Good Ted Cruz Ad, Bad Ted Cruz Ad, Gilmore Goes Away: P.M. Links

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    Office Space

    Ted Cruz ad attacks Hillary Clinton, parodies infamous Office Space scene.

  • Less amusing Ted Cruz ad news: He pulled one that inadvertently featured a pornographic actress. How's that for political correctness run amok?
  • Gov. Jim Gilmore is out of the GOP presidential race. This news did not merit a full story.
  • Safety tips promote rape.
  • Why doesn't Fox host Democratic debates and MSBC host GOP debates?
  • Hillary Clinton hires one of UVA Jackie's most earnest believers.

NEXT: How the D.C. Government Is Targeting Its Homeless Population

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  1. Ted Cruz ad attacks Hillary Clinton…

    PC Load Letter?

    1. …the fuck does that mean?!?

      1. I was shocked when I learned that Michael Bolton was the voice of so many Futurama characters.

    2. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

      1. Ha! I got it! Looks like you two are just morons.

        *whispers to Fist:”email me what you meant…*

        1. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to google and he shouldn’t bug you again.

    3. Hello.

    4. Oh, and on that note: Silicon Valley season 3 teaser.

      I believe the bald head belongs to Stephen Tobolowsky.

      1. Your link looks like a sideways vagina. I find that to be racist.

        1. You keep using that word.

          I do not think it means what you think it means.

      2. Peter Gregory is dead.

  2. Hillary Clinton hires one of UVA Jackie’s most earnest believers.

    Mattress Girl?

  3. Gov. Jim Gilmore is out of the GOP presidential race.

    He’ll still be critiquing Matt Welch’s MSNBC appearances attire.

      1. “Gilmore Goes Away: P.M. Links”

        Robby is a vicious tease…GILMORE is one of my favorite commenters!

        1. Swiss isn’t case sensitive, just regular sensitive.

          1. It’s self concious about its holes

  4. Safety tips promote rape.

    Just a tip?

    1. Is it still rape if it’s just the tip?

        1. Es es es es, ay, ay,ay,ay, tee,tee, tee, tee, why, why why, why….

            1. You can dace if you wan to, you can leav your friens behin

              1. electronic music was still in its infancy, so artists had to conserve storage space in their lyrics.

          1. I could have sworn all the letters where there, but then I could have sworn that Edit buttons were the norm as well.

    2. “”I agree that it’s frustrating to be told that the responsibility to be safe falls on potential victims,” said a Pomona College student.”

      Heaven forbid that someone should feel responsible for themselves.

  5. Gov. Jim Gilmore is out of the GOP presidential race. This news did not merit a full story.

    Well at least it wasn’t the more familiar Gilmore. Also, with only 6 left even with Trump there might be substance tomorrow night.

    1. I didn’t think David Gilmour was eligible.

    2. “Well at least it wasn’t the more familiar Gilmore. Also, with only 6 left even with Trump there might be substance tomorrow night.”

      How many does Trump count as?

      1. Whatever the number, it’s YUGE.

  6. He pulled one that inadvertently featured a pornographic actress.

    If I had a nickel…

    1. If I had a nickel…

      …it’d be really sticky?

  7. Spanish civil servant off work unnoticed for six years

    A Spanish civil servant who failed to turn up for work for “at least” six years has been caught after becoming eligible for a long service award.

    Joaquin Garcia, 69, was fined ?27,000 (?21,000; $30,000) after the award brought his long absence to light.

    1. NOTHING LEFT TO CUT!!!!!!!

      1. That country has suffered austerity long enough.

    2. So, he got 6 years of pay for free and then was fined half a years pay?

      1. and they withheld the plaque. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT

  8. “Constant visual contact with your cup” is physically impossible, and ridiculous to expect out of anyone.

    That’s why you need 2 girls, DUH!

    1. I chuckled.

    2. Serious drinkers who don’t want to get date-rape-drugged just fill up a Camelback with half Jagermeister and half 5 Hour Energy drink. I’ve been told that’s also the best way to prepare for a back-country skiing expedition.

      1. The St. Bernard is meant to carry the hooch.

  9. From today’s Spiked Magazine, so this is apparently becoming a thing:

    Is Bernie Sanders the best choice for freedom lovers? by Todd Gillespie.

    What’s that law about if you have a question in your headline, the answer is always NO?

    As a palate cleanser, they have a much more reasonable article on a far superior topic:

    Rediscovering Manos: Hands of Fate.

    1. Todd Gillespie? Is he like the Chelsea Clinton of psuedo-libertarian journolists?

      1. Probably wears a faux leather jacket.

        1. No, Todd Gillespies IS the Jacket.

    2. God, will people quit it with this? Sanders is the opposite of liberty.

      Next.

      1. A very lefty friend, who will at least debate with me in a pleasant way about his love for the state so I still like him, just sent me this article, has this come up on HnR yet?

        Is there a libertarian case for Bernie Sanders?

        After we had dinner the other night and I expressed my disdain for Sanders because of my libertarian views (and he stressed what a great Prez Sanders would be), I guess he’s sending this to me as a ‘ha-ha, libertarians should like him too!’

        Interestingly enough, though, he did agree with me that if Sanders gets the nomination, he could be the next George McGovern.

        1. Bernie Sanders wants to make the United States more like countries that are significantly more free than the United States, according to an index of overall freedom built on libertarian assumptions about the nature of freedom, and no other candidate does. That’s the libertarian case for Bernie Sanders. As long as you’re not allergic to starting with data rather than theory, it’s really pretty strong.

