Reason Weekly Contest: Dear Valued Customer of the Roman Empire
Last week's winners revealed.


A recent article about the decrease in people responding to customer surveys mentions that the Roman Emperors actually polled their citizens, too. Please come up with a question that may have been on one of those ancient surveys.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to contest@reason.com. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "ROMANS" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Oct. 5. Winners will appear Friday, Oct. 9, right here at Reason.com.
In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: With psychedelic drugs being studied anew as possible remedies for depression and addiction, we asked you to dream up the first new drug created from magic mushrooms.
THE WINNER: SeeAlice -- Colin Blake, Boston MA
SECOND PLACE: Tripitor -- Robin Speer, Calgary, AB, Canada
THIRD PLACE: Really Good Shiitake, Dude -- Bob Woolley, Asheville, NC
HONORABLE MUSHROOMS… ER… MENTIONS:
Fun Guy (used to treat depression) -- Fraser Woodford, Santa Monica, CA
Damitol -- Jim Noble, Boulder Creek, CA
Tripto-fung -- Leon Freitas, Lodi, CA
iShroom: "See Different" -- Bill Fullerton, Columbus, OH
Faroutium -- Tracy Davis, Lawrence, KS
S'pores Bars -- Bill Roberts, Tulsa, OK
Psilocialis -- Richard Bradley, Fredericksburg, VA
Psilosmilyn -- Steve D. Jones, Fort Smith, AK
Psiloscope -- Shane Yeman, Lawrence, KS
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Bread or circuses?
Before Whole Foods.
Polling *citizens*? Why not poll everyone!
"Dear Galley slaves, please take a moment to fill out this survey - no, not now, you slacker, ROW! ROW! ROW! Fill it out later, when they let you rest on your oars.
"OK, then, do you prefer working the oars on the right side, or on the left side? Or do you wish to alternate?
"Are the restroom facilities adequate? Just kidding, just go over the side of the ship or use the hold like the other slaves.
"Should the guy with the drum beat the drum to any particular tune?"
Do you
(a) support the emperor
or
(b) desire a slow, painful death in the arena?
Et tu, Bro?
Did you bullshit last week?
Did you try to bullshit last week?
Who should be set free Bawabas or Bwian?
Should there be a safe place for gladiators?
Thumbs Up or Down?
Which better symbolizes the glory of Rome, the Senate or the Colosseum?
Which better symbolizes the glory of Rome, crucifixion or decimation?
Which better symbolizes the glory of Rome, senators or Caesar?
Which god do you sacrifice to before killing your enemies?
Which god do you keep an idol of in your kitchen? Your bath? Your bedroom?
What better symbolizes the glory of Rome, Caligula's voracious incestuous sexual appetite or his horse?
"Which god do you keep an idol of in...Your bath?"
The God-Emperor Commodus, of course.
Do you prefer being nailed to the poll or just your head on a poll outside the city gates?
Why don't you ask Spartacus? Or his son, Gordon Gekko?
What should be the penalty for a slave who strikes a Roman citizen?
A) Death by torture!
B) Crucifixion!
C) They shove a living snake up your ass!
(with apologies to Mel Brooks)
How do you feel about Donaldus Trumpus' statement about undocumented immigrants wherein he suggested we should build a wall to keep out the so-called "barbarian hordes"?
Hadrian built a wall too - why do you criticize Trumpus Augustus and let Hadrian get away with it?
Scots
True or otherwise.
Jupiter Optimus Maximus ruled that good Romans should not be seen groovin' with a Pict.
SeeAlice
Damn. I am in awe.
"Last year, Senator Alcidius attended only 3 orgies and sacrificed 6 goats to Bacchus, less than a third of the sacrifices made by his opponent. Does this make you more or less likely to vote for him?
The Vatican ?? No shit, we're catholic ?
Blue Team or Green Team?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nika_riots
The Eastern Roman Empire counts doesn't it?
To keep the Empire well funded, would rather be adscriptus glebae or pay a heavy tribute?
on a scale of I to X, how entertained are you not?
Please indicate what you think should be done with the Sabine women:
I. Rape
II. Marry
III. Kill
Oh you know Biggus Dickus, He is a vewy good Fwend of mine