Trump Reconsidering Immigration Stance, Gary Johnson Says Romney Has a 'Guaranteed' Spot in Cabinet, Child Suicide Bomber in Turkey Kills More Than 50: A.M. Links


  • Reason TV

    Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump may be reconsidering the idea of mass deportations. Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is outspending Trump. Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson says 2012 Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney would have a "guaranteed" spot in his cabinet. Green Party presidential nominee Jill Stein visits flood-hit Baton Rouge.

  • Former Secretary of State Colin Powell pushes back on the Clinton campaign's attempt to blame his recommendation for Hillary Clinton's use of a private unsecured email server when she served as secretary of state.
  • A child suicide bomber in Turkey, killed at least 54 people at a Kurdish wedding party, including many children.
  • North Korea threatens nuclear strikes after joint U.S.-South Korean military exercises.
  • A man in Burma was indicted for insulting the military.
  • Olympic medals in Tokyo in 2020 may be made from discarded smartphones.

NEXT: Experiment Confirms Lifesaving Potential of E-Cigarettes

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  1. Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump may be reconsidering the idea of mass deportations.

    That will get him the Latino vote!

    1. Hello.

      1. Morning Rufus.

        Has Canada stopped crying after the Tragically Hip’s final concert Saturday?

        1. Heh.

        2. It’s a Hip injury, but we’ll eventually get over it.

        3. They broke up again? My Saskatchewanean boss locked himself in his office and cried when they broke up the first time, in 2004.

          1. No. The lead singer has brain cancer.

            1. Unless he’s died of a hockey-related injury in the meantime (which is exceedingly likely), i’m sure my former boss is drinking heavily to comfort himself.

    2. That will get him the a Latino vote!

  2. Olympic medals in Tokyo in 2020 may be made from discarded smartphones.

    “I Nokia’d in the Men’s Freestyle!”

    1. Participation level medals are nothing to brag about.

  3. 218) It’s clearly just schadenfreude, but I laughed and laughed at this Slate article today: Why Isn’t Obamacare Working the Way It Should? I love that plaintive headline. Why won’t reality match our ridiculous dreams even though everybody told us it would be a big disaster?

    Don’t worry, Obamacare’s not really failing though?”Obamacare is expanding coverage, which is fantastic. The U.S. uninsured rate fell to 9.1 percent last year.” Great, so a bunch of people who didn’t want to pay for health insurance in the first place are getting it now that it’s being crammed down their throats. What a success!

    You know what would really help Obamacare though? “it seems pretty clear that Obamacare’s subsidies haven’t been generous enough to lure middle-income families” and “lawmakers probably should have given Obamacare a little more time to ramp up by extending the reinsurance and risk corridor programs beyond 2017” More money. What a surprise!

    1. Recall also that much of that “coverage” from Obamacare has deductibles so high that the people who have it are effectively paying for nothing. Even The New York Times has acknowledged this.

      1. I wouldn’t mind a $13k deductible if it wasn’t accompanied by $15k in annual premiums.

        1. And then pays only 80% of medical costs.

          The only people who benefited from O’care are those with so little income they have $0 deductible and littlee or no premiums.

          Prior to the ACA my wife and I had BCBS for $340 a month and $3,000,00 total out of pocket with 100% coverage after that.

          Thanks Obama.

    2. Wasn’t that new “whiz” girl who took over from the previous one supposed to fix up all the exchanges? What’s been her progress report?

    3. That writing style is horrendously condescending. What an asshole.

      1. Yup.

        insurance companies have tended to ask for higher premium increases in states where lawmakers (irrationally) declined to expand Medicaid under the Affordable Care Act, because they just hated Barack Hussein Obama that much.

        1. It’s true. Republican lawmakers are so racist they want poor people to die from lack of free health insurance.

    4. Speaking of things not working (and I realize this has been discussed before)…I was listening to a BBC news story on Venezuela from July. The question asked to start the story was, “What has gone wrong in Venezuela?” Because, you know, everything was going right up until earlier this year.

    5. Obamacare is expanding coverage, which is fantastic. The U.S. uninsured rate fell to 9.1 percent last year.

      Health insurance for everyone, health care for none.

    6. “It doesn’t matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn’t matter how smart you are. If it doesn’t agree with experiment, it’s wrong.”

      I wish Feynman were required reading in HS. What Do You Care What Other People Think? is totally within the abilities of an 11th grader, and would radically alter their worldview to the skeptical.

      1. is totally within the abilities of an 11th grader

        You’re too optimistic. Have you seen the state of government schools?

        Kids go to college and take remedial English lessons.

        1. All those bright people who work for Slate and the Senate/House were in the advanced class. They might have to sound out some words, but there’s very little actual science.

          1. Yes, but 2 of my takeaways from his books: a) if it doesn’t agree with experiment it’s wrong (as you mentioned) and b) overly complicated language designed to confuse impedes progress, are anathema to the journalist/politican class.

            1. Also, that managers bully engineers, and Air Force generals can be wily sonsabitches (the Challenger Investigation story)

      2. What else would you have as required reading in HS?

        Add to the List.

        Brett: What Do You Care What Other People Think?
        Injun: The Law, by Frederic Bastiat

        1. Economics in One Lesson, by Henry Hazlitt.

          1. Hayek, Constitution of Liberty
            The book linked in my handle.

            1. Basic Economics and Applied Economics, Thomas Sowell

            2. A little Sherlock Holmes never hurt anyone. “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. “

              1. This assumes the truth has been identified and included in the choices. Often not the case.(i.e. AGW)

                Sherlock fail.

        2. We would also read Feynman’s 1972 Commencement Address to the USC Graduate School (aka Cargo Cult Science) in class, and discuss how social sciences differ from hard sciences, certainty, uncertainty, and basic statistics.

        3. Paulos’ Once Upon a Number.

    7. The U.S. uninsured rate fell to 9.1 percent last year.

      How much of that is attributable to expanding Medicaid enrollment?

      1. And how much to a redefinition of the term “uninsured”?

  4. Olympic medals in Tokyo in 2020 may be made from discarded smartphones.

    Bronze phones will have 3 dick pics on them, silver 2, gold 1.

    1. Olympic record and you get Wieners?

    2. You got your reward structure backwards

    3. Dick pics?

      Are the medals being made by Carlos Danger, Inc.?

  5. Is Florida About to Be Swamped With Capybara?

    Capybara are real damn cute. Look at this bugger. In fact, capybara are so endearing, that some people may have been importing them to own as pets.

    This might explain why the 100-pound rodents, which are native to South America’s marshlands, have been showing up in places where they don’t belong. According to biologist Elizabeth Congdon, an assistant professor at Bethune-Cookman University, the state of Florida could have a serious capybara problem?and it might be the fault of exotic pet owners.

    For the last few decades, random capybara sightings have been reported to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission by befuddled Florida residents. In 2001, several critters were said to have escaped a captive herd near Alachua. That same year, one was killed on Interstate 10. Others have seen them feeding along the banks of local rivers.

    Florida, the state that every invasive species loves.

    1. invasive species

      Ageist anti-Semite!

    2. Not a problem. All of the non-native snakes around here will take care of them.

      1. I’m not worried. Capybara look delicious.

        1. Good thing there is a ready made predator in place to reduce their numbers: the Florida cougar.

          1. So the capybaras are all gonna die of STDs gotten from older women?

          2. I thought Crusty had hunted them to extinction.

        2. I hear they taste way better than Nutria.

    3. I heard they eat their own shit, but so do other wild rodents.

      Anyhow, they’re edible.

