Free-Range Kids

Man Asks Girls If They Are Selling Girl Scout Cookies. It Was Plausible. Cops Were Called.

If a man wants to buy Girl Scout cookies, from Girl Scout-aged girls, during Girl Scout cookie season, he must be a predator.

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Cookies
Dreamstime

Let's hear it for the Caledonia, Wisconsin police, who are alerting neighbors in the proximity of something truly terrifying: A man who spoke to two girls without getting out of his  car.

Perhaps the best thing about this story is the headline, from WDJT in Milwaukee: "Potentially Suspicious Man Asks Girls about Buying Girl Scout Cookies."

Is "potentially suspicious" even a thing? Aren't we all potentially suspicious? Anyway, here's the story:

Caledonia Police Department notified residents that a man suspiciously was asking two girls if they were selling Girl Scout cookies on Tuesday.

Hmm. How do you suppose you ask a question suspiciously? Do you "heh heh heh" after posing your query? Do you put "cookies" in air quotes? Do you have an insulin needle in your arm, suggesting that you actually do not eat cookies? It really doesn't matter. All that matters is the hypothetical danger (boldface mine):

"As the intentions of the male are not known, and may in fact be nothing more than what it seems on face value, his actions were suspicious enough for him to contact his police department. Since we were not able to speak with the driver, we do not know if his intentions were as innocent as they appear to be or a ruse for something different," said the Caledonia Police Department in a release. 

The father of the two girls reported the incident occurred on Tuesday around4:45 PM in the 4400 block of West Johnson Ave.

Two girls, ages 7-years-old and 11-years-old, were standing at the end of a driveway.

A red Ford Ranger, extended cab with stickers in the back window stopped in the street and the driver, a dark haired white man asked the girls if they were selling Girl Scout Cookies. The girls said they were not and the subject left the scene. This incident was witnesses [sic] by the father of the two girls who reported the incident to us.

Here's Skenazy's rule of thumb: When something is called an "incident," assume nothing happened at all. An incident is only an incident if it wasn't a crime, a melee, a disaster, or an attack. In fact, I'd venture to say an incident is almost always a non-incident.

And yet the police are considering this one a teachable moment:

"We are letting the public know what happened so this can be a teaching incident for the families of our community." 

Teaching what? Teaching kids that if someone asks you a question, you should immediately alert your parents? Or teaching parents to re-enforce their children's dread of strangers by immediately calling the cops? 

Well, both actually: 

Please remind your children how to handle contact with strangers when they are approached," said Caledonia Police Department. 

If you have had an incident like this police are encouraging you to contact 886-2300. 

So remember: If something bad has not happened to your children, please call the police. Because this is how to handle contact with strangers: Freak out, summon the authorities, and have them freak everyone else out, too.

Just a reminder from the folks who need you to be scared: your local cops.

NEXT: Ten Reasons to Defect From North Korea

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  1. Aren’t we all potentially suspicious?

    Yes. We are literally all potentially suspicious.

    1. Some of us more than others.

      1. The problem is when “potentially suspicious” crosses over into “potential terrorist”.

      2. Anything you need to tell us about this incident, OMWC?

        1. /looks up innocently and whistles

    2. I gotta black Nissan Sentra only from working part time off a macbook. read the article CHECK IT HERE????? http://www.elite36.com

      1. A Sentra? You fucking baller!

    3. I always put the word “cookies” in “air quotes.” I’ve found that using “air quotes” “enhances” my “sprinting” abilities as I “flee” for my “life” from “social gatherings.”

      1. Your “comment” made me “laugh”.

      2. I always put “penis” in air quotes so that the kids know that I’m really talking about cookies

      3. Actually, that was the point, to the concerned father: the meaning of the word. Was he looking for cookies or “cookies?”

    4. We are also all potential murderers, thieves and jaywalkers. Human potential is an amazing thing.

    5. isn’t that how they treat all gun owners, as potential mass shooters because you never know who will snap next

    6. my friend’s mother makes $78 /hr on the laptop . She has been without work for nine months but last month her income was $14664 just working on the laptop for a few hours. site link????????????? Click this link http://goo.gl/JNLxe5

  2. How do you suppose you ask a question suspiciously? Do you put “cookies” in air quotes?

    “Your wife — Does she enjoy … ‘photography’?”

    1. A conversation with implied air quotes can be great fun if everyone is “in the mood”.

    2. Your daughters, are they a go’er? Eh?

      1. Wink, wink; nudge, nudge; say no more, eh?

      2. I’ll bet they *are*!

    3. “Candid” photography?

