Trump and Clinton Take New York, Ben and Jerry Arrested, Satanism Rising: A.M. Links

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Ben & Jerry's
  • Donald Trump beat Republican rivals Sen. Ted Cruz and Gov. John Kasich in every New York county except Manhattan on Tuesday. Hillary Clinton was victorious by "crushing" Bernie Sanders in New York City and surrounding suburbs while still "holding down his margins in friendlier upstate areas," The New York Times reports. 
  • The co-founders of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream were arrested for protesting on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building, in part against Citizens United and corporations using money for political speech. The men posted this political message on their corporate website. 

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  1. Target says use whatever bathroom you want.

    Executive washroom it is.

    1. Greeting card aisle it is.

      1. Flash mob it is.

    2. Hello.

      “The co-founders of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream were arrested for protesting on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building, in part against Citizens United and corporations using money for political speech.”

      Unilever.

      /drops mic.

      1. So, they were arrested for protesting against free speech.

      2. Maybe if you used both of your levers you wouldn’t have dropped it.

        1. Et tu, Bee Tagger?

          *narrows gaze*

    3. Just make sure to hit the Target.

  2. 168) This is maddening. Maryland passes a law increasing penalties on adults who provide under-21s with alcohol, but because it doesn’t put such parents in jail for a year, critics are upset.
    “Never before had Sen. Robert A. Zirkin, chairman of the Maryland Senate’s Judicial Proceedings Committee, stopped in the middle of a hearing to take a vote on a bill.”
    Yeah, that’s how you get the best legislation.
    ?others say the amended legislation?no longer does what it was originally intended to do: discourage parents from hosting parties for teenagers where alcohol is provided.
    How about you let parents raise their kids as they see fit?
    [Congressman] Fraser-Hidalgo said that given the link between drinking and sexual assaults on college campuses, he did not understand “why we’re so worried about defending 21- and 22-year-olds.”
    Hey, fuck those asshole 21-year olds. We should put ’em all in jail.
    [Fraser Hidalgo] said he will continue his fight against underage drinking next year, and will sponsor new legislation to improve Alex and Calvin’s law.
    It never ends.

    1. Nothing protects the children like throwing mom and dad in prison and making them wards of the state.

      1. Or throwing a college senior in jail because he bought a case of Oxtail for some college sophomores.

    2. These people are sick.

    3. How about you let parents raise their kids as they see fit?

      That’s exactly what they’re doing.

      Oh wait, you mean ‘raise their kids as [parents] see fit’?

      Well, that’s just crazy talk.

      1. When will people realize that they don’t “own” their children? The government does.

    4. Is there any other country in the USA that does this sort of draconian non-sense? I know that in most of Europe and South America, no one shits their pants over a 17 year old having a glass of wine. We’re a sick fucking society. Just another reason to not even have kids or even go around them in this sick fucking country.

      1. outside the USA…

        first cup of coffee

        1. Well, a glass of wine can get you in real trouble in Saudi Arabia.

      2. Other than countries that ban alcohol, I don’t think so. Hell, in most places in Europe, nobody shits their pants over a 12 year old having a glass of wine. A lot of them have 18 drinking ages now, but it seems like just a recommendation.

        1. In many parts of Europe beer and wine drinking age is 16, 18 for spirits, and with family at home, no law applies.

      3. 17?

        We were drinking wine and espresso by the time we were five.

        No kidding.

        As part of our breakfast before school my mother would crack an egg and whisk it with Marsala.

        In any event, you don’t see the sort of drunkenness in the Mediterranean (outside Portuguese fisherman – I witnessed a brawl between them in which my cousin was spotted in the middle of it – it was hilarious – anywhoo) like you do here or Northern Europe mostly because, I think, of how they treat alcohol/coffee.

        1. More like getting our first tastes and sips by five that is.

          1. I’m more concerned about the flavor of raw egg and wine. That does not sound appealing in the slightest.

            1. It was delicious because of the Marsala. And it gave you that nice little kick. /wink.

          2. +1 “Sure, have a sip, kid. It’s barley pop.”

            1. It’s traditional to give Jewish boys a taste of wine at 8 days of age (as part of the circumcision ceremony–DON’T START!!!!!!).
              And certainly most children old enough to partake in Friday night Shabbat celebration at the dinner table get a sip of wine (I certainly remember tasting the wine before I was ten).
              I’d love to have some of these assholes bust a Jewish family gathered around the table for Shabbat, or, hey, how about the Passover Seder, this coming Friday night. That would make great press…

              1. serious question: How do teenagers take communion? Or does transubstantiation negate the need for law enforcement?

                1. There’s a religious exemption, probably because the wine is shite.

                  1. It would have to be state by state

            2. When I was 15, mom gave me Crown Royal and Coke for my girly cramps. Worked like a charm!

        2. Most of northern Europe (not sure about Scandinavia, seems like they might be more strict) seems to be pretty relaxed about alcohol too.

          1. And living in Germany I didn’t see a lot of public drunkenness, either. Except during Oktoberfest and even then it was all lighthearted fun. This is what you get when you raise kids to drink responsibly.

          2. Finland isn’t (you can only buy beverages over 4.7% alcohol from state alcohol stores), thus the popularity of kilju.

            1. Well, strictly speaking they aren’t really Scandinavia.

        3. My dad gave me a sip of whiskey when I was 6. Or as they call it where I come from: breakfast.

      4. Is there any other country in the USA that does this sort of draconian non-sense?

        Well, don’t suggest it’s religion. Because it can’t be religion. Religion is never the cause of anything bad. Unless it’s Islam and then it’s the cause of everything bad.

        1. This one isn’t about religion. It’s about Control

          1. ^^ I think he meant that seriously.

