Rubio Absent for Omnibus Vote, Victory for Vegan Mayo, Sanders Camp at War With DNC: P.M. Links


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The Year in Television: 2015: As alternative platforms ascend, let's look at the best of what 'traditional' networks offered. By Glenn Garvin

U.S. Foreign Policy Is Too Militarized: How the military became the most powerful diplomatic tool America has—and why that won't help win the fight against ISIS. By Nick Gillespie & Amanda Winkler 

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  1. Shitty cafeteria food is now a microagression because of course it is (and also because Oberlin):

    At issue are foods such as General Tso’s chicken being served with steamed chicken instead of fried ? which is not authentically Chinese, and simply “weird,” one student bellyached.

    Others were up in arms over Banh Mi Vietnamese sandwiches served with coleslaw instead of pickled vegetables on ciabatta bread ? rather than traditional French baguette.

    “It was ridiculous,” Diep Nguyen, a freshman who is a Vietnam native, told The Oberlin Review, the school newspaper.

    “How could they just throw out something completely different and label it as another country’s traditional food?”

    Not only that, but the sushi rice was undercooked in a way that was, according to one Japanese student, “disrespectful” of her culture.

    Full disclosure: I once ordered bahn mi at Whole Foods and those fuckers also use ciabatta and it was ridiculous.

    1. All of this microagresses against me. I’m a level 5 vegan.

      1. Level 5? Oh honey…

        1. Oh, no you didn’t just do that??!?

          1. Was that cultural appropriation? Oops.

      2. Sounds like you need to spend some more time at Vegan Academy.

      3. You don’t eat anything that casts a shadow?

    2. Next thing you know, assholes will make vegan “mayo” with a great big egg on the logo.

      1. And the same people will trip over themselves praising it.

      2. Ersatz “Mayo” is the one who caved:

        new labeling will stress the fact that Just Mayo does not contain eggs.

        1. Yeah: “no eggs” in tiny print on the side.

          1. PORN!!!!

            … no nudity involved….

            1. Rule 34 says that this is already a thing.

              1. Who doesn’t like an over the pants handy every now and then?

          2. I don’t understand the problem here. It’s vegan mayo. Its only consumers already assume it has no egg product. If it had egg product it wouldn’t be vegan and wouldn’t have a market. So… who cares what is on its label?

            1. It doesn’t say “vegan” on the label. They are clearly counting on tricking a few folks into buying it.

              Oh, and both stories linked today claim that the government says mayonnaise doesn’t have to have eggs. That’s not what went down at all. Fookin’ journalists.

              1. I thought the entire point is that it’s vegan.

      3. Alt-aly text. My Precious.

      4. There’s no pus like synthetic pus.

    3. “How could they just throw out something completely different and label it as another country’s traditional food?”

      This is a grave insult to whichever Vietnamese guy invented the French baguette.

      1. *slow clap*

      2. +1 benefits of colonialism

      3. I’m upset because I can’t get chop suey here in Taiwan.

        1. And no fortune cookies! Don’t these people ever think about the future?

          1. Where are the women’s lib fortune cookies?

            Also known as: “Ms. fortune cookies”.

    4. They should try the Shi Tchicken in Shi Tpa Town

      1. *claps* “RET’S GO CHILD RABOR FORCE, RET’S GO!”

    5. When I was reading it I could not believe it was not from The Onion. Even after reading about this crap almost daily on

    6. Oberlin is ground zero for SJW retardation

    7. Hello.

      General Tso? I thought it was Tao.

      Hey man, I have to endure the massacre of Italian food so others need to suffer along with me.

      1. Tell me about it, brother.

        1. I hear ya, sister. I mean, chicken with pasta. What the fuck is that?

          1. Right!?!?!?

          2. Delicious chicken alfredo?

            1. THERE’S A CHICKEN ALFREDO?!

              /faints. More concussions.

              1. Sometimes even on pizza…

                1. THUD.

                  1. Ah shit, he’s dead this time.

      2. Spaghetti Warehouse or Olive Garden?

          1. Fuuuuuuuu, I haven’t seen one of those since I lived in Phoenix.

            1. Lucky you. Fazolis sucks

              1. Listen, be that as it may, I don’t think you realize how italian-deprived we are here in Idaho…

                Even fazoli’s starts to look good after a while.

                1. That is a very sad story.

                  1. I know, tragedy of our times.


            2. I don’t know enough to say it’s authentic Eyetalin or not but we have a small chain called Carrabas that serves up some tasty eatin.

              Absolutely the best calamari I’ve eaten and their marinara is second only to my wife’s fresh from her garden ingredients variety.

              1. We have a Carrabas. Has had consistency issues but I have had some very good things there. It’s hard when you cook.

        1. There’s a ‘spaghetti warehouse’?


          1. There is one in Syracuse. Don’t stop there the next time you drive through New York.

            1. I seem to remember one in downtown Toronto – it was a highlight of a sixth-grade class trip. Or maybe it was “Spaghetti Factory”.

              1. Or ‘SPAGHETTI WHOREHOUSE’.


                2. They only serve pasta alla puttanesca.

              2. There used to be both an Old Spaghetti Factory and a Spaghetti Warehouse in Atlanta.

          2. Not to be confused with the Spaghetti Whorehouse. You want to avoid that one.

            1. You and Rufus should be simultaneously ashamed of yourselves.

              1. As a practicing spaghetti whore, I don’t see why?

              2. Look who’s talking.

            2. I’m sorry but if i was aware of a spaghetti whorehouse, I would go nowhere else

          3. You can eat spaghetti sitting in an old railcar.

          4. My grandparents used to take me to the one in Columbia when I was little, it was located in an actual old warehouse.

            1. Where is ‘Columbia’?

              Do you mean D.C., B.C. or the country in South America?

              1. The one in South America is Colombia.

                There are at least 2 dozen places called “Columbia” in the US.

              2. The one in SC.

                1. That’s the one where everyone drives like Dukes of Hazzard all the time.

      3. Don’t get me started on corned beef and cabbage…NOT an Irish mainstay. Tasty though.

        1. The best corned beef on earth comes from here:

          The meat (brisket I believe) made in 50-lb. batches that are placed in a huge tumbler with a dry-rub and is then tumbled for 24 hours. If memory serves, they then let it rest for a number of days. When prepared, it isn’t boiled, but rather slow-roasted in a pan with a hint of water in a 350 degree oven for about four hours. One can add cabbage and carrots during the last 90-minutes or so. It. Is. Wonderful! And the gravy is fantastic.

