A.M. Links: Cruz Refuses to Endorse Trump at RNC, Trump Speaks at RNC Tonight, Turkey Declares State of Emergency

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  • Todd Kranin

    Donald Trump will speak tonight at the Republican National Convention.

  • Ted Cruz refused to endorse Donald Trump in his RNC speech last night.
  • "Roger Ailes, the former GOP political operative who oversaw the creation of the Fox News Channel and turned it into the leading voice of American conservatism, is in final negotiations to leave as chief executive of the network amid a budding sexual harassment scandal, according to a person with knowledge of the negotiations."
  • Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has declared a three-month state of emergency.
  • Russia has lost its appeal of the Olympic ban on Russian track and field athletes. Those Russian athletes were barred from participating in the upcoming summer games in Rio de Janeiro due to allegations of state-sponsored doping.
  • "Police in South Florida shot an unarmed black caretaker Monday as he tried to help his autistic patient."

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NEXT: Ted Cruz Defines Freedom As Its Opposite

Damon Root is a senior editor at Reason and the author of A Glorious Liberty: Frederick Douglass and the Fight for an Antislavery Constitution (Potomac Books).

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  1. Ted Cruz refused to endorse Donald Trump in his RNC speech last night.

    Too bitter the Koolaid. Oh yeah!

    1. Brett L

      Are you quoting from the last meal at Jonestown?

      1. THEY DIDN’T USE KOOL-AID. Stop besmirching the good name of Kool-Aid. It was Flavor Aid brand. Besmirch them.

        1. Kool-Aid lost that PR round…or won it.

          1. Spencer

            Kool-aid, so irresistible people can’t help but drink it, even when it’s chock full of poison!

            1. TheZeitgeist

              I have vision of giant beverage pitcher busting through wall right by corpse line at Jonestown.

              “OH YEAH!”

              1. pan fried wylie

                except the longhouse is already empty, plates half-eaten abandoned on the table, the only sound the wind. Kool-aid Man apprehensively retreats.

              2. Agent Cooper

                IT’S A TRAP! Follow me through the wall!

        2. Brett L

          It would be like if an HP brand industrial printer and copier mangled someone. “Xerox machine attacks woman!” The brand is so dominant it has become the referent to the general product.

  2. Just a thought not a sermon

    203) So last week I did something I’ve never done before: I donated to a political campaign. Yes, Gary Johnson will be the proud recipient of fifty JATNAS dollars. So, here’s my question. I have a bumper sticker coming to me, and I’m normally not a big fan of bumper stickers, political or otherwise. Yet, I have the feeling a lot of people genuinely don’t realize there is an alternative to the two major parties, and seeing a bumper sticker might let them know they have other choices.

    What do people think? In this case, could putting a bumper sticker on my car make a difference? Is it useless, obnoxious signaling? Would it just attract unwelcome attention?

    1. Rich

      Just do it, JATNAS. I doubt if that will get your car keyed.

    2. Colonel Slanders

      i think you wasted fifty bucks.

      1. Zeb

        Unless you have a whole lot more than $50 to give, all political donations are wasted.

        1. Just a thought not a sermon

          I’ve only bought one lottery ticket in my life, and the one time I was in Vegas I came out about $40 ahead, so I figure my lifetime squandering account is in pretty good shape.

          1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            Don’t feel bad, I actually popped for almost $750 for the ‘Stand with Rand’ Campaign.

            I did get some nifty t-shirts, with cool libertarian messages.

            People have asked me if those are messages from the Rand Corp.

            1. I still wear my “the NSA knows I bought this Rand Paul T-Shirt” one.

              1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

                Yep, the one about minimizing government and maximizing liberty is the one that people have mistaken for the Rand Corp.

              2. Agent Cooper

                I still want the Don’t Drone Me Bro t-shirt.

      2. He got a bumpersticker and a valuable lesson in disappointment.

    3. Citizen X

      I mainly use amount and content of bumper stickers as a way to determine how much road rage to direct at the person in front of me in traffic. A Johnson sticker might keep you near zero rage, if i’m having a good day.

      1. Lee Genes

        Midtown tunnel got you down?

        1. Citizen X

          Fuck the Midtown Tunnel. Ain’t no reason to ever go to Portsmouth anyway.

          1. Lee Genes

            *sheds tear for birthplace*

            1. Citizen X

              Do you still live there? Didn’t think so.

              Portsmouth is the Florida of southeastern Virginia, it is known.

              1. Lee Genes

                I made the Hajj to Douglas Park last year. My obligations are fulfilled.

              2. I thought you were talking about Portsmouth, NH.

              3. Chip the Chipper

                Except a shit ton of people move here to Florida

      2. RBS

        I use it to determine how shitty the driver is. 0-2: probably ok. 10+ on a Prius: driving 15 mph under the speed limit in the left lane while texting and trying sip an overpriced soy latte from Starbucks (even though there is a great local shop one block away from the Starbucks).

        1. CE

          People with lots of bumper stickers are usually good, well meaning hippies.
          It’s the people with one “Hillary” or “Bernie” or “Trump” bumper sticker that hold this country back.

      3. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        When I’m forced to buy a self-driving car, it better use the same criteria as me on deciding which car to hit in an unavoidable accident.

        Type and number of bumper stickers.

      4. It doesn’t matter what the bumper stickers say. I refer you to a fundamental law of the universe, known as Animal’s Law of Inverse Bumper Sticker Intelligence, which states that “the number of bumper stickers on a vehicle are in direct inverse proportion to the intelligence of the vehicle owner.”

    4. My issue is getting it back off. Send me a damn magnet!

      1. Private Chipperbot

        I go for brewery stickers on the camper. Florida Man would probably go with meth lab locations 😀

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          I thought Florida Man used bumper stickers to keep the bumper on the car.

          1. It can be both!

      2. Convert a sticker to a magnet.

      3. CE

        Back in 2008 I had the Ron Paul door magnets. Perfect for spreading the word, then converting my car back into a non-descript sedan when parking at work.

    5. Libertarian

      I think a GJ sticker would get you more friendly waves or horn toots than “unwelcome attention.” And what’s wrong with signaling? Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it.

      1. Rich

        Even educated fleas do it.

        Hmm. Always thought it was “Even motherfucking fleas do it.”

      2. Elspeth Flashman

        Let’s do it, let’s fall in love. /sniff

    6. The Last American Hero

      Tape it to the inside of your back window.

      1. Trshmnstr, terror of the trash

        This

      2. CE

        When I see a bumper sticker taped to the inside of a window I think one thing: lack of conviction.
        Which is the opposite of the reason you buy bumper stickers for.

    7. Dear Penthouse, I was a virgin donor and I never thought this could happen to me but…

      1. Certified Public Asshat

        Something, something, got sticky with a Johnson.

    8. Do JATNAS dollars spend like fiat currency? Is there a bitcoin exchange rate?

      1. Their exchange rate is 3,000,000,000 J$ to 1 $ZBW.

        1. Just a thought not a sermon

          When I was in Poland in 1995, they had recently revalued their currency. Frequently you’d find an old 1,000 zloty note on the ground and pick it up, only to realize it was one of the old notes and worth 1/10th of a US cent.

          1. You should have saved some.

            I bought a 100 trillion Zimbabwe dollar bill for way over currency value just to own one. (I think I paid $10 US)

          2. Juvenile Bluster

            I was in Poland in ’94, actually. Right before the revaluation. The exchange rate at the time was 21,000 zloty to 1 USD. It was so weird for 17 year old me to buy a coke and hand the cashier a 100,000 zloty note.

            1. I hope you got change back, because a $5 Coke sounds terrible.

              1. Juvenile Bluster

                Oh, I got change back. It was just weird, having changed a $5 to get that much money. The coke was 25k zloty or somewhere around there (it was in a hotel)

            2. Citizen X

              Same in Russia in ’96. At the time, dollars were going for 5 or 6 thousand rubles. Tipping a bathroom attendant with a whole stack of hundred-ruble notes was a trip.

    9. Take a photograph of your wife topless with the bumper sticker strategically placed over her nipples, and then do your best to put that photo all over the internet. That will help the cause.

      1. Depends on the wife…actually, it doesn’t. I’d look.

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          Crusty would… too.

    10. robc

      I donated a Sacagawea dollar to Harry Browne. Im not sure I would have donated a real dollar.

      1. Sacagawea Dollars are only worth 75 cents. It is known.

        1. thom

          Sac dollars were great for racking up frequent flier miles for a while though.

    11. I had a Gary Johnson 2012 bumper magnet.

      I used to remove it when driving to work-related events. I generally avoid politics at work, and just listen to the mostly Team Blue blather and rarely open my mouth however infuriating the blather may be.

      1. TheZeitgeist

        When going off reservation (Injun, get it? HAR-HAR) with the Blue Team, I’ve found Margaret Thatcher to be good rhetorical device that shuts down the Women Power shtick real fast.

        1. ^THIS.

          Feminists like to pretend that Margaret Thatcher’s accomplishments didn’t happen. That woman was awesome, and pulled England back from the brink as much as Francois Mitterand pushed France to the brink.

          But feminists won’t accept any of that. She was “othered” despite how good she was. Instead, we will get hagiographic nonsense about Hillary Clinton whose political existence is attributed to her husband.

          1. They keep getting pissed off that Feminist female politicians keep failing while Tory female politicans become Prime Minister (First Thatcher, now May)

          2. CE

            Sort of like Clarence THomas.

    12. I remember when I donated to Ron Paul. Then he sold my contact info and I started getting a dozen e-mails a day from all kinds of homophobic Christian socon groups.

      1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        That wasn’t Ron’s fault. They actually got you when you signed up for that scat porn home delivery.

        Arrives in discreet brown streaked wrapping paper.

      2. I donated to Ron Paul half a dozen times over the span of two elections. I did not have that experience. Stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, that information was acquired from somewhere else.

        At my office, I get 3 or 4 calls per day asking how many tens of thousands of dollars I want to invest in natural gas exploration. Turns out someone filled out a survey, slapped my name and office phone number on it, and all these firms solicit me for money because they think I’m a millionaire oil man.

        WILD CARD!

        1. Same here. I donated to Ron Paul 2-3 times and never got spam.

          1. I think reason sold my mailing address. Before I made the mistake of giving them money, I didn’t get nutcase libertarian spam.

            1. The Kochtopus has many tentacles.

        2. CE

          I donated a good chunk of change to Ron Paul in 2008, not much spam to speak of.
          My wife donated about a hundred bucks more than I did, and she’s still getting junk mail 8 years later.

          I suspect because I made multiple small donations and she went over the “easy mark” threshold.

    13. Suthenboy

      Sounds like your motive is not signaling. Still, I think everyone is pretty set in their choice already. It probably won’t make much difference other than in the appearance of your car. Those things are hell to get off and they look awful after the sun has begun to destroy them.

      1. CE

        I think Gary Johnson needs bumper stickers and yard signs most of all right now. People need to see (and start to believe subconsciously) that there actually is a third choice and there actually are real people supporting him.

    14. ant1sthenes

      Having read that article on GOP campaign operatives the other night, and knowing that the LP is, if anything, worse, I think you would have been better served spending the 50 bucks directly on pro Johnson flyers and posting them around.

    15. TheZeitgeist

      In this case, could putting a bumper sticker on my car make a difference? Is it useless, obnoxious signaling?

      Is car itself obnoxious social signaling?

      Gary Johnson sticker on something like a Leaf or Prius would be confusing; sort of like Bernie logo on a brodozer.

    16. Krapulent Kristen

      GJ has bumper magnets (I hate trying to get stickers off at the end of the campaign). I have two of them on the Krapulentmobile.

    17. I paid the LP for Gary Johnson yard signs and don’t regret it. They’re even still up!

    18. Mike Laursen

      Speaking of signaling, the first question to ask yourself is are you a good driver? Do you always use your turn signals? Do you cut people off in traffic?

      Second question, do you have a nice car, that looks like it belongings to a prosperous, normal person? Is it filthy or clean?

    19. OneOut

      If you send me $50 bucks I will send you a bumper stickers also.

      $100 bucks gets 3.

      I once saw the truest campaign ad ever. It was a poster with a picture of a grizzly old fart with 2 day beard and a cigarette dangling from his lips.

      VOTE GRITZ FOR MAYOR.

      LET ME SPEND YOUR TAX DOLLARS

      It was rumored to be a replica of an actual poster put up by a small town character who was unhappy with local government.

    20. CE

      The bumper sticker is 100 times more effective than the 50 bucks. Next time buy 10 of them and give them to your friends.

  3. Donald Trump will speak tonight at the Republican National Convention.

    Set the teleprompters to ramble.

    1. Oh myyyy.

    2. Libertarian

      May I suggest a drinking game? Dr. Suess and “Dick and Jane” books had larger vocabularies.

      “We’re gonna win big.”

      “You people are great.”

      “Crooked Hillary.”

      “We’re the best country. The best.”

      “There are some bad people out there. Really bad people.”

      1. Joe M

        “Big beautiful wall.”

    3. Joe M

      Markov Trump is online.

      1. Forming a chain?

    4. CE

      Trump doesn’t use teleprompters. He just channels derp from the atmosphere.

  4. Bee Tagger

    Donald Trump will speak tonight at the Republican National Convention.

    This will be the night he finally says the thing that will doom his candidacy.

    1. straffinrun

      Hillary is fine public servant?

      1. Rich

        Hillary is a fine pubic servant?

        1. straffinrun

          I’m guessing that server has lost it’s mane frame by her age.

          1. Rich

            Nice.

          2. Trshmnstr, terror of the trash

            *gratuitous vomiting*

            1. straffinrun

              I consider that confetti.

        2. SIV

          Hillary is a fine public servant?

          1. His is fine.

            *cocks head*

            Damn gurl!

            1. Hillary corrected by phone = ruined gross gag.

              1. Citizen X

                Your phone was trying to save you from typing something, even in jest, that you could never, ever take back.

          2. Agent Cooper

            Hillary is a fine public savant?

  5. Lord Humungus

    You know who else liked to extend their arm in a salute…

    This Is How Laura Ingraham Closed Her Republican Convention Speech

    1. straffinrun

      These guys are making the illuminati guys look sane.

