Gawker Being Shut Down, Lochte Accused of Lying (and Then Things Get Dumb), Chicago Wants to Fire Officers over Shooting: P.M. Links


  • Ryan Lochte
    Patrick B. Kraemer/EPA/Newscom

    After purchasing the Gawker empire for $135 million, Univision has decided to shutter itself, but will keep its other sites like Deadspin and Kotaku operating.

  • So it turns out Ryan Lochte and two other Olympic swimmers made up the story about being robbed at gunpoint to hide an altercation at a gas station in Rio when they broke a bathroom door. This is what Brazilian police are saying.
  • The Justice Department says it's going to end its contracts or reduce its use of private prisons for federal criminals. Maybe they'll let a bunch of people go, then?
  • Yes, the U.S. withheld a $400 million payment to Iran until it released some American prisoners. Why do people keep thinking it was a ransom payment? Such a mystery.
  • Chicago Police are attempting to fire seven police officers for giving false information in the fatal 2014 shooting of Laquan McDonald.
  • "President Barack Obama is unlikely to break from a New England vacation to survey Louisiana flood damage, despite calls for him to visit." Your move, Kanye.
  • Twitter has shut down 360,000 accounts for threatening or promoting terrorist attacks.
  • Here's an explainer over why some American flags were ordered removed from some fire trucks in upstate New York. (Spoiler: "liability")

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  1. After purchasing the Gawker empire for $135 million, Univision has decided to shutter itself…


    1. Hello.

      How sloshed were those swimmers? And will the Brazilians sink them?

      TUNE IN.

      1. With Ryan Lochte, you knew things would be dumb.

      2. And my phone is now telling me that Brazilian police have confirmed that they had a gun pulled on them, but deny that there was any evidence of a robbery. Which is funny since I completely believed there was a robbery but didn’t buy that a gun was held to his head and cocked.

        This whole Olympics is just ridiculous. Fucking third-world nations, man. At least we’re kicking China’s sorry ass. USA! USA!

    2. Boooo!

      I go work for Lyft full-time for a month or so and this is what I come back to?

      1. Were you expecting the release of the STEVE SMITH Goes to Warty’s Basement children’s novel?

        1. *Searches Amazon, haz a disappoint*

      2. Was Jesse impressed with your giant mustache?

        1. So pink. So fuzzy.

        2. He’s consistently disappointed in my lack of zipper-less clothing choices.

  2. Fuck you Twitter and you Locte!

    1. In my haste I misread the Twitter link.

  3. This is what Brazilian police are saying.


    1. The famously unimpeachable Rio police force.

      1. I don’t necessarily believe Lochte’s story but I absolutely do not believe anything coming out of the mouths of the police, the judge or the other swimmers following their detention and interrogation.

        1. Yeah the cops are corrupt and incompetent but Lochte is a known media whore so the tie goes to Brazil on this one as there’s no evidence of anything happening.

          1. Lochte is a known media whore

            I never heard of him before this incident but I’ll take your word for it. What strikes me is that this is the exact kind of dumb-ass story that a bunch of shit-faced dudebrahs might come up with to cover some stupid shit they did.

        2. I’ll wait until those other swimmers are back in the U.S. and then see what they say. I’d say anything to get the hell out of there.

          1. “…get the hell out of there” and back to plumbing systems that can handle toilet paper.


    2. Copsuckers.

    3. Ok, so putting 2 and 2 together, the swimmers probably were acting rowdy, and the police asked them for bribes to make it all just go away. Unaccustomed to third-world shakedowns, they took it as a robbery.

      Makes more sense than anything else I’ve heard so far.

      1. So obvious when you put it like that. I glanced at the article and it said a security guard or something did pull a weapon.

      2. Yeah, it sounds like several “listen to what happened to me in Cancun” stories I’ve heard over the years.

  4. Michael Moore: Trump does not want to be president

    Moore, writing on The Huffington Post, says that Trump ran for president as a negotiating tactic, hoping to leverage a higher pay packet from NBC. The broadcaster had formerly employed Trump as the star of the reality TV show The Apprentice, but fired him after he called Mexican immigrants “drug dealers” and “rapists” at his campaign launch.

    According to Moore, who does not name his source, Trump continued his campaign only to increase his stock with other television networks.

    “And then something happened,” Moore writes. “And to be honest, if it happened to you, you might have reacted the same way. Trump, to his own surprise, ignited the country, especially among people who were the opposite of billionaires.”

    1. Ugh, Michael Moore says something that makes sense to me? Man, i hate days like today.

      1. I know, right?

      2. Stopped clocks and fat commies have something in common?

        1. Run your mouth enough and you’re bound to say something sensible every once in a while. Even if it is an accident.

        1. Wow, a not morbidly obese Moore

          1. It’s not actually Moore.

    2. They said a similar thing about Obama.

      1. Obama isn’t that fat.

    3. Trump does not want to be President? Huh.

      We’re in agreement on something.

