Wisconsin Primary Tonight, Paul Ryan for President?, Villanova Wins NCAA Tourney with Buzzer-Beater


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  1. Lots of talk about a shadowy Paul Ryan for President campaign.

    Lots of mocking laughter, too, no doubt.

    1. Hello.

      I notice no ‘Am links’ in the title. Someone was rushed. PROMOTE PACO FROM INTERN EDITOR TO DIRECTOR!

    2. If Paul Ryan sees his shadow, the budget ceiling gets raised. True story.

      1. Yes, but only for six weeks.

        Then it has to be raised again, lest anarchy reign o’er the land.

          1. The one thing those sorry bastards did right and they couldn’t even hold the line.

  2. Wisconsin lifts nuclear moratorium

    The state of Wisconsin has lifted a moratorium that had prevented it from considering applications to build new nuclear power plants. Governor Scott Walker signed Assembly Bill 384 into law at a ceremony held at the Wisconsin Energy Institute on 1 April, lifting the moratorium imposed in 1983.

    1. Scott’s stock just went up a bit.

    2. Environmentalists and Greens applaud, right?

      1. They are probably calling for Walkers head on a pike, because, I fucking love science?!!!

        1. Environmentalists and Greens love science like Ron Jeremy loves chastity.

    3. Scott Walker’s ideology kills people! Unlike socialism, which never caused no harm to no one!


    4. April Fool’s!

    5. Governor Scott Walker signed Assembly Bill 384 into law at a ceremony held at the Wisconsin Energy Institute on 1 April, lifting the moratorium imposed in 1983.

      There goes that EVUL right winger again. I wonder how many people this will kill. /BERNTARD

    6. One of the existing plants is already scheduled to be decommissioned. maybe this means they can have a new one up before that happens.

    7. Should’ve signed on Earth Day

  3. Psst. Eugene. Hey, Eugene.

    Up yours, Eugene.

    1. Hello.

    2. Hello.

        1. I can see it in your eyes.

          1. You haven’t got a clue.

      1. So you’re a Talk Show fan, eh?

        1. The squirrels have thrown their lot in with Citizen X’s coup in the only manner possible to them.

      2. Hello, how are you? Have you been alright? Through all those lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely nights

    3. I was out living life this morning so I wouldn’t have been attending AM Links anyway. You people really should get out more.

    1. Gf is currently working on her doctorate. I will definitely be forwarding this to her.

    2. That is incredible and really degrades the PhD title.

    3. Gender theories applied to human-donkey interactions in Africa Tijuana

      In other words someone saw a bunch of donkey shows. For “research purposes”.

      1. go on…

    4. “Prosthetic white hyper-masculinities and ‘disaster education.'”

      That guy got over a hundred grand to say The Walking Dead is ray-ciss. Where is Michonne’s katana when I need it?

  4. This shit is not acceptable, Anthony.

    1. Harumph! Harumph!

      1. I didn’t get a harumph out of that guy!

        1. We must protect our phony baloney commenting jobs!

  5. Will Alabama’s governor face impeachment?

    Does your conscience bother you? Now, tell the truth.

    1. Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers
      And they’ve been known to pick a song or two (yes they do)
      Lord they get me off so much
      They pick me up when I’m feeling blue, now how bout you?

  6. This is the flying chainsaw drone you knew was coming

    Truly, we live in a golden age of Putting Dangerous Things On Drones. We’ve seen people strap fireworks, paintball guns, real guns, and even flamethrowers to quadcopters and the like, and so it was only a matter of time before someone tried with power tools. A group of Finnish filmmakers have stepped up to the plate, hanging a petrol-powered chainsaw underneath a DJI S1000 octocopter drone. The resulting craft ? nicknamed Killer Drone, of course ? looks like something from a sci-fi horror film, charging around snowy fields and bursting open the heads of unaware snowmen.

    However, this maniacal creation probably isn’t as dangerous as you might think. I mean, yes, it’s still a chainsaw attached to a drone, and so isn’t really suitable for the under-fives, but the video itself has been edited to make Killer Drone appear more killer-y. It manages to chop down some icicles and a few branches (perhaps), but it bounces off the slim trunk of a tree ? presumably the drone just doesn’t have enough thrust to apply any real pressure with the chainsaw.

    1. Codsworth is such a church lady. I expect my futuristic flying armed robots to be less judgmental.

    2. Obama laments the chainsaw juggling job losses.

    3. We’ve seen people strap fireworks, paintball guns, real guns, and even flamethrowers to quadcopters

      Coming soon: “common sense drone control.”

  7. Wildlife officials want you to watch out for crabs having sex on the beach ? and report it

    They like to do it in the middle of the night, while the waves lap softly at the sandy beach, under the glow of a full moon.

    They do it in the middle of the day, too, sun bright, right where you can see them.

    Not spring breakers. We’re talking about horseshoe crabs.

    Spring is when these crusty critters ? 445 million years old and vital to the ecosystem ? emerge from the continental shelf and come ashore to mate.

    Like sea turtles, horseshoe crabs find calm, sloped beaches to spawn. With the male on her back, the female crab will dig down into the sand where the tide is breaking to deposit her eggs.

    1. [insert “crabs” joke here]

    2. Bow-chicka-wow-wow

      “Damn, girl… your mandibles are lookin’ so fine tonight!”