      1. Edibility is the most important concern with invasive species.

    4. They are cute in a resered, dignified way…like the quokka’s introverted cousin

      1. Also, they love hot tubbin’.

        1. Would the leader of the herd be the capy di tutti capi?

    5. A captive herd of capybara?

      1. It’s Florida, Crusty.

    6. They don’t really hurt anything and they are delicious. I hope they show up here.

      1. The one article says they can get up to 145 lbs.

        Hitting one at 60 mph might hurt something.

    7. I’ll bet they taste great. Bring it on

    8. Gator population explodes.

    9. Whew, for a second there I thought it said Chupacabra.

      1. Chupacabra ain’t want nothin to do with crazy-ass Florida.

        1. Our resident skunk apes keep them away.

    10. Speak!!!!!

  6. Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson says 2012 Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney woudl have a “guaranteed” spot in his cabinet.

    I’ll be real disappointed if that spot is anything other than “bathroom attendant.”

      1. Excellent band name, Eugene.

    1. More like bathroom matt.

    2. bathroom attendant

      Getting in and out of that magic underwear isn’t easy.

      1. On the plus side, in a Johnson administration Romney could attend either bathroom.

    3. The One Percent Ambassador

  7. A man in Burma was indicted for insulting the military.

    Support the troops or GIT OUT.

    1. ‘MERIC- wait a second.

  8. Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is outspending Trump.

    So very odd how the usual suspects aren’t clamoring to get the money out of politics this time around.

    1. Yeah, I’ve noticed a resounding silence on TEH EVULS of campaign spending this year….

      Strange, isn’t it?

      1. As strange as the disappearance of the “anti-war” movement in 2009, in spite of the fact that bombs are still falling and troops are still fighting. So very, very odd.

        1. Nah, Obama ended all wars on Day One, remember. That’s just workplace violence over in Iraq, Libya, and Afghanistan.

          1. +1 Nobel peace prize for…something

      2. Hey, every dollar Saudi Arabia sends to Clinton is a dollar they can’t spend oppressing women in Saudi Arabia!!!!

  9. Bigfoot caught on video? Sure looks like a Sasquatch

    The illustrious and elusive Bigfoot, aka Sasquatch or the American version of the Yeti, has captivated the masses since the first reported sighting in 1811.

    Since then, humans have had numerous encounters with Bigfoot, but alas, he has always managed to elude captivity. Perhaps that’s what cultivates so much interest in the could-be mythical creature.

    Is Bigfoot real? Some say yes and some say no but one thing is for certain – the video footage and photographic evidence are always up for debate. Here’s a video to add to the list:

    Recently uploaded by YouTube channel Bigfoot Encounters, a dog with a GoPro camera discovered Bigfoot taking a casual stroll in the woods somewhere in Oregon.


      1. I am such a noob. Can somebody post a link or explain what STEVE SMITH bigfoot rapist is about???


        1. There is an actual libertarian human being named Steve Smith who used to post here. The dude is apparently mega-hairy, which was discovered when he went on one of those Reason cruises. And the guys started teasing him about being a Sasquatch, and then the hiker rape jokes started and things snowballed. References to STEVE SMITH are to his fictional not-quite-human counterpart and are traditionally posted in all-caps to differentiate him from the actual person.

          1. I am not sure I’d summarize him as in your first sentence, but this link has more context.

          2. OK. Now give me a way to keep track of Cyto and Cytotoxic….I can’t keep those two straight.

    2. Bigfoot taking a casual stroll in the woods somewhere in Oregon.






        1. Dammit that was supposed to be in reply to Citizen X

          1. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

          2. Works both ways.

    4. Not at all suspicious that the dog didn’t even react to it.

      1. It’s a human being wearing a pack.

    5. Up for debate still, despite the guy in the most famous photo explaining exactly how he wore a gorilla suit as a hoax AND the zipper on the suit being clearly visible in the photo.

    6. Who knew Bigfoot wears a baseball cap!

  10. Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson says 2012 Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney woudl have a “guaranteed” spot in his cabinet.

    What good news! I shall vote for him at once.

    1. Well, we don’t know what spot it will be. Maybe it’s like the future episode of The Simpsons when Lisa was President and she made Bart “Secretary of Keeping it Real” to get rid of him.

      1. Smell you later, Juvenile Bluster. Smell you later never.

        1. What happened to Johnson? He used to be cool.

      2. Elevate the National Endowment for the Arts to Cabinet status and put him in charge.

        “The shepherd in that photo seems a bit *too* enthusiastic, but who am I to judge? I’m a moderate, not some awful conservative fanatic. Give the photographer a large grant!”

    2. Year One – Romney becomes Sec of Education.

      Year Two – Johnson eliminates Dept of Education.

      Campaign promises kept!

    3. I’m going to bet that this is as close as “outreach to old school Republican voters” as GJ is willing to get.

      What’s funny about current election is essentially none of the three candidates polling at/above 10% (Clinton/Trump/Johnson) really strictly represent the stated core philosophy of their party. They’re basically interlopers who are co-opting that party’s ballot access – not that there’s anything wrong with that, since the ballot access barriers are bullshit. But it basically means none of this is anything other than superficial labeling, GJ is only Libertarian in the sense that he’s a Republican trying to shed the SoCon/Neocon portion of the GOP base, and be able to be more competitive in the middle. The Romney love is reflective of that.

  11. North Korea threatens nuclear strikes after joint U.S.-South Korean military exercises.

    With their proven missile technology, I’d be nervous if I was a Nork peasant.

    1. [cues Little Apple soundtrack]

  12. his recommendation for Hillary Clinton’s use of a private unsecured email erver when she served as secretary of state.

    The “s” in server stands for secure.

  13. Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson says 2012 Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney [would] have a “guaranteed” spot in his cabinet.

    Secretary of Binders.

    1. Secretary of Dog Transportation

  14. Teenagers struck by depression ‘epidemic’
    Third of middle-class girls suffering distress

    The number of middle-class teenage girls suffering from anxiety or depression has surged in the past decade with more than a third now experiencing symptoms of “psychological distress”.

    A government study into the mental wellbeing of 30,000 teenagers, seen by The Times, found that girls were more than twice as likely as boys to suffer symptoms of mental ill health.

    The proportion of girls with anxiety or depression has risen by 10 per cent in a decade. Those from more affluent and better-educated families had worse symptoms than those from less-advantaged backgrounds.

    LH’s Home for Wayward Girls is open for business.

    1. Meanwhile, men and boys are 3X more likely to commit suicide than women and girls. That’s their own fault for being in the patriarchy, though.

      1. Men are so much more proactive.

    2. Ugh. Just, whatever

    3. Mama died young, givin’ birth to a son in a home for wayward girls.

    4. Also, big surprise that affluent people make up shit to have problems with. Poor people ain’t got time to be depressed.

    5. Those from more affluent and better-educated families had worse symptoms

      White people problems/

    6. Send them to work in a soup kitchen or serve as tutors to poor kids.

      Maybe it will cheer them up, if not at least their depression will have a measurable cause.

    7. I am completely shocked; I mean you would think kids would be happy to have their lifed planned out to the second by parents watching their every move. SMDH.

  15. “Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson says 2012 Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney woudl have a “guaranteed” spot in his cabinet.”

    “So there’s the broom and dustpan over there, and here’s where we keep the trash bags, and the dumpster’s behind the building. You can get started any time you want, Mitt.”

    1. Doh! Beat to the punch by Citizen X!

      1. You can’t stop me. I can’t even stop myself.

    2. No, no, Secretary of Public Diplomacy.

      I.e., chief bagman.

