Sanders Surprise in Michigan, Marcomentum Waning, School Cop Caught Kicking Student Charged: A.M. Links

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  1. …Sen. Bernie Sanders saw a surprise victory in Michigan.

    More like the Great Larks State. Amirite, Hillary?

    1. Hello.

      1. Rufus, you’re falling down on the job!

        Slate reports on Canadian sperm shortage

        1. Canukistan probably makes donors pay child support.

        2. I CAN’T GET TO EVERYONE.

          1. Bring everyone to YOU. Duh.

            1. Now I’m confused. Who exactly is coming? And who is going?

          2. Canuck?

            Explains the relentless politeness and the “second best first commentator” title.

            If I find out Fist is Canadian…

          3. Excuses, excuses. Keep this up and we’ll be calling you Trudeau.

        3. Didn’t read the article, just wondering if Canada is no longer the Great White North?

        4. Too many pucks to the nads?

    2. Is that really a surprise though? Seems like Michigan is the perfect state for his brand of free shit.

    3. i, for the life of me, cannot figure michigan out

      1. This should help.

        1. But Yoopers are just a small subgroup, not representative of the whole. Although they’re the BEST subgroup, so……..yeah, there’s a message there…..

          1. Yoopers are Canadians that are allowed to vote in US elections.

      2. I’ve lived here for over 50 years, and I can’t, either.

      3. Michigan is bizarre – politically dominated by Detroit, the rest of the state, especially the west coast, is conservative and/or redneck. Heck Justin Amash is my rep. Our local government isn’t too corrupt either and hasn’t been dominated by special grievance groups.

        Michigan also doesn’t have drunk driving checkpoints – ruled unconstitutional by the Michigan SC – but there is also a strong Puritan streak, like laws passed to make sure strippers have to wear pasties and no lap dances.

        1. laws passed to make sure strippers have to wear pasties

          I dribbled coffee down the front of my shirt because of that one, Michigan.

          1. He means the nipple covers, not the upper peninsula’s favorite meal.

            1. Pasties are yummy. Big in northern Wisconsin too.

              1. My mom learned how to make them to accomodate my dad’s taste. She also made this Finnish meat-pie variation, that was a rolled & baked thing: bread (or breading) layered under ground meat, one more layer of breading on top, with “spices” on each layer (though Finnish food is notoriously not spicy), and rolled, then baked. MMMMM. Slice it when it’s cooked.

              2. That’s because of big nipples caused by the dairy industry.

  2. Donald Trump placed first in Republican contests in Michigan, Mississippi, and Hawaii yesterday.

    It’s a extrumpaganza! Welcome to the Trumperdome! Trumparama?

    1. master trump rules trump town

    2. master trump rules trump town

    3. master trump rules trump town

      1. So sayeth the squirrels.

        1. Hey!

      2. three trumps enter, no trumps leave

    4. Welcome to the Trumpalution.

      /watched Under Siege multiple times last weekend.

      1. Tommy Lee Jones’ best work.

        1. Wrong. It was firebirds. Seriously though, it was in Lonesome Dove.

          1. That is a very good choice.

          2. THE PARK IS MINE.

            You people are terrible at pop culture.

        2. What was the one where he was surrounded by hot young women wearing U of Texas gear? That is my vote.

    5. Trump can thank Kasich and Rubio for his Mich win. For a guy that gets 10s of millions in free media, he sure under performed and only leads by 90 odd delegates.

    6. If only those on the Left had a candidate named Bower, this would be the perfect election.

      1. Bob Euchre?

  3. Trump fared worst among millennials and female voters in Michigan and best with older voters.

    And which of those three groups votes in droves?

    1. The Bern-Victims in my social circles have been passing around the “Not voting is electing Republicans” image recently.

      It’s a shame all the idealists can’t be bothered to vote. “Ideally, I wouldn’t have to vote.”

  4. At the top of a manmade path Lady Nikki and Sugarfree came to a depression filled with thorny bushes, a garden in the desert. They went down among the plants, delighting in the unexpected find. Lady Nikki found herself filled with regret for the green planet she had left behind. If only none of us had ever been born, there would now be no pain, she thought to herself.
    “We’ll camp here and search for the Fremen tomorrow,” Sugarfree said.
    A voice from somewhere above and behind them said, “You need to get your water before dawn.”
    Lady Nikki and Sugarfree turned, seeing a troop of Fremen hiding in the shadows of the rocks above them. Dozens, at least.
    “You’re Stilgar,” Sugarfree called out to the man who had spoken. “The one Swiss Idaho told me of earlier.”
    “You know Swiss Idaho?” Stilgar said, stepping forward. “Yes, you do look like the boy he has spoken of. You shall join the tribe. But this woman here is untrained in the ways of the desert and would be a burden to us. We shall take her water for our tribe.”

    1. With a glance at Sugarfree, Lady Nikki had Stilgar unarmed and his arm pinned behind his back before he could react. Sugarfree for his part dove into the shadow of a boulder and had one of the Fremen pinned.
      “You did not tell us you were a weird woman!” Stilgar said. “That changes everything.”
      “Does it now?” Lady Nikki said. “Let’s make a deal. If you take my son and me under your protection, I’ll train your people to fight as I do.”
      “We accept,” Stilgar said.
      She let him go and he signaled to his tribe. They stepped out from their hiding places. There were nearly one hundred of them.
      “Let us return to the sietch before daylight,” Stilgar said. He called to a teen-aged girl. “Kristeni, come here. You accompany the newcomers and make sure they learn our ways of traveling.”
      Sugarfree was dumbfounded. The girl, Kristeni, was so captious. It was the girl from his dreams.