  8. Is being transgender a mental illness?


    1. It is in the DSM? That seems to be how you tell if something is a mental illness or not.

      1. Except the DSM changes according to the current political climate.

        1. “Head shrinks used to say that gay was a mental illness. Obviously this was some political bullshit, but since the actual pee-aitch-dees are running a line of bullshit, why can’t I?”

          Now that’s some anti-credentialism.

            1. My point? Clearly my point is that it’s different when you’re doing it, because your intentions are pure and you’ve completely thought this through. I thought the sly “fuck you, mental health” was a nice touch, although I’m willing to allow others to roam the streets even if they had the bad taste to disagree.

              1. So, you obviously don’t get my point, but decided to rant anyway.

                1. Your point is that the there are countless examples of false mental illnesses that were invented yesterday so that, for example, doctors can dose up some kids with adderol tomorrow. It’s an AMA cartelized psychiatry industry which means we can’t just take the ever expanding DSM at face value, unlike some people who say things like “anti-credentialism” are willing to do.

                2. You’re right, it was totally unfair of me to assume I might have had a point. Only you did, whereas ME, well, I have no points. I’m just talking to prove my bad intentions. I’ll stop being so silly.

                  Do go on diagnosing people you’ve never met. I find it fascinating and instructive.

                  *folds hands and looks attentive*

                  1. Someone says that the DSM is very far from infallible, you then characterize that argument as irrational “anti-credentialism” and proceed to slay strawman arguments. Strawmen like claiming that someone told you it’s unfair of you to believe in your own argument or that you have bad intentions, or better yet that the person you’re arguing against is diagnosing people that they aren’t talking about with diseases that were never actually mentioned.

                    1. But it is infallible. By definition. If it’s in there, it’s a mental disorder, if it’s not, then it’s not.

                      I wish someone would dose me up on adderall.

                    2. I’ll assume you’re being sarcastic.

                    3. Arguing with random folks in a comment section on the internet is definitely in the DSM.

        2. That’s irrelevant. All that matters is if it’s in the latest version.

    2. I’ll leave that question to the medical experts who stage demonstrations at psychiatric conventions to have themselves removed from the DSM.

    3. It’s your body. Do what you want with it.

      1. Perhaps if that’s the bottom line. The thing is, if I read the argument in the video correctly, these people need treatment and when doctors just go with their wishes it enables people to go this route as opposed to getting help.

        Your body yes, but at least be aware of the landscape and that perhaps there are other options.

        1. You could say the same thing about a lot of plastic surgery. The only objections I have are making someone else pay for it or be supportive of it. I’m generally indifferent to body alterations, although I wouldn’t do it to myself.

          1. Some of those plastic surgeries are brutal.

            1. So is childbirth.

              1. So is knee surgery. Is this supposed to be some “gotcha” argument?

                  1. I’ve heard people who need both knees worked on get them done at the same time, because the level of pain involved means if you do only one, you’ll avoid ever properly fixing the other.

                    This does sound brutal. It should be eliminated. Brutality is bad.

                    /can you hear me now?

                    1. FYI I meant that some of them are botched and the person sometimes (if not usually) comes off looking worse in my opinion.

          2. I’d question the ethics of a doctor who inappropriately recommends body modifications as medical treatment. Though I have no idea how much that actually happens, or when or if sex change surgeries or hormone treatments are helpful to people. So I’ll keep my nose out of it.

            1. I agree that a recommendation for unnecessary surgery is inappropriate. But I imagine most people come in knowing what they want already.

              1. Many people commit suicide on that presumption. We’d lock up psychiatrists who recommended it.

                1. Which presumption?

                  1. That they already know what they want.

                    It may be true for some gender dysphoric patients that modification is a reasonable therapy, but you won’t know until after you try it and it’s an extreme, probably irreversible, intervention. But the impetus now is to make reassignment a priority; recommending anything less is transphobic, which just begs the question. WTF is spot-on about prevailing cultural and political climes overcoming good science.

                    1. Good science should always overcome. For your own good, and whether you like it or not. We can’t have people out there making choices willy-nilly, they might pick anything. Pfft, talk about crazy, amirite? The science is settled. And we have plans for the anti-science bleevers who disagree.

                      Personally, I blame the market.

          3. I thought surgical addiction was symptomatic of underlying mental disease though. I think you could make a fair argument that completely obliterating your reproductive organs is similar.

            I’m really conflicted on this issue. The issue. Not my parts. I like my fishbone just fine.

            1. Nobody’s saying you have to get rid of the vestigial tail, but it would help if you didn’t put pictures of it on your dating profiles.

      2. It’s your body. Do what you want with it.

        This. Fucking libertarianism, how does it work?

        1. Well, there are two other requirements in free society:

          1) You have to find somebody who is willing to perform sex re-assignment treatment and surgery.
          2) You have pay them yourself (or find some other person who will do so voluntarily.)

          I rather doubt there would be very many people who would offer sex re-assignment treatment and surgery if “patients” had to pay out of pocket with no subsidies or insurance.

          I doubt this sort of service will be offered for more than a few decades since its victims will ultimately be recruited by law firms to launch a monster class action suit that will cause malpractice premiums to skyrocket.

    4. But seriously, it’s a dumb question to ask, I think. All that matters is whether a particular person can live a reasonably happy life. If they can, then there is no reason to diagnose an illness. If not, then maybe it is. People who insist on one answer in both cases are just being assholes.

      1. Happiness. Huh.

        What a novel thought.

