Rapist Cop Daniel Holtzclaw Convicted, Fine for Speeding in D.C. Raised to $1,000, How to Hack ISIS: A.M. Links

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Star Wars, RemixedGeorge Lucas' universe is a mashup masterwork. —By Amy Sturgis

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  1. Ex-Oklahoma police officer Daniel Holtzclaw has been convicted of raping or sexually assaulting eight women from the neighborhood he patrolled…

    It’s nice to know there are limits.

    1. Hello.

    2. Though sentencing isn’t until January 21, the jury is recommending 263 years.

      Can we have toher criminal cops serve parts of it for him?

    3. Oh, c’mon – it says right there he’s an ex-cop. Some people are trying to use this as some sort of indictment of cops, but clearly this is a problem of ex-cops. And you want to see more heroes fired for keeping us safe, you want to see more ex-cops? You sick bastard.

      1. You have to be a cop first to become an ex-cop.

      2. As I recall, he was still on the roster for half a year after being charged.

        1. Innocent until proven guilty is the bedrock of our justice system. That’s why non-cops have their assets stolen before their day in court.

    4. Oh, c’mon – it says right there he’s an ex-cop. Some people are trying to use this as some sort of indictment of cops, but clearly this is a problem of ex-cops. And you want to see more heroes fired for keeping us safe, you want to see more ex-cops? You sick bastard.

      1. Damned double-dipping squirelly cops!

  2. Anonymous has published a “noob guide” on how to hack ISIS.

    Machetes involved?

    1. ha! I larfed

  3. Hitting a cyclist, meanwhile, is a mere $500.

    And they pay you to hit as many GOP aides as possible.

    1. Sure, the bounty on a GOP aide seems good, but have you ever tried to clean one off the hood of your car? Ugh!

  4. ‘Zombie nativity’ back in Ohio yard a year after controversy

    CINCINNATI (AP) ? A “zombie nativity” that spurred complaints and zoning violation notices last year is on display again in a suburban Cincinnati yard, with a change to avoid fines.

    Officials have concluded Jasen Dixon’s display complies with local zoning laws because he has removed its roof. Sycamore Township zoning administrator Harry Holbert says the issue was always about the structure and zoning rules, not the zombie figures.

    1. Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure “structure and zoning laws” was precisely what this was all about.

      1. Never underestimate the tight-anused response of a code enforcement agent.

        1. The head cook at a former job was on probation. Which wasn’t out of the ordinary, far from the first time a coworker or boss was on probation.

          This guy, though. His charges were failure to mow his lawn. $6k fine, jail time and six months probation.

          He used to shout down the line, “And remember, assholes, mow your fucking lawns!”

          1. I see on the news that Atlanta is moving down that path – revenues are down so they’re going to start concentrating more on “quality of life” infractions in “blighted” neighborhoods. The news seemed to be generally in favor of forcing people to keep their properties looking nice, but to their partial credit was at least out in the hood showing some of these dilapidated unkempt unsafe properties that were such a big problem – and pointing out that the owner of record for these properties was the City of Atlanta.

          2. Fuck zoning assholes.

    2. Well, Jesus DID end up coming back from the dead…

  5. Science Shows How Drummers’ Brains Are Actually Different From Everybody Elses’

    In the music world, drummers always bear the brunt of the joke. Most have the same punchline: Drummers are idiots. Take, for example, the following: “How do you tell if the stage is level? The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.”

    Whether it’s being ruthlessly mocked for their idiocy, repeatedly killed in This Is Spinal Tap or just lusted after less often than the lead guitarist, drummers walk a tough road. But it turns out science shows drummers have an advantage over everyone else. According to research, drummers have a rare, innate ability to problem-solve and change those around them.

    For starters, rock steady drummers can actually be smarter than their less rhythmically-focused bandmates. A study from the Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm found a link between intelligence, good timing and the part of the brain used for problem-solving. Researchers had drummers play a variety of different beats and then tasked them with a simple 60-problem intelligence test. The drummers who scored the highest were also better able to keep a steady beat. At last, hard proof that John Bonham really was a genius.

    1. I’ve known a few drummers and am utterly unconvinced by this article.

      1. Yes. No surprise.

      2. Same hear(yes I did). – former Bass player

    2. -50 IQ points for Neil Peart!

      (Is this a “Rush is the most overrated band” day? Or a “Rush is the greatest prof rock band ever” day? I lost track)

      1. Is this a “Rush is the most overrated band” day? Or a “Rush is the greatest prof rock band ever” day? I lost track

        yes

      2. Is prof rock intentional or just a revealing typo?

        1. A Freudian slip!

        2. Possibly a better fit than “prog-rock”.

      3. Tom Sawyer is great. Rush is overrated.

        1. More of a Huck Finn guy myself.

        2. The term “overrated” is overrated. It’s an attempt to make “I don’t understand why other people like that” sound objective.

      4. Both statements are probably true

    3. Kieth Moon definitely knew how to solve problems. Drink more. Blow shit up.

      1. Keith Moon was notorious for not being able to keep a beat.

        John Entwistle kept them in time.

    4. The last drummer I had was a moronic lying piece of shit who can fuck himself repeatedly with his own drumsticks until they break and splinter apart inside of him.