      (Full disclosure: I’m also hoping that Cankles strokes out prior to Election Day, but I’ll take the extinction-level asteroid strike as a consolation prize…)

      1. Like, with a clot?

        1. I think this is where I’m supposed to narrow my gaze, but my inner punster cries out for at least a golf clap.

  5. “President Barack Obama is unlikely to break from a New England vacation to survey Louisiana flood damage, despite calls for him to visit.” Your move, Kanye.

    I’m’a let you finish, Shackleford, but…

    1. Your move, Kanye

      See, this is how links are snarked.

      You payin’ attention, Mr. Fruit Sushi?

      1. You are saying it needs some furisnarke seasoning?

    2. Barack Obama doesn’t care about Cajuns!

    3. Your move, Kanye.

      Epic line, Scott. Just epic.

      Before the right wing media started picking up on this angle, I was wondering about it myself. I recalled Bush flying over the area in the immediate aftermath and getting pummeled for being so cavalier and uncaring that he wasn’t immediately on the ground.

      He wasn’t even on vacation, and he actually did visit the area and put in personal face time with the principals. I found it shocking that it wasn’t even mentioned on any of the mainstream news outlets I watched.

  6. Why do you hate Louisiana, Obama?

    1. Frankly, why would you want him there? It’d just be him giving a shitty photo op to show that he ‘cares’, and then nothing would come of it. Having a President tour your disaster area seems pretty pointless, and having it be Obama is even more pointless.

      1. I think the point is, if Bush did this…(insert choice of hysterics here).

        1. Look, if Obama wants to take the next four months off on vacation, that’s fine by me. Because he’s been far less destructive and/or annoying when he’s been on his constant vacations. Yes, he spends a shit ton of money on them when Bush at least had the decency to vacation at his own property, but at least it keeps him from screwing up. When he’s on vacation he’s far enough away from the power, but still ‘respected’ enough that it flatters his ego, preventing him from doing ‘important’ things. It’s win-win.

          Do you really want him to spew out some condescending nonsense speech lambasting the American public about, I don’t know, black trailer parks flooding more than white ones while pretending to be some great unifying leader? Or do you want him to shut the fuck up and give us a break until his joke of a Presidency is over?

          1. It is known fact from testing that dark-skinned people absorb radiation from the nuclear fireball more readily than fair-skinned people, due to albedo. Hence at a certain range where white person is burned to a skin-falling off state by the flash, the black person will combust.

            Even nuclear weapons are racist. Coincidence that they were invented by International Jewry? I think not.

  7. Twitter has shut down 360,000 accounts for threatening or promoting terrorist attacks.

    I hope this includes those people twitting me messages with the hashtag #MakeAmericaGreatAgain.

  8. Well I missed Dirty Limerick Thursday last week due to working hard (OR HARDLY WORKING AMIRITE???).

    This week lets roll back the clock.

    “There once was a loser named Mitt…”

    1. “Who denied he had ever been lit”

      1. When he went for a ride,
        His dog to the car roof he tied,

    2. On magic diaper did he sit

    3. Who Could Never Quite Find His Wife’s Clit…

    4. Who was into young boys who were fit.

    5. But would only pay them with a chit.

  9. Chicago Police are attempting to fire seven police officers for giving false information in the fatal 2014 shooting of Laquan McDonald.

    Yeah I doubt it.

    1. Yeah I doubt it.

      I think it could happen, but it depends on how guilty* Rahm Emmanuel still feels* about the situation.

      * ‘guilty’ and ‘feeling’, of course, indicating a conscience which Emmanuel lacks and is really more directly tied to being seen by his constituency as doing something about police reform.

      1. * ‘guilty’ and ‘feeling’, of course, indicating a conscience which Emmanuel lacks and is really more directly tied to being seen by his constituency as doing something about police reform.

        The Rahm API (feelz) param returns value depending on provided result (poll).

        Think I read that in the manual.

  10. WTF is wrong with reason right now? All of the pages are freezing when I try loading them in Chrome or Firefox. Firefox is at least kind enough to offer a “stop script” dialog box.

    1. Yeah I have that issue here frequently

      1. It seems to have stopped now.

    2. I thought it was my phone. Which is getting bad at a bunch of things

    3. For once, hitting the “stop script” option actually stops the script.

    4. They are determined to embed ads in every available pixel of the screen not actually used for text.

  11. Trump discusses race, says Democrats have screwed up the lives of black people

    “Our job is not to make life more comfortable for the rioter, the looter, the violent disruptor. Our job is to make life more comfortable for the African-American parent who wants their kids to be able to safely walk the streets. Or the senior citizen waiting for a bus. Or the young child walking home from school….

    “To every voter in Milwaukee, to every voter living in every inner city, or every forgotten stretch of our society, I am running to offer you a better future….