  3. Chinese drone companies comply have a cozy relationship with their government.

    How many articles will Friedman get out of this?

  4. Satanism is on the rise.

    You know who else rose?

    1. DRACULA!

    2. Vikings?

    3. The South, at least once?

    4. Satanism is on the rise.

      No it isn’t. The article itself isn’t even about Satanism. It is about an atheist protest against Christian influence in government.

      1. Lighten up, Francis.

    5. Mr. Mojo

    6. Gojira?

    7. Cream and bastards?

    8. Ron Jeremy?

    9. Def Leppard?

  5. The co-founders of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream were arrested for protesting on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building, in part against Citizens United and corporations using money for political speech. The men posted this political message on their corporate website.

    Their political speech is virtuous and correct.

    1. Yeah, it’s only the other guys who should be arrested for political speech!

    2. They should have a new flavor called ‘Cognitive Dissonance.’

    3. They should have a new flavor called ‘Cognitive Dissonance.’

      1. Also, Squirrel Nut Crunch.

        1. * grabs pellet gun & checks back yard for squirrels *

          Nuthin

        2. Peanut butter icecream with chocolate covered squirrel balls. pass.

  6. Well she was wearing a short skirt…

    Pro-Immigration Bishop Tells Congress That US Has ‘Raped’ Central America

    That’s when the bishop ? the first Hispanic woman elected to her position at UMC ? launched into an attack on U.S. foreign policy, blaming it for a situation that has forced Central Americans to flee their homes.

    “Immigrants want to stay home,” she said. “They’re not able to stay home because we’ve undermined their economies. We have raped their lands.”

    “I would restate that most immigrants want to stay home. But they can’t feed their families,” she continued, adding that the U.S.’s involvement in Central America has harmed their economies “in disastrous ways.”

    “We’ve been involved in their politics in ways that have undermined their countries and left their societies in shambles.”

    1. The lands were asking for it

    2. The actual governments of Central America of course had nothing to do with the current state of their economies. We know America is responsible for every ill in the world, great or small.

      1. Banana republics were a real thing. Of course, the US hasn’t been that involved for some time now. Most of the blame should fall on the local governments, but US involvement historically probably hasn’t helped.

        1. Oh hell, Japan and Europe recovered from WWII faster and better than Latin America recovered from US meddling.

          1. Was the US funding Japanese death squads or something? I think it’s ridiculous to say all of Central America’s ills are (still!) due to US meddling, but the comparison is quite different.

            1. Was the US funding Japanese death squads or something?

              Other than 1941-1945, not so much.

            2. How could funding a death squad possibly be worse than literally annihilating entire cities?

              1. Seriously, funding death squads was worse than dropping nukes on them!

              2. War is hell. Everything done in war even if perfectly justified and necessary is completely shitty and horrible.

                Do we really have to make sure we have all of the bad things in the world ranked correctly before we can say they were bad?

                1. Do we really have to make sure we have all of the bad things in the world ranked correctly before we can say they were bad?

                  Of course death squads are bad. That’s not in dispute.

                  You’re missing the point. If a death squad is bad for your economy 30 years later, then one would think a nuclear bomb would be worse. Yet, that doesn’t seem to be borne out. Which points to the economic problems not being caused by the funding of death squads decades ago.

                  1. Well, yeah. Obviously Japan and Europe had some other things, like being industrialized before the war and getting lots of assistance from the US, that allowed them to recover relatively quickly.

      2. Yep. It’s not like Venezuelans voted for their commie government in free and open elections. It was all those Americans wreckers hoarding TP that made it so Venezualans have to use Pesos to wipe their asses.

    3. I want to beat that bishop.

      1. I think the proper euphemism is “flogging the bishop.”

        1. I was always fond of ‘polishing the bishop’.

          /double entendre?

      2. Sorry, that was OT and just thinking out loud.

        1. That’s ok, we were all thinking it.

      3. Flog. You don’t beat a bishop, you flog them.

        1. Now you are advocating torture.

      4. Pawn takes bishop, check mate.

        1. I thought he meant “palm takes bishop”

  7. Watching porn is like “smoked sexual arousal,” warns The Blaze.

    That’s it. I’m naming my next band/recipe/dog/child Smoke Sexual Arousal.

    1. Smoked

      1. I prefer mine salted.

    2. Does that make it the Gouda of pleasures?

      1. *narrows gaze and salivates

    3. Does this mean I’m gonna have to go out to the little shack 100 feet from the door before clicking some of the links around here?

      /that might be one of those euphemisms

    4. Come on! It is 4/20, and you can’t even get a decent pot joke out of this?

      1. Fuck that, dude. I’m too stoned.

    5. from now on, I shall refer to watching porn as “getting my lox on”

    6. They are coming for porn next. UK already is outlawing many forms of porn and is now “worried” about the popularity of anal sex. http://www.independent.co.uk/n…..80041.html

      1. Whoa whoa whoa, I thought that only icky American rednecks from the South were concerned with what other people do in their bedrooms…? I thought that Europeans were all enlightened, forward-thinking people who are 100 percent tolerant of alternative lifestyles!

  8. Watching porn is like “smoked sexual arousal,” warns The Blaze.

    Kin-ky. ///Hedley Lamar

      1. That’s not much of a crime.

  9. Bernie’s best performance tonight came in Clinton County…

    Is this a euphemism for something?

    1. Too bad for Bernie that delegates aren’t chosen on the basis of geography……WOW.

      http://www.cnn.com/election/pr…..tes/ny/Dem

      1. Looks like a target map for nukes.

  10. Why Facebook gave the boot to The Shade Room

    The removal of a popular gossip website’s Facebook page has alarmed some in digital media, but the social media giant told CNNMoney that it was taken down due to “repeated” intellectual property violations.