      I now use a drum machine.

      1. Now, now. Let’s not judge an entire class of musicians, er, people on the actions of a few.

        1. I know it’s not fair to all drummers. I just really hated that guy. Fucking drummer trying to tell me the correct way to play lead. I played guitar for 20 years I think I know what the hell I’m doing.

            1. Mad Drummer indeed. Awesome for sure!

          1. Drummers are the price you have to pay for acoustic drums. Samples just never sound the same (although they can be great if that’s the aesthetic you’re shooting for).

          2. Show us on the Kiss doll where the bad drummer hurt you…and as a bass player if the drummer was talking to you about your lead it was probably because you hogged up a 3 minute song into a 20 minute mountain of leaded lead calamity.

            1. Oh, snap! /me grabs popcorn for music nerd fight

              1. +Charlie Watts threatening to throw Mick Jagger out a hotel window

                “I’m not your drummer. You’re MY fucking singer.”

            2. I love musician fights!

            3. Don’t be fucking retard

    5. Animal.

      End of discussion.

      1. Woman, woman!

    6. I have known two drummers. The first was a decent guy, talented, and no dummy.

      The second, not to much. Ol’ Frank. He lived near me and every day that the sun shone his kinda hot wife would be sunbathing in the front yard wearing the tiniest bikini imaginable. If she noticed you looking at her she would sneer at you.

      Once when Frank stayed late at band practice bikini wife showed up at the practice session and stabbed his dumb ass with a kitchen knife. He forgave her after a long drawn, out dramatic crying episode in the emergency room. Not long after that he was busted for operating a meth lab.

      I guess Frank didn’t understand you are supposed to hit the big time before you start doing shit like that.

      1. The one professional drummer I know is currently in prison for statutory rape. (He: early to mid 30s..She: 13, if you must know the gory details)

        So there’s that.

        1. Wow. Me? I met Kenny Aronoff in 1987.

          1. I have known that guy since 7th grade. Knew his wife too, as they were high school sweethearts. Went to college with both of them. He was a goofball, but never had I an inkling that he was such a fucking idiot. Threw everything away. Job, wife, 2 kids. Moron.

            1. Jesus. And for a 13 year old. What the fuck?

      2. An old friend of mine is a drummer. If you ask him to find middle C on a piano, he has a 1 in 88 chance of getting it right.

    7. As a drummer, I can confirm my own superiority to lesser musicians.

      1. Monkeys and other animals can all be taught the “percussive art” within a day. Said animals would probably keep better time and have a healthier lifestyle.

        1. Try it sometime.

    8. I always preferred Bebop to Rocksteady, mostly for his sunglasses and sweet turtle shell epaulets.

  6. 123) More tales from my time in college volunteering for the Public Defenders’ office in Nashville-Davidson County, TN:

    One of my best moments was when an arrestee told me the cops had arrested the wrong man; it was his twin brother they should have brought in. I was very skeptical at first, but the computer did seem to show there were two men with almost exact physical descriptions and the same birthday, slightly different names, and different addresses in one neighborhood. One man had an extensive criminal record, the other was clean, though had been arrested several times and released shortly thereafter with all charges dropped. Based on this, one of the public defenders was able to get him before a judge almost immediately and released. Of course it would have happened eventually, but I was proud to have saved a man hours or maybe days of jail time.

    1. One of my worst moments was on the fourth of July, when my boss wasn’t there and none of the public defenders had come in yet. A clearly mentally-ill man was brought in. It was tough to get a coherent story out of him, but from what I could tell, he had been sleeping in a church van for several nights. At one point he noticed the keys were still in the van and took it for a joyride, resulting in his arrest. But several times in our conversation, he said he would “make sure there were fireworks,” that his plans were to make “the whole jail go boom,” and similar comments. I was pretty concerned about what he might have in mind and since my boss wasn’t there, told one of the guards. I never got the details, but apparently my remarks to the guard got him in considerable trouble. I felt pretty bad about that and reflected for a long time about how I could have handled the situation differently, although I never did come to a satisfactory conclusion.

      1. A clearly mentally-ill man was brought in…..he said he would “make sure there were fireworks,” that his plans were to make “the whole jail go boom,”

        If you had been the type of person to use a crisis for political gain, you could have found your mechanism.

      2. Yeah. I defended a guy who was arrested at a hearing, because he had a warrant out for felony non-payment of child support. He was in the interview room and I went to talk to him. He’d already been really depressed for a while, and started talking about suicide by cop. I told him this was a really bad idea, he had people who needed him. And then I went and told the deputies about our conversation. It may have been an idle threat but I thought that was what I should do. Still felt bad about “ratting” on him.

        1. If you had not done that and he killed hiomself how would you feel now ?

          Every (sane)one has self doubts about some past decisions.

          You can’t beat yourself up for decision made that seemed to be the right thing to do with the information you had at that time.

      3. Seems like there wasn’t much else you could have done there.

    2. Heh, I had a somewhat similar incident yesterday. Got a bill in the mail from the local hospital, where I’ve never been treated. Billing was clueless, so I called to file a possible identity fraud report with my local PD. I figured they’d just do the report, give me a copy for my records, and I’d monitor my credit reports, but apparently it was a slow day and the cop who came out actually investigated. Turns out there was a much older gentleman with the same name as me. When they brought him in he was unconscious and all they had was his insurance card. No clue how they got my address and phone number, but the cop was able to straighten it all with the billing departments of both the hospital and the ambulance company. No dogs shot or anything.