      2. Hey, if someone is convinced they are a dog, and live a happy life, fine with me. But it’s also okay to recognize that they’re loony. I also recognize it’s wrong to interfere in someone’s life because you think they’re loony, as long as they are not imposing costs on anyone else.

        1. Yeah, I think, as a matter of courtesy, if someone wants to live their life as the opposite gender, that’s their business and it doesn’t harm anyone, so sure. But humoring their delusions by insisting that, no, that person really is this strikes me as inappropriate, and imposing new obligations on everyone to humor such delusions is not okay.

        2. There are degrees of loony, though. If someone actually lived as a dog, they would have a hard time taking care of themselves. If they can find someone willing to put up with it, then good for them. But it’s not a workable lifestyle otherwise. Living as the other gender, on the other hand, doesn’t necessarily have any significant imact on one’s ability to care for and provide for oneself.

          I think you need to judge looniness largely on the effect it actually has on your ability to live your life.

          A lot of transgender people do seem to be very troubled people and their gender dysphoria is a problem. And I think it is likely that psychiatry is a better course to pursue than hormones or surgery for sex change. But there also seem to be some people who can pull it off and be happy and have a good life. It’s just unnecessary assholery to call the latter group “loonies”.

          1. The problem is that gender seems to be a hard-wired feature of the brain, separate from the gender of the body and the sexual orientation of the brain. So while psychiatry might help in dealing with the issues caused by a mismatch in these pieces, it doesn’t address the underlying problem. Apparently reassignment surgery can.

            Reading “The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat” helped me better understand the possibilities from changes in the brain. These are case studies of people with various brain injuries which result in changes in how they process the world around them. Their “self” has to assimilate all of this stuff and make sense of it, so even though the things they are believing about the world make no sense, it is perfectly normal and real to them. – As one would suspect if you come to realize that we are nothing more than the meat that we carry around in our heads. Any changes to that flesh will result in changes to the person.

            The bottom line is there is an underlying assumption that is causing a problem – that calling something a “mental illness” means that there is something wrong with that person. Something wrong in a way that is not the same as having the flu, or cancer, or a third nipple. So while you might have an extra toe and decide to have it removed, or not have it removed at your discretion, we see this as fundamentally different from having a similar difference in your brain. T

    5. Is being transgender a mental illness?

      Is it not mental illness? Seems to me that the people who assume prima facie that it’s not a mental illness are the ones with some splainin’ to do.

      1. Paging HM, HM to the blue pink mauve courtesy phone.

      2. I’m not full on Szaszian (if that’s how you spell it) when it comes to psychiatry, but I question whether the category of mental illness is really all that meaningful. Until you can find an actual neurological cause for a collection of symptoms, I think it is only reasonable to judge whether or not something is an illness or disorder based on how it affects a person’s life.

        By that standard, a lot of transgender people probably are mentally ill, or at least pretty messed up. But not necessarily all.

        1. Until you can find an actual neurological cause for a collection of symptoms, I think it is only reasonable to judge whether or not something is an illness or disorder based on how it affects a person’s life.

          I don’t think you need to be able to point to some malformed or malfunctioning brain tissue to see that someone has some sort of ‘thinking disorder’, if you’ll allow me to use a descriptive term other than “mental illness”.

          By that standard, a lot of transgender people probably are mentally ill, or at least pretty messed up. But not necessarily all.

          I agree. Of course not necessarily all. A horse is defined, in part, as a for legged animal with one head. But that doesn’t mean a horse with three legs and two heads isn’t a horse or that the biological category known as “horse” is invalid because of the existence of such a creature.

          1. I guess the crux of my point is that it’s not an illness or disorder if it doesn’t have a negative effect on your life. Just a peculiarity.

            1. I don’t think that’s true. There are people with autism, who’ve undergone extensive treatments to understand human facial expressions and generally function so well in society that you’d never know they were autistic. That doesn’t mean they don’t have a mental illness/disorder/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. There are people with a powerful desire to amputate their own feet, or chemically blind themselves because they identify as a blind person. The person is happier after they mutilate themselves and they would not consider that mutilation to be a negative thing in their life. That doesn’t mean they don’t have a mental illness.

              1. That sort of presumes that there is a right or normal way to be.

                I really believe that if someone is happy, then they are doing alright (as long as they aren’t forcing anyone else to enable their happiness). You can call it an illness and I won’t think you are a terrible person, but I’m not going to make that judgement about something as poorly defined and understood as a lot of supposed mental health conditions are.

                1. I really don’t care that much whether they are happy. I’d like them to be happy, but happiness comes and goes.

                  What I care about is whether mind their own business. That means that they pay their own way and don’t bother me to get my approval to alleviate their insecurity. That pretty much goes for everybody, not just transgender people.

                2. That sort of presumes that there is a right or normal way to be.

                  I’m not sure you need to definitively know “what normal is” in order to validly believe that blinding yourself because you identify as blind, is normal.

                  One good metric might be, “what if everyone felt an over-powering desire to burn out their own eyes? Would that be conducive to the survival of the species?”

                  I’m not hanging my hat on that metric, and I’m certainly not advocating someone step in and force these people to behave one way or another, but it’s more than fair to classify those behaviors as some sort of mental disorder.

              2. We work with autistic cases at the daycare a lot. And it’s pretty much that. The specialist comes in and works with cases and lemme tell ya, I’ve seen with my own two eyes the progress.

                They’re not ‘cured’ or anything but they learn to socialize.

                It’s interesting.