      1. DEATFBIRSECIA

        Bryan Callen explains how to do it the right way.

      2. OneOut

        If you watch the entire move it’s not as bad as it’s made out to be.

    2. SugarFree

      “Mein Trumpf?hrer! I can VALK!”

    3. WTF

      You know who else can be made to look like they’re giving a Nazi salute if you freeze a wave at just the right frame?

      1. SugarFree

        At just the right frame? Watch the gif. The wave was an afterthought when she realized what she was doing.

        1. Brett L

          “Oh shit. This is going to look bad. Start moving hand, start moving hand.”

        2. WTF

          Seriously? She started the wave to people seated below her, and therefore turned her palm down to face them. Think about it, why in the fuck would she give an actual Nazi salute? This is just insanity.

          1. SugarFree

            I don’t think she was giving a Nazi salute, but it was a soft lob over the net, easy to smash right back in her face.

            1. If Obama or any other Democract did it she would be snarking away them.

            2. Ship of Theseus

              And most deservedly so.

        3. Suthenboy

          No, she initially was acknowledging some individual in the crowd and then transformed into a crowd-wide wave.
          She’s blonde. That doesnt make her a nazi.

      2. Colonel Slanders

        Just about everyone?

      3. The Grinch

        Literally everyone. Everyone with arms anyway.

      4. straffinrun

        Not Michael Brown?

        1. Libertarian

          She’s damn lucky there weren’t any Miami cops in the audience. Why would a cop shoot her? I don’t know.

          1. thom

            If we “knew” why people made cop’s guns shoot at them, these regrettable situations would be unavoidable, wouldn’t they?

      5. Zeb

        I don’t think I usually have my arm out straight like that when I wave to someone.

        That said, I don’t believe that anyone there is deliberately giving Nazi salutes. They are probably not a band of secret Nazis who can’t remember that you aren’t supposed to heil Hitler in public.

      6. Red Rocks Okey-Dokein

        “Nazis” have become the modern equivalent of witches from the Middle Ages–the faithful haven’t actually seen them in real life, but they know they exist.

        1. Zeb

          Well, there actually are (self identified) Nazis, so it’s a bit different. But seeing Nazi’s everywhere is goofy. This isn’t 1930s Germany and it isn’t going to be.

          1. thom

            When I briefly lived in Germany in 1999 I remember seeing elderly people in their 80s out an about, on subways or in restaurants, and thinking, “that person could very likely have actually been a nazi.” It was kinda weird how they just were out wandering around doing normal person stuff.

        2. Chip Woodier

          Serious question…if there anything Nazis did that the US government hasn’t done?

          1. Chip Woodier

            Not being able to edit comments is Nazi-like behavior, IMFO.

          2. Zeb

            Invade Poland?

          3. Red Rocks Okey-Dokein

            Invade Poland?

          4. Harnessing the technology and logistics network of an advanced industrial state to the purpose of eradicating a select class of people?

            even the Chinese/Russians/Cambodians/Koreans didn’t do their massacres as efficiently.

            1. Chip Woodier

              Native Americans might differ on that opinion.

              1. Red Rocks Okey-Dokein

                Most of the Native population was wiped out by white man’s diseases, not the American industrial war machine.

                1. Chip Woodier

                  And, the governments effort to kill and starve every Indian not disposed to “voluntarily” enter their concentration camps…using an industrial war machine.

        3. CE

          Unlike commies, who are everywhere.

    4. Just a thought not a sermon

      At least she didn’t take a sip of water during the speech.

    5. Suthenboy

      Oh FFS. She was waving at the crowd.

      This is the kind of nit-picking we are going to have to put up with from the supporters of a criminal and a traitor until november. I can hardly wait.

      1. Mainer2

        Nazi Generals

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_Z6tv7cQmM

        “I am Kessler. I am the Nazi General who doesn’t have to salute properly”

  6. Police in South Florida shot an unarmed black caretaker Monday as he tried to help his autistic patient.

    Word hasn’t traveled that far south yet.

    1. Brett L

      Interesting mix of people posting this on Facebook and getting pretty chippy with the copsuckers. “Explain this one, blue lives matter!” and stuff like that. I don’t think the police are getting a free pass from everyone anymore.

      1. That’s the one positive. Though they still get a pass for killing people generally, just not the black ones.

        1. Brett L

          I’m working up to that. Next time I get the opportunity, I’m posting the Kelly Thomas story. Let them explain why six cops had to beat a man to death with their bare hands.

    2. Stoic

      My guess, based on the very limited info available, is that it was an accidental discharge of the weapon (and even if it wasn’t, they’ll say it was). Thank goodness for the victim’s sake it hit him in the leg and not the head or chest. What I’m wondering is who called reporting a suicidal person. Was there an another suicidal person in the vicinity? If there actually was a caller referring to the autistic guy, what was the basis of the assumption that he was suicidal? When I worked for group homes, one of the things they taught us was avoid getting the police involved if at all possible.

      It’s also probably lucky for the autistic guy that he had the black male worker there to distract the police from him. If it had been a white female worker, there’s a substantially higher chance the autistic guy would be dead.

      1. Thank goodness for the victim’s sake it hit him in the leg and not the head or chest.

        Femoral artery is nothing to mess with.

        1. KB Check Release

          Sean Taylor agrees

      2. CE

        Not accidental at all. I think the cop was trying to shoot the autistic guy, because he thought the toy truck was a gun and the guy wasn’t complying. The caretaker was lying down with his hands up, but his legs were near the autistic guy. Just a bad shot that hit a bystander instead of the intended target.

  7. Lord Humungus

    STEVE SMITH GO: PART IV

    Bigfoot steps out of hiding for ODOT’s new crosswalk safety commercial

    The Oregon Department of Transportation teamed up with Sasquatch for a PSA video on the importance of staying alert around streets and roads. The message is universal, and ODOT says it applies to drivers, pedestrians, bicyclists – even mythical furry forest creatures.

    Pedestrian deaths increased by 50 percent in 2015, ODOT said, adding that an average of 850 pedestrians are hurt or killed by drivers each year.

    “In this video, Sasquatch helps remind us that we all have to look out for one another,” said Rian Windsheimer, ODOT’s Portland area manager. “When you’re driving or biking you have to stop for anyone showing intent to cross the street.”

    1. Pedestrian deaths increased by 50 percent in 2015,

      War on Pedestrians.

      1. straffinrun

        Nice. Uh, I mean good job.

        1. I see what you did there.

          1. straffinrun

            Felt kind bad about that for a second.

            1. Dead baby jokes are just about the only class of jokes that get me to think “Too far, dude”.

              1. Brett L

                I’ll get my pitchfork.

      2. Agent Cooper

        I blame Pokemon Go.

    2. Eternal Blue Sky

      “When you’re driving or biking you have to stop for anyone showing intent to cross the street.”

      The only place I’ve ever seen this rule apply is on college campuses. There, anyone will just walk into the street and the drivers are so used to dealing with it that the cars stop for them.

      1. DrZaius

        So in Oregon it’s illegal to even possess a white cane in public if you’re not blind/deaf?

        814.120 Unlawful use of white cane; penalty. (1) A person commits the offense of unlawful use of a white cane if the person uses or carries a white cane on the highways or any other public place of this state and the person is not blind or blind and deaf.
        (2) This section is subject to the provisions and definitions relating to the rights of pedestrians who are blind or blind and deaf under ORS 814.110.
        (3) The offense described in this section, unlawful use of a white cane, is a Class D traffic violation. [1983 c.338 ?562; 1985 c.16 ?285; 1995 c.383 ?89; 2007 c.70 ?345]

        1. “not blind or blind and deaf”

          Why not just “not blind”?

      2. DrZaius

        What the fuck is “intent to cross the street”? Mindreading? I’m looking at the Oregon code and the pedestrian has to legally establish themselves in the crosswalk before a car has to stop. Drivers don’t have to guess a pedestrians intent who is still hanging out up on the sidewalk. That’s just fucking stupid.

        I know in Georgia nobody knows what the goddamn responsibilities of pedestrians are. Yes, there is a section of Georgia code called responsibilities of pedestrians.

        1. I think its to be read ‘standing at and facing the crosswalk’ – or at least standing at the side of the street and facing the street.

          At least that’s how its interpreted here in AZ – though if you cross outside the crosswalk you take your chances with the rest of the traffic.

    3. Brett L

      Per Bill Hicks, I step on the gas and turn on the wipers.

    4. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

      When you’re driving or biking you have to stop for anyone showing intent to cross the street.”

      STEVE SMITH HAVE NEW PREY!

      Future headline: Driver rapes increased by 5000 percent in 2017, ODOT said

    5. STEVE SMITH TRAFFIC-RELATED RAPE UP 50% IN 2015

  8. Just a thought not a sermon

    “Police in South Florida shot an unarmed black caretaker Monday as he tried to help his autistic patient.”

    “And I’m saying, ‘Sir, why did you shoot me?’ and his words to me were, ‘I don’t know.’ ”

    This is like my 11-year old when I’ve caught him doing something dumb. Seems about right.

    1. Citizen X

      You’d compare your kid to a cop? You must not think much of your kid.

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        The difference being, with my kid it’s “Why did you leave the refrigerator door open? Why did you take Magic cards to school when it’s against the rules,” etc., rather than “Why did you shoot an unarmed dude who was lying on the ground?”

    2. Brett L

      Why the fuck did he even have his gun out?

      1. Libertarian

        Because the autistic guy had a goddam truck in his hand! Haven’t you learned anything from the carnage in Nice, France?

        1. WTF

          Could have been one of those compact mass-killing assault trucks.

      2. WTF

        Because how can you shoot somebody if you don’t have your gun out? Sheesh.

    3. Ceci n'est pas un woodchipper

      I’m always amazed when people say things like, “Sir, why did you shoot me?” I would be saying something more like, “You fucking cunt! I’ll cut your fucking head off and shove it up your fucking ass you piece of shit AAUARRRHRHGHGHGHGGHGH!”

      1. WTF

        *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!*

        “Suspect continued to display violent behavior requiring several follow-up shots to subdue and end threat.”

      2. He’s a social worker, they’re not supposed to act angry even if they’re shot.

        1. I wonder if this restraint can benefit any other professions?

      3. OneOut

        there is video on the webs showing a black guy standing by the open door of an suv with a cop a few feet away.

        The cop orders the man to show him his ID. The guy calmly reaches back into the suv as though his wallet is on the seat.

        The cop immediately shoots him in the hip area.

        The man says, “You shot me. WHY did you SHOOT me”, all rather calmly with out a lot of emotion. He had a little inflection on the two words but went on to say stuff like, ” you told me to show you my ID and then you shot me when I tried to “..

        I was amazed at how calmly he took it.

  9. Lord Humungus

    George Soros – Europe: A Better Plan for Refugees

    At least ?30 billion ($34 billion) a year will be needed for the EU to carry out such a comprehensive plan. This includes providing Turkey and other “frontline” countries with adequate funding to maintain their very large refugee populations, creating a common EU asylum agency and security force for the EU’s external borders, addressing the humanitarian chaos in Greece, and establishing common standards across the Union for receiving and integrating refugees.

    Thirty billion euros might sound like an enormous sum, but it is not when viewed in proper perspective. First, we must recognize that a failure to provide the necessary funds would cost the EU even more. There is a real threat that the refugee crisis could cause the collapse of Europe’s Schengen system of open internal borders among twenty-six European states. The Bertelsmann Foundation has estimated that abandoning Schengen would cost the EU between ?47 billion ($53.5 billion) and ?140 billion ($160 billion) in lost GDP each year; the French Commissioner for Policy Planning has estimated the losses at ?100 billion ($114 billion) annually.

    boy open borders sure is expensive

    1. boy open borders government welfare sure is expensive

      1. Eternal Blue Sky

        No, foolish Tarran.

        When the equation is Immigrants + Cripplingly Broken Welfare System = Bad Things, the solution is to get rid of the Immigrants!!

        Just like when GMOs + Broken Copyright Laws = Bad Things, the solution is to ban GMOs.

        It is known.

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          Shorter George Soros: Setting up camps in which to concentrate all those immigrants will be expensive.

          1. Well, funnily enough, all those immigrants are supposed – by treaty and international law – to stay in the first ‘safe’ country they reach.

            The idea is – they’re refugees and so once the danger has passed most should be packing up and heading back to where they came from.

            In such a scenario its not necessarily bad to provide funding from other nations to support the nations on the frontline of this wave.

            But for some weird reason, all the European *governments* are amazingly keen to let these people come and live in their jurisdictions. I can understand thinking that you have a moral duty to help, I don’t get the bend over backwards even-at-the-expense-of-your-native-population policies these places are implementing.

            Its not like these guys are going to vote for you – if they get real political power you’ll be the first on the pyre.

            1. Chip Woodier

              I think it was something dreamed up and agreed to at Bilderberg, probably to prop up floundering senior social programs. White people just stopped breeding fast enough since the decline of Roman Catholicism.

              1. AlexInCT

                Beneficiaries of welfare largess tend to vote for the people that promise them more free shit…

      2. ant1sthenes

        Once the number of poor, desperate foreigners (with no small number coming from backgrounds that were fairly barbaric to begin with) is high enough, it’s either welfare or pillage. Yes, some would join the economy in a better system, but quite a few will never be capable, and a charity system in a developed nation would be designed for a much smaller number of people; even the socialist welfare systems are strained to the breaking point. A large mass of people with no prospects and no connection to the native community (and who possibly have been taught to hate it and see it as an enemy) is a recipe for disaster no matter what.

    2. The Grinch

      Only 30 billion a year to provide for a group that includes a fifth column? Sounds like a bargain.

    3. Brett L

      For only 30M a year guaranteed, you can have this GDP rock that will ward off any threats to your “loss” of GDP “growth” in the future.

      1. Brett L

        Also, how much of the GDP does the EU governance get. If they get 50%, it still has to be a 60B GDP “loss” to be a good deal.

    4. Red Rocks Okey-Dokein

      “It’s just a coincidence that 75% of this $30 million will be funneled to groups associated with my enterprises.”

