No Right to Speedy Sentencing Says Supreme Court, Republicans Want Party to Get Behind Trump, Oklahoma Criminalizes Abortion: A.M. Links

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Elizabeth Nolan Brown is a senior editor at Reason.

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  1. The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the right to a speedy trial doesn’t include the right to speedy sentencing.

    Judges are hourly.

    1. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

      Hello.

      “An Amnesty International survey conducted in 27 countries found “significant majorities of people would welcome refugees into the country and even consider taking them into their home,”

      /double face palm. Repeat.

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        There’s a big difference between “would you welcome refugees in your country” and “would you welcome one million refugees in your country in less than a year?”.

        1. Rich

          “Now we’re merely haggling over the price.”

          1. Jasmine15789

            Start operating at home with Google! it’s with the aid of a extensive margin the high-quality employment i’ve had. final Wednesday I were given a fresh out of the field new BMW because getting a check for $6474 this ? four weeks past. I began this 10-months lower back and right away was bringing domestic at any rate one hundred dollar each hour. I work thru this connection

            sincerely Faucet tap On This sort of Link

            ???? http://WWW.TodayWeb60.Com

        2. And not all refugees are the same. Where those refugees come from makes a big difference regarding the consequences of putting them in the bedroom down the hall from your wife and daughter, and sons for that matter.

          1. Suicidy

            Look, if you’re talking about welcoming over a million late teem to twenty-something hot Swedish chicks into the US in less than a year, then yes, they are welcome in my home. As many as I can cram in there. If you’re talking about a bunch of third workers, especially pissed off young Muslim men, then no.

            You’ve got to consider the ratio. Also, no fat chicks.

      2. Groovus Maximus

        “An Amnesty International survey conducted in 27 countries found “significant majorities of people would welcome refugees into the country and even consider taking them into their home,”

        Not our house!!! We’ve seen firsthand what an influx of both refugees and hostile belligerents are capable of.

        We didn’t get that survey in UKR; in fact, a number of displaced UKR’s are being kicked out of Belarus, Poland, and Germany in favour of the horde of fighing age males currently overrunning Western Europe.

        (Thanks Russia!)

        1. Don’t thank Russia. Thank political correctness and the despicable politicians that use it as a cudgel.

        2. grrizzly

          I must have seen this handle before.

        3. Rasilio

          Goovus you live

        4. Enough About Palin

          DUDE! Wonderful to hear from you!!! How have you been?

        5. Dr. Fronkensteen

          Glad to see you’re alive.

        6. db

          Holy FUCKING shit! Groovus! We’re so pleased you’re not dead!

          Welcome back.

          1. Slumbrew

            Man, dragging that Cat 5 cable to your mountain fortress took forever.

            1. Well, when he got it there, Cat 5 was outdated and he had to get a new spool of Cat 5e.

        7. Woot! Groovus is back.

          Looking forward to an account of your adventures that bears no resemblance whatsoever, in any way, shape or form, to a SugarFree joint.

    2. Jasmine15789

      Start operating at home with Google! it’s with the aid of a extensive margin the high-quality employment i’ve had. final Wednesday I were given a fresh out of the field new BMW because getting a check for $6474 this ? four weeks past. I began this 10-months lower back and right away was bringing domestic at any rate one hundred dollar each hour. I work thru this connection

      sincerely Faucet tap On This sort of Link

      ???? http://WWW.TodayWeb60.Com

  2. Just a thought not a sermon

    180) Seems like asset forfeiture is finally getting traction as an issue. “Some 50 bills have been floated in at least 22 states this year to limit civil forfeiture.” Not sure what took so long, as this is blatantly theft.

    “Police say the funds are important tools, providing money for drug buys in sting operations and paying for equipment, weapons and training programs.” If this money is so important, I would think states would be happy to pay for these things out of general funds. Or are these more fun toys the state government didn’t think was important, and so the police use their asset forfeiture slush funds instead? Glad to see this nonsense is finally coming to an end.

    1. Tonio

      So are you saying that some people…

      [dons sunglasses]

      …did a 180 on this issue?

      1. *removes sunglasses to reveal narrowed gaze*

        1. “The gaze is coming from inside the glasses!”

    2. Jerryskids

      I’m cynical enough to think enthusiasm and vigorous action in government is almost always a bad sign. When you flip on the light and the cockroaches start scurrying, it’s not necessarily a positive sign they’re trying to get the hell out of your kitchen. An alternative explanation is that asset forfeiture was never a big deal for the legislators because they actually favored it, right up until it became an issue for the voters. So which is more likely, the legislators are scuttling around frantically to fix this big problem they’ve suddenly dicovered or that they’re scuttling around frantically to make sure it appears to the voters that they’re trying to fix it? I’d keep a close eye on the legislation that comes out of this cockroach dance party – are they actually fixing the problem or are they making sure they appear to be fixing a problem they’re being real careful to make sure doesn’t actually get fixed?

    3. pan fried wylie

      pointing out that most property and violent crimes go unsolved. “If anything, we have an under-incarceration problem,” he declared.

      So, they need the drug money to make more drug money. Business 101.

  3. Bee Tagger

    Rank and file Republicans think party leaders should unite behind Donald Trump.

    Yes, they are quite rank.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      The people are revolting, sire!

      1. Anomalous

        I’ve always thought so.

      2. Private Chipperbot

        They stink on ice.

      3. Groovus Maximus

        PULL!

    2. TEAM, TEAM, TEAMITY, TEAM, TEAM!

    3. Libertarian

      Is this supposed to be shocking?

  4. Domestic Dissident

    Eight months. Only eight more months of the Notorious B.I.Y.

    1. straffinrun

      Ok. That actually made me laugh. Just pound the shit out of that moniker.

    2. Tonio

      Something, something, frying pan, fire.

    3. kbolino

      … that joke took way too long to setup

      1. Citizen X

        If that was his endgame, then i have a newfound respect for ol’ Mikey.

        Probably not, though.

  5. Bee Tagger

    A French Jewish group is suing Twitter and Facebook over alleged “hate speech” on the platforms.

    “Alleged”? So you don’t take this seriously? Consider yourself sued.

    1. Zeb

      “alleged” and scare quotes for “hate speech”. “”Hate speech”” should always have scare quotes.

  6. Lord Humungus

    Bizarre photos of Adolf Hitler that he didn’t want world to see are finally uncovered 90 years later

    Striking some of his most candid poses and expressions, Hitler studied the photos to ensure his actions were as loud as his words.

    Presumably embarrassed, Hitler then ordered the pictures to be deleted, saying they were “beneath one’s dignity”.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      Those pictures might be a little overly dramatic, but their hardly bizarre. It is notable how self-conscious the man was, though.

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        they’re, not their

      2. Certified Public Asshat

        Looks like he has a silly side.

    2. Zeb

      Just wait until they find the pictures of Eva doing a Cleveland Steamer on his chest.

      1. Tonio

        Eeeewwww!

      2. Anomalous

        Hei? Karl.

      3. I believe the Germans call it a Koblenz Schteamer.

        1. Elspeth Flashman

          I don’t want to know what either of those are.

          1. It’s like a Cleveland steamer, but with a pungent sour kraut tinge to it.

            1. Slumbrew

              Paging Barfman, Barfman to the red courtesy phone…

    3. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

      What’s so odd? He wanted to be in Vaudeville. Big deal.

    4. To overcome this, he asked his personal photographer Heinrich Hoffmann to snap photos of him rehearsing speeches in private.

      You know who else had a personal photographer?

      1. Obama? No wait, he’s his own personal photographer.

        1. Chipper-Shredder 2016

          Well, Obama is a better photographer than his official photographer.

    5. Rhywun

      I’m struggling not to click on that giant ass-pimple story they’ve been helpfully placing on the right side for weeks.

      1. Elspeth Flashman

        Don’t tell me you’ve never had a giant ass-pimple?