      “America would sure appreciate your support against ISIS, sheikh.”

      “I dunno, what’s in it for me?”

      “I am not authorized to bribe you with taxpayer money, but as it happens I own a few companies, and here’s a bag of money from them.”


    Clinton tries to blame email problems on Colon Powell. Typical white woman; when things go south, blame the black man for it.

    1. Colon Powell

      Oh, John.

      1. That was his gay porn name.

        1. And for the record, he was a fine gay porn actor.

      2. I imagine it looks like this.

          1. No way am I clicking that link.

            1. The Japanese characters give it away. Probably involves tentacles….

              1. Hint: I’d suck out the creamy filling.

  17. Mitt Romney woudl have a “guaranteed” spot in his cabinet.
    unsecured email erver

    Ed, I think it may be time to give up on your dream of being able to prepare AM links with your feet.

    1. They were on time, though, so Ed’s feet have that going for them. However, the lack of alt text is disappointing.

  18. Mike Rowe Slams Celebrity Political Endorsements: Election Is Like “The Final Episode Of American Idol”

    Regardless of their political agenda, my celebrity pals are fundamentally mistaken about our “civic duty” to vote. There is simply no such thing. Voting is a right, not a duty, and not a moral obligation. Like all rights, the right to vote comes with some responsibilities, but lets face it – the bar is not set very high. If you believe aliens from another planet walk among us, you are welcome at the polls. If you believe the world is flat, and the moon landing was completely staged, you are invited to cast a ballot. Astrologists, racists, ghost-hunters, sexists, and people who rely upon a Magic 8 Ball to determine their daily wardrobe are all allowed to participate. In fact, and to your point, they’re encouraged.

    The undeniable reality is this: our right to vote does not require any understanding of current events, or any awareness of how our government works. So, when a celebrity reminds the country that “everybody’s vote counts,” they are absolutely correct. But when they tell us that “everybody in the country should get out there and vote,” regardless of what they think or believe, I gotta wonder what they’re smoking.

    1. I tried to have a beer with Mike Rowe once, but was barred by security.
      /single tear drop

      1. Florida Man Arrested For Aggressive Masturbation At Mike Rowe Meet ‘n’ Greet

    2. Considering writing in “Mike Rowe” for president this time around.

      1. I bet people will write in Mike Rotch.

    3. Astrologists, racists, ghost-hunters, sexists, and people who rely upon a Magic 8 Ball to determine their daily wardrobe are all allowed to participate.

      Even people who think voting should be mandatory are allowed to vote.

  19. Homeless people take to the forests. People have no idea why.

    …. officials attribute some of the rise to Colorado’s reputation as a mecca for legal marijuana, and Nederland’s embrace of retail marijuana dispensaries.

    Kulaks and wreckers everywhere, smoking weed and ruining your utopia.



    3. Go to any pro pot rally and it will become very clear why you don’t want to be the first or worse the only state to legalize weed. I am as anti drug prohibition as anyone. The fact that weed should be legal does not, however, mean a whole lot of people who smoke it are not total losers. They would be losers even without the weed, of course. You just don’t want to be the first state to legalize weed and thus attract them.

      1. The pot industry needs better PR or something. Alcohol makes people stupid and irresponsible too, but it has cooler associations…like Dean Martin. Whereas pot makes people think of someone like this

        1. I just state the respective annual traffic deaths associated w weed vs alcohol. Piles of corpses tend to put things in perspective

      2. Amsterdam has known this for years.

      3. Colorado needs to hire John to round up all the dirty hippies and keep them locked up in his basement.

        1. I don’t want those people in my basement.

          1. Or on your lawn, am i right?

      4. Go to any pro pot rally and it will become very clear why you don’t want to be the first or worse the only state to legalize weed.

        Yeah, I can see why being one of the first states to not lock people in cages for getting high, and not harming anyone while doing so, would be bad, John.

        Seriously? You want to live in a state like Oklahoma that makes a second “offense” of possessing weed a felony subject to years of incarceration?

        1. I don’t smoke weed. So yeah. If it were up to me it would not be illegal anywhere. But, that doesn’t change how much it sucks when you are the first state to make it legal. It is what it is.

    4. Nederland is a now famous for something besides keeping a frozen dead guy.

    5. I’ve noticed a big increase in homeless beggars in Virginia over the past 5 years and a lot of them set up tents in wooded areas near cities (usually near prime begging locations like entrance to Whole Foods).

      There is a little forest-ey plot of land near my house and I see hobos emerge from it all the time. I like to call it the “hobo forest” and when one of them comes out, “a wild hobo has appeared”.

    6. There’s nothing in ned. A block of downtown and a few cabins. A few weeks ago and couple guys from Virginia started a forest fire there.

  20. Duterte Threatens to Withdraw Philippines From UN, Hits US

    The Philippines’ brash-talking president threatened Sunday to withdraw his country from the United Nations and lashed out at U.S. police killings of black men in his latest outburst against critics of his anti-drug campaign, which has left hundreds of suspects dead.

    President Rodrigo Duterte pointed to the haunting image of a bloodied child being pulled from the rubble of a missile-struck building in the Syrian city of Aleppo to note the inability of the U.S. and the U.N. to stop such deadly conflicts, complaining that he comes under fire for the killings of criminals.

    The U.S. State Department and two U.N. human rights experts have urged Duterte and Filipino authorities to stop extrajudicial killings in the fight against illegal drugs and ensure law enforcement compliance with international human rights obligations. Philippine police say more than 500 drug suspects have been killed in gunbattles with police since Duterte was sworn in eight weeks ago.

    1. Isn’t this the same guy who has pledged to execute all of the drug users? Funny how all of the amateur psychologists convinced Trump is crazy haven’t noticed that an actual lunatic seems to have been elected President of the Philippines.

      1. Because who gives a shit

  21. I know everybody here will hate the idea of Romney in the cabinet, but a Romney endorsement could very well hand Gary Utah.

    1. I dont like it, but it has this going for it:

      Could it possibly be any worse than a Clinton or Trump cabinet nominee?

      Check and mate. King me.

    2. Vote LP – It’ll be just like voting for a center-left GOP ticket!

      Who can resist that siren song?

    3. You may be correct, but it also strengthens my suspicion that Gary Johnson doesn’t actually know what libertarianism is.

      1. How much strength can you derive from someone’s answer to, “What if Mitt Romney asked to be in your cabinet?”?

      2. Or he thinks Romney is a good administrator (which he is) and would help advance his causes.

    4. GayJay’s courting the Mormons…

      His Romney statements, his wanting to use Utah’s model of “balancing” anti-discrimination accommodation laws with freedom of religion, he’s clearly trying to move to get the Latter Day Saint vote.

      Which… is honestly a pretty good strategy. The Mormons tend to not like the Democrats and they don’t like Trump either, the issues Mormon Conservatives care about Trump doesn’t care about, and the issues that Trump cares about are the ones that Mormons are firmly on the other side of the issue.

      Plus the Mormons control a whole state.

      So GayJay targets the group of people who don’t like either candidate and who control an entire state to pander too.

      It’s not a bad move, strategically.

      1. Utah, Idaho, Arizona, Nevada.

        Mormons and western libertarian-leaning republicans. Not a bad strategy at all.

        Thats 4 of the 6 states I thought I should target, the other two being New Mexico and Colorado.

        1. GJ is polling at 16% here in colorado

      2. GayJay is courting the Mormons? Nothing says Mormon vote like legal weed and Nazi wedding cakes.

        I hate to break it to you Libertarians but the Mormons are never going to be that into you.