  3. They need to arrest this cookie loving sicko, drag him to a back room, beat him with a hose, and have him charged with assaulting a police officer. That’s how true professionals would handle it.

  4. Do you have an insulin needle in your arm, suggesting that you actually do not eat cookies?

    SugarFree to the white courtesy phone!

  5. Want to meet a girl? come on http://goo.gl/mxiosK
    the Best adult Dating site!

    1. But “are” you “selling” “girl” scout “cookies”?

      1. I think that is just “selling” “girl”.

        1. In that case, I’ll take a box of Samoans.

  6. While I think there is definitely some over-reaction by the police here, I wouldn’t say the concern is totally unwarranted. Was there any indication that the girls were selling cookies? Were they in a girl scout uniform? Were they sitting at a fold out table with boxes of cookies?

    If the answer to all of those question is “no” then why on earth would an adult male think it would be a good idea to stop his car and engage with two young girls who were by themselves? Like that is a monumentally stupid thing to do.

    1. Were they in a girl scout uniform?

      They were *potentially*!

      1. The scouts who delivered our cookies this year were plainclothes. They did have cookies though, which was enough of a giveaway.

    2. Were they in a girl scout uniform?

      Oh god, I hope so.

      I’ll be in my bunk.

        1. Disturbing amount of silicone.

          1. She’s way too old for you.

            1. So are you. And your pitiful little beard would tickle.

    3. Did he make any attempt to abduct them? If not, nothing to see here, move along.

    4. Can you imagine if he had….asked for DIRECTIONS?!!!
      The horror, the horror….

      1. “imagine” if he had “asked” for “directions”

        (see how it’s done)

      2. “Excuse me, do you have the time?” is the new “How much for a handy-j, sweet cheeks?”

    5. Thank you for reinforcing the notion that any interaction I may have with a young person I am not familiar with is a ‘monumentally stupid thing to do.’ The next time I see a child in distress, I’ll be sure to run the other way as any attempt to help this person will surly subject me to a type of scrutiny I have no desire to invite.

      1. Sadly, you are not really exaggerating. These idiots are actually creating an atmosphere where children are more likely to be hurt because men will be unwilling to risk helping them when they are in distress.

        1. Sadly, I already am – if I see a kid in trouble, I first look around to see if I can engage parent/guardian/security guard.

          I’m not a real-life Warty, damn it!

      2. Next time you see a child in distress, make sure there is actually a reason to believe that they are in distress before throwing your cape on and jumping into action.

        There was no reason for this guy to believe these children were selling cookies, engaging them on something as frivolous as cookies when there are no adults present looks really creepy, and if you believe otherwise than more power to you. But if I were, say, standing across the street mowing my lawn when this took place, and witnessed a vehicle with an adult male in the drivers seat stopping to talk to two children, I would have every reason in the world to think it was suspicious.

        1. Watching too much of Law and Order: SVU isn’t ‘every reason in the world.’ Child abductions – they are pretty damn rare. So your paranoia is always a small probability.

        2. I know when I go out kidnapping young girls for the virgin sacrifice rituals, I make sure I look for young girls in a location where there’s a neighbor across the street mowing his yard who can watch me force the girls into my car and get a good description of me and the vehicle and the tag number and can call the cops within moments of the abduction taking place.

        3. Who knows what the guy was thinking? But what we do know is that he asked his question, got an answer and drove away. Is there any reason to believe that there would have been a worse outcome if they had been selling cookies? (Sorry, “cookies.”) If he had ill intent, why did he simply drive off after their answer instead of, say, grabbing one of them?

          It sounds to me like the thing that kept these kids from having anything horrible happen to them was that they were never in any danger in the first place.

        4. How is it that you, an adult male, just happen to be out “mowing the lawn” while two young, unaccompanied children are innocently playing only yards away?

          How often does this sort of thing happen? If we asked your neighbors, would they wonder why you were just standing there, staring at little girls across the street?

          Do you have children? We’re going to need to speak to them.

          1. I do have a child. And if I looked out my window and saw that my child was conversing with an adult male, I would absolutely go outside to find out what the nature of the interaction was.

            Sorry, I guess I’m psychotic.

            1. If, after you determine that the nature of the interaction was as described in the article, you proceed to call the police, you are psychotic.