        1. Groovus Maximus

          It’s a tumor.

          1. Rhywun

            OMFG they’ve added another one.

            Girl horrified by what bursts out of giant spot on her armpit

            WTF is wrong with them?!

    6. neoteny

      ordered the pictures to be deleted

      Deleted? More likely destroyed …

      1. Butts Wagner

        Proof that Hitler traveled back in time from the future and used a digital camera!!!!

  7. The gender-neutral bathroom sign business is booming.

    Get Kiesling on it, Reason.

    1. Rhywun

      If those signs are real, the smug is going to be insufferable.

      1. Most of them look like signs for a wind tunnel.

  8. Bee Tagger

    The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the right to a speedy trial doesn’t include the right to speedy sentencing.

    I will not be bothered to click the link, but I should hope the time spent waiting for the sentence counts as time-served?

    1. Yes it does.

    2. B.P.

      “whoops! Looks like we’ve sentenced you to less time than you’ve actually served. You can go now.”

      1. pan fried wylie

        credit towards next offense, maybe?

  9. Rank and file Republicans think party leaders should unite behind Donald Trump.

    Party leaders don’t care what rank and file Republicans think.

    1. Hence Trump.

    2. Anomalous

      The rank ones definitely think that.

    3. Jerryskids

      AYFKM? Do you even know what “rank and file” means? “Rank and file” are the ones who do what their leaders tell them to do and think what their leaders tell them to think. They’re pawns, they’re soldiers, that’s their whole job – to deliberately not think and not do for themselves. If they’re thinking and doing for themselves, they’re not rank-and-file. How hard is this to understand?

  10. Rich

    The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the right to a speedy trial doesn’t include the right to speedy sentencing.

    Just warming up for the ruling that the right to keep and bear arms doesn’t include the right to keep and bear ammunition.

    1. RBS

      Don’t give them ideas.

  11. Lord Humungus

    Licence to cheat: the women who give their husbands a ‘sex pass’

    The businesswoman and TV personality Saira Khan has revealed she has granted a “sex pass” to her husband of 11 years. Put simply – and I’m sure this really is simplification of many considered factors that she will keep private – she has had two children with her husband, they have a successful marriage, she loves him deeply but she has totally lost the desire for sex. The 46 year old found herself making “excuses from about 6pm” and although their relationship is still intimate (they “cuddle up and it’s lovely”), she is happy for him to have sex outside of their marriage.

    Although her husband later denied that he has any such arrangement with his wife, the reactions on social media have expressed solidarity and understanding, perhaps proving that more and more people are now open to the idea of reconstructing the traditional model of marriage to suit modern life and human needs.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      You actually need two sex passes, though. One from your wife, and one from another woman….

      1. Mr Lizard

        STEVE SMITH NEVER BOTHER READ FINE PRINT

        1. STEVE SMITH HAPPY TO “STAMP” SEX PASSES!

          1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            ON INSIDE OF COLON!

            1. Elspeth Flashman

              And forever seared into the brain!
              oh, wait:
              AND FOREVER SEARED INTO BRAIN!

      2. Rasilio

        The second one is nowhere near as hard to get as the first one, especially if you’re rich/powerful

    2. SugarFree

      And when she wants a divorce it will be “he hasn’t touched me for years and he’s a cheater!”

      1. RBS

        Condonation is a defense to adultery.

        1. Citizen X

          And her condonation is a matter of very public record now, so good luck to her with that.

        2. SugarFree

          “I never thought he would go through with it!” [sobs, husband owes her lifetime alimony]

          1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            Not that is matters, because most states are no fault, husband pays.

            Although she sounds successful enough to be the exception.

        3. Condonation is a defense to adultery.

          Condonation sounds like a low-rent gated community.

          1. No, it’s a magazine for low-rent gated communities.

            1. +1 Sunnyvale

            2. Citizen X

              +1 Sudden Valley

              1. db

                +1F@&k City

    3. Slumbrew

      That’s not exactly “cheating” then, is it? Headline fail, Mirror.

      1. Depends on who he is banging, ne?

        1. SugarFree

          And if he can even find some strange. Wives love to give out sex passes to husbands that can only get laid if they buy it.

          1. You’re just bitter at your wife.

          2. Slumbrew

            And if he can even find some strange.

            Jenna & Bodhi Elfman were just on Carolla’s show talking about this – the re-creation of Bodhi talking to a 19-year-old at ~ 1:07 made me laugh out loud. The resolution is discussed ~ 1:13 if you want to skip the commercial, etc..

    4. Hollywood already did a movie on this.

      Crass but kinda funny… excellent late night drunk/stoned/crossfade flick

      1. Private Chipperbot

        Brokeback Mountain?

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          The Joker vs. Donnie Darko sounded a lot better than it turned out to be.

          1. So that’s how he got those scars…

    5. Rhywun

      she has granted a “sex pass” to her husband of 11 years

      So… just like has happened in marriages throughout history except she felt the need to tell the world for some inexplicable reason.

    6. Idle Hands

      From the article:

      Charlie ?@ChazCottoughby
      @IamSairaKhan very brave and inspiring for you to talk so openly today

    7. toolkien

      A politician friend of mine’s wife set the boundary that he could have other women, but it had to part of a three-way and there couldn’t be vaginal penetration with the other woman.

      Restrictions, restrictions.

      ———————————

      And, over thirty years ago, a female friend of the family, who had been married once, divorced, and ex committed suicide swore to never remarry. She carried on a long term relationship with a man, but would not marry him. While he maintained the relationship, he formed other relationships. One such relationship reached the proposal/wedding planned stage. The three came to the agreement that the marriage would take place, and all three were on the same page that the pre-existing relationship would continue unaffected. Non-traditional open marriages have been around for a long, long time.

      1. Bubba Jones

        What happens when tuition money goes toward diamond earrings for the other woman?

    8. Bubba Jones

      I also have a sex pass.

      I am allowed to have sex with Jennifer Aniston any time I want.

  12. A French Jewish group is suing Twitter and Facebook over alleged “hate speech” on the platforms.

    I feel maybe France – and really all of the EU – need their own internet.

    1. Zeb

      They seem to be working on it.

  13. Lee G

    “I am a radical feminist who also happens to be highly attracted to people that abuse and murder women. Oops. I actually don’t find Dahmer attractive any more, I like Bundy and Ramirez a lot better, ha-ha.”

    In other words: “I am an attention whore who thrives on being different without consideration for the actual principles involved. If it’s outrageous, I’ll probably say it. If it pisses daddy off, I’ll probably do it.”

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      “I actually don’t find Dahmer attractive any more”

      Since Dahmer was homosexual, this is a good move. Stick to the guys who won’t be a waste of your time.

      1. Zeb

        I’m pretty sure they are all an equal waste of time, being dead or in prison.

        1. RBS

          Are conjugal visits still a thing?

  14. Citizen X

    The gender-neutral bathroom sign business is booming.

    It sure is gonna be weird when all the restroom doors just say YOU FIGURE IT OUT on them.

    1. Just put an infinity symbol on them?

      1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        Put three different doors that all go to the same three-holer in the alley.

    2. Drake

      In the Marines in remote locations, we dug two types of field latrines. A “pisser” – a hole in the ground. And a “shitter” – a hole in the ground with sandbags built into a seat. I never imagined that this would be the labeling for civilian bathrooms.

  15. Lord Humungus

    Man arrested after dressing as Stormtrooper

    “According to the incident report, when deputies pulled up, Marling had two hands on what they thought was a real weapon. They told him to put the weapon down, but Marling turned away and continued walking. Deputies gave a second command, and it was at that point Marling put the gun down and took a step back.

    “I was scared, because their guns are real. Mine isn’t.”

    He was arrested for reckless conduct and wearing a mask. Georgia Law says that’s not allowed unless it’s for a holiday or a function.