        1. The point being that GJ isn’t really a libertarian.

          But he’s a LOT better than either alternative,

          Gay Nazi Cakes notwithstanding.

          1. Maybe so, but he still isn’t getting the Mormon vote.

        2. Reality check, John:

          “An internal poll conducted for Rep. Mia Love two weeks ago found Trump at 29 percent, Clinton at 27 percent and Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson at 26 percent.”

          Utah is in play for the LP.

          1. There are a lot of people in Utah who are not Mormons. And lets see a link to that poll. State polls are usually pretty hit and miss.

        3. “to you Libertarians”

          I’m not one.

          1. I didn’t get a *Harrumph* from this guy!

        4. “Nazi wedding cakes”

          He’s talking compromise on the issue and putting forth Utah as a model. It’s hard to argue that Mormons won’t like the Mormon model of antidiscrimination laws…

      3. Also, I’m sure I’ll take a lot of flack for it, but I don’t think Romney would be a horrible choice for a cabinet pick.

        Okay, when you’re done laughing, hear me out.

        A hypothetical Johnson administration would be in a pretty piss poor position to actually govern. Like it or not, they’d have to build bridges to the two major parties. Like it or not, Mitt Romney still has a lot of influence with major Republicans. And the Democrats would be hard pressed to attack him, given they’ve spent the whole campaign citing him as a Republican they just wish the GOP could be more like. Add to that, the fact that Romney is, by all evidence, a pretty competent administrator. By all accounts, he could be relied upon to ably execute the directives given him.

    5. Johnson is offering to trade something that won’t happen … him being elected president and being able to nominate Romney for a cabinet position … for something that could happen … the LP presidential candidate possibly winning a state for the first time ever.

      Seems like a savvy move to me.

    6. I want to believe it is a tactical (strategic?) move in a concerted effort to get Utah.

      Part of me also believes Johnson is just speaking his mind and does think Romney is swell.

  22. Green Party presidential nominee Jill Stein visits flood-hit Baton Rouge.

    Making sure everyone is paying their fair share of water tax.

    1. I always liked him on SNL as the anchor. I was disappointed when he was sacked.

    2. Crusty, if you’re looking for a restroom and you come to a door marked ‘Gentlemen,’ go on in. You’ll not find one marked ‘Scoundrels.’

    3. Hey bartender, give my friend Crusty a Senseless Knife Fight and I’ll take a Humping A Chick.

      1. Humping A Fat Chick, damnit. Stupid autocorrect.

  23. Do you want to fill this position?

    Forget Tinder, professionals are using LinkedIn to hook up

    n July, a UK marketing executive’s comments went viral after shaming a man who tried to ask her out for a date via LinkedIn, a professional-networking site that currently boasts more than 450 million members. And while it may not be as closely associated with the dating game as apps such as Tinder, eligible, career-minded singles are using LinkedIn not just to find jobs but love, as well.

    “If sharing career interests or finding a significant other who is successful professionally is important to you, it is an amazing resource,” says Roy Cohen, a career counselor, executive coach and author of “The Wall Street Professional’s Survival Guide.”

    “Think about LinkedIn as a starting point in terms of getting to know someone, first on a professional basis and then, if there is something more ? a spark ? allowing it to morph,” says Cohen.

    1. I always pick my potential dates based on their made-up resumes.

      1. Ever notice how many organizations people are a part of?


        I’m just part of ONE. Me.

        And this sorry bunch.

    2. Well, it did say she was a motivated self-starter with a record of getting things done. He sees an opportunity for good head, he takes it.

    3. “allowing it to morph”


    4. It can make the endorsing of people for various “skills” kind of interesting.

  24. Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump may be reconsidering the idea of mass deportations.

    He’s trying to run a leaner campaign by reducing his deportation mass index.

  25. DHS social worker with criminal past in Mississippi lies on forms to take kids away

    Gill agreed to sign, but when she was refused a copy, she secretly took cellphone photos of the safety plan, then signed it and gave it back to Piazza. The photos show the caseworker had signed the safety plan but Gill had not yet signed it.

    Two days later, she and a relative went to Hancock County’s DHS office to find out when she would have a Youth Court hearing because she couldn’t reach anyone by phone.

    When a DHS employee pulled out a copy of the safety plan, Gill said it was completely different from the one she had signed. Someone had filled in lines that had been blank when she signed the document. The alterations included sentences saying Gill admitting to drinking a bottle of nail polish remover and agreeing not to see her children until the DHS investigation was completed.

    1. From the same DHS in Mississippi

      Her toddlers contracted an STD while in foster care

      While the Hancock County Sheriff’s Office was occupied with a forgery complaint leveled against state child-services workers in 2015, Bay St. Louis attorney Edward Gibson met with a client whose two children had been sexually abused and infected with gonorrhea while in state custody.

      The client, Alexandria Faye, said she received a text message June 11, 2014, from a Mississippi Department of Human Services worker urging her to come to a hospital in Gulfport.

      Faye’s two children had been taken into DHS custody after Faye was arrested in February that year. Hancock County’s DHS office then placed the kids in the care of foster parent Erica Weary of Gulfport. The kids, ages 1 and 2 at the time, remained in Weary’s home about four months until DHS workers Harmony Raffeo and Deana Chase took them to a hospital.

      1. I’m sure it’s just that one office. I mean, hey, if offices everywhere in the country were doing anything illegal and heinous, surely the media would be covering it! Therefore it must not be happening. QED.

      2. Jesus Christ that series makes me want to put a hole through the wall.

        1. Violent threats against case workers!

          Children are to removed forthwith from Mr Bluster’s home.

    2. If you kidnapped somebody’s children, you would put in prison for decades. This DHS worker should be tried on the same charges.

      1. The state AG declined to investigate and treated it as a personnel matter. Only the local sheriff is willing to chase it,

    3. Too much homework? We’ll just take your kids.

      The alleged mental abuse was based on accusations made by a Mississippi Department of Human Services worker that the couple had unrealistic expectations of their children, such as requiring them to do too much homework.

      “When I asked them not to do that, the worker continuously said that these allegations have been made and at this point they could do whatever they needed to do in order to clear it up,” she said. “So, we didn’t have much of a choice, or that’s the way they presented it to us.”

      The workers then asked the couple to sign various documents. They initially declined, requesting to have their attorney review the paperwork first.

      “That’s when all the threats started,” she said.

      The workers told them refusing to sign the papers would provide DHS with enough reason to open a case and remove the children, the couple said.

      The 8-year-old knew how to use a microwave to warm up food. This concerned the judge, perhaps because of the anonymous tip that the couple was forcing their kids to cook dinner, Jennifer Berry said.

      “He said, ‘None of the other stuff really concerns me, but what does concern me is that the 8-year-old knows how to use the microwave,'” she said.

      1. “The 8-year-old knew how to use a microwave to warm up food. This concerned the judge, perhaps because of the anonymous tip that the couple was forcing their kids to cook dinner, Jennifer Berry said.”

        Because the 8-year-old is not a moron the judge is concerned? Also, what’s wrong with an eight year old learning how to do some cooking?

        1. Wait. What? Teaching my 8 year old to cook is now abuse? My parents abused the hell out of me.

          1. Shit, at 8 years old our parents and aunts and uncles had us making mixed drinks for them.

        2. My kid was about eight when we taught her how to use the gas range. Four years later, the house still hasn’t burned down.

      2. Skenazy would cover this, but it’s not Free Range Kidsy enough for her to work in a plug to buy her book.

        1. It’s time for a new book: Microwave Recipes for Your Eight-Year-Old

          1. “He’s a good kid, a bit stringy though…”

      3. the 8-year-old knows how to use the microwave

        Um, yes? You push a couple buttons and it heats food up. Not exactly the litmus test of adulthood.