              1. I don’t think I would call the police. It would honestly depend on what the guy looked like. What I most definitely do is ask the guy if he thought it was a smart idea to pull over and ask two children he didn’t know if they were selling cookies.

                1. Here’s a thought: What if they had been girl scouts, and the answer was, “yes, we do have cookies we’d like to sell you”?

                2. What if it was an attractive woman instead of a man. Think about it and come to grips with your bias.

                3. What if it was a woman who asked the question instead? Or do you only believe that it is men who shouldn’t interact at all with unknown children?

                  I think the bigger problem is your paranoia, and not some guy asking children a perfectly innocuous question.

            2. And then you’d call the cops?

        5. Next time you see a child in distress, make sure there is actually a reason to believe that they are in distress before throwing your cape on and jumping into action.

          Yet you’re the type of person who is going to call the cops, in an abundance of caution, when you see a 10-year old alone in a parked car. Because having a conservation with the child to see if there is actuall an issue would be a monumentally stupid thing to do, and, well, you can brag on facebook about what a sanctimonious twat you are. Posting video of the licence plate or, better yet, a confrontation with the parent will surely make you a viral sensation.

          In order to raise my children to be productive and well adjusted members of society, I encourage them to interact with people they don’t know.

          1. Do you encourage your fellow adults to interact with children they don’t know? I never said the guy should be hauled off to jail, I said what the guy did was monumentally stupid, which it was, proven by this very story that we are discussing.

            It’s perfectly reasonable to ask a child you feel might be in danger if they are ok or need any help. It’s is absolutely moronic to ask a child you don’t know, who isn’t with an adult, if they are selling cookies. If he had stopped his car and asked if they were lost, or they needed to use his phone to call a parent, fine. He stopped to interact with two unknown little girls to see if they were selling cookies, when he had no reason to believe that they were.

            Honestly, the risk he took, as an adult male, for cookies, makes me think he is an idiot. I cannot imagine any reasonable person, being the hypothetical passenger in this car, would encourage the drive stopping to ask for cookies.

            1. You are a pants-shitting retard. You’re the Ghost Hunter of parents.

        6. No you wouldn’t have “every reason in the world to think it was suspicious.” Stranger abductions of children are vanishingly rare. Because of this insane paranoia most children are never permitted to play without immediate adult supervision, never allowed to walk a few blocks to a store, and they are growing up stunted because of it.

      3. A couple months ago I was driving and saw a girl, 14-15 YO, walking home from school in a torrential downpour. I started to pull over and offer her a ride home, then I considered the potential/likely fallout from my offer and kept on going.

        1. Probably the right move. Generally, accepting a ride from someone you don’t know is just a bad idea…giving a ride to someone you don’t know an almost as bad idea. And that’s regardless of the ages of the people involved.

          1. Best for everyone concerned to leave dangerous work like riding in cars to the proper authorities.

            1. Who would never abuse their “authority” and molest or rape a teenage girl in their “care” or “custody”. Like, ever.

            2. Or I just choose not to give hitchhikers a ride, lest I end up stuck in a car with some jackass who completely misses the point of simple statements.

              Why don’t you go fuck yourself with your “Everyone else is a statist” fetish? They’re not…you’re just stupid.

        2. I recommend you watch the movie ‘An Education’, where something like this happens, and unfortunately it doesn’t turn out well for anyone. Except, eventually, the girl. And it’s based on a true story.
          That being said, I agree with the majority view here that folks are grossly overreacting to something that was virtually certainly harmless.

      4. That’s been my policy for a long time. If I see a child in distress, and I can’t quickly find an adult woman or law enforcement officer to alert, the kid’s SOL. I’m not going to take a chance.

    6. why on earth would an adult male think it would be a good idea to stop his car and engage with two young girls who were by themselves? Like that is a monumentally stupid thing to do.

      Do you realize how monumentally stupid it is for two young girls to even be out by themselves without an adult male family member with them? And I’ll bet these whores weren’t even wearing burkhas. How could you, as a responsible adult male, not stop your car and engage with these two in order to warn them of the horrifyingly dangerous behavior they’re engaging in by stepping outside their houses without an armed escort? You’re the monster here!

      1. Honest question, do you not think the man’s actions were strange? Take all the gum-flapping about free-range parenting out of it. Randomly asking two children, by themselves, if they are selling cookies, when there is no reason to believe that they are? Odd, no? A peculiar thing for an adult to do?