    “The Democratic Party has run nearly every inner city in this country for 50 years, and run them into financial ruin.

    “They’ve ruined the schools.

    “They’ve driven out the jobs.

    They’ve tolerated a level of crime no American should consider acceptable.”

    1. (I’m not endorsing the article’s headline)

    2. Yep, sounds like a racist fascist to me.

    3. the War on Cops and not enough cops on the street portion of his speech was delusional.

      1. The criminal justice debate in this country has degenerated into an argument between two groups:

        One groups says the police are the shock troops of white supremacist racism.

        The other group says cops are embattled defenders of civilization who are entitled to deference and lots of money and power.

        The first group took the cause of criminal justice reform, hijacked it, and turned it into a retarded parody of reality.

        The second group starts looking more reasonable because of the behavior of the first group.

        1. Yeah, I’ve been halfheartedly arguing that this is an intentional conspiracy by the “community activist” leadership. They’ve picked exactly the wrong hill to die on every single time, and always made it entirely about race. They’ve hijacked an important issue and turned it into abortion, social security reform, immigration reform…. just another wedge issue that isn’t meant to resolve anything, only to divide. And it really sucks because I think we had a real opportunity to make some changes.

      2. Red meat for the base. Like it or not the majority of Republicans are delusional on the cop issue. More cops in poor black neighbourhoods has been trumpeted as vital. Because that solves cops choking people or shooting kids with plastic guns somehow.

        1. Also, you’d be shocked at the amount of people I’ve seen defending the Kent State shootings lately. Because ‘shooting unarmed college kids’= ‘law & order conservative’ now.

          1. What’s happened “lately” to bring Kent State back into public consciousness?

            1. It’s obvious why they’re talking about it, but it’s a rather obvious mask slip on the conservative side.

              I am amused by conservatives who scream about ‘re-education camps’ coming but think it’s entirely acceptable to have national guardsmen shoot idiot college students ‘because social justice is RUINING this COUNTRY!!!!’

              1. A Google search showed that there has been a new Kent State lawsuit and some kind of UN petition.

          2. Maybe an account of Kent State that DOESN’T come from the left might help………….just sayin’

          3. Because ‘shooting unarmed college kids’= ‘law & order conservative’ now.

            Niven’s Laws
            1)Do not throw shit at armed men
            1a)Do not stand next to someone throwing shit at armed men.

            Though I believe he originally formulated those after the 68 Dem convention.

    4. Damn, when Trump gets on point, he gets on damn point.

    5. Holeey fuckin balls!

      Trump was on message?!?

      What’s the over/under on how long before he backtracks/over-commits and completely fucks this up?

      1. Two days

  12. Here’s an explainer over why some American flags were ordered removed from some fire trucks in upstate New York.

    No capes!

    1. All those U.S. citizens who win medals in the Olympics and then literally wrap themselves in the flag have some ‘splaining to do, too.

  13. After purchasing the Gawker empire for $135 million, Univision has decided to shutter itself, but will keep its other sites like Deadspin and Kotaku operating.

    Kotaku and Jezebel live? Why even bother buying the Gawker empire? I wanted to see yellow journalists and mentally unbalanced feminists wail and gnash their teeth. *pouts*

    1. You mean Columbia trained journalists….

      1. Toe-MAY-toe

        Toe MAHHH toe

    2. Univision is owned by a major Clinton donor? have you noticed The Onion has gone soft on her lately?

      1. So has Bill…

  14. NICS delays.…..un-buyers/

    Gun stores have noticed the delay after filling out the federal forms and calling in the National Instant Criminal Background Check System (NICS).
    “We had customers in here waiting an hour to three hours. Some of them, we said, ‘Hey, we’ll call you when we hear. There’s nothing we can do,'”

    1. Hey, it takes time to interface with the Obamacare system to see if the applicant should be denied due to a medical marijuana prescription.

    2. Define “Instant” in bureaucratic terms.

      1. Instant (bur.) – occurring not less than 1 hour and not more than 17 years following the submission and approval of the proper accurately and thoroughly completed paperwork.

        1. As long as you get the receipt for the receipt of the paperwork it’s all OK.

        2. An East German goes to buy a Trabant and the salesman says it’ll be delivered on this day in 15 years. The customer asks, “Will it be delivered in the morning or the afternoon?” The salesman replies, “It’s 15 years from now ? what different does it make?” The customer then replies, “My television will be delivered in the morning.”

    3. I have to wait 3 business days everytime. And no, there is no reason I should be flagged.

      1. because of state law or because of NICS maximum delay?

        1. The latter

      2. “Everytime”

        How often do you buy guns? Have you considered a CCP?

        1. 3 times in 4 years. Yeah, I’m honestly not in some huge hurry when I buy. Although this last time I was buying a Baretta and you got 2 mags and a mag holster if I bought it by the next day. So I put a down payment on it and contacted Baretta and they said they would honor it since I had the down payment receipt during the promo period. Still waiting but they said it would be a while. Hopefully I get it.