        1. Jesus titty-fucking christ!

          At age 8, I was taught how to gut a fish and fry it over a campfire.

      4. OK, I was inspired to RTFA. Don’t read it if you have high blood pressure. Infuriating beyond belief.

  26. Japan’s Abe Plays Super Mario in Rio to Promote 2020 Tokyo Games

    For a moment, Japan’s prime minister was recognizable around the world.

    Shinzo Abe was dressed as Super Mario, Japan’s biggest cultural export. He popped up out of a green pipe in the middle of Rio de Janeiro’s Maracana Stadium representing his country, where the next Olympic Games will take place. He quickly shed the costume to reveal his usual attire: a dark suit. A presentation heavy on computer holograms followed, with the 61-year-old awkwardly holding a big red ball and waving a plumber’s hat. The reaction on Twitter was predictably enthusiastic.

    It was a nice plug for video-game maker Nintendo Co., the creator of the franchise that has made the Mario franchise, Zelda and other games recognized around the world. A video preceding the premier’s entrance also showed Hello Kitty and Pac-Man, characters from Japan’s Sanrio Co. and Bandai Namco Holdings Inc. respectively. “I borrowed the power of Japan’s characters as I wanted to show Japan’s soft power,” Abe told reporters in Rio in comments carried by local media.

    1. For a moment, Japan’s prime minister was recognizable around the world.

      Pictured here sans costume.

    2. “I borrowed the power of Japan’s characters as I wanted to show Japan’s soft power,” Abe told reporters in Rio in comments carried by local media.

      Considering the state of the Japanese Defense Forces, it was all he had.

      1. The Japanese SDF may be small, but they’re hard.

        1. Quantity has a quality all its own.

          /General Staff School

          1. I presume this was the unit about the Red Army?

    3. “Elect a chief executive named Abe, they said. It worked for America, they said.”

  27. DOJ: Stop jailing people just because they can’t afford bail (+video)

    Holding a defendant in jail simply because they can’t afford a fixed bail amount is unconstitutional, the Justice Department said in a brief it filed Thursday in a Georgia lawsuit.

    “Bail practices that incarcerate indigent individuals before trial solely because of their inability to pay for their release violate the Fourteenth Amendment,” the department said in an amicus brief, referring to the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution.

    “Fixed bail schedules that allow for the pretrial release of only those who can play, without accounting for the ability to pay unlawfully discriminate based on indigence,” said the department.

    1. Isnt that the purpose of bail though?

      I do see the problem, but how do you fix without getting rid of the concept of bail altogether, which just means everyone ends up in jail until trial, which is a far, far worse problem.

      1. I would support getting rid of bail altogether. Unless the government can show that the person is a continuing danger or has refused to abide by the terms of his release, there is no reason for the person to be in jail before trial. If someone refuses to come to court or live by the terms of their release, fine, stick them in the can and they can wait for trial. Otherwise, what is the point?

        Think about it, if someone is willing to run or is a real danger to society, why is taking their money or more likely their families money as collateral going to change that? How many people who would otherwise have ran or committed a crime really change their behavior out of the threat of losing their usually borrowed bail money? Damn few if any.

        Bail accomplishes two things; it makes bail bondsman rich and it sticks poor people in jail before trial forcing them to agree to plea bargains regardless of their guilt. That is all it accomplishes.

        1. I guess that is fine.

          I could see “flight risk” being abused, but otherwise that makes sense.

        2. I don’t like the idea of getting rid of bail because it places all the incentive on the state to deliver, which is going to result in greater demands from police unions for money, benefits, and special privileges.

          The only problem with bail that I can see is that it essentially amounts to a fine (of 10% of the nominal amount) paid to bail bondsmen by those who don’t have the means (or familial relations) to come up with the money. Yet the counterpoint to that problem is the right to a speedy trial. Instead of paying bail, you can invoke that right* and get the matter squared away. Yet I have a feeling most people would rather pay the bail and the bondsman’s fee.

          * = Here is some ignorance/oblivousness/optimism on my part; when I think “speedy trial”, I think “within the week”. My guess is the state defines the term much more loosely.

          1. “within the week”

            I am move i/o/o than you. To me it means, “you arrested me, you think you have the evidence, lets go, RIGHT NOW.”

            If someone demands a speedy trial, you get it on the docket within one business day.

            1. s/move/more/

            2. We are talking about people who have been indicted, not just arrested*. So it seems reasonable to me that, if the prosecution really has cleared the “probable cause” standard**, then they can have a couple of days to collect and prepare their evidence to meet (or not) the “beyond a reasonable doubt” standard.

              * = Without getting into the question of standards of proof for arrest vs. indictment
              ** = Feel free to assume further naivete on my part

              1. Since we are talking indictment, that means they need even less time. They already prepped the case for the Grand Jury, if the defendant then demands a speedy trial, no need for the prosecutor to prepare again.

                1. Well, you’re pretty much saying that there’s little purpose to an indictment, except to announce the start of a trial. That’s not necessarily a bad idea, but it’s a pretty strong departure from where we are. It also leaves open the question of transport to venue. If you committed the crime in jurisdiction X and are presently in Y, then can you be arrested in Y for transport to X before your trial begins? How long can such a delay be?

        3. The problem with bail is that it is pointless. What do you think causes people to show up for trial? The threat of losing their money or the knowledge that not showing up will mean an extra and serious charge and the sheriff showing up at your house to haul you to jail anyway only this time facing even more time?

          It is the latter. If the threat of more time doesn’t get you to show up, the threat of losing your bail money won’t either. All bail does is fuck poor people and force them to agree to pleas so they can get out of pre trial confinement.

          1. Bail doesn’t have to give you a reason to show up, per se. It only has to give someone a reason to make you show up. I understand where you’re coming from but you’re forgetting that in any situation where bail is paid by a proxy, that proxy has the incentive. And as noted, if the indicted individual doesn’t like the arrangement, then he can press for a speedy trial instead.

            1. Sorry but bounty hunters are not a good argument here. Most “bail jumpers” are people who have not even violated the terms of their bail. The bondsman just screw them as an excuse to keep the money.

              And oh, bounty hunters are not restricted by the 4th Amendment. They engage in all kinds of viscous behavior and violate people’s rights left and right. As bad as cops are, bounty hunters are worse. They are the scum of the earth.

              If bail isn’t cause people to show up for trial, and I don’t think it is, then there is no point in having it.

              1. Bounty hunters don’t come after you until you’ve failed to show up to court. And they aren’t generally involved with petty offenses for one reason or another, anyway. So you’re basically saying that it’s unfair to people charged with serious crimes to face outlawry for skipping bail. Well, don’t fucking do that.

                I’m not seeing the great crime perpetuated by bounty hunting here, and as you already noted the bail (or the bondsman’s fee) is often times paid by relatives. They can get your ass to court with (presumably) a lot less force than a bounty hunter.

                1. Bounty hunters don’t come after you until you’ve failed to show up to court.

                  Thinking on this bit, it’s probably not quite accurate or at least doesn’t tell the whole story. I’m guessing that the bondsman isn’t always going to rely on the goodwill of whoever paid your bail to ensure you make it to court. I would guess that he or one of his agents (who may or may not be considered a bounty hunter in these circumstances) will try to escort you to court prior to the date and time of your mandatory appearance. However, I would assume that they have less freedom of action prior to you becoming a fugitive.