        Like if you were a passenger in this guy’s car, and he is driving a long and says to you “oh look two little girls, I wonder if they are selling girl scout cookies, I bet they are, I am gonna pull over and ask!” Would you not advise against that action? Or even try to qualify the action by saying “they are just standing there, they probably aren’t selling girl scout cookies.”

        1. So what does any of this have to do with calling the police?

          1. I think I have said a few times that it is not my position that this guy should be hauled off to jail. Doesn’t make what he did any less stupid. The stupidity alone is a reason for suspicion.

            This is also the great dilemma of our society. The neighbors of the San Bernardino terrorists didn’t report their suspicion for fear of being labeled a racist, terrorist attacks are rare after all. You may not report a this odd interaction between an adult male and your 9 year old daughter, for fear of being labeled a paranoid helicopter parent, and child abductions are rare. You are in a lose lose when they goal is to protect your child, in that case I would err on the side of caution as the rationale for this man interacting with my daughter would be mind-boggling to me.

            1. I agree with you. It’s an odd interaction if the girls aren’t wearing Girl Scout uniforms so I don’t actually fault the parents for being suspicious. It could be absolutely nothing, of course, but I don’t think calling the police to mention it was a particularly egregious overreaction. That said, I think the police, by making a big deal out of something that so far has turned out to be absolutely nothing, definitely overreacted and behaved kind of stupidly.

              Yeah, it’s nice that the public gave you a tip. Unless it led to something, who fucking cares?

            2. Men shouldn’t be thrown in prison for speaking to other people’s children? How very broad-minded of you.

              The “great dilemma” is that that people think it’s appropriate to summon the men with guns to mediate trivial interpersonal activities. And that people think that a guy asking about cookies warrants the same level of concern as neighbors with a garage full of weapons and explosives.

              If you’re really suspicious then take responsibility for your concerns. Walk across the street and speak to the neighbor kids and make sure that they’re OK, Or walk up to the suspicious car with the suspicious driver and say, “Hi, can I help you with something?”

              Why would you not do that? Why, would you instead choose to “report” vague suspicions to anonymous people far away?

              1. Men shouldn’t be thrown in prison for speaking to other people’s children? How very broad-minded of you.

                I thought so, although you seem offended by that position

                The “great dilemma” is that that people think it’s appropriate to summon the men with guns to mediate trivial interpersonal activities.

                I don’t believe that parents being cautious and passing a tip to police when someone is acting odd around their kids is a stupid thing to do. I think the police should have just shut up about it when there’s no evidence that an actual crime had been committed, but that’s not the parent’s fault.

                You seem to take offense at the idea that police are involved in pretty much any aspect of life, which would seem to make you rather narrow-minded.

                1. no matter what you get the police involved in it increases the chances of someone getting shot, so being against involving police in any situation is a totally reasonable opinion

                  1. no matter what you get the police involved in it increases the chances of someone getting shot, so being against involving police in any situation is a totally reasonable opinion

                    That has to be one of the most stupid things I’ve ever read here.

                    1. That has to be one of the most stupid things I’ve ever read here.

                      Just hang around for awhile. You’ll see a few anarcho-capitalists whose fetishes take them from being justified skeptics of the state into lunatic fringe territory. That’s not all of the an-caps, of course…plenty of them are very intelligent and rational in their debates. Eman doesn’t appear to be one of those.

        2. “Honest question, do you not think the man’s actions were strange?”

          Ehhhhh, no not really.

          Look, I know it’s spring in a lot of other areas of the country, but up here in Wisconsin, instead of Spring we have MORE WINTER. I’m the only person I know who isn’t still wearing a coat outside, and that’s just because I’m insane and part Latvian, therefore immune to the cold.

          And, from my time in the Scouts in this state, the modus operandi for selling fundraising stuff is to go door-to-door, and there’s a mandatory buddy system in place for safety. And with the weather in Wisconsin for the past few days, I can’t imagine much kids actually playing /outside/. Snowing, sleeting, hailing, on and off, at random intervals. That’s what Wisconsin is like right now, and I for one would have no interest playing outside if I were a kid.

          So there is NO way to tell if they’re wearing a uniform or not, because winter coats. They are outdoors when most kids are indoors. They were wandering the neighborhood as a pair, as if in a buddy system. There was indeed a /chance/ that they were going door selling cookies.

        3. Randomly asking two children, by themselves, if they are selling cookies, when there is no reason to believe that they are?

          You’re assuming facts not in evidence.