    6. If someone has a delusion that they’re the opposite sex, Napoleon, etc., but so long as they stay away from discussion of their delusion they’re good workers, friends, students, etc., then by all means humor them if that’s what it takes to accomodate their disability.

      A guy calling himself the Emperor Norton hung around 19th-century San Francisco claiming to be the ruler of the USA, issuing his own currency, etc., but otherwise he got along well with people, and they didn’t yell at him for his delusions, and they even circulated his imperial currency (try that today and see where it gets you!).

      There was this American housewife in the 19th century who thought she was Queen Victoria, so rather than argue with her about it, her husband called her “your majesty” and pretended she was actually a queen. It helped that she stayed inside the house. (Her daughter was Carrie Nation, just to rebut ideas that insanity is hereditary).

      The problem comes when a person is so dysfunctional that his or her delusions cannot safely be humored. It’s one thing for the Accounts Receivable clerk to dress as Napoleon so long as he does his job, and all he asks in return is that from time to time you say, “shall we invade Russia today, your majesty?” But when he starts demanding his own personal imperial suite* and a staff of Marshals to attend him at all times, that’s when it stops being amusing and it’s time to get rid of him.

      *With his own bathroom, or Waterloo, as another commenter joked

      1. A person asks you to humor his preferences and refer to him using feminine pronouns. That’s okay, so long as he’s willing to overlook inevitable but meaningless lapses in etiquette.

        A person insist you believe that he is a woman, and calls for your head when you forget to refer to him by his preferred suite of pronouns: not okay.

        I think the world would be much more accommodating of the former if not for the latter, and unfortunately for the former, the latter has recourse to a political following of rabid and motivated culture crusaders.

      2. How does the fact that Carrie Nation, the tomahawk-wielding, bat-shit crazy prohibitionist, was her daughter rebut the idea that insanity is hereditary?

        1. Because I forgot the /sarc tag again.

    7. Yes, yes it is. That said unless the transgendered person has a problem with their transgenderedness then I see no reason anyone should force them to live life as they were born.

      Not all mental illnesses are harmful

  9. Iceland Parliament pelted with skyr

    The first punch has been thrown in today’s anti-government protest ? in the form of tubs of Icelandic cultured yoghurt thrown against the parliament building.

    Thousands of angry protestors are expected to gather from 5pm today to demand the resignation of the government and early general elections, following yesterday’s Panama Papers revelations.

    According to eye-witness reports, a man approached the main building of the Icelandic Parliament (‘Al?ingi’) and threw a number of tubs of Iceland’s famous skyr at the walls and windows.

    He allegedly even smeared one in the face of a police officer. The man reportedly escaped the scene after his symbolic gesture, but has now been arrested.

    1. I had been expecting them to the Parliament in their longships and hew people to death with battle-axes, but yogurt works, too, I suppose.

      1. to *raid* the Parliament

    2. I think someone doesn’t understand what “symbolic” means.

    3. “Al?ingi”

      Politicians or not, part of me kinda likes any organization who’s name is pronounced “All Thingy”.

    4. Thousands of angry protestors are expected to gather from 5pm today to demand the resignation of the government and early general elections

      Parliamentarians witnessed leisurely exiting the building at 4:30pm.

  10. KFC is fixing a mistake it has been making for years

    The chicken chain is undergoing a process it is calling “Re-Colonelization” ? a public recommitment to quality involving employee retraining and a new satisfaction guarantee.

    Effective immediately, if customers aren’t satisfied with their KFC order, the restaurant will remake whatever aspect of their meal fell short.

    The chain has rolled out an extensive “chicken mastery certification” program, spending more than 100,000 hours retraining more than 20,000 employees. The retraining involved 43 rallies across the US, attended by more than 97% of restaurant general managers. National training events were also held in every KFC location in the US.

    1. I bet nobody has a problem with


      1. “Re-Colonelization” sounds like something horrible that SugarFree would write about.

        1. Or if I got called to active duty, out of the Retired Reserve…

    2. They need Popeyes-ization more than Re-Colonelization.

      1. I’ve only had Popeyes once. It was… lacking.

        1. Could be, but if Popeye’s spicy is lacking, KFC is just a waste of chicken.

          1. To be fair, it was “fingers” – which turned out to be mostly crust with some stringy bits of chicken inside. Maybe their regular chicken is better.

            1. Get the spicy chicken, red beans and rice, biscuits. Tasty.

              1. (nodding aggressively)

              2. I don’t do beans but the rest sounds good.

              3. Get the spicy chicken, red beans and rice, biscuits. Tasty.

                Hell, yeah. That may be the best fast food around. Although its been awhile since I lived near a Popeyes and had it, but back when I did . . .

            2. Hint for Rhywun: chickens don’t have fingers.

              I ate at a popeyes in Arizona once. It was completely different from the Popeyes here in Louisiana. If you want good food, move to Louisiana.

              1. If you want good food, move to Louisiana.

                Oh yeah. It’s tempting but the summers would kill me.

              2. Next you will be telling us buffalos do not have wings.

    3. The idea came to Colonel while he was on the bucket.

    4. That name is triggering.

    5. “Chicken mastery certification”? Damn masturbation euphemisms again.

      1. Wouldn’t that have to be chicken choking mastery?

        1. *narrows grip*

  11. Lots of talk about a shadowy Paul Ryan for President campaign.

    The only people floating this idiocy are the Beltway dopes who think that they’re “wonks” (the Peter Suderman types).