                  1. I’m guessing that the bondsman isn’t always going to rely on the goodwill of whoever paid your bail his fee to ensure you make it to court

                  2. The bondsman set their own terms in addition to what the court requires. The bondsman can revoke bond at any time. All he has to do is deliver the person up to the authorities and he gets his money back. So bondsman have every incentive to dream up excuses to revoke people’s bond. Most people that bounty hunters catch have not missed a court date. It is an unbelievably sleazy and awful business.

                    1. I’d like to know how widespread that is. On the one hand, it amounts to horrible customer service and seems self-defeating. On the other hand, it is a captive market so there is little choice for the customers. Also, if they revoke the bond, don’t they have to issue a refund of the fee?

                      I’d also like to note that if “Most people that bounty hunters catch have not missed a court date” is true, then they’re not “bounty hunters” as there is no bounty. They’re just thugs with a license from the courts. Which reminds me of a certain other group of people…

  28. The Robot Subsidy Act

    As $15 per hour wage floors phase in in cities and states across the country, companies will have even stronger incentives to invest in robots. The job losses for less-skilled workers will accelerate. And while this policy will certainly harm struggling small businesses, it is very much in the interest of certain large corporations. Silicon Valley technology executives and venture capitalists will reap the biggest benefits from what is essentially a subsidy to the information technology sector.

    To be sure, the trend toward automation would happen with or without radical minimum wage hikes?and, in the long run, the elimination of mindless, routine tasks is a good thing. But at a time of economic transition, when labor force participation is dwindling, we have no reason to accelerate what is in the short run a painful and disruptive trend. Policymakers genuinely interested in reducing inequality and raising standards of living for those at the bottom should look to other areas?like tax credits, housing, immigration, and job training?to raise workers’ incomes without replacing them.

    1. like tax credits, housing, immigration, and job training

      Translated as:

      Tax credits: Free sh1t
      Housing: Free sh1t
      Immigration: Protectionism
      Job training: Free sh1t


  29. Parasitic wasps to be released in the Ottawa region over next two days

    The Canadian Forest Service will be in the Ottawa area over the next few days to release parasitic wasps. The wasps are being released to fight the emerald ash borer, an invasive species of beetle that destroys ash trees.

    In a press release, the Eastern Ontario Model Forest says that the Ottawa area is expected to lose most of its ash trees.

    There are two species of parasitic wasp being released in the area. One has the scientific name of Oobious agrili and the other is called Tetrastichus planipennisi.

    The way these wasps will be disposing of the beetles is gruesome.

    What will they use to get rid of the wasps?

    1. Those ash borers are nasty.

    2. They will import monitor lizards to eat the wasps, and then tanukis to eat the monitor lizards, and then tigers to eat the tanukis, and shortly after that the remaining 15 or so Canadians will flee south.

      1. To Florida, to escape their invasive species problems?

        Although, capybaras are definitely cuter than parasitic wasps.

        1. Half the population of Quebec already comes down here in the winter. We don’t need the population of Ontario here too.

    3. Exotic flying lizards.

  30. A 12-year-old is running Trump’s campaign office in Jefferson County, Colorado

    WHEAT RIDGE, CO (KDVR/CNN) – Donald Trump’s campaign has some young blood among its leadership.

    And by young, that means 12 years old.

    In one of the most important counties in swing state Colorado, Donald Trump is relying on 12-year-old Weston Imer, who runs the Jefferson County operation for the Trump campaign.

    Jefferson County is one of the most populous counties in Colorado and is part of the Denver metro area.

    Imer is in charge of the operation where volunteers will gather and help get out the vote, and while sitting behind a desk may not be the coolest thing to do, he hopes to use the position to inspire others.

    “Get involved,” Imer said. “That’s what I’m going to say. Get involved. Kids need to be educated.”

    Imer’s mother, Laurel Imer, is the official field coordinator on paper, but she wants to give her son most of the responsibility and help show other parents – Democrat or Republican – how to get their kids involved.

    “You have a responsibility to your children to teach them,” Laurel Imer said.

    School starts for Weston Imer in September, and he hopes to lead the field office until then, recruiting friends and making Trump – who he has met – proud.

    1. Hey, there’s no reason a smart 12 year old shouldn’t be able to do lots of jobs. More power to him.

      1. Hell, an average 8-year-old has been running Trump’s entire campaign thus far, and Hillary’s got a toddler with cretinism running her information security team.


        /”Honorable” Judge Derpit T. Derpstein.

    2. Hannibal had the dudes riding the elephants each carry a metal spike to thrust in the beast’s skull if it went rogue and attacked his troops. I think a 12 year old could do that.

      1. Heck, Hannibal was younger than that when he went on his first military campaign with his father.

        1. Kids don’t honor vows of hatred like they used to.

      2. “I gotta say I’m opposed to child labor, like as a rule, but there are some kinds of labor that children are just better at. You ever try to fit into a mine shaft? That is a tight squeeze.”

      3. I’m not volunteering my 12 yr old to ride on Trump’s back!

    3. They were going to appoint the kid to Trump’s Twitter team, but the kid thought the Twitter posts he’d be expected to make were too immature.

  31. I can see that the scum in the JournoList is going absolutely bonkers because Rudy Giuliani called Hildog the sick, feeble old woman that she is.

    They’re absolutely terrified that the normal low information American might find out what an awful condition she’s in.

    1. It is really remarkable how bad her health is. Remember, these are the same people who made fun of John McCain and Bob Dole’s war wounds and tried to imply it made them unfit for the office. Hillary can’t walk up a flight of stairs without assistance and no one says a word. There is no way that woman survives four years in office. I am really surprised the left signed off on Kaine being her running mate and didn’t insist on someone from the left end of the party. If she wins, Kaine is likely to be President come 2020.

      1. Well, most of them were like 12 when Bob Dole was running.

        But it is amazing how little you hear in the mainstream news about Hillary’s health. Seems like a legitimate concern. I wonder if she’ll make it to the election without some major health crisis.

        1. A friend of mine brought up a really scary proposition. What if Hillary has a stroke and becomes incapacitated the Sunday before the election? What then? It would be too late to put anyone else in her place, but how could the country vote for someone who was incapacitated? What if she died right before the election? What then? I honestly don’t have an answer for what the country would do.

          Worse, what is she she became incapacitated or died after having won the votes in the election but before the electors meet and actually select the President in December? It would be chaos. I am not sure the electors can vote for a dead person or for the VP for President. I don’t know what we would do.

          It is completely irresponsible and reckless for the Democrats to run someone in as poor health as Hillary seems to be.

          1. YOu know. This idea irritates me since it ignores what is actually happening in an election.

            At the end of the election, a slate of electors is chosen for each slate.

            So, here in MA there are 11 guys chosen to act as electors by the democratic party. They will travel to Washington DC and cast 11 votes for Hillary Clinton in December of this year.

            If Hillary is dead, they can vote for someone else.

            Hell, I know there are state laws requiring them to vote for the party candidates, but what consequence would they face if the cast votes for Jim Webb? Well, other than irate Massachusetts “Liberals” stringing them up with artisinal ropes woven out of fair trade cotton-yarn.

            1. They could but it would be a disaster for the country. Whoever lost wouldn’t see the election as legitimate. As much as I loath Hillary, I fear an election being seen as illegitimate by a large section of the country more than I fear her being President.

              1. This country survived the election of 1876 okay.

                And 1824 and 1800 and 2000.

              2. I fear an election being seen as illegitimate by a large section of the country more than I fear her being President.

                Perhaps it’s my Turkish heritage speaking: I don’t think you should fear it.