          I read nothing in the article or the linked news story that indicates that his stop was random and that he had no reason to believe that the girls might be selling Girl Scout Cookies. If nothing else, they are young girls which are all potentially Girl Scouts and it is currently Cookie season.

          Yeah, in our current climate, it is a dumb thing to do (evidence: this new story), but that’s entirely because America has become a nation of paranoid cowards that assume the worst of a situation instead of defaulting to neutral until evidence shows otherwise.

          1. If nothing else, they are young girls which are all potentially Girl Scouts and it is currently Cookie season.

            Just as all women are potentially prostitutes, and it’s always sex season, so offering any woman who catches your fancy money in exchange for sexual favors makes perfect sense.

            And all people are potentially criminals, and crime never takes a holiday, so it makes perfect sense for law enforcement agencies to investigate, surveil, follow, etc random citizens, just in case.

            And…..

            Yeah, that’s some pretty idiotic reasoning.

            1. Just as all women are potentially prostitutes, and it’s always sex season, so offering any woman who catches your fancy money in exchange for sexual favors makes perfect sense.

              And all people are potentially criminals, and crime never takes a holiday, so it makes perfect sense for law enforcement agencies to investigate, surveil, follow, etc random citizens, just in case.

              Well played, sir. 🙂

        4. They were down at the end of the driveway, a place where kids typically set up “Lemonade” stands and coffee tables upon which to place the Girl Scout “cookies” they’re trying to pawn off on unsuspecting, naive males driving by in cars.

    7. “I wouldn’t say the concern is totally unwarranted. ”

      I would say that. But that’s because, unlike you and the police and the parents, I don’t assume every adult male is a child rapist just waiting for his moment to strike.

      1. I agree with you, but as a parent, I can’t imagine what an adult male would need to talk to my 9 year old child about when she is standing in my driveway.

        1. Especially if he’s asking to buy Girl Scout cookies when she isn’t wearing a Girl Scout uniform or in the act of selling cookies. It’s definitely odd behavior, and odd behavior should raise red flags if you’re talking about someone you don’t know approaching your kids. I don’t think the parents did anything except err on the side of caution.

          1. It’s still winter up here in Wisconsin!! THERE IS NO UNIFORM in Winter, only winter coats!! Silly warmlanders!!

          2. They’re erring on the side of being paranoid nutjobs.

        2. You never spoke words to an adult as a child outside of your parents supervision? I guess that does explain rather well your extreme levels social anxiety and dread.

      2. I would say that. But that’s because, unlike you and the police and the parents, I don’t assume every adult male is a child rapist just waiting for his moment to strike.

        How is it that so many manage to make it to alleged adulthood without ever developing reasoning abilities that permit them to grasp concepts beyond the most simple-minded of binary extremes, or understanding the difference between overt behavior and an inherent attribute? One need not assume that an adult male is a child rapist to assess his behavior as being a bit odd and meriting a little extra caution, just like I don’t need to assume that everyone I meet on the street is a murdering sociopath in order to pay a little extra attention to someone who seems to behaving strangely.

        Seriously, I would hope that most people develop these sorts of cognitive abilities before leaving high school at least.

    8. Saw a toddler walking alone by himself at the grocery store the other day. I was so relieved when a store employee noticed shortly after I did so I didn’t have to interact with said toddler and open myself up to idiots who believe grown men talking to toddlers that aren’t their own are “potentially suspicious”.

      1. Saw a toddler walking alone by himself at the grocery store the other day. I was so relieved when a store employee noticed shortly after I did so I didn’t have to interact with said toddler and open myself up to idiots who believe grown men talking to toddlers that aren’t their own are “potentially suspicious”.

        Because helping out a small child who appears to be lost in a place where you would expect him/her to be accompanied by an adult guardian is totally the same as asking two random little girls on the street if they’re selling cookies when there’s no real good reason to think that they are.

    9. EXACTLY!
      Perhaps the author here could act like an actual journalist and give us all the relevant information. It’s certainly at least questionable to stop to ask two girls who aren’t wearing Girl Scout Uniforms if they’re selling cookies.

      But apparently Reason would rather let us assume they were sitting on the corner wearing uniforms like in the picture provided.

      1. It’s a Wisconsin Spring. As a Wisconsinite, I can tell ya the translation for “Wisconsin Spring” is “More Winter”. If these kids weren’t wearing a coat, then they died of exposure shortly after this incident. If they WERE wearing coats, there’s no way to tell if they were wearing a uniform.