  12. “‘An?il nathrach, ortha bh?is bheatha, do thuar dh?anamh!” Donald shouted into the night-shrouded darkness of midnight.

    “Reveal to me! Reveal!” he screamed while profanities and blasphemies swirled around him on the night-wind.

    “Isn’t from Excalibur?” the hair whispered to the hat.

    “Don’t break his concentration, you fool,” the hat whispered back.

    They were both in places of honor on the wind-swept night altar, hastily constructed by Mexicans in the depths of the night-haunted wind woods of darkest Wisconsin. Their brown, broken bodies littered the ground and in the wind-flickered flames of a thousand candles their blood shined as black as their illegal hearts.

    “REVEAL!” Donald screamed again as his hot semen splattered the forest floor, steam rising from where it fell. A low rumble of thunder rolled through the nightwind blown trees.

    “Yes! Show me how to bring Cruz to his knees!” Donald cried.

    The hair sniggered and the hat let out a quiet, embarrassed cough.

    Donald turned to glare at them. “To his knees in defeat. Defeat. Not like some sex thing,” he told them.

    “Sure, Donald,” the hair said. The hat was shaking with suppressed laughter.

    1. “‘An?il nathrach, ortha bh?is bheatha, do thuar dh?anamh!”


      1. I was thinking Enya but OK.

      2. The movie.

      3. I thought maybe that was something from The Necronomicon.

      4. It looks like Gaelic…buadh no bas.

    2. Needs more armor plated sex scenes

      1. You say that about everything.

        1. What can I say? John Boorman is my idol.

          1. To the point that you wear a red diaper under your clothes every day.

            1. It’s a mankini.

      2. Are we talking about horseshoe crabs mating again?

  13. Lagarde Sees Political Dangers Galore With Global Economy Tepid

    The world outlook is clouded by “weak growth, no new jobs, no high inflation, still high debt — all those things that should be low and that are high,” Lagarde said in an interview in Frankfurt on Tuesday with Bloomberg Television’s Francine Lacqua. The downside risks have increased and “we don’t see much by way of upside,” she said.

    The International Monetary Fund’s view of the world economy has dimmed over the last six months, exacerbated by China’s slowdown, lower commodity prices and the risk of financial tightening in many countries. The Washington-based fund, which will hold its spring meetings starting April 15, is warning that political populism now also poses a growing risk to the economic order, fueled by income inequality and the ongoing fallout from last decade’s financial crisis.

    1. And the low shall be made high, and the high brought low!

      /IMF Gospel

  14. This is Robby-level performance. I expect more from you, Fisher.

  15. Speaking of…Samuel L. Jackson on Coach K.



    What a stupid, idiotic ‘controversy’. Big fucking shit he had a word with an athlete. If there’s one coach who has earned the right it’s him, no? Yeh, yeh he ‘lied’. Hey Jackson, Obama lied to. Wake the fuck up!

    1. Duke sucks.

        1. I hate retarded sports “controversies” and the inevitable Outside The Lines episodes they spawn.

          1. Where’s the controversy? Duck sucks is just science.

              1. See? Duke sucks so much it affects my typing.

              2. You hate Oregon?

                Doesn’t everybody? I mean, those uniforms. Good god.

            1. Bob Ley: How did you feel when you read “Duke sucks is just science”?
              Triggered Millenial Duke Fan: My emotions were overwhelmed with terrible sadness and loss, I felt as if my on personal view of a team was basically, just, you understand, raped.
              BL: Raped?
              TMDF: Yes…tearsunintelligible murmuring…raped.

  16. Iranian military official warns US: Stay away from Iran’s red lines

    Iran warned the US on Monday that any attempt to encroach on the Islamic Republic’s ballistic missile program would constitute the crossing of a “red line.”

    “The US calculations about the Islamic Republic and the Iranian nation are fully incorrect,” Iranian Deputy Chief of Staff Brig-Gen Maassoud Jazzayeri was quoted by the Fars News Agency as saying.

    “The White House should know that defense capacities and missile power, specially at the present juncture where plots and threats are galore, is among the Iranian nation’s red lines and a backup for the country’s national security and we don’t allow anyone to violate it,” Jazzayeri said.

    1. But we had a deal! A historic deal! What the fuck, Iran?

      1. Don’t worry, the Obama admistration will explain how this doesn’t actually violate any agreements about not pursuing a ballistic missle program.

        1. Maybe they are using “red line” in the sense that Obama uses it, as in “If you cross this red line, I will equivocate for a while, not follow through with any action, and try to pin this on Republicans.”

    2. I did NOT see that coming!

    3. Damn it Obama!! Now EVERYONE’S goin’ around making “red lines” that they intend to do nothing about once they are crossed!!

  17. AC/DC cures cancer.

    Warning: stupid fucking autoplay ad.

    1. Is there nothing that rock can’t do?

      1. Act?

        1. Good ol’ rock. Nothing beats that!

        2. You cut me up.

        3. Euphemisms, abstract, etc.

      2. Well, it ain’t noise pollution. And it’ll never die…

      3. Get rid of the Jack?

      4. Act?

        (sorry Dwayne Johnson)

  18. The Real Reason Trump Can’t Break the GOP

    So even if Trump is the Republican nominee, and costs the GOP an election (and it is worth remembering that right now the fundamentals merely point to a very close presidential election), the GOP would probably be in a position to bounce back quickly.