    5. Suthenboy

      You know who else George Soros worked to help set up camps for?

  10. “Police in South Florida shot an unarmed black caretaker Monday as he tried to help his autistic patient.”

    Not just any caretaker. A black one.

    1. SugarFree

      I know. He was so uppity for complaining.

      1. RBS

        I’ll reserve judgement until they release his rap sheet, which is probably a mile long.

        1. Ceci n'est pas un woodchipper

          Do I need to recalibrate my sarcasm detector?

          1. straffinrun

            No, not at all.

    2. Rich

      “Let’s play free association.”

      “OK.”

      “Unarmed.”

      “Black!”

    3. North Miami has not identified the officer or his race.

      Which is of course the all important piece of data that tells us whether or not it was justified….somehow.

    4. Juvenile Bluster

      Well, it is curious, in that they shot the black caretaker with his hands up and not the white autistic kid waving his arms around with what they’d been told was a gun (even though it was a fucking toy truck)

      1. WTF

        Officer Fife was probably going for the kid and showed the usual cop marksmanship.

      2. SugarFree

        Transformers… weapons in disguise!

        1. RBS

          Listen, if you step on those things barefooted, it fucking hurts. Officer safety is paramount.

          1. Juvenile Bluster

            It’s why most parents call for legos to be banned.

          2. SugarFree

            “Suspect has deployed Legos! I repeat, Legos!”

      3. Suthenboy

        It isnt curious at all if you have ever been to a police range.

  11. Rich

    Donald Trump will speak tonight at the Republican National Convention.

    Perhaps he’ll resist the urge to telegraph his debate punches.

    1. Masturbation euphemisms are more fun when they are obscure.

  12. Lord Humungus

    Sharia in Denmark – Part II

    The agreement centers on a number of initiatives, which are supposed to compensate for the detrimental effects of all the years in which sharia was allowed to spread in Denmark while most authorities paid only scant attention to what was happening. Part of the new effort, therefore, will be the mapping of all existing mosques in Denmark.

    It will now be obligatory, according to the agreement, for all priests, imams and others who are not part of the Church of Denmark, and who wish to be able to perform weddings — as well as for foreign preachers who apply for residence permits — to learn about Danish family law, freedom and democracy. At the end of the course, all will have to sign a statement that they will accept Danish law, including freedom of speech and religion, gender equality, freedom of sexual orientation, non-discrimination and women’s rights.

    The government will examine how to create more transparency in foreign donations to faith communities in Denmark, including controlling and, if necessary, preventing such donations. As part of this work, on May 4 the government presented a law making it a crime to receive funding from a terror organization to establish or run an institution in Denmark, including schools and mosques.

    1. The Last American Hero

      Absolutely sickening. There is a world of difference between performing a wedding ceremony and having it be legally binding in the eyes of the law.

      1. Zeb

        The Church of Denmark thing is weird too. Odd that a country whose population is mostly non-religious continues to maintain a state church.

        There is a world of difference between performing a wedding ceremony and having it be legally binding in the eyes of the law.

        Sadly, to most people in Europe and North America at least, there really isn’t.

        1. When the marriage licensing office in my county was dicking around trying to enforce non-existent regulations and rules about issuing a license to me and my immigrant wife, I figured that we just do the ceremony and fuck with the paperwork later. My parents absolutely flipped out telling me that my marriage would be a “completel sham” if I did that. When I suggested that a government permission slip is a mere technicality and not defining characteristic of my marriage, the eye rolling began.

          1. Did you tell them that marriage is a compact between God, woman, and man – and not ‘The Man’?

            1. Citizen X

              IT WAS ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND STEVE AND BLOCK YOMOMMA

              1. End Child Unemployment

                Stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s never going to happen!

                1. gimmeasammich

                  I never thought I’d read a Mean Girls reference in these here linx…

          2. Zeb

            Yeah, it’s kind of surprising how deeply most people seem to believe that the marriage license that is what makes you really married.

  13. Ted Cruz refused to endorse Donald Trump in his RNC speech last night.

    I voted for Cruz in the primary and would have seriously considered doing so again, had he not been such a sore loser. Even a statement to the effect of “I pledged to support the party’s candidate and am going to keep my word” would have been less petulent than the way it was handled.

    1. straffinrun

      And it would have gotten the same point across. If I run, you’ll be my Lewendowski?

      1. Libertarian

        Duuuude. I don’t think that’s how you spell Lewinski.

        1. straffinrun

          Depends. Both could manage my slush fund.

    2. Drake

      Me too – voted for Ted. Was irritated at all the times Trump called him a liar. Now I’m surprised that Ted went and proved him right.

      1. Emmerson Biggins

        Endorsing him would have made him a liar.

        He was asked to deliver a speech. He did so, after showing the trumps the speech, in advance. That’s “support” as far as I’m concerned.

    3. Eternal Blue Sky

      “would have been less petulent than the way it was handled.”

      I’m surprised a man titling himself “UnCivil” then thinks Cruz handled this incorrectly.

    4. robc

      “I pledge my support to Trump like I promised, but I am voting for Johnson.”

      I was hoping Paul would follow up that way, but going to Paducah to do eye surgery during the convention got the point across, I think.

      1. SugarFree

        but going to Paducah to do eye surgery

        That sneaky bastard!

        (I’ve honestly seen some Democrat feverswamp comments that claim the pro bono eye surgery is really cover for something nefarious on Paul’s part.)

        1. Lee Genes

          Please cite these opinions for our edification.

          1. SugarFree

            It was on Salon that I remember the real loopy ones, but I can’t seem to find it. Dammit. It was entertainingly insane.

            1. SugarFree

              I did find this charmer from Salon:

              geeliz
              THURSDAY, AUG 14, 2014 09:09 PM EDT
              Since he depends almost entirely on Medicare patients, the causes of death of those he’s actually killed are probably listed as natural or something close to that.

              Really — the guy can’t get REAL certification, so he makes up some fantasy board.

              The guy wants government soooo small that only he can benefit from it.

              Alllrighty then!

      2. Citizen X

        “Going to Paducah to do eye surgery” is my new favorite masturbation euphemism.

    5. Trump called Cruz “lyin’ Ted” over and over again. Trump insulted Cruz’s wife. Trump claimed that Cruz’s father was involved with the JFK assassination.

      It was fitting that Cruz went on stage and poked Trump right in the eye at the convention.

      Also, remember that Trump refused to say if he would endorse the eventual GOP nominee if it wasn’t him.

      1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        ^^This. Also, Cruz vetted his speech and intent with the RNC, and (at least by proxy) with the Trump campaign.

        Cruz is the poster child for the #NeverTrump crowd of conservatives. Had he endorsed Trump, he’d have shot himself in the foot.

        His message was really “you may have to hold your nose and vote for Trump, because Fuck Hillary… but Fuck Trump, too”.

      2. Red Rocks Okey-Dokein

        Also, remember that Trump refused to say if he would endorse the eventual GOP nominee if it wasn’t him

        Yeah, but that’s also related to the pledge the RNC wanted all the candidates to sign not to do a third-party run if they didn’t get the nomination, which came about as a result of the neocon wing of the party freaking out that Trump would siphon off a significant chunk of the GOP base if he wasn’t the nominee. As soon as it became clear that Trump wasn’t going anywhere and might actually get the nomination, those same people started begging for someone, anyone, to step up and do a third-party run. That fizzled out because Romney already had his turn and the party had to finally acknowledge that no one outside the Republican country clubs wants a Bush anywhere near the Presidency again.

        It’s a bit rich for Cruz to tell people to “vote their conscience” after losing the primary. It comes off more like sour grapes rather than a stand on principle.

        1. OneOut

          not many inside the Republican party want a Bush near the Presidency either.

    6. Glide

      I take it as confirmation of my existing opinion of Cruz as a typical self-serving politician, just one I happen to agree with a fair bit platform-wise. He should have kept his word.

      Mostly, though, it demonstrates the stupidity of pledging support to a letter without knowing who it represents. Sometimes the guy who fills that letter implies your dad killed JFK. That doesn’t really change the fact you promised.

  14. Lord Humungus

    Mickey Kaus: They’ll None of Them be Missed

    Pros complain about the screw-ups at the GOP convention ? they didn’t distribute advance copies of embargoed speeches! The app sucked! The whole affair does have a slightly thin, network-variety-special quality.

    It makes you think about what’s been left out ? and then you realize why it might turn out to be a success after all. There are no Bushes! No McCain. No Romneys. Do you miss them? Or would they only serve as a reminder of W’s Iraq war, and the crash of 2008 ? events from which the electorate (and the party) still hasn’t recovered. Where’s Rand Paul? Where’s Condi? Condi gave a very good speech in 2012 ** ? but would her presence really help, given the painful events her tenure is associated with?

    It’s a whole new show. Many of the high-salaried actors from last season weren’t asked back. The new cut-rate cast is finding its footing. A few of the initially appealing characters will need to be developed more fully. But that doesn’t mean it won’t succeed. I thought Dancing With the Stars was amateurish too.

    1. The Last American Hero

      What undecided voter was watching that shitshow and said, “Maybe I should give this Trump ticket another look”?

      1. Brett L

        No one, but this is a “rally the base” election. Who in the hell is going to watch Hillary and friends and think “you know, she really isn’t a grasping shrew surrounded by horrific sycophants”?

        1. My mother in law. 🙂

          1. Citizen X

            My thoughts and prayers are with you.

            1. I found out last night that my MIL knit Hillary Clinton a shawl. This is a big deal; my MIL is a master class knitter and her stuff is actually in demand, although she primarily devotes her output to charity and to family. So my MIL mailed the shawl to an address provided her by the campaign.

              I feel terrible for the hours she wasted. My guess is that Hillary’s staff throws that stuff in the garbage, and it will never be on anyone’s shoulders.

              1. The harpies surrounding the Clinton campaign would never let a nice shawl go to waste.

                1. Citizen X

                  They will use it to swaddle the stillbirths upon which Herself breaks her fast.

                  1. Scotticus Finch

                    This is fantastic.

              2. SugarFree

                I wouldn’t be too sure about that. I’ve worked on political archives… some of them hold onto everything.

                1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

                  On display at the Clinton Museum?

                  Or on sale at the Clinton Museum gift-shop?

                  1. For tarran’s MIL’s sake I hope it was binned. Nobody needs that indignity.

              3. Suthenboy

                It is doubtful that Chairman Cankles will cover up her pantsuit.

                1. Suthenboy

                  Sorry, my misogyny is showing.

                  Chairwoman.

          2. Brett L

            Was she undecided?

            1. Oh no. My MIL has loved the Clintons since they first appeared on the national stage. And the one time she made a passionate appeal for me to join her in supporting them, pretty much every claim she made about the Clintons’ qualities where untrue – diametrically wrong.

              As bad as Fox News/Right wing talk radio is, they are downright informative compared to the MSNBC/progosphere. My MIL has been so run amok that if she were to run into someone from the Ukraine and talk to them they both would think the other had come from some parallel universe with a different historical timeline.

              1. Lord Humungus

                I was in college when the Bill Clinton started running for the presidency. (Gawd they’re like a bad penny.) I knew someone then who was working for them during the Michigan primary. So he got to meet Bill and Hillary.

                This was ’91/92 mind you. I asked him how Hillary looks close up versus what you see on TV.. He made a face. “A face full of wrinkles. And she’s a bitch.”

                1. My American history teacher in 1992 used to work for J. B. Hunt and his wife was Hunt’s kids’ nanny. Hunt was a friend of the Clintons, so when Hunt hosted a party with the Clintons there, my teacher and his wife got to meet the Clintons. His impression was Bill was a charmer who never met a stranger while Hillary was cold and dismissive of “the help”.

      2. What undecided voter was watching that shitshow?

        1. Chipwooder

          +1. I follow politics more than the average bear and I won’t watch one minute of either convention. It’s all a bunch of phony, stage-managed crap….why would anyone care?

          1. There’s probably some currency in watching a major political party collapse in on itself, but it just means hastening the progressive monoculture and honestly that’s more depressing than any amount of schadenfreude is worth.

            1. Chipwooder

              We park our cars in the same garage, my friend. I can derive no joy from the GOP implosion because of the one-party prog nightmare that will be unleashed in its wake.

      3. Lee Genes

        No one. Political conventions are giant circle jerks.

        1. giant circle jerks.

          Really?

          *buys ticket to DNC convention*

          1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            “Hey everybody! The pivot man’s here!”

  15. The department said it is investigating the incident, which reportedly came after officers responded to a 911 call “of an armed male suspect threatening suicide.”

    And police rushed to help.

    1. Joe M

      Hey, suicide is illegal, bub, and the penalty is death.

    2. Ceci n'est pas un woodchipper

      So…if someone is threatening to kill themselves you…shoot him before they can shoot themselves…to prevent them from shooting themselves? I know I’ve got a vicious hangover, but this is making my brain hurt. Is this how police actually think?

      1. Ceci n'est pas un woodchipper

        Wow, that was a grammatical holocaust. I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

        1. Citizen X

          You know who else instituted a holocaust?

          1. The Ottoman Empire?

          2. Lee Genes

            The holodeck salesman?

            1. I’ll allow it.

          3. Brett L

            The Greeks after the sack of Troy?

      2. Look, suicide is a mortal sin. Murder at least can be confessed and absolved.

  16. “Roger Ailes, the former GOP political operative who oversaw the creation of the Fox News Channel and turned it into the leading voice of American conservatism, is in final negotiations to leave as chief executive of the network amid a budding sexual harassment scandal, according to a person with knowledge of the negotiations.”

    Am I missing something? This seems like a tempest in a teapot.

    1. Citizen X

      Fox News brainwashes people with ungoodthinkful Kochfascist propaganda, so of COURSE the guy who shaped it is a creeper. God, it’s like you don’t even thefacebook!

    2. Rich

      A *forty-million-dollar* teapot!

  17. Lord Humungus

    Bank of England report finds economy has not slowed since Brexit vote

    Theresa May’s new administration has received a significant boost from a Bank of England report showing that the economy has been resilient in the first few weeks since the Brexit vote and displays no general signs of slowing down.