          1. The pan is covered btw.

          2. No prices on the site.

          3. That is called braising, not roasting. #foodsnobsmatter

            If you want to kick up even the store-bought corned beef, slather the top (fatty side) with spicy mustard mixed with some honey or brown sugar(to taste). When you have finished the braise, pop off the top of your pan (or as in my case, peal off the foil it was wrapped in) and broil it the oven for 5 minutes or so until that stuff is golden brown and delicious.

        2. Corned beef and cabbage is disgusting. It’s a waste of perfectly good corned beef.

          1. One of my favorite deli sandwiches is hot corned beef with mustard on rye. Now I want a hot corned beef with mustard on rye.

            1. + 1 large slice of dill pickle

            2. That is the highest and best use of corned beef.

              1. Reuben. Rose Bowl. Omaha.

      4. You think Italians have it rough. I have to deal with people appropriating haggis and using……, you mean people actually boiled it in sheep stomach?
        Well feel free to borrow away!

      5. I think “Tao” is the Canadian name for it, no? Toronto is the only place I’ve seen it called that.

        I’ve also seen it called “General Gau” in New England. The General goes by many names, kind of like Darryl Dawkins.

    8. General Tso’s Chicken is not even authentic Chinese.

      1. Shhh. That’s the best part.

      2. I learned that when I hung out with some Chinese dudes during my days at the bank. They called it ‘white man food’. Classic. They took me and a couple of other wops to some Chinese dives in Chinatown. Ah, good times.

        1. Is that when you developed your insatiable craving for 3 penis wine?

        2. One thing I’ve learned in China is to only go to the places where the locals go. The condition of the premises is less important.

      3. General Tso was another Confederate general, right? That’s another microaggression right there

    9. General Tso’s chicken

      Invented in America, BTW.

      1. I believe it was actually invented in Taiwan, but modified for American tastes. There’s a doc on Netflix, IIRC.

      2. Someone told me he exists simply to cater to our sweet tooth because he never existed in the flesh.

    10. General Tso’s, just like all “Chinese Food” as we know, it is an entirely American dish. There’s a pretty sweet documentary on Netflix about it. Also, how is a traditional Vietnamese sandwich served on French baguette? Why the hell did they get to appropriate the bread from the French!?

      1. Because the French colonized them.

      2. The VC liberated the bread from their colonial oppressor.

      3. I wouldn’t say “entirely American” – just tweaked. I’ve had plenty of the real thing both here and in China and it’s all identifiably “Chinese”.

      4. I was totally blown away to find out Egg Foo Yung which is my Chinese go to was invented in California when watching From Paris With Love. John Travolta was pissed too

        1. The gross brown gravy that is served with it sometimes didn’t tip you off?

          1. You must go to some shitty chinese places.

    11. I once ordered bahn mi at Whole Foods

      This is somehow really funny.

      1. Not my finest hour. Or lunch.

        1. Has the makings of a fine Clickhole article: “This woman just ordered a Vietnamese food at a Whole Foods, and didn’t like it”.

          Would read.

          1. Her lack of blood sugar made choosing a menu item more difficult, but ultimately the woman settled on the “bahn mi” option offered at the sandwich counter. She stood and looked on, bored, as the minimum wage, non-unionized supermarket employee slowly began to pull on a fresh pair of plastic gloves.

            “Would you like that on ciabatta?” he asked. The woman, confused and hypoglycemic, scrambled to answer, blurting “yes” before realizing that normally, the Vietnamese fare was served on baguettes.

            But before she could change her order, she realized the counter worker had already slathered a layer of artisanal mayonnaise on half of the loaf.

            1. Add Jon Cryer in to the story somehow and you have yourself a sitcom!

              1. So, would he play the sammie jockey?

            2. No one at Whole Foods makes minimum wage, those fuckers start at like $13.00 an hour. In my teens I would have sold you all into homo (or sapho) erotic servitude to have a job that paid that much.

        2. It’s offensive because you can buy amazing bahn mi for $3.00 in manhattan while Whole Foods probably wanted at least twice that for a mediocre version of it.

          They did have a bahn mi bowl once that wasn’t too bad. It was all the ingredients of bahn mi thrown in a bowl with rice and a healthy amount of off-brand sriracha.

      1. I understood spaghetti to be something Marco Polo brought back from the Orient.

        Your video agrees, because the spaghetti comes from the slopes overlooking lake Pagano.

        1. *arches eyebrow, reaches for wineglass*

        2. No need to get all racist there Bob.

    12. Fuck the Vietnamese. How dare they claim a sandwich made with a French baguette as their own. That kind of cultural appropriation makes me want to throw up all over your head, madam.

    13. Watched a nice lil documentary about General Tso’s on Prime a while back. Long story short: it’s American.

      1. which, of course, was covered in the space between my comment and the one i was replying to.

        1. Fortune cookies invented in NJ, IIRC.

          1. Ms. Fortune Cookies are universal.

    14. What morons. General Tso’s is as authentically Chinese as fortune cookies.

    15. Others were up in arms over Banh Mi Vietnamese sandwiches served with coleslaw instead of pickled vegetables on ciabatta bread ? rather than traditional French baguette.

      So poor Diep wants uncomfortable reminders of the halcyon days of Frog colonial exploitation? Shouldn’t the more accurate term for such a confection be an Indochina Sandwich?

      Do these fucks even think before they speak? If the worldviews expressed here were code, this shit would not be buggy, it would just not compile at all.

    16. So- it’s not authentic Vietnamese because they don’t use authentic *French* bread?

      What the actual fuck?

    17. Yeah, man. I hate when General Tso’s chicken isn’t done in the authentic Chinese way. *eyeroll*

  2. Loose cheetah photographed on snowy B.C. highway

    Creston RCMP are warning residents in the area to be on the lookout for the large, possibly dangerous cat wearing an orange cloth collar, and authorities are hoping to speak with the cheetah’s owner.

    1. Cytotoxic’s pet?

      1. Nah, he’s wanting a Syrian refugee/terrorist for a pet…

        1. Exactly. These are Cytotoxic’s pets. “We’re here to improve Europe!”

          1. COMPANY ADVANCE

    2. That’s some big pussy, eh?

    3. [testing] Baboo, serpentine! [/testing]

      Only 32 comments by 4:45? Maybe there’s an internet outage affecting Fist and others?

      1. All the nerds still sleepy from Star Wars (I wasn’t home till 2:30 AM, and had to deal with WordPress at 8 AM – I do not recommend either course of action).

    1. Denmark just needs Cytotoxic to explain to them that all they need to do is accept as many poor, semi-literate Muslims who don’t speak Danish as want to come, and their economy will perk right up.