        2. I buy once every couple years. I have X number of guns, where X is greater than 2 and less that 10. I have zero NICS background checks.

          I’m in the market for a shotgun right now, specifically for turkey hunting. The sporting goods stores have some Remington 870s and Mossberg 500s around $250 after rebate, so it’s really tempting

          1. Thats a good deal. You should buy. Both have lots of accessories available.

        3. Don’t believe it gets you out of the NICS federal requirement?

          Maybe if a state has it’s own program?

          1. I’m not sure.

            It says here that there’s no wait time on firearm purchases for CC folks, anyway.

            1. Excuse me. Upon further review. I guess there’s no waiting period, period. And background checks are “not required” for firearm purchases. You basically just can’t be visibly intoxiated

        4. Initially I never had a problem so who knows. It did start wirh Obama ao I’ll blame him since that’s somewhat satisfying.

    4. This must be a definition of “instant” with which I was previously unfamiliar.

      1. You were instantly entered in the secret government database… What else do you want?

    5. On that note, I’m looking to buy my first handgun. Shot several over the years at camp with the family. Any suggestions would help. I’m not loaded, so 1k 1911’s aren’t an option.

      1. I have a S&W M, and it’s fun to shoot. You can probably get a used one in the $350 range if you look around.

        1. M-and-P 9*

          (Damn squirrels)

      2. Most gun stores have used guns at something of a discount, if that helps.

        First question: revolver or semi-auto?

      3. Buy the cheapest model from a reliable company rather than the cheapest model you can find. Taurus makes quality handguns for less.

        1. I’ve always been nervous of Taurus ever since they were shown to drop fire.

          Like this

      4. Don’t know if you’re looking to do concealed carry or not, but I love my Ruger GP100. Thing’s a goddamn tank and is a blast to shoot.

      5. HK’s VP9 is a pretty amazing pistol. Striker fired, HK quality and PSA has had them for under $600

    6. It’s my understanding that in that situation you have to sell them the gun by law. I could be mistaken.

  15. “President Barack Obama is unlikely to break from a New England vacation to survey Louisiana flood damage, despite calls for him to visit.” Your move, Kanye.

    Kanye West doesn’t care about caddy people.

    1. Couldn’t Obama visit the area and blame global warming?

      1. Shh! Don’t give him ideas.

        Let him enjoy his taxpayer-funded golf trip.

        1. He’s probably powering down, eagerly waiting for the time when he can be on a beach somewhere, getting a…oops, I mean on a beach somewhere.

          1. My biggest beef with Obama is that he’s going to be open his mouth a LOT when he leaves the White House.

            Bush has been silent since he left office, and that has made him tolerable.

            But Obama won’t do that. The narcissist will keep sticking his nose into everything. And with no reelection, the true lefist side will come out.

            “Guns are bad… mmm’kay?”
            “Second Amendment means National Guard… mmm’kay?”
            “Universal pre-k government daycare… mmm’kay?”
            “Free healthcare Cuba-style…. mmm’kay?”

        2. I’d prefer that he just golf from now until January.

          1. January of what year?

    2. You’re doing a heckavu job Westie.

      1. Remember how the media shredded GWB for Katrina?

        Obama gets a thorough bootlicking by the press, as expected.

  16. The Justice Department says it’s going to end its contracts or reduce its use of private prisons for federal criminals.

    So then neither the Clinton Foundation nor Valerie Jarrett has any money tied up in the private prison industrial complex.

    1. I was told by a nice young person seeking petition signatures that the heads of the major music studios all have financial ties to private prisons, and that’s why they promote the types of rap and hip hop that lead young black men to lives of crime.

      1. It really goes all the way back to Elvis, man!

        1. What was swing, chopped liver?

    1. I guess he was right.

      1. My (libertarian! woman!) wife is convinced Perkins is deep in the closet. Looking at pictures of him lately I’m pretty sure she’s right.

        1. Marlon Perkins was gay? I figured he was into bestiality.

          1. Perhaps both?

            1. Well that dog isn’t licking its dick itself. Oh wait…

    2. Without even clicking through I can tell you this is not ironic. If an act of God fucks up someone else’s day it’s divine punishment. If it fucks up your day, God is “refining you in fire”.

      Aaaannd after clicking through:

      Perkins claims that God sent this deadly flood not to punish the gays but rather “as an incredible, encouraging spiritual exercise to take you to the next level in your walk with an almighty and gracious God who does all things well.” In fact, he urges Christians to rejoice that God considers them “worthy of suffering for his sake.”

      Fuck this guy.

      1. I suppose in some sense there’s a consistent position; God is testing us all through suffering. Kind of makes him seem like a dick, though, because the suffering seems to be kinda random and the effects aren’t uniform (some people die, some people get to make press statements).

        The problem is the smug, self-righteousness attitude of “I’m better than you”.