    The monthly survey by the Bank’s regional agents ? considered to be the “eyes and ears” of policymakers in Threadneedle Street ? found that a majority of firms questioned were not planning to mothball investment or change hiring plans.

    Even so, City analysts said the Bank was still likely to announce fresh stimulus measures for the economy next month in anticipation that the better-than-expected economic news since the referendum would not last.

    1. This is my stolen shocked face:

      .-.

      I may have it on upside down.

    2. I’m not sure how her administration gets a boost from this. She’s against Brexit and has already said that she won’t even initiate the exit until *everyone* is satisfied with the exit plan.

      That would make sense if Brexit was some big scary thing with unknown consequences. Having it turn out to be an ‘it was Tuesday’ event means that there’s no reason for her reluctance to ‘hammer out all the details’ in advance. It undermines her administration – just leave already and let the pieces fall where they will.

  18. Lord Humungus

    Will Texas become another brick in the Democrats’ blue wall?

    Dallas has gone from solidly Republican to solidly Democratic. A recent poll showed Harris County (Houston), which is about 69 percent minority, with a majority identifying as Democrats. The San Antonio metropolitan area is about three-quarters minority. Travis County (Austin, seat of the state government, the flagship state university and a burgeoning tech economy attracting young people) voted 60.1 percent for President Obama in 2012.

    Asian Americans, Texas’s fastest-growing minority by percentage, were about 3 percent of Texans in 2000 and about 4 percent in 2010. They are projected to be more than 8 percent in 2040.

    In the 2014 gubernatorial election, Hispanics were 25 percent of Texas’s registered voters but only 19 percent of turnout. Two years later, Hispanics are 29 percent of registered voters. Now, suppose the person at the top of a Republican national ticket gives Hispanics the motivation to be, say, 25 percent of turnout. Although it is, Munisteri says, “theoretically possible” for Texas Republicans to win by increasing the white vote, this “political segregation” is, aside from being morally repulsive, politically “a sure-fire long-term losing proposition.”

    1. bassjoe

      Cruz gave that speech assuming he was safe in Texas for the foreseeable future. It’ll be ironic if he loses it in two years due to demographic change.

    2. The Last American Hero

      No. Next question.

    3. They act as if Texas’ minority population is some new thing.

      Just one woman’s opinion, but Texas will switch red to blue not because the minorities are breeding (oh noes!). If it happens, the Republicans will have hamfisted their ruling mandate enough to make people vote for the other team.

      1. No, a red to blue shift is more likely to happen from the california diaspora not realizing why they had to leave california to begin with.

        1. ^THIS.

          I have a couple of California leftist friends who moved to Texas because that’s where the jobs were, and are now hell-bent on turning Texas into California.

          I hope Texas passes some serious constitutional amendments like Colorado’s TABOR and Missouri’s strict scrutiny standard for gun laws before the state is fully ruined by the progressive infestation.

          1. Clich? Bandit

            TABOR is on its last leg. It has been under assault since the day it passed. The towns even call it De-Brucing (After Doug Bruce, the author and primary pusher [along with the LP] of TABOR). We have “Home Rule” in Colorado and there has not been a sufficient test of Home Rule vs. Colorado Constitution to keep these cities/counties from exempting themselves…Plus Ref C (what a fucking fuckity fuck) removed it for 5 years.

        2. Glide

          Having been out of Texas for 6 years now, I always feel really sad when I hear about how hard Californians are working to ruin it.

      2. Unreconstructed (Sans Flag)

        And also as if Texas Hispanics are all Democrats. Or all pro-immigration. Neither of those things is anywhere close to true. Many Texas Hispanics are *very* opposed to illegal immigrants, and many are Republicans. Asians are also split, I’m sure. The black vote, however, is as bloc-ish as anywhere.

    4. Brett L

      Ahhh hahahahaha. Hooo. Ha. Quick, name a democrat who won statewide office in 2014.

      1. Wendy Davis?

        Oh… Oh, wait.

      2. Chip Woodier

        People don’t realize that there’s Texans…and there’s city-folk who live in Texas.

    5. Chipwooder

      Leftists have been jerking off to this thought for over a decade and it hasn’t come close to coming true. I’ll believe it when a Democrat wins a statewide election.

      1. bassjoe

        If you actually read what those analyses have been saying over the past decade, they were saying that it could happen in the 2020s… even a decade ago. This Republican strategist is saying the exact same thing since the state party doesn’t seem to be adapting to demographic change.

        The fact that a Dem hasn’t won a statewide office in decades is a dangerous fact to dwell on. It implies that a Dem may NEVER win a statewide office again and that there is no need to actually adapt to demographic changes. The state party — which used to be strong in Texan cities not named Austin — has lost Dallas and Houston over the past decade; that does not bode well.

    6. B.P.

      “this “political segregation” is, aside from being morally repulsive, politically “a sure-fire long-term losing proposition.””

      I assume block voting by minorities is also morally repulsive.

    7. *Texas* hasn’t. Texan *cities* have. Just like large cities have all over the country. leaving us rural folk to be pissed on and told its raining.

    8. If the Solid South votes starts solidly Democratic again, who will the Democrats have to demonize?

  19. SugarFree

    “Ooo, that Ted Cruz?” the hat grumbled, “He makes me so angry.”

    “Ooo, that Ted Cruz?” Donald grumbled, “He makes me so angry.”

    “So you are just straight up speaking for him now?” the hair asked.

    “Shut up! I’m my own man!” the hat said.

    “Shut up! I’m my own man!” Donald said.

    Donald smiled, frowned, threw up a Nazi salute and then fell forward, his arms and face slack. The hat rolled off his head onto the hotel room floor and the hair dangled helplessly above him.

    “How did you do that?” the hair asked. “You’ve turned him off completely.”

    “I’ve locked you out, Lyin’ Hair Booze!’ the hat cackled.

    “You did what?”

    “Locked you out. He’s mine now. I’m not letting you fuck up the coronation tonight. It has to go perfectly.”

    1. SugarFree

      “Fuck you. I’ve been with Donald for years, asshole. You just came along and and and, what? You think you’re in charge now? I got him through Ivanva. I got him through that hag Marla. I got him off Quaaludes. I was the one holding myself out of the way as he puked for two weeks after catching Russian whore flu!”

      The hair strained to pull himself away from Donald. “I’m going to come down there and kill you!” he screamed.

      “Good luck,” the hat smirked.

      The hair grunted as it struggled to free itself. “What have you done?” he demanded.

      “I used the helicopter-grade glue, you shaggy son-of-a-bitch. It will take solvent to get you off there.”

      The hair shook with rage.

      “And I flushed all the solvent while you were watching Donald take a shower.”

      The hair screeched with rage and then fell limp. As the hair panted with exhaustion, Donald quietly shit himself.

      “What the fuck?” the hair exclaimed.

      “Oh yeah,” the hat said. “He does that now too. No clue why.”

      1. Citizen X

        Beautiful.

      2. Helicopter-grade glue? When you make things up, it takes me out of the reality of your story.

        1. Industrial adhesive would have been more cromulent.

        2. SugarFree

          It’s a grade of toupee glue made especially for withstanding the rigors of getting on and off helicopters under the glare of press coverage.

          Your ignorance is not a knock on my storytelling.

          1. Just a thought not a sermon

            Reminds me of an interesting post from a writer of historical fiction on whether to use a word that is actually correct, even if it sounds wrong:

            http://jobourne.blogspot.com/2…..html#links

            1. SugarFree

              Yeah, that’s why I salute those that write historical fiction. I can’t imagine being nitpicked down to that detail.

              And, of course, I’m just being funny. I have no clue if toupee glue comes in differing strengths.

          2. Know your audience.

            1. SugarFree

              So I have to dumb everything down to just grunts and squiggles?

              1. Citizen X

                And masturbation euphemisms.

      3. Lord Humungus

        poetry in motion…. violent heaving motion.

      4. Well, that explains that.

      5. WTF

        Just…fabulous.

  20. Lord Humungus

    In A Party Full Of Cowards, Cruz Stood Apart

    Say what you will about Ted Cruz’s politics or personality, but it takes a special kind of badassery to stand up at a convention ? in front of millions of viewers ? and unfurl a comprehensive attack on the party’s nominee. It’s also unprecedented. Last night, Cruz gave a commanding and inclusive speech about conservative values. It was so good that the crowd forgot to boo until he was more than halfway finished.

    “Stand and speak and vote your conscience. Vote for candidates up and down the ticket who you trust to defend our freedom.”

    “Freedom matters, and I was part of something beautiful.”

    All these words were broadsides against Donald Trump’s candidacy. By the end, the crowd tried to drown him out with boos and pro-Trump chants. Cruz’s wife had to be escorted out of the convention center because a mob of Trump fans was threatening her. A man in a donor suite had to be restrained when Cruz walked by. They don’t want something beautiful at the RNC, they want something angry.

    1. Lee Genes

      Party over principle

    2. Libertarian

      “Stand and speak and vote your conscience. Vote for candidates up and down the ticket who you trust to defend our freedom.”

      If party conventioneers booed him for saying this, then perhaps the GOP really is dying before our eyes.

      1. Brett L

        Yes, I think that is true. I don’t think the GOP will be the same party in 2017. Only a Hillary win can keep them together.

        1. If Trump wins, I expect a purge of anyone with a whiff of anti-Trump sentiment like Cruz, Ben Sasse, etc.

          If Trump loses, which I expect him to by a big margin, I am _not_ expecting a purge of Christie, Huckabee, LePage, etc.

          Cheeto Jesus comes across as a vindictive character. The anti-Trump GOP crowd will just try to keep the party together.

          1. Brett L

            I don’t think “purge” is the right word. They essentially have two parties, the one wants to grow the government as fast as the Democrats, but spend the money differently, and the other is an amalgamation of interest groups who want this part or that part of the government pared back. The only thing keeping them together right now is that the pro-gun, anti-abortion voters have nowhere else to go. I don’t think that the center can hold. Trump is the proof that nobody trusts GOP elected officials. I squarely blame the Priebus/McConnell/Boehner faction for that. But I don’t know how anyone wrests control of the party machinery from that group. They’ll probably have to form a different party. Hopefully one that can be relied upon to stay bought and oppose the other parties on issues their voting base cares about.

  21. “At some point during the on-scene negotiation, one of the responding officers discharged his weapon, striking the employee of the [assisted living facility].”

    Three shots is the absolute upper limit for an accidental discharge. Anything else and the department is forced to consider it might have been intentional.

    1. Drake

      You never know when those things are going just start discharging.

      1. People don’t kill people, guns kill people.

        1. ant1sthenes

          Guns don’t kill people, the government does.

    2. The first shot was accidental, the second shot was out of surprise, and the third shot was just incredulity.

  22. Russia has lost its appeal of the Olympic ban on Russian track and field athletes. Those Russian athletes were barred from participating in the upcoming summer games in Rio de Janeiro due to allegations of state-sponsored doping.

    There’s a good joke in here about libertarians and East German women, but I was up late making wine and sourdough and I haven’t had enough coffee yet.

    Over to y’all.

    1. Citizen X

      up late making wine and sourdough

      Now that is an intensely evocative euphemism.

      1. SugarFree

        You knead both. I both see the problem.

      2. Brett L

        Fermentation.

    2. I made pepper jelly and hot sauce. My hot sauce will be ready for straining tomorrow. Brace yourself butthole.
      *slaps own rear*

      1. What kind of peppers?

        1. Bell.

        2. Right now, Sweet pepper, jalape?o, Serrano, and habaneros. August I’m planting Panca, Aji Amarillo, Roctoto, and datil.

          The hot sauce is Serrano.

          The jelly is jalape?o, sweet pepper and habaneros:

          1. WTF

            I discovered Panca and Aji Amarillo a few years back. They are da bomb.

            1. I’m growing them partially for my MIL. She is from Peru and can only find them dried here. I’m going to surprise her with fresh peppers.

              1. Dang, FL. You are a good son-in-law.

          2. I love cooking with habanero. My brother’s an extremophile when it comes to hot peppers and for awhile was growing some cultivar of Bhut jolokia before one of the dogs got at it.

            1. “Bhut” in Hindi means ghost. I once bought “ghost pepper salsa” at the local grocery store without realizing that it was actually the ghost peppers I was familiar with growing up in India.

              I scooped a big amount of salsa with my first tortilla chip, and it HURT. For 2 days.

              1. Im tempted to grow Carolina reapers just for the hell of it, but the seeds are expensive.

              2. How is it typically used, Injun?

                1. Hot chili peppers are typically sun dried and ground up. Then they are used to spice up food of all sorts – typically with turmeric and salt.

                  In north central India, people deep fry peppers with batter. When you bite in, you get a nice crispy feeling, and then there’s a chain reaction in your mouth from the pepper. It’s fun. 🙂

              3. Private Chipperbot

                Ghost pepper salsa is great if done right. Meijer (michigan) used to carry a great one, but it was discontinued.

            2. I like the flavor of habaneros. I don’t like hot just for the sake of hot.

              1. He does. Makes his cooking unbearable. Relieved me that the dog getting at it first.

              2. SugarFree

                I make a pineapple-habanero chutney for Thanksgiving, for the smoked turkey. And it makes a nice sandwich spread.

                1. Sounds tasty. Spicy-Sweet is one of my favorite flavor combinations.

                2. Citizen X

                  I was gonna say something about a masturbation euphemisms, but that sounds delicious.

                  1. SugarFree

                    It’s super-easy. I dice half a cored pineapple, put it in a blender with the juice and zest of two limes, and two seeded habaneros, and blend it down into a slurry. Then you just cook it on low in a saucepan until it reduces to a fairly thick paste. Depending on your pineapple, you might need to add a little sugar to balance out the taste.

                    1. Thanks SF, recipe saved.

              3. WTF

                Same here. I tried some Carolina Reaper hot sauce a while back, and it was just stupidly hot.

                1. Gimme a chipotle salsa or tomatillo jalapeno sauce sauce any day.

                  1. I made a chipotle mayo and it was damn tasty. I started cooking things just so I could use it. Really simple too, just canned chipotle peppers and mayo in a blender.