    2. “I don’t trust her, Stilgar,” Sarcasmis said. “You may accept the legends. You may accept her as reverend-mother. But I don’t trust her. She has too much water, too much fat, an off-worlder. I prefer my reverend-mothers skinny.”
      “Thing about what you’re doing,” Lady Nikki said, shading in a bit of Voice.
      “Silence, woman!” Sarcasmis said. “You’ll not use your weirding ways on me.”
      “What do you propose?” Stilgar asked.
      “Single combat. Me against her champion, the boy.”
      Lady Nikki longed to correct his grammar but the rules of the tribe prevented her speaking now.
      Sugarfree and Sarcasmis approached each other as the other tribe members surrounded them. They withdrew their crysknives. Sarcasmis was fast on the attack, Sugarfree faster on defense. But Sugarfree had trained in weapons combat using shields, and his attacks were slow.

    3. Sugarfree landed a hit on Sarcasmis’s hand. “Do you wield?”
      “Yielding is forbidden,” Stilgar called out. “This combat is to the death.”
      The combat began anew, sweat now soaking Sugarfree’s body. He pressed Sarcasmis hard, and Sarcasmis, in desperation, struck. Sugarfree knocked his hand away and plunged his knife into Sarcasmis’s chest.
      Instantly Fremen whisked the dead body away.
      “How does it feel to be a killer, Sugarfree?” Lady Nikki hissed at him.
      But before Sugarfree had a chance to consider her question, Stilgar stepped in. “Now you are truly a member of the tribe. What name do you choose?”
      “The mouse in the garden who refused to eat the sugar from the trap, what did you call him?” Sugarfree asked.
      “Muad’dib,” Stilgar said.
      “Than that shall be my name. Sugarfree-Muad’dib.”
      He thought about the death of Sarcasmis and its pointlessness, and a few tears rolled down his cheeks. Some among the Fremen saw this and whispered with awe, “He sheds water for the dead!”

    4. The Fremen gathered in the main chamber. Sugarfree noticed Kristeni wore green, the color of mourning. God, she was so callipygian. Stilgar stood before them.
      “It will soon be time to leave this sietch. Our Reverend Mother Invisible Furry Hand is too old to make the journey, so the time has come for us to initiate a new Reverend Mother.” He signaled and Lady Nikki came forward.
      The Reverend Mother IFH began to lead a chant and the Fremen responded. A girl brought a bowl of water. Lady Nikki recognized the potent smell coming from the bowl. It had been supersaturated with spice.
      Reverend Mother IFH lifted the bowl to her lips and passed it to Nikki. “Take a hit of this good shit,” she said. She pressed the play button on a suspensor player and the opening strains of Ghost of Perdition filled the air.

    5. Lady Nikki drank deeply and felt the spice suffuse her body. She felt a touch in her mind, knew it was Reverend Mother IFH. There spirits and memories mingled.
      Lady Nikki awoke. “Bring my son. He’s got to get in on this shit.”
      Sugarfree approached and Lady Nikki passed him the bowl. He drank down the rest of the water and immediately fell into a trance. In it, he could see all the possibilities of time spread before him. But so many ended in death, chaos, Fremen zealots spreading jihad across the galaxy. Only one path could avoid that fate. The Golden Path. And there was only one way for him to keep humanity on that path.
      Sugarfree wept.
      “Do you shed water for the dead again?” Kristeni asked him.
      “I offer moisture to those who have yet to die, but will,” Sugarfree answered.

    6. His body supersaturated with spice, Sugarfree slid down the hillside to the pool of water at its bottom. He found the sandtrout at the edge of the pool, already starting to encyst the enclosure. He picked one up in his hand, watching it create a leathery glove around his fingers. He picked up a second and a third, letting them create coarse interlacings from their extruded cilia. A few more sandtrout and his whole arm was covered, and then his chest. Attracted by the Spice in his blood, already he could feel them fusing into a single membrane, as the Spice overdose coursed through his blood.

    7. His skin now completely covered, pulsing against the immature Warty-hulud membrane, Sugarfree felt his consciousness surging, changing along with physical self. My skin is not my own. He could see all future paths and all the paths humanity had taken to reach this point in time, a vast web. And he realized this new membrane covering him could also move through time, functioning as a sort of?timesuit.
      He had seen the Golden Path, knew he could use this timesuit to move along the web of time, follow its strands, live out thousands of stories. No longer was he Sugarfree, although his old consciousness remained intact, but now joined by a Warty-hulud consciousness, encompassing and enhancing his old Sugarfree-self.
      Already he could feel his dual nature. His Sugarfree-self would remain, serving as the receptacle for memory, a scribe to record the deeds of the Warty for all-time. He shuddered for humanity, and what he was about to unleash on it. Thousands of years of his terrible rule was about to begin, the era of the God-Emperor Warty.

      1. See, i criticize Dune, and before you know it, I’m written out of the stories.

        1. I keep reading to see who gets cast where.

          It’s like an elementary school play version…

          1. I AM A FUCKING SENARY COMMENTER!

            I wasn’t even included.

        2. At least you weren’t killed.

          1. At least your death was actually described!

            1. Yeah. Killed by a diabetic. How pathetic is that?

              1. Ask SugarFree’s pancreas.

      2. That’s a good effort, but Dune parodies have kind of had their day.

        1. ooooh, I have a great idea for one though! what about a movie, starring, i dunno, patrick stewart and, oh, you’ll love this, sting!

          1. Next you’ll have someone milking a cat.

          2. Never ever watch that film in HD. The effects can’t stand up to the detail and it ruins the whole thing.

            1. I dunno. I thought it was kinda cool to see the effects in detail just to show how far technology has come since then.