      No, that’s not quite correct. Cytotoxic says that all the Muslim problems of Europe are due to their welfare states, so they need to end welfare for all citizens, as well as welcoming as many Muslims as want to come. Sounds like a winning political platform, eh?

      1. Damn right. Other countries don’t have these problems. Welfarism = ghettoism

    2. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. The Danes right arms must be feeling a little stiff lately. They may as well treat themselves to some gold teeth while they’re at it.

      1. Really – the assholes are taking the free out of free shit.

  3. NYT stupidly edits an article in print edition to remove information that Obama wasn’t watching much cable news after the Paris attacks. Shame on the NYT. But…

    Obama critics immediately pounced on the stunning admission from the president, expressing shock that he would claim that a lack of TV time was the real reason for him not understanding Americans’ anxiety about terrorism.

    How on earth would anyone “understand Americans’ [sic] anxiety about terrorism” without exposure to the media in which that anxiety is being performed publicly? Is he supposed to magically predict the exact degree of irrational fear the media is able to gin up in the populace? Yes, the passage made him look like kind of a dope, but that’s because IMO he should have been watching cable news; that’s part of his job. But without it, how the fuck would you find out about this? I do not know a single person IRL who is worried about terrorism or talks about it unless there is an attack going on right at the moment. It is not something I discuss with friends or family. No one I know IRL seems to be afraid.

    1. The guy who learns about every scandal in his administration from newspapers or TV claims that he doesn’t watch enough cable news. Right.

    2. He governs according to his feelings and perception. Little or nothing else. It seems.

      1. That’s a damn lie!

        He hasn’t governed at all!

      1. I’m not scared.

        1. Nikki, at the end of the Roman Empire: “Why should I fear the Visigoths? They’ve done nothing to me. They should have the right to move wherever they want. Look, there are some now! They don’t look too scary. Hi, Visigoths! Wait, what are doing?? No!!!”

          1. Stosh to Milos: “We should let the nice Germans immigrate. Let’s not be so backwards, it’s 1939!”

          2. Dipshit does not understand difference between immigration and invasion. Surprise level: 0

    3. Yes, the passage made him look like kind of a dope, but that’s because IMO he should have been watching cable news; that’s part of his job.

      Disagree ? that’s his staff’s job. A president should have staff watching news programs and providing analysis that includes American and foreign reaction to that news. The president’s job is to take that analysis and add it to the analysis provided by staff from intelligence agencies, the military, the diplomatic corps, etc., and use it to formulate American policy.

      1. “The president’s job is to take that analysis and add it to the analysis provided by…”

        …the rest of his foursome.

    4. uuuh maybe someone who works for him might explain it to him

      or he could read about it in the paper where he claims he gets his other news

  4. Kansas cops demolish single mom’s home and destroy children’s Christmas tree ? by mistake

    According to Sheriff Groves, police were looking for Doug Alexius, a suspect wanted on a misdemeanor count of assaulting a law enforcement officer and another drug-related charge. Upon entering the home, the team used a ‘hi-tech’ and expensive infrared camera that showed them Alexius was hiding in the attic. Incorrectly believing Alexius was in the attic, they backed out and a 20-hour long standoff ensued.

    After not breaking things or killing anyone for 19 hours, the officers became restless, said to hell with the Sheriff’s strategy of waiting for him to come out, and proceeded to storm the home.

    Apparently all of this over a misdemeanor assault of one of the King’s men.

    1. Georgia, not Kansas, according to the story. But Jesus.

      1. Nevermind. Headline said Georgia, then Kansas. It’s Kansas.

    2. a 20-hour long standoff ensued

      Is it really a “standoff” if the guy isn’t actually there? More like a standaround amirite?

    3. The most infuriating part is that the sheriff maintains an attitude of “everything we did was tactically correct” and brushes off concerns about the family’s house with assurances that somebody else will pay for it. There’s a GoFundMe campaign for the family: (Advice: don’t read the Facebook comments. 95% of them are supportive, but there’s a minority of infuriating idiocy.)

      1. What position could those 5% possibly stake-“You shoulda just come clean and admitted he was there”?

        /couldn’t find video. Also, not reading those comments.

    4. The woman is lucky.

      Tired government employees was the same excuse that Janet Reno used when they burned 80 some odd adults and children in Waco.

  5. Okay, now I’m getting kind of worried about Fist.

    1. They must have forgot to charge his battery.

    2. Does anyone have Warty’s number? He just probably forgot to let Fist out of the basement.

      1. I have Warty’s number.

        Skinny calves.

        Very skinny calves based on a pic he posted here.

    3. He’s smurfing right now, surely.

      1. You said you wanted to live in a world without Fist of Etiquette, Jimmy. Now you don’t have any first comments.

        1. But how am I going to learn about fisting etiquette without your pearls of wisdom??

  6. Regarding the earlier article on upfunding of USDOEdumucation’s loathsome OCR: It appears that congress has just given Team Red candidates something to run against for only USD $7,000,000 of our money.

    1. Probably an accurate summation of the situation

  7. Wow, ghouls are really attached to their fake mayonnaise.

    1. He is with his mommy!

      The little fucker got ten years probation, which apparently wasn’t generous enough (it was exceedingly generous), and now he is going to have to spend a lot of time in prison when he is caught, which he inevitably will be.

      1. Really. All because of a video of him playing beer pong.

        As long as there is no evidence, like a breath test failure or such I don’t know how a video could prove he was drinking alcohol.

        All the video shows is him drinking out of a cup which isn’t a crime.


    2. The court treated him the same way they treat cops.

    3. The article doesn’t say if the original conviction was the kid’s first offence or not.

      I tend to be in favor of giving someone a chance to rehabilitate themselves. It is bound to fail in many cases, but punitive justice has few positive results.

      The story suggests his mother is aiding the escape. If so, she’s the one who should get the big sentence.

      1. the teenager who killed four people and injured several others,

        It is unheard of these days to kill four people and injure others and not spend time in prison.

        I agree that in many cases the guilt that a person who was inebriated and hurt others has to live with could be punishment enough (at least without a lengthy prison sentence), but this kid received a royal deal, and he wasn’t ever really apologetic.

        1. Yeah, he sounds like a spoiled little prick. Running away only confirms that.

          However, with that attitude, he is bound to screw up again. I just hope no-one but his mommy gets hurt.