                    1. SugarFree

                      Mashed sweet potatoes and chipotles in adobo sauce is an easy and delicious side-dish. And steaming sweet potatoes rather than boiling them makes it even better.

                    2. Brett L

                      Paging sloopy to the white courtesy phone. Sloopy, for help on hipster mayonnaise.

    3. What kind of wine are you making?

      1. Peach. Texas peaches are in season and fantastic.

        I’ve made blackberry wine before, so the process is not unfamiliar, but this is my first attempt with peaches. I have one small batch started on July 1st, and it’s going well so I thought I’d do up a little more.

        1. Brett L

          If you ever want tips on turning that into brandy… But only hypothetical ones, because distillation without a license is illegal.

          1. I want tips on brandy making. 😀

            Hypothetically, what is the best type of imaginary still one can use to make imaginary small batches of brandy?

        2. Nice — did you juice them or are you fermenting peach chunks in water? The orchard I typically get peaches from here in Virginia lost a lot of their crop this year to a late frost. :[

          I usually make a couple of fruit wines during the summer but I haven’t this year – I spent so much time finishing up last year’s 100 gallons of cider and will be getting ready for apple season again… I did a couple of grape wines last year but neither were that great (I couldn’t find anyone who would sell me small qty of the wine grapes I wanted – the traminette and cab franc I got were both meh).

          1. Kind-of-sort-of fermenting chunks in water. Here’s my base recipe, but we both know I’m only using that as a guideline.

            I washed, peeled and sliced three pounds of peaches, and ran them through the blender with the juice of half a lemon and a small amount of water. In a pot, I brought a pound of sugar and six cups of water to just a simmer, and then let it cool to blood-warm. Then I added the yeast to the water and let it proof. Mixed together the peach puree and yeasty simple syrup, put everything into clean bottles and off-gas it on the counter for 24 hours or until it calms down enough. Then I move it to an out-of-the-way corner where I continue daily off-gassing for thirty days, strain and re-bottle in new containers. I will probably rack it at least once after that, because sediment.

            Hard cider is a treasure. I’m surprised you seem to post sober.

            1. I do most of my posting from my work computer… -_- I’d love to be making cider for a living at which point I would expect my daily sobriety levels would go down.

              Peach wine sounds good — I know peaches can be hard to juice because of their high pectin content. I might try getting some this weekend and attempting a fizzy peach drink (I’ve done this with strawberries – basically make a dry 7% fruit wine and then force carbonate it in a corny keg).

              1. We should email. Do you have Sloopy’s info? We can trade digits and email addresses through him.

                1. No, I don’t have his contact information – you can email me through this craigslist post and I’ll send my contact information:

                  http://charlottesville.craigsl…..77411.html

                2. Clich? Bandit

                  Sloop IS the internet.

                3. Sent my e-mail address back through CL — did that work?

          2. Do you ever make wine from oranges?

            I’ve got two oranges so I have more oranges than I know what to do with.

            I’ve got a batch of Ben Hardy’s orange wine recipe going but I have a bad feeling about it ? I converted it from imperial to American gallons and I’m not sure I did it right so I’d like to see a recipe in American units.

            1. Never made anything from oranges but try looking up a recipe for “skeeter pee” which is a wine made from lemons and I’m sure you could substitute with oranges.

              1. Nice! I can do that with the in-laws’ lemons from their tree.

                I’ll really have to adapt it for oranges. Oranges are sweeter and less acidic than lemons. I tried making orange sorbet with a lemon sorbet recipe.

                It was almost like drinking simple syrup, it was so sweet.

    4. The Russian athletes had been training in Colorado.

  23. Lord Humungus

    Cuba Continues to Block Internet Access

    One year after the Cuban flag was hoisted above its embassy in Washington, D.C., Havana remains one of the least connected global capitals as Ra?l Castro’s government continues to block internet access for most on the island, a senior State Department official said Wednesday morning.

    While the Obama administration has eased restrictions on telecommunications companies hoping to penetrate the Cuban market, Havana has been slow to reciprocate, the official told reporters during a conference call.

    “In terms of the connectivity, obviously that’s something that we would like to see move more quickly,” the State Department official said. “We’ve taken action on our part to facilitate potential business with U.S. telecom and Internet companies.”

    1. The Last American Hero

      They’re just trying to keep it real.

  24. Rich

    Protester Lights Himself On Fire While Trying To Burn American Flag

    “You’re on fire! You’re on fire, stupid!” a Cleveland officer shouted at a protester while firing the extinguishing spray.

    Fucking cops don’t even respect the First Amendment.

    1. I still think it would have been funnier if the cops let them get on with it. “No, no, freedom of speech, buddy.” “AAAUUGH, FLAMES AAAUGH PUT IT OUT!” “He has his rights, folks, let the man get his message across.”

      1. Rich

        Yep.

        “Everybody knows I have no obligation to protect individuals.”

        1. If he’d been wearing a US flag shirt–the kind George Holy War Bush wanted the death sentence for burning–the cop would have been correct to put out the fire before shooting the protester.

      2. “He has his rights, folks, let the man get his message across.”

        yes please

    2. Brett L

      If this isn’t the best argument for keeping flag burning legal, I don’t know what is.

    3. SugarFree

      Give me a minute. I’ve got something in my eye.

    4. RBS

      Carl Dix, a representative of Revolutionary Communist Party, said the group organized the burning of the American flag as a “political statement about the crimes of the American empire. There’s nothing great about America.”

      I think this quote speaks for itself.

      1. I suspect a lot of people will be tempted to think, “Awww, those yucks are just spoiled young college kids, throwing away the awesomeness of their American birthright. Murica, fuck yeah!”

        But I think they were invoking this.

        And I would have to completely agree.

        1. Agree with what? That video?

        2. Idle Hands

          Good god what a load of fucking malarkey.

        3. Red Rocks Okey-Dokein

          Based on the pictures I saw, most of them are aging hippies, not spoiled college kids.

      2. WTF

        I would be curious to ask him for a list of America’s imperial holdings.

        1. US Virgin island. Guam. Marianna Islands. American Samoa. There are a bunch; mainly conquered in the execrable Spanish-American War.

          1. Private Chipperbot

            I’m a direct descendant of Winfield Scott. Pistols at dawn!

          2. WTF

            Yeah, quite an empire there. Any indication they would prefer independence?

            1. The joke about the American Empire is that it’s the only empire in history where the wealth flows out to the colonies than in from the colonies to the homeland.

            2. Kind of irrelevant. The question is would they have preferred not to join in the first place back when that was not an option.

              Today, even if they preferred independence it doesn’t matter. They, like the rest of us, don’t get to leave.

              1. Its like saying slavery was OK because the descendants of those slaves are doing so much better than the descendants of those not enslaved.

                Forced joining into a political union is forced joining into a political union even if that union ends up working to your benefit.

          3. Not a whole lot. And some, such as the North Mariana Islands have voluntarily moved towards closer ties with the U.S. instead of independence.

      3. #FeelTheBern

    5. straffinrun

      Thank you this.

  25. Juvenile Bluster

    US Airstrike in Syria allegedly kills 73 civilians, including 20 children

    Winning hearts and minds!

    1. Well now that we can see the parts in question, we can seize them.

    2. You don’t know that none of them would ever have become a terrorist. Also, something something Bush.

    3. Libertarian

      Only 73? Didn’t that guy in Nice kill 84 with a truck? I think I’ve figured out how to slash the defense budget. GMC! GMC! GMC!

      1. https://youtu.be/d1iuREZi10w

    4. If Bush was President, this would be run in an endless loop on the networks until everyone knew the names of the people killed.

      But we have President Hope-and-Change in office, so it will be an inconspicuous blip.

      1. WTF

        The anti-war left is too busy making Trump papier mache heads.

  26. Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has declared a three-month state of emergency.

    It’ll probably take longer than that.

    1. He has tens of thousands of deeply involved coup conspirators to deal with. Could be years.

      1. Libertarian

        Unindicted coup conspirators.

      2. 90 days is plenty of time. Call it 50,000 people arrested. Let’s say 15K get their own firing squad – that’s just over 150/day. Should be able to wrap it up on 90 days no problem.

        1. And hopefully under budget.

        2. IndyEleven

          Great Beria’s Ghost! Blokhin could liquidate 200/day by himself. Surely the Turks won’t be outclassed by some mid-century Soviet.

          1. Mid-century communists were particularly unskilled at many things, mass murder of purported dissidents is not one of them.

          2. The Turks were able to eliminate something like ? of their Armenian population. I don’t think the Soviets were half that thorough.

    2. Brett L

      Well, I’m sure just as he gets this settled, the “Kurds” will attempt armed insurrection and he’ll be forced to continue the state of emergency.

      1. bassjoe

        The same Kurds who condemned the coup… the irony. Though the Turkish military governments have been particularly horrible to the Kurds so I guess they chose the slightly less horrible option.

        Then again, who has NOT been horrible to the Kurds over the past century?

    3. straffinrun

      three-month state of emergency.

      Good name for a country.

      1. Until the state of emergency outlives three months… then six… then a year…

        1. straffinrun

          After that just go with The Democratic Republic of Eternal Pantshitting.

          1. A police state?

    4. Eternal Blue Sky

      Seems like a great time for a Turk to suddenly discover that he’s really Syrian and head west…

    5. This shows Erdogan has been reading Ayn: Wesley Mouch, Top Co-ordinator of the Bureau of Economic Planning and National Resources, “in a surprise move,” said the paper, “and in the name of the national emergency,” had issued a set of directives…

    6. ant1sthenes

      Just ask France.

  27. Those Russian athletes were barred from participating in the upcoming summer games in Rio de Janeiro due to allegations of state-sponsored doping.

    Turns out doping is a vaccine for Zika

    1. Still an unfair advantage.

  28. “Police in South Florida shot an unarmed black caretaker Monday as he tried to help his autistic patient.”

    It’s rabbit season!

    1. Lord Humungus

      Duck Season!

      1. *shoots both*

        Sorry, I’m a poacher.

  29. Certified Public Asshat

    Somehow this blog post by Gillespie got buried:

    Two Libertarians – John Mackey and Penn Jillette – Are Slowly Turning Me Into a Vegan And I’m Totally OK With That

    Gillespie is retiring the leather jacket.

    1. Lord Humungus

      As an ex-vegan (10 years!): I wouldn’t recommend veganism to anyone.

      1. I am glad to hear you recovered from that condition.

        1. Lord Humungus

          The first time I had a steak – after ten years without one – I fell out of my chair. “Damn that’s good!”

          1. Was it bloody rare or awful?

            1. Certified Public Asshat

              I don’t think Uncivil cooked it.

              1. I had briefly thought about writing a long comment debunking the “UnCivil doesn’t like anything” jokes. But I find them funny.

                I did just find the proper type of cherries, so at some point I have to bake another Black forest Cake (The last one I made the only thing I didn’t make from scratch was the chocolate and the booze, but I couldn’t find the right type of cherries).

                Shame I’m on a diet, I’d have to give most of it away to avoid overindulgence.

            2. Lord Humungus

              well done – Trump style!

              😉

              1. Really though, I’m curious. How rare was it?

                Growing up, mom crisped the shit out of every piece of meat she cooked. Steaks and pork chops and chicken was always dry and chewy and bland. I was pretty sure I’d go vegetarian when I moved out, until I had my first rare steak and realized it’s not only ham that has flavor.

                1. Citizen X

                  Same here. It wasn’t until i moved out and developed my own cooking skills that i realized how utterly awful at cooking my mom is.

                  1. Lord Humungus

                    My mom was a bad, bad cook – she just had no interest in it. So we had hamburgers – lots of hamburgers. And pot roasts. The occasional super-salty lasagna.

                    After my parents retired my dad took over the cooking for the two of them. He generally makes the same 3-4 meals over and over, but they’re still better than what I ate growing up.

                    Thanks to Cook’s Illustrated I started to enjoy cooking and got more experimental. I do enjoy making a good wine sauce with my steaks.

                    1. Mater Dean became a very good cook over the years. When I was little (’60s into the ’70s), it was classic mid-century housewife fare – casseroles, lots of canned ingredients. Check out Lileks’ Gallery of Regrettable Food for the flava.

                      Now, she’s an excellent cook. As is Mrs. Dean, whose skillz have also been improved once she left Wisconsin, where they believe ketchup is a spice.

                      I can follow a recipe. If its short, simple, and I have lots of time.

                  2. Trshmnstr, terror of the trash

                    Yup, I hated meatloaf until I tried some that wasn’t my mom’s.

                2. Lord Humungus

                  That was a long time ago. I used to cook my steaks until there was just a touch of pink so it was probably one step below well-done.

                  These days I like ’em a little bloodier.

      2. lap83

        A former coworker tried it for a few months and she said she could feel her body wasting away, in an unhealthy sense. She looked healthy and strong before and then started to look vaguely diseased.

        It seems like, MAYBE, it’s possible to do it in a healthy way. But what’s the point in turning eating into a complex riddle when you can easily be healthy by not shunning a huge category of normal food.

        1. Lord Humungus

          All the damn carbs were making me fat.

          My brother is still vegan, as is the rest of his family. His wife just became fatter and fatter eating all of that “healthy food”. The last time he visited, I watched the amount of crap they shoveled down their mouths – sugar, sugar, sugar in some form or another was all that I saw.

          1. I love low-carb dieting. It’s not always the most convenient, but it forces me to think about my meals a bit more. I suspect that’s what vegans like about veganism, besides the moral crap. It’s a way to engage with cooking, which I enjoy anyway.

            I made an almond flour and flaxseed loaf last night. Good and hearty, great for dunking. Going to try for a lighter sandwich loaf using peanut butter later today.

            1. Citizen X

              If the peanut butter’s already in the bread, that does save time.

            2. I’ve been giving long thoughts to a loaf of graham flour sourdough with coconut flour to assist. Theoretically, this would be a low(er) carb solution. I’m having trouble finding graham flour locally, which is why I haven’t tested it yet.

              We don’t do low carb, exaaaaactly. I’ve got a husband and kids, and being the only person who can cook in the house grants me fearsome power which ought not be abused. So I aim for low(er) carb, education and putting plenty of options on the table.