    It’s Facebook’s policy to “disable the accounts of people who repeatedly infringe others’ intellectual property rights when appropriate.”

    Angie Nwandu, the founder of The Shade Room, indicated on Monday that the site has drawn warnings from Facebook in the past, but she said “nothing was posted that violated any rules to my knowledge.”

    “We have been targeted on [Facebook] and have been receiving numerous reports over things that don’t violate the terms,” Nwandu told Nieman Lab. “The amount of reports have been excessive.”

    1. Putting a caption and blinky shit on a screencap does not qualify one for a copyright.

      1. Wrong.

        All websites and their content are inherently copyrighted, provided they are original works. Whether you decide to complete copyright registration for your website is your choice. If the content of your website is valuable to you, financially or otherwise, or if you feel you need to protect your website and its contents for legal reasons, then taking a few minutes to register the copyright to your website is probably worthwhile.

    2. Titled “why facebook gave the boot”, but we never really hear why. We get a claim of intellectual property rights and a counter-claim of “nuh-uh”, and something about an excessive number of complaints.

      So what was the “why”?

  11. leave the section blank if the child is non-binary.

    Will someone please think of the robot children?

    1. 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101100 01100100 01110010 01100101 01101110

      1. Half a mind to double up, baby
        Three times is jive

  12. The Secret Shame of Middle-Class Americans: also called how I learned to stop worrying and live beyond my means:

    Since 2013, the federal reserve board has conducted a survey to “monitor the financial and economic status of American consumers.” Most of the data in the latest survey, frankly, are less than earth-shattering: 49 percent of part-time workers would prefer to work more hours at their current wage; 29 percent of Americans expect to earn a higher income in the coming year; 43 percent of homeowners who have owned their home for at least a year believe its value has increased. But the answer to one question was astonishing. The Fed asked respondents how they would pay for a $400 emergency. The answer: 47 percent of respondents said that either they would cover the expense by borrowing or selling something, or they would not be able to come up with the $400 at all. Four hundred dollars! Who knew?

    Well, I knew. I knew because I am in that 47 percent.

    Where have I heard that 47% number before?

    1. The percentage of dogs who have never had the good fortune to ride on the roof of a car?

    2. The Fed asked respondents how they would pay for a $400 emergency.

      Respondents asked the Fed how it would pay for a $40T emergency.

    3. The percentage of countries in the world whose immigration agencies have Shoot On Sight orders for Warty?

      1. No, no! Don’t do that, you will only make him angry!

        1. +1 Candy-gram

    4. The percentage of the commentariat whose moms have a shameful secret involving Epi?

      1. Corrollary –The percentage of the commentariat who think they have a shameful secret involving Epi’s Mom?

        /No secret, she tells everyone

    5. The percentage of Irish’s vocabulary that is made up of racial slurs?

    6. If you can’t come up with $400, you are not actually middle class.

      1. If someone wants to identify as middle class who are you to tell them they can’t, you cis-het shitlord?

        1. Given the current state of affairs, I will have to concede your point.

      2. Don’t know who wrote that headline, but “middle class” is not found in the article.

      3. No it just means you don’t save and love credit card debt. Doesn’t say anything about your income and what lifestyle you could live if you managed money properly.

        1. If you don’t save, you’re poor.

    7. What a whiny little bitch. What, do you want a fucking hug because you couldn’t take five minutes with a spreadsheet to sit down and figure out a budget? Maybe fifteen seconds on Google to research some basic financial tips? Here’s an idea for the 47% of people who can’t come up with the $400, ask someone how to do it. Talk about it. Figure it out. Don’t sit there and wallow in shame because you’re too much of a prideful moron to figure out some basic math. I wish people would ask for advice from those around them (and follow it) instead of just bitching about who has what and letting jealousy get in the way.

      I hate people like this guy.

      1. Like this.

        I’m only poor if you overlook net worth. Being able to budget for emergencies separates man from the beasts.

        1. Even some of the beasts have nest eggs

          1. *shakes finger*

            Oh, you.

      2. So true about that. Ask. ONE person asked me despite all this experience under my belt. My brother in law on how to deal with his mother’s estate/holdings. We’ve had nice talks about things and where he veers off like this moron, I bring him back in line.

        I give him tips and advice on what to ask the advisor etc.

      3. Here’s an idea for the 47% of people who can’t come up with the $400, ask someone how to do it.

        I did. The answer was, “Have your ex-wife and her lawyer killed.”

    8. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

      /keynesian and monetarist klowns

    9. the poorest among us, who, by definition, struggle to make ends meet

      Jesus Christ, does no one know what “by definition” means?

      1. The poorest among us, who, by definition, have the least wealth…

        1. Good, someone does.

    10. $400? That’s pretty sad. I have at least twice that much left on my credit card!

  13. Motorist Crashes Into Walmart, Blames God

    According to police, Crystal Marshall, 34, intentionally drove her 2007 Ford Focus into the Walmart in Camden, a city 35 miles east of Columbia. Surveillance footage shows Marshall driving in the parking lot before she turned and plowed “directly into the building.”

    When officers arrived on the scene around 8:30 PM, Marshall was standing in the middle of a crowd “screaming and causing a disturbance.”

    Asked what happened, Marshall “began to speak of how the ‘rapture’ was coming,” a patrolman reported. The suspect added that, “God told her to do it,” police noted.

    1. She should’ve said it was a protest against Walmart’s corporate policies and she’d have tons of people donating to her defense fund.

    2. …and she immediately received German citizenship from Merkel.