          1. Nothing some knives, blowtorches, and assorted other instruments of “correction” won’t fix.

    4. Between “affluenza” and “Pharmabro” i’m beginning to really fucking hate the news-media

  8. It’s nice to see the Democrats splintering into a war.
    Maybe if Sanders and Trump both run as independents the LP will get 5% of the popular vote

    1. Libertarian moment thanks to a socialist and a “fascist”.

    2. The best hope for the Libertarian party is that Clinton and Trump get the nominations for their respective parties.

      (If this does happen, consider the Canadian border closed until further notice.)

      1. Indeed, I know several people who will go 3rd party in that eventuality.

        1. I expect that most of the Team Blue defectors will vote for the Green Party candidate.

      2. so you are saying maybe 6% ?

    3. It’s fantastic. I’m glad that something has finally snapped some of them out of their borg like state. It took something as profoundly evil as a Hillary to do it. Maybe she does have some redeeming value after all. A couple of progs I know, really the only 2 that I talk to, said they won’t vote if Hillary is the candidate. Well one said he’ll vote 3rd party whatever that means.

      1. This might be what it takes to kill both. The R’s splitting into something between authoritarian conservative and that libertarian leaning edge might pull enough out to stand on its own, and the D’s into full prog/socialism vs and the current “center left”.
        Would they vote green?

  9. “These pesky pieces of plastic may be tiny, but they are causing big time pollution.”

    Is there anything to this, or can I just assume it’s hogwash?

    1. They do seem to be bad, just tiny beads of plastic that don’t break down.

      1. Marry them. Then the breakup is inevitable.

    2. Plastic mimics estrogen, and the small pieces are ingested by aquatic life. I know it’s a real problem with whales.

  10. Vegan mayonnaise company Hampton Creek fought the Food and Drug Administration?and won.

    Well… sortakinda…

    st Mayo, the vegan mayonnaise created by San Francisco company Hampton Creek, gets to keep its name. The Food and Drug Administration had sent a warning letter to the company, stating it couldn’t market a product as mayonnaise if it doesn’t contain eggs, but the company tells Quartz the government agency has reversed ground.

    Hampton Creek CEO Josh Tetrick told Quartz new labeling will stress the fact that Just Mayo does not contain eggs. The FDA said it “considers the issues cited in the warning letter to be resolved and will issue a close out letter soon.”

    So there was a sort-of compromise from how I interpret this.

    1. Was it a timely donation to the Clinton Foundation?

    2. Read this carefully:

      After receiving the warning letter in August, Tetrick used a Freedom of Information request to obtain emails from the American Egg Board, a pseudo-governmental lobbying agency that’s funded by the egg industry but run by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Those emails showed the Egg Board paid bloggers to slam the product, tried to persuade Whole Foods to drop Just Mayo, debated alerting the FDA to how the name “Just Mayo” was supposedly misleading, and joked about “putting a gangster-style hit on Hampton Creek’s CEO.” Some emails also mentioned possible ways to discredit Bizarre Foods host Andrew Zimmern, who has expressed his adoration of Just Mayo on TV and online.

      In a phone conversation with Eater, Zimmern explained he supports Hampton Creek because he believes the company is changing America’s food industry for the better.

      What this whole thing with the FDA and the Egg Board brings up for me is that the folks responsible at the top of the chains, instead of trying to help make a food life great for all Americans, are actually just trying to make it right for a few corporations,” Zimmern said.

      Remember folks, the problem is kkkochporashuns, not a regulatory environment run by the state which attracts, nay– demands regulatory capture.

      If Hampton Creek hasn’t learned the real important lesson here, then it’s just rackets won by whoever has the strongest lobbying.

      1. Josh Tetrick was ALMOST RAPED by the Egg Board.

      2. Oh Andrew… I am disappointed.

        1. Why are we blaming Zimmern? His quote seems solid to me. He’s describing rent-seeking perfectly. He’s complaining about the guys at the top of a government agency and a quasi-government entity.

          1. I agree. The problem is, I’m not sure (or confident) that Zimmerman really sees the larger picture.

            Zimmerman, in the context of this particular issue is 100% correct. The USDA and FDA end up serving the interest of politically connected players.

            1. Yeah, that’s fair. Based on my semi-extensive viewing of his show(s), he seems pretty friendly to statelessness, and I think the quote is good, so I will continue to like him.

          2. My issue with Zimmern’s comment is the drooling over Hampton Creek as a Food Messiah (“…to help make a food life great for all Americans…).

            Looking forward to a major shift to alternate, less-expensive emulsifying proteins/ingredients by several major producers and an end to Hampton Creek’s self-righteousness.

            1. Mayo is so simple to make anyone who appreciated food should never buy it.

              It’s tasty to make different varities of mayo.

              1. One could say that it’s easy to be a mayo artisan.

          3. Let me clarify. Yes, he’s right about that part. I’m disappointed that he’s plugging the “changing America’s food industry for the better” nonsense.

            1. I haven’t tried Just Mayo so I really have no idea, but I’m not exactly married to the current state of the food industry.

              1. Fair enough. Though I don’t think faking the main ingredient in a major sauce is accomplishing much.

                1. This. If anyone ever catches me saying “there outta be a damned law” about something as silly as mayo, please slap me. On the other hand, that is Just Not Mayo and calling it so isn’t going to burst forth the dam of freedom.

                2. Fair enough. Though I don’t think faking the main ingredient in a major sauce is accomplishing much.


              2. It’s actually not a bad product. My wife and boy are allergic to eggs, so until we found it we didn’t have a decent mayo substitute.

              3. It’s actually not a bad product. My wife and boy are allergic to eggs, so until we found it we didn’t have a decent mayo substitute.

      3. If that vile and disgusting creature Zimmern likes it, then I will never touch the stuff. Not that I planned to, but that cinches it.

          1. If he likes it then it probably tastes like rotten meat. Pass.

        1. People seem to be getting their blood up about Zimmerman as a character… is he someone I should have heard of?

          1. You may just be taking the piss, Paul, but I am going to share a fun Zimmern video just in case:

            Bizarre Foods: Turtle Balls in Pennsylvania

            1. And apologies, I missed it’s “Zimmern”.

              Not sure how I glossed over that. yeah, never heard of him until today.

              I will say the next auto-play video to come up with something about eating “foreskin” so I take it he supports circumcision.

              Now I see why he’s getting everyone’s blood up.

      4. I am the egg board, they are the egg board.

        1. Here’s a clue for you all…The Walrus was Paul

          1. NO SPOILERS!!!

          2. You mean Diane Reynolds?

      5. it’s just rackets won by whoever has the strongest lobbying

        Strong lobbying is why the Billionaire-backed mis-branded “mayo” company gets to call its ersatz pea-shit something that is not.