              If anyone tries that sourdough graham/coconut loaf, let me know, yeah? I’ll do the same.

              1. Huh. Graham crackers. Never knew. I’ll keep an eye out. I’m not obsessive about the low-carb thing, it’s more of a hobby. But it does shock me thinking back on the amount of sugar we ate growing up. Pastry strudels for breakfast? Frosted Flakes? Big honking sodas and glasses of koolaid? Regularly snacking from vending machines… desserts on top of dinner… and jesus, the sodas all the time.

                Mom complains about GMOs and how they’ve made us fat. Uh, come again? Do you not realize how awash we are in sugar? Do you not recall the tons of sugar you fed us as kids!? Thank god for good genes, I guess.

                1. Nothing like listening to guilt-ridden lard-buckets comparing notes…

                  1. Man is not meant to live with more than 15% body fat.

                  2. I’m a size 2 with D cup tits. You can piss off now.

                    1. Wow. You have tiny feet.

                    2. bacon-magic

                      Pics please.

                    3. Certified Public Asshat

                      I am also curious to see a large breasted hamster.

                2. There was a stretch after law school where I was pretty much a vegetarian. Looking back, my diet was basically 90% carbs. Its a wonder my pancreas survived.

                  I quit being a vegetarian in Wisconsin. I lived in the country, and I looked out the window at all the deer and said “Fuck it.” Five days later I had a fridge full of venison.

                  1. Agent Cooper

                    YOU MONSTER!

              2. If you live near a Trader Joe’s , you can get a loaf of sprouted seven grain bread. 4 grams of carbs per slice, tastes and feels like bread, and comes presliced and ready for making sandwiches and toast.

                Still fun to bake your own, but I keep a few loaves of this stuff in the freezer at all times.

        2. Citizen X

          I live in the same city as PETA headquarters, and used to move in the same circles as a lot of their employees. Never once have i seen a remotely healthy-looking vegan.

          The human body is omnivorous, folks. Get over it.

          1. “Britta, we’re done. I ate a hamburger the other day and suddenly I’m not cold all the time.”

            1. “It’s an ethical thing. I don’t think humans should be treated like this.”

              1. lap83

                That’s one of my favorites

                “Come on. You must have some meat somewhere around here. What was that I saw wandering around earlier?”

                “The cat.”

                “That’ll do, I’ll have that, with some rice.”

                1. “Face it, you want to hound a species to extinction. Me, I just want to eat some meat.”

        3. Zeb

          Well, in Penn’s case, the point was apparently to lose 100 lbs. Though I’m not sure why veganism was necessary and not just cutting out certain high-calorie foods.

      3. Spoonman.

        I know one vegetarian, and she could not keep it up while pregnant. Her body wouldn’t allow it.

        1. Trshmnstr, terror of the trash

          I tried the whole vegetarian/vegan thing in college. My girlfriend and best friend were both hovering on the vegetarian/vegan line (why do all vegetarians feel so guilty that theyre not vegans?). It was miserable and Iade it a point to hang out with regular friends to get some weekly protein intake. However, having learned to cook good vegetarian food helps out a ton in the kitchen. It’s very easy to cover up deficiencies in food with a slab of meat.

          1. Trshmnstr, terror of the trash

            *I was miserable and *made it a point

            (bad phone!)

          2. Citizen X

            I mean, there are serious ethical, environmental, and health issues with modern industrial factory farms (which would largely be addressed by ending federal agricultural subsidies), and i’ve lately gotten really into elaborate salads and roasting the hell out of all kinds of vegetables in the oven… but if i don’t eat a hamburger or some chicken or some kind of legit animal protein at least a couple times a week, i feel physically weak and mentally hazy.

            1. Red Rocks Okey-Dokein

              I mean, there are serious ethical, environmental, and health issues with modern industrial factory farms

              I agree. The problem is that vegans take it beyond simple reform of the industry to a cult-like stance that all meat-eating is unhealthy. It’s actually one of the ways that humans keep weight off, because the fat in meat helps satiate you so you don’t have to eat as much.

              Look at people like John Robbins–the guy looks like a Holocaust survivor. Vegans like Tony Gonzalez are the exception because they can afford the type of supplements that keeps their muscles from wasting away; most of them are gaunt to the point of nausea.

              1. WTF

                And the dirty little secret of those “supplements” is that they are derived from animal proteins. Made from animals.

            2. Trshmnstr, terror of the trash

              I’m a big fan of local, small scale agriculture. I know it means that I surround myself with crunchy morons, but it’s better product, IMO. Factory farmed food, even setting aside all ethical concerns, is made to be marketable to the lowest common denominator at the sacrifice of taste.

              1. Zeb

                Yeah. It’s not really an ethical thing, but small farms are aesthetically pleasing and produce a better product.

              2. I’m a big fan of local, small scale agriculture. I know it means that I surround myself with crunchy morons, but it’s better product, IMO.

                With local produce, you’re more likely to get something that was picked ripe rather than something picked green and ripened on the way to the store.

                There is a world of taste between the two.

                I started growing my own tomatoes a few years and once I tasted them, I knew I had to expand my garden. When I have a store bought tomato, it’s like they took the flavor of one home grown tomato and spread it amongst all the tomatoes in the store.

          3. I did vegetarianism for a week (with eggs because I wasn’t being a nazi about it) and I did eat a lot of refried beans, which are good. It was okay. I drowned everything in hot sauce.

    2. Back in my day a man having a mid life crisis dumped his wife for a sports car and a younger woman, and damnit we were all proud of him.

      1. Certified Public Asshat

        Penn did it to lose weight. Eating salad with oil dressing I suppose will work. His bone health is another matter.

    3. Based on the clips from the RNC, Gillespie’s gotten fat

      explain that

      1. Citizen X

        If you vegan, your body thinks you’re starving it to death, and stores as much fat as it can get.

  30. Lord Humungus

    Seattle TSA Worker Arrested on Voyeurism Charge

    A Transportation Security Administration agent in Seattle was arrested after allegedly being spotted using a phone to take video up a woman’s skirt at the city’s airport, according to authorities.

    Nicholas Fernandez, 29, was arrested on a charge of voyeurism Tuesday, Seattle police said in an arrest report. The incident occurred on an escalator, and not in a security line.

    “TSA does not tolerate illegal, unethical or immoral conduct,” a spokesperson for the TSA said in a statement.

    “When such conduct is alleged, TSA investigates it thoroughly. When appropriate, TSA requests that it be investigated by a law enforcement authority. When an investigation finds that misconduct has occurred, the appropriate action is taken.”

    1. The Last American Hero

      What about the dozens of workers copping a feel on a daily basis?

      1. Joe M

        Hm, maybe they meant to say, “TSA does not tolerate illegal, unethical and immoral conduct.” Two out of three doesn’t cut it.

        1. The “or” in logic also includes “and” unless you add stipulations. The Transport Sozialist Arbeiterpartei is nothing if not logical, intelligent and altruistic.

          1. Citizen X

            I originally read that last word as “autistic,” and it made sense to me.

          2. Joe M

            It’s an XOR.

  31. Juvenile Bluster

    Just posted on twitter, via Balko: Cops kill family dog at child’s birthday party.

    WYNNEWOOD, Okla. (KOKH) ? “There’s something wrong with Opie.”

    Vickie Malone heard those words come from her young son as he stared outside the window of their Wynnewood home.

    Malone had just taken in the children from outside where they had been playing while celebrating the birthday of her five-year-old son. Inside the birthday cake and ice cream hadn’t even been served when they heard the bang from outside.

    That bang was the sound of a Wynnewood police officer shooting the family dog. Opie was a three-year-old American Bulldog and Pit Bull mix. To her son Eli, he was his best friend.

    “I would have fun with him when he runned around and we played tag,” Eli told FOX 25.

    The adults ran outside to see Opie near the fence that surrounds their yard.

    “He [Opie] was over here kicking and gasping for air,” Vickie said.

    The police officer used a high-powered rifle he retrieved from his police vehicle to put the dog down. He fired two more shots from the rifle in front of the children.

    1. Joe M

      That dog was viciously attacking him! He had no choice! It was a split second decision to walk back to his car, open the trunk, remove the rifle, then go back and shoot the dog.

      1. Spoonman.

        Totality of the circs!

        1. We looked at the totality of the circumstances nad they damn the officer.

          1. The Grinch

            Being attacked and shooting the dog with a sidearm, sure. Going back to the car, getting a rifle and shooting the dog when it’s not a threat and is behind a fence in someone’s yard, no way. Nothing will happen to this idiot though, at least not until his sorry judgement causes him to do something that should have been completely foreseeable to a person.

          2. WTF

            Just in case anyone had any doubt that the police have a large population of sociopaths in their ranks.

    2. These idjits really have no idea how deep the shit they’re in is, do they.

    3. Oklahoma is where prohibition raiders went to the wrong address and killed 2 farmers on the Fourth of July, 1929. I wonder if the warrant for someone who ten years ago pointed to that address was for hemp seeds.
      But ya gotta hand it to the fascisti. They are getting really good at hiding the names of their random killers from the press and quietly releasing them by mock trial.

    4. Ceci n'est pas un woodchipper

      I’ll go on record, woodchippers and all, and say that if a cop were to shoot one of my dogs he or she isn’t going home that night unless I’m dead. Which is to say that I would kill said cop without a second’s hesitation. With a gun. By shooting him or her. Just to be clear.

      1. WTF

        Well, you just lit the Preet signal.

      2. If I hear a gunshot and see a cop leaning over the fence to shoot my dogs, I can’t guarantee what my reaction will be.

        I will certainly be in fear of my life, I can tell you that. And I might feel compelled to defend myself.

        1. Brett L

          How would you even know it was a real police officer and not some psychopath kitted out to play his sick fantasies? I think it would be your duty to defend yourself and your family from that real and immediate threat.

    5. Suthenboy

      No word on what the cop was doing there in the first place? Wandering around looking for a dog to shoot?

  32. Lord Humungus

    Elvis have a sad.

    In hot Acapulco, too many bodies in morgue’s fridges

    Morgue workers lifted a man’s dismembered body that was dumped on the street of a poor Acapulco neighborhood in broad daylight, then picked up his severed leg and a bag containing his head.

    They placed the body parts in the back of a van and drove toward the Mexican Pacific resort’s only coroner’s office, a place overcrowded with scores of unclaimed corpses.

    Inside the morgue’s cold chambers, bodies lay in pairs side by side on shelves meant to hold just one — a grim symbol of the drug cartel-related killings swamping the authorities in Mexico’s murder capital.

    1. Lord Humungus

      Obligatory

      1. Elspeth Flashman

        Elvis does the same dive every time.

    2. So those killings had nothing whatsoever to do with men with guns enforcing prohibition laws?

      1. They need common sense hatchet and machete and hacksaw prohibitions.

    3. Krapulent Kristen

      I worked for the guy a few years ago that I couldn’t stand. He was all excited about his rental property in Acapulco that he had just purchased. I’m LOLing at him now.

      1. Krapulent Kristen

        worked for A guy, not THE guy.

  33. Ted Cruz refused to endorse Donald Trump in his RNC speech last night.

    So Alpha.

    1. John

      No. The Alpha move was not showing up at all. Cruz just showed what a beta he is. The real alpha is the Aqua Buddha who is out doing eye surgeries and acting like he doesn’t need anyone’s approval. Not caring is the Alpha move.

      1. That post did not require an answer, but you did answer, and you are right.

        1. John

          And of course, I revealed myself as a beta for giving an answer. Not answering is always the alpha move.

          1. Respect.

      2. Spoonman.

        Agreed, what Cruz did was the best option for speaking at the convention, but nowhere near as good as Kasich simply staying away or, even better, Rand Paul healing the blind – while one state away from the convention.

        1. John

          I respect Paul for having a life and being able to step away from politics and do something else a hell of lot more than I do someone who shows up to hog the spotlight and throw a tantrum.

          I don’t know that Paul will ever be President. And I don’t agree with him about everything, but I can’t help but like the guy. He seems like a decent person who has some priorities beyond obsessing about power and being in the spotlight.

          If you notice, no one in the Senate seems to hate Paul anything like they hate Cruz, even though Paul causes the powers that be just as much aggravation as Cruz. I think that has something to do with the kind of person Paul is and the kind of person Cruz is not.

        2. robc

          While technically Ohio and Kentucky touch, Paducah is a freakin long way from Cleveland.

          1. robc

            8 hr 3 min drive time according to google maps. I would have guessed longer. I also would have thought the fastest route was across IN and IL, but apparently not, thru Cincy and Louisville is faster.

            The northern route is an hour slower.

          2. A frilly pink thing

            “While technically Ohio and Kentucky touch, ”

            Technically?

            1. “Show us on the map . . . .”

            2. robc

              My point is that Cleveland, OH is no where near Cincinnati, and Paduch, KY is no where near Newport.

              So the fact that they touch is beside the point.

        3. Azathoth!!

          Thing is, Rand kept his promise as well.

          Keeping your word is the alpha move.

          Principles, not principals.

  34. John

    The remarkable thing about the Cruz speech has nothing to do with Trump. it is how people who claim the loudest about their principles often have the fewest of them.

    The same people who spent all last fall claiming that Trump all GOP candidates must pledge to support the nominee are now singing the praises of former candidate Cruz for refusing to support the nominee. People who refused to vote for Rubio because they didn’t trust him on immigration are now claiming that voting for Gary Johnson, a guy who has consistently and unapologetically advocated for open borders his entire career, is the only principled choice. The same people who spent the entire winter and spring acting on the assumption that the only way to stop Trump was to deny him a majority of the delegates, then decided that the delegates were never really bound to vote for anyone after Trump got said majority.

    No matter what you think of Trump, the situational ethics of the Never Trump people is just remarkable. At some point everyone needs to ask themselves if their stated principles have ever required them to do something they didn’t like or accept a result they didn’t want. If the answer is no, and I think for a lot of people it is, then you don’t have principles. You have a set of ever changing clever rationalizations to get whatever you want right now.