    3. Do we have any reason to believe that God didn’t tell her to do it?

      1. My undetectable magic teapot tells me that she’s lying.

  14. Bernie Sanders Was Asked to Leave Hippie Commune for Shirking, Book Claims
    Sanders’ ‘endless political discussion’ distracted the hippies from their work

    Bernie Sanders was asked to leave a hippie commune in 1971 for “sitting around and talking” about politics instead of working, according to a forthcoming book.

    Sanders’ idle chatter did not endear him with some of the commune’s residents, who did the backbreaking labor of running the place. Daloz writes that one resident, Craig, “resented feeling like he had to pull others out of Bernie’s orbit if any work was going to get accomplished that day.”

    Sanders was eventually asked to leave. “When Bernie had stayed for Myrtle’s allotted three days, Craig politely requested that he move on,” Daloz writes.

    1. This is too perfect. Also, reminds me of the scene in Easy Rider where the two scummy drug-dealers who are the alleged stars are kicked out of the commune for laziness.

      1. Stars can be anti-heroes too.

      2. the alleged stars are kicked out of the commune for laziness.

        Didn’t they move on because they fucked one of the girls?

      3. Why do you say “alleged” stars? Are they not really on the screen for 95% of the movie?

    2. Wow, he was even a worthless leech among hippies.

    3. No one has to work in the utopia. A magical dear leader provides all and no one has to pay!

    4. What the proles didn’t realized is that Bernie was Party Member. Work is for the proles.

      1. “Comrades,” he said, “I trust that every animal here appreciates the sacrifice that Comrade Napoleon has made in taking this extra labour upon himself. Do not imagine, comrades, that leadership is a pleasure! On the contrary, it is a deep and heavy responsibility. No one believes more firmly than Comrade Napoleon that all animals are equal. He would be only too happy to let you make your decisions for yourselves. But sometimes you might make the wrong decisions, comrades, and then where should we be? Suppose you had decided to follow Snowball, with his moonshine of windmills? Snowball, who, as we now know, was no better than a criminal?”

        1. I prefer Tavarish. Fewer people recognize it.

    5. Me too if I was lazy I’d rail against a system that demands hard work in order to get rewards.

      1. Not all lazy people.

        I’m lazy and I know the problems associated with it are my own damn fault.

  15. while still “holding down his margins in friendlier upstate areas,”

    I just know this is a slam on some group or region of new york, I may need to consult twitter to find out the specifics.

    1. It’s the NYT’s delicate way of saying that Bernie has a black-people problem.

  16. Watching porn is like “smoked sexual arousal,” warns The Blaze.

    This is really unclear, but I’m going with this being a good thing. Right? Right?

    1. Reading the Blaze is like smoked…something that makes you stupid. Liquid Mercury maybe?

    2. So, when it’s smoked, can we call it “jerky”?

    3. lox

      Or at least it smelled like fish.

  17. Whole Foods is planning to sue gay pastor who is suing company for allegedly writing homophobic slur on cake order

    Guy’s a fucking liar, though. Store cameras pretty much prove it. And how the hell does one take a cake from the bakery and walk to the register without even noticing the very predominantly written “FAG” on the cake? Only a blind person would not see that.

    1. It was obvious from the start this was fake. I’m happy to see Whole Paycheck reacting so strongly and suing the guy.

    2. Watched the video.

      The local reporter had to get some quotes for her story. So she goes up to random folks on the street and says (off camera) “They are saying that this pastor faked the gay slur cake thing, what do you think about that?” Then says people are “now wondering if it was all a hoax” and plays the response quote.

      Not entirely shady…. but not really accurate journalism either. It really looked like the immediate response from the folks featured in her story was “huh? I never heard of this before.”

    3. “We stand behind our bakery team member, who is part of the LGBT community”

      Idiot forgot to make sure the person he was accusing was straight, accuses queer person of being a homophobe.

      1. He also made the rookie mistake of picking Whole Foods, of all places, instead of a regular grocery store. Who the hell buys a homo-hating baker at Whole Foods?

  18. something something happy to see me.

    There’s a global banana crisis

    The disease — known as “Panama disease” or “Fusarium wilt” — has already spread from Asia to parts of Australia, Africa and the Middle East. It specifically affects the Cavendish banana, which is the fruit that consumers in the West are accustomed to eating.

    The United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization warned this month that the $36 billion banana industry must act “to tackle one of the world’s most destructive banana diseases.”

    An earlier strain of the Panama disease wiped out what had been the most popular banana variety in the 1960s, the Gros Michel. Producers subsequently adopted the Cavendish banana, which was deemed an inferior product but was resistant to the disease.

    1. Apparently the Gros Michel banana was far tastier than our modern bananas. I’ve always wondered what they must have tasted like. My Indian friend tells me when he was a kid, his mother would never send him to the market with an order just to “buy bananas,” she would have to specify which of the dozen or more available varieties he should purchase.

      1. I always thought bananas were a lot better when I was a wee tyke. Never knew about the change in variety.

        1. I have noticed that bananas taste bland lately. But I grew up in the 70s so not sure if I got the good ones growing up.

          1. The Gros Michel ones were gone by the 60s, I think.

            1. You can get Gros Michel bananas in Asia.

              1. Gone from US and European markets, I mean. Growing up in the 70s, the standard banana would be Cavendish.

          2. According to Wikipedia, the Gros Michel tasted more like the standard artificial banana flavor.

      2. Artificial banana flavor is closer in flavor to Gros Michel bananas.

        FYI, there are some farms still growing Gros Michel bananas.

    2. That’s been a looming crisis for some time now. People are working hard to develop new varieties that hold up to transport, but it seems to be a difficult problem. There is little genetic diversity because they almost never produce viable seeds.

  19. Target says use whatever bathroom you want.

    That doesn’t mean you can use any URL you want.

