Police Looking for Suspects Who Challenged Teens to a Rap Battle. That's It.
Quite the close call, said no one.


Imagine a world where a brief encounter between young people and strangers does not automatically warrant police involvement—or a news report.
Now imagine you were in central Massachusetts yesterday where the behavior described in the story below—strangers inviting teens to a rap battle—took place, in broad daylight. Would you call the cops? The TV stations? Would you beg "anyone with credible information about the incident" to call, as if there'd been a mugging, or murder?
The 2016 answer is yes, as this story from WCVB attests. I'm reprinting it in its entirety in case you might otherwise assume I'm leaving out some salient details, like, "all the young men had guns," or, "a small amount of heroin exchanged hands," or even, "the driver appeared to be Kanye West."
BOSTON —Police in central Massachusetts are warning residents to be on the lookout for men who may be challenging passersby to a rap battle.
Charlton police said a black SUV with two or three men in their late teens or early 20s inside, pulled up to three young teenage boys on Dresser Hill Road at about 3 p.m. on Saturday.
One of the men — described as having brown hair and a pale complexion, wearing a gray T-shirt, gray pants and open-toed sandals — got out of the vehicle and started rapping while the other men asked the boys if they wanted to "spit some bars" with them.
When the boys declined, the SUV drove off.
"Although this was suspicious behavior and frightening to the boys, nothing made this appear to be an attempted abduction," Charlton police posted on Facebook.
Anyone with credible information about the incident is asked to call 508-248-2250.
Phew! That was a close one. Certainly the last thing we want to see kids doing is bursting into song.
So, Charlton citizens, you've been warned: Suspiciously musical young men are out there. Let's bring them in for questioning, before they become a one-van rhyme wave.
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Well done, Lenore. Someone should be along with a narrowed gaze soon enough.
But, but....imagine what Could have happened.
They could have got served! SERVED.
'It's Butters' 'That's me!'
That's why they need the cops to assure people that it's not on, nothing is on, it's off.
Hold on a second, clam-head! You think you can just roll in here and tell us it's not on when it very clearly is on?!
"Lock them up and throw away the key!"
/Judge "moderate" Merrick
You know who else wore open toed sandals.
Everyone who has ever worn sandals?
+1 pair of assless chaps
Surf nazis?
Hamilton rip-off rappers on the lam from Times Square
Be dueling and fooling the bros up in Ayer
Jesus?
Nah, he was a Five Fingers guy.
Dammit.
http://us.vibram.com/homepage
Caesar?
Panic!!
Hang the MC, Hang the MC, Hang the MC
Along with 101% of everything else we're reading in the news, this is a joke, right?
Right?
Right?
It's obviously Mark Zuckerberg.
Niggers and their drive-by poetry. Fucking punk-asses.
I much prefer your poetry.
It's all mindless bluster... wait- fuck! Bluster of the lower-case 'b' grade.
So, you're saying its *juvenile bluster*?
One of the men ? described as having brown hair and a pale complexion
I think you mean naggers.
Sand naggers ?
There's gonna be trouble.
With a capital T and that rhymes with B and that stands for Blacks.
*fast clap*
*fast clap*
Jesus Christ, do you people not even know that "spit some bars" is the latest teen slang for shooting up some marijuanas while raping baby kittens? It's like you cats ain't even hep to the lingo these days.
No,no,no,it's puppies and meth.At least in Florida.
Yeah, but its *always* meth in Florida.
What is it in Ohio?
That's right daddy-o.
I thought it was Xanax and Spice.
What's next if this keeps up? Dance-offs? How will our children survive if they get served?
A safe space on every corner!
I feel more and more that Lenore's articles are the most frightening articles posted on Reason
Even worse,line dancing could break out.Oh the humanity.
Or a drum circle.
*shudder*
Sure it starts off as a rap battle. But it ends with a shoot out. It's the updated version of West Side Story.
How the hell do you dance and click your fingers with a Glock in one hand And the other on your crotch?
Do they tie their wrists together before they blast each other with sideways pistols?
I actually once nearly started a riot at an *ultimate frisbee* match by making a West Side Story reference.
true story.
That is the whitest thing i have ever heard.
Actually 80% of the kids there were Asian, so yes = it was indeed the whitest thing ever.
West Side Story is the most unrealistic movie ever made. Not because the street gangs dance ballet. It's when the guy runs through Spanish Harlem shouting "Maria! Maria !" and only one girl comes to the window.
You know who else tortured us with delightful puns?
The guy who put the "germ" in "Germany"?
(NSFW)
Be honest. You wouldn't have even written this article if it didn't give you a change to include that "rhyme wave" joke.
If dey be in yo face, shelter in place.
Thank heaven the police put out an All Poets' Bulletin.