                An illegitimate election would mean that people are far more willing to blow off the President. It means they have an easier time deciding to treat his edicts with contempt. Congressmen can actually consider impeaching him without being accused of treason against the people.

                The direct election of Presidents contributes significantly to the disaster that is the U.S. government. We are far better off when the majority of people think their ruler shouldn’t have been given the job.

              3. “I fear an election being seen as illegitimate by a large section of the country more than I fear her being President.”

                Why?? We might actually get some checks and balances restored then. Seems like a much better situation than the usual status quo where everyone ignores the blatant corruption of the higher ups because they see the president as being legitimate.

                1. No, we won’t get checks and balances, we will get real civil unrest, which would be a total fucking bitch.

          2. This is why its a bad idea for states to restict an electors vote. In those states that are wide open, the Elector can vote for whoever they damn well please, which is necessary for situations just like that.

          3. “If, at the time fixed for the beginning of the term of the President, the President elect shall have died, the Vice President elect shall become President. If a President shall not have been chosen before the time fixed for the beginning of his term, or if the President elect shall have failed to qualify, then the Vice President elect shall act as President until a President shall have qualified; and the Congress may by law provide for the case wherein neither a President elect nor a Vice President elect shall have qualified, declaring who shall then act as President, or the manner in which one who is to act shall be selected, and such person shall act accordingly until a President or Vice President shall have qualified.”
            -Section 3 of the 20th Amendment

            1. “Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.

              1. “Thereafter, when the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that no inability exists, he shall resume the powers and duties of his office unless the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive department or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit within four days to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Thereupon Congress shall decide the issue, assembling within forty-eight hours for that purpose if not in session. If the Congress, within twenty-one days after receipt of the latter written declaration, or, if Congress is not in session, within twenty-one days after Congress is required to assemble, determines by two-thirds vote of both Houses that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall continue to discharge the same as Acting President; otherwise, the President shall resume the powers and duties of his office.”
                -Section 4 of the 25th Amendment

                1. Yeah, they seem to have covered it pretty well. Unexpected deaths were a more common thing back then.

                  1. Unexpected deaths were a more common thing back then.

                    People just explode. Natural causes.

        2. Yeah, I think Reason better stop worrying about “the case for/against Hillary” and start writing about “the case for/against Kaine”.

          1. For: whenever he talks, his eyebrow gets higher and higher over the course of his speech until it disappears over the back of his head. It is hilarious.

            Against: everything else.

      2. The official talking point of the leftards is that it’s all just a “conspiracy”. The pictures of her being helped up five stairs by two men, the stools she has to lean on all the time, the maybe Secret Service guy with the diazepam injector pen who’s never more than ten feet away, the e-mail from Huma that she’s “often confused”, her often bizarre behavior out in public, it’s all just a figment of everyone’s imagination!

  32. Florida now has a capybara problem

    Joining an already robust list of invasive species, capybaras, the world’s largest rodents, are now popping up in Florida.

    It’s believed the semi-aquatic South American mammal was accidentally released in Florida (meaning, someone’s pet escaped) sometime in the early 21st century.

    The massive rodent prefers to live in tropical forest areas along rivers, lakes and marshes and it’s estimated that there are at least 50 currently living in the Florida wilds.

    Citation needed on the “problem”. I’m like Cytotoxic when it comes to introducing more adorable critters into ‘Merica’s Wang.

    1. Food opportunity?

      1. Yeah, according to the people who brutally beat me to the punch above.

        Florida Man has probably eaten worse.

      2. It’s pretty good eating, from what I’ve heard.

    2. Florida now officially has R.O.U.S.

  33. Woman sacked for appearing in porn gets payout from NHS

    A woman who appeared in a series of porn films has been has been given a payout by her former bosses at the NHS.

    Kathleen Molloy, who uses the name Dylan Devere, was found to have been unfairly dismissed after her alternative line of work was discovered.

    Liverpool Community Health NHS Trust has been ordered to pay compensation of ?2,000.

    A tribunal heard she offered ‘adult baby minding’ services for ?120 an hour and starred in films such as Omar’s Fat Bird Frenzy and the Deadly Sins of Mistress Sinclair.

    British Porn should be outlawed under the Geneva convention.

    1. I can’t think of a less appealing name for a porn film than “Omar’s Fat Bird Frenzy.”

      1. You lack imagination. I can think of several.

    2. *looks at pic, vomits*

      1. My tallywacker had the same reaction.

        1. Come again?

          1. What you did, I see, mistah.

          2. No, i don’t think so.

    3. I have to give her props for that actually.

    4. My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

      1. Thanks for taking one for the team. Imma no click now.

        1. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

        2. It’s just a dumpy middle aged British woman in a suit.

          Rufus must have googled her videos.

          1. /quietly scratches off ‘to do list’ while stoically staring at Zeb.

    5. What makes British porn unique?

      Incantations of “Jolly good” while having sex?

      1. Chocks Away! Tally Ho! Smoke me a kipper.

        1. A right good rogering!

      2. They also serve tea and scones with clotted cream, and all live in houses with thatched roofs.

      3. The dentistry.

  34. Vegans are like a ‘sect’ and should all be killed, top chef says

    A top Italian chef has brought down the wrath of vegans after he said they were a ‘sect’ and said he would like to ‘kill them all’.

    Gianfranco Vissani ? a hugely popular TV chef ? told the On Air prime time chat show, ‘Vegans are like members of a sect, they’re like Jehovah’s Witnesses.

    ‘It’s true, and I mean vegans, not vegetarians. What would I do with the vegans? I would kill them all.

    Naturally, his comments haven’t gone down too well on social media.

    1. Eh, vegans are far too feeble and malnourished to do anything about it.

    2. Does he have any capybara recipes to share?

      1. True story, I was at a gun show in Texas about ten years ago and there was a stand hawking free samples of nutria. In case you don’t know, a nutria is a big ass rat similar to the capybara that has invaded Louisiana. They are trying to sell people on eating them to create a demand so they will be hunted out.

        That is all fine and good, except that it is real hard to sell people on eating what a amounts to a big rat. So, the stand was saying a nutria was “a South American game animal”. I still laugh at the euphemism.

        1. I’m sure they’d eat that in China or Vietnam. At something at a street stall in Seoul that was meat, but the lady wouldn’t tell me what it was. It was good.

          1. My dad ate monkey once at a street stand in Vietnam. That is actually a good idea. I bet you could sell nutria meat to SE Asia. They have to put it politely, a broad palate when it comes to meat.

            1. My wife still speaks wonderingly and disgustedly of the absence of pigeons in Chinese cities (her sister in law is a native of Shanghai).

              1. We eat pigeons in the West, too. We just call them “squab”.

              2. +1 squab

          2. They will eat any living thing that won’t kill you in China or Vietnam.

            1. The traditional East Asian idea is “everything whose back faces heaven”

        2. Come on, it has “nutria” in the name, it has to be good for you.

        3. “They are trying to sell people on eating them to create a demand so they will be hunted out.”

          The Caymans did the same thing with the lionfish problem. The difference likely being that lionfish are tasty.

          1. It is a good idea in theory. And nutrias may be tasty. But it is still a fucking rat.

            1. When I was a kid in East Texas eating armadillo was considered a novelty. It was something that certain people did on ocassion to prove coolness. I never had the ocassion to eat it myself. Fortunately my father never felt the need to attract the attention one got for having armadillo on the pit.

              Years later it was discovered that armadillos can carry leprosy. Cleaning an armadillo out of it’s shell was a bloody event.

