Free-Range Kids

4-Year-Old Boy Recommended for Counter-Terrorism Program After Saying 'Cooker Bomb' Instead of 'Cucumber'

Everything is dangerous.

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Preschool
Dreamstime

A 4-year-old boy who mispronounced the word "cucumber" as "cooker bomb" so freaked out his pre-school teachers that they recommended him for a de-radicalization program.

This happened in Britain, where nursery staff clearly couldn't keep a stiff upper lip when faced with all the horror that is a pre-schooler with pronunciation problems. In their defense, it wasn't just the way the boy garbled the name of the salad staple. He had also drawn a stick figure of a man cutting that vegetable with a giant knife.

No wonder they wanted to ship him off to the counter-terrorism brigade! That's two counts against the radical little rugrat.

As we know very well in America, even the drawing of a weapon can be considered a weapon. Remember the boy with autism who drew a Wile E Coyote-type of bomb (at home) and was suspended? So we can hardly blame the Brits, whose educators have been instructed to report any and all "extremist" behavior to the authorities. For what is more extremist than a boy who draws a stick man (really, mostly a stick-head) cutting a cucumber?

The boy's mother was so upset that she waited months to public about the incident, though it occurred in November, according to the Telegraph. That paper also reports that she engaged in this exchange with the pre-school staff:  

"I said: 'When you look at me, from where do I look like a terrorist?' and she [staff member] said: 'Well, did Jimmy Savile look like a paedophile?'" the mother told the newspaper.

So there you have it: If you look and act like a terrorist, naturally you become a suspect. But if you don't look or act like a terrorist—if, in fact, you look like a kid who's not about to win any awards for art or articulation—naturally you become a suspect, too.

Which means we are all suspects. Even preschoolers.

NEXT: Brickbat: Star Teacher

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  1. To be fair, the Brits know how violent people with speech disorders can be

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAgLhr6sHtc

    1. Just bend over and take it. No one is going to do anything when their government officials come into their living rooms with guns drawn for doing nothing.

      This will go on for another 10 years until conditions get miserable for enough people to possibly unite and revolt. By then, too late.

      Once Apple caves, whatever might have been left of privacy is gone then too.

      The idiocy of the masses is reaping the consequences. Just get ready for march madness.

  2. I’m convinced they just didn’t like the kid and are vindictive. They can’t be that stupid…(Yes, I know they really can be)

    1. Plus he’s four years old, and they never speak clearly in the first place. It would be real easy for a teacher to mishear something she wasn’t paying attention to, especially if his voice grated on her ears and she didn’t particularly like him.

  3. Can’t we secede from Britain already?

  4. Well, you just can’t be too careful. With all the radical imams running around recruiting toddlers and everything.

  5. If he meant to draw a picture of a man with a large knife cutting up a cooker bomb I say give him a medal. Knighthood or whatever weird shit they get up to over there.

  6. ‘They can take our lives,but,they an never take ..our cucumbers”!

  7. . . . a Wile E Coyote-type of bomb . . .

    *sigh*

    Kids these days.

    1. I know. I mean, Wile E. usually purchased ACME products which were misapplied or misused. He rarely built his own bombs – if ever.

      1. When I was a teenager we use to set off M-80’s and M-40’s. One time we set off Roman candles on the town square. Didn’t get caught,although I doubt the punishment would have been as severe as today.I guess I was a terrorist by today’s standard.

        1. I have some bad news for you – you just posted a reference to explosive devices, which now makes you a terrorist. There’s no “was” about it.

          1. I knew the risk when I posted.

            1. And you just confessed to it…I have heard pretty convincing rumors (sic) that the Justice Department trolls this site. Best get your lawyer and work out a plea.

      2. *sigh*

        Kids these days.

        1. We need more of Peck’s Bad Boy.

  8. If the British Empire and Commonwealth lasts a thousand years, men will still say, this was their dumbest hour.

    1. All the real men in Britain died on Omaha Beach.

  9. Wait a second: Jimmy Saville did look like a pedo. He fit the stereotype perfectly.

    1. There’s a different scale used for British men.

      1. An American pedophile is roughly equivalent to a British 8.

    2. I would have responded by telling the teacher she doesn’t looke like a pedophile, either.

  10. This reads like a Monty Python sketch–where the Department of Child Abuse is responsible for abusing children.

    I don’t know what the long term effects are of treating children like terrorists for mispronouncing things, but they can’t be good.

  11. A culture of useful idiots is dysfunctional. Where is my surprise face?

  12. You do realize the terrorists are winning, right?

    1. Well,yes and BTW,if you see Warty with a cucumber,run.

      1. That’s no cucumber, that’s a battle station.

        1. *cough* …fully armed and operational….*cough*

  13. As a side note, while you might be thinking of a “cooker bomb” as what the Boston Marathon bombers used – a pressure cooker bomb – a “cooker” in England is what we would call a “stove”. So what does “cooker bomb” even mean, what does a “cooker bomb” look like to a Brit? The same thing a “stove bomb” would to an American, presumably.

    1. what does “cooker bomb” even mean

      Obviously the kid meant napalm. Must I explain *everything*?

      1. If I had a kid talking about a “stove bomb” my first thought would be “what the hell are you talking about?” but my second would be “ummm, kid, are your parents cooking stuff on the stove that regularly explodes and are you familiar with the word ‘meth’?”

      2. I assume the pressure-cooker (great, now I’m on a list), variety, a llah (pun intended) Boston Marathon.

  14. In a sane world: A 4-year-old boy who mispronounced the word “cucumber” as “cooker bomb” so freaked out his pre-school teachers that they recommended him themselves for a de-radicalization program.