      1. I had someone come in and steal my wallet off the counter and my wife’s purse off the kitchen table. This was sometime in the middle of the night (my dogs were fucking useless).
        The local cops came out, took fingerprints etc. Were actually very cool and tried to do everything they could.

        I do honestly think the majority of cops are decent folks. (However, they will cover for each other). The problem is the total risk calculation:
        Risk=probability X consequences.

        So the prob of running into the asshole is pretty low. But the consequences when you do can be catastrophic.

        1. I hear these stories about cops actually doing their job and I really am amazed. All they’ve done whenever I’ve asked them for help was run me for warrants, search me for contraband, and then leave in obvious disappointment that they didn’t have an excuse to arrest me.

          1. I once filed a stolen oat report. The cop who came out asked me a list of questions. One was “were the keys in the boat?”

            When I replied yes he became irate and began to scold me for my ignorance. He actually kinda swelled up and told me he didn’t even think he should have to waste his time on these type of cases where my stupidity and carelessness led to the crime.

            I was laughing inside but only because his boss is my fishing buddy.

            So I cooly told this recent academy graduate that although yes, the keys were in the boat, the boat was on a trailer and I don’t think that they cranked the boat up and drove it off. For good measure I also told him that they last time Officer Brooks ( his boss) was driving this very same boat that he and I agreed that leaving the keys in a boat was the best way to avoid lost boat keys. Officer Brooks added that it was also a good way for him to be able to use my boat when I’m not around.

            His embarrasment was visible and he once again became a compliant public servant

    3. When you put all of them together and self publish, the title must be Just a Sermon, Not A Thought.

        1. Thought Sermons: The Musical

          1. Sermon on the Thoughts

            1. “Blessed are the cheesemakers?”

            2. just Ser Mormont, a dwarf he brought

      1. Book? What about the movie?

  7. Camille Paglia isn’t impressed by Taylor Swift, calling her an “obnoxious Nazi Barbie”

    So there could be Nazi barbies that Paglia doesn’t find obnoxious?

    1. Swift herself should retire that obnoxious Nazi Barbie routine of wheeling out friends and celebrities as performance props, an exhibitionistic overkill that Lara Marie Schoenhals brilliantly parodied in her scathing viral video “Please Welcome to the Stage.”

      It’s crazy but hear me out…what if they are actually, you know, friends?

      1. I should have read the article. I wouldn’t say that’s the same as “calling her” an “obnoxious nazi barbie”

        1. I was responding more to the article itself, which is basically “I don’t like her friends.”

          1. Yeah, sorry. I just replied to you since you provided me with the quote I hadn’t seen.

      2. You know who else routinely wheeled out friends and celebrities as performance props?

        1. Kermit the Frog?

        2. Ellen?

        3. Jerry Lewis?

          1. *narrows gaze*

        4. Every talk show host ever?

      3. It’s crazy but hear me out…what if they are actually, you know, friends?

        You’re right. That is crazy.

    2. Pags does realize those memes are actual Hitler quotes and not Taylor Swift right?

      1. THERE IS ONLY ONE PAGS and his name is Pagliaro!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHi3nwKTEzM

    3. Klaus Barbie, presumably.

      1. +1 Operation Barbierossa

          1. Swift in a Nazi dominatrix outfit…new context to ‘Shake it Off.’

    4. Camille Paglia is dead to me.

      1. Yeah, Taylor Swift is fucking awesome. “Wildest Dreams” is The best pop song of the year hands down and has a brilliant video that of course got her in trouble with the proggies.

        1. I’ll just be over here, judging you.

          1. Watch it, I dare you. You will agree. Her greatness knows no limits.

            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IdneKLhsWOQ

            1. Okay, okay. I will grant you the courage of your convictions. There’s no way in hell I’m watching Taylor Swift though, and greatness is such a BIG word in a world that also contains Slipknot and Pantera.

              1. I am getting the feeling that you may be scared to because you might enjoy it.

                I appreciate her pop perfection, but have a very wide set of musical tastes. Btw, have you ever checked out soma fm? They do have a sweet ass metal station. 24/7 commercial free radio that relies on donations to pay the bills. I love their Secret Agent station which is music you might hear in a spy movie or detective show, interspersed with classic Bond snippets.

                1. Groove Salad is on as I type. It’s my working music of choice. I have a lovely collection of SomaFM swag at this point – may just tell them to keep the money next time, I don’t need another water bottle.

                  1. I need to make another donation to them, it has been a while. I also love their Soul45 station. Who doesn’t love classic soul?

                2. Challenge accepted, motherfucker.

                3. I’m 1:29 in and bored. This is fucking interminable.

                  1. There’s just no accounting for taste.

                4. Secret Agent station on that one is 5 kinds of awesome.

                  1. I have been listening to Secret Agent regularly going on 8 years now and am still not bored of it. The Seven Inch Soul, Groove Salad, and others are great as well.