        1. him in the second sentence = God

        2. Not consistent at all, it’s purely based in a holier than thou rationale. Well, OK, consistently shitty.

        3. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

          It must be hard having the founder of your faith and God made manifest on earth saying things that make you look like a complete tool every time you open your mouth.

          1. That would require some epistemic openness which I don’t think the FRC set have a lot of.

      2. So it’s not ten thousand spoons when all he needed was a knife?

        1. Dontcha think?

    3. Tony Perkins? Isn’t his real name Norman Bates?

  17. Chicago Police are attempting to fire seven police officers for giving false information in the fatal 2014 shooting of Laquan McDonald.

    ATTEMPTING? Wait, what?

    1. Full-blown due process hearing, followed by “firing,” followed in a year or so by an arbitrator’s ruling that firing was too harsh and that 30 days of desk duty is sufficient punishment.

      Just my guess.

      1. …followed by the city’s remittance in full of back pay and restitution for accrued sick and vacation days…

    2. It means they’ll “fire” them, after which point the union will appeal, and the officers will be re-hired in about 12-18 months with full back pay, including overtime.

    3. Why does Chicago hate cops?

      1. Hate ’em? They are setting them up for a nice long paid vacation with a bonus. I wish my boss hated me like that.

  18. Yes, the U.S. withheld a $400 million payment to Iran until it released some American prisoners. Why do people keep thinking it was a ransom payment? Such a mystery.

    This was a ransom. And it sends a bad message to the world.

    I can’t remember India negotiating with terrorists until Union Minister Mufti Mohammed Sayeed’s daughter was kidnapped by Kashmiri separatists.

    It’s been downhill since then for India when it comes to terrorist negotiations. Ordinary people demand the same sort of negotiation that a politician’s daughter got.

    And it may well be what happens to the US.

    1. Does anyone know who these prisoner were that made them so important? Or was this just because of the timing. It happened a day after the Iran deal.

      1. For some of them, there had been heavy lobbying to get them freed. One, in particular, was an Iranian Christian pastor who had been arrested for obvious reasons.

        1. Obvious reasons? Like renouncing Islam and then proselytizing for Christianity?

          1. charges of undermining national security through private religious gatherings in Christian homes

    2. The US wasn’t paying to have Iran release the hostages. Iran was releasing the hostages to get the money paid back.

      I guess that’s the line they’re going with.

      1. LOL.

        “I didn’t pay the woman for sex, your Honor. The woman offered sex so she could get the money I wanted to owe her.”

    3. Remember when Reagan nearly got watergated for his (comparatively puny) Iranian hostage deal? Good times.

      1. Ah, but the reason the Dems were so pissed about that was because it involved sending money to the Contras, who were fighting the glorious socialist government of Nicaragua.

    4. The US has always paid ransom since the days of Thomas Jefferson and the Barbary Pirates. we just publically claim we don’t in a effort to dissuade additional kidnapping.

      Jefferson even paid ransom to the Pasha on the eve of military victory.

  19. Yo Reason, you might want to cover the NSA hack.

    1. Remember this the next time the NSA demands backdoors into everything. They can’t even keep their sh1t secure.

      1. You know who else demanded a backdoor?…

        1. Husbands?

        2. Jim Morrison?

        3. Liberace?

    2. These scraps of information raise the question of why the NSA had for years been sitting on vulnerabilities that affect widely used networking gear.


  20. What happens to Gawker’s Union?

    1. Oh shit, I’d completely forgotten about that.

    2. Oh! This is probably why Univision is shutting them down. Shutdown Gawker main using the excuse of the bad press they have while retaining the name. Then later when everything has died down, restart them with an entirely new writing staff.

    3. According to Sam Biddle, Univision will honor the union contract.

  21. Asteroid Redirect Mission: NASA Advances Project With $150 Million Budget Increase

    The agency said costs rose due to delays. The project’s goal is to use robotic arms to retrieve a boulder from an asteroid and put it in orbit around the moon. It is expected to launch in late 2021.

  22. Ivanka Trump: Company Says Funds From Donald Trump’s Daughter’s Purchase Donated to Hillary Clinton

    Lady Grey shared a note saying the proceeds of a jewelry purchase by Trump were given to the American Immigration Council, Everytown for Gun Safety and the Clinton campaign.

    1. Who purchased Ivanka and how much was she?

      1. Can’t talk about it now, she’s making Bacon-magic great again.

        1. “Great” as in “big”? “Turgid”? “Tumescent”?

          Over the top, soldier.

    2. Love. The. Pic.

      1. I don’t know why, but she looks better than usual.

  23. Cop brutalizes man at Ultra Music Festival in Miami. Ultra Music Festival sued, pays out $400k. Bans cop from working Ultra in the future. Cop is now suing for back pay that he didn’t make because he wasn’t allowed to work the music festival.