    1. apparently cn.com is not a website.
      (thanks)

    2. Can we use any UPC we want at Target?

  20. The co-founders of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream were arrested for protesting on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building…

    Wait, I had something for this… Prior Restraint Pistachio

    1. [golf clap]

    2. Free Speech Melba.

  21. Man fatally shot while photographing people firing guns

    An Anchorage man was shot and killed Saturday while filming or photographing people firing guns in Sutton, according to Alaska State Troopers.

    “Investigation revealed Malaby had stepped in the line of fire while attempting to video or photograph others shooting and was shot by another individual that was firing a .40 caliber pistol,” troopers wrote.

    1. Did the photographer not attend a single rage safety seminar?

      At my range, nobody is permitted forward of the firing line unless all guns are down and clearly in a safe state. I somehow doubt this is a unique rule

      1. That is a universal rule. I bet the moron didn’t know it and stepped out after the shooting started. The shooters assumed no one would be that much of an idiot so they didn’t expect it and thus never saw him coming.

        I bet the first thing that went through the shooters mind was confusion and then an emphatic “WTF were you thinking???”

        1. I remember watching a NatGeo thing where they were filming the underwater cameraman filming hippos (IIRC) where at one point one of the hippos started getting aggressive and afterwards talking to the cameraman. He said that you get this mindset sort of where you’re the camera and all you’re aware of is The Shot. You don’t think about the fact that you’re the man behind the camera so it took him several seconds to wake up to the fact that he was about to get attacked by a hippo rather than just thinking “oh, this is so cool, I’m going to get some great film of an attacking hippo”.

          I’d bet we’ve all (almost at least) done something that afterwards you think “boy, that was really stupid, I could have gotten hurt” but at the moment you were so focused on what you were doing that you weren’t paying attention. Not quite the same thing, but not long ago I was baking something, pre-heated the oven and prepared whatever it was I was making, opened the oven to put it in and there’s the big cast-iron skillet in the oven. Obviously, I have to take the skillet out to put the pan in and I’ve only got one free hand so I reached in to take the skillet out – about half a nano-second before I grabbed the skillet with my bare hand my brain said “oh, this is going to hurt”. And it did.

      2. It’s even the rule on archery ranges (or rather a similar one ? bows down/on the ground).

    2. attempting to video or photograph others shooting

      Well, did he get the shot?

      1. It seems he did?

  22. College students arrested after Tim the Turkey stolen from school and found injured, smelling of beer

    The 5-year-old turkey was found bruised, missing feathers and sporting a series of abrasions as well as a broken toe on a street near Chapman University, agriculture teacher Patti Williams told the Orange County Register.

    After Williams took him to a veterinarian, she learned that his “chest and air sacs are compromised.”

    “He smelled like beer and had been wet; his feet were damaged and his whole tail plump had been ripped out,” Williams said, adding that he also had a black sticky substance on his head.

    1. Well fuck those guys, expel and file criminal charges.

      1. Dean Peterson: “I’m sorry, boys. I’ve never expelled anyone before, but that pig had some powerful friends.”

        Richard Nixon: [angrily lecturing the nerds] “Oh, you’ll pay. Don’t think you won’t pay!”

    2. “Grab its fucking turkey leg!”

    3. The turkey reportedly repeated “cluck me, cluck me” but the drunk students misunderstood.

    4. Turkeys actually make really sweet pets. Fuck those idiots.

      1. Hens not Toms.

        Toms can be dinner (even though they don’t taste as good) for all I care because they can be assholes. Not to the level of our Foghorn rooster but still, that is a high bar.

        1. Domestic turkeys can be so dumb that they drown in a heavy rain.

          That’s a trueism.

  23. “Asking 4 year olds what gender they identify with? PC madness. At 4, I thought I was a dog!” wrote one person on Twitter.

    A boy or a girl dog?

    1. My niece used to defiantly say, ‘I’s a boy’ and didn’t like being called a girl. We used to tease her too – because that’s how we role in this family.

      Now she’s pushing 5’11 at 18 and quite the little, sore-losing athlete but she’s all woman.

      1. quite the little, sore-losing athlete

        “Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.”

        1. So they stopped teaching sportsmanship?

          1. That’s different. I always teach her and my daughter to always lose with dignity and respect your opponent.

            You can be a sore loser but a gracious one.

      2. PICS YOU ASSHOLE

    2. Don’t confine xer to your narrow-minded binary-ness!

    3. That is a bitchy question

    4. 4 year olds don’t know anything about anything. I’m all for trans people living their lives how they want to, but it seems kinda crazy to ask a young kid who knows little or nothing about sexuality.

      1. That’s why they’re asking four year olds.

        They’ll get a higher number of biologically non-correlating answers than if they asked adults (especially given the 0.3% value for the United States).

        They want fuel for their narrative and don’t care how mendacious they’re being or the damage they’ll do to the children through future abuse.

      2. I’m not so sure about that. My cousin refused to wear dresses and got angry when she was called pretty around that age.

        She came out a couple years ago.

        1. Came out as what?

          And if a kid insists on something like that, that’s one thing. Going out of your way to ask them seems unnecessary.

  24. “Satanism is on the rise.”

    Finally Hecubus gets his libertarian moment:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4FQoznrVwU

  25. In other news we have completely lost our fucking minds:

    Once he returned from that penalty, he responded to a trip off the faceoff by Alex Steen by jumping him and then going after anything in a St. Louis sweater after the final buzzer sounded to signal a 4-3 Blues’ win in Game 4, giving them a 3-1 series lead. Shaw was given two minor penalties and a game misconduct, even though the game had ended.

    In between these incidents, Shaw may have done something very, very regrettable. Here’s Shaw in the penalty box, shouting at the officials: Yes, it appears our hero is screaming “[expletive] [gay slur], [expletive] you!” to the referee or another passerby on the ice. He also appeared to say it before going to the box.

    lol when did we become such incredible pussies. Lets call for someone to be suspended based on reading lips, no room for error there.