              2. She is America’s Sweetheart.

                She also sounds like what a Nazi Death Rape Machine designed for felines would sound like.

            2. This is the first time I’ve ever listened to her.

              I just don’t get it, boring generic.

            3. Beyonce…/Kanye

            4. The photography is great. The music, not so much.

        2. I prefer “Blank Spaces”. This is how she mocks her critics. Funny.

      2. Everything that Swift does contains an element of self-mockery and/or irony. Her stuff is quite meta. People like hating on her because he’s a pretty blond girl who sings catchy tunes – not superficially edgy enough, I guess. I completely understand if someone doesn’t like her sound, I just don’t get the excessive criticism.

        As for Camille and her criticism about Swift’s “girl gangs”, well, Camille is a tad out of touch with how social media intersects with celebrity. Apparently, she how no memory of the rat-pack either.

        1. Celebrity like Star Wars? /SWF

      3. Would this interview help balance the scales?

        Paglia: ‘Rape culture’ is a ridiculous term ? mere gassy propaganda, too rankly bloated to critique. Anyone who sees sex so simplistically has very little sense of world history, anthropology or basic psychology. I feel very sorry for women who have been seduced by this hyper-politicised, victim-centered rhetoric, because in clinging to such superficial, inflammatory phrases, they have renounced their own power and agency.

      4. I haven’t read it yet but I just wanted to commend her for always being there to explore the vapidity of pop culture so I don’t have to.

    5. You know who would have loved to have a Nazi Barbie to play with?

  8. Three Moscow Cemeteries to Offer Free Wi-Fi in 2016

    Moscow residents will have the opportunity to use free wireless Internet at the city’s three major cemeteries starting from next year, City Hall said in a statement on Thursday.

    Wireless Internet will be available in designated areas at Moscow’s historic Vagankovskoye, Troyekurovskoye and Novodevichy cemeteries.

    Free Internet access will make a visit to a cemetery more convenient and educational, according to Artyom Yekimov, head of Ritual ? a government agency that provides burial services.

    1. Nothing says you respect the dead like hitting level 135 on Candy Crush!

      1. It would be cool if you could ‘chat’ with the dead

        1. +1 Kik with grandpa

    2. Ritual ? a government agency that provides burial services

      “We will bury you”

      1. *Bangs shoe on table in approval*

      2. Well done.

    3. Are they gonna ban Yik Yak, though?

    4. All the bodies are buried in properly shielded coffins, right?

    5. Who keep Googling ‘How to dig out of a grave’?”

      And this man keeps posting on his Twitter feed. hey, guys, this isn’t funny any more, let me out 🙁

    6. More and more grave markers are including QR codes that will take you to a web page with pictures/video and an essay about the person now residing in the underworld. Makes sense to have wi-fi

      1. Are they live feeds?

  9. The George Washington University president personally apologized to a student who was made to remove a Palestinian flag from his dorm-room window this fall.

    Appeasement never works, Mr. President.

    1. Try it with a Confederate flag now.

      1. This gives me an idea for a “Coexist” bumper sticker that has prog-unapproved symbols.

          1. Nice, but I was going to use the Stars and Bars for the X.

        1. I assume you have seen the Jim Goad version?

          1. Never heard of him, but love everything I’ve googled about him so far.

            1. The black dildo in combination with the Uzi really makes it.

              http://jimgoad.net/images/coexist.jpg

            2. From the coffee stained Redneck Manifesto literally lurking behind my Atlas Shrugged:

              “I’ve noticed that the same gun control fanatics who lob these pistols-are-penises accusations often appear uneasy when the government appears weak or seems like it’s being bullied.”

            3. “In his political commentary he has described conservatives and liberals in the United States as “two asscheeks surrounding the same hairy bunghole,” and that politicians know how to take advantage of lower- and middle-class people because of a human’s innate tribalism.”

              I like him already.

      2. Staying in New Orleans and the local paper is covering a push by city politicos to remove Confederate statues. One would be ally is accusing the mayor of using statue removal to avoid dealing with real issues and the city is refusing to say if a contractor has already been selected for the removal payoff instead of being put out for bid.

  10. Drone-mounted flamethrower roasts turkey in Connecticut woods

    CLINTON, Conn., Dec. 10 (UPI) — A Connecticut teenager who made headlines for mounting a handgun to a drone unveiled his latest creation: a drone-mounted flamethrower used to cook a turkey.

    Austin Haughwout posted a video to YouTube showing a drone with an attached flamethrower shooting off fire at a turkey skewered on a rod in the woods.

    “This is how to roast your holiday turkey,” text on the video reads.

    Detective Sgt. Joseph Flynn of the Clinton police department said the flamethrower drone — like the earlier handgun drone — doesn’t appear to violate any laws.

    1. Invite that kid to the whitehouse!

      1. Yeah seriously. This kid actually engineered something, oh well I guess it doesn’t push the right narrative.

    2. David McGuire, policy and legislative director for the ACLU of Connecticut, said the video highlights the need for new laws

      I thought the ACLU fought for rights, not to take them away.

      1. From what I’ve observed, they seem to pick and choose what liberties are worth defending.

        1. Except here they’re not just not advocating for the right to flame from above, they’re advocating the right be abridged.