        I remember when I was a Scout in Wisconsin, going door to door peddling shit. The rules said you were supposed to wear your uniform, but you could ignore the rules freely, because if you actually DID take the time to wear a uniform, it would just be covered up by a heavy coat instead, because the fundraising season lines up with the cold season.

        In Wisconsin at this time of year, kids playing looks like kids wandering the neighborhood in groups wearing coats. In Wisconsin at this time of year, kids selling fundraising stuff looks like kids wandering the neighborhood in groups wearing coats. There’s no way to differentiate this at a glance unless you see them actively going from door to door (and stopping to watch to see if they are doing this is MORE creepy than stopping to ask)

    10. It’s only monumentally stupid if you’ve bought into the completely contrived out of thin-air Stranger Danger b.s. Out of all the little kids reported missing every year, do you want to know how many are stereotypical stranger abductions? 0.01%. Ironically Stranger Danger instructs our kids to look for safety among family and friends – the group of people MOST LIKELY to kidnap them and sexually abuse them.

      I have no problem being friendly to kids myself and encourage my own to work on developing social skills, not cowering in the corner afraid of all white male adults. Although, I do admit the most fund I’ve had with my teenage daughter was when I was riding my motorcycle and saw her on the sidewalk walking to the park – I stopped to get her plans, etc. and pulled up on the sidewalk to get out of the street. We noticed some well-meaning neighbor lady was circling the block multiple times so we had a good time talking and wondering how many loops she’d make – pretty sure she went to call the police. There was probably a newspaper article “Man on motorcycle attempts to abduct teen – neither victim nor perp identified!”

  7. Thin mints will make a man do crazy things.

    1. “Are you ladies selling ‘Samoas’, if you know what I mean?”

  8. With an obesity epidemic that is burdening the nation’s healthcare system and the caloric count of Girl Scout cookies, I would apprehend the subject regardless of any sexual deviancy.

    1. This is how we handle it in the nation’s oldest city:

      http://www.examiner.com/articl…..betes-joke

      1. I guess that’s one customer…

        [dons sunglasses]

        …who wasn’t too sweet on the deal.

        1. *flings sugar cubes at Fisty*

    2. Perhaps we should sue the girl scouts for making us all fat.

      Sue everybody

  9. “Potentially suspicious” is just like “potential danger,” “potential risk,” or “alleged suspect.”

    1. And “future potential.”

      1. Past experience, advanced reservations, etc etc

  10. Why would you buy at the Girl Scouts markup? The cookies are made by Keebler, who sells most of them under their own label for less.

    1. Correct me if I’m wrong, somebody, but I believe that a huge percentage of the money raised goes to GS HQ, not directly to the local troops of those adorable girls selling you the cookies.

      1. I believe this is the case, but can’t say for sure. I do know that Girl Scouts GHQ spends a disturbing amount of money on “Social Justice” causes.

        1. Girl I went out with a couple of times told me the organization had become as gay as a tree full of gay parrots.

          No, I don’t know how that became the reference standard.

          1. Parrots are colorful and flamboyant? Just spitballin’ here.

            1. While your image is fabulous I think you may have the wrong stereotype going here. For Girl Scouts I think something in the “Gay as a garage full of plaid shirts” vein fits better.

              1. Gay as a room full of horrendous looking ex-gymnasts who put on a few pounds.

                or gay as burkenstocks.

      2. Tht sounds about right.

      3. Correct. My neighbor used to work for the local council, and she had no problem spilling the beans on the whole racket. Like any other large organization, eventually you all end up serving HQ.

      4. The central party knows how to best allocate funds.

    2. Why would you buy at the Girl Scouts markup?

      Possibly because you want to support the Girl Scouts.

      I haven’t noticed Keebler equivalents to all of them, but their Grasshoppers are a pretty good equivalent to Thin Mints and that’s all I want.

    3. Same kind of deal with the Boy Scouts, selling really small amounts of not especially great popcorn at stunning prices. Last time they hit me up, I gave them a donation and told them to keep the popcorn.

      1. Last time my girls were scouts, the local troop only got about $.25 per box sold. The boy scouts local troop, on the other hand, get 40% of the cost of their expensive popcorn.

    4. Why would you buy at the Girl Scouts markup? The cookies are made by Keebler, who sells most of them under their own label for less.

      Yeah, because supporting fund-raising efforts by non-profit organizations is all about getting the most consumer product value for your money.