              1. It makes it look like a bad 50’s science fiction set.

                1. That’s part of the charm!

              2. The funny thing is I actually like that movie. (There was a vitriolic screaming match about my opinion of the book)

                1. The movie got the tone and feel of technology (way past ours, but yet, still feels ancient) dead on. But, he went WAY off the rails with the “weirding modules” (although Maud-dib being a killing word was kind of cool), and the rain at the end just fucked the whole thing up. Paul WAS a kwisatz hadarach. But was NOT an actual messiah. From a physical appearance standpoint, Sting and Maclaughlin were both miscast. If anything, they should have been reversed.

                  And i never really got the sarduakar rubber suits.

                  The Syfy miniseries did a better job with the plot details, but the look of the uniforms and some of the tech was way off.

                  1. But, he went WAY off the rails with the “weirding modules”

                    That kind of ruined it for me. I guess maybe it would have been too difficult to cast or choreograph if the Fremen had all been shown to be the best hand to hand combat kind of fighters that they were supposed to be.

                    1. I think this was just a phenomenon of the times. Consider that the whole idea of “Boom Boxes” was a popular trend at this time.

                      Unfortunately, the use of a long distance weapon was as big of a flaw to the feudal world as lasguns were in the original book. The whole point of the personal shield was that it halted the ascendancy of the common man. Before the advent of the firearm, strongmen could spend their entire lives honing their fighting skills and subjugate entire regions. Then a peasant trained for weeks on a firearm gained the ability to topple him. It required the dissolution of the means of force, and thus empowered more people. The shield changed that dynamic, and gave feudal lords the ability to triumph again in the Dune universe.

                  2. To me the movie felt like they did a fairly good job with the first half of the book, then crammed the second half into the last fifteen minutes.

                  3. Sting and Kyle reversed? No–Feyd was golden, and Paul was dark, like his father–something repeated WAY too many times in the books.

                    And they did the rain scene because of Chani’s dream–of water falling from the sky.

                    And Paul WAS a real messiah. The Bene Gesserit built the idea, the genesis, the structure–by the time Paul was born the word ‘messiah’ meant Paul Atreides.

      3. I stopped reading at ‘Zensunni’.

        1. That incompatable hybrid of faiths was in the original source material

          1. That incompatable hybrid of faiths was in the original source material

            And it wasn’t in sermon’s story.

      4. Fuck your walls of text, asshole.

      5. So, here we sit, enjoying the endlessly marvelous piping here at the center of All Things, wondering what it is that we are reading. It is clearly Doomcock pastiche, or perhaps Doomcock fan-fic, but it has more of the Dune wrapped about it, the players move in those paths, barely straying even in name.

        And come, now, Nikki with a…….a………..can it even be spoken? A child?

  5. Attorney General Loretta Lynch asked not to be considered for the Supreme Court.

    She might actually get asked about her asset forfeiture abuses during confirmation. Might.

    1. She doesn’t want to be Borked and knows she has more direct ability to fuck with people where she is.

    2. Ha! That’s hilarious.

  6. A police officer stationed in a Baltimore school has been charged after he was caught on camera kicking and slapping a student.

    Just like Patton.

    1. “After” or “solely because”?

    2. As a consolation prize they gave Patton the 3rd Army. He did pretty well with it thanks to the help of Enigma.

    3. Well, it is a war.

      /coptalk

  7. Not-Trump beat Trump again.

    As the true winner take all states start up, that might change, but for now, that is all that is necessary to defeat him. Also, Rubio got 1 delegate yesterday. Why is he still in?

    I think the gop ticket will end up Cruz-Kasich.

    1. Not-Trump beat Trump again.

      I wonder how unusual that is when there are still 3 – 4 candidates on the ballot. Getting an absolute majority when the vote is being split that many ways is not easy.

    2. Something like 30% of GOP votes are cast before Election Day in Florida and Rubio, being a Florida politician, has been mining those. If he starts out with 50% of the early vite, he can probably win FL and then its a brokered convention unless California and NY and Illinois all go Trump.

  8. A two-fer: Evidence AGW is not happening AND a warmist scandal:

    NOAA Radiosonde Data Shows No Warming For 58 Years

    In their “hottest year ever” press briefing, NOAA included this graph, which stated that they have a 58 year long radiosonde temperature record. But they only showed the last 37 years in the graph.

    Here is why they are hiding the rest of the data. The earlier data showed as much pre-1979 cooling as the post-1979 warming.

    1. You know, my newspaper’s weather section has the local temperature records for the day, and the record highs are almost always from the 1930s. I’ve always wondered how that fits into the global warming narrative.

      1. The sinusoidal temperature patterns support a solar model of climate, which utterly destroys the narrative as cast by the warmists who blame humanity for it all.

      2. It was the result of all that carbon spewing into the air from the shut down factories

      3. Obviously Global Warming is at fault for the Great Depression.

        1. Global Warming has been at fault for many Great DerpSessions.

      4. When West Texas was suffering from the worst of the drought a few years ago, the local paper ran articles about the much worse droughts that hit the region in the ’50s and the ’30s.

        So while the AGW loons were screeching about “catastrophic” climate “change” and pointing at the drought, the people with actual first-hand experience were saying “meh, we’ve seen worse.”

        And, by worse, they meant several years without a drop of rain, not a few years with below-average rain.

  9. “A police officer stationed in a Baltimore school has been charged after he was caught on camera kicking and slapping a student.”

    David French furiously prepares his next article in defense of the cop.

    1. I imagine him like the voyeur who saw his wife cheating through his bedroom window. There he was, jerking off and crying.