    3. I don’t get what was wrong about what he said.

    4. the wrath of vegans

      Worst band name? Or a good album title for The Meatmen?

    5. I think I heard something this weekend about a proposed law in Italy that would forbid parents raising their kids as vegans.

    6. Trolling millenials is so easy.

  35. Texas’ Maternal Mortality Spike Hard to Explain ‘in Absence of War’

    Advocates blame state for slashing health care funding, forcing clinics to close

    More women die in Texas from pregnancy-related complications than in any other US state?or even in the rest of the developed world, reports the Guardian. A study in the journal Obstetrics and Gynecology found that the maternal mortality rate in Texas doubled in just two years, with 148 deaths in 2012, up from 72 deaths in 2010. This was during the same period the state slashed health care funding for women, notes the Huffington Post. The US was the only developed country where the maternal death rate increased, the study found. Across the US, there was a 27% jump in the number of women who died per 100,000 births, with 23.8 deaths in 2014, up from 18.8 in 2000. (Only California saw a drop.) Yet the authors say the hike in the death rate in Texas?no other state saw a similar uptick?was difficult to explain “in the absence of war, natural disaster, or severe economic upheaval,” per the Guardian.

    1. “in the absence of war, natural disaster, or severe economic upheaval”

      Well, it can’t possibly be any of those, so I’m going with “It must be drugs, alcoholism and general wastrel idleness” for the Daily Double.

    2. This was during the same period the state slashed health care funding for women, notes the Huffington Post.


      a) some program that has at most a tenuous connection to maternity was cut (or allowed to expire); or
      b) some program failed to receive the 10% funding increase they wanted and got 5% instead; or
      c) state funding had absolutely nothing to do with what happened and HuffPo is just grasping at straws.

    3. “148 deaths in 2012, up from 72 deaths in 2010”

      For those wondering how big of an issue this actually is, based on the recorded number of births in Texas during those two years, the amount of maternal deaths during birth was 0.039% in 2012 and 0.019% in 2010.

      1. Look, do you expect basic statistical literacy from HuffPo? Sheesh, it’s like you want the “distribution” and the “variance” and other made-up stuff. All that matters is IT WENT UP and funding was SLASHED.

        1. A year or so ago the Texas Sec of State announced that Texas was gaining population to the tune of 1000 people a day.

      2. So the real takeaway is that giving birth is very safe in this country, even where deaths are most common.

  36. The other week I managed to tear the muscle in my calf. I don’t recommend it unless you want to limp around like a one-legged sea captain.

    Oddly enough it didn’t happen while working out but while using the diving board. A huge jolt of pain tore down the length of my leg. When I came up from the water my wife said she could tell something was wrong since the color just drained from my face. I limped home in much pain, thinking it was just a leg cramp. The swelling and bruising, however, was an indication of a more serious injury.

    1. Ow, that’s going take a while to heal. Sorry to hear it.

    2. Your wife didn’t shoot you? Either she is a naif bleeding heart, or your stud services are most impressive.

    3. I was on the diving team from elementary to high school. On parents’ night in high school I signed up for the most difficult dive I could. 2 and a half in pike. I got up on the board all dead serious and proceeded to pull down my suit at the peak of my dive and mooned the crowed. Got suspended for 2 meets. Well worth with it.

      1. Is that why you had to flee the country? To get away from the sex offender status?

        1. Every kid who grew up in the 80’s would make that list today.

          1. Guilty as charged

            1. ( i ) Had my ass pressed against car windows more often than I care to remember.

              1. go on…

            2. ( i ) Had my ass pressed against car windows more often than I care to remember.

              1. Friend of mine in high school who was the 2 time state champion lightweight wrestler got stuck in the window of the team bus mooning the cheerleader bus. Like all good teenage boys, we left him there with his bits dangling over the highway for longer than we probably should have.

                He also earned local fame for the best comeback line of all time. We were trying to chat up a couple of girls and they gave us the cold shoulder, so he immediately rejoined with “that’s Ok. I have to take a dump anyway” and walked off.

                Now, not the pithiest comment of all time… but lightning quick and if you were 15 it was appropriately off-putting to keep you laughing about it for the next 3 years.

  37. Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is outspending Trump.

    And Obo outspent both Romney and McCain by substantial margins. But we have to get the big money out of politics or something…

    1. It’s noble and virtuous when rich billionaires give money to Democratic politicians in exchange for sweetheart deals and special access.

    2. No, we have to make sure that only the right people get the right kind of big money.

    1. Stupid is as stupid does

  38. How ObamaCare is splitting in two

    Increasingly, there are two ObamaCares.

    There’s the one in coastal and northern areas, where the marketplaces include multiple insurers and plans. And there’s the one in southern and rural areas, where there is often little competition, a situation that can lead to higher premiums.

    “There’s really two kind of stories that are playing out,” said Cynthia Cox, who studies insurer competition at the Kaiser Family Foundation (KFF).

    The trend is likely to be accelerated by the departure of Aetna and UnitedHealthcare from ObamaCare marketplaces in 2017. The loss of those insurers won’t affect all parts of the country equally, experts say.

    “The combined effect of these exits is mostly concentrated in southern states and particularly rural counties within those states,” Cox said.

    1. What? You mean central planning and overreaching hubris sold as “helpful to the poor” hurts the very people the cronyists claimed to be helping? What?

      Next you’ll tell me Venezuela is on the verge of massive economic and social collapse or some shit.

  39. Olympic medals in Tokyo in 2020 may be made from discarded smartphones.

    I’m all awareness-ed out after this Olympics.

  40. Sarah Brady’s replacement

    We knew we had to speak up — and stand up.
    It was December 2012, and 20 kindergartners and first graders had been murdered in their classrooms at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. It was as heartbreaking as it was senseless.

    It was then that we decided to devote ourselves and our second chance at service to making our communities safer from gun violence. To do our small part, we’d help fight for better gun laws and policies that keep deadly weapons out of the hands of dangerous individuals while respecting the rights of law-abiding gun owners like us. It just seemed like the responsible thing to do.

    1. a historic sit-in on the House floor, and an entire program on gun safety at the Democratic National Convention.

      Never trust a Democrat on gun rights, even if they pretend to be pro-rights.

    2. I don’t see anything about getting of “gun-free zones”. How unsurprising.

    1. and not a single soul could be found…

      1. The lady with the “Most Porcelain Skin” has potential.

    2. Immediately after the group photo was taken, the sun came out from behind a cloud and burned them all to ash.

      1. LOL

        The generation before and after me are red-heads – all I got was the flammable skin.

        1. Do you have any gaps in your memory from your visit to Transylvania, or to that lame school in Oregon?

  41. World records set at car auction

    Two world records were set Friday night for the most expensive British- and American-made cars ever sold at auction.

    Unnamed buyers plunked down $21.8 million and $13.8 million for the cars — a Jaguar D-Type race car and the first Shelby Cobra ever made. The cars were sold at an RM Sotheby’s auction event in Monterey, California. Both prices include auction fees.

    1. That Jag is a work of art. So is the Shelby. I would take the Jag here. The Shelby is great but you can get a 289 Cobra for around a million dollars. Is having the first one really worth an addition $13 million? I don’t see how. The Jag in contrast is close to a one of a kind.

      Who knew worn out race cars would become so valuable. I bet you could have bought that D Type in the early 60s for next to nothing.

  42. A child suicide bomber in Turkey, killed at least 54 people at a Kurdish wedding party, including many children.

    He was pretending he was an Obama drone.

    1. Not sure a “child suicide bombing: can even be a thing. More like, 51st hapless victim of evil cowardly mastermind was a child.

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