          Sigh. Of course it’s Wilkinson.

          1. I just substitute Bill Deblasio for Bernie Sanders in the above quote and laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

        2. Don Boudreaux had a good response to this line of thinking.

          http://cafehayek.com/2016/02/t…..trump.html

          1. Wow, I just might vote for Trump now.

      1. Yup, that one – it’s a revisit of the movie, and apparently there’s a remaster out . Much better than “Is Bernie friend of freedom or best friend of freedom” article.

        1. One of the best mst3k episodes

          “Every frame of this movie looks like someone’s last known photograph”

          1. I actually didn’t think it was the worst thing they watched, and I only saw about a couple dozen. Red Zone Cuba was even more poorly plotted and paced. And there was one where, during the shoot, audio gear with recorded dialogue fell into a lake or something, and so more than half the movie was narration of what characters were saying, including the dramatic conclusion…

            1. I actually got to see most of the crew live, when they were doing the Cinematic Titanic tour. It was a lot of fun.

          2. “Space Mutiny”.

            Butch Deadlift!

            Even if it’s not a Joel.

  10. Gov. Jim Gilmore is out of the GOP presidential race. This news did not merit a full story.

    Wait, GILMORE was running?

    1. Fashion blogs hardest hit

    2. More like Gil-less. am I right?

      1. There can be only one

        1. Well, it is trademarked.

          … Hobbit

    3. GILMORE vs Almanian

      Who will make the libertarian case for Almanian? GILMORE?

  11. POETS: Female student found dead at Whittier College; foul play is not suspected

    I heard she was a Met, but have been unable to find independent confirmation of that.

    1. Sounds like a hot lead for the WhittierGate guys to follow up on 😉

      I haven’t been to campus in a long time. I wouldn’t mind trying to do the homecoming this year.

      1. One of the proudest elements of my college career was finding out that the WhittierGate guy wrote that I didn’t care about the safety of my fellow students. It’s like that douchebag really knows me.

        I haven’t been back in a while. I got a text from a friend that Ionian little brother pledging was going on and I should come out, but I forgot about it and am fairly certain I missed it.

        1. I thought you cam out a long time ago.

          ::rimshot::

  12. Gov. Jim Gilmore is still out of the GOP presidential race.

    FTFY

  13. “These allegations are a reminder to be mindful at all times of what you are drinking and to keep an eye out for your fellow students. While this is a small campus and we would like to trust our fellow students, accepting a drink that was made by someone else or that was put in a cup that you did not bring yourself is risky. If you do not maintain constant visual contact with your cup, something can be slipped in it quickly and without your knowledge even if the drink started out fine. Being vigilant about the source of your drink as well as the integrity of your cup once it is in your possession decreases the risks of anything being slipped in your drink. Please help us keep our campuses safer.”

    Some students were concerned that the email was an example of “victim-blaming” and “rape culture.”

    It’s better to be able to try to get the state to punish an evil doer later than to alter your behavior to maintain control over your own safety.

    1. That’s why I keep carrying my money in a sack with a dollar sign on it. Why should I have to change because there are bad people in the world?

      1. Teach thieves not to steal.

      2. He said to the banker while explaining why he couldn’t make a payment on his double-wide.

        1. I’m going to be honest, it was a single wide.

      3. That’s why I keep carrying my money in a sack with a dollar sign on it. Why should I have to change because there are bad people in the world?

        Oh, bravo sir! Bravo!

        *asks Swiss if he can borrow a cup of thunderous applause*

        1. Granted…. and *joins in*

    2. My first thought was: are people really *that* paranoid about having something slipped into their drink?

      1. Some are. Then again it could just be because I am around them.

      2. Have you not met jesse.in.mb?

        1. Whatever, Doyers, now drink your Rohypnol-colada

      3. Is this like the satanic rituals scare? I would bet roofies or whatever getting slipped in drinks is incredibly rare. It’s probably a case of girls getting black-out drunk and screwing then assuming they were drugged.

        1. It can happen. It has happened. There have been 400 Law & Order episodes about it. Therefore, it is an epidemic.

        2. Almost every girl has a friend this has happened to, if you let them count Veronica Mars as a friend.

    3. The student complaints are awesome.

      “Constant visual contact with your cup” is physically impossible, and ridiculous to expect out of anyone.

      This is textbook victim-blaming, and it is coming right from the people who are hired to protect us,”

      “Dammit, I’m giving you tuition money, babysit me already!”

  14. “I agree that it’s frustrating to be told that the responsibility to be safe falls on potential victims,” said a Pomona College student. “[But first,] when thinking practically about how to deal with the reality of an unsafe campus, I do appreciate these reminders and [second,] I think that [campus security] individuals would probably agree with the sentiment that people should not do things like drug other people’s drinks (and to be sure, the email did include ? begin with ? a paragraph about how such behavior was deplorable and not to be tolerated).”

    Holy shit. Promote rape culture much? Everyone knows that when dealing with an issue, it’s not important to offer helpful advice. It’s better to bitch and wish the world didn’t work as it actually does.

    1. I think that [campus security] individuals would probably agree with the sentiment that people should not do things like drug other people’s drinks

      Really going out on a limb with that one.