    1. Cyto

      Holy crap, we have lost our minds.

      1. RBS

        A lot of states have these mask laws, although they are rarely enforced. Unless you piss of some cops and they need to load up the charges.

        1. Veritas et Libertas

          Georgia’s mask law (if I am not mistaken) stems from a stream of legislation that was intended to counteract the Ku Klux Klan.

        2. Enough About Palin

          Due to Minneapolis’s cold winters I wear a ski mask. One can literally walk int a Wells Fargo bank wearing one and security doesn’t bat an eye.

          True story.

        3. Jickerson

          How is that not a violation of the first amendment? Or rather, it definitely is a violation, but the courts choose to ignore it because they like anti-mask laws. It’s not any of their business that you express yourself by wearing a mask.

    2. straffinrun

      Sure they got the right one? They do all look alike.

      1. He’s a bit too short to be a real stormtrooper.

        1. Private Chipperbot

          Too fat?

          1. Elspeth Flashman

            Storm troopers can be attractive in all sizes?

  16. Slammer

    Nile crocodiles captured in South Florida still have scientists seeking answers

    Researchers have confirmed that three Nile crocodiles were captured near Miami, and they say it’s possible more of the man-eating reptiles are still out there, although no one can say for sure.

    The big question now: How did they get to Florida?

    1. Lord Humungus

      curse you, Slammer!

      1. Slammer

        *crocodile smiles*

    2. Mr Lizard

      Do I have to spell it out for you?…it’s amazing your species hasn’t nuked itself while fumbling for the collective light switch every morning

    3. Tonio

      The big question now: How did they get to Florida?

      Same as Burmese Pythons – humans brought them. Duh.

      Someone imported them as exotic “pets” and when they became too big and scary to safely keep the owner released them into the wild rather than doing the responsible thing and shooting them.

      1. Tonio

        And remember that libertarianism has no solution for this other than trying to fix it after the fact.

        1. Just a thought not a sermon

          But apparently whatever non-libertarian government is in charge in Florida also has no solution for it, except trying to fix it after the fact.

          1. Tonio

            That is actually a failure of the feds, since they had to go through customs at some point.

        2. And statism has no solution for this other than imposing onerous liberty obliterating laws that won’t work anyways and trying to fix it after the fact with more onerous liberty obliterating policies that won’t work anyways.

        3. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          Crocodile hunting is a pretty entertaining solution.

      2. RBS

        At some point, Disney is going to just build a wall on the Florida border and start charging admission to the Disney Worldwide Exotic Pet Experience. This will include exhibits of Florida Man in the wild.

        1. Citizen X

          “HOLD MAH BEER AND WATCH THIS”

          “Oh, look honey! He’s challenging the other males for dominance!”

          1. Drake

            “That other one is taking the wheels off his house… er… nesting.”

          2. Libertarian

            Luckily, I was done with my coffee before reading that.

        2. “Admission is one case of beer and two vials of crystal meth”

          1. I didn’t think meth came in vials, I have it on good authority that meth is packaged and delivered in the form of anal cavities.

            1. No, no! That is where you store the vials!

              1. Cut me some slack. I’m new to the anal transport game.

            2. Libertarian

              If you have anal cavities you need to consider changing dentists.

              1. “Rectum? Damn near killed ’em!”

              2. Elspeth Flashman

                4/5 dentists recommend Aquafresh twice daily for ridding yourself of troublesome anal cavities.

  17. Lord Humungus

    Nile crocodiles slither into South Florida

    Step aside, Burmese python ? you may no longer be Florida’s scariest invasive species.

    Researchers have confirmed that three Nile crocodiles were captured near Miami, and they say it’s possible more of the man-eating reptiles are still out there, although no one can say for sure.

    The big question now: How did they get to Florida?

    “They didn’t swim from Africa,” University of Florida herpetologist Kenneth Krysko said. “But we really don’t know how they got into the wild.”

    1. Citizen X

      Florida herpetologist

      Now that’s a job where you go home and drink heavily.

      1. Kind of like “resident of Australia”?

      2. Anomalous

        There’s lots of herpes in Florida, so he has job security.

    2. bacon-magic

      Answer: Florida man.

    3. Renegade Jew

      Tastes just like Palestinian chicken.

      1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        Is what nile crocodiles say about Floridah man.

  18. An Amnesty International survey conducted in 27 countries found “significant majorities of people would welcome refugees into the country and even consider taking them into their home,” The Washington Post reports.

    People all over the world, deep down in their hearts, are so very hypothetically generous.

    1. Rich

      even consider taking them into their home

      “…. Naah.”

    2. Exactly. Let’s see the percentage of those who state that preference versus those who reveal that preference.

      A more accurate blurb might be “significant majorities of people are uncomfortable expressing opinions that could be perceived as ‘Islamophobic'”.

    3. DJF

      They did not ask me.

      1. You’re in the minority of selfish pricks.

  19. Lord Humungus

    Isis executes 25 Iraqi ‘spies’ by lowering them into nitric acid until their ‘organs dissolve’

    According to witnesses of the killings, the 25 alleged ‘spies’ were tied together with a huge rope and lowered in a basin containing the highly corrosive acid. Nitric acid is generally used for manufacturing ammonium nitrate that can be used to make fertiliser and explosives but it can also be used for photoengraving, etching steel, and reprocessing spent nuclear fuel.

    “ISIS terrorist members executed 25 persons in Mosul on charges of spying and collaborating with Iraqi security forces,’ a source told Iraqi News in a statement. “ISIS members tied each person with a rope and lowered him in the tub, which contains nitric acid, till the victims organs dissolve.”

    1. Lee G

      Apparently they’re competing for “Most Innovative” in the execution category.

      1. Citizen X

        Where’s James Bond when you need him? Laid up with late-stage syphilis, if we’re being realistic.

        1. Mr Lizard

          Ya that’s some super evil villain shit right there

      2. bassjoe

        Pshaw; dissolving in acid isn’t innovative, at all.

        I read about this form of execution that occurred in Middle Ages Europe in a Wikipedia-hole once:

        1. The victim is tied up

        2. Tied up victim is placed naked in a hollowed out tree trunk.

        3. Piles of shit are packed into the tree trunk.

        4. Worms, beetles and other shit-loving creepy-crawlies are thrown into the tree trunk.

        5. Wait a week.

        6. Predictable results.

        1. Not as dramatic and grants fewer supervillain points.

          1. bassjoe

            I thought we were going for innovative? “Dissolving victim alive in acid” is so cliche…

            1. And getting mideval is ‘innovative’?

        2. That sounds like a rehashing of the ancient Persian method called scaphism.

    2. Rich

      When ISIS takes over Iraq, they will literally dissolve Parliament. 8-(

      1. Stop making me hope they would…

        An Iraqi Army captain told me a joke about their parliament back when Jalal Talabani was President.

        “President Talibani has all the leaders of the Iraqi parliament meet with him and they are trying hash things out…when the phone rings. It is Talibani’s wife and she says ‘Jalal, you must come home at once, there is a thief in the house!’ ‘Nonsense, woman!’ he roars back, ‘They are all here with me!'”

        1. spqr2008

          I actually heard that one from the son of a close Talabani friend. He was my RA one year.

    3. BigT

      Congress aims to overhaul chemical safety laws.

      ISIS is merely trying to get things done before the laws change. Duh.

    4. straffinrun

      Did they have transgender basins?

  20. The gender-neutral bathroom sign business is booming.

    Big Sign was behind it all.

    1. Tonio

      And Big Stall, and plumbers and contractors. Yeah, this could be a real bonanza for lots of people.

      1. Rich

        Big Stall

        LOL

        1. Seconded.

          *applauds*

  21. Rich

    Portland school board bans climate change-denying materials

    “Climate education is not a niche or a specialization, it is the minimum requirement for my generation to be successful in our changing world.”