    This leads to the real reason that Trump is unlikely to hurt the GOP permanently: In the grand scheme of things, he is really not a big deal. For example, after the Watergate debacle and election of Jimmy Carter, Everett Carll Ladd Jr., wrote: “The Republican party cannot find, outside of the performance of its presidential nominee, a single encouraging indicator of a general sort from its 1976 electoral performance. . . . [W]hat we see manifested here is a secular deterioration of the GOP position. The Democrats have emerged almost everywhere outside the presidential arena as the ‘everyone party.'” Yet four years later, the Republicans won the first of three landslide presidential wins, and 18 years later it began dominating congressional races.

  19. “Audio recordings surfaced last month of a sexually explicit conversation between Gov. Robert Bentley and one of his aides, Rebekah Mason, originally from 2014. (More on that later)”

    So he broke no laws. Can you impeach a governor in Alabama for nothing but a totally legal moral lapse?

    According to the grounds for impeachment in the Alabama code, I guess:

    “Any offense involving moral turpitude while in office or committed under color thereof or connected therewith.”

    That’s pretty fucking vague.

    1. You could also argue that repeatedly lying to the populace constitutes moral turpitude but we know that sure as shit isn’t a precedent they want to set for impeachment…

  20. California college students object to ‘white feminist’ Madeleine Albright as commencement speaker

    Soon after officials at all-female Scripps College, in Claremont, Calif., announced Albright would speak to graduates, an article in the school paper derided the Czech-born diplomat for her skin color and previous policy positions, and other students posted their concerns on social media, according to The Claremont Independent.

    “Just out of curiosity, does anyone know how many [people of color] we’ve had as guest commencement speakers at Scripps?” asked one student.

    1. They could go and smear blood on their faces, but Madeleine may be past that age.

      1. I thought women were supposed to support each other?

        Well, enjoy your stay in Hell, you false-consciousness-having coeds.

        1. We need a new deck of cards that explains the hierarchy.

        2. “Of color” is higher on the victim list than “woman”. It’s like you don’t even prog.

          1. Where does white-dude-who-doesn’t-give-a-shit rank?

            1. Depends. Is it “cis-hetero white dude who doesn’t give a shit?” Because if so, I’m pretty sure that makes you worse than Hitler.

            2. In the 6th Circle of Hell, with all the other heretics.

              1. Is that above or below the level reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the movies?

            3. Where does white-dude-who-doesn’t-give-a-shit rank?

              In last place, just behind social signalling self-hating white males.

              1. It’s not a ladder, white people. It’s an n-dimensional matrix. Hence, “intersectionality”.

    2. But they’ve stopped accusing her of genocide? Disappointing. I guess genocide isn’t cool anymore (or maybe college leftists are for it now?). It’s all got to be about race. Or rape.

    3. Scripps is a hotbed of stupidity

    4. [people of color]

      Is “colored” coming back as a term? It sure seems that way.

      1. Pink with little brown spots is a color. At least two of them.

      2. I bought a box of “colored index cards” for work a while back. I thought the word had been long since euphemized but maybe not.

  21. FBI Says a Mysterious Hacking Group Has Had Access to US Govt Files for Years

    The feds warned that “a group of malicious cyber actors,” whom security experts believe to be the government-sponsored hacking group known as APT6, “have compromised and stolen sensitive information from various government and commercial networks” since at least 2011, according to an FBI alert obtained by Motherboard.

    The alert, which is also available online, shows that foreign government hackers are still successfully hacking and stealing data from US government’s servers, their activities going unnoticed for years. This comes months after the US government revealed that a group of hackers, widely believed to be working for the Chinese government, had for more than a year infiltrated the computer systems of the Office of Personnel Management, or OPM. In the process, they stole highly sensitive data about several millions of government workers and even spies.

    1. That said, Hilary’s email wasn’t compromised.


      And she wants to be your latex salesperson?

      1. “Hillary ran a private server because the federal servers were unreliable. She’s prescient!”

    2. Yep, my saying that there is a good chance the Benghazi attack was by pro-Assad forces tipped off to the gun running there by Putin is completely crazy. Totally nuts. Not logical and no basis in reality.

      And those of you wondering where the lizard people fit in, that’s easy. They were the ones who secreted the attackers into the country from Syria. Duh.

    3. APT6? Is that the hacking arm of SD-6?

  22. Facebook begins using artificial intelligence to describe photos to blind users

    Automatic alt text, which is coming to iOS today and later to Android and the web, recognizes objects in photos using machine learning. Machine learning helps to build artificial intelligences by using algorithms to make predictions. If you show a piece of software enough pictures of a dog, for example, in time it will be able to identify a dog in a photograph. Automatic alt text identifies things in Facebook photos, then uses the iPhone’s VoiceOver feature to read descriptions of the photos out loud to users. While still in its early stages, the technology can reliably identify concepts in categories including transportation (“car,” “boat,” “airplane”), nature (“snow,” “ocean,” “sunset”), sports (“basketball court”), and food (“sushi”). The technology can also describe people (“baby,” “smiling,” beard”), and identify a selfie.

    1. Identify a selfie (“mega-douche”, “sex toy awkwardly visible in the background”)

  23. I don’t know why Americans are so freaked about Trump. I live in a province that has its fair share of Trumps.

    The other day a Quebec-based mediocre chicken place with average service – St-Hubert – got bought out by Ontario chain Swiss Chalet.