          1. You have to pass new laws to see which laws he broke.

        2. And what about the turkey? What about *its* rights?

          /Clint Eastwood accent

          1. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.

          2. “Now he’s going to spit”- Lone Watie

      2. If the ACLU was ever about rights and was ever anything other just another left-wing pressure group, that time is long passed.

      1. …and what lead me to…(because that’s what happens on youtube…you surf)…

        Mutants in Chernobyl:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdnZDZu_hEs

        1. As humans were evacuated from the area in 1986, animals moved in despite the radiation. The flora and fauna of the Red Forest have been dramatically affected by the accident. It seems that the biodiversity of the Red Forest has increased in the years following the disaster.[6] There are reports of some stunted plants in the area. Wild boar have multiplied eightfold between 1986 and 1988.[1]
          The site of the Red Forest remains one of the most contaminated areas in the world.[3] However, it has proved to be an astonishingly fertile habitat for many endangered species. The evacuation of the area surrounding the nuclear reactor has created a lush and unique wildlife refuge. In the 1996 BBC Horizon documentary “Inside Chernobyl’s Sarcophagus”, birds are seen flying in and out of large holes in the structure of the former nuclear reactor. The long-term impact of the fallout on the flora and fauna of the region is not fully known, as plants and animals have significantly different and varying radiologic tolerance. Some birds are reported with stunted tail feathers (which interferes with breeding). Storks, wolves, beavers, and eagles have been reported in the area.[7][8]

          This from the Full Documentary.

          1. Any five-assed monkeys?

          2. Any five-assed monkeys?

    3. I saw a side bar article on that page.

      It said” Florida man hears helicoptor so he calls 911 and turns himself in for growing pot.

      I’m not curious enough to click on that slideshow type link to see if the coptor had anything to do with LE.

    1. Glitter “bears”? I thought you were onto something really cool!

      1. I accidentally bought some Christmas cards with glitter on them. And now my skirt is covered with glitter. And my desk.

        1. “Hey, look! Stripper dust!”

          1. Craft Herpes

        2. Somebody bought my daughter a shirt with glittery snowflakes on it. (She’s 2.) Most sparkly dryer lint I’ve every seen.

          1. As a father of a small girl, you will grow accustomed to random glitter in your life.

            1. It is the most evil substance on earth. I believe glitter is the weapon of choice for the aliens that are taking over our world. Think about it people. (I have a 5yo daughter, glitter is as pervasive as gravity).

            2. On the plus side, the wife no longer thinks you’re hanging out at the gentleman’s clubs and getting stripper glitter on you.

      2. It’s all that hot drop-bear talk IFH hears – the word just gets stuck in her head.

    2. The less colorful ones look a bit like my beard after working out in the cold for a while. Though my look is a bit more crazy homeless guy than gay lumber jack at a wedding reception, or whatever it is they are going for.

      1. Also, those probably have less frozen saliva and snot in them.

        1. True. My beard is authentic and artisanal.

          1. Something like this, I imagine.

            1. A little bit, yeah.

          2. Lemme guess. You spread mayo on it.

            /long, empty stare.

      2. I first read that as crazy homeless gay lumberjack.

        1. Jesse doesn’t travel that much…

    3. In a few more years and that look will join the feathered mullet in the annals of fashion history.

  11. Marine le Pen: a cautionary tale?

    In the Future – Everyone will be a cautionary tale for five minutes.

    1. The French establishment can blame themselves for the rise of Le Pen. By labeling everyone who criticizes immigration and the failure of French Muslims to integrate into French society a bunch of Nazis, they managed to push out every moderate voice out of the debate leaving only the extremists left.

      The same thing can, and probably will happen here, at least to some degree.

      1. The same thing can, and probably will happen here, at least to some degree.

        Donald Trump: the Trumpening, for example.

        1. Yes exactly. A lot of Trump’s appeal is that he says the stuff that our political elites tell us we are not allowed to say.

      2. It’s right in the name: National Front. As opposed to the International Socialists like Hollande.

  12. This Day in History

    1816 – Indiana became the 19th state.

    1844 – Nitrous oxide was used for the first time in dentistry.

    1936 – King Edward VIII abdicated the throne of Britain for the woman he loved, Mrs. Wallis Simpson.

    1941 – Germany and Italy declared war on the United States.

    1946 – The United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) was established.

    1994 – Russian troups invaded Chechnya in an unsuccessful attempt to restore Moscow’s power in the region.

    1997 – Housing secretary Henry Cisneros was indicted for conspiracy, obstructing justice, and false statements to the FBI.

    1. Housing secretary Henry Cisneros was indicted for conspiracy, obstructing justice, and false statements to the FBI.

      Doesn’t there need to be a root crime to have a conspiracy and then lie to investigators about?

      1. Scooter Libby didn’t need one.

      2. Doesn’t there need to be a root crime to have a conspiracy and then lie to investigators about?

        “Government Employee” should cover it.

    2. “Russian troups invaded Chechnya”

      The circus? Bolshoi Ballet?

      1. Dude, in Russia those ballet dudes aren’t gay and can kill a black bear with their bare hands.

    3. Is this a new feature?

  13. The George Washington University president personally apologized to a student who was made to remove a Palestinian flag from his dorm-room window this fall.