  10. Attorney General Loretta Lynch asked not to be considered for the Supreme Court.

    Was she asking nice?

  11. Trump fared worst among millennials and female voters in Michigan and best with older voters.

    Get off my lawn… and in to my kitchen.

    1. To the tune of Billy Ocean.

  12. “Sen. Bernie Sanders saw a surprise victory in Michigan”

    The last Michigan surprise I experienced was when I was a kid and my dad bought a Cutlass Ciera. Nobody in the family’s ever made the mistake of being a GM car ever again.

    1. If I had to be acar, I would opt for something sleek and European.

      1. Live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse?

    2. My first car was a 1989 Cutlass Ciera. You could fit two kegs of beer in that trunk. I literally drove that thing until the engine block cracked.

      1. 1977 Buick Electra. You could fit four comfortably or stack nine people in the back seat.

      2. My first car was an 89 Buick Park Avenue.

      3. 1976 Chevy Suburban aka the Rusty Partymobile

      4. ’68 Firebird 350 with a 400 engine swapped in. Red with black vinyl top – such were the cars from that era.

        My mom’s ’84 Nissan truck, which I eventually got, was so dependable compared to the GM cars in our fleet. After that my dad became a Nissan guy, racking up 200k miles on a ’87 Stanza before buying another one for his job.

      5. 1989 Cutlass Supreme here! Drove until totaled.

      6. 1939 Chevrolet Master Deluxe…bone stock. Carried me through high school in style. Sure it had no AC, had less than 100 gross HP, etc. But some chick described it as sex on wheels so its was pretty cool.

      7. 1978 Chrysler Cordoba.

        400 cubic inches and corinthian leather FTW.

        1. What’s the point of a 400ci engine if…

          With this big engine, the Cordoba easily beat the Buick Century Regal and Ford Granada in acceleration (based on Car & Driver which recorded a 0-60 time of 9.3 seconds)

          1. Could be wrong, but my understanding was that a larger displacement allowed for possibly longer lasting parts, or cheaper parts lasting the same time. it takes longer to get the engine moving quickly, which lowers the chance of total failure. I’m also fairly sure Detroit had an ongoing pissing contest for the biggest v8, with no regard to function.

      8. That sounds more like the Cutlass Supreme. The Ciera was a Chevy Celebrity with nicer trim.

        I had a lot of experience with both from that generation. The Supreme was my first car and a fantastic piece of machinery. I learned how to drive in my grandmother’s Ciera and that car made me understand why GM was so eager to kill off Olds.

      9. ’57 Chevy Bel Air.

      10. 1970 Galaxie 500 station wagon. I could haul a platoon around and people in the backseat were like 20 feet away from the driver.

      11. A whole week?

    3. My sister’s slogan for driving in Detroit was “we make the cars, we don’t’ have to learn to drive.”

    4. We had a 90 cutlass Ciera with 3.3 v6 when I was 9. We had that car forever, until my sister totaled it. I think it cost 9k new.

    5. I used to make Cutlass Cieras and Chevy Celebrities during summers in the Framingham Massachusetts plant. Complete shitboxes.

    6. I had a 1966 olds f85 for a while…absolutely unkillable. I loved that car.

    7. 90′ Ford Mustang LX 5.0 Hatchback.

      God I loved that car.

      1. Ironically it was hit by a 1977 buick cutless supreme

  13. Oil company welfare … oops, the opposite; it’s a shakedown.

    US oil refiners paid over $1 bn to produce ethanol-infused gasoline in 2015

    US oil refiners paid more than $1 billion to comply with rules to produce more ethanol-infused gasoline last year, the most in two years, according to filings that will likely intensify the debate over who should foot the bill for the nation’s biofuels program.

    Eleven companies, including Valero Energy Corp and Marathon Petroleum Corp, shelled out $1.27 billion last year for credits, known as Renewable Identification Numbers or RINs, as they raced to stock up on paper credits to meet ethanol quotas set by the government after years of delays, according to securities filings reviewed by Reuters.

    Uncertainty over the Environmental Protection Agency’s plans for its biofuels policy through 2016 also boosted prices of the renewable fuel credits, which were on average 14 percent higher last year than in 2014.

    1. Keep in mind that our price at the pump would be even lower if it weren’t for that ethanol mandate.

      And we would be getting better fuel economy.

      And our engines would last longer.

      And we wouldn’t be cause food price inflation.

      1. Not to mention the 18.4 cents/gallon federal tax, and state taxes that average about 24 cents/gallon. Subtract those and we would have gasoline under a buck/gallon in some places.

        1. But roadz!

          Actually, if gas taxes went to dedicated funds to pay only for roads, that at least would be closer to the idea of a user’s fee.

          1. I’d have no problem with that. But instead I see the money go to bullshit projects.

      2. Food price inflation needs more attention. I live in MX about 1/2 of the year, and the increase in the cost of their staple food (corn) over the last 20 years seriously screws people who make less than 20 bucks a day. The Peso’s weakening from 12 to 1 (vs the USD) to 18 to 1 hasn’t helped them either- though it’s a great time for Muricans to visit

    2. This is a perfect example that the idea of “regulatory capture” as the left looks at it, is completely bass-ackwards. Regulations are enacted. Then companies try to figure out the myriad ways to navigate them (all while driving the cost of whatever they are producing up, and driving efficiency down). Then they are given tax breaks or credits for certain “good doobies”, so of course they will take them. Then companies attempt to have some say in the regulatory process. Then of course, the larger companies realize that they already have created the infrastructure for regulatory compliance, so we don’t want to change the overall picture. That might allow some smaller start-ups to take market share on the cheap.