    If there’s one thing you can bet to get all the nationalist yokels screaming it’s the prospect of Ontarians and Americans (Lowe’s is attempting to buy Ro-Na hardware) buying good companies ‘de chez nous’.

    The leader of a business party – Francois Legault – was practically fainting while Le Journal de Montreal (a sensationalist paper) screamed (and I paraphrase), ‘Sold to Ontarians!’ As if they were criminals from an alien planet.

    Of course, this all adds up to one thing. Parochial navel-gazing and ‘les maudits anglais.’

    Poor people. They’re still reeling that Guy Laliberte sold Cirque du Soleil!

    The hilariously ironic part is when Quebec businesses (Jean-Coutu pharmacy and Couche-Tard convenience stores) buy up Canadian or American ones, it’s a source of pride.

      1. Is it pronounced “Swee Shallay”?

    1. I thought I was losing my mind thinking I grew up with Swiss Chalet around. Turns out the last two American stores (in Buffalo) closed recently.

    2. Couche-Tard

      Pronounced “cooch tard” right?

    3. To be fair, when I hear the word “Ontarians,” the first thing I think of is “criminals from an alien planet” too.

    1. Cheers on that!

      1. Need

  24. Nagorno-Karabakh crisis escalates amid threat of war

    Fighting has continued in the disputed region of Nagorno-Karabakh, with Azerbaijan saying three of its troops were killed in the past 24 hours and both sides ramping up their rhetoric.

    Armenian President Serzh Sargsyan warned on Monday that his country could formalise ities with Nagorno-Karabakh by officially recognising it as independent if the fighting escalates.

    He warned that any such escalation could lead to a “large-scale war.”

    Azerbaijan’s defence ministry said that if Armenian-backed forces continued to fire on civilians near Nagorno-Karabakh then its army would prepare to attack the region’s capital Stepanakert.

    1. So many impossible words is such a small space

      1. Congress should require that no country can get involved in war if it contains regions and leaders difficult for Americans to pronounce.

        1. I thought this is how we taught schoolchildren geography.

          “And if you look at the map, children, these are the countries we are currently bombing for freedom and democracy.”

        2. Remember that time Chad and Jordan got in a fight? Behind the shed out at the practice field?

    2. I just assumed that region is always at war.

  25. Villanova won its first NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship in 31 years with a stunning buzzer-beater last night over the University of North Carolina.

    Is Villanova’s team all LGBT?

  26. The secrets of dirty money:


    1. Although I reckon observant people pretty much were able to connect such dots.

      I mean, when a country finds oil and its leaders suddenly own Chateaus, I mean. Come on.

      1. *shakes head sadly*

        Should have stuck with Swiss bank accounts….

        1. The Kennedy’s have had a long and successful run of hiding their money in Fiji.

  27. “Part of Wisconsin’s importance to Cruz is that the calendar soon shifts to shakier ground for him. He’s favored in the winner-take-all South Dakota, Montana and Nebraska contests, but could lose big in the next contest on the calendar, New York on April 19, and then Maryland, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Delaware the following week.”

    Cruz needs to win California.

    He’s probably not going to win California.


  28. Total alpha male whines incessantly.

    “Trump: Having to Get 1,237 Delegates For the Nomination Is ‘Very Unfair'”

    “It’s very unfair, the 1,237. The reason it’s very unfair ? and I think I’ll get there, I think I’ll get there! ? but the reason it’s very unfair is the following:

    When I started there were 17 candidates and people never says this ? I’ve never even heard it said ? those early states ? nobody says it and it’s very unfair ? but on a lot of those early? there were so many candidates that if you got 30% or 25%, you’d win and it would be an unbelievable victory. Honestly, Kasich should not be allowed to run and I’ll go opposite on you: he hurts Trump much more than he hurts Cruz.”

    Idiot. If it weren’t for Rubio, Ted Cruz would have gone over 50% in Texas and gotten ALL of that state’s delegates – which is a lot of delegates. The 17 person field actually helped Trump in a lot of ways.

    1. Even if I were the type to believe in what Trump’s saying, he’s the biggest whiner in politics today. Which says A LOT.

      1. My favorite aspect of Alpha Male Hyper Masculine Trump’s campaign is how wildly unpopular he is with women he isn’t paying to fuck him.

        Clearly he’ll do wonderfully in the general election with his -47 approval rating among the gender that actually votes the most…

        There’s no reason you can’t win an election when losing women to Hillary by 30%, right?

        1. There’s no reason you can’t win an election when losing women to Hillary by 30%, right?

          First, tell me by what percentage Hillary is losing men.

          The gender gap is almost precisely mirrored between Dems and Reps, you know.

    2. What’s unfair is that they give us a choice between two retards, call it democracy, and use winning that contest as a justification for doing all sorts of incredibly awful shit to people like me, who don’t want anything to do with this process or any of the retards it elects.

      1. What’s unfair about calling a choice between two retards democracy? It’s designed to leave you that kind of choice.

        1. That formulation is insufficiently democratic to be called democracy. It isn’t rule by the people. It’s a method of justification for imposing force.

          If Trump or Clinton win a popularity contest, then the rest of us have to respect their authority? That isn’t government by the people.

          Hillary Clinton’s horrible rights violations won’t be any more justified in my mind becasue she won a popularity contest AKA “democracy”.

          1. Your last line is what I’m talking about. With all constitutional restrain gone, it’s become a purer and much worse version of “democracy”.