      1. That’s what their campus needs: courageous students will to make bold statements.

      2. Sippy cups for everyone! Problem solved.

        1. That’s about right for their level of maturity.

  15. Why doesn’t Fox host Democratic debates and MSBC host GOP debates?

    A tacit acknowledgement of bias? The horror of forcing leftists to watch Fox News? The things they produce aren’t actually debates?

    1. They know with absolute certainty that no candidate would ever agree to do them and if they did somehow get them to agree there is no way the candidates would ever engage in any meaningful way with the substance of a question asked by an obviously antagonistic moderator

    2. Fox News hosted a Democratic debate in the 2004 cycle. I don’t recall that it caused much controversy. I think it was in 2006-7 when high-profile Democrats announced that they wouldn’t participate in any debate hosted by Fox News.

    3. The GOP tried the NBC thing in some of the early debates – with Betsy not-so-Quick et al…didn’t go well.

    1. Thanks for the reminder that I’ll never be better than a casual photographer, dude. Those pictures are amazeballs.

      1. amazeballs

        You know who else you’re worse than?

      2. Nonsense. You could easily learn to shoot that well. I could teach you in three months.

        1. I could teach you in three months.

          Does learning to shoot that well, so quickly, involve
          ‘one weird trick that professional photographers don’t want you to know?’

        2. Go on…

          I’ve never really gotten past decent amateur.

          1. That’s really all I fap to these days.

            Wait, what are we talking about?

  16. A Georgia motorist was masturbating when he plowed his vehicle into a van that had stopped at an intersection, police report.

    Donald Marvin Johnson, 63, was “physically distracted” while driving his Saturn Ion

    Cue “Donald’s Law” requiring hands-free masturbation while driving.

    1. Sugar baby in every car?

      1. How dare you imply that I’ve hired a prostitute officer?!?!? This is just a hands-free masturbation device!

    2. Isnt this the second story in a week of some jerk-of….sorry, dumbass ,crashing his car while flogging the bishop?

      1. Just wait until the cars can drive themselves.

    3. Coming and going don’t mix.

        1. I had to give a presentation yesterday at a place called “The Cumming Center”

          The audience makeup really wasn’t right for me to point out the name in any way.

          1. Did they at least sell alcoholic beverages? I like ciders, especially from Dickens. It’s what I buy my lady friends. Ladies love a Dickens Cider.

    1. Jesse, people already think I’m a snob/hipster for insisting on the proper drink-ware for my drinks, I don’t need to kick it to 11 with artisanal tonic.
      /jots down tonic recipe

      1. Proper drinkware for FL man:
        Liquor: Mason jars
        Beer: Colored Solo cup
        Wine: Clear Solo cup

        1. Cups? The stuff already comes in bottles.

      2. In college my roommate got 99c Store wine. I told him I wouldn’t drink wine out of plastic cups. He went back to the 99c Store and bought some factory-reject wine glasses (chipped, poorly cut rims, bent stems). We split the bottle of wine and ended up with some of the most killer hangovers of my college career.

        1. You must have gone to school in Somalia. In more civilized places, like the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts, 99c Stores are not permitted to sell wine.

          1. There are also, IIRC, no 99cent stores anywhere east of Texas. The chain, I mean.

            1. We have Dollar Tree and Family Dollar — they don’t sell wine either.

              1. Well that’s just preposterous!

          2. People’s Republic of California. There were almost no bars that served liquor in the town (could only get beer+wine permits), but the 99c Stores sold wine and the RiteAid had phenomenal sales on Grey Goose.

        2. We split the bottle of wine and ended up with some of the most killer hangovers of my college career.

          Lightweight.

          1. I’m fairly certain it was the sulfites not the booze…did I mention it was 99c Store wine?

            1. Cheap wine is notorious for hangovers that make one cry for the release of death.

              A friend told me that.

    2. Homemade tonic? I wonder if I could make homemade vermouth? let’s see? here’s a recipe.

      Holy crap, 17 ingredients to experiment with?

  17. “Here’s the Best Nigerian Prince Email Scam in the Galaxy”

    The headline speaks for itself. Rick Sanchez warned us all about those Sigerians.

    1. Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous.

      Help me, Insert Name Here. You’re my only hope.

    2. That was amazing.

      I always wondered if I should answer those emails.

      I’d sign it Playa Manhattan of course.

      1. Be careful. He would track you down within minutes and disappear you before you can say poutine.

    3. Holy crap, this is a good idea:

      Katharine Trendacosta
      2/12/16 4:30pm
      Can we, like, maybe crowd source a TV show out of this? I would totally watch a TV series about an secret African astronaut who was sent to a secret Space Station in the 90s, but because of various political and conspiracy issues is left up there for a decade or two. Really, it pretty much writes itself. It’s got bad guy Russians and Corporate interests. The concerned Earthbound family members. Secret technology. 90s retro-ism. Damn, it’d be awesome.

      1. The scene where they find the dehydrated body will be awesome!

    1. Neat, I’d be curious to know if the rendering engine is based off of this proof of concept work from a few years ago.

    2. The Garden of Earthly Delights has more skin than an episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand!

    3. Has someone finally done a definitive count of how many odd things are getting stuffed up peoples asses in that thing?

    4. thats a fucking awesome idea.

      isn’t like half of the stuff all related to alchemy or something?

      1. We saw the painting at the Prado in Madrid last year. It’s really quite amazing. I think I stood there like an idiot for half an hour looking at each little section.