      It all starts with the regulators (i.e. government).

    3. “ethanol-infused gasoline” is ethanol-adulterated gasoline

      EPA coerces oil companies to spend enormous sums to provide the market with an inferior product.

      Meanwhile, the third-world poor face higher food prices and the additional land under cultivation despoils the environment.

      Government at its finest.

  14. “Sen. Bernie Sanders saw a surprise victory in Michigan.”

    So many Hill-shill Derpbook friends screaming this morning about a vast effort by GOP voters to vote for Bernie.

    1. Like the Oliphants grumbling about Donkeys running over to vote for Trump….

      MAYBE YOUR PARTIES HAVE A LOT OF F’D UP RESULTS BECAUSE YOUR VOTERS ARE LASHING OUT!?

  15. Attorney General Loretta Lynch asked not to be considered for the Supreme Court.

    She’d just have to recuse herself when the appeal of her conviction and sentencing comes up anyway.

  16. Ive been wanting to make a Dune joke all week, but sermon has ruined it for me.

    1. I’ve sucked all the oxygen out of the room! Unlike sandworms, who produce oxygen as part of their natural metabolic cycle.

  17. In Ohio, statehouse Democrats and voting rights groups are trying to overturn rules that prohibit 17-year-olds who will turn 18 by the general election from having their votes count in next week’s primaries.

    Why the hell are states running party primaries anyway? Shouldn’t the parties set the rules for who can vote for delegates to their convention.

    Does anyone know if the parties pay states to run their elections for them, or if it’s a giveaway?

    1. Weird. I voted in a KY primary at 17. That was way back in 1987. OH is behind the times.

      1. I also thought that was pretty standard.

    2. Why the hell are states running party primaries anyway?

      Because FYTW.

  18. WHERE MY COUNTRY GONE?

    1. Apparently it is playing microaggression-free cricket whilst contemplating the election of Supreme Overlord Hillatrump.

    2. The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.

    3. Hitler?

    4. Here you go.

      *hands Al a Johnny Cash CD.*

    1. With the new police-bots they will arrest those whom they predict to commit crimes, thus freeing society of all crime.

      1. If it might potentially help save just one life, aren’t we obligated to at least try?

    2. It just picks “cop” everytime?

      1. +something clever I’m not thinking of right now.

      2. + 1 immune sovereign.

  19. “Donald Trump placed first in Republican contests in Michigan, Mississippi, and Hawaii yesterday. Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, meanwhile, earned just single digit support in Michigan and Mississippi.”

    I’ll show some “single digit support” to all of them.

    .|..

    1. Someone cut off your thumb.

        1. Your thumbs are on the wrong side… freak!

          1. Clearly his arms are crossed.

        2. goalposts!

  20. Also, that “Dune” schtick is a bunch of crap – “Lady” this and “Reverend Mother” that. Everyone knows THERE ARE NO FEMALE LIBERTARIANS!

    But nice effort, Not a Sermon…

        1. It’s all the way down!

          1. Looks like sarcasmic accidentally the whole thread.

    1. Well, if you insist.

    2. Never on the first date.

  21. BALTIMORE ? Baltimore school officer charged after cellphone video shows him slapping and kicking teen.

    Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

    *Really*, AP?

    1. I thought that was kind of the point of the AP?

    2. Now you’re really gonna get it.

      1. ‘Your Honor, the so-called warning says “may not”, which clearly implies “may”.’

  22. Sanders Surprise in Michigan

    Do I even want to know what a ‘Sanders Surprise’ is? Is that something that Old Man With Candy would know or something more up Warty’s, um, alley?

    1. It can’t be worse than a ‘Biden Surprise’.

      1. Either way, you’re gonna have to get some antibiotics.

  23. Saw some more comments yesterday that Sanders is the “most libertarian” major-party candidate left. Don’t understand it. One of the comments said “aside from economic issues”, which, what? (Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?..) But fine, leave economics aside: still Sanders’s main campaign promise is repealing the 1st amendment. I’m not sure if it’s worse that he wants to kill it out of stupid principles vs Hillary wanting to kill it because she’s personally pissed that people use it to criticize her. (What’s the quote about a tyrant will eventually get bored of oppressing people whereas someone who thinks they’re doing the right thing will never let up…?)

    I am unexcited to say the least about Cruz, but Justin Amash’s endorsement goes a long way, and I’d be more likely to be happy with a Supreme Court nomination from him than anyone else left. And I did have a mildly positive opinion of him from when he helped Rand’s big filibuster. Not sure that really gets me to “yes I’d vote for him”, but there’s always Gary Johnson, right? Certainly I’ve voted for worse LP candidates. (Remember Badnarik?)

    1. Let me sum it for you, you can pick either Turd Sandwich or Giant Douche

      1. So you’re officially predicting a general election between Sanders and Trump?

        1. Throw in a Hillary indictment and let the fun begin!

    2. Badnarik was fine. Barr is the worst LP candidate I have voted for.

      I am hoping for Cruz, but voting for Johnson.

    3. Free to do anything you want – that doesn’t involve money or trade.

    4. Ah the Presidential Election years when the level of derp goes to 11. When “normal” sane people talk gibberish and jump up and down like cheerleaders at a high school football game. Me hatez it!

      1. Politics as sport. It’s vile and absolutely anti-intellectual.

    5. http://www.goodreads.com/quote…..r-the-good

      Here’s that quote for ya. C.S. Lewis has his moments.

      1. He is why I am a libertarian. Final nudge anyway.

      2. Great quote. While left and right seem to agree that govt+business=bad, it blows my mind how the blame gets put on business and the proposed solution is to further empower govt.

