RNC

Sex, Booze, and Boehner's Warehouse: An RNC Nightlife Recap

Kid Rock and escorts and Trump porn, oh my

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ENB

Strip clubs were empty, Trump porn searches were high, male escorts were busy, John Boehner was cool, and Kid Rock was an American hero at the Republican National Convention (RNC) in Cleveland last week. At least that's the word from various sex workers, writers, and business owners invested in the GOP-convention scene. As the Democratic National Convention gets underway Monday, let's take a moment to recap the world of of sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll as it existed at the RNC. 

In the more PG-entertainment category, the hot ticket in town was the nightly party at the "Boehner Warehouse," hosted in honor of former speaker of the U.S. House John Boehner. Rembert Browne at New York magazine explains: 

… it's a secret party in the sense that it's a secret kept from lames like me, but is very much the opposite for those in the know—making it a very exclusive event. Most of the relevant tweets that appear when you search for "Boehner Warehouse" are from back in 2012, during the last RNC, with commentary about how late it went. There was also an Instagram post about it, which had a picture of the ticket and referred to the party as "top-secret."

[…] Technically, it was the Speaker of the House's party — so, Paul Ryan's party — but was still being commonly referred to as the Boehner Warehouse Party. According to a blog post in The Atlantic from 2012, former speaker John Boehner began this tradition of throwing nightly GOP Convention warehouse parties in 1996. In the piece, there was a picture — sent to the writer from a Republican aide — and the party was described as one for "GOP bigwigs."

One GOP bigwig in attendance (in 2012 and this year) told me this year's Warehouse parties were still designed to honor Boehner and "negotiations will be commenced on whether the Warehouse Party will continue and, if so, will it honor Ryan." On the final night, Ryan could be seen mingling with RNC chairman Reince Priebus and House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy. Boehner, however, had hopped a flight out of town that afternoon. 

In "My Week Stripping in Cleveland," dancer "Ivana Wall" reports for Gawker that she took home "the lowest sum I have ever earned for removing my clothes" on Tuesday night of the convention. (A weed dealer Gawker tagged along with saw no RNC-related boost in business either.)

The ratio of girls to men is a depressing 3-1. The DJ reminds everyone over the PA that lap dances are very available.

"Multiple staffers at Christie's Cabaret, Diamond Men's Club, and Crazy Horse [said] that business has been slow at best," The Daily Beast reports

"There has been no uptick in business," said a stripper at Crazy Horse who asked not to be named. "It's been disappointing. We were expecting more Republicans who wanted [lap] dances."

What were all those horny conservatives doing instead? Fantasizing about their candidate's wife and hiring male escorts, it seems. "Male escorts are making crazy money at the RNC," the New York Post reports. 

When contacted by The Post, females for hire said they're making much less money than normal. "Has business been better for me? Honestly, no," one woman said before abruptly hanging up the phone. "Business is slower than usual," said another. "I haven't been getting any calls."

The Post is a tabloid, so take that for what you will. I contacted nearly 100 (male and female) sex workers off Backpage asking about business, and no one responded. 

Meanwhile, Pornhub reports that searches for porn involving the word "Trump" spiked during the RNC. On July 20, searches related to any Trump were up 705 percent and searches relating to Melania Trump were up 1477 percent. 

Overall, Pornhub saw a 4.2 percent increase in Cleveland-area traffic during the convention. "Most of that traffic change came from mobile devices, which can indicate they are more likely to be visitors to the area," it reports. 

We found a 648% increase in searches containing the word "trump", and a 204% increase in searches related to "muslim" and "arab" content. Visits to Pornhub's gay site increased by nearly 8% from July 18-21.

[…] In the Cleveland area we found that certain categories had a significant increase in views between July 18-21. The biggest increase of 421% went to the "Gay – Hunks" category, followed by a 225% increase in the "Gay – Group" sex category.

Dave Weigel/Twitter

Speaking of gay Republicans, the most talked-about party in media circles must have been the delightfully bizarre and mildly terrifying shindig thrown by Breitbart. Though Ann Coulter backed out at the last minute, guests were still treated to anti-Islam, pro-LGBT, anti-immigration, and pro-Trump speeches from far-right Dutch politician Geert Wilders and Breitbart personality Milo Yiannopolous. In the audience, Internet trolls from Roosh V to Chuck C. Johnson and Lauren Southern mingled with "Twinks for Trump" and reporters from Vox, Vanity Fair, and The Washington Post

Following Donald Trump's hour-plus acceptance speech on the final night of the convention, the official kicker event was a Kid Rock concert nearby the Boehner Warehouse party. In 2015, Kid Rock said, "fiscally, I'm Republican. But the social issues kill me—gay marriage and abortion. It's like, Come on, man, get off it. There's so many big problems we got that we really need to address in this country." In February 2016, the musician endorsed Donald Trump

As tired Trump campaign staff and other VIPs drank free cocktails over hors d'ouevres to one side of the stage, old men in "Bikers for Trump" jackets got down and young men in "Make America Great Again" hats posed for selfies while Mr. Rock crooned about starting an escort service "smoking funny things." Behind him, a giant American flag back-dropped the stage. 

