Reason Weekly Contest: Trigger a Campus Protest
Last week's winners revealed.
With college students debating whether "God bless you!" after a sneeze constitutes a microaggression—the jury seems to be out—come up with the next phrase to be outlawed on campus.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to contest@reason.com. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "MICRO" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Dec. 14. Winners will appear Dec. 18, right here at Reason.com.
In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: A Times Square miscreant who slugged a cop while dressed as Spider-Man and was arrested a second time for cursing out a cop while dressed as the Incredible Hulk had us asking you for a cheesy headline about the next superhero acting badly.
THE WINNER:
Ant Man Accused of Micro-aggression—K.C. Decker, Denton, MD
SECOND PLACE
Wonder Woman Detained for Overcharging Ride Sharers in Invisible Car—Sean Simpson, Hampton, VA
THIRD PLACE
Headless Horseman in Topless Bar — Colin Blake, Boston, MA
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Thor Arrested After Refusing to Check Hammer at JFK — Anne Jablinske, Prescott, AZ
Captain America Arrested for Building Cardboard "Border Wall" in middle of Times Square—Edward Perovic, Winnetka, IL
"I couldn't find a phone booth." Superman Naked in Times Square—Jim Noble, Boulder Creek, CA
Iceman Loses His Cool—Tom D., Phoenix, AZ
AND FROM THE COMMENTS:
Man of STEAL: Superman Caught Pickpocketing
Flame OFF: Human Torch Passed Out Drunk
Flash Flashes: Caught With Only a Mask
Irony, Man: Tony Stark Caught Shoplifting Candy Bar
Urine Big Trouble: Dark Knight Found Relieving Himself in Alley
POW! BAM! Whiz? Green Goblin Red with Rage as Batman Pees on Shoes
GREEN WHORE-NET: Prostitution Sting Nabs Man Dressed as Britt Reid
Deceived John Complains: "Wonder Woman is Wonderful—But Not a Woman!"
Professor XXX: Wheelechair Bound Man Caught Peddling Bootleg Pornography
Robbin' Robin—Former Sidekick Tries His Hand at "Asset Forfeiture"
WANDER Woman: Amazonian Warrior Found Stumbling in Drug-Addled State
Stupor Man: Is That Liquid Kryptonite in That Brown Bag?
Chilly Willy: Mr. Freeze Braves Winter Weather to Expose His "Icicle"
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Holy participation prize! I got several honorable mentions from last week.
I got one more than the zero I was expecting.
You were kicking arse last week, Fisty.
That’s just because he was writing for the sleazy paper.
I don’t see you mentioned anywhere.
Hey, FoE: Have you ever been in First Place where it counts??!! No, but I have!
Neener, neener, neeeeeeener!
Does sex count?
“Hello” – first syllable implies existence of infernal afterlife, is triggering to non-theists and burn victims.
I was thinking the same thing when I read the prompt.
STOP TRYING TO FORCE RELIGION DOWN PEOPLE’S THROATS WITH YOUR GREETINGS.
“Hello.” Oh, wait. That’s already banned as sexual harassment.
“History” is cisheteronormative and implicitly supports the patriarchal narrative.
Hysterical!
The “good” in good morning is a subjective term. The recipient may, in fact, not be having positive feelings about the moment. Additionally, it is not the speaker’s place to instruct recipients on his or her or [insert acceptable pronoun here] feelings about the time of day. Speakers should refrain from greetings including good.
Basic Economics is triggering, since we should be learning about the *value* based economy. Emotes are more important than facts
Wait, commetariat… greeting people is unacceptable. Why are you forcing an interaction with someone, maybe they just want to be left alone. You think you have a right to their attention. These acts of violence must stop.
Especially if it is a male greeting a female, or a white greeting a non-white – I had no idea we were just flexing our privilege every time we said hello.
Additionally, NOT greeting someone is triggering, because by not opening communications with them you are not acknowledging the specialness inherent in their race/gender/orientation/ethnicity, thereby preserving your own privilege.