  24. Trump fared worst among millennials and female voters in Michigan and best with older voters.

    Don’t trust anyone over or under thirty.

  25. Trump fared worst among millennials and female voters in Michigan and best with older voters.

    Haven’t you ruined this country enough, old (and almost certainly white) men?

    1. Indeed. It’s young minority females’ turn to ruin the country!

      1. young minority females

        Finally an overlord I can get behind.

        1. What are their qualifications? Genetics will not be accepted as an answer, so race and sex are out as reasons.

          1. Can’t we just get back to watery tarts throwing swords around?

            1. Who picks the watery tart in the first place? How is she selected to hand out blades of command?

              1. I think possession of said blade gives you that power.

          2. Letting me get behind them is all the qualification I need. See what I’m saying…

  26. Sanders chances are looking pretty good with what states he has left. I can’t stand to have to listen to his supporters for another week at least.

    Saw one guy trashing Citizens united cause apparently it gives republicans an advantage in getting money or something

    1. The Berniebots are intolerably delusional

      The Clinton era is over. The new generation coming of age wants nothing to do with them. And since the Democratic Party has always been about the future, we would be wise to listen to the young people. And we all know who the young people want – men and women, white and black and hispanic and asian. The young people want Bernie!

      1. The Democrats supported a silver standard, slavery, and Jim Crow at various points.

        Normally I hate bringing that up because it’s stupid to attack a party based on what they supported sixty years ago, but when you claim the Democrats have ‘always’ been about the future, it’s pretty obvious you’re retarded.

        1. DU is always a treasure trove of retarded.

        2. “segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever”

          Seems pretty future oriented.

          1. Isn’t that the battle cry of the SJW and BLM crowds?

            George Wallace was ahead of his time!

            1. It does sound that way lately. At least on college campuses.

      2. I saw a bernie bot yesterday saying old people need to just go away.

      3. I saw a bernie bot yesterday saying old people need to just go away.

      4. since the Democratic Party has always been about the future

        Well, the future of 1930, anyway.

  27. Do you folks thinks Sanders takes the nom?

    1. Only if he can convince enough “superdelates”.

      1. Only if Hillary is indicted

      2. *delegates*

        *** gets coffee ***

    2. No way. It’s Hillary’s turn, it’s a woman’s turn, and they have the machine to make it happen.

    3. I think Bernie stays in, and if Hillary’s health collapses before the convention or she takes enough damage from the FBI investigation (due to leaks, not due to an indictment which is never going to happen), he’s the only replacement.

      I call it 50/50 at this point.

    1. OK, that made me snicker

      1. Typical Stones fan.

    2. For a moment I had hope it was a different George Martin.

      1. I think that was the joke

      2. His estate could publish the remaining works Tolkien-style, and we could finally put the thing to bed.

        1. I like his books, but they might actually be better if someone else wrote them.

          1. Or edited them. George, you have six different plots involving eighteen principle characters. Maybe now isn’t the time to introduce another narrative.

            1. Yeah, I really wonder if he actually has a plan to wrap it all up that he can possibly pull off before he dies.

              And I think you are understating the numbers of plots and characters.

              1. Yeah, I pulled the numbers out of my ass. And really, I don’t mind the length so much, just the wait. Martin looks like a tired old man, I don’t begrudge him taking his time. This asshole, on the other hand, seems like he’s milking the wait.

                1. I agree. The length I like. He’s created a really great fantasy world and I like seeing that well fleshed out. And so far, I’m pretty interested in all the plots. But the wait is a drag. Realistically, I’m not going to re-read it all and I’m already forgetting some or mixing it up with the TV show.

  28. This quote is accurate, but hilarious since it would be horribly bigoted if you said something similar

    “A New York Times/CBS News/Kaiser Family Foundation poll in 2014 found that 34 percent of jobless men aged 25 to 54 had criminal records.

    One obvious bit of advice to men here is: Don’t commit so many crimes! Women seem to be able to get by with a lot less lawbreaking. For whatever it’s worth, women also seem a lot less likely to send insulting, expletive-laden e-mails to economics columnists whose work they deem unsatisfactory. A lot of the problems men face in the modern workplace — and society in general — have come because they (we) are so prone to do and say stupid things.”

    For the record, this guy mentions that men make more money than women largely because men have better degrees and work longer hours, so the article isn’t an exercise in man-bashing. I’m just amazed someone could publish this when if he said it about any other group, he’d be considered the world’s worst bigot.

    Ex: “Message to Muslims: Don’t commit so much terrorism!” I don’t think that would go over very well amid the Beltway reporter class.

    1. Columnist to world: only men possess agency.

    2. “Message to Muslims: Don’t commit so much terrorism!”

      Well, that is pretty sound advice.

    3. Women seem to be able to get by with a lot less lawbreaking.

      Maybe they get away with it more often.

  29. “While Hillary Clinton took two of the three states that held primaries yesterday (Mississippi and Hawaii), Sen. Bernie Sanders saw a surprise victory in Michigan.”

    Now Sanders can have slightly more delegates when Clinton wins every southern state and 90% of the superdelegates and buries him anyway

    1. My Bernie-supporting friends are still completely in denial about this. It’s funny and pitiful.

      1. No kidding. Some guy on Facebook taunted an acquaintance of mine with the news that the gap in support between Hillary and Bernie is now in the single digits.

        Desperate.

    2. So how did the Michigan polls get things so wrong?

    3. You know those super-duper delegates can switch hit?
      If the people are calling for the Bern, the oligarchs and plutocrats of the Blue Team can vote for Bernie.