    It would be a boring movie if the crusty old dean apologized at the end instead of being supremely pranked.

    1. Break into the bell tower at night and fly a Confederate flag from the top and program the bell to play Dixie.

  14. Dow and DuPont confirm merger plan

    US chemical giants Dow Chemical and DuPont have announced a plan to merge, in a deal valuing them at $130bn (?86bn).

    The all-share deal will eventually lead to the merged company, initially to be called DowDuPont, being split in three.

    The three companies would focus on agriculture, materials and speciality products.

    If the merger is cleared by regulators, the new company will be owned equally by current Dow and DuPont shareholders.

    The companies aim to achieve the split into three within two years of the completion of the merger.

    1. If the merger is cleared by regulators,

      Nice merger you have there. Be a shame if something were to happen to it.

      /Administration

    2. Merger then split? Oh boy, there’s a disaster in the making. Sell now! The only ones making money off that deal will be the banksters and future case study writers.

      1. It sounds like they’re basically going to merge into a holding company for 3 new companies that roughly track their current business units. It might work out okay if the existing business units are already more or less independent (I have no clue about the current structure of either company).

    3. Shouldn’t that just be “DowPont”?

      1. Really?

        DuChemical is much better…

    1. Reading the article can only ruin the picture I have in my head.

    2. Frodo, I could help you, you know, share the load.

      1. Dude you owe me a new iPhone!!

      2. +1 one ring to bind them all

    3. Firemen?

      Maybe stick with rubber rings.

  15. In D.C., a speeding ticket now could now cost drivers $1,000 in fines. (Hitting a cyclist, meanwhile, is a mere $500.)

    And hitting on a cyclist will get you kicked out of D.C. colleges.

    1. Honestly DC (and Northern Virginia and especially Maryland) drivers are some of the worst I have ever seen. The day after I moved down here I saw a car hit a cyclist (ended up being OK) which basically set the tone for everything I have experienced since. Not to mention, the parking enforcement people are probably the most efficient of all the civil servants down here. Exceed the time by a few minutes and you get a ticket.

      1. the parking enforcement people are probably the most efficient of all the civil servants down here

        Parking enforcement loves their job. Even up here, you can see them hovering by cars just before 3pm (when a chunk of roadside goes from metered to no parking to make way for busses) eager to snap off a string of tickets for anyone still there. They also successfully got the individual meters replaced with a central pay and display kiosk so that you can’t give someone else your unused time…

        1. I always loved this bit of irony. Government always preaches to be civil to one another and when acts of private charity such as paying forward unused time they crush it.

          1. Revealed preferences, Rufus. Revealed preferences.

      2. “Not to mention, the parking enforcement people are probably the most efficient of all the civil servants down here.”

        Yes. When we first moved to Northern Virginia in 1998, our friends who lived in the city couldn’t get their street plowed of snow in winter or their trash picked up on a regular basis, but the time I parked in a restricted zone near their house for 10 minutes I had a ticket by the time I came back.

        1. Because writing the equivalent of FYTW on a piece of paper and leaving it on a windshield is easy work. Especially if you get paid on volume!

    1. Well he couldn’t very well pay for it himself, he took a vow of poverty.

      1. I thought only nuns did that. Or only some orders of priests.

        1. Elspeth is behind all those anti-joke chicken memes.

          1. Sorry, I am just a former catholic who occasionally turns pedantic. The anti-joke chicken is funny, though!

        2. Franciscans take an oath of poverty.

  16. “In D.C., a speeding ticket now could now cost drivers $1,000 in fines.”

    This is a joke. I unfortunately have to drive in DC from time to time and don’t remember ever being able to reach the speed limit. Between other traffic, pedestrians, bicycles, and construction you’re lucky if you can reach 15 mph at any point in the city.

    1. That seems to be my recollection when I visited a few years back. I wondered how anyone could get around in a timely fashion in D.C. And the road configuration with the Virginia/D.C. splits. I dare say, Sanders makes more sense to me.

    2. 2 AM in the morning the roads are clear. No one actually lives in the city so once everyone has finally gotten off work the place is a ghost town.

    1. Or we can all put these up in our cities

      No Jihad Zone

      1. Not in CA, but I need one of those.

    2. If they are going to keep their gun arguments consistent, then I guess they do need to ban cars.

      1. Ban Gawker and TNR. Why should they have rights if the rest of us don’t?

        1. Car bans are as simple as they sound: They restrict private automobiles from entering a city. You might have already seen how this works in a pedestrian-prioritized historical district, which is common in bigger cities. So we start the ban there, in the biggest cities: Where about half the world’s population lives now, where car ownership is already low, and where existing housing density and transit infrastructure allow people to easily live without automobiles.

          So simple!

          Also, I don’t live in a city, so I’ll be able to keep my car.

          1. Where about half the world’s population lives now,

            Until they pass the ban

            1. Sounds like a great way to implement the 9th Plank of the Communist Manifesto;

              9. Combination of agriculture with manufacturing industries, gradual abolition of the distinction between town and country, by a more equitable distribution of population over the country.

    3. “No one is trying to take your guns.”