        1. I think it was my favorite painting until i stopped smoking weed.

          I’d love to see the real thing. I recall seeing “The persistence of memory” at… the Tate in london, i think… and my surprise was that it was about the size of 2 postcards (10″x10″ or so?). sort of a letdown.

  18. So I keep seeing all these stories on the “amazing”, “historic”, “moonshot” discovery of gravity waves

    So this is cool and all, in a get – stoned – and – contemplate – the – mysteries – of – the – universe sort of way, but is there any practical reason a non-science person should care about this? Like, what are the real-world applications of this, or is the upshot just “we wondered if it worked that way, and now we’re slightly more sure that it does”?

    1. Just a doggone minute. Are you implying that having *the entire Milky Way galaxy* displaced by the width of a thumb is not more threatening than climate change?

    2. The government will now be able to uniquely identify an individual by their gravity signature. Chris Christie is at the max end of calibration.

    3. Mostly the last. It’s just one more proof that Relativity accurately describes the macro scale, which puts more pressure on resolving how Relativity and Quantum theory can be reconciled.

    4. Like most basic research, it is curiosity driven. That doesn’t mean it won’t have practical benefits, but it’s hard to predict.

      Quantum mechanics started off as curiosity driven research into a “solved” field of physics. It now underpines almost every piece of technology you use.

      General relativity started off as curiosity driven research into some loose ends of Newtonian physics. You couldn’t use GPS without it.

      The Apollo program inspired a generation of children to become scientists and engineers that ushered in the information age.

      If the study of gravitational waves leads to breakthrough in fundamental physics or inspires the next great inventor, it will have had a huge real-world impact. But the nature of these things is that you don’t know how they are going to play out when you start.

    5. I also described it like his yesterday

      Since the dawn of human history almost everything we have learned about the distant universe has come from studying light. That’s it, just light, and maybe the stray energetic proton.

      For the first time ever we’ll be able to study the distant universe through gravity itself. It’s as if you were limited to only hearing for your whole life, and now you can suddenly see.

      But I’m biased.

      1. I found that a very compelling way to describe it.

      2. So here’s a question I once posed a long time ago – if the Sun were to wink out of existence right now, how long would it take us to know? The standard answer is that it would take us about 8 minutes or so because that’s how long it takes the sunlight to reach Earth so we wouldn’t know until then the Sun was gone. But what about gravity? How fast do gravity waves travel, how long would it take for the absence of the Sun’s gravity to be noticed?

        1. Gravitational waves also travel at the speed of light.

          The speed of light is really the speed limit for information, not just light. But historically that is what it was first associated with.

          1. Yeah but what about the thing where electrons that are separated and you change the spin(?) of one it instantaneously affects the other. (Obviously I am not an expert.)

            1. Quantum entanglement, IIRC.

              I don’t pretend to understand it. And, of course, I’m skeptical.

      3. For the first time ever we’ll be able to study the distant universe through gravity itself.

        Not as such.

        This was a binary black hole system collapsing into a single black hole. The amount of energy needed to produce the gravity waves that were 25 times more powerful than the random noise the detector detects was what you would get from converting 2 – 4 solar masses into energy, 3.5 * 10^47 watts.

        This was a very rare event.

        We are a long way away from anything that can study common, permanent phenomena via variations in the curvature of space.

        1. Well, we don’t know how rare it is, really. The fact it happened right after the detector was turned on implies it isn’t that rare – otherwise they got really, really lucky. And while it may be rare in an individual galaxy, the volume over which LIGO is sensitive contains many galaxies.

          But this was was a high S/N detection, higher than they expected. They’ll detect more that are weaker.

          You are right, though, that you can’t study any generic thing with gravitational waves. Only massive compact objects and maybe some hypoethicals like cosmic strings will probably produce detectable gravitational waves. But there is still a lot we can learn from just those sources, and I full expect to find things that are currently unknown/unexpected.

          Also, the LIGO interferometric method isn’t the only way to detect GWs. Over the next 5-10 years you’ll see other methods making detections (see pulsar timing arrays).

          1. I just want to know why come the apple hits me in the head instead of me hitting it in the tree.

            I’m real sciency about stuff like that.

    6. You never know what will be useful some day.

      There really is no reason besides curiosity for a non-science person to care about most scientific discoveries. Even if they are practically useful, scientists and engineers will take care of it all and all you need to to is buy the end product. It is fully possible to reap the benefits of semiconductors while being completely uninterested in quantum mechanics.

    7. Communication.

      1. “Hold on, let me just merge these two black holes and I’ll get right back to you.”

        1. A ball of neutronium would work just as well.

          1. You’d still need about 10^30 kg or so

          2. I ran out. Can I borrow a cup from you?

            1. 10^30 kg is only a teaspoon.

    8. There’s a story that when Faraday was demonstrating his research into electromagnetism he was asked of what use it was and replied “Of what use is a newborn baby?” We don’t know yet what gravity waves might be useful for, but I’m sure there’s even now a Bureau of Gravity Wave Regulation being pulled together to make sure you’ll never find out how to make a buck off it the way those early electromagnetism researchers figured out a use for electricity and doomed the entire planet.

      1. He is also claimed to have said “Why, sir, there is every probability that you will soon be able to tax it” when speaking to a government official about electricity. Possibly apocryphal.

