Donald Trump

Tonight! Anthony Fisher on Fox Business' Kennedy

Along with the party panel, I help pick the right comics to send to fight ISIS.


Tune into Kennedy tonight at 8p ET (re-airs at 11p ET)

Wearing a different tie tonight.
Fox Business Network

on the Fox Business Network (FBN) where I'll be joined by FBN's resident Southern foul-mouthed dynamo Dagen McDowell and ex-CIA guy Mike Baker on the party panel.

Scheduled topics include the spat between Republican National Committee chair Reince Priebus and Donald Trump, as well as the possibility of NBA players being covered in advertising.

The pièce de résistance, however, will be the epic panel discussion on which comedians are the real heroes we need to fight ISIS.

Tune in and leave comments about my tie!

NEXT: High School Shames Student for Writing Politically Incorrect Essay It Knew Was Satire

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  1. You know who else has been on Kennedy?

    1. Some libertarian dude from Reason before she dumped him?

  2. Let’s send Seth McFarlane and his whole manateam to Syria.

    1. “I don’t like when minorities tell me that I can’t understand racism because I’m white. I go, ‘No, you can’t understand racism ’cause you’re not white; I hear the shit they say about you when you leave the room.’ ”

      Tell me that guy ain’t going.

      “They say if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day, but if you teach a man to fish…. then he’s gotta get a fishing license, but he doesn’t have any money. So he’s got to get a job and get into the Social Security system and pay taxes, and now you’re gonna audit the poor cocksucker, ’cause he’s not really good with math. So he’ll pull the IRS van up to your house, and he’ll take all your shit. He’ll take your black velvet Elvis and your Batman toothbrush, and your penis pump, and that all goes up for auction with the burden of proof on you because you forgot to carry the one, ’cause you were just worried about eating a fucking fish, and you couldn’t even cook the fish ’cause you needed a permit for an open flame. Then the Health Department is going to start asking you a lot of questions about where are you going to dump the scales and the guts. ‘This is not a sanitary environment’, and ladies and gentlemen if you get sick of it all at the end of the day… not even legal to kill yourself in this country. Thanks again, John Ashcroft, you weird bible addict, can’t even handle your own drug. You were born free, you got fucked out of half of it, and you wave a flag celebrating it.”

      Maybe not.

    2. Either he defeats ISIS with the power of formulaic, interchangeable sight gags, or he dies horribly.

      Wow! It’s win-win.

    3. I don’t know if sending a party of mages is humane; you risk too much collateral damage.

  3. Will Mike Baker be able to jostle together enough words to form a complete sentence? Tune in to find out!

  4. Roll that beautiful bean footage!

    1. It’s like you’re not even trying anymore, Anonabot.

  5. Off topic, but … have any of you actually talked to some of the Bernie kids? I got an opportunity recently and holy fucking batshit these people are delusional and you cannot talk to them. One percenters! Billionaires! Free this, free that, free fucking everything and it’s free! No one has to pay for it, just tax the rich!

    I give the fuck up, I hope Bernie wins and he’s able to implement every single economy killing suicidal policy that he’s ever dreamed of in his wildest commie dreams. I’ll be on the beach.

    1. . have any of you actually talked to some of the Bernie kids?

      my buddy’s wife is a big Bernie-booster. I think its her full-time career at the moment.

      I like her. We have fun. Every now and then she’ll get serious and ask me what I think of X…. and i am reminded that she’s batshit crazy and has no idea how the world works. Even remotely. I mean, forget it.

      in the aftermath of 9/11 she was a pretty committed truther. I managed to talk her out of that…. by around 2008 or so. Maybe 2006. It took a while in any case. I think when Obama took office she lost interest in being convinced that the Government was trying to kill her and Hide The Truth etc.. Now she’s all for Government Solving Everything.

      1. Seriously, fuck these idiots. Here I am right now, at 8pm working on a project. I’ve been working since 8:30am this morning with my only break being grabbing a quick bite to eat, at my desk, and going to the store to grab milk because I’m out.

        And this is what it takes to have a decent amount of things that I want from life. Am I going to work like this if they take half my income to support a bunch of delusional idiots? Fuck no, I’ll be done along with a lot of other hard working Americans. Good luck with what’s left of your economy, Bernie morons.

    2. … have any of you actually talked to some of the Bernie supporters?

      I had a possible opportunity while grocery shopping earlier this month, Hyperion, when I noticed a woman wearing a Bernie Sanders tee-shirt.
      However, I reasoned that my Cthulhu attire might make me seem frivolous in her estimation.