    We are so fucked.

    1. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

      A teacher told my daughter’s class it takes 4000 years for plastic bags to biodegrade.

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        The first link on Google (not vouching for its legitimacy) says “estimates for the time it takes them [plastic bags] to decompose ranging from 20 to 1000 years.”

      2. Just a thought not a sermon

        Also, who cares if it takes 4,000 years? That’s not actually that long on some timescales. We find all kinds of crap people threw away from thousands of years ago in the ground and consider it a great boon.

        1. “Don’t drop your arrows everywhere, dear, do you know how long those things take to decompose? Ugga, eat your cat stew, there are Mississippians starving, you know.”

          1. Don’t get Quincy going.

        2. Libertarian

          “Look, Daddy, I found another plastic bag with ‘Dollar General’ on it!”

          “That’s nice, honey, but put it back. We’ll be in big trouble if we remove artifacts from Detroit Wilderness Park.”

          “Daddy, what’s a ‘dollar’?”

          “It’s an old, pre-electronic medium of exchange. They’re worthless now. ‘Dollar General,’ apparently, was the title of the head of the Federal Reserve in the Old Times.”

          1. Agent Cooper

            DOLLA G!

      3. Rich

        Obligatory.

    2. Didn’t Brown v Board of Education resolve this already?

      1. Mr Lizard

        *slow clap while looking for a ruling on the field*

    3. Just a thought not a sermon

      Maybe to make room for this in the curriculum, get rid of some of those useless old patriarchal subjects, like math.

    4. Zeb

      What does that even mean? How is that going to have anything to do with one’s success? Even supposing they are completely correct about climate change it sounds like a load of shit.

      1. Tornado16nb

        Saw one climate change person claiming the fossil fuel industry is going to make his daughter go hungry when she grows up

        1. Slammer

          “What’d you have her for, dumbass?”

    5. Rhywun

      it is the minimum requirement for my generation to be successful in our changing world

      Out of the mouths of babes… Us adults could learn a thing or two from our teenage climate scientists in Portland.

      1. Libertarian

        Well, in all fairness to Oregon, science class is the proper place for litmus tests.

        1. spqr2008

          Stop worshiping pHalse prophets and profits! Worship only our mother Gaia!

    6. Rhywun

      Bigelow [the spearheader] is also the co-author of a textbook on environmental education, A People’s Curriculum for the Earth.

      Oh Portland… never change.

      1. CatoTheChipper

        Actually they should change their name. Portland cement is one of the biggest emitters of CO2.

        I know that Portland has virtually no connection with Portland cement, but the name of the city triggers me.

  22. bacon-magic

    I can’t help myself, art like this needs reposted on all am/pm links, thanks Injun!

    1. Tonio

      Paging Groovus Maximus – this video is the one I was referring to in the Friday Funnies thread just now.

      1. Groovus Maximus

        Magnificent! Simply magnificent! Needs an Amanda Marcotte reference for that… full flavour effect.

        I was under the impression that, “refreshing his browser obsessively” == “FAPPING”. Difference without distinction?

        1. Tonio

          Po-tay-toe, poh-tah-toe.

        2. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          He has a special mousepad.

          It requires a lot of cleaning.

    2. gaoxiaen

      Nick’s new moustache is really cool.

  23. Lord Humungus

    Google Honors Bin Laden Supporter With Google Doodle

    “It’s with great pleasure that Google celebrates Yuri Kochiyama, an Asian American activist who dedicated her life to the fight for human rights and against racism and injustice,” Google’s webpage for Thursday’s Doodle says.

    This short summary substantially whitewashes Kochiyama’s career, though. Besides campaigning for reparations to interned Japanese-Americans (which were granted in 1988), Kochiyama’s career included frequent support for Communist revolution, black separatism, and anti-American terrorism.

    A convert to Islam, after 9/11 Kochiyama was deeply critical of the U.S. war on terrorism and offered strong praise for Osama bin Laden. In a 2003 interview, she described bin Laden as a leader she admired, alongside Fidel Castro, Malcolm X, and Che Guevara.

    1. Citizen X

      whitewashes

      PROBLEMATIC.

    2. Lee G

      Covered yesterday, but it bears repeating. Google really needs to put some adult supervision on their Doodle department.

      1. Libertarian

        Perhaps they’ll switch to the Facebook algorithm.

  24. The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the right to a speedy trial doesn’t include the right to speedy sentencing.

    Loophole!

    1. Tonio

      “Ha, ha, fooled you.”

      But it’s interesting how there were no emanations or penumbras in that part of the constitution.

      1. Juice

        No such thing as implied rights, only implied powers.

  25. The Arizona Supreme Court reiterated that no actual minors must be involved in order to charge someone with sex trafficking a minor.

    Otherwise they’d have to start hiring underage vice detectives.

    1. Tonio

      In Virginia the ABC police at one time enlisted boyscouts to approach people outside convenience stores and asking them to buy beer.

      1. Lee G

        Ah yes, the Narc merit badge.

        1. Tonio

          I believe that’s formally known as the Law Enforcement merit badge, Lee. AKA, the golden snitch.

          Fun story: Around the time that story broke I was approached outside a convenience store by this nice preppy looking boy who asked me about buying beer. Don’t know why, but my alarms went off. I told the kid that five years ago I would have been happy to help him, but with the current culture of hysteria I wasn’t going to take that risk for him, sorry (deliberately sending a message if he was indeed engaged in entrapment). I suggested that his best bet was to find a wino; that’s what we did when I was a lad.

          1. “I saw a wino eating some grapes….I told him – Hey, you have to wait!”

            1. Lee G

              There used to be a restaurant in Baltimore that would let you send a bottle of Thunderbird to another table, complete with brown paper bag and styrofoam cups.

              1. Citizen X

                Baltimore tho

            2. You have a deplorable double standard on bad humor…

              *narrows gaze*

              1. Mitch Hedberg is eternal… but only funny the first time, unfortunately.

          2. toolkien

            Well, only if you lost your I.D. in a flood.

    2. Cloudbuster

      The Arizona Supreme Court reiterated that no actual minors must be involved in order to charge someone with sex trafficking a minor.

      W the actual F?

  26. SugarFree

    I just realized that Ms. Nolan already has a perfect name for a blaxploitation heroine: Lizzie Brown.

    “Don’t you go messin’ with Lizzie Brown. That girl don’t fuck around.”

    1. Citizen X

      I would watch that movie, even if Quentin Tarantino was involved.

    2. bacon-magic

      She da baddest bottom bitch in town.

    3. Just a thought not a sermon

      I’d never seen Coffy until a couple years ago. That is one A++ movie.

    4. Starring in Darktown Strutters Williamsburg Strutters?

    5. Hey there, people, I’m Lizzy Brown
      They say I’m the cutest boy in town
      My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
      I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
      Tiny heinie ho!
      Here I am at a famous school
      I’m dressin’ sharp
      I’m actin’ cool
      I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
      Let her do all the work ‘n’ maybe later I’ll rape her

      Oh God I am the american dream
      I do not think I’m too extreme
      An’ I’m a handsome sonofabitch
      I’m gonna get a new glove ‘n’ be real rich
      Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good job…
      Women’s liberation
      Came creepin’ all across the nation
      I tell you people, I was not ready
      When I fucked this dyke by the name of freddie

      1. Tonio

        RIP, Frank Zappa.

        1. Slammer

          Criminally underrated guitarist

          1. Zeb

            Zappa was the shit. If you are a fan and haven’t seen it, you want to see the long awaited Roxy: The Movie.

            1. db

              Zappa was a genius.

              1. Zeb

                I can’t recommend the Roxy movie enough. That has to be one of the most talented bands anyone has ever put together.

    6. Tonio

      For fans of Tarantino, I recommend Switchblade Sisters directed by Tarantino’s mentor Jack Hill. Bonus: the girl gang are called The Jezebels.