    In 2011, Jesse Campodonico, a 27-year-old fitness trainer from New York, was thrown to the ground and tasered by police at Ultra Music Festival. Campodonico later filed a lawsuit claiming police brutality against the City of Miami and the festival, and Ultra ended up paying $400,000 to settle the case.

    Naturally, festival organizers weren’t too keen on rehiring the cops involved in that expensive mistake. So in 2014, shortly after settling with Campodonico, Ultra reps emailed the city to request that the two cops who had tasered him ? Sgt. Edward Lugo and police union president Lt. Javier Ortiz ? be banned from working future editions of the event.

    That didn’t sit well with the two officers, both of whom filed grievances saying they were being unfairly disciplined. Now both cops are locked in a court battle with the city, asking not only to be allowed to continue working at Ultra, but also for back pay from the past two years they didn’t work the EDM fest.

    1. This is right up there with that bitchcunt cop who slipped and fell on a persons kitchen floor and sued even though she had no right to be in the house. She got fired and the suit was thrown out so maybe that will happen here.

      But it won’t.

    2. I’ve always wanted to go Ultra.

      Never had a chance.

    3. Campodonico is white; therefore, nobody cares.

      1. Uh, terrone isn’t white.

  24. Chicago police head moves to fire seven involved in shooting cover-up

    Chicago Police Department Superintendent Eddie Johnson is moving to fire a group of officers accused of lying about what happened in the fatal shooting of Laquan McDonald by Officer Jason Van Dyke.

    In a letter drafted and made public early Thursday, Johnson is seeking to fire seven of the 10 officers who City Inspector General Joe Ferguson had recommended for termination.

    1. Shit. Would help to read the links.

    2. Johnson is seeking to fire seven of the 10 officers who City Inspector General Joe Ferguson had recommended for termination.

      So maybe another real problem here is the headline… Should read:

      Chicago police head moves to retain three involved in shooting cover-up?

  25. John Turturro: Actor Reportedly Directing ‘Big Lebowski’ Spinoff Film

    Turturro is also starring in the film known as “Going Places” as his Jesus Quintana character, and the film is a remake of the 1974 French film “Les Valseuses,” Birth.Movies.Death reported.

    1. I give it a 50/50 chance of being either Awesome, or utter Dogshit.

      Tho, i think i saw an early movie by the “Tuturro brothers” before he was big-time and stuff, and it was hilarious….

      …nope. that was just a low-budget independent film called “The Search for One Eyed Jimmy“, which did include his brother nick

      1. Watching Turturro, I just have to keep telling myself “That’s not Ray Romano”.

        I like Barton Fink.

        1. I just have to keep telling myself “That’s not Ray Romano”.

          oh, come on. They’re not even close. Plus, Tuturro is a fantastic actor. Romano is a stand-up comic.

      2. I actually love that movie and cannot find it.

        1. While there are pirate rips of the Blu-ray out there, it’s available on DVD and Blu-ray on for under $15…

    2. Hopefully no 8 year olds will be involved in the making of that film.

      1. He plans to market the film door to door.

  26. Deez Nuts: Fictional Presidential Candidate Ahead of Jill Stein and Harambe in Texas, Poll Finds

    Public Policy Polling found Deez Nuts, created by an Iowa teen, had the support of 3 percent of voters. The Green Party’s Stein received 2 percent, the same as deceased gorilla Harambe.

    1. #titsoutforharambe #dicksoutforharambe

  27. The smug to knowledge ratio is yuge: Parse This: Glaring Clarity In The Second Amendment

    Fair enough.

    But not really.

    The results, harrowingly as of late, have not been fair enough. Far from it. The solution? Defenders of the political and amendment right say, “Simple. More guns in the hands of those who know how to use’m.” White-hatted saviors riding in on white horses pshew-pshewing their silver pistols with silver-screen precision and ease, erasing the Godless ne’er-do-wells from the frontier forever.

    The end.

    The security of the state secured.

    The right of the (good) people well-regulated.

    The core (not the fringe) values of the soaring stars-and-stripes saluted, uninfringed.

    ‘Merica made great again.


    Roll credits.

    Let’s slow down and have a look at those credits for a moment. Among the most notable are Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Thomas Paine, the trio most cited as integral in the drafting of the American Constitution and The Bill of Rights. Safe to say they knew a thing or two about language.

    1. The likely problem:

      Full disclosure: I am not a politician. I am not a constitutional lawyer. I am not even an American. I am, though, one of the many (let’s say hundreds of millions of) free world citizens who fervently believe in the preservation of the very rights and freedoms which render us free to enjoy those rights and freedoms. Fundamental to this preservation is understanding. Fundamental to understanding is attention to detail, no matter how small or insignificant the little mark might seem.

      1. Right. If you’re not an American, STFU.

        I’ve seen lots of non-American trolls who like to b1tch about the Second Amendment. Stay the f*** where you are and mind your own business.