    9. I am guessing that in the search for star trek style transporters this could be a handy thing to know about.

    10. No.

  19. Muhamad and his machete.

    http://nbc4i.com/2016/02/12/su…..dentified/

    1. “Barry is originally from a West African country, not Somalia as it is widely speculated.”

      Whew! Close one. Don’t worry guys, it’s not Somalia so it isn’t our fault.

      1. He could have been a libertarian!

    2. For an unknown reason, the FBI moved on from him in their investigation.

      Probably got confused over “Barry”.

      1. I was listening to an interview with the restaurant owner on the radio. He is an Arab Israeli Christian. I guess the attacker had come in and was asking about him and where he was from. Then he left and came back with the machete and started stabbing people.

    3. A guy named Mohammed goes on a rampage with a machete in the Nazareth Restaurant and Deli. It is too soon to speculate on why he chose that establishment.

      I am sure this is a mystery that will never be solved.

  20. Gilmore goes away.

    NOOOOO I liked GILMORE!

    1. That man was ruining my reputation. He had to go.

  21. I’m sure I’m up for bad parent of the decade, but my two year old just grabbed a real butter knife to go butter his plastic toast, and the best I could muster was, “don’t run with that.” If he grows up to be nicknamed Patch or Left Eye, I’ll feel guilty.

    1. A real butter knife?! As opposed to the plastic knife that came with the plastic toast?!

      1. Which was probably sharper.

      2. Everyone overlooks the fact that he’s feeding his kid plastic toast.

        1. Seriously. Plastic is not environmentally friendly at all.

        2. He was getting fat.

    2. Chicks dig scars, yo. Let him be a kid.

      1. Right. At the very least he will rob drug dealers for a living, which is as noble a profession as any.

        1. Some libertarian you are.

          1. I am on record as being a staunch cosmokeltarian, thank you very much.

      2. What about dudes? I don’t want to project my hetero on him at this point.

        1. Same thing applies. He just needs to not tell future partners how the accident happened. Just leave everyone assuming that he lost an eye in the butchest bar fight that ever butched and he’ll be able to pull as much tail as he could possibly want from the lady or gay camps.

  22. “Ted Cruz ad attacks Hillary Clinton, parodies infamous Office Space scene.

    News score = lowish.

    “Less amusing Ted Cruz ad news: He pulled one that inadvertently featured a pornographic actress. How’s that for political correctness run amok?”

    News score = points for porn-connection

    Gov. Jim Gilmore is out of the GOP presidential race. This news did not merit a full story.

    News score = who?

    Safety tips promote rape.

    News score = nonexistent.

    “Why doesn’t Fox host Democratic debates and MSBC host GOP debates?

    News score = Obvious answer: “Ratings”

    “Hillary Clinton hires one of UVA Jackie’s most earnest believers”

    News score = Fails the “So What”-test. I’m not sure the jackie thing is even the worst part of Zerlina Maxwell.

    Example of “News-News” =

    US-Backed Syrian Rebels Being Bombed By Russia Magically Receive More Missiles From Missile Fairy

    1. 10/10. Savage. Robby, take notes.

      1. Notice how they managed to not mention any US-connection at all until the very end. (*preferring a vague “assad’s enemies” throughout)

        “Assad’s enemies have been supplying vetted rebel groups with weapons via a Turkey-based operations center. Some of the vetted groups have received military training overseen by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency. The Syrian government says it aims to seal the border to cut rebel supply routes from Turkey.”

    2. Is that castling in the 4D Vulcan chess game that Obama has been playing there?

    3. worst part of Zerlina Maxwell

      Willingly joining the Hillary Clinton campaign?

      1. she’s basically a walking-conflation of every “batshit race-trolling feminist” that makes Brittney Cooper seem “together”

        find anything with her name on it. I promise you it will be the dumbest fucking thing you’ve ever seen …*every time*. She’s endlessly outdoing herself.

        1. There’s also the fact that she routinely cited herself as “a lawyer” tho i don’t think she’s ever passed the bar anywhere.

          1. Uhhhhhh I’m a lawyer, too.

        2. My favorite part is that in the first link she makes Sean Hannity seem so reasonable.

          1. I know. He’s the biggest dick in the world, and he can’t even compete.

          2. ” she makes Sean Hannity seem so reasonable.”

            ZERLINA MAXWELL: In my case, don’t tell me if I had only had a gun, I wouldn’t have been raped, because it’s still putting it on me to prevent the rape.

            SEAN HANNITY: By the way, but you have?you have written about this.

            ZERLINA MAXWELL: I have, yes.

            SEAN HANNITY: That this happened to you.

            ZERLINA MAXWELL: Yes. And I was attacked by someone I knew. So you’re required?if what you’re saying works out in reality, not in a theoretical scenario, you’re requiring that I shoot someone that I know?

            SEAN HANNITY: No, no, no, I’m not?

            ZERLINA MAXWELL: That is not the reality.

            1. So, I guess she was just born to be a victim, huh?

    1. “Thousands of Iraqi refugees who arrived in Finland last year have decided to cancel their asylum applications and to return home voluntarily, citing family issues and disappointment with life in the frosty Nordic country.”

      How can anyone be disappointed with life in a Nordic country! I hear they’re the best places ever and everyone is super happy there.

      1. Refugees my ass.

        1. Seriously, if thousands of people are shrugging and heading right back to Iraq, it does sort of suggest that a substantial portion of the migrants are simply taking advantage of perceived opportunity.