    1. The Grinch

      Cruz, being the most moral person in the room, broke a pledge to support the nominee , whoever it was, knowing full well he’d beat people over the head with it if the he was the nominee and someone was refusing to support him. He should have simply declined to speak but, being the oily and self-aggrandizing snake oil salesman he is, he just couldn’t help himself.

      It doesn’t bother me that Trump’s getting a black eye here but it shouldn’t be used to hold Cruz up as some kind of moral giant. He’s an oppurnustic weasel and a class A douchebag.

      1. John

        I don’t think Cruz is getting a black eye. In fact, I think it probably helps him a bit. Trump let Cruz speak even though he knew beforehand Cruz wasn’t going to endorse him. The whole thing makes Cruz look small and Trump look like the bigger person. Also, it makes it pretty hard for the Democrats to use their usual tactic of “he is a crazy bible thumping conservative” on Trump when the whole country just say the chief crazy bible thumping conservative refuse to endorse him.

        1. Aloysious

          Trump let Cruz speak even though he knew beforehand Cruz wasn’t going to endorse him. The whole thing makes Cruz look small and Trump look like the bigger person.

          I was going to make a similar point. Well said.

          1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            All the Trumpkins piling on.

            1. The Grinch

              Believe it or not, saying someone who dissed Trump is an asshole doesn’t mean you like Trump. I know its hard to wrap your head around but, hell, give it a shot.

  35. John

    http://www.latimes.com/opinion…..story.html

    Progressives at the LA Times learn to love military coups. Wow have these people lost their minds.

    1. Brett L

      Violence is evil unless the alternative is being governed by Republicans!

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      Hell, they seem to be actively calling for one here should Trump win.

      1. John

        They don’t seem to be. They are. There won’t of course be one. But how pathetic do you have to be to wish for one?

        1. Their authority boner got all excited watching Erdogan round up his enemies by the tens of thousands, and they asked themselves “Why can’t we get some of that sweet purge action here?”

          1. They’ve already succeeded at purging our education system of non-liberals, so there is that.

    3. lap83

      What are they going to use as weapons? SJW kids throwing tantrums en masse?

      1. John

        They are going to go to Lafayette Park and hold their breath until that racist Trump is removed from office.

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a democratic president, but nobody would vote for her. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table.
          [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
          Bart: Dad, what’s the point of this story?
          Homer: [cheerily] I like stories.

      2. Brett L

        No, no. The evil Army that was full of baby-killers in 2008 is going to save them because it is now full of Constitutionalists.

        1. Is that a euphemism for the alphabet soup brigade I’ve not heard before?

    4. Lee Genes

      I don’t like Trump but don’t you usually wait until they actually do something totalitarian before you start calling for a coup?

    5. Lord Humungus

      Considering how much the military supports Trump or Johnson – at least according to some polls – a coup may not be in the left’s best interest.

      1. John

        And before that a shit ton of them supported Ron Paul. I don’t think the left would like military rule very much.

        1. Chipwooder

          Well, why else do you think they’re doing so much social engineering in the ranks? They’re trying to create a more compliant military amenable to leftist doctrines.

          1. John

            I think you are right about that. And if you really want to be paranoid, why do you think they are so keen on letting illegal immigrants in the military? Someone who just got here and came from a country where military coups are not out of the ordinary, is a hell of a lot more likely to be willing to shoot American civilians and support such if he is ordered to do so than the typical native who has grown up being taught that using the military on the public is a line that America will never cross.

            Just saying.

          2. Alright, I’m picturing a running gunfight between the Tranny Brigade and a bunch of Idaho militia right now. . . .

    6. Red Rocks Okey-Dokein

      In that case, our military men and women, who swear to uphold the Constitution and a civilian chain of command, would be forced to choose between obeying the law and serving the wishes of someone who has explicitly expressed his utter lack of respect for it.

      But enough about Hillary…

  36. Russia has lost its appeal of the Olympic ban on Russian track and field athletes.

    Ivan Drago hardest hit.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Now we need American track athletes to go through a training montage to “Hearts on Fire”

      DRAGO!

    2. Russian Darya Klishina is allowed to compete as an independent, and she is one of the most beautiful athletes in the world. Big CreepShot is once again victorious!

      1. John

        She is adorable.

      2. Another Trump wife in the making.

      3. Ceci n'est pas un woodchipper

        She is very pretty, but I wish she’d eat something.

  37. colorblindkid

    Why no Fifth Column podcast this week, guys?!?!

    1. Moynihan and Welch are getting white wine drunk.

      1. Citizen X

        That is a just okay masturbation euphemism.

      2. Perfect opportunity for an episode.

  38. John

    http://wizbangblog.com/2012/01…..insurance/

    Elizabeth Warren makes her money the old fashioned way; helping big insurance companies fuck victims of asbestos exposure. Helping insurance companies fuck people is just a part of her Indian heritage I guess.

    1. Don’t insult Indian heritage man.

      1. Brett L

        Feather, not dot.

        1. I know. I just like to make jabs when people use the word “Indian”.

          1. John

            I lived in Oklahoma for years and did a fair amount of work with the Indian tribes there. I never met an Indian who didn’t refer to himself as an Indian. “Native American” seems to be something white people say not actual Indians.

        2. Fun fact: Elizabeth Warren’s daughter is married to an Indian guy. Indian as in from India.

          So her grand kids will definitely have Indian heritage.

        3. Mainer2

          Casino, not quicki-mart

      2. John

        I have half siblings who are all about 1/8th Indian but were never on the rolls and never got any benefit from it. A lot of actual Indians are not on the rolls and thus can’t claim to be Indians. The tribal rolls are generally closed to anyone not already on them or a decedent of someone on them. A lot of Indians married white people and passed as white or even if they didn’t were so distrustful of the government they refused to have their name put on any government list back in the day. They and their decedents are not legally “Indians” according to the government. To think that that lying bitch got a tenured gig at Harvard by pretending to be an Indian is one of the most galling things I have ever seen.

        1. Glide

          Yeah, my grandfather is 1/4 Cherokee, and it was never more than trivia in our family. Neither he nor my mother ever gave a damn about it.

        2. Azathoth!!

          ‘descendant’

          A ‘decedent’ is a dead person

          1. Azathoth!!

            and, dayum. THAT was a bit too pedantic.

      3. ant1sthenes

        Isn’t Warren the one insulting Indian heritage, by associating it with herself?

        1. I was just kidding, taking advantage of the confusion over the word “Indian”.

  39. Cruz accomplished a miracle last night. He actually made me angry on Donald Trump’s behalf.

    His speech was the equivalent of the guy who gets drunk at a wedding reception and starts giving a speech about how the groom isn’t good enough for his sister. If you’re unhappy with the marriage, then stay home. Trying to ruin the wedding just makes you look like an ass.

    1. Why would Cruz respect to someone who clearly does not respect him?

      1. I’m not saying he should respect Trump. But he should do what the Bushes, Mitt Romney, McCain, etc. did: not go to the convention. But they all have class and Cruz does not.

        1. Trump doesn’t have class, so why should Cruz? Seriously. Trump insulted the guy’s wife and inferred his father was an assassin, and they expected him to shut up “for the party?” What goes around comes around.

        2. John

          Doing that would have required Cruz missing out on the spotlight. And Cruz is too vain and ambitious to do that.

      2. See my comment above:

        Trump called Cruz “lyin’ Ted” over and over again, insulted his wife, claimed that Cruz’s father was involved with the JFK assassination.

        There was that, and there’s principle, whether you agree with conservatism or not. Trump’s “planned parenthood does wonderful things” comment is the first thing that comes to mind.

        1. John

          All of that just makes Cruz look worse. If Trump is really that bad and treated Cruz that badly, that is all the more reason not to go to the convention at all.

          1. What else is he going to do, prepare wills pro bono? Rand beat him to that punch with a flourish.

            1. John

              That is why I stopped believing that Cruz was some kind of real reformer and outsider rather than a cynical opportunist. The guy is a lifetime political hack. He came out of Harvard and got a job as a political hack at the Texas AG and then helped Bush’s 2000 campaign and became a political hack at the Bush DOJ. He then peddled his influence for a couple of years after Bush left office and ran for Senate in 2010. He has done nothing in his life except be a political insider.

              And his wife is no different. She is some political hack that he met during the 2000 campaign who amazingly turned her experience in the Bush administration into a big paying Wall Street job. Funny that isn’t it?

              I am tired of these people who have no lives or skills or any experience outside of politics. All of them on both sides need to go.

              1. Welcome to a thousand years of progressive rule.

                1. John

                  Doubtful.

                  1. They hold the levers of power. The bureaucracy is inundated with progressive footsoldiers and supplicants. Whoever holds the White House or Congress is fundamentally constrained by the leftward tilt of every branch of government. Electing apolitical businessmen will not change that fact, it just neuters whatever hope they have of sorting out the political mares’ nests. So Trump, if he’s to prove successful in any capacity (assuming he wants the gig or cares about small-government goals, which I don’t), will need to surround himself with political insiders. Otherwise he’s going to fanny about for four years and either get primaried or creamed by Clinton’s successor.

                    1. If Trump does win the presidency, which I am almost certain he won’t, I want his election night speech to start with:

                      “I’ve got a pen and I’ve got a phone…”

                      The leftist reaction will be awesome to watch, although it will NEVER occur to them that the problem is not the man in charge, but the fact that the man in charge has a pen and a phone to begin with.

                    2. Ceci n'est pas un woodchipper

                      This is my take on it, too. I’m voting for GayJay, but I’m sure either Clinton or Trump will win. Either one will send the country into a dark age, but I can’t take another four to eight years of a Progressive fucking things up from the White House while idiots on Facebook pretend it’s not happening and simultaneously blame Republicans. If it’s all going to shit, I at least want to see the Pajama Boy’s of the world weeping into their cocoa while I bask in schadenfreude.

                    3. True enough, commoditous.

                      But it won’t be a thousand years, because progressives are like locusts, and they will run through other people’s money and our societal seed corn in a couple of decades at the outside.

    2. John

      His speech was the equivalent of the guy who gets drunk at a wedding reception and starts giving a speech about how the groom isn’t good enough for his sister.

      We don’t always agree, but that is spot on. That is exactly what it was. I can’t for the life of me figure out why he thought it was a good idea or why so many of his fanboys think his doing it was so great and is going to do anything but hurt his long term prospects.

      1. …No. Christ, no. Political parties are not family affairs, conventions are not wedding receptions. It’s bad enough that we refer to these things as coronations. At least monarchy has an element of legitimate filial piety to it. A groomsman would be making a tremendous faux pas, because it’s an intimate affair signifying an undertaking by two individuals and the union of their families. Blood is an important distinction in that context, and a social trespass like you describe would represent either a totally inappropriate presumptuousness from a groomsman outside the family and a fraternal betrayal from within.

        Party politics is nothing but a necessary evil and should be treated with the contempt it deserves. They fact that a bunch of nauseating Trump voters are taking the party they previously claimed to despise so super serial now that their candidate is the nominee just shows that they were never serious about fundamentally changing it, just shouldering into the power structure. Well, that’s their prerogative, they have the votes. But good on Cruz for showering them, Trump and the entire process with contempt.

        1. John

          Okay. All of that makes Cruz look even worse for showing up. If you think party politics are evil and parties deserving of contempt, say that and don’t go to the convention. Cruz clearly likes party politics and political parties or he wouldn’t have been up there taking the spotlight such provided him.

          1. He shouldn’t have shown up, but I don’t blame him for withholding his endorsement. I just wish he’d made it more explicit: something along the lines of, “I endorse my party, the Republican party, attaining the presidency. I do not and will never endorse this man.”

        2. John

          Okay. All of that makes Cruz look even worse for showing up. If you think party politics are evil and parties deserving of contempt, say that and don’t go to the convention. Cruz clearly likes party politics and political parties or he wouldn’t have been up there taking the spotlight such provided him.

          1. I HEARD YOU.

        3. Oh, bravo.

      2. robc

        I guess the question is, what is the point of the speech of the guy who finished second?

        Does finished second give him the right to suggest his view of where the party should be going, even if that clearly means he doesnt support the winner?

        And if not, why not?

        1. John

          He is entitled to disagree with the nominee. But the convention is to pick the nominee. If you are unwilling to endorse the nominee, then you shouldn’t go to the convention. If he had gotten up and said “here is what I believe and where I differ with the nominee but still encourage you to vote for hiim anyway”, that would have been perfectly fine.

          1. robc

            If the purpose is to pick the nominee, then he has to go in case he gets picked.

      3. Emmerson Biggins

        I think it’s more like the wife was the grooms-mans ex, and everyobdy knows it ended because the girlfriend was cheating, and then the dick head groom still invites the guy to the wedding and asks him to give a speech. Then the groomsman is like “are you sure you really want me to give a speech? ya? well, OK hereya go, here is your speech mother fucker”

  40. NoVAHockey

    I have returned from my missionary work on Greg Sargent’s blog. It did not go well.

    1. Citizen X

      My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  41. Joe M

    Everyone bitching about Cruz’s speech: it was approved an advance, and it was known he wasn’t going to endorse Trump.

    1. So, what’s Trump’s play here? Let Cruz give a speech that will marginalize him, so he’s not in a position to cause trouble during the campaign?

      1. Joe M

        Trump supporters get the morale boost of calling Cruz a cuck one last time.

  42. Brett L

    So the British are apparently too cheap to buy bathing suits for a record, two week long warm and sunny summer. Meanwhile, in central Florida, Brett L had to run to Target and purchase a second set of swim trunks because I hit the beach more often than I launder now.

    1. Citizen X

      Looking directly at a Brit in a bathing suit is a good way to burn out your retinas.

      1. Agent Cooper

        Brit in a bathing suit.

    2. If it’s wrong to sit outside in one’s skivvies this isn’t the country I didn’t grow up in.

    3. It’s not like they are getting wet, so I do not see the issue.

      1. Some chicks like exhibitionism.

        1. And guys like some chicks who like exhibitionism.

    4. lap83

      It reaches 91 F and they can’t keep their clothes on? No wonder they think Americans are puritanical

      1. Ceci n'est pas un woodchipper

        I did a quick conversion on 33 C and immediately thought, “Wow. I live in Maryland and even our relatively moderate summers would kill these people dead.”

