Reason Weekly Contest: Super Supportive School Sports Cheer
Last week's winners revealed.


Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's question is:
The Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association has announced it will no longer allow students or cheerleaders to taunt the other team. Please come up with a new, super-supportive cheer.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to contest@reason.com. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "CHEER" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Jan. 18. Winners will appear on Jan. 22. In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: With North Korea claiming it has detonated a hydrogen bomb, we asked for a new nickname for the country.
THE WINNER:
"Make Korea Great Again" -- Varon Mullis
SECOND PLACE:
#HalfLivesMatter -- Tim Whalen, Manassas, VA
THIRD PLACE:
"Let a hundred flowers wither." -- Christopher P. Brown, Idlewylde, MD
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
"Still less radioactive than Japan"
"Welcome to the DPRK: Where our Supreme Leader builds the nukes himself, by hand" -- Brian Huisman, Burlington, Ontario
"Speak falsely, and carry a big dick." -- RC
"North Korea: The country that H2Blows!" -- Michael Holman, Salem, OR
"We have detonated a hydrogen bomb. And a short fat sociopath in an auto mechanic's outfit is a literal God. And we invented the hamburger. And our country is the envy of the world. And that talk about periodic mass famines and half of the population living without electricity, running water, or enough food is lies invented by the rest of the world, where people are literally dying in the streets. And we have thousands of border guards ordered to shoot any of our citizens who try to leave this paradise." -- Jim Henshaw (aka Prolefeed), Austin, TX
"We may not have lights, but now we glow!" -- Keith W. Pulley
"Our future's so bright, we've got to wear shades!" -- Nick Sayeedi, Castle Rock, CO
"It's Not Only Our Kimchi That Will Make You Feel the Burn" --Walter Hayes, Hartsdale, NY
" Visit North Korea and live The Hunger Games!" -- Ben Fairbanks, Boulder, CO
"Live Free or Die. Ha! We Make You Do Second One."
"Korea - where you can have a blast!" -- Joyce Farrell, Wautoma, WI
Here Today, Pyong Tomorrow. -- Christopher P. Brown, Idlewylde, MD
"Now the brightest spot in the satellite photos"
"Kim-boom!"
"Home of the Seoul-seeker" -- Jim Noble, Boulder Creek, CA
AND FROM THE COMMENTS:
"Norkuler Superpower!"
"North Korea: Who's brighter at night now, bitch?"
"Come for the poverty, stay for the oppression!"
"Millions for defense, not a penny for food!"
"Gangnam Style!"
"North Korea: We only have one obese person in the whole country! Suck it, fatso Americans!"
"Can you see us now, NASA?"
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"It's great you can eat that much and still keep your figure."
"You would look so much better if you just lost a few pounds."
"You would look so much better if you just lost a few pounds."
"I applaud your Midwestern values."
No taunting the other team, huh? What about their own?
"Win or you suck!"
"Stop cruisin' for a losin'!"
"Don't choose to lose!"
"Only winners get oral sex after the game!"
How about support for the opposing team?
"Beat our asses!"
"Beat our asses!"
"Beat our asses!"
Hmm. Could work for SMU.
"I would."
You say that like it means something.
We won't even say that our team's the best
to compare you to them is to microaggress!
Nice
*applause*
"You're beautiful, no matter what they say, words can't bring you down."
You are en fuego.
Excellent.
"This penis party's got to go, hey-hey, ho-ho."
"Never mind what the sports reporters say, we still love you!"
"SAAAFE SPACE!"
"SAAAFE SPACE!"
"SAAAFE SPACE!"
*Opposing team excluded from stadium*
"Let's go everyone!"
*clap clap clapclapclap*
"Let's go everyone!"
*clap clap clapclapclap*
Shift to the left!
Shift to the right!
Pop up! Push down!
Byte, byte, byte!
/MIT Cheer
+1 movl mem_location(?x,?x,4), ?x
That was some beautiful x86 code before the squirrels chopped it up!
With short jumps like these you're never going to stack up to the other team.
I register what you're saying.
I think Tom Lehrer had the last word some decades back, or am I the only one who remembers "Fight Fiercely, Harvard?"
Here it is
"While I do not want to engage in any microagressions or appear supportive of the straight white male oppressive patriarchy, I do hope you do not make that free throw shot, although if you do I will be supportive of your decision to do so"
"Try your best to win them all, and one day time will tell when you're the one that's standing there, you'll reach the final bell, because you're the best...around! Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!"
"We sure admire your persistence!"
"Yo, inflate *these* balls!"
Oops, how did he get in here? Escort him out!
P.A. Announcer: Our cheerleaders will hold up these blank cards and you can fill them in yourselves [thoughts only, please].
"That ended quickly because you are so hot."
"This will be an easy chip-shot field goal, Blair Walsh, as it's only 27 yards and you could make with your eyes clo--AAAARRGH!!!!
So they didn't mention anything about the officials? Then I say use the old classic:
"We got a rope. We got a tree.
All we need is a referee!"
For San Francisco University:
"?We will, we will suck you!
We will, we will suck you!
We will, we will suck you!
We will, we will suck you!?"
2, 4, 6, 8,
We know you guys are really great!
8, 6, 4, 2,
The other team's as great as you!
If you could win, that would be swell,
But if you lose, we'll say "oh, well
At least your opponents got the win!"
We don't give a shit, we're on Klonopin!
"We will, we will, rock hug you!"
Save the cheerleader, save the world.
Super supportive state-approved cheer:
Stop resisting!
Stop resisting!
I suppose "Kneel before Zod" is out now, too.
Darn, I got distracted & forgot to enter:
Korea: not just a neurologic symptom!
"Pssst...that's chorea."
D'oh!
"We sure love you, you are great
Especially since you're down by eight!"
"We love how you're not skinny and deranged
Like the starving nuked teams in Pyongyang!"
"We're legally required, don't you know
by the Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association
to not say you blow
Or microaggress by saying your cheerleaders are hos
So ... um ... happy happy go go go??"
Jim Henshaw ("prolefeed")
Austin, TX
2,4,6,8
You win cause' you participate!
Ignore that the score is
a hundred to three
You are winners and so are we!
Don't fret to forget
what it says on that sign
the key to success is to bitch and whine!
Plop, Plop, Fizz Fizz, Oh what fun this is!
Support is always important. I remember not getting one when I was a college student. I could not ask my parents for help, so I had to buy an essay Canada online. But it is a completely another story. This is a totally another thing. I see how enthusiastic these people are. I am not even sure I could show so much support myself. The spirit is amazing. I am sure it looked even better in reality. Very funny and very supportive. Keep up with the good job!