    1. I’ll just leave this here.

    2. Go Blues! ?

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  27. Mitsubishi Motors Admits to Manipulating Fuel Economy Test Data

    The company said it tested the vehicles using tire and air resistance that yielded better fuel economy than the actual rates. The mishandling of the test data was “intentional,” said President Tetsuro Aikawa, who bowed in apology before a briefing in Tokyo Wednesday.

    Mitsubishi Motors is also checking whether the cheating affected overseas models and said it was unable to estimate the impact of the manipulation on its business at this point. Separately, the company said it has used a method to test mileage since 2002 that is not compliant with Japanese standards.

    Nissan, which sells the eK model as the Nissan DayZ in Japan, had discovered the discrepancy in mileage. The company has suspended sales of the DayZ and DayZ Roox models Wednesday until Mitsubishi Motors provided further clarification, said Jonathan Adashek, a Nissan spokesman.

    1. By the time this is all over it’s going to come out that nearly every car company has been scamming the emissions tests.

      1. Yep. And people are not going to question whether those standards were realistic and achievable. No, they are just going to raise the cost of automobiles and give government more money with which to cause mischief.

      2. Surprisingly, it turns out that the laws of physics can’t be altered or regulated by bureaucrats.

      3. Well, duh. The way the road test the mileage is in large convoys all going the speed limit on roads in the state where they’re designed (or in this case, the country).

    2. Aikawa now has to commit seppuku with a windshield wiper.

  28. Buzzfeed: The pernicious myth of the voluntary slave soldier of the Confederacy

    A 160-year-old tintype depicting Andrew Chandler and his slave Silas, both in Confederate uniform, has long been used as evidence that slaves willingly fought against the army that aimed to free them. Following the national backlash against Confederate iconography, Silas’s descendants seek to debunk this once and for all.

    Interesting read.

    1. Ummmm, why wouldn’t a slave fight voluntarily? There was about four million slaves. Odds are strong that at least a hundred of them were happy with their lives and willing to fight for it.

  29. Those “Gay” Lions Are Actually Queer, Thankyouverymuch

    Bad news first: The buzzkills at National Geographic have debunked accounts from Mic, the Huffington Post, and photographer Nicole Cambr? that called the lions males. Apparently, it’s more likely that the bottom lion is a female with a mane, a common sight in Botswana, where Cambr? took the photos on safari.

    But there’s a silver lining to this traditional P-in-V love story?namely, that it’s not so heteronormative after all! A biologically female lion with a mane is a gender ninja, a masculine-of-center nonbinary lion, or some kind of fabulous drag king. This genderqueer savanna cat will not hem in its gender presentation to conform to your suffocating boxes or your feel-good assimilationist gay love story. This male top is actually maybe vers, and just because his sex partner isn’t femme doesn’t mean he’s gay. Just because his partner was assigned female at birth doesn’t mean he’s straight, either. Botswana’s lion scene has achieved a level of queerness the modern LGBTQ movement should strive to reach.

    1. Listen, slate moron, cats have pheromones. The male knew full well he was fucking a hairy female, and she knew full well he was just a male. Your own delusional identity mush does not survive contact with reality.

      1. I feel like the Slate writer is trying to be funny.

        It’s not working. But I don’t think they’re serious.

      2. Funny how gender dysphoria becomes a trendy disorder to have, is all of a sudden pervading all niches in nature. Waiting for the article about how we should apply the lessons of pond scum to how we view heteronormative binary pairing something something.

      3. The male knew full well he was fucking a hairy female

        That’s not actually the case:

        In fact, while they are treated as females within their own prides, outside their family group they are thought of as males, which appears to make it easier for them to fend off hyenas and rival males.

    2. Women with mustaches, queer too!

    3. What bathroom does that lion use?

    4. WTF does that second paragraph even mean?

      1. It’s drivel meant to deny the fact that it was simple, straight mating.

  30. Watching porn is like “smoked sexual arousal,” warns The Blaze.

    I, too, worry about secondhand jizz.

  31. Lena Dunham, Susan Sarandon Talk Endometriosis: “Medical Research Is Really Misogynistic”

    On Tuesday night, Lena Dunham made an impassioned plea for a particular type of medical research ? endometriosis.

    “Medical research is really misogynistic,” she said while being honored at Padma Lakshmi’s Blossom Ball in New York City, citing that the uterine disorder affects 10 percent of women but the National Institutes of Health spent less than $10 million on its research.

    “They have sunk far more money into diseases that affect far fewer people, and I think we all know that’s because of stigma that surrounds reproductive health in this country,” she continued. “Let’s give to a cause that may not seem sexy or essential to some, but hey, what is sexier or more essential than vibrant healthy women?”

    1. Dunham hit the Pier Sixty stage after a “weep fest” from Williams’ introduction, but also shared a comical take on the condition. “I’d like to start by thanking my uterine tissue for growing in places where it shouldn’t, give a shout out to my fallopian tubes for their hard work, my ovaries ? you know I love you, ovaries, even though you’ve acted pretty bitchy and weird for the last 15 years ? and most of all, my bladder and urethral sphincter for really holding up through some rough times this year. My team’s been amazing this year, and I gotta give love to my team.”

      ha ha

    2. Sorry Lena, we spent all the money on AIDS and breast cancer research.

      1. So, does AIDS help in fighting breast cancer?

        1. No, and it doesn’t help fight prostate cancer either. But we shut down cities for 3 days to save the ta tas. I don’t see similar fundraisers for dudes #1 killer.

          1. Just more of that Male Privilege.

            1. A Breast exam is a lot more fun than a Prostate exam.

              /Fight the Matriarchy!