  27. The Oklahoma legislature has passed a law criminalizing abortion.

    Federalism is bad, mmkay.

  28. Lord Humungus

    Libertarians Have A Chance To Make Some Noise. But Not With These Candidates

    For most people, a libertarian is just someone who is fiscally conservative and socially liberal. It far more complicated, of course. And to entice anti-Trump social conservatives, libertarians will need to cast themselves as a party of federalism ? one that protects individual rights, expands school choice, and preserves freedom of association, religious liberty and so on.

    And that’s a tough sell, already. So it doesn’t help that Gary Johnson, the languid former New Mexico governor and frontrunner, has some perplexing ? no, atrocious ? ideas about the First Amendment. As it stands, I’m not sure how any conservative could give him a protest vote.

    During a Libertarian Party debate a few weeks back, candidate Austin Petersen claimed that Johnson had once argued in favor of forcing bakeries to participate in gay weddings against their conscience. Johnson agreed that he had. If we allow people to “discriminate” on the basis of religion, he argued, we are creating a “black hole.” So should Jewish bakers be forced to bake wedding cakes for Nazi customers, Petersen asked. Yes, “that would be my contention,” Johnson answered.

    1. Citizen X

      black hole

      PROBLEMATIC.

    2. Yeah, booooooy!

    3. SugarFree

      Oh, noes. The Federalist doesn’t think the LP is libertarian enough! Whatever shall they do?!?

      1. Citizen X

        Contract argyria?

    4. BigT

      So should Jewish bakers be forced to bake wedding cakes for Nazi customers

      Of course not, the ovens are already full!

      1. *fiercely narrows gaze*

    5. gaoxiaen

      Damn. Where’s my swastika cake pan?

  29. Renegade Jew

    A French Jewish group is suing Twitter and Facebook over alleged “hate speech” on the platforms.

    They need to be more RENEGADE!

    1. Citizen X

      You’re just shilling for Big Sicarius.

      1. Renegade Jew

        No, Big Foreskin. I’m in the handbag business and raw materials are often an issue. I’ll admit that we do occasionally use daggers to cut the cloth.

        1. Slammer

          I have a wallet made from foreskins, if I rub it it turns into a duffel bag

          1. Renegade Jew

            That’s the secret to our ability to hide our Jew Gold.

            1. spqr2008

              So that explains Mary Poppins….

  30. Tonio

    PR exec Gene Grabowski, a former partner with Burson-Marsteller, pwns Rachel Maddow and Mary Louise Kelly during NPR interview this morning. Apparently Maddow name-checked B-M during a recent show. NPR played the clip of Maddow saying that “evil has Burson-Marsteller on speed-dial.”
    Grabowski’s beautiful response: business spiked after she said that.

    1. The Last American Hero

      Apparently these sorts are evil personified, unless they are characters portrayed by Kerry Washington as tragic heroes.

  31. The real reason that so many women have to spend so much time getting ready

    You might dismiss all this female primping and preening as vanity or silliness. Yet a fascinating new paper from two sociologists suggests that women do have good reason to spend so much time and money on their appearance: If they don’t, they risk losing a substantial amount of money.

    This explains why everyone in Congress is so attractive, right?

    1. In a highly unscientific poll, 27 of my female colleagues at The Washington Post reported putting an average of five products on their face that morning, and keeping two additional pairs of shoes at their desk. The two male colleagues I asked averaged half a product and one extra shoe each.

      Did those guys have one extra left shoe, or a right?

      1. SugarFree

        Averages. One guy had an extra pair and one guy used product. And let’s be honest, they were the same guy and he’s gay.

        And maybe female journalists who work for WaPo need a lot of help.

        1. They certainly need help understanding the difference between correlation and causation.

          “All I need to do to get a raise is have my eyebrows waxed? Awesome sauce!”

        2. Rhywun

          Are we counting hair product? Because in recent years men are every bit as vain as women when it comes to primping up in the morning.

          1. Slammer

            *shaves head again, laughs at Bed Head users*

          2. Slumbrew

            *thinks back to yesterday’s haircut: “#2 on the back and sides, trim it up top”*

      2. BigT

        The two male colleagues I asked averaged half a product

        Preparation H. And not on the face.

        1. *winces, begins applause*

        2. Tonio

          Apparently there is a lot of off-label use of that product for removing under-eye wrinkles.

          1. straffinrun

            brown eye wrinkles?

            1. I larfed.

          2. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            removing under-eye wrinkles.

            Waaay under.

      3. Anomalous

        If it’s the Washington Post, then it’s a left shoe. Duh.

      4. Certified Public Asshat

        A guy at work will wear boots in the winter and change into dress shoes/oxfords/whatever the fuck at work.

        We park in a parking garage that is connected to the building. At his place, he has shoveled sidewalks and maybe a 100m walk inside.

        Why? Why does he do this?

        1. Expensive shoes? Leather soles? Leather soles are not fun when wet.

          1. Certified Public Asshat

            I doubt it, he will rock a long sleeve polo from time to time.

      5. db

        I keep extra shoes at my desk but they have steel toes.

    2. The Last American Hero

      It explains why the interns the congressmen are banging are so attractive.

  32. Congress aims to overhaul chemical safety laws.

    Enhancing safety by tossing more people in jail?

    1. “How else”?

      /Puzzled Congresscritter

  33. An Amnesty International survey conducted in 27 countries found “significant majorities of people would welcome refugees into the country and even consider taking them into their home,” The Washington Post reports.

    The amazing thing is that 27 countries have no homeless people. We should ask how they accomplished that.

    1. DJF

      Stop using observation and logic!!!!!

  34. Tonio

    Yesterday, someone asked if Petersburg, VA might be ripe for libertarian takeover. Petersburg city government is corrupt and on the verge of collapse. Utility bills come out months late and arrive past the due date. Residents have to pay “late fees” to keep their water on. There is a group of local naive do-gooders trying to reform the place, but they are battling an entrenched government. Also the New Black Panthers are dead set on keeping the current government, because tribalism, regardless of the failures of that government. Bottom line – it’s a sticky trap and whoever unseats the current kleptocracy will immediately be blamed for years of past malfeasance with which they had no part in creating. Also, racism.

    1. bacon-magic

      “The New Black Panthers make Malcom X look like Bryant Gumble.” -Negrodamus, real talk

    2. Citizen X

      I knew Petersburg was bad, but i had no idea how bad. I should buy some property up there while it’s cheap, yes?

      1. Tonio

        Yeah, it’s like Ferguson, MO, or that town in California which Reason covered extensively a few years back. Be prepared to hold on to that property for a long time, though.

        P’burg has potential, but I don’t see that potential being realized until the voters abandon tribalism.

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          P’burg has been on the verge of collapse for at least 20 years.

          And probably ever since the Union blew a big hole in ground under the confederate lines.

    3. Lee G

      Petersburg sucks.

      1. Tonio

        Bless Petersburg’s heart.

    4. PBR Streetgang

      It was I and I grew up in Petersburg (Petersburg public schools K-12, so that probably explains my poor grammar and typing) so, trust me, I know firsthand how bad it is. That’s why I say ‘no where to go but up’, literally anything would be an improvement.

  35. Rich

    Central Park hosts an all-female, naked production of The Tempest

    Probably NSFW. Certainly Crusty “would”.

    1. The guy with the binoculars…

      1. Citizen X

        I notice he’s holding the binoculars one-handed.

        1. Lord Humungus

          Watch me type with no-hands!

    2. Zeb

      I wouldn’t kick many of them out of bed for eating crackers.

    3. SugarFree

      The one attractive one is the only one they don’t show the goods on. Good job, jerks.

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        If they do that, no one would need to buy tickets for the show.

        1. SugarFree

          No, I see the reasoning. It’s just they have no problem showcasing the chunkies.

