Reason Weekly Contest: Name a Libertarian Microbrewery
Last week's winners revealed.


Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's question is:
The number of commercial breweries in America has just surpassed the previous record 4,131, set in 1873. With all those suds sloshing around, come up with the name of the first proudly Libertarian microbrew.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to contest@reason.com. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "BEER" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Feb. 15. Winners will appear on Feb. 19. In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: Admittedly, this was a lame one. After a company called Petronics introduced "Mousr," the first "artificially intelligent cat toy," we asked for the name of the next high-tech toy for a pet. Some of you sent in plain-old ridiculous pet toys, which we threw into the mix.
THE WINNER:
Congri: Let your pet kick around Congri, the first artificially-intelligent member of Congress. Heck, it's the first member of Congress with *any* intelligence. -- MS
SECOND PLACE:
"Shu" -- It's just a shoe, but for every one you buy, the makers will donate another shoe to a dog or cat in an underprivileged country. Dan Gray, Chicago, IL
THIRD PLACE:
Statist Plaything™ -- Nothing in the box because, surprise! You're the toy! -- Colin Blake, Boston, MA
AND FROM THE COMMENTS:
Infantr, for the pet boa constrictor whose owners don't have children's cribs for it to find its way into.
Toddlerr, similar to the Infantr, but for pitbulls.
Shitr, for when your dog isn't an outside dog but wants to roll in shit anyway.
Llama-tron -- Just a dumb ass, smelly, shit machine for rural hipsters. But its eyes glow.
PrivlgChkr -- Subjects your pet to the random dangers of a homeless street cat.
Gey -- A collaboration between Über and Google, this miraculous product allows your cat or dog to drive your car for you.
New and improved cardboard box!
Laundry basket o' fun!
Shred-proof ball of paper!
Click "AGREE" to use/fetch iStick.
And:
Unless it comes with a timer, I suspect Mousr will do for cats what the Red Shoes did for ballet.
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Shouldn't robc's brewery be the answer?
yes
Due to a long list of reasons Im not gonna discuss, I am selling off. It was a good, short run.
Not on the list: quality of beer. It was damn fine, if I say so myself.
I am back in the IT world...for now. There may be a Phoenix Pale Ale in the distant future.
Mmmmmm....ashy.
Just to correct, I am permanently back in IT. If I can figure out how to pro brew part time, small scale, and profitably, it may happen again.
Bastiat's
I will now provide the winner.
There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Beer
Made with Galted Barley.
Orphans' Best
I like it
Monocle
Samuel Adams
An-Capster Busch
Regulate This.
Fill your scooner with Lysander Spooner's!
Fuck You That's Why
There's already a Fuck You That's Wine.
Fuck you that's Rye
Clap clap clap
Lacist!
*applause*
Mexicans, Ass-Sex, and Weed*
*this product contains no Mexicans, ass-sex, or weed
Rush 2112 IPA - the technical chops it takes to produce it are impressive, but the actual experience of drinking it isn't all that great, and each bottle goes on for way too long.
Lysander's Lager.
Spooner's Sour.
The Libertarian Moment.
In convenient .5 oz bottles?
Comes in half-ounce cans. Tastes exactly like Yuengling.
*disclaimer- this beer may not actually exist*
The first case will be available at the next election, perpetually.
Good but needs more terrible puns...The Lagertarian Moment?
Yes. That is better.
I suppose if you want something short you could go with Libeerty.
*slow clap*
Any libertarian brewery would have to be an import because of the burdensome regulatory structure here, but I digress.
...or a covert operation, I guess.
Ooh, even better. And it has to be in the basement of a covert strip club located across the street from a middle school.
And they gotta also 3D print guns.
My wife won't let me operate a strip club, but we can do all the rest. Although its a elementary school across the street.
Live Free or Drink!
(Consequently, we do a lot of drinking around here)
MUH BREW!
A Taste of Somalia.
Or SomalIPA.
End The Fed
Manchester Brewing might already qualify. As would Area 23.
Lou Reed's Dead?
Free Head
i haven't come up with a brewery name yet, but whatever it is will have Not Wickard's Wheat on tap.
Wickard's Revenge Wheat?
Road to Sudsdom?
Why is it always about the roadz?
21st Amendment Brewing has a "Brew Free or Die" IPA. It's good too. I have my doubts about a commitment to freedom though with a San Francisco location.
No Borders Porters
*may contain Slaver Ale and some are packed in Mexi-cans.
Cervezame mucho!
A Vice and Not a Crime?
Free to Booze
Let me guess, that's a "beer" at 20-40% APV
I don't know about a libertarian beer, but a good idea for a progressive beer would be Fair Share Lager.
Tastes like water and comes with only 6 oz of beer in a 12 oz bottle.
It would be a "Sanders" Oud Bruin?
Atlas Chugged
Nice!
Related: Going Malt.
*narrows gaze*
Switzy's Narrow gAle?
APPROVED
+1
Hopportunity Cost
Yes
OK, that is a good one.
Lap is killing it.
Epi's Mom.
It's always available and very cheap. Sure, you will feel like shit for a day or two (or three) after, but damnit you have needs.
Epi's Mom: always ready to meet your needs.
Who wants to drink beer that tastes like cigarette ash and shame?
Hipsters
Sometimes you just take what you can get.
Epi's Mom: Sometimes you just take what you can get.