      1. So far that’s true. But they’ve been talking about it for a long time.

    4. Yeah, in the first paragraph:

      “Don’t sort the population into those who might do something evil or foolish or self-destructive with a gun and those who surely will not. As if this could be known?as if it could be assessed without massively violating civil liberties and stigmatizing the mentally ill. ”

      ALmost sounds like an argument TO KEEP GUNS LEGAL, no?

      1. Yeah, I’d like to hear about how you can collect all of the banned guns without massively violating civil liberties (even aside from the required violation of the right to arm oneself).

        1. There are around 300 million firearms that are privately owned in the US. There are about 123 million households. If all firearms were to be banned, or required to be registered, any judge so inclined could reason from those numbers that there is probable cause for a search of any household that the cops wanted to search for such contraband. And the New York Times would approve wholeheartedly to the resulting SWAT raids and their consequences.

          1. hence “without violating civil liberties”.

            I’m pretty sure probably cause needs individualized suspicion, not statistical likelihood. Of course, that is what they would have to do to make it happen. But that scale of action is not only evil, but practically impossible. The whole idea is nuts. Even in places in Europe where private gun ownership is banned or heavily restricted there are loads of guns out there.

    5. I am shocked that proggies want to take away the two items that empower people the most. Shocked I tell you.

      Huh, I haven’t put on my shocked face in so long I can’t remember where I put it. You will just have to imagine what it looks like.

    6. Yep, the comments to that Gawker article were every bit as stupid as I suspected they’d be.

  17. “The exorbitant fines would place a financially tremendous and undue burden on low- and modest- income drivers. What person of modest means can pay it?” he said. “So they will get their drivers license suspended.”

    So, it’s a feature, not a bug.

    1. Exactly. So once prog “solutions” screw the avg joe, but the members of the politburo can still get driven around.

      1. *once again*

  18. Gawker: “Ban Cars!”

    Because once again, Gawker writers forget that not everyone is a privileged white kid (see what I did there?) living in a condo in a big city.

    1. This is hilariously stupid though:

      But it’s not just about banning cars. Cities also have to help their citizens live without a car. This means they must approve taller buildings, get rid of parking minimums, and expand public transit options. Build rail instead of roads. Turn gas stations into bike kiosks. Convert parking lots to sidewalks.

      1. If only it were possible to walk through a parking lot.

        1. I park my car, and then wait for another car to take me to the front of the store.

      2. Fuck these morons. Rail is a terrible infrastructure decision. Busses can easily change routes. Changing a rail route requires construction.

    2. Ah the lifestyle of the average rural American is as alien to these idiots as the lifestyle of a Martian is to me.

      Of course I wouldn’t be arrogant enough to assume I know whats best for a person on Mars, and wouldn’t pretend to.

      1. It’s not even exclusively rural living either though. Take a city like Las Vegas, for example. Lots of sprawl, decent roads/infrastructure, but unless you live within a mile of the strip, no public transport. Unless you’re pulling down six figures and can afford to cab it everywhere, you’d be fucked without a vehicle. L.A. is kind of the same way because of all the interconnected ‘burbs and urban sprawl. You can live in a large, populous city without it having the density of Manhattan.

        1. That was my first thought as well – let me know how it works in L.A.

        2. L.A. – 63 suburbs in search of a city.

      2. It’s not as if they’re Syrians, amirite?

        1. I don’t know it seems like people just assuming that Islam is a religion no different from Christianity or Judaism are the ones having trouble understanding a lifestyle that is different from what they are used to.

          Gawker’s problem is they assume everyone lives the same lifestyle they do.

          But if it makes you feel better I’m all for Syrians living any lifestyle they want as long as they keep it in Syria.

    3. Any city that actually tried to implement this plan for anything but a small area (essentially an outside shopping mall) would be in a recession in a matter of weeks. Too many cities rely on worker being able to live in semi-affordable areas and commute in.

      1. It would be a Pyrrhic victory.

      2. And trucks moving stuff around. He seems to think that golf carts can replace all other vehicles.

      3. To these folks, destroying an economy is a feature, not a bug.

      4. It would sure be a boon for tele-commuting. All those good paying jobs that could be done from home with a good dose of video conferencing would immediately leave the no car zone.

        1. As someone who does tele-commute, I actually prefer living in town. When home is also the office, being able to step out the door and be in the middle of it all is a plus. An on-going tension w/ the gf is that she gets home from work and wants to relax at home while I want to GTFO of the house.

          I suspect I’d go slowly insane if I moved to some beautiful but isolated place (slowly-er?). But tastes vary, of course.

    4. Getting rid of parking minimums and forced-sprawl zoning is a good idea. There’s a lot of government forcing people to spread out uneconomically. Of course, the prog solution is overlay zones, bike rack incentives, etc. when all they need to do is stop forcing people to do dumb stuff.

      1. ^^^^^^^^^^^this.

        People might have done walkable development in the last few decades if those jackasses hadn’t made it illegal.

  19. This is why I detest Anonymous. They released a guide to how to “hack” ISIS that is comprised of bot attacks. Bot attacks are not hacking. They’re just a bunch of wanna-be hackers pretending that the ability to run a bot on your computer is an elite hacking skill.