  15. I never realized that as a kid, by mispronouncing Hamburger as “Hagamer” and Florida as “Flori-duck” (Because Donald Duck lives there, duh) I was giving comfort and aid to terrorists.

    1. I was a very polite child, but unfortunately mispronounced “Thank you” as “Fuck you.” Thus the course of my life was set.

      1. I once ate three tubs of cottage cheese to piss off my mother.

        Gilmore thinks I’m lying, so I guess I must be.

    2. Be glad nobody ever caught on to the horrifying fact that your mispronunciation of ‘spaghetti’ was ‘pbuh– sketti’. “

    3. I have an older friend who intentionally called the southern armored possum an “armadildo” to sow confusion and disorder among his childrens teachers.

      1. Maybe he was just talking about this? (Probably NSFW)

        1. I’m a little concerned you had that link ready to go, your holiness.

          1. Hey, you spend 20 min. in a German prison you see things man…

  16. For what is more extremist than a boy who draws a stick man (really, mostly a stick-head) cutting a cucumber?

    Send it into iambetterthanyourkids.com.

  17. http://www.huffingtonpost.in/2…..56542.html

    When the staff kept insisting that the child be sent to the de-radicalisation programme, the mother refused: “She was adamant I had to sign it and I said, ‘well I’m not going to because I don’t agree with what you’ve written’, and I said I’m not a terrorist, my son is not a terrorist’.”

    The Bedfordshire nursery eventually did not report the case to Channel but instead reported it to a panel which included police and social services, who decided that there was no need for further action.

    So the parents told the staff to sod off without anyone being disappeared and ultimately the “proper authorities” decided it wasn’t a problem (probably the phrase “bloody stupid” was uttered once or twice). It’s a damned stupid mess, no doubt, but I think overselling it by omitting key details really shouldn’t be needed.

    1. No, Susie; we need to nip this shit in the bud.

    2. I don’t think they oversold it at all. The fact that he was “merely” recommended is unbelievably outrageous.

    3. Ever hear the term “the process is the punishment”?

    4. Yes and yes (and I don’t think “damned stupid” is a compliment, BTW) it’s just my usual pet peeve of going “ZOMG!!1! 1984 IS HERE!1!!”. Anyone who follows up on it ends up with the impression that the actual events really aren’t as bad as they first thought – and, hey, no big deal. Better to be thorough upfront and hope people don’t need any help thinking it’s BS.

      1. I’d have to agree. When the truth is bad enough, why embellish or leave stuff out?

      2. Was the staff who made the initial recommendation fired? If so, you are correct.

      3. Good counterweight.

    5. So the parents told the staff to sod off without anyone being disappeared and ultimately the “proper authorities” decided it wasn’t a problem (probably the phrase “bloody stupid” was uttered once or twice). It’s a damned stupid mess, no doubt, but I think overselling it by omitting key details really shouldn’t be needed.

      IDK, there’s plenty of libertarian meat to be had. The UK gives free childcare 2-4 or something similar and I’m sure the de-radicalization program is publicly funded. So, I’d be astounded if the issue weren’t systemic.

      Even then, while this does sound like the typical ‘war on boys’ story we hear on this side of the pond; it’s still pretty creepy to hear that, anywhere in the Western World, public officials are deciding against the parents’ wishes to send a 4-yr.-old to a re-education camp.

  18. The boy’s mother was so upset that she waited months to public about the incident, though it occurred in November, according to the Telegraph.

    Is “public” now a verb everywhere, or just in the UK?

    1. We can verb a noun anytime we want. Live it up!

  19. Humanity needs to set up a real safe space, free of this sort of foolishness: someplace where people can say and think things that might not be what self-important “leaders” want them to say or think.

    Oh, wait, we tried that. It was called The United States of America.

  20. Well, to be fair, the day before the child tried to say “tomato” and it came out “I’m going to rip off your head and shit down your neck”… it’s a scouse thing…

  21. “Counter-Terrorism Programs” are actually like the DARE programs – they produce terrorists. They even hand out flyers on the street with titles like “Is your child already radicalized? Here’s how to find out:”

  22. I guess the UK public education system is an employment program for the mentally challenged, much as it is in the US.

  23. They went peak derp. You never go peak derp. Duh.

    1. Peak derp will be the rap issued from the oval office extolling the warnings against misspoken vegetable pronunciation.
      To be followed only by the next appeal for us all to be nice to each other….and basically any other normal function of life in which these dumb shits think people will actually listen to.

  24. Boy who can’t say “cucumber” terrorized by vegetables.

  25. Terrorism also includes looking at the UKIP web page.

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  28. do the Brits really have a counter terrorism program for four year olds and what could they even teach? Since this is St. Patricks day and they had a lot of issues with the IRA maybe they do have a program there? either way its Orwellian

  29. I don’t know which is more disturbing, that a pre-school needs a hotline to the Home Office, or that the pre-school staff would even consider this a problem. At least the police and social services had the good sense to drop the matter.

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  31. RE: 4-Year-Old Boy Recommended for Counter-Terrorism Program After Saying ‘Cooker Bomb’ Instead of ‘Cucumber’

    He’s a terrorist all right.
    Every terrorist must meet age requirements.
    He’s a little old for the job, but I’m sure he can do his duty.

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  33. “If you look and act like a terrorist, naturally you become a suspect. But if you don’t look or act like a terrorist?if, in fact, you look like a kid who’s not about to win any awards for art or articulation?naturally you become a suspect, too.”

    Except if you turn a clock into an IED timer in the same manner that actual terrorists do, and bring it to school, but happen to be of the same ethnic extraction as those terrorists, anyone who suspects you of terrorism is a dirty racist and you get invited to the White House.

  34. And another example of the ongoing crush of bureaucracy.

  35. There’s a point where insanity becomes dangerous, the USA has reached that point.

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