      2. Money spent on breast cancer research is just further evidence of the patriarchy. If breast cancer caused women’s breasts to get bigger, you can be sure that no man would be funding research for a cure.

  32. *narrows gaze*

    Swiss anger at Muslim boys over female handshake snub

    The brothers, aged 14 and 15, who are sons of a Syrian political refugee granted asylum in 2001, had informed education officials in the northern municipality of Therwil that physical contact with women who are not family members violated their interpretation of Islam.

    On Tuesday, authorities in the canton of Basel-Country where Therwil is located, said that naturalisation proceedings for the family had been put on hold.

    The report also noted that such suspensions are common in citizenship procedures as authorities often require supplementary information about the families concerned.

    The two boys had been exempted from a Swiss custom of pupils shaking teachers’ hands, with Therwil officials instructing them to avoid contact with male teachers as well to avoid gender discrimination.

    1. Of all the reasons one might get angry if Islamic customs differed from one’s own, this seems like it should be pretty far down the list.

      1. Looks like they’re about to get a hard lesson about not assimilating. Good.

      2. After seeing some dudes with bones in their noses roast and eat a human it is pretty hard not to take a dim view of people with bones in their noses.

        1. #NotAllDudesWithBonesInTheirNoses

      3. It’s only far down the list because of relativity to the more egregious customs, which are bountiful.

    2. The Swiss are very touchy about immigration…

      1. I think the problem here is no touchy…

    3. What if I don’t want my kid to shake the teacher’s hands because they’re already bringing enough disease home from school without the teacher trying to maximize virus transfer around the class.

      1. Then they would probably also refuse to touch male teachers’ hands?

    4. you know who else didnt want to shake hands with the swiss.

  33. British educators are asking parents to help pre-schoolers choose their gender identity themselves and leave the section blank if the child is non-binary.

    Just write in “limey” and everyone will get the picture.

    1. non-binary= crazed millennial attention seeker. Though for an exceedingly, vanishingly, minuscule amount of people you might use that term for a hermy. So few people, in fact, that it’s not worth adapting standardized forms.

  34. Portugal’s Example: What Happened After It Decriminalized All Drugs, From Weed to Heroin

    Though often narrowly assessed in reference to its decriminalization law, Portugal’s experience over the last decade and a half speaks as much to its free public health system, extensive treatment programs, and the hard to quantify trickle down effects of the legislation. In a society where drugs are less stigmatized, problem users are more likely to seek out care. Police, even if they suspect someone of using drugs, are less likely to bother them. Though at least 25 countries have introduced some form of decriminalization, Portugal’s holistic model and its use of dissuasion panels sets it apart.

    The rate of new HIV infections in Portugal has fallen precipitously since 2001, the year its law took effect, declining from 1,016 cases to only 56 in 2012. Overdose deaths decreased from 80 the year that decriminalization was enacted to only 16 in 2012. In the US, by comparison, more than 14,000 people died in 2014 from prescription opioid overdoses alone. Portugal’s current drug-induced death rate, three per million residents, is more than five times lower than the European Union’s average of 17.3, according to EU figures.

    1. When I was knifed in Portugal, the other person in the ER was a junkie with a blown vein. We split a six pack while we waited and no one even said boo. Nice guy.

      The mugger, fwiw, was also a junkie.

      Basically, legalization came with some yucky parts too.

      1. What are the odds that the junkie with the blown vein would have gone untreated and died for fear of arrest in another country?

        Junkies mugging people for drug money is not something caused by legalization, unless there was a spike in the number of incidents.

        1. I was not suggesting any one-sided interpretation at all. Just saying that the place was lousy with junkies. I am very pro legalization if it needs to be said.

          It was 2002 I think, and there was a bit of a post-legalization spike in crime, mainly from what people said were Moroccan immigrants.

          Neither here nor there… But libertarians are as guilty as anyone in wanting to downplay the ‘costs’ in any policy cost-benefit analysis. I think it’s because so many are smug about the ideological superiority that they poo poo the details as less important

          1. “…spike in crime, mainly from what people said were Moroccan immigrants.”

            I see.

            1. A “spike” implies temporary. Did crime return to the previous levels? Higher? Lower?

              1. Dunno, i was on vacation, not conducting sociological research. Look it up. I would buy am on phone at moment

              2. It looks like immigration from Africa and the crime rate have been steadily declining since the mid-90’s but the prison population has been steadily increasing at about the same rate.

                Fewer criminal types walking around apparently results in fewer crimes committed. From what I can tell the legal status of drugs has a tenuous connection to any of that, at best.

                1. Aggressively hunting down drug dealers, on the other hand, is known to cause spikes in crime.

          2. the place was lousy with junkies

            I would suspect that when they decriminalized everything that they got a huge influx of junkies, which I’m sure was just fine with neighboring coutries still hanging on to prohibition. Then the prohibitionists in other countries point to this phenomenon as evidence that decriminalization leads to increases in addiction, etc.

            1. Sort of like how when you’re the only country in an area to legalize prostitution, all the surrounding prostitutes come to your country and anti-prostitution advocates claim that each and every one of them is a sex trafficking victim for the purposes of propaganda.

            2. “”I would suspect that when they decriminalized everything that they got a huge influx of junkies, “”

              Prolly. As noted lots of Moroccans. Don’t know how long that effect persisted if at all. Locals had mixed opinions of the policy, obv. Tourism was poor at the time.

    2. You mean not everyone ran out and became drug addicts? But drugs take away your free will. They are special. Right?

      1. PUBLIC SAFETY!!1!!!!

        1. In the interest of safety for the public and the police, we have mandated that officers remain barricaded within the station house for the duration of their shifts.

