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Innocent Man Must Notify the Police 24 Hours Before He Has Sex

40-year-old man was acquitted of rape, but UK officials don't care.


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A British man found not guilty of rape must nonetheless give the authorities 24 hour notice before he engages in sex.

A guy must let the cops know when, where, and with whom he is going to engage in intimate relations. This notification rule goes into effect in August and The Mirror reports that the police are going to ask that it become permanent.

Now the man, who is single, is threatening to go on a hunger strike.

According to

The 40-year-old man, who legally cannot be named, was given a retrial in 2015 and acquitted of rape. Despite the ruling, police issued a "sexual risk order" against him. Under the order, the man must "disclose the details of any female including her name, address and date of birth… at least 24 hours prior to any sexual activity taking place."

"I protest that even though a jury found me unanimously not guilty, after nearly two years I still find myself being punished for a crime that never happened," the York man wrote in a statement to the press. "I protest to being subject to an order that is unlawful in almost every syllable, is unjustified and is so extreme as to be utterly unlivable."

The Telegraph reports that this isn't just a rule for folks found guilty of a sex crime:

Full sexual risk orders last for a minimum of two years and breaching an order can lead to a prison sentence of up to five years.

They are used when someone has not been convicted of a sexual offence, but the police convince a court it is necessary for one to be made against the person to protect the public from him or her.

As insane as that law sounds, I'd add that even if he was found guilty of rape and had served his time, this rule would be utterly untenable. Somehow we allow bank robbers to go to the bank after they are out of prison, and murderers, once freed, are allowed to buy meat cleavers. Former arsonists are not required to notify the cops 24 hours before they fry an egg.

Yet we treat sex offenders—and apparently even those found not guilty of sex offenses, but tainted by the mere accusation—as if they are insatiable recidivists, bent on violating every living being they approach. This is why we forbid people on the sex offender registry from living near parks and schools, even though these residency restrictions have been found to have "no demonstrable effect" effect on child safety.

What's more the idea that sex offenders re-offend more than other criminals is completely wrong. A study by the Department of Justice found a 5.3 percent recidivism rate among sex offenders—lower than any other group except murderers.

The Mirror reports that the man in this story "admitted to previously having an interest in sado-masochistic sex and used to visit a Fifty Shades Of Grey-style fetish club with an ex-partner."

So what? The hysteria around sex is so great that the man has had virtually all his freedom taken away under the guise of keeping the public safe:

He said there was "no prospect" of a relationship at the moment.

He said: "Can you imagine, 24 hours before sex? Come on."

The man has been charged with breaching the terms of the order by refusing to give police the PIN to his phone.

He decided, having taken legal advice, not to give them the code as a point of principle, because he said the terms of an SRO were supposed to be prohibitive, not obligatory.

He was arrested and held in police custody overnight.

The terms of his SRO mean he cannot use any internet-enabled device that cannot be later checked by police.

He said that banned him from using certain fridges and lifts that are connected to the web.

The wording of the order also stops him from using an intercom such as those used to get into a nursery or a flat.

He said: "I'm in a state of shock, I cannot believe this is how the justice system works. "I thought the police were interested in finding out the truth, the only thing the police are interested in is securing convictions."

Beyond that, I'd wager the police and authorities want to score a sexual victory: They can tell the public they have kept a predator at bay… even if the predator was an ordinary guy, not preying on anyone.

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  1. the man must “disclose the details of any female including her name, address and date of birth? at least 24 hours prior to any sexual activity taking place.

    So cis-hetero. I just can’t even . . .

    1. Well, to add to that bit…how isn’t that a violation of the rights of any potential female sex partners? Like, you are forcing a third party to disclose their sex life to authorities. It’s Britain so I can’t say Constitution…

      1. They used to have an “unwritten constitution” and a bit of freedom.

        Now their constitutional documents are pretty much written down and their freedom…for now…isn’t there.

        Maybe they can find it again if they leave the EU.

        1. The most telling difference between their “unwritten constitution” and our written one is that they used to have an absolute* right against self-incrimination. But all the Parliament had to do was pass a few laws, and poof! Now they can be compelled to testify against themselves in many cases and the prosecution can use their silence against them.

          * = As much as anything subject to the whims of judges can be said to be absolute

          1. Things started falling apart with Blackstone’s dogma of Parliamentary supremacy, which as it happens was about the time the US said “we’re outta here.”

            Now in the U.S. constitutional rights can’t be repealed by a legislative majority, they need a 5-4 Supreme Court majority to do that!

    2. how isn’t that a violation of the rights of any potential female sex partners?

      That’s what makes the order so easy to comply with, given “number of potential female sex partners” = 0.

      But of course that’s the whole point.

    3. Is that biological female? What if a biological female self-identifies as male, or Xe, or it?

    4. Watch Fifty Shades Freed Full Movies Online Free HD

  2. Is there a checkbox on the form for anal?

    1. No….that requires a separate form, in triplicate, with wet signature. Mail only!

      1. wet signature

        Is this another one of those euphemisms I keep hearing about?