      6. Exactly. They will NEVER go after the source.

  11. There is a pretty good thriller movie called Blue Ruin that includes a pretty awesome Buzz McCallister cameo.

    1. That movie was really… really awesome. And no one’s ever heard of it.

      1. It is probably too “slow” for most people.

    2. yes very good movie,It’s available on amazon prime and netflix streaming, or it was last i checked.

  12. The ISIS newsletter is sort of amazing, and if you’re the type of person who likes ending up on FBI watchlists, is online and in English. Choice selections from Issue 9:

    Saby (taking slaves through war) is a great prophetic Sunnah containing many divine wisdoms and religious benefits, regardless of whether or not the people are aware of this. The S?rah is a witness to
    our Prophet’s (sallall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam) raiding of the kuff?r. He would kill their men and enslave their children and women. The raids of the beloved Prophet (sallall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam) convey this to us. Ask the tribes of Ban? al-Mustaliq, Ban? Quraydhah, and Haw?zin about this.

    After all this and after the sun of the Khil?fah radiated once again, and the winds of victory and consolidation blew, and the Islamic State, by the grace of its Lord alone, brought out the Islamic punishments and rulings of the Shar?’ah from the darkness of books and papers, and we truly lived them after they were buried for centuries? After all this, the ramblers dare to extend their tongues with false rumors and accusations so as to disfigure the great shar’? ruling and pure prophetic Sunnah titled “saby”? After all this, saby becomes fornication and tasarr? (taking a slave-girl as a concubine) becomes rape? If only we’d heard these falsehoods from the kuff?r who are ignorant of our religion.


  13. Instead we hear it from those associated with our Ummah, those whose names are Muhammad, Ibr?h?m, and ‘Al?! So I say in astonishment: Are our people awake or asleep? But what really alarmed me was that some of the Islamic State supporters (may Allah forgive them) rushed to defend the Islamic State ? may its honor persist and may Allah expand its territory ? after the k?fir media touched upon the State’s capture of the Yaz?d? women. So the supporters started denying the matter as if the soldiers of the Khil?fah had committed a mistake or evil

    Thus, after the matter transcended its limits and the barking of the charlatans ? the wicked scholars ? rose
    upon the pulpits of deviance, it became necessary to face their declarations with a declaration, but one
    of truth, to suppress their falsehood and restrain their tongues.

    I write this while the letters drip of pride. Yes, O religions of kufr altogether, we have indeed
    raided and captured the k?firah women, and drove them like sheep by the edge of the sword. And
    glory belongs to Allah, to His Messenger, and the believers, but the hypocrites do not know!

    My verdict: reads like Marxist writing by way of Calvinism. Sweet Jesus, those people are fucked.

    1. The prose is not particularly accessible. All I could think of was

      “And yay… “

      1. Felt like Bible class again. I.e. punishment.

        1. I would hardly call “praying the gay away” punishment.

      2. Oh, man..

        That was good.

    2. Careful, Trouser, you’re going to piss off Eric Posner…

      1. Careful, Trouser, you’re going to piss off Eric Posner…

        Whoa….for a minute there…

        Glad it was one of us, Immaculate. Piss on Posner.

        1. Sadly, getting pissed on is a dangerous and ever-present threat for a pair of trousers.

          1. True. I would have responded with :hangs head:, but that would just be adding to the problem.

            1. *shakes head*

              1. While said head is still cleverly attached to neck.

    3. I bet they’d object if we did it to them and theirs.

  14. Sayonara, microbeads.

    You can take my anal beads from my greasy, dead hands.

    1. greasy, dead hands.

      Greasy? Shouldn’t it be crusty? You pullin’ the bait-and-switch here?

      1. The new grease hasn’t quite crusted over yet.

      2. Shouldn’t that be ‘bate and switch?

    2. I think you’re confusing micro and macro.

      1. Nano, femto, atto. Also deci, centi, and milli. BTW Milli goes down.

  15. Second World War internment story

    Meet Arthur Jacobs. He’s the poster boy for “doesn’t fit the narrative.” Not coincidentally, he’s also the poster boy for getting your nads kicked by your own government for eighty years just because you’re of German descent. You know what he isn’t the poster boy for? “White privilege.” Jacobs’ story personifies why the ordeal of interned German-Americans and aliens during World War II was sometimes worse than what the Japanese internees went through.

    Later in the article:

    After the war was over, and the need for “hostage exchanges” had long passed, infamous buck-stopper Harry Truman decided, “To hell with it, let’s send ’em to Germany anyway.” And with that, German internees, including the Jacobs family, were loaded onto a ship and sent “home.” For Art’s parents, this was repatriation. But for 12-year-old Art and his brother, this was expatriation. They were U.S. citizens being sent to the country of their parents’ birth. And by Democrats, mind you?the same party that now claims that the principle of “birthright citizenship” is sacred (at least when it comes to Mexicans).

    1. A little more:

      On a worn-out ship crossing the Atlantic, the Jacobs family tried to look on the bright side. Sure, they were being sent to war-ravaged Germany, which, during the “Morgenthau Winter” of ’45/’46, was experiencing food shortages, disease, and starvation, but at least the U.S. government promised they’d be free. Needless to say, the government lied; “Give ’em Hell Harry” was about to do just that. Upon arriving in U.S.-administered Germany, the family was split up and Arthur was thrown into a dungeon. No, I’m not being overdramatic. The entire family was imprisoned (separately), and Art got the worst of it, landing in a dank cell in a 500-year-old fortress called Hohenasperg, which was being used as a prison. The U.S. guards routinely harangued the kid from Brooklyn as a “Nazi,” repeatedly threatening execution by hanging should he disobey the rules. Remember?Jacobs had never been accused of any crime beyond having German parents. Oh, and he was twelve.

      1. Land… of the… free…

      2. Ok sure that was bad, but hey it’s not like they served the wrong sauerkraut in college and labeled it authentically German or something.

        1. Hah!

          There’s an Austrian restaurant in Pennsylvania I like. The first time I stopped in there, I ordered the Wienerschnitzel. The guy behind the counter asked me if I knew what it was. I described something I had in a German restaurant. I was young and stupid. I didn’t know that proper Wienerschnitzel was not what I had in that German restaurant. I didn’t know how much Austrians don’t like Germans. I also didn’t know everyone working there that day are Austrian immigrants.

          The cook, and then-owner, was within earshot of what I said. He started yelling, “NO! NO! NO! IF YOU SAID THAT IN AUSTRIA, THEY WOULD SHOOT YOU!”. He proceeded to educate me on what proper Wienerschnitzel is, and asked if I still wanted it. I said sure. He said, “Good! You’ll like it! We have good food here!”