The beer everyone drinks but no one admits to.
More an ad campaign for existing beer - Blue Moon is a Harsh Mistress
The Woodchipper
Tastes too much like oak and blood.
Liberty's Tears
Purity
"Enemy of the Good"
We have a 100% QA fail rate.
Freibier
Hops Sing Bluebelly Wheat
Or would it be Hops Sing Brewberry Wheat?
Pursuit of Hoppiness
Taken by Grand Teton Brewing
Fuck them! IP is a myth!
Ooohh...speaking of IP: Intellectual Property Ale.
*claps
I hope you don't mind if I steal that one - ha!
Nice
Equal Hopportunity.
+1
Whatever the name of the brewery, the flagship ale will be an Extra Strong Bitter.
Mudder's Milk
AynRandBrau. Objectively great.
Rand Ayn Cider
TAANSTAFB
Woodchippin' Wheat Ale
For A Stout Called Reason...
SugarFree's Perverted Pilsner
Nikki's IPA
Epi's First Post Porter
Damnit, not Epi. Fisty. Fail.
But Fist posts first.
Sorry I'm too slow.
Ooo - Squirrel Saison
Ooo - Squirrel Saison
Squirrel Doppelbock
Already got TANSTAAFB covered above.
Atlas Belched
Rothbeerd - real beer for real libertarians.
No, it's not for you, you heretic!
I like it.
Brew It Yourself, Lazybones
Comparative Advantage Brewing
I, Beer
NAP on Tap
Sounds more like a bar than a brewery... a brewpub maybe?
"A taproom for libertarians"
SugarFree Saison - may induce vomiting
Worty - is really strong and has a thick head
Alepisiarch - nothing special, but every third bottle is actually a vial of either crystal meth or ketamine
I shouldn't read these while drinking, I very nearly ruined a perfectly good keyboard (which are hard to come by at the state)
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Damn you and Crusty for making me laugh at that!!!
I like "Worty"!
"Alepisiarch" is pretty damn good too.
I don't want to think about a SF beverage.
New! From Reason Brewing!
STEVE SMITH DOUGHNUT PUNCHER STOUT. (Don't take it camping)
CHICAGO'S WORST. (Nikki Ale)
SUGARFREE LIGHT. (Like his prose; horrible at first, but slowly addictive, and still horrible)
FISTERS (always the first one out of the box)
JESSE (Comes in a can)
NARROWED GAZE (To wash away the after-taste)
My First Beer - the favorite beer of free-range kids.
Gulag Archepelager
Maltin Friedman
Ha!
You are on FIE-AH!
Yeah, kind of winning the thread.
Each bottle is only 2/3 full. 1/3 of each bottle is sent directly to the IRS.
Dortmunder Gold Standard
Warty's Doom-cock Double-bock
Nathan Ale
Friedman's Milt Liquor
Goldwater
Crusty Jugglager - marketed exclusively to women aged 50 and older
Palin's BudGlug - is actually just a really weak cider; brewery is currently being sued by Anheuser-Busch
Elizabeth Nolan Brau (God only knows what it's doing mixed up with the rest of these)
Fascist Tears Amber Ale
"We drink Fascist Tears. Shouldn't you?"
True Libertarian Beer: Every bottle tastes different than every other bottle, some of the bottles aren't even beer, and it doesn't give a fuck whether you drink it or not.
Cosmo-Brew: Served in a cognac glass. Unpalatable to church-goers and southerners. Very very gay.
Yokel IPA: Served in a jug of some kind. Flavor reminiscent of gun oil, apple pie, and anti-immigrant legislation. Best served at gathering of overweight grizzled men standing around a fire.
Colt 45 Open Carry
"God created drunks. Colt 45 made them equal."
Nonagression Pilsner
Add a 'g' where necessary.
GNonagression Pilsner
FREE BEER
I 1st read that as, "The number of commercial breaks in America has just surpassed the previous record...."
"Barley Governed"
You reminded me of John Su
Karl Popper Shock Top
For when you can't communicate in a way that can be understood.
Shriek Sour
Doomcock Barrel Stout
Furtive Movement Blueberry Wheat
Slaver Session Ale (45%)
John's Aborted Altbiersch
Agile's....fuck if we know
Rothbard Red
Bastiat Brown
Libeertarian Moment
And of course, Billy Beer
Foster's Small L lager
Wee Heavy the People...
Agile Cyborg's Extract of Galactic Ejaculate Flowing Through The Mists of Time With My Reason Brothers and Sisters Beer
Balko's Nutpunch Ale
Cosmotariale, guaranteed to get you invited to all the best cocktail parties
The Jacket Extra Dark Stout specially bottled for middle aged men trying to look hip and cool
Ale is Ale
Reason.com Contrarian Hard Cider
For CO marijuana-flavored brew: Hayek's Kite
The Libertarian Case for of beer.
The Moment
Seasteader: smuggled into a port near you.
Roadie: beers Libertarians enjoy sans paper bag not wearing a seatbelt and with a loaded automatic under the seat
Featuring:
Sobriety Czech Pilsener
Donuts Hop Copper Ale
Smoky Bear Rauchbier
....
Harry's Browne Ale
Winnah!
Oh my God, I love this comment so much.
Extra Hoppe-y?
Irish says, "If you want to get drunk, don't drink Irish's Schwarzbier, cause they don't work."