NEXT: Utah State Sen. Mark Madsen Switching Parties from Republican to Libertarian, Endorsing Gary Johnson for President

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  1. I contacted nearly 100 (male and female) sex workers off Backpage

    go on…

  2. Meanwhile, Pornhub reports that searches for porn involving the word “Trump” spiked during the RNC.

    When all they had to do was search Hit & Run’s comments for SugarFree’s wares.

  3. Strip clubs were empty,

    Maybe the delegates aren’t idiots. They couldn’t take the risk that the DNC didn’t have the clubs staked out for photos of delegates going in.

    1. Or maybe they just asked the wrong strip clubs. Any word on how male dancers did?

      1. “He made his dick look like a propeller!”

        “Goddamn, Zeke, I’d’ve loved me to see something crazy like that!”

    2. They learned their lesson about stripping from the Libertarian convention.

  4. I contacted nearly 100 (male and female) sex workers off Backpage asking about business, and no one responded.

    That is how I spend most of my weekends.

    1. Crusty: “How’s business?”

      Sex worker: “Business is good, baby. Wanna make it your business?”

      Crusty: “UNGH! No thanks, i’m done. Bye!”

      1. “Hey, you’re not one of those silly men that’s dressed up like a woman, are you?”

  5. The Post is a tabloid, so take that for what you will.

    Meow

    Because this is *serious* journalism.

  6. “Boehner Warehouse Party” sounds like absolutely the gayest thing I have ever heard of.

    1. I was thinking the same thing. It’s like the rave scene at the beginning of Blade, except everybody’s a flabby white guy, dancing naked, slapping each other’s semi-flacced dicks up against the thigh of whoever is dancing next to you, and then at the climax of the party, instead of blood raining from the ceiling, it’s a mix of spray-on tan juice and semen.

      1. And then Boehner shows up wearing nothing but boots, sunglasses, and a leather trenchcoat wielding a six-sided dildo-glaive.

        1. “We must have sex with the Fire Mares. It is the only way!”

    2. Oh, wait, that WASN’T the joke?

    3. absolutely the gayest thing I have ever heard of.

      Which i presume means, “Fabulously awesome”?

      1. It can mean whatever you like. Gay is a descriptive term here, not a pejorative.

  7. It’s as good a time as any to share my analogy for what being governed by these assholes is like. It’s the equivalent of being raped by the trio of Newt Gingrich, Chris Christie and Dick Cheney which ends with them bukkakeing all over my face. It’s my nightmare fantasy.

  8. I guess if anyone deserves a full 1MB JPEG it’s Kid Rock.

    Women and technology. What can you do?

  9. …the most talked-about party in media circles must have been the delightfully bizarre and mildly terrifying shindig thrown by Breitbart. Though Ann Coulter backed out at the last minute, guests were still treated to anti-Islam, pro-LGBT, anti-immigration, and pro-Trump speeches from far-right Dutch politician Geert Wilders and Breitbart personality Milo Yiannopolous. In the audience, Internet trolls from Roosh V to Chuck C. Johnson and Lauren Southern mingled with “Twinks for Trump” and reporters from Vox, Vanity Fair, and The Washington Post.

    Did Reason not get an invite?

    (bouncer glances at blank notepad after looking at Robby’s shoes)

    “Sorry, not on the list”

    1. Wouldn’t he look at the hair?

      1. robby’s hair might signal genetic ties to aristocracy, but i think bouncers tend to look at people’s kicks for signs of whether they’re “money”, or at least have some kind of limited taste.

      2. Robby was there (as was I), and got confused for Milo several times.

        1. Oh snap! ENB has got no mercy.

        2. That might be worse than the fruit sushi fat-shaming.

          1. She really is hard on that pretty little boy.

            1. Do you think she’s jealous that he has prettier hair?

              1. She has to be, but then also sort of proud.

                Robby may be a glossy little manwhore, but he’s her glossy little manwhore, you know?

              2. He is a walking Garnier Fructis commercial, so wouldn’t be jealous?

        3. ENB now “the Best”

        4. Well I hope we get a Bold-Type littered gossip-column report from the Buzzfeed-version of that @ the DNC…

          ….i feel like we’re missing out on juicy Breitbart-party dirt, and instead being thrown an inconclusive-poll-of-prostitutes as a substitute

          1. “Poll of Prostitutes”, Is that what a group of hookers is called, like a flight of swallows or a gaze of raccoons?