  11. Those rugged Wisconsinnites. Probably been hittin’ the booze again, what with all the spiders.

    1. Damn spiders, let me tell ya.

    2. You want to hit Dutch’s for some meatloaf?

      1. FUCK YES I DO. GET DR VANCE’S FAT ASS IN THE CAR.

  12. Welcome to the world of Hillary Trump and Donald Clinton. Yeah I know but they are both narcissistic authoritarian ass’s.

    1. You forgot to tout your website, anonbot!

  13. The dad called the cops? Really? what a pussy.

    1. If he called the cops about some strange man potentially looking to kidnap or molest his kids he wasn’t a pussy, he was an idiot. The cops respond to a call about a strange adult male possibly pedophiling around the neighborhood and when they show up – guess who’s the only one in the vicinity fitting the description? Dad’s lucky he didn’t wind up with his pedophiling ass in a cell downtown after being beaten or tazed or shot.

  14. Ban Girl Scout cookies entirely. Then these scare stories won’t happen, but the War on GS cookies will employee plenty of the police, and the State can expand it’s reach into a whole new Battlefield America scenario.

  15. Since we were not able to speak with the driver, we do not know if his intentions were as innocent as they appear to be or a ruse for something different,

    Couldn’t the same be said of all of anyone you see on teh street, whether they stop and talk to anyone or not?

    1. It’s definitely true with cops. They can’t be trusted.

  16. There’s no sense of proportion. I will grant that it is a little bit odd to ask a couple of girls it they are selling girl scout cookies when there apparently was no reason to think they were. That’s no reason to condition the kids to think it was some traumatic event.

    OTOH, if the guy had got out with boom box and challenged them to a rap battle, that would be terrifying.

  17. Police responded to an incident on Saturday: There was a male. We want to alert the public. Even if it was just a male existing, it’s possible it was something worse. This is a teachable moment for the public, if you see a male, please do not hesitate to alert the police.

    1. Male police are the pure non rapey types of men, right?

  18. Fact is, people have become so paranoid as normal that any interaction with a child with whom [including their parents] you do not have an established relationship, is “potentially suspicious.” When I walk through a store I do not approach children at all, as they are no doubt taught “stranger danger” from pre-memory and are imprinted with the notion that anyone they don’t know [and possibly some they do] is likely to abduct them, or at the very least use them as recipients of exhibitionism. If someone has an exceptionally cute or well behaved child, I would at most make a comment to their parent, not the child. Otherwise you will be automatically placed on the parents radar, as well as that of any “good citizen” who does not hate children, as someone to be closely watched and likely reported, At a minimum you will receive a very pointed rebuke and be accused of being an idiot and endangering children by encouraging them to let their guard down. Such is the world in which we now reside.

    Stranger abduction is very rare, but when it happens it is broadcast 24/7 and into every home. Adam Walsh and Jaycee Dugard are household names, and might just as well be your sister’s kids. It may not be “illegal” to approach children with good intentions, but you “deviate” from these unwritten mores at your peril.

  19. This is probably the #1 reason why I hate having any contact with any kids in any way. Reasons #2-54,564,356 have to do with the absolutely inhuman screeching noises those things can make.

    1. @ Krapulent Kris: NEVER, under any circumstances, take a flight to or through Orlando. Trust me, I am telling you this for your own good.

  20. I’m guessing he had a mustache. Nothing says suspicious like a mustache.

  21. When I was a kid, adults talking to children was considered perfectly normal. Now I go out of my way to not talk to them, at least not without the parents’ permission and presence and notarized consent. I sure as hell won’t let any kids into my home under any circumstances; if anything happens to the kid later and they find DNA at my place, I suspect that’s all they’d need to put me on Death Row.

    I think that makes for a shittier world.

    1. I still say hello to the kids in my apartment complex as I’m passing by, but I’d never invite them into my home if I didn’t know their parents. By the same token, when I was a kid 40 years ago, I also never walked into the home of someone I didn’t know unless I was transacting business there on my paper route, selling something door-to-door, or had some very specific reason to be there. Just seemed common sense…you don’t just walk into someone’s house unless you got to know them first and your parents knew them.

      Granted, it’s veered into paranoia today, particularly on the part of police, but I do think that there’s some overcorrection on this thread too…not everyone is a nice person, some people are dangerous to your kids, and sometimes caution is required.

      1. Perhaps. But whether it’s justified or not, it impacts me in such a way that I’m very reluctant to take risks with jumpy parents and random busybodies. One accusation is quite sufficient to completely ruin a man’s life.

