Food Freedom

You've Got to Fight! For Your Right! To Green Bean Casserole!

Arizona has a ban on potlucks. For real.

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If you bring oranges to a potluck, maybe you should go to jail.
Credit: Accretion Disc / photo on flickr

Here's what happens when poorly written laws meet jerk-ass neighbors. The state of Arizona's food regulations exempt certain common private social functions from having to comply with all the safety requirements. These are common in most states. But for some reason, the exemption for private noncommercial potlucks only applies to workplaces. It is actually illegal in the state of Arizona to have a private potluck at home. You cannot bring your own dip made from mixing a ranch dressing packet into a tub of cream cheese to the neighbor's Super Bowl party.

One would imagine that the police and health departments probably don't go around looking for potlucks to bust up, and one would be correct. However, there's always that jerk. At Golden Acres Mobile Home Park in Apache Junction, one crank who somehow knew this one quirk in the law actually complained about community potlucks and got them shut down.

Because of that jerk, now Arizona State Rep. Kelly Townsend (R-Mesa) now has to go through the work to get the law changed and pushed back through the legislature and signed by the governor. It is HB2341-"potlucks; regulation exemption." All the bill does is simply strike out the part of the potluck rule that says "that takes place in a workplace" (and also replaces all occurrences of "assure" with "ensure" in the food regulations).

Because of the lawmaking process, it will probably take until at least summer until potlucks in Arizona become fully legal. So if you're one of those jerk neighbors in Arizona and the family down the street is playing loud music too late, keep an eye on when they've got a party and you're not invited. You know what to do.

NEXT: Cleveland Orders Family of 12-Year-Old Cop Victim Tamir Rice to Pay $500 Ambulance Fee [Updated]

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  1. OT but this should be a much bigger story than it is. This is one of the most amazing stories I have ever heard.

    http://www.foxnews.com/world/2…..print.html

    1. Yeah, that’s pretty awesome. A few other people have linked to articles about that.

      1. It should be a national sensation. I really think the media for some reason hates to highlight people fighting back and defending themselves. This story has everything you could want to move copy and it even fits the feminist narrative that women are as strong as men. But other than that one Fox News story, no one is touching it.

        1. The Daily Mail is on it. And the India Times. Surprisingly few stories from the US on it, though. It is weird. Seems like a story that any decent person would appreciate.

          1. The Mail will print anything that sells. The US media won’t. And they only thing I can figure is that they really don’t like the idea of people taking matters into their own hands.

            1. they only thing I can figure is that they really don’t like the idea of people taking matters into their own hands.

              They don’t want to give those bitter clingers any ideas. Plus the media has spent a lot of time and energy convincing their readers that it’s impossible for armed citizens to resist government because of the disparity in weapons available to an organized army compared to what civilians can get a hold of. This would seem to contradict that (although the ISIS Army isn’t near as powerful or organized as the US Army, but still).

              1. But there is plenty of coverage of the other civilian militias fighting ISIS and Assad. I don’t get it.

                1. But there is plenty of coverage of the other civilian militias fighting ISIS and Assad. I don’t get it.

                  It looks like Fox was the first to pick up the story and the first (only?) ones to actually speak to Captain Khatoon Khider. I would expect to see it making the rounds soon.

              2. Plus the media has spent a lot of time and energy convincing their readers that it’s impossible for armed citizens to resist government because of the disparity in weapons available to an organized army compared to what civilians can get a hold of.

                This is the core of a thought experiment I run through my head every now and then. If the shit ever really did hit the proverbial fan, whose side would the US Army come down on? The nostalgic in me likes to think that the professional officer corps would be hesitant to turn all posse commitatus, and might even get fed up enough with the Top Men that they’d join the rebellion. Then I start debating the likelihood of that in an all-volunteer career army, where the oath is pretty powerful, but the desire to defend liberty might be just as strong. My uniform was blue instead of green, but I remember clearly that the part of the oath we took most seriously was about defending the Constitution (not the Congress or the EPA, FDA, etc.). In any event, my little thought experiment usually gets carried away and turns into a fantasy of a few infantry companies showing the wannabe cop-soldiers how it’s really done.

                1. Damned squirrels got ahold of the italics button.

          2. Seems like a story that any decent person would appreciate.

            Well, that cancels out most of the US media right there.

        2. It does not fit the SJW narrative of rape “survivors” being the vulnerable victims of the Male Patriarchy and in need of special protection of the state.

          Oh. By suggesting that it is only outlier evil-doers who commit rape, this story is inconsistent with the feminist narrative that all men, everywhere, are complicit in the Rape Culture.

