FDA: Never Eat Raw Cookie Dough Ever. (Except Ben & Jerry's, That's OK)
No dough. Cost benefit analysis be damned.


This week the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) released an official recommendation that no one should ever eat raw cookie dough. Ever. Also, Christmas is canceled. And your puppy is dead went away to a farm.
Turns out, it's not just the eggs that'll get you with salmonella, it's the E. coli in the flour. "The bottom line for you and your kids is don't eat raw dough," the FDA website declares. "And even though there are websites devoted to 'flour crafts,' don't give your kids raw dough or baking mixes that contain flour to play with. Why? Flour, regardless of the brand, can contain bacteria that cause disease. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), along with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and state and local officials, is investigating an outbreak of infections that illustrates the dangers of eating raw dough."
"Outbreak" sounds bad, and 10 million pounds of flour were subject to a recall last year. In the end, though, the CDC reports that 38 people were sickened by the flour in a 2015 incident, only 10 of whom were hospitalized. No one died, as far as I can tell. As always, the delight and happiness of millions of children (and adults, let's be honest) are not factored anywhere into the equation.
Ben & Jerry's spokesman Lindsay Bumps says that "food safety is a top priority for Ben & Jerry's. In addition to a rigorous food safety program, the supplier of our cookie dough uses heat treated flour in the production of our cookie dough therefore there is no bacterial contamination. Ben & Jerry's cookie dough is unaffected" by the 2015 recall or, presumably, the current panic.
My prediction: Some time in the not-too-distant future, you will be able to easily buy (probably at Whole Foods) heat-treated flour explicitly for use in home baking and kid projects where the dough might be consumed. Entrepreneurs: I expect my cut when you make your first billion with this idea. I accept payment in raw cookie dough.
Editor's Note: As of February 29, 2024, commenting privileges on reason.com posts are limited to Reason Plus subscribers. Past commenters are grandfathered in for a temporary period. Subscribe here to preserve your ability to comment. Your Reason Plus subscription also gives you an ad-free version of reason.com, along with full access to the digital edition and archives of Reason magazine. We request that comments be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment and ban commenters for any reason at any time. Comments may only be edited within 5 minutes of posting. Report abuses.
Please
to post comments
My grandma always told me not to eat the cookie dough. I never listened to her, either.
And now you're alive and she's not, so I guess we know who was right.
That's because your grandma hid her poppers in the cookie dough. And you wonder why you turned out the way you did.
38 people?!?!? One out of 10,000,000 people in this country get sick every year from flour!?!??! I'm glad the FDA is on the crisis!
But if it saves only one child from diarrhea, it's worth it!
No, the kid feels sick so he tries to climb into his Malm chest of drawers and bam he's dead.
Try and stop me, clowns
+1 cigar
Ugh, clowns
It seems Katherine's first order of business is to Make Alt-text Great Again.
If the kids are already dead, why aren't their faces fuzzy in the photo?
I doubt the risk from E. coli in the unbaked cookie dough is any worse than the risk from eating cookies kids have had their grubby little paws on.
Any time I interact with children, I think to myself, you know, abortion is wrong. Those aborted unborn persons may not have sucked half as bad as the little shits before me. We should really wait at least until they are 3 before we determine if they are fit to live or not.
"Me at least wait until cookie is made before eating. Why you think it called *cook*ie? Nom nom nom nom nom nom."
/Cookie Monster
ME NO COOK YOU BEFORE EAT OR RAPE!
I totally JUST ate raw cookie dou
Nice knowing you...
Did you bring enough for the whole class?
Thanks Zod we have the FDA to tell us what to eat. How could we ever feed ourselves without them?
Britain can't.
Yeah, you joke, but here in NYC, we actually have posters from the Health Department reminding us that if you need to grab food to eat on the run, a banana or some grapes are convenient and healthy. Yes, the government really does think you are so stupid you couldn't figure that out on your own.
In a related story, the CDC has declared that in a handful of cases, making that face DID mean it would get stuck that way.
can you tell me how I got these hairy palms?
Well, that is a sign of early onset Vampirism. Have you cursed God recently?
Not in, like, 2 days or so.
Vampirism or werewolfism? They are mortal enemies.
Nah, what we need is a home gamma-ray sterilization unit. That'd cover everything!
Safe, luminous food.
Dear FDA
When I make marijuana cookies, there is always some batter left in the bowl, so I just tongue it for the buzz.
Is this OK?
Oh fuck that. I'm 30 and have eaten raw cookie dough since I was born and never gotten sick. And even if you got sick once, it would still be worth it.
We pay these idiots to come up with this.
Oh...so you are just getting started with the cookie dough!
There is always more dough for the FDA. It makes us safe and healthy and ....something something
It shouldn't be heat treated, it should be irradiated. Many lives and dollars would be saved by the mass irradiation of foodstuffs.
Oh great, zombie, 3-eyed cookies. Probably make you sterile to boot.
Radiation, like IR, is just cooking.
I guess the same is true of cake batter.
I made my wife a cake (from scratch) for her birthday last week. First time I'd ever attempted to make a cake.
I ate every bit of leftover batter. It was delicious.
If I didn't eat the batter, how would I know that I could serve it to a loved one without reservation?
This is why we let kids lick the spoon.
I made it at 1AM so the kid was in bed.
Kid is gonna have enough cake anyways.
Food irradiation would solve this (small) problem. Can't have that though.
That's just cruel. The FDA serves a vital purpose.
So under my administration there will be 3 job slots. Everybody else in the department can have a club or sword. When I say people should fight for their jobs, that's not a euphemism. Next up , the ATF.
Everybody else in the department can have a club or sword.
Not broken pool cues?
Hey, I'm fairly inclusive, if somebody wants to grab a trident and net, run with it.
Time to see who's getting 'laid off'.
Hey I'm fair. If you don't want to fight in the gladiator pits, you can just get a job in the private sector. But if you want a government job, be prepared to fight in the arena.
What about a Man Catcher?