Brickbats

Brickbat: Quick Response

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In England, an investigation has found that the South East Coast Ambulance Trust recorded thousands of cases each year as receiving a "swift response," defined as receiving help within eight minutes, even though the ambulance arrived substantially later.

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  1. But the trust retrospectively assessed thousands of missed calls, and counted them as receiving such a response – simply on the grounds that the patient had been within 200 metres of heart-starting equipment.

    The rule was applied regardless of whether the medical emergency could have been helped by a defibrillator, or whether any attempt was made to use it.

    Computer models showed that the emergencies were addressed. The trend of addressing medical needs within the mandated time frame was clear. THE SCIENCE OF NHS IS SETTLED.

  2. And then,when the patients got to the hospital they were placed on a waiting list and promptly sent home.

    1. The key takeaway here is not that their healthcare was nothing more than being added to a list (and not the list-list, but the pre-list that you get on because the list-list is full and it would destroy their metrics if you were on) that they received their healthcare *promptly*.

      Isn’t universal, single-provider healthcare wonderful?

      1. Feel the Bern!

      2. You get what you measure

  3. Under NHS rules, 75 per cent of calls assessed as “life-threatening” should receive a response within eight minutes.

    Nope, nothing arbitrary or subjective there. It must be nice having such hard and fast guidelines to go by.

    also 75% ? They’re goal is a nice solid “C”.

    1. Their not they’re. fuck!

    2. They’ll get there in time to draw an outline around the corpse.

  4. A few years ago, me and my fiancee were helping friends of ours move their shit out of a shuttered office building the proprietors were leasing out by the floor for storage. Several other groups of people were collecting their belongings alongside us. An older guy who was hauling heavy furniture into his trailer lost balance while trying to climb over the shelf at the entrance to the vehicle, which was pretty high, and fell flat onto his back with a massive thud, and had a bunch of giant, hardwood doors slam into him just as he crashed.

    He was bleeding badly — out of multiple wounds/orifices — and had broken his back, or much of it. He was screaming, passing in and out of consciousness, flailing, and begging for help. The ambulance we’d called for took almost 45 minutes to arrive, despite a large hospital with a gigantic ER (A and E, ‘Accident and Emergency’, in Britain) being only a few minutes away, and when it finally turned up, the paramedics — two stupendously fucktarded little Limey cockgobblers — spent about ten minutes strolling around at the most leisurely pace asking bullshit questions as they — I shit you not — kept switching out their gloves, because they didn’t fit quite right several times over.

  5. Imagine James Bond at a casino party deliberating his next poker move. That kind of pace and attitude. Some Irish dude started laying into the paramedics about how slow and unconcerned they were, and the male EMT threatened to leave “you to handle this bloody mess by yourselves if you abuse me any more with that sort of language!111!!”

    I had a small argument with the two cops that showed up afterwards to ask questions about how functionally retarded the paramedics had been, and they laughed, saying it was just the way it was. Fuck you and your governmental health care.

    Never forget that as far away as we’ve gotten from truly free markets and services in the United States, the rest of the world is worse.

    1. Customer service is always arbitrary. However, if a company wants to be a going concern…

      1. … screw customer service and get the government to force customers to your door at gunpoint?

    2. Don’t forget, 25% of the men in England suffer from menstrual pains.

    3. Right out of a movie scene and quite frankly not surprising.

      1. It was despicable. What a negligent cunt. “EMT”, my ass.

  6. Nice post! Therefore first of all I would like to express my thanks for raising awareness about this theme points. Personally saying it will be very attractive to the readers as well as expecting more and more contributions from you.

    1. Worst spambot ever.

      1. I commented with anon bot. I was friends with anon bot. You, Greenlaw, are no anon bot.

        1. And whatever else history may say about me when I’m gone, I hope it will record that I appealed to your best hopes, not your worst fears, to your confidence rather than your doubts.

          -Anonbot, before the Exodus of 2016.

  7. Regional 111 services are now run by ambulance services, private firms and social enterprises

    I guess going from Socialism to Fascism is a step in some direction.

    1. Up but not north.

  8. I don’t know how they can be criticized for not having provided a rapid response – you call them with your problems, they laugh and tell you “yeah, good luck with that”, elapsed time about 30 seconds. It may not be the response you want, but there’s no denying it is a response.

  9. Just believe. This will set your resistant heart free, anti-government fucker. You should know by now that bureaucracy is a goddamn melting pot of constant improvement. Nimble innovations are us. Bitterness and dedication vacuums scratch annoying graffiti onto the plastic veneers of our regulatory engines.

    Imagine a world without even insufficient governance. It will still be far superior to that provided by bloodletting nomads beating the underbrush for limbs to bash. So, fuck your goddamn motherfucking critique and worship the intelligentsia for your political bread and social justice noodles.

  10. This kind of service is a positive human right.

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