          The Wienerschnitzel was excellent. Later the cook and I talked a bit about food and the crazy things Germans do with food.

          I go back to the restaurant every time I’m in the area. It’s an excellent place.

          1. That sounds like my kind of place. Damned shame that it is in Pennsylvania.

          2. Did they speak real Austrian language ?


          3. There’s an Ethiopian restaurant a few blocks from my house. The lady who owns it basically tells you what you will have and if you express interest in something else she informs you that it’s only on the menu for the Sudanese or Somali customers. She’s very bossy, but the food is excellent.

      3. I wrote about this for a magazine.

        Never understood why whenever interment is discussed only the Japanese are mentioned. Italians and Germans were also interned in North America (there’s a play called ‘Down by the River’ that explored Italian internment and how it ruined businesses and lives) albeit in smaller numbers. Berlin Ontario was renamed Kitchener such was the atmosphere back then.

  16. A growing number of U.S. cities have passed LGBT non-discrimination laws.

    How will we know if we’re discriminating or not if we don’t have a comprehensive government database showing who is and isn’t LGBTQI?

  17. “The Ewoks are dead. All of them.”

    This is possibly the best news I have had all day. (even though it is years old)


    HAVANA (AP) ? The United States and Cuba have struck a deal to allow as many as 110 regular airline flights a day, allowing a surge of American travel to Cuba that could eventually flood the island with hundreds of thousands more U.S. visitors a year, officials said Thursday on the anniversary of detente between the Cold War foes.

    The deal reached Wednesday night after three days of talks in Washington opens the way for U.S. airlines to negotiate with Cuba’s government for 20 routes a day to Havana and 10 to each of Cuba’s other nine major airports, the State Department said. While it will likely take months before the first commercial flight to Havana, the reestablishment of regular aviation to Cuba after half a century will almost certainly be the biggest business development since the two countries began normalizing relations last year.

    1. Yes, The flights will come in to the new Bah?a de Cochinos Terminal at Jos? Mart? International Airport.

      1. I’m not sure if this news means that US citizens would actually be allowed to travel to Cuba in general. I think the travel restrictions are still in effect.

  19. Illinois and Pennsylvania are 170 days overdue on their budgets

    Illinois and Pennsylvania are rivals for the title of “most dysfunctional state in America.”

    States are required to pass budgets each year. Most got their budgets done by the July 1 deadline. But not Illinois and Pennsylvania. They are now 170 days overdue.

    1. “I learned it from watching you, Dad Federal Government!”

  20. To be fair, Bernie voted against the budget because it didn’t spend enough.

    1. Indeed.

      WASHINGTON, Dec. 18 ? Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) issued the following statement today opposing the omnibus and tax extenders bills:

      “Millions of Americans are unemployed and working longer hours for lower wages, yet this spending package gives more tax breaks to billionaires, encourages large corporations to ship jobs overseas and makes worse an already corrupt campaign finance system. Scientists tell us that we must act immediately to combat climate change, but this bill will lift the crude oil export ban and encourage the burning of more fossil fuels. And 16 million children are living in poverty in this country, but Congress has decided to cut food and nutrition services for our most vulnerable and increase the already bloated defense budget.

      “While there are some important and positive provisions in this bill like the expanded Earned Income Tax Credit and Child Tax Credit, the truth is we cannot afford another spending package that expands the power and wealth of the billionaire class at the expense of everyone else. Congress must pass legislation that make our rigged political and economic systems work once again for the vast majority of Americans not just the 1 percent.”

      1. Fuck that asshole and his “1%”. If he’s really concerned about “the billionaire class” that’s one thing, although the issue is more about the Fed than tax rates, but it’s hardly just billionaires that meet the qualifications to be the 1%. That’s more like any household making $250k a year.

      2. If the son of a bitch didn’t lie so much, he’d be tolerable.
        As it is, I hope he starves, while not another US citizen does so.

  21. President Obama today granted sentence commutations to 95 people and pardons to two.

    He should commute/pardon more people more often.

    One of the more interesting things about these reports is finding out how long some crimes can land you in prison for. For example, the first guy on the list, Donald Allen: life imprisonment for intent to distribute crack and possessing a gun while doing so. Wow.

  22. So assuming the microbeads are actually damaging ecosystems, then I’m OK with a ban. But is there any evidence this is actually happening?

    1. They’re not biodegradable and don’t get filtered out by wastewater treatment facilities, so they all end up in natural bodies of water. I don’t know how much evidence there is for the claims that, e.g., fish can eat them and get sick, but it doesn’t seem like a great idea to be flushing all that into lakes and rivers.

      1. Waste water treatment plants don’t filter the water with a filter. They use a water column ( pump water in at the bottom of a deep pit and let it rise and overflow) to separate out particulates and then the water goes into a pond to let bacteria break down whatever organic material is left.

        These microbeads float out of the separator and into the pond and then into wherever the pond drains to.

        I am skeptical that they are harmful in any way and the last time I looked there were no studies contradicting that.

        That said, my wife is a fanatic soap maker and uses crushed peach pits, oats, flax seed, coffee, etc as abrasives. I like that much better and I know for certain it harms nothing.

  23. the barking of the charlatans


    1. Superb album name. Or song name.

      1. I’m thinking something by The Decemberists.

        1. Or The Flaming Lips

          1. Opeth.

            I hear the barking of the charlatans, in the distance
            I hear them squabbling

  24. Oh, the “NOT” from this morning’s “Spot the Not” was #4. Swissy got it right!

    Sorry – I slept most of the day. Teh chemo is takin’ it outta me.

    1. I wish you well with respect to the chemo, but I am still not voting for you.

      1. That’s OK. Trump needs you.

    2. I hope chemo works for you.

    3. I…I…missed something…chemo?!

      Anything I can do to help, other than hope the Almighty will listen to a Methodist asking for better health for you?

      1. I’d like to ban the fun commenters from being sick.

        1. I’d like all of the commentariat to avoid illness, bad luck, and other misfortune. But I’d settle for lack of cancer, for now.

    4. I am very sorry to hear this Almanian. I hope the best for you.

      I don’t know what your trouble is but I assume cancer of some sort. Keep your chin up. My 82 year old father-in-law beat his cancer with chemo.

  25. “The Bernie Sanders campaign is threatening to sue the Democratic National Committee.”

    That’s a bad idea – it might provoke the DNC into abandoning its neutrality.