          1. No shit. When a first world society says “we’ll let you all in” lots of people who aren’t actually refugees in any sense of the word will take advantage of that.

            1. If you didn’t have your bull shit eye brow raised you’re not paying close enough attention.

              Especially when left-wing politicians made it a point for you to feel like an eel if you were skeptical.

      2. Remember, Finns are weird forest goblin people, not proper Germanics. You don’t see the exodus from Sweden or Norway!

        1. As a quarter-Finn, I’m macroaggressed.

          1. So then dress up in white, shove some snow in your mouth and shoot couple hundred Russians dead.

            1. You’re on a roll… of aggression today. My grandpa told me about those Finns sitting on the trees and shooting — they were called the enemy.

              1. I thought they just dropped Nokias from substantial heights with disastrous effect? Like coconuts.

      3. It’s Finland. Drinking is the national sport.

        They couldn’t keep up and left in shame.

        1. Also, the nordic countries have super-high suicide rates. Because everyone’s so happy there.

          (may also have something to do with them getting very little daylight for a good part of the year)

          1. Yeah, I wouldn’t last there.

            I’ll say this much for the Finns, and the Scandies in general, they produce some good racing drivers.

          2. May also have to do with the stress of living according to the Law of Jante.

            And being boring.

      4. Can we stop pretending that the people who trek to the countries with the sweetest welfare deals are always and everywhere refugees, now?

    2. “Almost two thirds of the asylum seekers last year were young Iraqi men, but some are now having second thoughts, so Finland will begin chartering flights to Baghdad from next week to take them home.”

      Wait, I was told it was widows and doe-eyed orphans. This can’t be true.

  23. While searching for articles on deep dish pizza, I found this:

    “WASHINGTON

    “Fast-food chains would get some relief from government rules on listing calories for things like bacon-wrapped deep dish pizza or double cheeseburgers under legislation the House approved on Friday.

    “The vote was 266-144. The legislation now heads to the Senate, where its fate is uncertain….

    “The legislation would narrow labeling requirements for supermarkets…

    “It would also allow restaurants like pizza chains that receive most of their orders remotely to post calories online instead of at the retail location….

    “In addition, the bill seeks to ensure that establishments aren’t punished for mislabeling due to inadvertent human error.”

    Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.c…..rylink=cpy

    1. DEEP-FRIED-DEEP-DISH PIZZA.

    2. the Ds are showing again why they are becoming the party of totalitarians

      1. My former pool-shooting-partner

    1. I’ve spent how many weeks last summer trying to teach you people that…

  24. “She emphasized that she has never done any hardcore pornography, but neglected or refused to comment on her work on Star Trek: Voyager.”

    She is OK talking about her soft-core porn movies, but she is too ashamed to talk about her role in Star Trek: Voyager.

    1. As she should be.

    2. Woman has some kind of taste, then.

    3. Well it could be worse – she could have been on Enterprise. Even the Donald would shun her for that.

      1. If the Donald were smart he would have her do an ad endorsing him.

      2. I thought Neelix was based on the Donald?

  25. Anyone want to practice getting a girl off by rubbing your hands on your I-Pad?

    “Nevertheless, the idea of using the screen of my phone to push around a photorealistic clitoral hood, labia majora and minora, and (as warranted) clitoris while the OMGYes voice coos words of encouragement is, well, weird. I get it?it’s modeling how to communicate with a partner. And yet ? it was even harder to do on my laptop. Let’s just say I will never look at my trackball the same way again.”

    “Their site now sometimes goes by the unfortunate nickname “Khan Academy of the clit,” which gives you the idea. Tastefully designed and well-produced, OMGYes uses infographics, videos, and statistics to do what even the best how-to books rarely do: give data on how to get off. “It’s this epidemic where women’s pleasure is taboo, partners aren’t asking and women aren’t telling, it’s omitted from sex education, and there’s a lot of misinformation,” Perkins says. “When we put a call out to women to share and set the record straight, we had an outpouring of support.””

    1. I will only use it if it’s in Siri’s voice.

      1. She won’t even open the pod bay doors for me.

    2. “I am the Clit Commander!”

      1. Great name for the app.

    3. I can do that to a real girl anytime. Plus I really don’t want to put my tongue on my phone screen.

  26. With Mallet toward none – the mallet used by Abraham Lincoln to split rails has allegedly resurfaced:

    “Until now generations of Carters had kept the mallet in their houses in Southern Indiana, mostly stowed out of sight, said Tom Brauns, a Carter cousin. One Carter, Hubert, the grandfather of the current owner, kept it tucked away in the ceiling of his basement. He fetched it only when he realized he was suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s and might forget about it. He handed it to his son, William Donald Carter, who sequestered it similarly, though in later years set it on his mantel in the living room. When he died, last year at age 82, he left it to his son, Keith.

    “Keith Carter is the first Carter to show the mallet publicly or even to let on he had it. Historians never knew it existed.”

    1. Oops, my linkin’ skills aren’t as good as my Lincoln skills:

      http://www.indystar.com/story/…../79873320/

    2. Oooh, the Hammer of Lincoln. What are its stats?

    3. Anytime I see stories about historical artifacts like this I think of two things: The shroud of Turin and especially in this case, the ol’ ” Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin he built with his own hands!” joke.

  27. Northern New Jersey Smells Like Shit

    *even more than normally

    Involves federal government-owned property being on fire.