        1. +1 notary stamp

  3. UK, EU – all the same bull shit to me.



    Definition of Kafkaesque
    : of, relating to, or suggestive of Franz Kafka or his writings; especially : having a nightmarishly complex, bizarre, or illogical quality

    1. Dammit. The example was cut off: “Kafkaesque bureaucratic delays”

  5. Ever since the Limeys blocked porn behind the Great Firewall of Britain, the bobbies need something to get off to.

  6. Great… Lenore has graduated from the kiddy table to full on nut-punches.

    1. In Radley We Trust

  7. Is it a crime to notify the police of the intention to have sex, and then not having sex?

    If not, then the man should send the local phone book to the police every day, notifying them that he has the intention of having sex with all within, if the opportunity arises.

    1. That was my thought, too. If it says “at least 24 hours notice”, then he should just send them the information on every woman in the UK, and he’s good for life. I mean, “years into the future” is definitely “at least 24 hours”. Maybe update it once every six months to cover women who have moved into the UK or achieved the age of majority or whatever.

    2. If I were him I’d just call the police every day and say “Your mom!”

    3. To be on the safer side, he should just say ‘everyone in the world,’ as he can’t be sure everyone he might encounter is from the local area.

  8. Lenore is calling for a consexit.

    1. *slow clap*

  9. The problem is that this “man” doesn’t know how to be a man.
    I imagine he subjected himself (on advice of counsel?) to the jurisdiction of the Crown and now continues to accede to their wishes.
    If he knew that he was/is a man, he would have invoked a proceeding in Queens Bench and used common law.
    If he was found innocent in a Crown court, he can easily bring a suit at Queens Bench and be done with this onerous situation. The government and government actors cannot win at Queens Bench.
    Maxim: a man may not cause harm, injury or loss to another man.
    Applies to all man, whether acting in private or as a government actor.

    1. Oh, Lord, you’re one of those racist UKIP people, aren’t you?


    2. “Applies to all man, whether acting in private or as a government actor.”

      C’mon, man, after yesterday we all know that the law doesn’t apply the same to private and government actors!!

  10. Shit, and I thought ASBOs were fucking insane.

  11. Someone hand him a phone. He’s getting fucked.

  12. A guy must let the cops know when, where, and with whom he is going to engage in intimate relations.

    I’m actually surprised they haven’t extended this requirement to all cis-hetero-male shitlords. After all, the only reason any of us haven’t been convicted of rape is because we haven’t been caught. That and TEH PATRIARCHY!!1!!1!!111!!!!!

    Probably shouldn’t give them ideas. Although I strongly suspect that this concept will receive a trial run on some college campus somewhere by decade’s end.

  13. “Innocent Man Must Notify the Police 24 Hours Before He Has Sex”

    If he’s so innocent, why does he want to conceal his behavior from the authorities?


  14. I would notify them daily with the name Your Mom.

    1. Maybe change it every once in a while:

      “Your wife/ daughter/ sister” etc.

      1. “Elizabeth Windsor, address London SW1A 1AA, date of birth April 21, 1926…wait, what?”

        1. I can’t believe I actually *researched* that joke.

          1. Do right hand and lotion count as two partners or one? Does he have to call twice?

        2. Really, the best response to this is to start spamming them with notifications like that.

          Hell, I bet I could write a program that reads in a database of women in Britain based on census data and then, EVERY SINGLE DAY, mass-emails the British cops with a notification that you might bang any woman who lives in the country.

          Really, the hardest part would just be finding the database of women, but I doubt it would be that hard to obtain.

    2. Why not every 15 minutes?

  15. Pay no attention to that town called Rotherham! We’re punishing this completely absolved sexual deviant to the very letter of the law AND BEYOND!

  16. “But, babe… we have to have sex. I’ve already called the police.”

  17. For emergencies, hang up and dial 911.
    For non-emergencies, press 1.
    For the location of the closest precinct, press 2
    For sexual appointments, press 69, gently.
    For all other inquiries, stay on the line.

    1. press 69, gently

      Awesome. Also,

      press 69

      Great band name.

  18. Reason Must Notify Innocent Model of Intention to Use Stock Photo in Unflattering Context

  19. 24 hours? That’s an awful lot of foreplay.

  20. As insane as that law sounds, I’d add that even if he was found guilty of rape and had served his time, this rule would be utterly untenable

    You mean, like sex offender lists, no fly lists, and lifetime firearm bans? Slippery slope, people. I keep saying it and some don’t get it. But everyone will get it before long when they use this type of shit for practically any and no reason at all to strip unfavored citizens permanently of all their rights. Today a felony or misdemeanor, tomorrow an unpaid traffic ticket, or some ‘bad’ speech on a web site.

  21. He should just get married so he doesn’t have to worry about it…

  22. Who does this guy have to notify? Captain Cialis?

  23. One of the first steps in freeing your mind is to stop calling the oppressors “we”.

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