          1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            John would

    4. Slammer

      “Safely in harbour
      Is the king’s ship; in the deep nook, where once
      Thou call’dst me up at midnight to fetch dew “

  36. A clever tweak to how apples are sold is making everyone eat more of them

    Specifically, they thought the fact that the apples were being served whole, rather than sliced, was doing the fruits no favor. And they were on to something.

    A pilot study conducted at eight schools found that fruit consumption jumped by more than 60 percent when apples were served sliced. And a follow-up study, conducted at six other schools, not only confirmed the finding, but further strengthened it: Both overall apple consumption and the percentage of students who ate more than half of the apple that was served to them were more than 70 percent higher at schools that served sliced apples.

    “It sounds simplistic, but even the simplest forms of inconvenience affect consumption,” said David Just, a professor of behavioral economics at Cornell who studies consumer food choices, and one of the study’s author. “Sliced apples just make a lot more sense for kids.”

    Lazy little shits! I blame the American tendency to shun everything with red skin.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      Think again

    2. I blame the American tendency to shun everything with red skin.

      Why are you othering the green apples?

      1. Tonio

        And golden delicious…

    3. This Machine

      Are you Hungry for Apples?

      1. Idle Hands

        That show is fucking brilliant.

        1. Slumbrew

          Wubba lubba dub dub, bitches!

  37. Politico thinks the pot industry declared war on the poor by giving them jobs

    “That confidence in Denver’s regulatory efforts isn’t shared in areas that feel overrun by marijuana. Elyria-Swansea was among a few neighborhoods identified by the Denver Post early this year as having roughly one marijuana business for every 91 residents?a clustering that intensifies problems like smell, but that also claims precious real estate.

    “We have people who have tried to start businesses, and they weren’t able to lease the spaces because the marijuana industry came in and could make a higher offer?and do it instantly,” said CdeBaca, the neighborhood activist, at a news conference by activists in April. “We’ve borne the burden of the state and city’s growth at the cost of our residents.””

    Oh no! Rich businesses moved in and bought real estate! Cataclysmic!

    1. Lee G

      That is an incredibly large steaming pile of stupid.

      1. The real estate thing is hilarious. Someone has to buy that real estate. Why is the pot industry buying that real estate bad?

        “These communities once offered plentiful jobs in the city’s smelters, meatpacking houses, brickyards and stockyards, but those industries are mostly gone now, along with Denver’s cow town image.”

        Clearly back when the area was filled with stockyards and meatpacking houses, no one ever had to worry about the smell. Goddamn marijuana, hurting the poor

        1. Lee G

          “Oh no! The city will collect more in property taxes!” Said no prog ever.

          These idiots perfectly exemplify the NIMBY attitude among progs. They want to extract money from elsewhere and have it delivered to them without question, without adjustment on their part. God forbid they should adapt.

        2. spqr2008

          There was a reason Cincinnati was called “Porkopolis” in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. And part of the reason is that you could smell the slaughterhouses for miles up and down the river. It’s also why a lot of the lower areas of hills on both sides of the river have nice same era houses. The management and owners of the various transport and slaughtering and packing industries didn’t want to be in the same vicinity.

    2. Tornado16nb

      They are worried about the poor but yet want to jack up the min wage.

    3. bacon-magic

      They gave us jerbs! – poor person off the dole

      1. *opera applause*

    4. BigT

      roughly one marijuana business for every 91 residents?a clustering that intensifies problems benefits like smell

      FIFY

    5. Reminds me of that article a while back that was bemoaning the increased property value of industrial warehouse properties in Colorado after legal marijuana drove up the demand for such properties. It’s much more preferable that those properties values be depressed and remain abandoned.

      1. Zeb

        You wouldn’t think that supply and demand was such a difficult concept. When things are going well economically, property values go up.

        1. But you see, things are going well economically for icky reasons.

          1. Zeb

            Sticky-icky reasons.

            1. You win.

            2. Citizen X

              +420

    6. Agent Cooper

      CdeBaca

      Uh, what is this?

  38. Cyto

    You really should go back and read the bit about “right to speedy trial”.

    Our supreme court has no problem with keeping someone in jail for 14 months awaiting sentencing.

    I just can’t even with these people.

    Anyway, in a concurring opinion, Justice Sotamayor suggested that maybe they should try appealing the delay on other grounds.

    Thanks, hon. I mean really…. can you even with these people? Because I can’t even with these people.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      And Justice Wise Latina is easily the best on the Supreme Court when it comes to criminal justice issues, which shows how terrible the others are.

      1. Likewise, Thomas has seem to gone full-on crazy grandpa lately.

    2. Juice

      Is sentencing part of the trial or not?

      1. Cyto

        Only if you are using English language definitions. Apparently, when speaking legalese there can be a sentencing phase of the trial. But it can either be part of the trial, or not part of the trial, depending on how you want things to come out in the end.

        From what I can tell of SCOTUS-ese, that’s how logic works. You start with a conclusion and work your way backward. That’s the only rational explanation for all of the insipid and contradictory rulings of the court.

        1. Appropriate.

  39. So, if you’re sentence is, say, 24 months – with potential reductions for good behavior and parole, and you spend 30 months waiting for your sentence hearing, that’s OK?

    Fucking SC man.

    1. If your *maximum* sentence is

      1. It’s the crucial difference between “what we actually believe” and “what we can get away with”.

        The Constitution is just a piece of paper. If no one really believes the ideals laid out therein, the ideals will be irrelevant.

    2. Zeb

      Credit toward future sentences?

  40. Tornado16nb

    Is liberalism (not salon liberals who are totalitarians) mainly a bunch of well off folks wanting to show they care by raising min wage and preening about climate change?

    In other words they are more platitudes, rather than actually doing anything meaningful. Their call for climate change action is mainly them just showing off for example and they don’t really care or are worried about it.

    1. Tornado16nb

      With statements like this: “Climate education is not a niche or a specialization, it is the minimum requirement for my generation to be successful in our changing world.”

    2. Tornado16nb

      With statements like this: “Climate education is not a niche or a specialization, it is the minimum requirement for my generation to be successful in our changing world.”

    3. Tonio

      True intentions are hard to divine, even with polls. My working hypothesis is that at least 60% of liberals are sincere but naive – they actually think those solutions will work and lack either the curiousity or brainpower to work things through. Another 30% know the solutions are flawed and the system broken, but view the few crumbs that will eventually reach the poor as an acceptable trade-off for high taxes – these tend to be your journalists and writers. The remaining 10%, who are the ones driving the whole thing, have no illusions; they are full-on authoritarian commies.

      1. Lee G

        I beg to differ

        1. Zeb

          Wow, that’s stupid. How can anyone be that completely wrong?

          1. Lee G

            And completely self-unaware

            1. Zeb

              I delved into the comments a little bit. Seems that many of them think that it’s not rich people like actors and politicians who are so much the problem, but those who greedily pursue wealth (IOW, productive business owners who actually create wealth and employ people).
              Then they argued about whether or not Bernie is well off.

              Amazing.

              1. Lee G

                DU is ground zero for Berniebots these days. I eagerly await the commenting implosion when he finally gives up.

              2. Tornado16nb

                Making 20 million on a movie isn’t greedy mmkay.

        2. Tornado16nb

          Lol, quick check of the google says good Jodie is worth 100 million. Funny the 1 percenters who they complain about pay the highest effective rates and provide a fairly large chunk of revenue to the government vs their income percent.

          1. Slumbrew

            I quick google search only brings up that one image – did she actually say that? I’m willing to believe yes, but that’s so stupid I’d like some confirmation.

            1. Tornado16nb

              Yea that would be pretty idiotic considering how much she is worth.

            2. Agent Cooper

              I doubt she said that. She has said other things that contradict such a statement.