    1. Ah, nothing like the sweet scent of the Secaucus train station in the morning.

  28. Brazen sexism is pushing women out of America’s atheism movement

    “…I do not believe in a God, and I do not live by the dictates ascribed to any god figure. I do not need a paternal figure to tell me how to act like a moral human. Rather, I cultivate an ethics of interpersonal and community engagement with other people based on principles of civic-mindedness. In this way, my atheism directly informs my feminism. I reject society’s demand that I submit to men. I reject the objectification of women. The ethics of choice?a person’s right to decide what they believe in and what they do with their body?unites the two philosophies.

    “This correlation between atheism and feminism for me, and for many other women, is why we are so dismayed by the misogyny rampant in today’s atheist movement….

    “In the atheism movement, social Darwinism has played out as the justifiable assault of women by (naturally) aggressive men….

    “As a capitalist-fueled institution, New Atheism has established itself as a mirror image of religion, with Dawkins & Friends situating themselves at the pinnacle of the movement?in the role of God. Feminist philosopher Elizabeth Grosz put it this way: “God is dead; long live man! Nietzsche said it all, and Dawkins [and the male leaders of the movement] have resurrected man as god,” she told Quartz in an email.”

    1. Florida Man Charged with Federal Hate Crime

      You’re all next. This federal-hate simply will not stand.

      1. whoops

        didn’t mean that as reply

    2. “As a capitalist-fueled institution”

      Oh, fuck you.

      “”This correlation between atheism and feminism for me, and for many other women, is why we are so dismayed by the misogyny rampant in today’s atheist movement….”

      There is no connection between atheism and feminism. In fact, since people who think they’re part of some ‘atheist movement’ like to babble about how they’re skeptics (though, in my experience, most of them aren’t) they should be skeptical of many of the claims being advanced by modern feminists. The real problem with the ‘atheist movement’ is how many leftists in it think skepticism should only apply to ideas they don’t happen to hold.

      And, as usual, the article doesn’t mention the existence of Ayaan Hirsi Ali. It’s easy to claim all the important “New Atheists” are men if you just ignore the existence of the most important woman.

      1. The real problem with the ‘atheist movement’ is how many leftists in it think skepticism should only apply to ideas they don’t happen to hold.

        I stopped listening to the SGU for this reason.

        1. Me too. If one of their favorite punching bags, like homeopathy, recently had a study proving its effectiveness, but the authors refused to share their data or show their work, they would lay into it good and hard. If one of their pet causes, like global warming, had the same thing happen, they would trip over themselves trying to defend the authors.

    3. I used to like Quartz, but they’ve seemingly had a lot more of this stuff lately. Did they have an editorial change?

      1. “”I used to like Quartz, but they’ve seemingly had a lot more of this stuff lately””

        by “this stuff” do you mean, “shriekingly progtastic”?

        A scroll through their stories is like a greatest-hits-album of derp

        This one was notable for putting “Actual virtual” in the headline. it was so close to being unretarded

    4. “No wonder atheism is not attractive to women. As Katha Pollitt wrote for the Nation, “Why would women join a movement led by sexists and populated by trolls?” Like other forms of liberal misogyny (the Bernie Bros are a recent example)”

      HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA

      This person is a moron who’s just bought into every feminist lie, hasn’t she?

      1. Super Bernie Bros is a great game – you stomp on the 1% and grab all their gold coins.

        But the game can be over very quickly, because nobody needs so many extra lives.

        1. That sounds like a great concept game…first few levels have tons of coins and enemies, then as it drags on and on, the enemies disappear, the coins get scarce, and eventually even the terrain stops being interesting, until your character gets weak and dies of starvation, never reaching the mythical Bernietopia.

          Also, it’s a platformer that only goes left.

      2. Why would women join a movement led by sexists and populated by trolls?

        I dunno, Katha. Why do women join the feminist movement?

    5. That’s funny, I’d say progressivism is more of a religion. It isn’t even really atheist, it just misunderstands Voltaire’s point.

    6. As a capitalist-fueled institution

      Cuba’s 90 miles away. Feel free to move.

    7. This correlation between atheism and feminism for me…

      “In the atheism movement, social Darwinism…

      “As a capitalist-fueled institution, New Atheism has established…

      For fuck’s sake! Stop politicizing everything. You don’t believe in god(s) – awesome. Done. You’re an atheist. THAT IS ALL THE WORD MEANS.

      Fucking hell, this is why I’m glad I grew up in atheist country in which it was broadly understood that when everyone* got religion (1990) that was bullshit nationalist signaling and nothing more. So I don’t have to spend my existence defining myself to church/God/whatever.

      *actually, I have respect for people who were genuinely religious under Communist rule, and, from what little I saw, they weren’t the ones leading or engaging in subsequent bloodbath.

    8. “…As a capitalist-fueled institution…”

      They just can’t help but give everyone a little peek behind the curtain.

      She uses a lot of words there that she doesnt know the meaning of.

  29. Now, the public ? and media ? in the two countries that host the largest numbers of refugees in Europe are struggling with a difficult balancing act: How do you report and respond to crimes among the new arrivals without providing fuel for the anti-immigrant, far-right movement that wants to keep them all out?”

