Reason Weekly Contest: Social Justice Training Materials
Last week's winners revealed.


Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's question is:
Claremont College student Steven Glick was a tutor at his school's Writing Center until his right-leaning opinions were found to be at odds with the center's goal of creating a "safe space." Before he finally resigned, he was told to read a series of social justice articles, including "Heteropatriarchy and the Three Pillars of White Supremacy." Come up with the name of another article he may have been told to read.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to contest@reason.com. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "ARTICLE" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, March 7. Winners will appear on March 11. In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: We asked you to come up with the name of the next Apple device to foil the government. You tapped:
THE WINNER:
iRaq: The Feds can't figure out how to get anything out of it. -- Jay Stenmark, Madison, AL
SECOND PLACE:
The iHealthcare.gov -- Alex Listvinsky
THIRD PLACE:
iPoke -- Norm, New Park, PA
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
iLockUsuck
iDontKnow
iFYTW -- Norm, New Park, PA
iShotTheSherrif and iDidNotShootTheDeputy: Police body cam devices
Sure to foil the government: iBudget -- Joyce Farrell, Wautoma, WI
The iPod Nono, which automatically refuses government requests to decrypt its data. -- Charlie Mike
FourthAppmendment -- Andrew Zavage, Philadelphia, PA
cAPPLEtalism iOS: the market alternative to getting backdoored by Big Brother. -- Morgan A. Brown, Dallas, GA
uTried -- Sean, Camarillo, CA
Siri knows the 4th Amendment. Shall I read it to you, flat foot? -- Colin Blake, Boston, MA
iCan: 2 cans and a piece of string -- James Quigley, San Rafael, CA
iBrick Decoy phone: 128 bit encryption, no data
iWantmylawyer Emergency Phone by Apple -- Colin Blake, Boston, MA
Apple Pay - Feds are baffled that it requires you to have a positive balance before you can use it.
iFax - Most feds will be able to handle this, but will continue to tell Hillary that it's very complicated.
iWaswrong - Feds, especially elected ones, will never comprehend this product. -- Tim Whalen, Manassas, VA
iWon't
iNever!
NixOn (encryption app) -- Bob Magee, Stamford, CT
AND FROM THE COMMENTS:
Fuck You, That's Wi-Fi
Apple TV. It already foils everyone, especially its users.
iForgotMyPassword
iExplode
iCoin -- Apple's take on Bitcoin, seamlessly integrated with Apple Pay.
The Snowden Krokodil
iPleadThe5th
iCanteven
The iSIS
iCaramba
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"I'm A Monster, And So Are You. The memoirs of a white, heterosexual male in the twenty-first century."
Is that a sequel to "Would", by Crusty Juggler?
Crusty has Would Not Privilege envy.
I don't know that I can possibly come up with anything more ridiculous that what already exists in this category.
Yeah, it seems like a Poe contest.
Yeah, check out Jane Austen and the Masturbating Girl.
And perhaps the founding essay in this genre, from 1948: "Come Back to the Raft Ag'in, Huck Honey!"
""Come Back to the Raft Ag'in, Huck Honey!" argued a recurrent theme in American literature was an unspoken or implied homoerotic relationship between men, using Huckleberry Finn and Jim as examples. Pairs of men flee for wilderness rather than remain in the civilizing and domesticated world of women."
If there's anything I know about gay couples, it's their rejection of civilization and gruff affection for the wilderness.
Yeah, like my ex-bf and I who backpacked all the time. Nothing like some rough sex before breakfast, breaking camp and marching five miles with full pack.
Also, lesbians.
In fairness, the only gay couple I know irl are charming but a little effete, living in a bizarre facsimile of '50s-era domesticity. Their idea of living off the grid is owning a brood of chickens, over whom the (stay-at-home) partner preens incessantly.
No problem. Stereotypes exist for a reason. I have trouble finding men who are genuinely masculine enough for my tastes.
Now whether effeminacy is the natural condition of homos, or was a defense mechanism developed back in the closet days is a topic for another day.
And for the record (Sparky) I didn't go all "homophobe" on Commodius.
This mentions a cool title and certifies it as genuine:
Bill Prewett, Act 62: The Crimination of Peeping Toms and Other Men of Vision, 5 Ark. L. Rev. 388 (1951).
That is hilarious
What's Missing From Our Thanksgiving Menus? Justice for Farm Workers
What My Onstage Nip Slip Taught Me About Nipple Shaming
The Problem with 'Good' White Folks
This one is worth an excerpt
At least she's not so racist that she would call everyone with a particular skin color evil.
Wow, what society is this where white people never get called racists and are accompanied by an image of good?
Does this author live in an Aryan Nations compound in a remote rural area?
Home income source by collider.. I'm making over $5k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they ZS can make online so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life.
This is what I do, http://www.payability70.com
Pretty good entry, but needs more intersectionality.
Nice. +1 for the intersectionality bit.
Home income source by collider
Europe spent north of ten billion dollars for their collider, so $5k a month doesn't seem unreasonable.
"Cis-heteroshitlordism in the modern academic setting - a holisitc case for extinction"
"Breaking Down Barriers in a Cisheteronormative Society"
"Die in a Fire, Asshole: How To Have Constructive Dialogue With People With Different Opinions"
"The Male Feminist - One Man's Journey To Womanhood"
I think you missed "Caitlyn Jenner - Trans-traitor."