        1. I don’t care that he’s not an American, but that is probably part of the reason he completely mangles the history. Not that I expect most Americans to know that Jefferson was in France and only commented on the Constitution and the BOR, or that Paine was in London and focusing on the developments in France. But a dirty foreigner is even more likely to make these mistakes.

      2. “Free world citizens”

        What in the actual fuck?

    2. Put more plainly, the principal clause (or declaration) of the whole amendment is this: A well regulated militia shall not be infringed. The middle bit modifies the main.

      What the fuck? That doesn’t even make sense.

      And commas were used differently and much more liberally in the 18th century.

      1. The first part of the amendment is explanitory, the second part is the operative. This guy literally cut and pasted it to be more to his liking, and nothing like the original.

      2. The right to form a militia requires free people to bear their own arms. It’s definitional. Even if you allow the left’s interpretation of the 2A only protecting that right, that right necessarily covers the right to personal ownership of arms. Stating otherwise is just as stupid as the proposition that the government may not be able to ban guns, but they can ban bullets.

        The 2A protects the right of the people to form militias as necessary with their own arms. In the context of pre-industrial warfare, the National Guard is not a militia, it’s an army.

      3. It means the states our denying us our rights by not having a militia.

    3. Shorter version: I’m an idiot who thinks I can apply 21st century arbitrarily codified grammar rules to a two hundred year old document from a period that used far more loose grammar. I’m also an idiot who will name drop people like Jefferson, Madison and Paine and then read or quote nothing else on what they had to say in regards to firearm ownership.

      1. And uses the modern meaning of “regulated”.

        “He was well-regulated in speech and manner?”

    4. I am, though, one of the many (let’s say hundreds of millions of) free world citizens who fervently believe in the preservation of the very rights and freedoms which render us free to enjoy those rights and freedoms.

      No, you fucking aren’t, you stupid asshole.

    5. Fuck. Off. Slaver.

    6. There is some decent non-idiocy in the comments, though.

  28. Shackford remains king of the linx

  29. Eric Bolling: Fox News Anchor Criticized by Colleague Dana Perino for Saying Polls Do Not Matter

    On Fox News’ “The Five,” Bolling said the polls were “insane” and will not matter for the election because thousands show up to support Trump at his rallies. Perino said polls were not unimportant.

    1. I don’t like either one of them, but Perino is pretty so she wins.

      1. And evidently likes a good polling.

        1. You know who else liked a good polling?….

          1. It’s spelled “Poland”

      2. Bolling is a raging asshole. Perino can be quite reasonable, and ain’t too rough on the eyes.

  30. “President Barack Obama is unlikely to break from a New England vacation to survey Louisiana flood damage, despite calls for him to visit.” Your move, Kanye.

    If I were in LA, I’d be happy about this. What good does a presidential visit do anyone? As far as I can see it can only hinder relief efforts. He should just take the rest of the year off.

    1. I agree with what you said. A presidential trip would have been pure optics. Like Kim Jong-Il touring a factory or Mahmood Ahmedinejad touring uranium enrichment facilities.

      The only thing that is reinforced clearly is the media’s bias. GWB with Katrina versus Obama with flooding is a stark contrast.

    2. And then let’s leave the presidency vacant for another four years, along with every appointed position in the executive branch.

      1. That’s what I keep saying. Everyone looks at me like I’m the crazy one.

  31. “So it turns out Ryan Lochte and two other Olympic swimmers made up the story about being robbed at gunpoint to hide an altercation at a gas station in Rio when they broke a bathroom door. This is what Brazilian police are saying.”

    Filhos das putas!

    1. Maybe they did and maybe they didn’t.

      I wouldn’t trust the Brazilian police any more than I’d trust U.S. police until I see some verification of their claims.

      1. Corruption is Brazil is worse than Mexico, so there’s that. I’m just flinging baseless insults until the real story comes out.

        1. 23 Brazilian cops raped my dog. True story.

          1. Which brings up the old joke–

            Punchline: “Rummy! How many zeroes in a Brazillion, anyway?”

    2. Lochte and Feign have been indicted for the altercation.

  32. Airlander 10: Helium-Filled Airship Completes 1st Test Flight North of London

    The 302-foot-long aircraft, which is reportedly the world’s largest aircraft, took off from an airfield in central England on Wednesday. It can stay aloft for about five days in manned flights.

    They’re damned lucky it didn’t explode.

    1. h e l i u m


    2. “Jesus! You want to blow us all to shit, Sherlock?”

    3. Airlander: There Can Be Only One

  33. Donald Trump Statue: Naked Portrayal of Republican Presidential Candidate Appears in Several US Cities

    Activist group Indecline reportedly placed the life-size statue of Trump with no clothes for its “The Emperor Has No Balls” project in Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Cleveland and Seattle.

      1. *Dry heave*

        I’m very afraid to click that link.

      2. Imagine someone did that with Obama.

        Anybody else remember Mirth & Girth?