      1. Best shirt of the 2016 season.

        1. #NoLivesMatter is pretty awesome

        2. Also, This =

          Curse Your Enemies


          Curse your enemies! Let them know the wrath of Cthulhu will hound them at the End of Days. Guarantee that once elected, Cthulhu will eat your enemies last.

          Makes a great holiday or birthday gift!

          INSTRUCTIONS: Submit the name, state and city (optional Twitter handle) of your target via the “Order Notes” field at Checkout. After purchase, your enemy’s name will be added to The Cursed for all to see.

        3. You may be correct, Gojira, although my preferred Cthulhu attire is less constrained, as it will not include a specific date.

          E.G., a bumper sticker I may or may not have on my preferred means of transport:Timeless

          1. I want the Vermin Supreme shirt. I want to totally troll these retards. FREE FUCKING PONIES FOR ALL!

            1. I may be able to arrange this for you, Hyperion.

              Alternately, you have enough free will to arrange it for yourself (ponies Ponies PONIES!).

              Together, you yourself can fight the decay.

              1. This shirt is FREE, right?

  6. “”Wearing a different tie tonight.””

    Damn right you are. Friends don’t let friends mix patterns

  7. Since this is a magazine called *Reason,* I suppose you all support this? /sarc

    “This week, Rep. Mike Honda (D-Calif.) and Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton, a Democrat who represents the District of Columbia in the U.S. House of Representatives, introduced a resolution to create a secular alternative to the National Day of Prayer. The one-time occasion, known as the National Day of Reason, would be observed on Thursday, May 5, the same day as this year’s National Day of Prayer. According to the resolution’s authors, the National Day of Reason would provide an opportunity for the religious and non-religious alike to come together and recognize “the importance of reason in the betterment of humanity.””

    1. I don’t, it’s stupid. Atheism has become to Philosophy, what Walmart-bashing is to Economics. “Ooh, look at me I shop at WholeFoods you stupid slaves of the Beast of Bentonville. La di dah. Oh and by the way you’re destroying the planet by your masters quest for efficiencies of scale and logistics. I am so better than you, yet I feel oppressed.” Blargh.

      1. Dont confuse atheism with the demoralized progressives. Honest atheism is the result of aggressive banishment of cognitive dissonance. It does not lead one to the progressive creed nor does it lead one to hatred of the religious or of religion itself.

        These people you are talking about who loudly proclaim themselves to be atheists yet engage in more and worse cognitive dissonance and less self awareness than many religious people. They are truly vile creatures.

        1. This is true. And the type you describe is the kind that never shuts the fuck up about atheism. It’s become the brand.

          I don’t believe in God. I didn’t one day deny his existence and feel smug about it forever more. The belief just never took hold. I don’t hate religion. Actually, I realize my lack of religious belief probably handicaps my understanding of Western culture, but then, hey, nobody understands it anymore!

          My non-belief in the existence of a deity is about as interesting a personal fact as me not understanding the rules of cricket. I don’t get it, but I’m not going to keep talking on and on about how I don’t get it. A billion people find it fascinating. Let them have their fun.

          1. The belief just never took hold. I don’t hate religion. Actually, I realize my lack of religious belief probably handicaps my understanding of Western culture


            I used to hate religion – then I grew up.

          2. I don’t believe in God. I didn’t one day deny his existence and feel smug about it forever more. The belief just never took hold

            So basically, you’re Catholic

            1. LOL – me, I *am* Catholic, but not from birth, not by choice, and not practicing.

            2. I found out I was supposedly a Lutheran when, on a road trip through Germany with my parents, we stopped at Wittenburg. Nobody present could paraphrase, summarize, get the gist of a single one of the 95 theses. We looked at the bronzed commemoration of the event for a while, and then drove on.

    2. Their referring to definition 6b: because.

      The reason is [because] fuck you, that’s why.

  8. Those lucky Yazidis, they don’t have to worry about microaggressions or chalk, or about which bathroom best respects their individuality.

    1. You’d think opium would be more profitable.

  9. This is what *real* oppression looks like.

    “LAWRENCE [NJ] ? A small group of student protesters interrupted the inauguration ceremony of Rider University’s new president with chants of “Students before profits.”

    “Gregory Dell’Omo took office Aug. 1, but was formally installed as the university’s seventh president on Friday….

    “In late October, only months into his new post, Dell’Omo announced plans to slash 13 majors and one minor and eliminate more than 20 jobs to help close its $7.6 million deficit.