    2. Allah help any ISIS fighters they capture. Yeah that is awesome.

      1. I’m pretty confident any ISIS fighters they capture will get exactly what they deserve.

        1. Full castration followed by dressing them up like dolls.

          And then….

    3. That is very cool..I hope they’re successful

  2. Condensed canned soup hardest hit.

    1. And french fried onion rings.

    2. No funeral potatoes?

      Of course you realize, this means war.

  3. Thank God I don’t live in Arizona.
    Some of you get it.

  4. How are the gun laws in Arizona, though?

    Amirite?

    1. I hear they are pretty good. But are you allowed to shoot health inspectors that come to shut down your party?

      1. Doe they have a warrant?

        1. Are you trying to buck the system?

          1. Just tryin’ to answer the question!

  5. I have nothing against pot luck,but,do not bring a green bean casserole to my house.You will be removed by force.Over cooked vegetables are a sin.Then there’s the other crap in the casserole,looks like vomit.Now,green beans sauteed with butter,garlic and almonds,yum.

    1. I suppose you don’t like orange jello with carrot strips either.

      1. There is a place in hell for people like you,next to women who don’t vote for Hillary.

      2. Please tell me this is not a real “food.”

        1. I have seen this “food” in the wild. It is rare, but it exists. There are tales that if you eat it, you gain excellent night vision and a desire to kill General Woundwort.

          1. Rare? Come to Minnesoda and you can see this anytime you want.

            1. Unfortunately I’m not allowed in Canada, dude.

              1. Or Ecuador…or Bolivia…or Togo…or Sao Tome, Portugal, Lichtenstein or Swaziland.

                Did I miss any?

            2. My grandpa made it with pineapple too

              I thought it was a calamity, but everything else he made was great.

        2. Sometimes they mix it with whipped cream. For the avant-garde, it’s lime jello in place of orange.

          1. That’s literally the most Mormon shit I have ever heard. Fucking jello salad wackness.

            1. (says Nicole as she snacks on a Panettone from last Xmas)

          2. They fill lime jello with cool whip, chopped walnuts, canned pineapple, marshmallows, and tangerines.

            It’s called “ambrosia”.

            https://cheekychurchlady.files. wordpress.com/2011/04/ lime-jello-mold.jpg

            1. If it’s really classy, the add maraschino cherries and shredded coconut.

    2. A real American loves green bean casserole and all of its glory.

    3. What CPA said. What the hell kind of a pinko commie prevert doesn’t like green bean casserole?

      1. The same kind that doesn’t really dig ham.

        1. I like ham,but,salt cured.

          1. Ham is filler meat that is designed to go in other things and not to be served as is.

            1. Amen. Fuck ham. Jam?n, on the other hand…

            2. American style cooked ham, perhaps. A good dry cured ham is one of the finest food items there is.

        2. What!

          Have you never had ham, green beans, and potatoes all cooked together?

          1. No.

          2. Sounds disgusting.

            1. *faints*

      2. Someone that has taste and and cook without caned soup. I guess you eat it with Bush light or PBR.

        1. You can be a foodie without being a snob. I have ate plenty of great meals. Everyone can appreciate green bean casserole. You could too if you would just let yourself.

          1. Green beans are fucking disgusting no matter how they’re served, end of story.

            1. What do you know? You don’t like ham.

              Hmmph.

          2. No,just,no.

          3. What exactly is there to appreciate? How shitty it is? Talk about the soft bigotry of low expectations.

          4. I think I see the problem here. See some illiterate people who don’t know any better sometimes refer to hotdish as “casserole”. I’m sure Adans thought casserole was some sort of Italian food that he wanted nothing of.

            He didn’t realize that he was disparaging hotdish. No hotdish is ever bad. Green bean hotdish is a requirement for any large gathering in Minnesoda.

            1. You’re right. I do have to give you Midwestern kooks credit for really mastering the art of barely seasoned fat fuck foods.

              1. “Fat Fuck foods”

                And yet Minnesota has one of the lower obesity rates.

            2. Um…”casserole” is French…

    4. I’m with you on the green bean casserole stuff. Shit’s nasty. We part ways on the overcooked veggies part though. Southern style green beans are heavenly.

      1. I just like my veggies al dente,or raw.Beef rare and beer so dark and thick a spoon will stand up in the glass.

        1. I’m with you on the veggies and the beer. But if I eat rare beef it’s like intestinal armageddon for me.

    5. I happen to like green bean casserole, although I rarely have it. I usually have it more similar to your recipe.

    6. Green beans are only good when they’re freshly-picked and raw.

    7. Green beans stir-fried with black bean sauce and thinly sliced strips of pork.

      Oh, God. I just had a foodgasm.