  26. “It’s a story about how our food system can be the thread running through much of what’s good in this world,” Tetrick said. “A food system that’s healthier and stronger and more aligned with our values. A food system where the right thing is the easiest thing for a single mom working at a hair salon trying to raise two sons.”

    Ersatz mayo is an aspirational sandwich spread. For women who aspire for the repo man not to tow away their Kia .

    1. Man what a grandstanding twit he is. People eat that shit up, though.

  27. I glanced through the pardons, and they seem mostly for crack. Perhaps this represents merely the retroactive application of the more lenient crack penalties adopted by Congress a few years ago.

    Most of the commutations are scheduled to take effect on April 16 of next year, but a few are scheduled to take effect December 18. I would imagine that the December 18 guys are judged to be at risk of committing violent crimes after release, so their release date has been postponed until after the election, when their violence won’t do any harm.

  28. Christmas booty, libertarian style.

  29. In case you missed, Harvard has been giving out social justice placemats, giving students left-wing talking points with which to smugly lecture their reactionary relatives over Christmas dinner.

    When Harvard got caught, they were like “oops, how did that happen, we’re really sorry! We were suppose to give out those talking points verbally, after making sure nobody was recording!”

    1. Progtards need to be given their talking points directly. They are incapable of critical thought.

    2. It was some bullshit SJW office that apparently has nothing better to do with its time than hector students. The administration funds and tolerates this crap, but it’s not like anyone but the moron in charge of that small dept had anything to do with it directly.

      Most Harvard students are barely politically conscious and were likely as annoyed and embarrassed by this grandstanding as any sane person would be.

  30. The Man in the High Castle got renewed for a second season. I just started watching the first season last night, and the first episode was really good!

    1. I watched season 1 on Amazon Prime. Meh. It’s no GoT. or Romans. But the premise (Germany and Japan won WW2) is interesting. It must have been tough going to work in those SS uniforms!

      1. Eh, I didn’t much care for GoT. Most of the “BEST SHOW EVARRRRR” shows bore me.

  31. I heard there is a documentary on Netflix about General Tso’s Chicken.

    1. That’s a malicious rumor spread by his enemies, he’s actually really brave.

      Like Colonel Sanders.

      1. He’s no Cap’n Crunch.

  32. Vegan debunk, got cher vegan debunk right here:

    “Vegetarian and “Healthy” Diets Could Be More Harmful to the Environment”
    “Eating lettuce is over three times worse in greenhouse gas emissions than eating bacon,” said Paul Fischbeck, professor of social and decisions sciences and engineering and public policy.”…..nment.html

    When this hit the Chron, the whining in the comments was vintage.
    ‘Well, you don’t use lettuce like you do bacon!!!!!!!’
    Yeah, well, bullshit. Humans need X calories per unit time to exist and trying to get that out of grazing food takes more tan getting it out of meat. Period.

    1. Lettuce? What about beans?

    2. There is a reason why “vegetarian” animals eat pretty much constantly.

      1. A vegetarian diet is what food eats!

    3. As you note =

      the first round of “Stupid media interpretation” was “Lettuce worse than bacon”

      which is not what the study said.

      the second round of Stupid Media Interpretation was to over-react to the first round… claiming that DUH NO ONE IS GOING TO EAT A DIET OF NOTHING BUT LETTUCE I MEAN SERIOUSLY THATS STUPID

      which is not what anything said either.

      The study took the average US diet (by # calories per day, by source) and compared it to a range of ‘modifed’ diets, first just “lower calorie intake”, then “healthier diets” = both the “Recommended USDA diet” (which is much heavier on fruits and fish and nuts and other stuff)… and then compared it to the USDA diet minus meats completely, and heavier on vegetable based proteins…

      It turned out that both of the “healthier options” (*vegitarian as well as just USDA model) had a higher environmental impact than the ‘regular’ american diet.

      From what i gathered, the only way to reduce environmental impact would be to reduce calorie intake entirely.

      Of course no one in the media seem to have quite figured that out.

      1. “It turned out that both of the “healthier options” (*vegitarian as well as just USDA model) had a higher environmental impact than the ‘regular’ american diet.”

        A direct contradiction of what vegans have been squawking for decades. Explaining to them how and why their diet is more environmentally expensive is a waste of time. They are vegans because of the feels a thousand times more so than lefties of any other stripe.

        This study will make no difference.

        1. “This study will make no difference.”

          You’re right. Its not about reality. Its about threats to a very profitable industry selling people Moral Narcissism.

          The important thing is
          “I’m a good person and better than you because I don’t eat X/Y/Z”
          “I’m a good person and better than you because I shop at X/Y/Z and not WalMart”
          “I’m a good person and better than you because I have *elevated intentions*”

          all the science is lies unless it affirms the feels of the enlightened ones.

          that’s basically all it is.

          The danger of the study is not that it “proves they are wrong”. The danger of the study is that it shows that “the reality is complex” and there isn’t any obvious benefit from their choices. And that all their consumption, taken as a whole, *isn’t really any different than anyone else’s*

          Thats the real danger. Being like everyone else.

          1. Thats the real danger. Being like everyone else.

            Yes sir!

            It’s just like how the shittiest people are the ones who bitch about how shitty the world is. Self-awareness is a rare commodity.

            1. Yes, Gilmore nails it.

              It is also the shittiest people who constantly make superficial outward shows of their high morals.

      2. If greenies were serious about reducing their carbon footprint to zero, they’d just off themselves.

    4. Atwater noted this over 100 years ago – stating vegetables were essentially a waste of money.


        /shudders, sobbing

  33. The comments in the Guardian article about the DNCs action against Sanders is some of the most heartening stuff I’ve seen out of Democrat voters in a long time. Not that they’ll stick to it, but there’s a lot of posts there saying that they will never vote for Hillary and would vote for a Republican first or that they’re finally done with the Democratic party. Hillary is not an easy person to like, but apparently she’s very easy to hate even for Democrats. Granted, Bernie voters are retarded economically, but at least they’re waking to the evil that is the Hildabeast.

    1. This is an interesting election cycle, is it not? I still think Hillary is w-a-a-y overrated as a “sure thing.” She’s a bad campaigner, has more baggage that a 747, and is not in good health.

      1. Well, it is interesting to watch Americans reject the political norms and go for two much more interesting candidates.

        1. If by interesting you mean terrifying, then yes.

    2. Our political class is probably digging their own graves. The R base is sick of their party too. Just today I have heard a dozen people say they are done with the party, that this budget is the last straw. They are pissed.