+1 Kirk Breaks Computer With Paradox
i was thinking it sounded like tsa guidelines for who to grope
Rick & Morty covered this in season2. Which I clearly have to rewatch now because I was unable to quote the scene I’m referring to.
/adultsink(as opposed to swim)
Squantchy.
Since it seems like any human interaction could be triggering, being alive will be outlawed. Please report to the sanitation chambers immediately. No talking, please.
Sir, there is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
Does it look like this? If so, that’s just because of all the crushed up Ritalin I just snorted.
Huh. It just occurred to me that “Disintegration Chamber” could have a meaning other the common one–i.e., a chamber one enters to be blown into constituent pieces. Instead, it would be kind of the reverse of the melting pot, but with ray beams of some sort, with such chambers being placed on college campuses.
Websters:
3. a sound proof box blasting The Cure.
“Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!”
Straight white male spotted on campus.
The following Degrees must be renamed: Masters- duh. Bachelor’s -duh. Phd and Associates because they may infur superiority or inferiority. Can’t say advanced degrees for same reason. Can’t say undergraduates degree because of sexual connotations of being under a graduate.
Dean is a male name.
yeah maybe progs havent been misusing “discrimination” this whole time, they really just want people to stop preferring some things to others, cuz it’s unfair to the former things
Dictionary because may trigger gender classification issues for people without dicks. Also may trigger the sad for people who don’t have proper diction. And also is triggering for bad spellers.
Class because it either reminds people of class hierarchies or it reminds people that they don’t have any.
Call me when you have no class.
Fun game. I could waste all day doing this:)
“You need to take this class to graduate”
“Bros Night: Guys drink free!”
“As of Today, this university will no longer expend money on Diversty, Gender Studies or Race Studies. Any positions related to these areas will be liquidated. The resultant cost savings…”
“Nice weather we’re having today…”
Some people may have different preferences when it comes to weather and saying the weather is “nice” is implying that your subjective notion of “nice weather” is the only acceptable definition. Especially PROBLEMATIC if you’re a white, cis-hetero male as this further asserts your WHITE MALE PRIVILEGE to define what is or isn’t “nice weather.”
People usually use that crap on the worst days – sunny and overwarm. They only say it in an ironic tone when the weather is actually nice – ie rainy and cool.
See what I mean? Wouldn’t it be nice if people weren’t allowed to microagress you by shoving their definition of “nice weather” down your throat? /sarc
“God Bless You, if, and only if, you’ve accepted Jesus Christ in your heart as your personal savior.”
now THAT is how you microagress a sneese, mofos.
You forgot “Otherwise you can just die and burn in hell.”
Campus because it ends with a vulger term for hooha and that same term is also used to insult men who do not display traits assocuated with being masculine.
weak.
You can do better.
They’re all weak. That’s what defines a micro aggression.
But this one is weak even by the micro-aggression “logic”
You’re triggering me. I’m off to my safe space i.e. shower.
Don’t be a pus.
Nice
Protest because tests are racist and also they cause some people anxiety.
And nobody is pro-tests.
if you’re not against tests you’re for tests
Racist and sexist. Didn’t mean to be so exclusive
Niggardly. Or has that already been whitewashed? … What about whitewashed? Black balled? (Two-fer because it involves blacks and testicles).
Or what about “black listed”?
A professor at UDC (a predominantly black school) lost his job over that term years ago. He used it in class, a student reported him for it, he used it again to explain what it meant and why it wasn’t racist, and got complained on again.
“Don’t let your meatloaf.”
“Hitler wasn’t all bad.”
“Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it’s an ethos.”
Hitler Bad or Michael Jackson Bad?
“Sup”
Not a joke. I saw on the twitter, some SJW’s complaining that the dudebros were texting them this violent and othering hit on their womynhood.
Howdy
A greeting associated with southern, white masculinity thus triggering our African-American brothers and sisters remembrance of their ancestors’ subjugation to the evils of slavery. Very problematic(hate that fucking word). Shit, I just triggered myself.
*runs away sobbing*
Trigger?
They’re part of a scary gun, like the part that goes up…
And they mean something horrible is going to come up in today’s lesson plan.
“Congratulations, Graduates!”