      2. Jerryskids

        It’s the problem known as “you can’t reason somebody out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into”. You’re trying to use logic on somebody demonstrably illogical. They can’t see parallels between one thing and another even when you draw them. “Look, we’ve tried this sort of thing before and it doesn’t work” doesn’t mean anything to them – just because it didn’t work before doesn’t mean it won’t work this time, and besides this is totally different because that was something they tried over there and this is something we’re trying over here. It’s like they’ve developed plans for a perpetual motion machine and your argument involving laws of thermodynamics doesn’t impress them in the least because you haven’t detailed why this specific perpetual motion machine won’t work. “I just know it won’t work, because it can’t” is a stupid silly argument to them. Try to point to the exact flaw in the plan and they’ll just argue “well, I don’t see how that’s a problem, but even if it is, these are just the plans so we’ll just fix it when we build the actual machine.”

        And by the time they’ve grown wiser and figured out you’re right, there’s a whole new crop of idiots incapable of learning from the experience of the idiots that preceded them and you gotta start all over again, like Sisyphus eternally pushing a retard up the down escalator.

  41. LynchPin1477

    The improbable deal, which both sides have pursued since President Obama first term in office, gives the EPA the power to require companies to provide health and safety data for untested chemicals and to prevent substances from reaching the market if they have not been determined to be safe. Under current law, the agency must prove that a chemical poses a potential risk before it can demand data or require testing, and that substance can automatically enter the marketplace after 90 days.

    I’m sure this will spur innovation and be a boon to the economy.

    1. BigT

      require companies to provide health and safety data for untested chemicals and to prevent substances from reaching the market if they have not been determined to be safe.

      Guilty until proven innocent!

    2. Lee G

      It will hurt start-ups. A win for the big players.

    3. Tonio

      Precautionary Principle!

    4. CatoTheChipper

      Remember that Obama expressed dissatisfaction with the fact that the ATM has displaced so many bank tellers.

      Innovations often have the effect of improving productivity. Marxists view productivity improvements with extreme suspicion in the same way that Bernie views deodorant selections with extreme suspicion. That is, they only exist to enrich the capitalists.

      Plus, nobody needs more innovation. Humanity has existed this long without whatever gets innovated in the future. If the prohibition or delay in innovation saves just one job, that’s a good thing to the Marxist.

  42. This one is for all you dads out there: High school student, 15, is caught on Snapchat having sex with 25 boys in campus restroom

    The girl reportedly told the school’s principal she ‘had sex with a number of the boys’, while fellow students claimed the group ‘locked themselves’ in and filmed the acts on camera.

    1. Transgendered people get let into the bathrooms and then this happens.

      Thanks, Obama

      1. Tonio

        [polite applause]

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      ::curls self into fetal position, cries::

    3. Lee G

      Somebody has got some daddy issues.

    4. The Last American Hero

      See, this is what happens when you let anybody use whatever bathroom they want.

      /I keed.

    5. Groovus Maximus

      Boy Tonio, when you said a wild ride, you weren’t kidding, *grabs Pepto*

      1. Tonio

        Oh, it begins far before that, Doc. Just wait until the first time they dress you up. [shudders, reaches for flask]

      2. straffinrun

        I know this guy. Different handle for me. Nobody has figured out who I was before, but welcome back.

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          We all know you’re Tulpa.

          Not foolin’ anyone.

          1. But that’s only because everyone is Tulpa now.

      3. Lee G

        Did Putin finally release you?

    6. Photos or it didn’t happen.

  43. ‘She didn’t have her hand forced’: Lena Dunham posts throwback snap while naked in tub with pregnant Jemima Kirke to make a pro-choice statement

    Well, now I’m definitely pro-life, unless it is Lena Dunham’s life.

    1. Groovus Maximus

      unless it is Lena Dunham’s life

      PETA would like a word with you, sir. And it ain’t the chicks in the Arugala & Kale bikinis…

      1. Hey Doc – a homebrewing buddy of mine who is a Dune fan made some cinnamon spiced mead…he labeled it “Shai Hulud – the spiced mead must flow” and had a great ‘Fremen and a sandworm’ illustration on it.

        It was damned tasty, and now I get glimpses into the future.

        1. Groovus Maximus

          But can you be many places at once? THAT is the biggest advantage to a spice trance.

        2. With testimonials from Elrood IX about the life extending properties of the brew. But that might run afoul of FDA and/or ATF labeling rules.

        3. That’s genius.

    2. Tonio

      I don’t even want to know what that’s all about.

    3. Red Rocks Rockin

      We got Groovus back, now we just need Barfman.

      1. ME WANTUM WINE COMMONSEWER.

  44. Juvenile Bluster

    Inside the teen feminist serial-killer-fans of Twitter…

    This has been going on since long before twitter was a thing. And long before the internet was a thing.

    Womyns be weird.

    1. Citizen X

      They also be shoppin’!

  45. Pope Jimbo

    I love our state politics.

    We are trying to build a new light rail line, but the central planners can’t squeeze $135M out of the state legislature to secure federal matching funds (around $900M).

    Their plan? Create a new 1/2 cent sales tax in the 7 county area.

    Yes, somehow in their minds their inability to raise a 1 time lump sum means that they should get a new tax that is estimated to $280M/year from now until forever. I can’t even follow their thinking on this.

    1. Tornado16nb

      From the comments: apparently light rail riders are subsidizing the roads.

    2. Tornado16nb

      From the comments: apparently light rail riders are subsidizing the roads.

  46. The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the right to a speedy trial doesn’t include the right to speedy sentencing.

    Four of the shots that cops fired at a madman waving a knife in Midtown failed to penetrate his jacket ? which was not bullet-proof ? and the NYPD will now check the weapons for malfunction, law enforcement sources told The Post.

    “The bullets we have may be defective and that’s very disturbing,” one source said. “When we fire our weapons we want to make damn sure that our bullets hit our target ? neutralizing our target.”

    Four of the bullets got lodged in Conrad’s Carhartt jacket, sources said, adding that he was not wearing bulletproof vest.

    Another shot grazed the wrist of bystander Lauran Code, a 46-year-old lingerie designer from California.

    1. Not asking for a friend… How do you get into being a lingerie designer?

      1. If you’re not female, you have to be gay, and you have to start in the fashion industry before you get into college.

        1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

          I wish I was queer (so I could get chicks)

    2. Eternal Blue Sky

      The problem here is that the bullets weren’t deadly enough, not that we shot, er, grazed, a random bystander.

  47. Idle Hands

    Grandparent’s $1,500 swing set creates a rift in wealthy D.C. suburb:

    It was just a swing set. A $1,500 custom-designed swing set that doubles as a wisteria arbor in a posh Washington-area neighborhood, but just a swing set.

    Still, the monkey bars and three swings Bill Maloni erected for his six grandchildren in the back yard of his Chevy Chase Village home have drawn ire. Months after the swing set went up last spring, Maloni was cited for a code violation, which triggered three hearings, a vote by the village’s Board of Managers and, now, possible litigation.

    “I continue to hope that logic will prevail,” Maloni said. “But I doubt it.”

    This wealthy enclave ? a tree-lined, 0.4-square-mile area just across the District line in Montgomery County ? is governed by an elected seven-member board. It is not the first time the village and surrounding neighborhoods have squabbled with residents over complaints that some might deem trivial ? and it is hardly alone in such disputes.

    In the case of Maloni, village officials simply say that he is obligated to abide by the same regulations as the community’s 2,000 other residents.

    I don’t know whats worse that the man bought a 1500.00 custom swing-set or the ensuing fracas.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Meh. A good swing set is going to run close to $1000 anyways, so $1500 for a custom job isn’t terrible. The ensuing fracas, however, is beyond dumb.

      1. Idle Hands

        Jesus, Kids are fucking expensive.

        1. Lee G

          It’s Chevy Chase, they can afford them.