    1. Real hacking:
      1) Get an edgy haircut
      2) Select a cool username, preferably one with a mythological allusion, like Loki
      3) Select one of two wardrobe choices – goth or slacker’
      4) Practice using real hacker terms like “I’m in”
      5) Release the bots.

      1. Wait a minute. Where does “grow a goatee to blur the boundary between chins 3 and 4” fit in?

  20. Would it be nice if the progress of liberal democracy was an inevitable, linear evolution in human affairs?” Cruz asked. “Indeed, it would. But even a cursory glance at the history of democracy in the some two and a half millennia since the experiment was first attempted in ancient Athens reveals this is far from the case, and the reality is that in order to preserve and strengthen the United States, we cannot treat democracy promotion as an absolute directive; but rather as a highly-desirable ideal — one that can be reached most effectively through the promotion of the security and interests of the United States.”

    Isolationist!

    http://www.bloombergview.com/a…..d-ted-cruz

  21. Hitler was no HITLER until he acted on his stupid rhetoric. Besides why is no one except Kennedy bringing up the fact that Trump is probably a shill for the Clinton’s. Has everyone forgotten that Bill asked him to run. I wonder why?

    1. You know who else was no HITLER until he acted on his stupid rhetoric?

      1. Taylor Swift?

      2. Your mom?

    2. I like Kennedy, need to start dvr’ing her show.

    3. Has everyone forgotten that Bill asked him to run. I wonder why?

      Bill has it in for Hillary?

  22. Where is Lord Hummungus? I need a Grexit link.

  23. Well, I’m proud that our police in Minneapolis are so much better than those rubes in OK.

    Check out our new union leader for the cops

    Looks like he is doing a bang up job too.

    1. What are you doing driving around in fields?

      1. Why did I get a deer in a snowy field the first time I click that?
        *Sets down the absinthe*

        1. Absinthe at 10:06 AM?

          YOU are dedicated, my friend …

    2. I read parts of the article. That was sarcasm, right?

      1. I would think so without even reading the article. “Union leader for the cops” and doing anything at all good don’t really go together.

      2. Nooooo, I really meant to praise our heroes in blue

    3. “He did all he could to help the domestic violence movement,” said Chanel Thomas, a former advocate with the Domestic Abuse Project who worked with him for four of the seven years she was embedded with the Police Department. “They say that you’re in domestic violence because you hate bullies: That’s Bob.”

      She added: “He hated that somebody can prey on another person and get away with it.”

      The lack of self-awareness in that last sentence…

  24. Donald Trump May Be a Dangerous Buffoon, But He’s No Hitler

    you know who else isn’t Trump?

      1. I have it on good faith from mtrueman that Pol Pot was just a bumbling group of well meaning souls who just get a bad rap from today’s historians.

        He told us that one day not long after defending Mao’s killing of 40 million or so because Mao gave FREE healthcare to those he didn’t kill.

    1. When deniers cite weather that doesn’t fit the narrative, then they’re just showing how stupid and ignorant they are.

      Weather that does fit the narrative comes in the form of climate events, which all smart and informed people understand are proof of climate change.

      1. How anyone cannot see the mendacity of these bastards is beyond me.

        1. I watched a video of the recent committie meeting held by Ted Cruz. I would asked that everyone do so.

          It was ridiculous the way the alarmists glossed over when told faced with facts that didn’t fit their position.

          Mrs. Curry related to one alarmist senator how the current warming, excluding the last 19 years of no warming, begining in 11950 is attributed to man but the period before 1950 is not and the alarmists scientist admit to have no explanation for it.

          The Senator acted like he didn’t understand what she was saying so she dropped diplomacy and flatly said that the earth was showing warming trends prior to 1950 tha the alarmists readily agreed were natural bbut that in 1950 they start attributing the same level of warming completely to man made activities. He of course interrupted her and changed the topic and she wasn’t allowed to ask him why because he’s a Senator.

          Cruz was pretty good as chairman limiting that type behavior as much as he could within the rules.

          When faced with blantant facts against their position they just continued asserting that 97% of scientists agreed. The fact that they were in agreement based on altered data bothered them not.

          1. The pro change powers must have very very deep pockets for so many to insist on being por change in the face of such obvious fraud.

    2. That’s it, I’m going skiing on Sunday.

    1. We had to destroy the planet in order to save it.

    2. Don’t worry, Al Gore and his Church of the Holy Climate Change will give them Indulgences, oops I mean Carbon Credits so its OK

  25. Anonymous has published a “noob guide” on how to hack ISIS.

    So… the 72 virgins have their revenge….

    1. 11 ft gator ate him.

    2. So some wildlife officials got drunk and put rubber snakes everywhere, their boss caught them, they had to make up an explanation so they said they were raising awareness…and the boss and the media bought it.

      That’s what I assume happened, anyway.

      1. rasing public awareness is always a good PC excuse for some goernment office to waste taxpayer moeny.

        Some of the stupid shit our money gets spent on should get some people fired if not jailed when a political donor is the beneficiary.

  26. In D.C., a speeding ticket now could now cost drivers $1,000 in fines. (Hitting a cyclist, meanwhile, is a mere $500.)

    So, #BlackLivesMatter not really having a big policy impact in our Nation’s Capital?

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