      …and only first few will die at the hands of the Klinton-gruppen.

    4. No kidding. The Repubs could take some lessons on how to fix the primaries for the preferred crony.

  30. anyone like my new tattoo?

    1. There’s a picture of a man who hates himself.

    2. How in the world did they ever I.D. the guy?

    3. *projectile-vomits coffee*

    1. My mother would still be smacking me. I’m not sure whether that’s worse than the instinct to reach for your camera and immortalize the act.

      1. Most of the messes could have been prevented if the parents had used common sense and you know, not left unopened paint near a toddler.

        1. This is why I don’t hit my children. If they destroy something at age 2 (for the oldest) I am squarely to blame. I mean, the little guy is smart and observant, but he can’t lie, sneak, or dissemble worth a damn. If he gets into something, he did it as soon as the idea popped into his head because I (or my eife) created an attractive nuisance. I still tell him he’s wrong and discipline him, but try to reserve my use of force to restraining only.

  31. Study: Japanese great tits employ syntax

    In a new study, an international team of evolutionary biologists reveal the use of syntactic rules by Japanese great tits, Parus minor, a passerine bird native to the Far East.

    Japanese great tits, also known as Oriental tits, have rather large vocabulary. Researchers recently cataloged their calls and their meanings.

    “ABC calls,” for example, are used by the birds to warn of approaching predators, like a sparrowhawk. A bird wishing to call over a friend or mate to the nest or a new source of food generally uses a “D call.” It translates to “get over here.”

    1. I had a really hard time deciphering the headline until I realized it was about birds.

      1. I thought it was a trope that the Japanese do not have particularly great tits.

    2. I get a lot of “D calls”, if you know what I mean.

    3. Generally the Japanese do not have great tits. Except for Sumo wrestlers.

    4. These aren’t the Oriental tits you’re looking for.

    1. Well, rest easy. OJ is behind bars now so you can share away!

    2. I am not sure what that is supposed to be. The photos were sold to humiliate her…because it’s shameful to have breasts? Chick topless on a beach. So what? Just about everyone in the world does it except bluenose Americans.

      1. bluenose Americans.

        Precisely why she could be humiliated. I know we have good reason to put down militant feminists, but her plight is the result of sexism.

    3. Not bad. It’s like she went out of her way to make herself unattractive in the OJ trial.

  32. Feds: Alabama man stole $196,000 in quarters

    “This defendant may have thought he had quite a haul when he took nearly $200,000 in quarters from the Federal Reserve’s coin storage at Brink’s, but now he carries a heavier load. He must repay the money and face a federal sentence.”

    The feds provided no motive in their news release, so it’s unclear if Dennis was possessed by some dark predilection for Pac-Man or vending machines.

    The two-bit crook — or more accurately, the 1.568 million-bit crook — was a money processing manager for the Brink’s Birmingham branch when he stole the money belonging to the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta, authorities said. As part of his plea agreement, the Justice Department said, he must repay Brink’s, which has already reimbursed the Federal Reserve.

    1. If I had a nickle for every quarter he stole, I’d still be a felon.

      1. I remember a story about 10 years ago, I think in Florida, where someone stole a huge truck full of nickels. I argued with my coworkers about it — my position being that several tons of nickels would be almost worthless because they’d be hard to spend or change (sorry) into real money, i.e. monetized (sorry again).

        1. Melt down all those nickles and enjoy a wealth of copper.

    2. You know who else carried a heavier load?

      1. Peter North?

    1. Trying to please everyone, eh Crusty?

        1. *inserts Commando reference*

          I’m sure you know which one.

    2. Woody Harrelson had those massive cans shoved in his face and he was paid for it.

      Sigh.

  33. Behind The Trump/Sanders ‘Revolution’: Angry White Men

    Perhaps more interesting, angry white males are sustaining the Sanders campaign, not just the Trump campaign.

    In Michigan, they kept him nearly even with Mrs. Clinton, offsetting her big advantage among women and among minorities. Among women, exit polls indicate, he finished just behind Mrs. Clinton. But among men, he won easily, 54% to 44%.

    Together, in other words, Messrs. Trump and Sanders are collapsing what had become, in the 1990s, something of a bipartisan consensus in favor of free trade. And angry white males, many of whom feel trade has marginalized their jobs and prospects, are leading the way.

    You know who else was an angry, white male…

    1. Angry white women support Hillary, so…

    2. I find the ‘angry white male’ canard so tiresome. How long is that fucking shtick going to keep working for them?

      1. Considering it’s losing both parties their primaries, it doesn’t appear to be working at all.

    3. Sam Kinison?

    4. I eagerly await the article on the gender gap plaguing both leading candidates.

    5. Moby Dick?

  34. Attorney General Loretta Lynch asked not to be considered for the Supreme Court.

    *breathes heavy sigh of relief*

    1. Something something, Chris Rock, not invited.

    2. The Lynchings will continue.

  35. “On Women’s Day, world reflects on reaching gender equality”
    […]
    “It’s been 107 years since the world began observing International Women’s Day, and yet no country has achieved full gender equality.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/world/ar…..877873.php

    It’s true! The men’s cosmetic counters stink.

    1. Let me guess: the quoted person believes “gender equality” means “equal outcomes for men and women,” right?

    2. What would be true gender equality exactly

      1. Men bearing children at an equivalent per capita rate as women.

    3. I STILL haven’t gotten my period!

  36. Officer forced to testify in Freddie Gray Case

    A Baltimore police officer charged in the death of Freddie Gray must testify against his colleagues while he awaits a retrial, Maryland’s highest court ruled Tuesday.