    “The move would have forced 123 freshman and sophomore students to transfer or change majors, but the cuts were avoided when, weeks later, the faculty’s union agreed to a two-year wage freeze and other concessions.”

    1. Why not just submit to the protesters demands and raise tuition for everyone?

      1. And the trees will all be made equal thereby.

        1. Completely unrelated to the topic at sight: I appreciate the links you provided days ago when I asked for general assistance, since it does seem that the safeguards I had installed recently needed a degree of fine-tuning.

          I apologize if you weren’t acting in good faith.

          1. I apologize if you weren’t acting in good faith.


            if you mean the FBN livestream link, no worries.

            Someone had posted that here back when the Indys were on and i had it in my bookmarks. There was no surreptitious plot to hijack your computer and utilize it in a complex plot to blackmail PewDiePie I SWEAR.

            1. It was in no ways a ‘complex’ plot.

        2. The Oaks are selfish one percenters, Maples hardest hit.

      2. raise tuition for everyone

        Yeah, that’ll shut ’em up.

    1. I just found out about this yesterday. I thought I was going to have to do my taxes Friday night. Now I can do them Monday night!

      1. Irish celebrates District of Columbia Emancipation Day because the law which Lincoln signed appropriated money to voluntarily resettle black people outside the U.S.


        1. As a tax baby, I could not be happier to have my night back.

  10. To thy tents, O Israel!

    “Duke student Lara Haft has been living in a tent outside of the Allen building on Duke University’s campus since Friday night.

    “She was one of the students who participated in the sit-in to protest against racism and employee abuse they say exists on campus….

    “”It’s really not a problem financially. It’s a choice for them to raise minimum wage. It’s a choice for them to keep minimum wage below a livable wage,” said student Danica Liu.”

    1. livable wage, affordable housing…all expressions used in ineffable ignorance.

  11. Line by line, how the US anti-encryption bill will kill our privacy, security

    From the UK Techie site The Register…..ll_is_out/

    Legislators: clowns, evil clowns.

    1. They sleep, yet they never seem to stop.

    2. “Covered entities must provide responsive, intelligible information or data, or appropriate technical assistance to a government pursuant to a court order.”

      I wonder if someone could explain to me how unfunded mandates to private entities does not constitute slavery.

      Feinstein really is an evil bitch.

    3. TL;DR but this sticks out:

      any person who provides a product or method to facilitate a communication or to process or store data.

      OMFG – that is every software developer in the country. If I’m understanding this right, it will *destroy* the economy. Nobody will trust their data to any company, and no company has the ability to hire an additional army of developers to respond to nosy courts.


    1. That’s damn good.

      1. Agreed. Sturgill is fantastic.

        1. timg27272 weeks ago
          The only problem I have with this is the idea of Courtney Love getting paid for it.?

          1. I’m going to pretend I didn’t know that. YouTube comments are good for nothing.

  12. Instead of sending comedians, why not translate the killer joke into Arabic and then have Special Forces play it on loudspeakers? For greater safety, the translators should not see more than one word at a time.

    1. OT, but Ted Cruz was on the John & Ken show in LA last week. Co-host John put his high school son on the line to ask Ted a question. John’s son asked Ted if carpet bombing ISIS would make the US just as evil as ISIS. Ted gave a rehearsed point-by-point military strategy answer, but he did not answer the morality question. Ted is no John Brown, thankfully. But I was curious about the this devout Christian’s evaded of the topic of the question.

      1. He might have been too polite and sensible to insult his host’s kid.

        Maybe Trump would say something like “ha ha, you sure are retarded, and that’s putting it charitably,” but maybe Cruz doesn’t want to insult Junior while proud Dad is sitting right there in the studio.

        1. ‘Son, I say, son. Carpet bombing is what the A-rabs do from their flying carpets.’

      2. The Geneva Convention of 1977 states that carpet bombing of cities and towns is a war crime.

        If it is wrong for ISIS to kill civilians, it is wrong for the US to do the same.

        1. Did ISIS sign on to this? John’s kid is asking a question about the morality of total war. You are also evading it.

          The Union army burned crops to the ground during the late stages of the Civil War causing mass starvation. Right or wrong?

          1. Total war, you say.

            And then a jaunty trot to the Civil War, which was not a total war nor was total war required at the time.

            Look, we could keep going until someone’s brought up Mongolian hordes and the migration of the Gauls, but it would save a bunch of time if you could define a few strict parameters.

          2. Total war, you say.

            And then a jaunty trot to the Civil War, which was not a total war nor was total war required at the time.