    1. “the two countries” = Sweden and Germany

    2. Goddamn are progs retarded. They truly cannot distinguish between perception and reality.

      Here’s a thought, progtards: if you actually punish and make a strong effort to prevent the crimes committed by refugees, then
      1) The right will have less to offer, over the status quo, in the way of security.
      2) People will be more likely to trust the establishment, on account of the establishment not brazenly lying to serve its agenda.
      3) Fewer crimes will be committed by refugees, because the bad ones will be gone or imprisoned or kept out in the first place
      4) People will be less worried about the refugees, because they will be committing fewer crimes, because of #3.

      1. Yeah, but the bad behavior they are engaging in is an integral part of their religion.

        The sole reason every single muslim doesn’t do that crap is because most of them aren’t very observant muslims.

    3. “How do you report and respond to crimes among the new arrivals without providing fuel for the anti-immigrant, far-right movement that wants to keep them all out?”

      The standard practice is to just lie, isnt it?

    4. the two countries that host the largest numbers of refugees in Europe

      I bet that Turkey is the country hosting the largest number of actual refugees.

      Can we please stop calling every frickin’ migrant from a backwards craphole a “refugee”? Its been crystal clear for quite some time that most of them are no such thing, unless you count “Fleeing a country because it has less welfare than some other country” as being a refugee.

  30. This is delicious:

    Hillary’s rather . . . noticable yellow jacket at last night’s debate has made a previous appearance:

    When she met with Goldman Sachs:

    http://thehill.com/blogs/ballo…..ng-goldman

  31. “YORK COUNTY, Va. (WAVY) ? The York-Poquoson Sheriff’s Office announced Monday morning that it recently added the words “In God We Trust” to it patrol cars.

    “In a statement on the department’s Facebook page Monday, Sheriff J.D. “Danny” Diggs said the decals cost $1,480, and that no taxpayer money was used to purchase them.

    “The decals were reportedly paid for by Diggs personally….

    “The Virginia General Assembly adopted a resolution in 2001, part of which supported and encouraged “public display of the national motto in all public buildings, public schools and other government institutions in Virginia.””

  32. . . . one of the actresses appeared in a number of softcore porn flicks.

    Otherwise known as not pornography.

    1. 11 year old Irish would be very angry with you if he weren’t too entranced by late night Skinemax to pay attention to what you’re saying.

      1. 11 year old Irish was probably sneaking the JC Penny catalog into the bathroom also – doesn’t make it pornography.

        She was doing erotica – pornography is a subset of erotic. At least in my lexicon.

  33. Progressives Really Don’t Understand Europe = Part XXXLVIIII

    They *love* our political process for its dynamism and diversity, and its actual promises of “change”

    “The astounding expenditure of dollars and drive still strikes Europeans as a marvel. And American enthusiasm prompts envy. For where the election campaign shows passionate intensity, we appear to lack all conviction. Europe drifts, among the many sharp rocks that now surround it.

    A plaster has been put over Greece, though it probably won’t hold. Its public debt has risen to 190 percent of national output, causing the IMF to suspend all further lending because it doesn’t believe it’s sustainable. Italy’s growth is almost invisible, and the IMF’s best forecast is an anemic increase of one percent a year for the next three years, on current policies. Not just growth, but improved productivity also eludes it: and the radical labor market changes deemed necessary are at best half done, with the most unpopular ? lower wages for many ? yet to come.”

  34. No seriously = this is good

    Florida Man Charged with Federal Hate Crime

    this guy mouthed off about how much he hated moozies.

    “Schnitzler admitted to having left profanity-laced voice messages with the Islamic Society of St. Petersburg and the Islamic Society of Pinellas County on Nov. 13, 2015, and in which he threatened congregants.”

    Notable is that this story is right-next to the thing about the ‘Machete Attack in Middle Eastern Restaurant by Guy Coincidentally Named Mo’. No mention of “hate'” there.

    1. I still remember the time CAIR wanted to charge a 19 year old with a hate crime that carried a five year prison sentence because he stole a $15.00 Koran and dropped it in a toilet.

      1. That reminds me, what is an “unindicted co-conspirator”, and under what circumstances would one expect a co-conspirator in a terrorism case to remain unindicted?

        1. When the co-conspirators are the FBI agents that fooled some poor sap into trying to use a fake bomb?

        2. under what circumstances would one expect a co-conspirator in a terrorism case to remain unindicted

          He continues to feed law enforcement the info that it demands, would be my guess.

  35. Yeeeaaaahhh, if we could reach more of the younger crowd with ads like that first one, that’d be greeeeeaaaaat.

    1. Next, Cruz should put out a video called “Hitler Finds Out Ted Cruz is Running for President.”

      That should show the young people that Cruz is hip and up to date!

  36. Hey Robby, you got linked in Canada’s Globe and Mail:

    Congrats!

  37. “Star Trek: Voyager, the worst of the Star Trek series.”

    Why does everyone hate on Voyager? I thought Janeway was a solid Captain. Also, I’m not into blondes, but Seven-of-Nine was definitely attractive.

  38. Oh THAT Gilmore. Thanks for the blue balls, Reason.

  39. my classmate’s mother-in-law makes $78 hourly on the computer . She has been out of work for 6 months but last month her check was $17581 just working on the computer for a few hours. view website…..
    ???????======= http://www.workbuzz60.com

  40. The technology is so developed that we can watch videos, live streaming, TV serials and any of our missed programs within our mobiles and PCs. Showbox
    All we need is a mobile or PC with a very good internet connection. There are many applications by which we can enjoy videos, our missed programs, live streaming etc.

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