    The Court of Appeals did not give any reason for the decision, saying it would issue an opinion later. The case was unusual because Officer William Porter’s first trial ended with a hung jury. As he was awaiting a retrial, a judge ruled he had to testify against some of the officers charged in the Gray case but not others.

    The ruling comes just a week after oral arguments were held in the appeal, CBS Baltimore reports.

    The appeals court said he had to testify in all of the officers trials.

    Porter took the stand at his trial and said he didn’t do anything wrong during Gray’s arrest. He told a jury that it was the van driver’s responsibility to make sure Gray was secured in a seat belt.

    Could Porter simply plead the 5th? Or does the fact he testified in his own trial remove that right?

    1. The Court of Appeals did not give any reason for the decision, saying it would issue an opinion later

    2. Rights cannot be removed, only respected or violated.

      1. The correct term might be that rights were ‘given up’ by testifying. I understood that once you start testifying, you can’t suddenly claim the 5th. (I’m not a lawyer)

        1. There’s that, and there’s the issue about whether or not testifying against others will actually require him to incriminate himself.

  37. Major FB Derp:

    An Open Letter to Registered Democrats?
    We disagree on a lot of things.
    Registered as a Libertarian, I’m socially liberal and fiscally conservative

    …But I would come out to vote for Bernie Sanders. His integrity, caring, and passion are unparalleled — on either side of this race.
    Maybe he’s a democratic socialist. But maybe he’s a new breed?a libertarian socialist. While he wants to give free college, legislate everything, and redistribute wealth, he will also work to restore the civil liberties that have been stripped from us.
    And I would much rather give up my money than my rights? or my soul.
    Because, sadly, he’s also unique in that you can trust what he says. He isn’t serving other masters behind closed doors or changing positions based on which way the (rainbow) flag flies.
    Hillary is not the lesser of two evils. She is an equal evil, just draped in blue instead of red.
    Why should you care what one insignificant blue-state libertarian thinks?

    1. Thanks for reminding me that a whole lot of people just don’t know what “libertarian” means.

    2. I recall something about libertarians believing in private property.

      Because, sadly, he’s also unique in that you can trust what he says.

      I trust it to be absolutely wrong.

    3. There is only one candidate in the race who has a record of standing up for our rights and it aint Bernie fuckin’ Sanders.

      Someone should also explain to this idiot that if Bernie is making you give up your money he is making you give up your rights.

      1. There is only one candidate in the race who has a record of standing up for our rights

        Rand is out, FYI.

      2. Private property is an entitlement, not a right.

        /this is what Bern victims actually believe

        1. Unless it is their property

      3. That’s the astonishing part. I can’t respond because it is one of those posts that pops up where it says an idiot friend of mine liked the post but all I can do is read it.

        1. Your friend is not intelligent. Hopefully just very sarcastic?

          1. No, this friend is a moron.

    4. I’ll be charitable and interpret his “support” of Sanders as an indictment of the political class. People crave honesty (or what they perceive as honesty) from politicians so much that they’re willing to engage in cognitive dissonance.

    5. I like the way Doug Casey phrases it: Money is distilled life. Your money is your rights.

    6. I would much rather give up my money than my rights

      Somebody doesn’t understand “rights”, that’s pretty clear.

      1. He does not seem to get that with Bernie he will be giving up both (see Sanders standing against free speech and press).

    7. While he wants to give free college, legislate everything, and redistribute wealth, he will also work to restore the civil liberties that have been stripped from us.
      And I would much rather give up my money than my rights? or my soul.

      Whut?

      And it always baffles me when people call him uniquely caring or compassionate. His whole persona is that he’s a cranky old man, and not in the tough love kind of way, but the “you billionaires get off my lawn!” way. His rhetoric is envious and mean.

      But I guess “caring” just means ‘free’ stuff.

  38. Take care of your skin, dudes. Nothing feminine about keeping your sex shell sweet and creamy- no matter your fucking color. Women will slide their bodies and tongues all over you if you sheen it, smooth it, sweep it, and soften it while the inner man rips the heads off stacks of grizzlies and machines rivers of jizz.

    1. Have you ever been considered for Nobel Laureate?

    2. I don’t care, I’m not spending more money on disposable razors. The one I have has served me well these past five years.

      1. +1 face like shark skin

    3. Only AC can say ‘Use lotion’ in a way that makes people read and re-read and ponder.

    4. Agile, we would love to hear about your morning routine.

    5. *stands to lead stadium in thundering ovation*

    6. This is the best thing i have ever read. Hang on, i gotta go moisturize.

    7. You da man, AC. H & R’s poet laureate.

    8. “It puts the lotion on it’s skin or it gets the hose again.” /Reason commentariat member

    1. Hell, you posted it and I clicked, so who’s really the retard?

      1. we’re all winners… and by that I mean losers.

        I don’t mind a little Kim K noodz

      2. It’s retards all the way down.

      3. The correct answer, as always, is: Piers Morgan.

  39. Hold the front page!


    Keith Olbermann Moving Out of His Donald Trump-Owned Building”
    […]
    “Veteran broadcaster Keith Olbermann is moving out of his apartment in a Trump building because “the very name ‘Trump’ has degraded the public discourse and the nation itself.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/entertai…..879350.php

    That’ll show ’em
    And, bonus:
    “Olbermann, who is currently a free agent,”
    IOWs, the bozo got canned one more time.

    1. That’s hilarious. The guy’s so hard up for anyone paying attention to him that he has to try to use Trump-mania to get his name into the news. And then, you have the fact that this paragon of equality has spent the last nine years living in a gold-encrusted Trump building…

      1. The Homeowners Association probably raised the fee, and he couldn’t afford it.

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