        1. I completely agree…”protect the children” has become a witch hunt that has little to do with actually protecting kids.

  22. I worry for my fiance. Someone who has Aspergers and likes children in a world that increasingly is paranoid about anyone interacting in any way with children not related to them seems like a recipe for disaster.

  23. No self-respecting man in Caledonia should buy Girl Scout cookies.

    1. What an interesting way to say no true scotsman

      1. Don’t think I wasn’t aware. I was thinking of Frankie Miller as I typed.

  24. 1) Were they wearing Girl Scout costumes or not?
    2) Did they have boxes of cookies?
    3) Does the photograph accurately represent two girls playing at the end of the driveway?
    4) If not, why was that photograph chosen?
    5) What are the chances that two girls, not dressed in Girl Scout uniforms, with no boxes of cookies in sight, are actually selling Girl Scout cookies?

    There are a lot of reasonable questions I’d like answered by “Reason,” before jumping to an unreasonable conclusion.

    1. 5) What are the chances that two girls, not dressed in Girl Scout uniforms, with no boxes of cookies in sight, are actually selling Girl Scout cookies?

      Well, if the man was “potentially suspicious”… then the girls… being girls… were potentially Girl Scouts… since… you know… Girls Scouts are girls.

      And, since it is Cookie season, said potential Girl Scouts could, potentially, be selling said Cookies.

    2. I don’t think they carry the cookies to sell them. They take orders and deliver them later. Regardless, there should be no unlicensed cookie selling. For the children.

    3. Also, are Girl Scout cookies “in season?” They only do it once a year, right? Had these girls sold Girl Scout cookies in the past, particularly, from their driveway? There are a number of reasons why someone might reasonably ask those girls that question. At least, there used to be. Nowadays, anyone who watches or reads the news ought to know we’re in the midst of a pedophile panic, and know better than to approach strange children.

      BTW, the photo that accompanies the article is a stock photo. They wouldn’t be able to publish a photo of the actual girls, even if they had one.

  25. We also have to keep in mind that we don’t have a transcript of the exact conversation the man had with the girls. It’s possible, for instance, that the man heard from a friend that somebody in that neighborhood was selling GS cookies and he jumped to the entirely reasonable notion that girls would either be involved or would know who was in their neighborhood.

  26. To be safe: If you are a white man with more than 20 dollars, stay inside.

    There is an army of scumbags out to take you down.

  27. “Wanna’ buy some Girl Scout Cookies?” Heh, heh, heh.” Oh, the humanity! The world’s gone completely bonkers. I know this for a fact because I ride my bicycle for exercise regularly; and I see the way people drive their automobiles, up close and personal. Trust me, getting asked if you’re “selling Girl Scout Cookies?” is not one of the big or small dangers facing today’s utes.

    As I’ve said regularly on these pages, there are far too many policemen available. We can save money and make America a better place if we lay off about 50% of these fine “men in blue.”

  28. I’ll bet his wife is pregnant and demanded he go and get cookies. he saw the girls before the store and thought just maybe I can save a trip. but no now he is a wanted man. the “Cops Chase Cookie Craver” a comedy coming to a theater near you.

  29. Just a reminder from the folks who need you to be scared: your local cops.

    I initially read this as “the folks you need to be scared of”.

    I suspect Radley Balko would approve.

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  31. What about an “isolated incident”? Would that be an incident?

    (If those still happen; I haven’t heard of one in a while.)

  32. This is why I will vote for Comrade Sanders, you see the girls scouts will not be able to sell cookies because there will be one state ran cookie factory and every 4 years you will be eligible to wait in line for 5 hours to get your box of either Thin Mints or Do-si-dos (don’t ask for any other kind or you maybe sent to a re-education camp). Problem solved because now we will know definitively that this guy was a creep.

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  34. Wow, what an amateur. You’re supposed to offer candy, or something, not ask for cookies. Also, please invest in a windowless van. You won’t get anywhere with a pickup truck.

  35. This could be potentially as much fun as chalking ‘Trump 2016’ on college campuses. Start driving around, pausing to ask kids totally innocuous questions, and then going on your way.

  36. And we just know he was a white man, too.

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  38. A new crime DWM “Driving while male”

  39. This could be potentially as much fun as chalking ‘Trump 2016’ on college campuses. Start driving around, pausing to ask kids totally innocuous questions, and then going on your way.

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