"You Touch Me You Rape Me: A Women's Guide to Campus Life"
"Male Gaze, You're Doing It Right Now"
"Face It, You'll Always Be A Racist"
"Face It, You'll Always Be A Racist"
That there is top notch.
You consistently give high accolades to the least humorous option. I'm beginning to think you don't fully grasp humor.
Are you an android? One with a particular ocular malfunction perhaps?
He certainly doesn't appreciate our hilarious, not at all contrived puns.
*narrows....*
Hey?!
Pwned. Well-done, lads,
"OSHA Guide to Safe Mattress Carrying"
"Harnessing Your Rape Fantasies Into Social Currency"
"It's Not My Job: a lengthy dissertation explaining in tedious detail why I'm not responsible for educating you heteronormative white shitlord men."
"Can I get some muscle over here? - A guide to press-academia relations"
"Crisitunity: scalp-taking through forced resignation."
Snake Handling for Fun and Profit.
Green Eggs and you're a Racist Ham.
The Boy Who Cried Micro-Aggression.
The Bubonic Plague: The White Privileged Disease.
Rethinking Gulags: Safe Spaces Ahead Of Its Time.
Rethinking Gulags: Safe Spaces Ahead Of Its Time
Please stop giving them ideas. This one I can actually see them running with.
"You Are Evil: A Racist's Guide To Being Ashamed Of Yourself"
Snow White and the Seven Pillars of Heteronormative Racist Oppression.
From Ayyy to Ze: Gender Identity and Happy Days, a Critical Analysis
+1 jumped shark
Pinocchio: Why he had to lie in order to smash the patriarchy.
How Climate Changed Jack's Beanstalk.
Five Ways Climate Changed The Way We Fuck.
Finding your safe space in a world filled with white devils. With illustrations:
http://www.arch.columbia.edu/f...../mag6/Jane Alexander-Butcher Boys.jpg
Trans-Gendering your way to Winning (forward by Jack Welch).
Hope this works:
http://bit.ly/1UFm6F3
The Myth of Objective Reality.
The Dissed Position Matrix: A Guide to Knowing Just How Offended You Are Allowed to Be
Ugh. Meant to type "An Intersectional Guide..."
No Means No And So Does Yes: The Myth of Consent
I think it was Irish that last week posted a link to some radfem blog article about how hetero sex is always rape.
Heteropatriarch vs. MechaHeteropatriarch.
well done
"Just Don't Talk"
Stack overflow: An investigation into how, by punching down on women, gays, many racial, and most religious minorities, a group can trigger an integer overflow in its oppressor rating that actually places it on top of the progressive stack.
I guess that would be more of a technical than a training discussion, though.
Also known as "Bidening."
Is this kind of stack progressive or non-progressive?
Everybody's a Racist but Me. A Journey of Self Discovery and Love.
How about, "I'm willing to nominally concede I'm a racist, but I'm just doing that so I can call other people racists."
I recommend "Man Inside Me" by Dr Tobias Funke
Mental Dams. Safe Conversations for a Safe Community.
"Always ask for permission"
Slate helped me find some good real-world ones.
Chemical processes in the deep interior of Uranus
Ricky Chau, Sebastien Hamel & William J. Nellis
AffiliationsContributionsCorresponding author
Nature Communications 2, Article number: 203 doi:10.1038/ncomms1198
Received 15 April 2010 Accepted 19 January 2011 Published 22 February 2011
Can J Urol. 2009 Aug;16(4):4757-9.
An unusual penpal: case report and literature review of posterior urethral injuries secondary to foreign body insertion.
Forde JC1, Casey RG, Grainger R.
Sci STKE. 2004 Apr 20;2004(230):RE6.
Carbon monoxide: to boldly go where NO has gone before.
Ryter SW1, Morse D, Choi AM.
FROM URETHRA WITH SHOVE: BLADDER FOREIGN BODIES. A CASE REPORT AND REVIEW
Arif Nazir MBBS1, Linda C. Runyon MD1 andSandeep Chowdhary MBBS2,3
Journal of the American Geriatrics Society
Volume 54, Issue 9, pages 1477?1478, September 2006
J Surg Oncol. 1998 Jul;68(3):141-3.
A "rose is a rose is a rose is a rose," but exactly what is a gastric adenocarcinoma?
Appelman HD, McKenna BJ.
http://www.slate.com/articles/.....itles.html
"I Said I Wanted a VENTI Skinny Latte: A Social Justice Warrior's Guide to the Workplace"
"Literacy and White Male Privilege: If You Can Read This, You Are a Shitlord."
"SWATting the WASP: why white privilege should be punishable by prison"
"You're White, That's Why"
Self-Immolation: A user's guide on how to address your White Privilege
Malleus Maleficarum: The Hammer of Witches Which Destroyeth Witches and Their Heresy As With a Two-Edged Sword, 1st edition
I'm Ofay, You're Ofay
DSM-IV Achievement Guide
Heterodoxy and the Three Delusions of Fascist Wankers
Seriously. There is no way I could make up anything more absurd than some SJW has already done in earnest.
This. I hereby name that effect Dan's corolary to Poe's law that an actual parody of progressivism is indistinguishable from the real thing.