    3. I, for one, would do fewer illicit drugs if I lived in a country with cheap port and legal Cuban cigars.

    1. That link must be a lie. Barry assured me that this would never ever happen.

      1. “Most transparent president in history!”

  35. DPRK News Service ?@DPRK_News 10h10 hours ago
    Socialist insurgent Bernard Sanders purges disloyal followers, retreats to Vermont for bloody guerilla struggle against capitalist betrayers

    1. Patrick from Popehat is a national treasure.

  36. I’m concerned about Winston. He’s whining in 3D now.

  37. VW ‘Dieselgate’ software developed at Audi in 1999: report

    VW, Europe’s largest automaker, admitted in September it had manipulated the engines of around 11 million diesel cars, including its VW, Audi, Porsche, Skoda and Seat brands.

    Engineers at Audi developed software capable of turning off certain engine functions in 1999, but it was never used by the VW luxury division, the newspaper said in an advance release of an article due to be published on Wednesday, which cited industry and company sources.

    Six years later, when VW engineers at the firm’s Wolfsburg headquarters were unable to bring nitrogen oxide emissions below legal thresholds, they started to install the software developed by Audi, Handelsblatt said.

    1. You know things are kooky when Europeans think your environmental regulations go too far

      1. They also violated EU regulations AFAIK and will have to pay out the ass to the European regulators as well.

        Of course, there is a difference between the engineers in Europe who know these targets are unrealistic and the other 99% of the population who outnumber them in an election.

  38. Ben and Jerry are retards.

    1. PROMOTE THIS COMMENT!

    2. take my money. tweet your twitters from the tops of mountains!

    3. Yeah, I like their ice cream, but won’t buy it because I don’t want to support them. And there are better ice cream makers nearby.

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  40. “Supervisor Jane Kim wants City College to be free of charge”
    […]
    “City College of San Francisco could become free for all students under a proposal floated Tuesday by Supervisor Jane Kim.”
    http://www.sfchronicle.com/bay…..ate-result
    (paywalled)

    It’s no surprise that Kim is a lefty, totally ignorant of the consequences of her free shit, such as the value of a degree from a ‘free’ school.
    But there’s more. She also proposes free transportation and free child care for ‘students’
    And then, there is this quote:
    “We may not be able to stop the luxury housing market here in San Francisco, but we can certainly ask those that are buying homes above $5m and above $25m to pay more”.
    In a city supposedly starving for housing, she wants to ‘stop’ the luxury market, I guess so all the folks who might buy those end up competing with the those who buy in the cheaper market.
    What a lovely combination of stupidity and class envy!

    1. We can finance it by garnishing the pay of the city supervisor.

    2. Our K-12 public schools are free already. Does that mean I can stop paying my property taxes?

      1. Only if you’re okay with the local thugs rousting you from your home.

  41. “The co-founders of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream were arrested for protesting on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building, in part against Citizens United and corporations using money for political speech. The men posted this political message on their corporate website.”

    Bwahahahahaha!! A corporation protesting against corporations engaging in political speech!! That is GLORIOUSLY hypocritical!!

    1. They were protesting wrongthink

  42. The co-founders of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream were arrested for protesting on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building, in part against Citizens United and corporations using money for political speech.

    So heroic. There are so few leftist agitators willing to stand up and signal their superior morality fight for the people!

  43. Watching porn is like “smoked sexual arousal,” warns The Blaze.

    Is this a call for a federal ‘War on Porn?’

    Didn’t Glenn Beck declare an inclination towards libertarianism a few years back, saying he ‘wanted to learn?’ It appears that he has failed at his studies.

    1. He still claims to be a libertarian. Just like he claimed to be one when he steadfastly supported Rick Santorum. Glenn Beck is a joke.

      1. Glenn Beck slurps Santorum? But of course!

      2. Like 95% of libertarians, Glenn Beck means he is in favor of smaller government for himself and only for himself.

        1. Like 95% of libertarians

          Citation needed.

  44. I expect Reason will soon be covering this incident at UC Irvine –

    “The celebration of Freedom Day was scheduled to end with a screening of the new documentary “Can We Take a Joke”, a film suggesting that free speech has come under siege in an ever growing culture centered around political correctness. However, Hubbard says that upon announcing the event, organizers began receiving threats of protest. 40 minutes into the film a fire alarm was pulled forcing the event to be canceled altogether.”

    1. I think the protestors answered that question.

  45. Good article by Andy May about the Exxon Papers in Judith Curry’s blog.

    I’ve reviewed the 22 internal documents from 1977 to 1989 made available by ExxonMobil here. I’ve also reviewed what I could find on 104 publications (most are peer-reviewed) with ExxonMobil personnel as authors or co-authors. For some of the peer-reviewed articles I only had an abstract and for some I could find the reference but no abstract or text without paying a fee.

    […]

    Between 1977 and the fifth IPCC report in 2013 ExxonMobil Corporate Research in New Jersey investigated the effect of increasing CO2 on climate. If they withheld or suppressed climate research from the public or shareholders, it is not apparent in these documents. Further, if they found any definitive evidence of an impending man-made climate catastrophe, I didn’t see it.

    […]

    At the heart of Schneiderman’s accusation, according to the NY Times, is a list of statements made by ExxonMobil executives that he believes contradict the internal memos summarized below. The statements are reported here. In fact, the internal memos and documents listed below, do not contradict the ExxonMobil executives in any way.

  46. The co-founders of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream were arrested for protesting on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building

    Ben and Jerry will be commemorating their arrest with a new special edition Prison Grape flavor

    1. Oh, they’re special, people like them don’t go to *that* kind of prison.

    2. My hat is off to you for that wonderful joke.

      1. I stole it from @midnight

    3. Orange is the New Chocolate.

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