        2. Not if you follow proper procedure.

          Step one: “No” is final and means “No.”

          Step two: don’t fall for their mind games, they’re ungrateful little shits.

          1. Wait, is this the procedure for dealing with a kid-crazy girlfriend?

            ‘Cuz saying no to kids does sound cheaper.

    2. straffinrun

      DC area? Does he build one on a platform with a trap door?

      1. Idle Hands

        nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

  48. Yes, you can be fired for being too hot

    A Manhattan judge has made that determination about a wrongful termination lawsuit brought by a beautiful blond massage therapist against her ex-employers ? a chiropractor and his jealous, former Playboy Playmate wife.

    Dilek Edwards, who is also a yoga teacher, sued her ex-boss, nude model Stephanie Adams, in 2013. Adams and husband Charles Nicolai co-own Wall Street Chiropractic and Wellness.

    Dilek claimed that Adams, 45, a self-proclaimed lesbian married to a man, texted her in October 2013 warning “stay the F?K away from my husband and family!!!!!!” shortly after her boss admitted that his wife “might become jealous” of the limber, 32-year-old staffer because she’s “too cute.”

    America!

    1. “Dilek claimed that Adams, 45, a self-proclaimed lesbian married to a man, texted her in October 2013 warning “stay the F?K away from my husband and family!!!!!!” shortly after her boss admitted that his wife “might become jealous” of the limber, 32-year-old staffer because she’s “too cute.””

      ????????

      So lesbianism doesn’t mean you’re attracted to women anymore?

      1. She wanted to move up the progressive stack.

      2. I identify as woman that identifies as a man that identifies as a lesbian with a dick. Don’t be so narrow minded.

        1. So.. you’re a straight guy.

          1. Spoken like a true patriarch, brah.

      3. Idle Hands

        Who the fuck are you to judge how I live my life. I’m a queer trans-gendered m-f that likes to dress like a man and lives with my wife, you need to acquiesce to my demands or the government and community is going to learn of your hateful bigotry in court.

      4. Idle Hands

        Who the fuck are you to judge how I live my life. I’m a queer trans-gendered m-f that likes to dress like a man and lives with my wife, you need to acquiesce to my demands or the government and community is going to learn of your hateful bigotry in court.

        1. Idle Hands

          I also have turrets and a service animal that you must accommodate.

          1. Your service animal is a squirrel, isn’t it?

          2. bacon-magic

            You are so medieval.

          3. Well, every queer trans-gendered m-f that likes to dress like a man‘s home is xis castle.

          4. What’s a turret?

      5. Rhywun

        Ask Mrs. Deblasio.

      6. So lesbianism doesn’t mean you’re attracted to women anymore?

        Yes, it means you’re attracted to women, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be married to a man, and cock block any attempt he has at a regular life.

        It’s about control, Irish.

    2. Idle Hands

      I have to say I don’t think she qualifies as “hot” but I guess that’s a matter of opinion.

      1. Stephanie Adams is better looking than the blonde girl

      2. If I were the judge, I’d dismiss the case because the plaintiff doesn’t have standing to sue since her butterface makes her a 6/10. That is unless her legal counsel invoked the paperbag rule. But I’d suggest she refile for lesser charges since I would bang.

        1. She’s got a bit of the Kristen Schaal thing going for her… yes, that’s meant to be a compliment.

          1. I’m trying to figure out how that is a compliment.

            1. You’ve never wanted to stick it in crazy?

              1. It has to be hot crazy for my mental calculus to come even remotely close to a willingness to bang.

                1. What can I say, mousy women are cute.

              2. Derp-o-Matic 5000

                DON’T DO IT!

        2. Libertarian

          6/10 sounds about right. Or, as I like to refer to it, “twice as appealing as Ann Coulter.”

    3. Looking at Stephanie Adams, I have no idea how that woman could be jealous of anyone. I think that’s an older picture, but I just googled her and I can’t believe that woman is 45.

      1. SugarFree

        Black don’t crack, but it can go nuts.

    4. “”It seems to me that it is plainly discriminatory to fire a woman who is too cute or not cute enough or for any other appearance-related reason,” Kirschenbaum said.”

      So it should be illegal to fire a stripper who hasn’t taken care of herself and is now 250 lbs?

      Clearly Hooters should be legally obligated to hire a few ugly women.

      1. Hooters gets sued every so often for this reason. But the BFOQ rule saves the day. Probably harder to invoke that rule for a masseuse.

      2. That’s especially rich coming from a woman who no doubt benefits far more from her appearance than she’s suffered for it.

    5. Troy Woodchipper

      America!

      The 800 pound banana republic in the china shop (to mix metaphors)

  49. bassjoe

    Kraps was one of several people arrested in 2014 in a “sting” operation. Officers posed online as 16-year-old runaways willing to engage in sexual conduct for money. When a person showed up at the hotel room and met the “child” they were arrested.

    Maybe I’m old fashioned, but shouldn’t there also be an actual ACT of prostitution? Maybe Mr. Kraps was hoping to convince the “child” to seek sanctuary at the local church? What if he was going to chicken out and not actually go through with it? This is a thought-crime.

    To get it out of the way: child prostitution is horrible and should be punished. However, luring horny and likely mentally disturbed men into these traps protects…. who exactly?

    1. He went there for research.

    2. Zeb

      It’s a bit of a stretch calling a 16 year old a child too. Maybe it is appropriate to ban under 18 prostitution, I don’t know. But it isn’t pedophilia.

      And how is it not entrapment?

    3. spqr2008

      But then men looking for underage prostitutes will just bring some “Come to Jesus” pamphlets with them when soliciting! DERP!

  50. Rank and file Republicans think party leaders should unite behind Donald Trump.

    Heck, a big chunk of the libertarian rank and file seems to think that now.

  51. Lee G

    The Privilege Game

    Warning: Brace for incoming derp

  52. DEG

    I finally watched Injun’s Downfall video about PM Links. Excellent!

    I saw this on a billboard advertising Volvo on the way into work: “MAKING SAFETY SEXY”. There’s a kink for everything.

    1. There’s actually not a kink for Volvos. Volvo safety may be the only thing on the planet that has no kink. That’s what makes it funny.

  53. Suell

    An Amnesty International survey conducted in 27 countries found “significant majorities of people would welcome refugees into the country and even consider taking them into their home,” The Washington Post reports

    We have a refugee camp set up in our backyard, but there is no way I am letting them in the house. We only have one bathroom. My generosity has limits.

    1. Well, now you have *several* bathrooms, most in your back yard.

  54. Troy Woodchipper

    The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the right to a speedy trial doesn’t include the right to speedy sentencing.

    I can’t imagine what the legal reasoning could be. But then again legal reasoning is akin to alchemy.

    The whole point of a speedy trial is quick due process so the king can’t just fucking hold you for years. The constitution also doesn’t say anything about a speedy arraignment.

    Out of all the corrupt institutions of the former Republic, this is the one I have the most contempt for.

  55. Scrolling through a number of these accounts, it seems that an overwhelming amount of followers are young women ? some as young as 16.

    Duh.

  56. Ok I got halfway through the serial killer article and got creeped out.

  57. ace_m82

    An Amnesty International survey conducted in 27 countries found “significant majorities of people would welcome refugees into the country and even consider taking them into their home,” The Washington Post reports

    Sounds like the free market would work better than central planning. Hayek would be surprised, I’m sure.

    1. I know some people who actually want to take refugees into their home and they’re extremist Christians.

  58. Uncle Jay

    RE: Rank and file Republicans think party leaders should unite behind Donald Trump.

    Sure.
    Unite behind the asshole you can find.
    That only makes sense.

  59. Cloudbuster

    The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the right to a speedy trial doesn’t include the right to speedy sentencing.

    This is the kind of shit that should start revolutions.

    (Awaiting that next subpoena. Reason, tell the feds I said “Hi.”)

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