Reason Weekly Contest: Apple vs. the Feds
Last week's winners revealed.


Welcome back to the Weekly Reason Contest! This week's question is:
Apple refuses to hand over an encryption key to the Feds. The Feds are fed up. Come up with the name of the next Apple device to foil the government.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to contest@reason.com. Please include your name, city and state. This week, kindly type "APPLE" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Feb. 29. Winners will appear on March 4. In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: We asked you to predict the name of the next app company to enter the, uh, growing app-connected sex toy market. You banged out:
THE WINNER
Screwber -- Robert Ryan, Dallas City, IL
SECOND PLACE:
Rüber: The safe sex app for handheld devices -- Tim Whalen, Manassas, VA
THIRD PLACE:
Backdoor, by Apple -- Drew Beardslee, Grand Rapids, MI
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
The Bedroomba - Let's keep it clean
eGovernment - Now it screws you over the Internet -- Tim Whalen, Manassas, VA
Plug and Play Toy Company -- S.R.
Jingles to Tingles -- David Pinto, Longmeadow, MA
iTapMyself – Brian Too Embarrassed , Alamosa, CO
Firm Consent: An app-controlled sex toy that stops every ten seconds to ask, "Is this okay?" Requires the user to scribe their initials and enter the date and time to resume function. -- Dan Mahoney, Baja, MX
Clitbit -- Robert Ryan, Dallas City, IL
Sit On My Facebook -- Robert Ryan. Dallas City, IL
iTouch Myself
I'd App That
Menage a Tron -- C.M.
Mistress Siri asks you the questions, worm. -- Colin Blake, Boston, MA
AND FROM THE COMMENTS:
Atlas Plugged
The Mountin' Head
Von Pleezes
Horny Birds
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The FYTW-3000
Fuck You, That's Wi-Fi
(slow clap)
Bravo.
Nice.
iFYTW
Apple TV. It already foils everyone, especially its users.
iDon'tDoAnal
liar
David Pinto - Longmeadow, MA? THE David Pinto of Baseball Musings? Very Cool.
http://www.baseballmusings.com/
Hmm, at first I thought it was cool that someone lives that close to me. But after seeing that site, he seems kinda dorky.
Baseball and dorkiness go together! At least for those of us that couldn't hit the damn ball...
Apple Chastity Belt - with customizable RapeyScan image
iUnionize - We work for the government... when we feel like it.
iForgotMyPassword
iCoin -- Apple's take on Bitcoin, seamlessly integrated with Apple Pay.
Apple Budget Calculator - let's the average Joe create a national budget and includes a link to the CBO email.
Earning money online was never been easy as it has become for me now. I freelance over the internet and earn about 70 bucks an hour. fl Get more time with your family by doing jobs that only require for you to have a computer and an internet access and you can have that at your home. A little effort and handsome earning dream is just a click away original site?....
----------- http://www.alpha-careers.com
YOU'RE NOT PLAYING RIGHT
iSedition
TreasonBook Pro
JudasTunes
Newton
OK, the first three were pretty good. Funny, in fact.
BUT THAT LAST ONE ISN'T!
QuickStymie
Power Revolt G5
iThwart
Macimpede Classic
Something about half of a worm.
iSpy - now everyone can spy on the government, not just the Chinese.
iCaramba
The Snowden Krokodil.
iPleadThe5th
iPhone 8
iBastiat - the government will never touch it
iCanteven
The iSIS
The iSelfDestruct aka iMI
iDareYou
"First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights."
What's the cash value? For my taxes.
-Donald Rump
Remember the iFeel MouseMan? I had one of those. That's a pretty fucked up name, for anything. But very memorable.
The iStillBelieveInThe4thAmendment.
The Apple TV now barks whenever a government official lies.
Reporter: "Now could you explain to me, officer, why you emptied your sidearm into a driverless car?"
Cop: "It reached for my weapon ... uh, threatened me ... idled at me threateningly ... I detected the strong odor of ... gasohol ... officer safety does that thing have a camera?"
iChipp - comes with a miniature wood chipper that shreds the phone after 10 failed attempts