatling cannon and we’re using powder charges…

          2. Rapid fire crossbow that shoots arrows with razor broadheads seems like it would work better.

            1. We’re not talking about what’s effective. The statement was a sword-firing gatling gun. So that’s what’s being designed.

          3. The biggest engineering problem I haven’t thought of an answer to is smooth feeding from the hopper to the initial loading assembly.

            Simple libertarian solution: Orphan operated(shave them for smoothness)

  11. At the top of the page for this article I’m getting an ad for Deadwood Knives.

    1. Are you a serial killer?

  12. Is that a zombie knife in the picture? May look menacing but that is a horrible weapon design. Chef knife would be more effective. You can’t expect logic from panty pissers though.

  13. Britain is run by pro-zombie forces.

  14. This is prime example of an enlightened progressive society and a paragon of civilization; not even disagreeable looking knives are allowed and besides, it is already illegal in many countries such a GB to defend yourself against an intruder or attacker [so naturally such things need to be outlawed].

    No self reliance need apply.

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