        1. Brett L

          You should see them after a day on a Portugese beach. They’ve never had to use sunscreen and they can’t quite figure out why they are blistering like pork cracklins.

    5. Suthenboy

      I seem to recall quite a bit of that when I was there. I was in North England and the sun came out only one day. It was cold as hell to me but they all stopped what they were doing, ran outside, stripped and lay in the sun. They were so white it blinded me to look at them. In spite of what I considered very weak sun they got sunburnt.

      Didn’t seem like a big deal to me. After not seeing the sun for two months I found it very understandable.

  43. Cruz did the right thing – he needs to get conservatives out to vote down-ballot. Otherwise an inevitable defeat will turn into a bloodbath.

    1. Inevitable defeat?

      http://www.realclearpolitics.c…..-5491.html

  44. TZB crane collapse: What we know

    Summary: we’re not giving you any information, and you are not getting close enough to take good photo (although there are plenty of photos), and we are lucky no one died.

  45. The Late P Brooks

    Donald Trump will speak tonight at the Republican National Convention.

    One extra large word salad, coming up.

    1. “It’s going to be scripted!”

      But whose script are they going to crib?

      1. This guy’s.

        SFW if you work in Nazi Germany.

    2. Krapulent Kristen

      I can’t digest salad. I’ll be on the shitter all night if I watch that speech!

  46. Secret Service Investigating Trump Adviser Baldasaro for Clinton Execution Comments

    Thanks, woodchippers. You are responsible for this. And you better watch yourselves or you’ll be next!

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Away with you, troll.

      1. *paging secret service*

  47. Rand Paul 20/20 – he’ll help us to see straight!

    1. He should run in 2020 just for the slogan.

  48. John

    There was for once a really good Facebook meme this morning. It was a picture of Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle with the caption

    “I wrote speech but moose and squirrel say I copied it”.

    That is funny.

  49. Broswater

    Gotta love free speech in Qu?bec !!!

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/…..-1.3688089

    I’ve got my complain ready for the next time my brother calls me a fat stupid hobbit (actually a pretty good observation which is clearly not libel nor defamation, but… it hurtz ma feelingz, now give me money!)

    1. straffinrun

      I really don’t want to hate that kid, but this is so fucking stupid.

      1. I wanted to say that it’s not acceptable for me and for my family. And I think for the entire society too,” Gabriel testified before the tribunal Wednesday afternoon.

        “When we make a joke about someone, about a disabled person, we can laugh, we can make comments, but we always have to do that in full respect.”

        Neither of those sentences actually make any sense.

        1. See how totes woke he is? Rico has a swoon.

      2. Juice

        moral damages

        what in the living fuck?

  50. Elspeth Flashman

    OT: nothing as gratifying as seeing your name in print. I just got done reviewing an article of mine on marijuana law for the upcoming issue of the Bar Journal.

    1. Trshmnstr, terror of the trash

      How many fucking lawyers are on reason? I didn’t think there were this many libertarian lawyers in the entire country.

      1. robc

        Well, John is a lawyer, but doesnt count as a libertarian lawyer.

        1. And Ken White avoids us like the plague.

          1. John

            Did you know he is a First Amendment Lawyer?

          2. Citizen X

            He still owes us all a fruit basket or a dick punch or whatever.

            1. We get enough of the latter from the writers here.

            2. Joe M

              Or a fruit punch or a dick basket.

              1. Chipwooder

                Fruit punch: good

                Dick basket: not quite sure what one is, but I don’t think I’d like it.

      2. Juvenile Bluster

        Yo, :raises hand:

        Though any times I’ve been published it’s on boring aspects of securities law.

        1. Go back a ways, and I’ve got a couple articles on HIPAA.

        2. Elspeth Flashman

          Congrats, and same to you R C Dean. My article is somewhat snore-inducing as well, lots of other MJ law people contributing to a theme artible, while I merely did a recap of the Medical MJ Act in Michigan.

      3. These comments are inundated with lecherous lawyers and lascivious linguists.

        1. Citizen X

          Cunning linguists, too.

    2. straffinrun

      Let’s hope that doesn’t land you on a list somewhere in Utah.

      1. Elspeth Flashman

        It lands me on a list somewhere in my home state, probably.

    3. Emmerson Biggins

      I like bars. I frequent them often. But I don’t think I’d want to get a magazine about them.

  51. Ken Shultz

    First, there’s a floor vote to unpick the nominee.

    Then the First Lady gives a plagiarized speech.

    Next, the Colorado delegates walk out in defiance.

    And then the guy who came in second gives a non-endorsement endorsement speech–while the crowd showers hom with boos.

    This has been the best convention ever!!!

    There’s no way the Democrats can match this.

    1. “Challenge accepted!”

      -Democrats

    2. John

      It has been fun. Most of Trump’s appeal is that he is not a Republican as we currently know it. So the more people who are Republicans scream about how he is not one of them, the better off Trump is.

      1. Ken Shultz

        Just from the entertainment factor . . .

        Nobody likes reality TV shows because there isn’t any drama.

        1. Oh, I get it, you mean {nobody} {likes reality TV shows because there isn’t any drama}

          1. not X, when X means “likes reality TV shows because there isn’t any drama”

          2. Ken Shultz

            I’d say, “People like reality TV shows because of the drama”, but the statement is more directed at the assumed notion that the convention has been a disaster. In response to that notion, “Nobody like reality TV shows because there isn’t any drama”.

            And this is a reality TV show. More of a reality mini-series, I guess.

            P.S. The vagueness of the English language due to dropping the endings from nouns is a big part of its allure. Hell, we liked the vagueness so much, we stopped differentiating between the second person singular and the second person plural. If “you” don’t know who I”m talking to, “you” figure it out! Hell, in practice a lot of people assume Southerners are unsophisticated specifically because they still differentiate between the first person singular and the first person plural. If you aren’t confusing people with what you write English, then you need to try harder!

            No wonder they used Latin for intellectual discourse for so long.

            1. Ken Shultz

              “Hell, in practice a lot of people assume Southerners are unsophisticated specifically because they still differentiate between the [second] person singular and the [second] person plural.”

              You knew what I meant!

              1. WTF

                Hey, we do it in New Jersey, too. (you and youse)

        2. John

          Now that you say that, It almost makes me think Trump wanted Cruz to not endorse him and made sure his wife’s speech lifted a few lines from Michelle. “Going as planned” makes for bad TV and Trump of all people knows that.

          1. Ken Shultz

            By design or otherwise, he has maximized interest in the convention–and his speech tonight.

            I normally wouldn’t watch it.

            They told us last night that Cruz’s speech was circulated among the press before he spoke, and everybody already knew he wasn’t going to endorse.

            And I bet Melania cares more about how she looks on camera than she does about being called a plagiarist. Her biggest fear may have been that no one in the media would talk about her.

            This may have all been well scripted to maximize interest.

            1. Chipwooder

              I don’t know about the plagiarism bit, but I absolutely can believe that Trump wanted Cruz’s speech to go exactly as it played out. It brought the crowd together in disgust for Cruz, and that kind of unity is what Trump needs.

              It’s like Nixon says to Winters in one of the early Band of Brothers episodes about why Sobel is a genius – “Do you know a single man in the company who wouldn’t double-time up Curahee just for a chance to piss in that guy’s morning coffee?” Anger and hatred are powerful unifying agents.

          2. WTF

            I think the tell regarding Melania’s speech is the fact that the speechwriter didn’t get canned. By “plagiarizing” the Trump camp got alot of publicity; people defending Melania from the hypocritical MSM; dredging up past plagiarism by Obama and other Democrats; and endless side-by-side comparisons of Melania and Michelle. I don’t see how this isn’t a win for Trump.

      2. not a Republican as we currently know it

        That’s untrue, there are plenty of Democrats calling themselves Republicans already.

        1. John

          Touche. The biggest problem for the Republicans is that the Democrats keep kicking people out who then show up at the Republicans’ doorstep. About half the party these days is former Democrats that the Progs decided were enemies of the people and nowhere else to go.

    3. In fact the chants “Lock her up” will only radicalize the dems and make them stronger. They will replay videos of the Trumpkin witch hunt and it will discredit the party. It may have been fun at the rally but will look ridiculous on tv.

      1. WTF

        Welcome to Retardation: A Celebration. Now, hopefully, I’m gonna dispel a few myths, a few rumors. First off, the retarded don’t rule the night. They don’t rule it. Nobody does. And they don’t run in packs. And while they may not be as strong as apes, don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake?” Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

    4. Drake

      The Democrats will try to match to Republican chaos with high-decibel SJW screaming.

      1. And the Bernie supporters’ fart-in protest.

    5. There’s no way the Democrats can match this.

      Inside the building, I expect the Dems to be more on-script.

      Outside the building, I’m hoping for something more entertaining.

    6. Joe M

      We can only hope pissed Sanders supporters have some kind of mass meltdown.

      1. This would be incredible.

    7. Suthenboy

      “There’s no way the Democrats can match this.”

      You underestimate the volatile mix of wacko special interests demonstrators that will be present.

  52. “Build the wall” was Trump’s only consistent campaign promise. Now it has given way to “Lock her up”. This might work for a couple days. Then what cause will he use to rally the masses? I’m thinking “Let’s make cool-aid!”

    1. WTF

      I bet you’re the kind of guy who would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I’ll be watching you.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    Political parties are not family affairs, conventions are not wedding receptions.

    The Big Show in Cleveland is also not a “Donald Trump Uber Alles” rally. For better or worse, it’s the Republican Party’s national convention, and there are a lot of other contests besides the Presidency. Cruz was explicit in his plea to the members of the party to vote in the down ballot races and not just sit home with their pouty lips out.

    To push the wedding analogy a bit, what if your sister is marrying a deadbeat who treats her like dirt and spends her money whoring around? Have you no moral obligation to her?

  54. The Late P Brooks

    From a purely conceptual standpoint (since all those motherfuckers can go die in a fire, as far as I’m concerned), one could make a case that the Bushes and all the other dopes who have decided to stay away to show their disdain are the ones who are being unprincipled petulant shits.

    1. Ken Shultz

      That’s true, but then we already knew that Bush Jr. is an unprincipled petulant shit.

      He just seems better now that our frame of reference has changed to Obama, Hillary, and Trump.

      1. we already knew that Bush Jr. is an unprincipled petulant shit.

        Of all the criticisms that can be legitimately levelled at W, I just don’t see that one.

        1. John

          Me either. I think you can say it about Jeb, however.

        2. Ken Shultz

          You don’t think Bush Jr.’s prescription drug benefit, his budget busting overspending, his defense of torture, his defense of warrantless wire tapping, or his bullshit about mobile wmd labs and Iraqi/Al Qaeda collaboration were unprincipled?

          Again, your frame of reference has changed, so maybe he doesn’t seem as unprincipled as he really, truly, absolutely, definitely was.

    2. John

      You are right. If Jeb Bush had won, he would have certainly expected Trump to show up and endorse him. But when Trump wins, they stay away and are somehow principled for doing so?

  55. Sevo

    Oakland decides rents are too cheap:

    “Oakland voters will get their say on stricter rent control”
    […]
    “Citing escalating rents that tenant advocates call a threat to Oakland’s character, the City Council threw its support Wednesday behind a November ballot measure that would limit property owners’ ability to charge more and carry out evictions.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/…..399331.php

    It might do some of that, but there’s no doubt it will remove thousands of units from the market.

    1. Ken Shultz

      “It might do some of that, but there’s no doubt it will remove thousands of units from the market.”

      I bet the home owners on the city council would love to see some gentrification.

      They can’t not know what that did to San Francisco.

      1. Sevo

        Ken, the pro-R/C folks just claim it would be far worse without R/C.

    2. Brett L

      Alt-Headline: “Black People Still too Close to SF for Comfort”

    3. Creating 12 new jobs for every 1 new housing unit will certainly drive rent through the roof in surrounding areas.

  56. one could make a case that the Bushes and all the other dopes who have decided to stay away to show their disdain are the ones who are being unprincipled petulant shits

    Sure.

    But i don’t think it really holds up. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. if they attend, they’re obligated to comment. As per my comment on Cruz yesterday –

    politics is a team-sport, and its all or nothing. he’s not the candidate for the team. his job should be to either a) support the candidate, or b) get out of the candidate’s way. He seems to think he’s doing the team a favor merely by showing up and granting an audience. its fucking ego-maniacal.

    He wasn’t helping. If the bushes aren’t going to help the GOP brand by showing up and bitching, then it makes sense for them to stay away.

    I also think it makes sense for Rand to stay away; his brand was never about “GOP first, me second”. He’s an outsider, a critic of his own party. better that he maintain that cred.

  57. The Late P Brooks

    politics is a team-sport, and its all or nothing.

    Is that really true? It is at minimum, in the winner-take-all context, but it seems to me one ought to be able to express one’s misgivings without performing the equivalent of throwing one’s medals into the Potomac.

    But what the fuck do I know? I see elections primarily as a good way to smoke out those best destined for the guillotine.

    1. Is that really true? I

      No, but its true enough for practical purposes.

      You can buck the party if you have an insurgency that gives you a reliable power bloc *within* the party. which may be how he thinks about this – that there are enough reliable “SoCon Constitutionalists” that he will suffer nothing for spitting on the candidate.

      I don’t think so. there are socons, and there are constitutionalists, but not many of both, and i think a lot of them were booing him for making it all about ME ME ME when he gave his speech.

      1. John

        I think Cruz’s problem is that he is 15 years too late. The last two Presidents have been seen as ideologues. The country is tired of ideology. Most people want both sides to at least try and be reasonable and just want someone who is effective and offers some solutions.

        So Cruz’s “constitutional conservative” routine rings pretty hollow with all but the faithful.

        1. he is 15 years too late.

          Pretty much.

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  59. Mainer2

    Another thing to like about Rand Paul: Kelley Paul is a babe. In pictures of them together, he has this little grin and sparkle in his eyes that seem to say, “yeah, I know. sometimes I don’t believe it either. she’s with me.”

    1. Her unfortunate sister Eunice misheard her mother’s advice and married a *witch* doctor.

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