            1. A jam of tarts.

              1. A bag of tricks.

                1. A plow of hos.

            2. Host of Hos?

            3. Gang of Gobblers?

            4. A fuckery of hookers.

          2. Is “poll of prostitutes” the expression for a group of hookers, sorta likea flight of swallows or a gaze of raccoons?

            1. Or more appropriately a dray of squirrels. **Angrily shakes fist at server squirrels**

        5. Has anyone ever seen both of them at the same time?

          Hmmm…

  10. Overall, Pornhub saw a 4.2 percent increase in Cleveland-area traffic during the convention.

    It seems to me like the majority of people attending these conventions tend to be in the media, and I assume after a long day of feeling superior to everyone they go back to their hotel rooms and beat themselves silly. Then they check their Twitter, arrange their stuffed animals, check their Twitter again and close their eyes hoping to get some rest for another long day of humdrum supremacy.

    1. People don’t understand the kind of pressure that comes with supremacy.

    2. Humdrum Supremacy would be an excellent name for a band.

      1. Featuring the hit single, “Experts Say.”

  11. Given prevalence of Hillary on everyone’s mind at the RNC, the subdued libido is understandable – unless you were gay and therefore indifferent. And nobody canvassed lesbians specifically, because discrimination.

  12. Milo’s presence explains most of the internet traffic.

  13. Meanwhile, in Philadelphia, sales of hot cocoa and footie pajamas skyrocket.

    1. There will also be quite the uptick in Pornhub searches for bondage and mother/son fantasies.

      1. Swaddling is not just for babies and nervous weimaraners, adults can enjoy the calming benefits too.

  14. So to sum up:
    There was a party for GOP big wigs, that is now a tradition at the convention, and at which absolutely nothing noteworthy happened.
    Strip clubs did not see an uptick in business.
    The NY Post interviewed 4-5 anonymous gay hookers and mentioned they saw some more business that week. (None of which can be corroborated by the author).
    There was an uptick of Pornhub searches in Cleveland that week. Apparently the gay side of Pornhub saw an 8% increase in views in Cleveland that week. At the same time, one of the hottest gatherings included pro-gay Republicans.
    And Kid Rock is fiscally conservative, and socially liberal. And supports Trump.

    Exactly why did this story need writing?????

    1. Exactly why did this story need writing?????

      What are you, Bernie Sanders? Why does anyone need 18 different kinds of deodorant? Or 73 different athletic shoes to choose from?

      Why not?

      1. He was forced to read it, Zeb.

        1. It involved ENB writing about prostitutes, we all had to read it… or at least scan it for illustrations.

    2. I’ll say this, it’s a hell of a lot more entertaining, interesting, and believable than the fake story about being detained by the Secret Service!

    3. Exactly why did this story need writing?????

      At the very least, I’d consider the headline misleading/false advertising.

      Any sex that was had appears to be secondhand rumors at best and there wasn’t even an attempt at booze.

      Apparently there were one or two rock stars involved but for some reason the lack of sex and not booze was the focus.

  15. I have to congratulate Elizabeth Nolan Brown for writing one of the most meaningful (and certainly most interesting) articles to come out of the Republican National Convention. I’m not sure why Matt Welch and Nick Gilespie felt the need to send so many people to cover it. However, if their coverage was the product of doubt in ENB’s chops to handle a little story like the convention, I hope this article will put that doubt to rest.

    This article was well written, cogent and told us everything we needed to know about the RNC. I hope that going forward the management of Reason magazine will trust in ENB to tease moderately interesting stories out of the blistering batshit boringness of political conventions and send her and only her to cover these affairs. Her article managed to avoid being so boring that watching paint dry started seeming like an attractive alternative.

    1. As long as they send Fruit Sushi Soave with her, that he may undergo various social excruciations for our entertainment, i’m down with this idea.

      1. The hideous nightlife at conventions is a legitimate story.

        1. It’s a reminder that our would-be rulers are barely functional as human beings.

  16. John Boehner began this tradition of throwing nightly GOP Convention warehouse parties in 1996. In the piece, there was a picture ? sent to the writer from a Republican aide ? and the party was described as one for “GOP bigwigs.”

    A veritable influence bazaar.

  17. Humdrum Supremacy would be an excellent name for a band.

    I’m kind of leaning toward something along the lines of Lords of the Humdrum.

  18. Bernie bots in full revolt, lol, this is going to be soooo fucking great!

    Bernie delegates banging on tables

  19. Obama admin will all be in their bunks now for a while…

    China bans internet news

  20. Thinking about all of the documentaries and cop shows where cops are doing a prostitution sting. I don’t ever recall seeing them go after male escorts.

    1. Don’t shit where you eat?

      1. No doubt. Don’t want to get recognized.

  21. RE: Sex, Booze, and Boehner’s Warehouse: An RNC Nightlife Recap

    But…but what will the Moral Majority say?

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    =====? http://www.Alpha-Careers.com

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