  6. You can take my undercooked cornbread from my moist, somewhat sticky hands.

    1. I make a roast wood duck in a wine and garlic sauce with dark mushrooms that would go great with your corn bread

      1. I make a roast wood duck in a wine and garlic sauce with dark mushrooms

        I… uh…

        Will you marry me? Don’t care if it’s a straight or gay wedding.

    2. One of these days I have to try brown sugar on my cornbread. And if it ain’t at least 20% batter still then it ain’t real cornbread.

      1. It’s pretty fucking great — that’s how I (or rather, my wife) make my cornbread.

        And Adam’s duck sounds like the kind of thing that’d get him a second invite to la hacienda.

  7. They just need someone to decide which rules are stupid and can be ignored. Perhaps a committee. Now that’s something I’d volunteer for.

    1. No,they just need to leave people alone and make LAWS based in harm.

  8. dip made from mixing a ranch dressing packet into a tub of cream cheese to the neighbor’s Super Bowl party

    EE-uck.

    1. Personally, I always mixed the ranch dressing packet with sour cream. And the packet itself called for mayonnaise, as I recollect.

      *plucks guitar*

      I like to call this one…

      French Onion Dip

      Trim and peel one yellow onion. Cut into rough chunks, toss with olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast in the oven until brown and tender.

      Toss the onions into a food processor and puree. Add eight ounces of cream cheese, salt and pepper, splash or four of milk, and beef bouillon to taste.

      1. Guitar? You are losing your rap cred, Tim.

  9. roast wood duck in a wine and garlic sauce with dark mushrooms

    Yikes. I wish I had some of that right now. And I sure as shit wouldn’t share it with any of you assholes.

    1. It’s best with wild rice and a good stout or porter.

      1. Seriously, marry me.

    2. Is wood duck one of those things I’m thinking of? You’d have to be pretty desperate.

      1. No,it’s a duck,smaller than a mallard that nests in trees.They eat mostly acorns and other wild nuts and ,now,corn.You mostly jump shoot them and they are very fast and a hard target.

  10. It’s a war on Thanksgiving.

    1. And Independence Day and Labor Day.

  11. At Golden Acres Mobile Home Park in Apache Junction, one crank who somehow knew this one quirk in the law

    The pathetic waste of human life probably actually spent time looking up the laws surrounding potlucks and parties, looking for something that they could use to harass their neighbors. Some people seem to have really retarded hobbies. I sincerely hope this busybody piece of shit gets Lou Gherig’s disease.

    1. And you know, if that person put half the time and effort they spent into harassing their neighbors into something productive, they wouldn’t be living in the Golden Acres Mobile Home Park in Apache Junction.

      1. Yeah, but actually doing something useful with your life is a lot of work…

  12. It’s in AJ so the neighbors probably ratted out his meth cooking operation and he’s been looking high and low for something to bust them out on.

    1. ‘Hey,a man’s got ta make a living’ ‘Dying an’t much of a living boy’.

  13. Isnt there an entire book on how to get even with assholes like this? The only trick I remember is putting cat shit down into the air conditioner vents in their car, but there are a zillion things like that.

    Also, Adans is not invited to my house.

    1. Or any potluck served in a church basement in the Midwest.

    2. Skunk essence on the engine block.You can buy it at a hunting shop.

  14. With this ‘one quirk in the law’
    You can harass your neighbors with the full force of the State!

    Click here to learn more.

    1. I think you mean:

      Seven quirky laws you can use to harass your neighbors.
      Number 4 will amaze you.

  15. The people who have to cancel their potlucks should just switch to progressive dinner parties. If it’s illegal to bring the food to the people, then bring the people to the food.

    I’m sure the cranky neighbor would prefer all the vehicle traffic.

  16. This calls for Jihad!! Well, Jihad’s not really a thing in the Baha’i Faith, but NO MATTER. You don’t get between the Baha’is and the right to potluck!!

  17. ‘and also replaces all occurrences of “assure” with “ensure” in the food regulations’

    Wait a sec: Isn’t there a way AROUND the current law then, because of this miswording?? If you don’t have to ENSURE any safety measures, only ASSURE them, can’t you just tell the cops you followed the safety protocol and technically be complying with this law??

  18. Ranch dressing seasoning mixed with cream cheese is so gauche. No wonder we need the government to take care of us.

  19. vis a vis the Sotomayor/jury nullification article, this is the perfect place where a jury should refuse to convict even where the law and the facts indisputably call for a conviction. Show this to those petrified carcasses at SCOTUS.

  20. That’s pretty funny… sad, but funny.

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    All we need is a mobile or PC with a very good internet connection. There are many applications by which we can enjoy videos, our missed programs, live streaming etc.

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