      1. Everyone says that until it is time to pull the lever for a 3rd party and elect Hillary…

      2. The difference is that the GOP constituents have been sick of the establishment for years, which is obvious by the rise of the Tea Party and the libertarian incursion into the GOP party, the defeat of lots of incumbents and establishment candidates in the GOP.

        The Dems constituents have been mindless borgs for the most part.

    3. The Democrats have always been more a loose confederation of disparate interest groups than the GOP. Republicans have a smaller base of old/socially conservative white people, but they’re more reliable than the rag-tag bunch of socialists, unionists, SJWs, and various crackpots that organize behind the D label.

      It’ll be interesting to see what happens with the Dems when they lose the unifying BHO cult of personality they’ve cultivated. Wouldn’t surprise me if they try to sustain his leadership role and turn BHO into Oprah with a popular talk show. God knows he would be on board–can you imagine BHO living another 40 years in the Jimmy Carter role? He’d lose his mind.

      1. You apparently have never lived where I live, which has a very large majority democratic base, made up of mostly old yuppies and retired union employees, most of who would rather be dragged through piles of flaming glass than ever consider voting for anyone who is not a Democrat, or voting Democrat no matter who the candidate is. But something is happening. All of the ‘I’m ready for Hillary bumper stickers have all but disappeared, the few that existed in the first place’. I also do not see that smug I’m a superior team blue hack attitude much anymore. In fact, I just arrived home from work the other day and there were two of the team blue yuppies standing on the sidewalk, walking their ankle biters and they were saying how they were disappointed in Bush and how there’s no one to vote for. Something is wrong.

        1. Those are the unionistas and crackpots. Old people generally trend Republican, but if 35% of them are still Democrat they have to go somewhere suited to their preening nature. Like North Tucson or San Diego County, for example.

          Can you blame them for being disappointed? They’re being strongarmed into shifting their allegiance from the Milk Chocolate Lightbringer to Bill Clinton’s first mistake.

          1. Old people generally trend Republican

            Not in MD they don’t. They’re all hardcore old time Democrat voters. Party allegiance is very important to them. Seriously, the only Republicans I know here are my age or younger white collar workers, professionals, and business owners. The older retired folks and the ones who aren’t retired because they’re tenured professors wandering university corridors like zombie dinosaurs, are so fucking blue they’re bluer than blue. Changing their minds about politics would be like reducing Mt Everest to sea level with a toothpick.

            Read NYT comments for a glimpse at the type of old team blue mentality I’m talking about. These people are fucking hopeless.

    1. Is that a Photoshop???

      1. Is that a Photoshop???

        Pretty sure it is, but the sentiment (a la Hyperion) is true enough.

        1. Where have you been Joe ?

          It ust dawned on me that the vice Prezzy has all but disappeared from the scene. I have’t even heard his name mentioned since he decided not to run. Have the zDims ordered him out to pasture ?

          Where have you gone Joe ?

    2. I always knew that the Democrats want to kill old ladies. Thanks for the photographic evidence to back that up.

      1. Why in the hell is she so excited to see him??? Did she think he was bringing her SS check personally?

    3. Get a shotgun!

    4. What the hell is that?

      Is Crazy Joe one of those idiots that think it is cool to joke around by pretending to threaten someone with a gun? I hate that. I have seen people do that a few times in my life.

      Hint: It isnt funny. People really do get killed that way and not an insignificant number of them. If I see you do it I will take your gun away from you and you won’t get it back until I am convinced that you know a gun is NOT a damn toy.

      1. I’m not much of a hunter, but last time I went hunting with some guy I knew, I can’t remember what we were hunting, but I’m thinking it was rabbits, we were walking through the woods and I looked up to a rifle pointed right at my head. Guy was walking in front of me with his rifle over his shoulder with the barrel pointed right at me. This was a ‘seasoned’ hunter, or so he told me. I stopped and took a couple steps to the left and said ‘point that fucking rifle at the ground right now you dumb shit before you accidentally shoot me’.

        1. Was your friend’s last name Fudd?

          1. Dude, I was pissed. Having a loaded rifle pointed at your head has that kind of effect.

            1. An AK will have the same effect…also, a sphincter so tight you cannot fart a BB.

        2. Two years ago an 11 year old boy accidentally shot and killed his own father with a 12 gauge doing exactly that:
          walking with the gun over his shoulder while his father, who should have known better, was walking behind him.


          Gun accidents have become much rarer in La since the DAs said there were not going to be anymore. Shoot someone and you go to jail. Amazingly the number of ‘accidents’ was cut to near zero in one hunting season. I don’t remember hearing about any last year and the only one from the year before was the 11 yo boy.

          1. I believe you, that’s extremely stupid. I never went hunting with that guy again. I told him ‘point that at the ground and keep it pointed at the ground when you’re walking, what the fuck is wrong with you?’. He was like ‘ok, ok, sorry man’. I spent the rest of the day watching him more than anything else. Sort of ruined my entire day.

            1. You probably saved more lives than just your own. The day wasn’t wasted.

      2. If you look a bigger-sized version, it’s pretty clear someone photo-shopped it. The barrel doesn’t look “right”, and neither does his grip.

        Still, everything you said, Suthen, is spot-on.

      3. I just leave. Immediately and without excuse or explanation.

        1. That’s happened twice. The first time with an “unloaded” rifle another friend told me turned out to have no magazine but one in the chamber. How do you not think to clear the chamber?

          1. I had an acquaintance a couple of decades ago, Paul (Italian last name), who would thrill and amaze his friends by putting the muzzle of his shotgun in his mouth and blowing. He claimed he could tell by the resistance if the gun was loaded or not and if he judged it not to be he would pull the trigger with the muzzle still in his mouth. It was clear to me that the guy was an idiot, but Jesus fuckin’ Christ on a pogo stick, I didn’t know he was that moronic.

            In case you are wondering, yes. It was a single barrel .410 and his friends said it blew his eyeballs across the room. They didn’t know what to do so they put his eyes back in and let him lay in the living room for hours before they worked up the nerve to call 911.

            Why no one entered his name for a Darwin Award is a mystery to me.

    5. I’m disappointed that crazy uncle Joe is not running. We’ve been deprived of some top quality entertainment. He probably woke up one morning with some overshoes and a sack of concrete on his front steps. Wonder who would do something like that?

      1. Aunt Joe?

    6. What was the pre-photoshop, his penis?

      1. It was his finger, which has served in every respect as Joe’s substitute penis since the famous Kent County xylophone accident of 1989.

        1. Dude…you owe me one Heimlich Maneuver for the choking incident I just went through…

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