  34. Paige: WWE Suspends English Professional Wrestler for Wellness Violation

    WWE announced Wednesday that it suspended the wrestler for 30 days following a violation of its wellness policy. Paige has been absent from WWE programming for over a month due to an injury.

    1. For those not versed in pro wrestling, “Wellness policy” = she tested positive for something.

      1. Oh, I associate wellness with keeping in shape and eating right, etc.

        I thought she’d been pigging out on pizza or something.

        1. I guess it’s a euphemism, like “activities incompatible with diplomatic status” for spying.

      2. Ahh, I did think it was some sort of dietary thing.

      3. Yeah I had to click to learn wtf they were talking about. Also, the link was to Eva Marie’s suspension, not Paige’s. 3 WWE suspensions in a week.

  35. Eve Plumb: ‘The Brady Bunch’ Actress Sells Malibu Home She Purchased at Age 11

    Plumb, who played Jan Brady, purchased the three-bedroom bungalow on Escondido Beach in 1969 for $55,300, the Los Angeles Times reported last week. It sold in late June for $3.9 million.

  36. So now that Twitter has dealt with some people who upset feminists and Hollywood stars, they have moved on to bloodthirsty Islamic terror supporters. Good to see they have their priorities in order.

  37. Metallica Preview New Album With Breakneck Song ‘Hardwired’

    After months of buildup, Metallica have announced that they will put out their first LP in eight years, the double-disc Hardwired … to Self Destruct on November 18th. The LP, which follows up 2008’s Death Magnetic, will contain 12 new songs (track list below), one of which is “Hardwired,” the breakneck, crushing new song above.

    1. My favorite new breakneck-paced band: (volume warning)

      1. Sucks

        1. You have no taste.

    2. Chorus:

      “We’re so fucked. Shit out of luck. Hard-wired to self-destruct.”

      Why can’t artists stay away from politics?

      1. The irony is that Metallica’s political music was some of their best work.

    3. I was hoping it might be halfway decent, but no. It’s utter shit.

    4. Metallica: Most. Over. Rated. Band. Ever

      I never understood the craze for that band. The guitarist knows three chords, the drummer knows two beats, and the singer sounds like Elmer Fudd.

      1. Kirk Hammett’s a good guitarist. The problem is that he’s far too laid-back to assert himself in the creation of their songs, so the band’s been dominated by Hetfield and Ulrich’s sludge ever since Cliff Burton died.

  38. A ransom is paid before the prisoner is released. So if the money was paid after it was not ransom.

    1. Is sure sounds like, according to one of the prisoners, his plane was not allowed to leave until the ransom arrived.

      Pastor Saeed Abedini, who was among four Americans released this past Jan. 17, told Fox Business he wound up waiting for an extended time for the second plane to reach the Iranian capital and was never told why the arriving aircraft was so important.

      “I just remember the night at the airport sitting for hours and hours there, and I asked police, ‘Why are you not letting us go?’?” Abedini said. “He said, ‘We are waiting for another plane so if that plane doesn’t come, we never let [you] go.’?”

      [link rejected by squirrels]

      I note that the story that the money wasn’t released until the plane was in the air refers to a plane that had three of the four released prisoners on it. I suspect Abedini was the fourth.

      Besides, the precise order isn’t that important, really, is it? I mean, in half the movies I’ve seen, the exchange is supposed to be more or less simultaneous (in the other half, the ransom gets paid first, and the prisoner is released shrinkwrapped in a number of parcels).

      1. Everything I’ve read said all four were on one plane. Do you have a link?

  39. Oddball religion news:…..te-change/

    “These new authoritarians usually declare a commitment to science. They merely wish to silence those who go against it. But this desire reveals a profound confusion about science ? or, at least, about the element of science that should be protected. They seek to protect the particular theories that are currently orthodox by undermining the free competition between ideas that explains the extraordinary success of science over the last 500 years.”

    “In this way, the new intellectual protectionists are like economic protectionists who recommend tariffs or subsidies to protect current businesses from competition. They aim to promote their favoured businesses in a way that undermines the competitive and entrepreneurial process that explains the extraordinary economic progress of the last 250 years.”

  40. So it turns out Ryan Lochte and two other Olympic swimmers made up the story about being robbed at gunpoint to hide an altercation at a gas station in Rio when they broke a bathroom door. This is what Brazilian police are saying.

    You know what’s funny about this? Even if this is true, the fact that these guys were snatched off the plane, held for 4 hours, had their passports confiscated, etc makes Brazil look far, far worse in the eyes of the world than a couple of guys getting robbed by (maybe) fake cops.

    The latter happens all the time – even in the US – the former tells the world that your country is an authoritarian shithole.

    But authoritarian shitholes never have the self-awareness to understand how they’re perceived so you get stuff like this. Anywhere halfway civilized (like, say, Mexico) would have just shrugged it off.

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