            Look, we could keep going until someone’s brought up Mongolian hordes and the migration of the Gauls, but it would save a bunch of time if you could define a few strict parameters.

          3. Ending a war decisively seems a pretty good choice compared to letting it fester for decades.

            1. How, exactly, would carpet bombing end the “war” against ISIS decisively?

              1. Who knows? I’m pissing in a wishing well.

                1. I’m of the opinion, that unless you are going to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit, “wars” against insurgencies/guerrillas/terrorists are unwinnable in the conventional sense. They don’t stand around, out in the open, to let you complete the kill chain.

                  Not advocating we do that. But if you aren’t willing to go that far to win, you should prolly stay home, as you are not going to win. Oh, you can punish a group for their actions by killing a bunch of them when you find them in one spot…but fighting to obtain an unconditional surrender is a pipedream.

      3. John’s son asked Ted if carpet bombing ISIS would make the US just as evil as ISIS.

        The correct answer to this question is this =

        “Son, Obama has been utilizing (quote un-quote) “targeted” drone killings over the past 8 years which have killed hundreds and hundreds of civilians and does so 90% of the time drones are used. And yet we have achieved effectively zero strategic result from this approach, and our enemies are not the slightest bit dissuaded. is that ‘humane’?

        What i proposed was not indiscriminate bombing intended to simply mow-down populations.. but rather bring the full force of military might down on ISIS in a way that will send a completely different message = mess with the bull? YOU GET THE HORNS”

        (rousing applause and band strikes up “God Bless America”)

        sadly, no one listens to me

        This whole “carpet bombing” thing is stupidity piled on ignorance. Obama just deployed B52s to the region. That’s basically what Cruz et al were suggesting = “more ordnance”.

        1. The B-52s sent to the region are simply going to replace the B-1s, that have been there since the onset. And the only reason for that is that the B-1s need to stand down in order to complete a major upgrade. The B-52s being sent is actually a downgrade in firepower to the region, but it makes for good publicity for a platform that should have been retired 15 years ago (or more). And neither platform “carpet bombs” anymore. They drop PGMs against point targets, with very few exceptions.

          1. And neither platform “carpet bombs” anymore. They drop PGMs against point targets, with very few exceptions

            Wasn’t suggesting they were. The stories i’ve read suggested the main benefit was for extended loiter time.

            My point was simply in the “War of Rhetoric” its hard to claim that your opponent is advocating “excessive and indiscriminate” force when you yourself are utilizing 500lb+ bombs dropped from 10,000+ feet. You can call it “point targets” all you want, but 100s of lbs of conventional explosives being dropped from way on high isn’t exactly ‘surgical’ warfare, regardless. Each side in the argument merely postures for some perceived rhetorical high-ground, nothing more.

            1. From the debate, it was clear that Cruz had no idea what carpet bombing actually means. I think, he thought that term meant “a higher rate of ordnance expenditure” when it actually means indiscriminately dropping bombs within the confines of a given area, usually with the intention of demoralizing the civilian population.

              So when he used that term, he didn’t mean actual carpet bombing, but now he’s stuck with it. Walking it back makes him look like an idiot for not knowing what he’s talking about.

              The accuracy of those weapons is as surgical as you can get from the air (24 ft CEP, unclassified) and…how else ya gonna do it? To further reduce collateral damage (among other reasons) they developed the GBU-39 which is a 250 pound bomb, but it’s only integrated into a couple of platforms. There are other ways to decrease the collateral damage, but yes, dropping bombs on people kills bystanders no matter how hard you attempt to minimize it. But the collateral damage done with PGMs is a very small fraction of that of dumb bombs.

    2. “Instead of sending comedians, why not translate the killer joke into Arabic”

      The Clown Wars

    1. Plans, plural. Definitely plural.

    1. Maybe he could hire the sheepfucking lawyer.

    2. We’re going to open up those libel laws.

    3. I am shocked, shocked I tell you, that a prosecutor’s office would refuse to pursue charges against a former state police officer!

      1. The grand jury has its hands full with the plague-legions of feral super predator ham sandwiches.

  13. A drunken Jew goes into a bar and punches an ISIL fighter in the nose and says, ‘That’s for 911!’
    ISIL guy replies, ‘But Al-Qaeda that did that.’
    ‘Al-Qaeda, Al-Shmaeda, Taliban, Shmaliban, Isis Shmisis, you’re all the same.’
    ISIL guy decapitates the Jew and says, ‘That’s for sinking the Titanic!’

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