            1. I appreciate that.

              And yet, the idea that winning elections somehow justifies the horrible shit politicians do to us has got to be the enemy.

              When I say I want to replace politicians with free people making choices for themselves, that can’t mean I’m against democracy, exactly.

              Free markets are better than politicians–even if the politicians are duly elected. I suppose democratic socialism is better than totalitarian communism in a lot of ways–one of the ways it’s worse is that democratic socialism has the veneer of democracy even if it’s really about using force to crush dissent.

              1. But you always get to A from B eventually. Concentrated benefits vs diffuse costs. Doesn’t mean we can’t be fellow travelers, Ken. Not trying to reignite some SLAVER! argument.

                1. This isn’t about slaver.

                  This is about the relative desirability of markets and direct democracy vs. politicians and representative (fake) democracy.

                  Elections aren’t about democracy. They’re about legitimacy.

                  Because Barack Obama won a popularity contest four years ago legitimizes no rights violations. The fact is that Presidents routinely win without a majority of the vote. The fact is that politicians rarely give us what we want. The fact is that elections legitimize nothing but the title of the officeholder. The belief that winning elections legitimizes politicians violating people’s rights is the enemy–and it’s a common enemy.

                  1. I’d agree and just say the Spooner made many of the same points.

              2. Free markets are better than politicians–even if the politicians are duly elected. I suppose democratic socialism is better than totalitarian communism in a lot of ways–one of the ways it’s worse is that democratic socialism has the veneer of democracy even if it’s really about using force to crush dissent.

                Yes that is a problem. Any policy dressed up as “democracy” approved gets more legitimacy than it otherwise would. This is how tax rates under monarchy were almost always under 8%, until WWI and under democracy society is relatively accepting of tax rates of 25%, 30%, 50% or even 90%. Because you see it’s not the King’s Men taking half your income, it’s the people taxing themselves, so it’s okay!

          2. There’s nothing “undemocratic” about it. Well, except maybe the whole “super-delegates” thing. It’s just that democracy is often a bad thing and too frequently fails to safeguard liberty.

            1. Representative democracy isn’t the same as democracy.

              It’s not as if representative democracy gives us the politicians we want or the things we want anyway. Elections are simply an attempt to legitimize the use of force in people’s minds.

              Markets are direct democracy.

              McDonalds and Wal*Mart are far more responsive to my desires than politicians.

              The best thing about representative democracy is that we get to throw the bums out periodically. Regardless of who wins (between Trump or Clinton), the majority of Americans will not get the leader or the things they want.

              You get what you want from McDonalds and Wal*Mart and Amazon.com. With them, even if you choose not to do business with them, you get what you want.

        2. Might even think of it this way:

          The last time I looked at Trump and Hillary’s negatives, Trump was viewed negatively by 57% of the American people. Hillary was viewed negatively by 53% of the American people.

          It is entirely possible that our next President will be viewed negatively by a majority of the American people the first day he or she takes office. But we’re all going to pretend like whomever the next President is represents the will of the people?

          1. That trend is actually heartening. Can’t wait until it reaches the 80s.

            1. When everyone votes purely out of hate, the republic will be strong again.

              1. If they are going to keep putting up these choices, the start of the beginning of the first stage can begin.

              2. When everyone votes purely out of hate, the republic will be strong again.

                Better than voting out of some hysterical cultish belief that some politician is going to save you and make everything better.

                1. I was only slightly joking there. It would certainly be better than believing that politicians are going to save us.

    3. I never thought about it, but yes, whining is an alpha tendency. It makes people pay attention, and do something to make the whining go away.

      1. It seems like it’s just manipulation masquerading as whatever alpha male tendencies are supposed to be.

      2. Yeah, I remember how in all of his Spaghetti Westerns, Clint Eastwood, while looking grizzled and chomping on a cigar, would say “Ugh, like, this is so unfair how you’re all ganging up on me!”

        If an activity is something generally engaged in by 4 year old girls, I don’t think it’s a sign of your impressive masculinity.

        1. Good point.

        2. Clint Eastwood didn’t really play alpha males though. He was a lone wolf. The alpha was the guy he outsmarted

      3. I think whining is a human tendency, alphas just have more yes-men to bend over backwards at their cue which makes the whining look like leadership.

    4. If you’re pulling 25-30% that means primary voters are voting against you by 70-75%, you stammering ape. That’s the point of a primary, finding a candidate a majority of primary voters would find acceptable and sending that candidate to the general. Right now a solid majority wants anyone but Trump.

  29. Civil suit: Police & FBI undercover agents beat me unconscious.

    Side note: There was an earlier case against the alleged victim – he was charged with fleeing and eluding, resisting arrest, etc. A friend of mine defended him where a not guilty verdict was the result.

    One of the cops allegedly involved in the suit asked bystanders to delete any video they may have captured of the incident.

    1. “One of the cops allegedly involved in the suit asked bystanders to delete any video they may have captured of the incident.”

      Innocent people do that all the time – demand the deletion of evidence of their innocence.

      1. I find your lack of faith disturbing.

  30. I was walking through CU this morning. There’s a few trump chalkings around campus. Someone has amended them to say “love trumps hate”.

    I find this much better than running into a corner.

    1. love trumps hate

      They do realize that is an, err, mixed message, I hope?

      1. I think the ambiguity as to whether an apostrophe was unintentionally left out allows lots of people who disagree with each other to agree the message is a fine thing. 🙂

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